Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e09 Episode Script
Nyet, Nyet, Not Yet
1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Snoring]
Whoo, sounds like
a jet plane with asthma.
[Snort]
[Engine whistling overhead]
Skipper, wake up! Skipper, wake up!
I'm awake, gilligan. Leave me alone,
and you better have
a good reason for waking me up.
I do, skipper. Come on, and look.
Come on. Look at what?
There, look.
You woke me up to look
at a falling star?!
Maybe it's a flying saucer.
It's a falling star.
Maybe it's men from Mars.
It's a falling star, gilligan!
Now, hit the sack.
[Yawns]
I don't mind them during the day,
but at night, when it gets dark, skipper
gilligan, how can you possible see
a falling star during the daytime?
Easy. Wait till it gets dark.
Well, at least you know
it wasn't a flying saucer.
No, no, a falling star goes
[Whistles]
But a flying saucer goes
[Humming]
[Still humming]
Gilligan! I'm right behind you.
I know where you are. Look!
Men from Mars!
What are you two hiding from?
Take a look for yourself, professor.
We've been found!
By martians. They're not martians.
They're not the smothers brothers.
They're astronauts.
We're saved!
Hello! Welcome.
Welcome.
Skipper: Are we glad to see you.
I'm the skipper of the s.S. Minnow,
and we went aground here
we're stranded here. I'm gilligan.
Never mind your name, gilligan,
we're trying to find out what theirs are.
I am Igor.
Skipper: Igor.
This is comrade Ivan.
He does not speak English.
We are Russian cosmonauts.
Russian?!
Welcome to our island.
Thank you.
Comrade Ivan and I are colonels
in Soviet space program.
I regret to say that we have
missed landing target and, uh,
landed here by accident.
Ivan wants me to assure you
that we will all be saved
by great and glorious Soviet Navy
which will come and take
us all back home to Moscow.
Oh, boy, we're going home to Moscow.
What am I so happy about?
I don't live in Moscow.
[Speaking Russian]
Tell me, Igor, how long
do you think it'll be
before we're rescued?
If we're lucky, it'll take long time.
How about that? A Russian wolfhound.
How are you gonna get us off the island?
By submarine.
Our Navy knows by now that
we have missed target.
I think we better go.
We have packing and
laundry and things to do.
You scare girls. So?
So, comrade, you are no comrade.
Darling, they look nice enough.
So does the Russian ruble, my dear,
but it's not exactly the American dollar.
You know, dear, we really
ought to go out and meet them.
After all, they are our guests.
Don't forget who we are
and who they are.
Of course not, dear.
We're the chaps in the white hats.
They're the chaps in the black hats.
Lovey, would you please
come away from that door?
You know, dear, they
promised to take us to Moscow.
Well, now, who do we know in Moscow?
Oh, of course, dear. You're right again.
And they probably even haven't
got a blue book there.
A red one perhaps.
So we just keep our distance.
Yes, but being aloof is
such bad manners, darling.
Once again, your diplomacy
and tact have overwhelmed me.
Alright, we'll go meet them,
but, remember, they
won't be friendly, my dear.
And no cracks about Russian
tailors or their subways.
They're very sensitive.
Gentlemen, I am thurston ho well III,
and this, of course, is my wife.
Mrs. Thurston ho well III.
Charmed.
Capitalist! Exploiter!
Capitalist, exploiter
I was wrong, lovey, they're very friendly.
What manners.
I explain once more. It's simple enough.
We just pull the capsule in and beach it.
Capsule must not tip.
Capsule mustn't tip.
Must not let water get in.
Must not let water get in.
Oh, gilligan! I'm just translating.
Never mind. I can understand English.
Now, everybody in line. You In back.
Me and Ivan in middle
You in front.
[Both speaking Russian]
I suppose you wonder why I've
called you together for this meeting.
I wasn't wondering, I was sleeping.
Could've left him sleeping.
Gentlemen, have you ever heard of a
space capsule with a one-way radio?
Come to think of it, no.
Professor, what are you driving at?
The possibility that those
Russians didn't land here by mistake.
You mean they're planning to take
over the island and use it for a base?
Oh. Then when they
take us to Moscow
Professor, how cold does
it get in Siberia?
We could be jumping to conclusions.
Actually, we don't have any facts.
Don't confuse the facts.
I just don't trust these 2 fellas.
I'm with Mr. Howell.
I don't trust these chaps either.
Then we're even.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't think they trust us chaps either.
Igor
You believe they are shipwrecked?
Of course not.
Must be secret American space program.
These Americans
they think they can fool us.
Especially gilligan. He
acts too stupid to be stupid.
Must be the cleverest one of them all.
Now, if I could just
get inside that capsule,
I think I could send a message.
But they're guarding it night and day.
I, thurston ho well III,
can outwit 2 Russians.
I hope it's one of your sneakiest plans.
Gentlemen, allow me to show you
how the spy business really works.
Agent 36-25-36 reporting, sir.
Hello.
[Speaking Russian]
Where's your friend?
He's in jungle sleeping for to keep cold.
I am here alone.
Not anymore
Tall, dark, and Russian.
Wait! Where do you go?
Oh, why, uh, just going for a little stroll
And a moonlight swim.
This is good place for swim, too.
But the other side of
the island is much better.
Why don't you come along?
I have to stay and guard capsule.
You can't have everything, big boy.
He got the message.
I didn't even know
she could speak Russian.
What are we looking for?
A radio. Oh.
I don't see anything marked "radio."
You probably have, gilligan,
but it's marked in Russian.
Now you just stand aside
and don't touch anything.
[Pinging]
That's probably it.
I wonder what's causing that.
Gilligan, I asked you not
to touch anything, didn't I?
Yeah.
[Electricity crackling]
[Pinging stops]
Now you've shorted out
the whole electrical system.
The radio's dead.
[Gasps]
So are we.
Turn faster!
Turn faster, gilligan.
They were sure mad last night.
Well, they're gonna be a lot madder
if this device doesn't generate
enough power for them.
You call yourself engineer?
Phooey!
Remember who got us into trouble.
So I made little mistake.
Say that in kremlin, you get big laugh.
Very funny. Ha ha!
Professor, go ask them again.
They can't keep saying no forever.
Alright.
Igor?
Nyet!
You're wrong, skipper. They
can keep saying no forever.
But don't go away.
[Speaking Russian]
He'll let you come in if you promise
not to look on nothing but broken radio.
It's a deal.
You keep that thing going, gilligan.
Don't worry, professor, you
got my personal guarantee
that he'll keep pumping.
1, 2, 3, 4. Stroke, stroke, stroke.
Oh, I'm gonna have a stroke if
somebody doesn't relieve me pretty soon.
Wait a minute, skipper. Listen.
[Radio receiver whistling]
The radio. The professor fixed the radio.
[Pinging]
Atta boy, professor, you showed
'em real American know-how.
Well, I'm just glad the
radio's working again.
We have received
message from submarine.
They will arrive tomorrow at 11:00.
Tomorrow morning, 11:00.
We'll be ready! We'll be ready!
[Sonar pinging]
This calls for celebration.
With what coconut milk?
I have for you big surprise.
Hold it.
You bring vodka
On spaceship?!
Only way to fly!
Ginger, I'm so excited. I can't
believe we're really going home.
What I can't figure out
is how could someone fix
something gilligan broke.
Well, the professor did. The
submarine will be here tomorrow.
Girls, I'm in terrible trouble.
What's wrong?
I haven't any room for my mink.
All those bags and trunks
and no room for my favorite fur.
We'll put it in our bag, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, that's dear of you.
Now, back to packing.
You know, I never packed
before. It's really lots of fun.
Ginger, just think, this wonderful
soft fur comes from mink.
In Hollywood, they come from wolves.
Girls
I haven't any room for my sable.
Oh, we'll pack it for you, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, I don't know what I'd do without you.
Ooh, mink and sable.
I'd just like to crawl
right in there with them.
You'd suffocate.
But what a way to go.
Mrs. Howell: Girls!
Her persian lamb bikini?
Her cashmere girdle?
Oh, girls.
Ooh, leopard!
Ohh, it really has
great sentimental value.
We raised the little darling ourselves.
We'll try to make
room for it, Mrs. Howell.
Now I'm all through with my packing.
If you girls need any help,
just call on me.
Now close it.
Ginger, I don't think it's gonna close.
Mmm. Be careful.
Hi, girls. You all packed?
Mary Ann: Hi, gilligan.
Come on in, and hurry.
What are you doing
sitting on the suitcase?
We can't close it. Well, that's silly.
We can't get off. It'll explode.
Here, let me. I'll close it for you.
Aah! Aah!
Igor: Why we must leave them here?
Ivan: Igor, you are dumbbell.
You are smart?!
We land capsule in wrong place, no?
Da.
7 people come back and
tell world we made goof.
I got question
how mad is Moscow, huh?
I got answer
how cold is Siberia?
Ivan: So we tie them up
and leave them here.
How we tie them up?
We no got gun.
Ah.
I no got answer.
[Slaps knee]
I got answer.
We invite them to celebration
Drink toasts, get them drunk.
Igor! Good idea!
We got plenty vodka in capsule.
Sure. 2 Russian men can drink
more than 4 American men.
Is only 3 men.
Is 4.
Is sailor, is teacher, is rich capitalist, is
You are right, Ivan.
Is 3 men And one gilligan.
I tell you, it's a dastardly shame.
I think I have a solution.
When they offer us a drink,
we'll say we're not thirsty.
Gilligan, they'd get suspicious.
Now, we must drink with
them, according to protocol.
Oh, is that Ivan or Igor protocol?
Protocol isn't a person, gilligan.
It's the proper way to do things.
Besides, if we don't drink with
them, they may do something drastic.
Maybe they've got weapons or
something that'll blow our heads off.
Must you be so graphic?
The solution is to drink
them under the table.
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to alcohol.
Skipper, maybe you can
drink them under the table.
Well, maybe, gilligan, but I'm
great with scotch or bourbon,
but when it comes to that vodka,
I go to sleep like a little baby.
How about you, Mr. Howell?
All those parties and
banquets, maybe you can do it.
Well, the ho well taste buds
are very delicate.
The only beverage I drink
is made from French grapes
crushed by the toes of brigitte
bar dot little purple feet.
All I can drink is water.
Wait a minute. Gilligan
has moments of brilliance.
Was I brilliant?
You said the magic word
they'll drink vodka, and we drink water.
But, Mr. Howell, how can we drink
water when they're drinking vodka?
Wait a minute. Just Come here.
Quarterback ho well will
outline the plan to the team here.
[Whispering]
Then you me?
Why always me?
[Thump]
You heard something?
I heard something.
Then go. Look.
[Thump]
Igor!
I don't see something.
I don't see something, too.
[Clink]
This way! This way!
What a delightful gathering.
We'd better go, girls, and let the
men put their scheme into effect.
I hope gilligan didn't
Mark the wrong bottle.
Why would he make a mistake like that?
Oh, you're right.
Oh, I hope he did Mark
the right bottle. Come on.
[All talking at once]
Did you like the food?
Great meal.
Nothing is too good for our
friends across the sea, as we say.
And to prove that we are
so good friends to you,
Ivan has big surprise.
Ivan with the blue eyes.
Oh, ho, what an unexpected pleasure!
Bring for to drink.
Hurry up, gilligan.
We will make big toast to great Russia.
Ahh!
Wait a minute, Igor.
May I look at the bottle?
What for you want to look?
He wants to see if it's a vintage year.
He's a gourmet, a connoisseur.
Oh ho, that's a bad year.
Perhaps this one's
better for soft Americans.
Oh, that's a good year!
Mr. Howell: Smooth as water.
Now we will pour.
You from your bottle, me from mine.
That's the Democratic spirit. I'll buy that.
There you are, skipper.
[All talking]
Now stand.
Stand. Stand.
To homeland.
[Clink]
Stop!
In our country, we have great tradition
change glasses.
Change glasses? Yes, yes, of course.
To homeland!
To homeland. To to homeland.
Stop!
In our country, we have a custom.
We always change glasses, too.
[Everyone talking at once]
Now everybody drink.
[Clinking]
Mm, that's beautiful!
Ahh!
Really tastes good.
You like!
I like very much.
Gentlemen, I propose a toast
to the United States of america.
All: To the united states of america.
Oh, here, have another one.
To the United States.
There you go. Here.
To friendly relations.
I'll drink to anyone's relations.
[Singing and shouting]
Boy, you were marvelous, Igor.
I pour another drink.
Another drink!
Then get up on the table again!
It's empty. It's empty, well
Use yours.
We are now friends, no?
Gilligan, you better let go.
What do you know, he's allergic to water.
Oh ho, they'll sleep for hours.
Good. We ought to drag them
down to the space capsule.
No. Leave them here the
way they were gonna leave us.
That wouldn't be fair.
It wouldn't be smart, either.
We want their countrymen to see them.
Exactly. Gilligan, get this one's feet.
Mr. Howell, you give me
a hand with this fella.
I like the little one. He's easier to dip.
Ah! To think that I'd be seen
working for the proletariat.
I thought they were Russians.
Never mind that, gilligan.
Go get the girls, get our stuff
packed, and get back here.
Maybe I ought to stay
here and guard them.
Nobody's gonna steal them.
Now, come on, let's go.
The capsule is gone!
Skipper: The Russians are gone, too.
And you said nobody'd steal 'em.
But they said 11:00, that's odd behavior
for people who pride
themselves on precision.
This is no time for a
lecture on ethnic cultures.
But they weren't supposed
to arrive for 3 hours.
Oh no.
Gilligan, what time is it?
8:00.
Are you sure it isn't 11:00?
Nope, I checked it this morning.
The announcer said,
"it is now 10:30 A.M.
"This is wkmu Manila." And
that's when I set my watch.
Gilligan, there's 3 hours
difference between here and Manila.
That's easy to fix. I'll just
set my watch ahead 3 hours.
There.
Now it's 11:00.
No wonder the submarine got here.
Yes, no wonder the submarine got here!
[Angry shouting]
Shall I try another station, gilligan?
Yeah, skipper, go ahead.
Newsman: And now
on the international scene
Tass, the Russian news agency reports
that, after completing
679 orbits a new record
2 Russian cosmonauts were
picked up in the black sea
by a Russian submarine just
18 inches from their target area.
18 inches from their target area!
Where's the black sea?
Well, gilligan, it's not
in the middle of the pacific,
which is where we are and
which is where they landed.
I wonder why they said a thing like that.
Oh, because they're afraid
to admit they goofed.
I don't see why. I always
admit it when I goof.
For instance, for years you've
been trying to teach me a square knot,
and I still don't do it right.
Oh, never mind that now, gilligan.
And yesterday you asked
me to tie up this hammock,
and I tried to make a square
knot, but I think I goofed.
Yup, I goofed.
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone no lights ♪
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Snoring]
Whoo, sounds like
a jet plane with asthma.
[Snort]
[Engine whistling overhead]
Skipper, wake up! Skipper, wake up!
I'm awake, gilligan. Leave me alone,
and you better have
a good reason for waking me up.
I do, skipper. Come on, and look.
Come on. Look at what?
There, look.
You woke me up to look
at a falling star?!
Maybe it's a flying saucer.
It's a falling star.
Maybe it's men from Mars.
It's a falling star, gilligan!
Now, hit the sack.
[Yawns]
I don't mind them during the day,
but at night, when it gets dark, skipper
gilligan, how can you possible see
a falling star during the daytime?
Easy. Wait till it gets dark.
Well, at least you know
it wasn't a flying saucer.
No, no, a falling star goes
[Whistles]
But a flying saucer goes
[Humming]
[Still humming]
Gilligan! I'm right behind you.
I know where you are. Look!
Men from Mars!
What are you two hiding from?
Take a look for yourself, professor.
We've been found!
By martians. They're not martians.
They're not the smothers brothers.
They're astronauts.
We're saved!
Hello! Welcome.
Welcome.
Skipper: Are we glad to see you.
I'm the skipper of the s.S. Minnow,
and we went aground here
we're stranded here. I'm gilligan.
Never mind your name, gilligan,
we're trying to find out what theirs are.
I am Igor.
Skipper: Igor.
This is comrade Ivan.
He does not speak English.
We are Russian cosmonauts.
Russian?!
Welcome to our island.
Thank you.
Comrade Ivan and I are colonels
in Soviet space program.
I regret to say that we have
missed landing target and, uh,
landed here by accident.
Ivan wants me to assure you
that we will all be saved
by great and glorious Soviet Navy
which will come and take
us all back home to Moscow.
Oh, boy, we're going home to Moscow.
What am I so happy about?
I don't live in Moscow.
[Speaking Russian]
Tell me, Igor, how long
do you think it'll be
before we're rescued?
If we're lucky, it'll take long time.
How about that? A Russian wolfhound.
How are you gonna get us off the island?
By submarine.
Our Navy knows by now that
we have missed target.
I think we better go.
We have packing and
laundry and things to do.
You scare girls. So?
So, comrade, you are no comrade.
Darling, they look nice enough.
So does the Russian ruble, my dear,
but it's not exactly the American dollar.
You know, dear, we really
ought to go out and meet them.
After all, they are our guests.
Don't forget who we are
and who they are.
Of course not, dear.
We're the chaps in the white hats.
They're the chaps in the black hats.
Lovey, would you please
come away from that door?
You know, dear, they
promised to take us to Moscow.
Well, now, who do we know in Moscow?
Oh, of course, dear. You're right again.
And they probably even haven't
got a blue book there.
A red one perhaps.
So we just keep our distance.
Yes, but being aloof is
such bad manners, darling.
Once again, your diplomacy
and tact have overwhelmed me.
Alright, we'll go meet them,
but, remember, they
won't be friendly, my dear.
And no cracks about Russian
tailors or their subways.
They're very sensitive.
Gentlemen, I am thurston ho well III,
and this, of course, is my wife.
Mrs. Thurston ho well III.
Charmed.
Capitalist! Exploiter!
Capitalist, exploiter
I was wrong, lovey, they're very friendly.
What manners.
I explain once more. It's simple enough.
We just pull the capsule in and beach it.
Capsule must not tip.
Capsule mustn't tip.
Must not let water get in.
Must not let water get in.
Oh, gilligan! I'm just translating.
Never mind. I can understand English.
Now, everybody in line. You In back.
Me and Ivan in middle
You in front.
[Both speaking Russian]
I suppose you wonder why I've
called you together for this meeting.
I wasn't wondering, I was sleeping.
Could've left him sleeping.
Gentlemen, have you ever heard of a
space capsule with a one-way radio?
Come to think of it, no.
Professor, what are you driving at?
The possibility that those
Russians didn't land here by mistake.
You mean they're planning to take
over the island and use it for a base?
Oh. Then when they
take us to Moscow
Professor, how cold does
it get in Siberia?
We could be jumping to conclusions.
Actually, we don't have any facts.
Don't confuse the facts.
I just don't trust these 2 fellas.
I'm with Mr. Howell.
I don't trust these chaps either.
Then we're even.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't think they trust us chaps either.
Igor
You believe they are shipwrecked?
Of course not.
Must be secret American space program.
These Americans
they think they can fool us.
Especially gilligan. He
acts too stupid to be stupid.
Must be the cleverest one of them all.
Now, if I could just
get inside that capsule,
I think I could send a message.
But they're guarding it night and day.
I, thurston ho well III,
can outwit 2 Russians.
I hope it's one of your sneakiest plans.
Gentlemen, allow me to show you
how the spy business really works.
Agent 36-25-36 reporting, sir.
Hello.
[Speaking Russian]
Where's your friend?
He's in jungle sleeping for to keep cold.
I am here alone.
Not anymore
Tall, dark, and Russian.
Wait! Where do you go?
Oh, why, uh, just going for a little stroll
And a moonlight swim.
This is good place for swim, too.
But the other side of
the island is much better.
Why don't you come along?
I have to stay and guard capsule.
You can't have everything, big boy.
He got the message.
I didn't even know
she could speak Russian.
What are we looking for?
A radio. Oh.
I don't see anything marked "radio."
You probably have, gilligan,
but it's marked in Russian.
Now you just stand aside
and don't touch anything.
[Pinging]
That's probably it.
I wonder what's causing that.
Gilligan, I asked you not
to touch anything, didn't I?
Yeah.
[Electricity crackling]
[Pinging stops]
Now you've shorted out
the whole electrical system.
The radio's dead.
[Gasps]
So are we.
Turn faster!
Turn faster, gilligan.
They were sure mad last night.
Well, they're gonna be a lot madder
if this device doesn't generate
enough power for them.
You call yourself engineer?
Phooey!
Remember who got us into trouble.
So I made little mistake.
Say that in kremlin, you get big laugh.
Very funny. Ha ha!
Professor, go ask them again.
They can't keep saying no forever.
Alright.
Igor?
Nyet!
You're wrong, skipper. They
can keep saying no forever.
But don't go away.
[Speaking Russian]
He'll let you come in if you promise
not to look on nothing but broken radio.
It's a deal.
You keep that thing going, gilligan.
Don't worry, professor, you
got my personal guarantee
that he'll keep pumping.
1, 2, 3, 4. Stroke, stroke, stroke.
Oh, I'm gonna have a stroke if
somebody doesn't relieve me pretty soon.
Wait a minute, skipper. Listen.
[Radio receiver whistling]
The radio. The professor fixed the radio.
[Pinging]
Atta boy, professor, you showed
'em real American know-how.
Well, I'm just glad the
radio's working again.
We have received
message from submarine.
They will arrive tomorrow at 11:00.
Tomorrow morning, 11:00.
We'll be ready! We'll be ready!
[Sonar pinging]
This calls for celebration.
With what coconut milk?
I have for you big surprise.
Hold it.
You bring vodka
On spaceship?!
Only way to fly!
Ginger, I'm so excited. I can't
believe we're really going home.
What I can't figure out
is how could someone fix
something gilligan broke.
Well, the professor did. The
submarine will be here tomorrow.
Girls, I'm in terrible trouble.
What's wrong?
I haven't any room for my mink.
All those bags and trunks
and no room for my favorite fur.
We'll put it in our bag, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, that's dear of you.
Now, back to packing.
You know, I never packed
before. It's really lots of fun.
Ginger, just think, this wonderful
soft fur comes from mink.
In Hollywood, they come from wolves.
Girls
I haven't any room for my sable.
Oh, we'll pack it for you, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, I don't know what I'd do without you.
Ooh, mink and sable.
I'd just like to crawl
right in there with them.
You'd suffocate.
But what a way to go.
Mrs. Howell: Girls!
Her persian lamb bikini?
Her cashmere girdle?
Oh, girls.
Ooh, leopard!
Ohh, it really has
great sentimental value.
We raised the little darling ourselves.
We'll try to make
room for it, Mrs. Howell.
Now I'm all through with my packing.
If you girls need any help,
just call on me.
Now close it.
Ginger, I don't think it's gonna close.
Mmm. Be careful.
Hi, girls. You all packed?
Mary Ann: Hi, gilligan.
Come on in, and hurry.
What are you doing
sitting on the suitcase?
We can't close it. Well, that's silly.
We can't get off. It'll explode.
Here, let me. I'll close it for you.
Aah! Aah!
Igor: Why we must leave them here?
Ivan: Igor, you are dumbbell.
You are smart?!
We land capsule in wrong place, no?
Da.
7 people come back and
tell world we made goof.
I got question
how mad is Moscow, huh?
I got answer
how cold is Siberia?
Ivan: So we tie them up
and leave them here.
How we tie them up?
We no got gun.
Ah.
I no got answer.
[Slaps knee]
I got answer.
We invite them to celebration
Drink toasts, get them drunk.
Igor! Good idea!
We got plenty vodka in capsule.
Sure. 2 Russian men can drink
more than 4 American men.
Is only 3 men.
Is 4.
Is sailor, is teacher, is rich capitalist, is
You are right, Ivan.
Is 3 men And one gilligan.
I tell you, it's a dastardly shame.
I think I have a solution.
When they offer us a drink,
we'll say we're not thirsty.
Gilligan, they'd get suspicious.
Now, we must drink with
them, according to protocol.
Oh, is that Ivan or Igor protocol?
Protocol isn't a person, gilligan.
It's the proper way to do things.
Besides, if we don't drink with
them, they may do something drastic.
Maybe they've got weapons or
something that'll blow our heads off.
Must you be so graphic?
The solution is to drink
them under the table.
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to alcohol.
Skipper, maybe you can
drink them under the table.
Well, maybe, gilligan, but I'm
great with scotch or bourbon,
but when it comes to that vodka,
I go to sleep like a little baby.
How about you, Mr. Howell?
All those parties and
banquets, maybe you can do it.
Well, the ho well taste buds
are very delicate.
The only beverage I drink
is made from French grapes
crushed by the toes of brigitte
bar dot little purple feet.
All I can drink is water.
Wait a minute. Gilligan
has moments of brilliance.
Was I brilliant?
You said the magic word
they'll drink vodka, and we drink water.
But, Mr. Howell, how can we drink
water when they're drinking vodka?
Wait a minute. Just Come here.
Quarterback ho well will
outline the plan to the team here.
[Whispering]
Then you me?
Why always me?
[Thump]
You heard something?
I heard something.
Then go. Look.
[Thump]
Igor!
I don't see something.
I don't see something, too.
[Clink]
This way! This way!
What a delightful gathering.
We'd better go, girls, and let the
men put their scheme into effect.
I hope gilligan didn't
Mark the wrong bottle.
Why would he make a mistake like that?
Oh, you're right.
Oh, I hope he did Mark
the right bottle. Come on.
[All talking at once]
Did you like the food?
Great meal.
Nothing is too good for our
friends across the sea, as we say.
And to prove that we are
so good friends to you,
Ivan has big surprise.
Ivan with the blue eyes.
Oh, ho, what an unexpected pleasure!
Bring for to drink.
Hurry up, gilligan.
We will make big toast to great Russia.
Ahh!
Wait a minute, Igor.
May I look at the bottle?
What for you want to look?
He wants to see if it's a vintage year.
He's a gourmet, a connoisseur.
Oh ho, that's a bad year.
Perhaps this one's
better for soft Americans.
Oh, that's a good year!
Mr. Howell: Smooth as water.
Now we will pour.
You from your bottle, me from mine.
That's the Democratic spirit. I'll buy that.
There you are, skipper.
[All talking]
Now stand.
Stand. Stand.
To homeland.
[Clink]
Stop!
In our country, we have great tradition
change glasses.
Change glasses? Yes, yes, of course.
To homeland!
To homeland. To to homeland.
Stop!
In our country, we have a custom.
We always change glasses, too.
[Everyone talking at once]
Now everybody drink.
[Clinking]
Mm, that's beautiful!
Ahh!
Really tastes good.
You like!
I like very much.
Gentlemen, I propose a toast
to the United States of america.
All: To the united states of america.
Oh, here, have another one.
To the United States.
There you go. Here.
To friendly relations.
I'll drink to anyone's relations.
[Singing and shouting]
Boy, you were marvelous, Igor.
I pour another drink.
Another drink!
Then get up on the table again!
It's empty. It's empty, well
Use yours.
We are now friends, no?
Gilligan, you better let go.
What do you know, he's allergic to water.
Oh ho, they'll sleep for hours.
Good. We ought to drag them
down to the space capsule.
No. Leave them here the
way they were gonna leave us.
That wouldn't be fair.
It wouldn't be smart, either.
We want their countrymen to see them.
Exactly. Gilligan, get this one's feet.
Mr. Howell, you give me
a hand with this fella.
I like the little one. He's easier to dip.
Ah! To think that I'd be seen
working for the proletariat.
I thought they were Russians.
Never mind that, gilligan.
Go get the girls, get our stuff
packed, and get back here.
Maybe I ought to stay
here and guard them.
Nobody's gonna steal them.
Now, come on, let's go.
The capsule is gone!
Skipper: The Russians are gone, too.
And you said nobody'd steal 'em.
But they said 11:00, that's odd behavior
for people who pride
themselves on precision.
This is no time for a
lecture on ethnic cultures.
But they weren't supposed
to arrive for 3 hours.
Oh no.
Gilligan, what time is it?
8:00.
Are you sure it isn't 11:00?
Nope, I checked it this morning.
The announcer said,
"it is now 10:30 A.M.
"This is wkmu Manila." And
that's when I set my watch.
Gilligan, there's 3 hours
difference between here and Manila.
That's easy to fix. I'll just
set my watch ahead 3 hours.
There.
Now it's 11:00.
No wonder the submarine got here.
Yes, no wonder the submarine got here!
[Angry shouting]
Shall I try another station, gilligan?
Yeah, skipper, go ahead.
Newsman: And now
on the international scene
Tass, the Russian news agency reports
that, after completing
679 orbits a new record
2 Russian cosmonauts were
picked up in the black sea
by a Russian submarine just
18 inches from their target area.
18 inches from their target area!
Where's the black sea?
Well, gilligan, it's not
in the middle of the pacific,
which is where we are and
which is where they landed.
I wonder why they said a thing like that.
Oh, because they're afraid
to admit they goofed.
I don't see why. I always
admit it when I goof.
For instance, for years you've
been trying to teach me a square knot,
and I still don't do it right.
Oh, never mind that now, gilligan.
And yesterday you asked
me to tie up this hammock,
and I tried to make a square
knot, but I think I goofed.
Yup, I goofed.
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone no lights ♪
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪