Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e09 Episode Script
Rumble in the Big House
1
Shendu: The portal of
xiao fung, the wind demon,
lies upon the seventh
land mass,
4,000,001 cubits above
the Southern hemisphere,
beyond the placid forest,
nestled between
the rolling hills.
Uh, the only thing
I see nestlin'--
is hollow lands
penitentiary.
Valmont:
Do you mean to tell us
that the demon portal
lies somewhere within
those prison walls, shendu?
Shendu:
Do not take that tone
with me, valmont.
I did not build
the fortress.
I've heard of
bustin' outta jail,
but breakin' in?
No problem. I did
a stretch here.
Rumor has it there
are miles of tunnels
under the joint.
The pan ku box
mentioned no tunnels.
And I will not waste time
chasing windmills
when we can simply
allow ourselves to be
taken prisoner.
Oh, no.
I don't wanna go back.
Valmont and his pals
have been spotted
downtown.
You in, Jackie?
We're there.
Is your name Jackie?
(Scoffs)
Captain black,
I thought all
dark hand matters
had been reassigned
to section 12.
That may be so,
but I'm not gonna
sit pretty
while the dark hand
strolls into my backyard
to hand a hall pass
to a hobgoblin.
Captain black is
in the house!
(Strained groans)
Valmont: As the head
of an international
crime syndicate,
I refuse to
expose myself
by robbing
a common bank.
Shendu: You seem
to forget, valmont,
that in the event
of a stalemate,
I win.
Well?!
Must I remind you
that the portal
cannot be opened
without the pan ku box,
which I cannot touch?!
Valmont: Let's
get this over with.
Capt. Black:
Freeze, valmont!
All: We surrender.
You do?
You do?
Capt. Black:
Take 'em away.
(Chanting Chinese
incantation)
What do you think,
uncle--ow!
Do you see
any demons?
Nooo.
That is because this
is a bank vault,
not a demon portal!
And for your long career
of federal crimes,
I sentence you
to 50 years in hollow lands
maximum-security prison.
(Finn sobbing)
Yes, the dark hand
has been successfully
shut down, sir, but--
thank you.
We are proud, sir.
But I want
to recommend
that valmont
be reassigned
to another prison
immediately.
I have reason to believe
that he orchestrated
their appointment
to hollow lands
in order to locate
a demon portal.
No, sir, I've never
received psychological
counseling. Why?
Breathe deeply.
Eww, are you
wearing Cologne?
Capt. Black:
Aftershave.
They didn't
believe you,
did they?
(Sighs)
And if we can't
stop the demon
by moving
valmont out,
we are going to
have to move in.
You don't really
mean we, do you?
You in?
Cool! You're
going undercover!
Bu-but, I don't want
to be a prison guard.
Not a guard,
Jackie, an inmate.
Clearly, it's
- of the utmost importance
that valmont and his men
not recognize you,
Jackie.
Uh, the--the guards
and warden
will know who
I really am. Right?
Jackie, no can do.
This is completely
under the radar.
Kepler: Smile.
Bwoah--ooh!
Oh!
Don't worry,
all you need
to do
is mix your way
into valmont's
gang
and get ahold of
that pan ku box
before they
open the portal
with it.
Oh, is that all?
Say ahhh.
Aah!
Jackie chan,
meet chance Jackson,
master criminal.
Prison is full of
hard cases, Jackie.
Your disguise
is foolproof.
(Scoffs, snorts)
Hey, Jackie, you off
to the big house?
Wha--ut--grr!
Uh, good luck, chance.
If things get dicey,
just call and say
the password,
chinchilla.
Uh, what's a chinchilla?
Oh, captain black,
your supervisors
have requested
that we speak
with you, ja?
Valmont: We can't
find the portal
until the pan ku box arrives,
so we will just
have to wait.
Well, we could've been
traipsing our way out
through those tunnels
with our demon
of the week by now.
Alleged tunnels.
Anything's better
than doin' time,
right, ratso?
Come on, let's
- toss a few before lunch.
(Eagerly)
They're serving
gruel again.
What? It's fun-food.
Bingo.
(Gruffly)
Bingo!
Unh. Ooh, sorry.
(American accent)
Er, sorry I didn't
rearrange your molecules!
Watch where you're
goin' next time.
So, uh, what
are you in for?
Go away.
Chance Jackson,
safecracker.
Big whoop!
I crack them
with my head.
Hmm. You like baseball?
Ho ho, do I!
Aww, you guys
oughta give chance
a chance.
He's one of us.
Probably why
he reminds me
of somebody.
Howdy, guys.
Chance!
You wrangled
kitchen duty.
Supplies!
Everyone back!
At ease.
A bit obvious, but--
what?!
Hey, that's the warden's
birthday cake!
You just won a free trip
to solitary.
Shendu, mentally:
Valmont, you are
an imbecile!
Uh-oh.
Well, it's
gotta be somewhere.
P.A.: All inmates report
to mess hall for lunch.
You're in safe hands now.
(Gasps)
No!
Goo--oh--aargh!
(Roaring, growling)
H-hello.
I am free!
Whoa. We struck demon.
Not any demon.
Xiao fung, demon
of the wind.
Uh, like
breakin' wind?
(Cries out)
Ooh-oh!
Like breaking bones.
You care to explain
the swipe-and-run, chance?
Easy on him.
He found our boy.
Yeah!
Good instincts,
buddy.
So, uh, what's
with tumble dry?
Ahh, the sweet
scent of freedom.
Uh, actually,
your breeziness, sir,
you're not exactly free.
No?
You're in
the hoosegow.
Prison.
This prison is paradise
compared to the ghastly
abyss I have escaped.
Whatever
you say, chief,
but outside's
even better.
Beaches, movies
Yeah, so why don't you
huff and puff
and blow
this big house down?
No! I--I mean
You can't leave
without your boss,
can you?
Where is shendu?
Uh, shendu's
in valmont
And valmont's
in solitary.
Hmm. If I do not
free this valmont,
I will be burdened
with freeing
- my brothers and sisters.
Very well.
Whoa, you guys
can do that?
Concealment seems prudent.
Demons appear to stick out
like sore thumbs
in this modern world.
Ooh, he's gonna blend in
undercover-like.
Get it, chance?
Uh, got it.
Uh, chinchilla.
What's a chinchilla?
That's the password.
Just get me
captain black.
What do you mean,
he can't be disturbed?
Demon.
I see a demon.
And this one?
Socks worn by
a really big demon.
(American accent)
Uncle, it's, uh,
me, your nephew.
What? It does not
sound like you.
What do you mean
you are in prison?
You are
a bad influence
on Jade.
Good thing it
is not really you.
Who was that, uncle?
Eh, crank call.
Prince Albert in a can?
No, crazy talk about
demons and prisons.
(Gasps)
Ai-yaah!
We're gonna
create a diversion
so we can sneak
into solitary.
What's the plan?
Both: Food fight!
(All yell)
Ratso: Psst. Chance.
Let's break for it.
(American accent)
So, we goin' or what?
I liked you.
(Normal voice)
Uh-oh.
Hey, xiao,
meet Jackie chan.
Nemesis
to my brethren?
Ooh!
What just
happened here?
Never mind. Solitary.
Aah! Unh!
Jade:
Hi, Jackie.
Jade? Uncle?
How?
Tohru: Invisibility,
levitation, speed.
I borrowed some talismans
so we could bust you
out of the slammer.
Oh! Well, I don't
want to be out.
I want to be in
where the wind demon is.
Hmm. The fan
is the symbol
belonging
to the immortal
who originally
banished
the wind demon.
I must gather
chi spell
ingredients.
But there's no time.
Duh.
Ooh! Yaah!
Whoa-oh!
Unh, oh.
Oh, some
set of pipes.
The, uh,
valmont suite.
Ah, greetings,
brother xiao.
See? I knew
there were tunnels.
But I just broke out!
I demand to be thrown
into solitary.
I don't recognize him.
What's your
prisoner number?
Ohh!
Jade.
Jade.
(Alarm blares)
The dragon talisman
is very dangerous.
Talk later.
Chinchilla.
So, that's
a chinchilla.
Cute.
Change him back.
Fire in the hole.
Jade, stay here.
Tch, in a prison?
Well--ohh.
The way out's
gotta be that way.
Nah, we just
came from there.
Shendu,
I have had enough
of your lost
expedition!
Valmont: Shendu, your brother
is speaking to you.
Do not follow
so closely, Jade,
and pay attention
to everything I do.
Waah!
So good to see you again.
In fact
I'm all a-bluster.
(Inhales)
Back off, froggy!
Both: Aah!
Both: Waah!
Both: Unh!
(Xiao roars)
Both: Aah!
(Inhales)
(Grunts)
(Grunts, gasps)
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: I am sorry.
I will bring this back.
Thank you.
Put a cork in it!
(Exhales)
Aah!
Chinchil--
aah!
(Gasps)
Uh-oh.
Uncle: Ai-yaaah!
We will never find them.
Both: Whoa!
Unh. Ai-yaah.
Uncle, quickly!
Ah, Jackie.
There you are.
Where is he?
(Gasps)
You are going
to be sorry!
Xiao fung, the chi spell
will seal your doom!
One cannot cast
what one cannot catch.
(Inhales)
Wait! Let us get
out of the way!
(Exhales)
Sensei!
Ai-yaah!
The talisman!
Rabbit talisman
is very good,
but demon breath
is better.
Tohru! Human
wind shield!
(Uncle grunts)
(Grunts)
Shendu:
The old man! Stop him!
Aah!
(Grunts)
Both: Unh!
Both: Whoa!
Oh!
Heeya!
Both: Oh!
Both: Unh!
(Incants in Chinese)
Sensei.
Uh-uh-uh.
Hi-yah!
Unh!
Unh!
All: Aah!
All: Ooh!
(All cough)
Check it out,
big v.
Jackie!
Fan the fan!
It's working!
Nooo!
Looks like it's off
to the wind
in the willows
for Mr. toad.
Now, before
we head home,
we must retrieve
the talismans.
Ooh, right.
Huh?
What do you know?
His prisoner number
checks out.
You're gettin'
your wish, Jackson.
It's solitary for you.
Uh, what? No!
I-I'm not
chance Jackson!
Look at my face!
My face!
Chinchilla!
Chinchilla!
Hey, Jackie,
if you could
be an animal,
which animal
would you be?
I wanna be a eagle.
I remember, uh, I have
a--a eagle about this big.
Way up to look down.
Ok, nobody can chase you.
Very free, you know,
wherever I wanna go.
I think eagle. Yes,
that's the best animal
I would be.
Shendu: The portal of
xiao fung, the wind demon,
lies upon the seventh
land mass,
4,000,001 cubits above
the Southern hemisphere,
beyond the placid forest,
nestled between
the rolling hills.
Uh, the only thing
I see nestlin'--
is hollow lands
penitentiary.
Valmont:
Do you mean to tell us
that the demon portal
lies somewhere within
those prison walls, shendu?
Shendu:
Do not take that tone
with me, valmont.
I did not build
the fortress.
I've heard of
bustin' outta jail,
but breakin' in?
No problem. I did
a stretch here.
Rumor has it there
are miles of tunnels
under the joint.
The pan ku box
mentioned no tunnels.
And I will not waste time
chasing windmills
when we can simply
allow ourselves to be
taken prisoner.
Oh, no.
I don't wanna go back.
Valmont and his pals
have been spotted
downtown.
You in, Jackie?
We're there.
Is your name Jackie?
(Scoffs)
Captain black,
I thought all
dark hand matters
had been reassigned
to section 12.
That may be so,
but I'm not gonna
sit pretty
while the dark hand
strolls into my backyard
to hand a hall pass
to a hobgoblin.
Captain black is
in the house!
(Strained groans)
Valmont: As the head
of an international
crime syndicate,
I refuse to
expose myself
by robbing
a common bank.
Shendu: You seem
to forget, valmont,
that in the event
of a stalemate,
I win.
Well?!
Must I remind you
that the portal
cannot be opened
without the pan ku box,
which I cannot touch?!
Valmont: Let's
get this over with.
Capt. Black:
Freeze, valmont!
All: We surrender.
You do?
You do?
Capt. Black:
Take 'em away.
(Chanting Chinese
incantation)
What do you think,
uncle--ow!
Do you see
any demons?
Nooo.
That is because this
is a bank vault,
not a demon portal!
And for your long career
of federal crimes,
I sentence you
to 50 years in hollow lands
maximum-security prison.
(Finn sobbing)
Yes, the dark hand
has been successfully
shut down, sir, but--
thank you.
We are proud, sir.
But I want
to recommend
that valmont
be reassigned
to another prison
immediately.
I have reason to believe
that he orchestrated
their appointment
to hollow lands
in order to locate
a demon portal.
No, sir, I've never
received psychological
counseling. Why?
Breathe deeply.
Eww, are you
wearing Cologne?
Capt. Black:
Aftershave.
They didn't
believe you,
did they?
(Sighs)
And if we can't
stop the demon
by moving
valmont out,
we are going to
have to move in.
You don't really
mean we, do you?
You in?
Cool! You're
going undercover!
Bu-but, I don't want
to be a prison guard.
Not a guard,
Jackie, an inmate.
Clearly, it's
- of the utmost importance
that valmont and his men
not recognize you,
Jackie.
Uh, the--the guards
and warden
will know who
I really am. Right?
Jackie, no can do.
This is completely
under the radar.
Kepler: Smile.
Bwoah--ooh!
Oh!
Don't worry,
all you need
to do
is mix your way
into valmont's
gang
and get ahold of
that pan ku box
before they
open the portal
with it.
Oh, is that all?
Say ahhh.
Aah!
Jackie chan,
meet chance Jackson,
master criminal.
Prison is full of
hard cases, Jackie.
Your disguise
is foolproof.
(Scoffs, snorts)
Hey, Jackie, you off
to the big house?
Wha--ut--grr!
Uh, good luck, chance.
If things get dicey,
just call and say
the password,
chinchilla.
Uh, what's a chinchilla?
Oh, captain black,
your supervisors
have requested
that we speak
with you, ja?
Valmont: We can't
find the portal
until the pan ku box arrives,
so we will just
have to wait.
Well, we could've been
traipsing our way out
through those tunnels
with our demon
of the week by now.
Alleged tunnels.
Anything's better
than doin' time,
right, ratso?
Come on, let's
- toss a few before lunch.
(Eagerly)
They're serving
gruel again.
What? It's fun-food.
Bingo.
(Gruffly)
Bingo!
Unh. Ooh, sorry.
(American accent)
Er, sorry I didn't
rearrange your molecules!
Watch where you're
goin' next time.
So, uh, what
are you in for?
Go away.
Chance Jackson,
safecracker.
Big whoop!
I crack them
with my head.
Hmm. You like baseball?
Ho ho, do I!
Aww, you guys
oughta give chance
a chance.
He's one of us.
Probably why
he reminds me
of somebody.
Howdy, guys.
Chance!
You wrangled
kitchen duty.
Supplies!
Everyone back!
At ease.
A bit obvious, but--
what?!
Hey, that's the warden's
birthday cake!
You just won a free trip
to solitary.
Shendu, mentally:
Valmont, you are
an imbecile!
Uh-oh.
Well, it's
gotta be somewhere.
P.A.: All inmates report
to mess hall for lunch.
You're in safe hands now.
(Gasps)
No!
Goo--oh--aargh!
(Roaring, growling)
H-hello.
I am free!
Whoa. We struck demon.
Not any demon.
Xiao fung, demon
of the wind.
Uh, like
breakin' wind?
(Cries out)
Ooh-oh!
Like breaking bones.
You care to explain
the swipe-and-run, chance?
Easy on him.
He found our boy.
Yeah!
Good instincts,
buddy.
So, uh, what's
with tumble dry?
Ahh, the sweet
scent of freedom.
Uh, actually,
your breeziness, sir,
you're not exactly free.
No?
You're in
the hoosegow.
Prison.
This prison is paradise
compared to the ghastly
abyss I have escaped.
Whatever
you say, chief,
but outside's
even better.
Beaches, movies
Yeah, so why don't you
huff and puff
and blow
this big house down?
No! I--I mean
You can't leave
without your boss,
can you?
Where is shendu?
Uh, shendu's
in valmont
And valmont's
in solitary.
Hmm. If I do not
free this valmont,
I will be burdened
with freeing
- my brothers and sisters.
Very well.
Whoa, you guys
can do that?
Concealment seems prudent.
Demons appear to stick out
like sore thumbs
in this modern world.
Ooh, he's gonna blend in
undercover-like.
Get it, chance?
Uh, got it.
Uh, chinchilla.
What's a chinchilla?
That's the password.
Just get me
captain black.
What do you mean,
he can't be disturbed?
Demon.
I see a demon.
And this one?
Socks worn by
a really big demon.
(American accent)
Uncle, it's, uh,
me, your nephew.
What? It does not
sound like you.
What do you mean
you are in prison?
You are
a bad influence
on Jade.
Good thing it
is not really you.
Who was that, uncle?
Eh, crank call.
Prince Albert in a can?
No, crazy talk about
demons and prisons.
(Gasps)
Ai-yaah!
We're gonna
create a diversion
so we can sneak
into solitary.
What's the plan?
Both: Food fight!
(All yell)
Ratso: Psst. Chance.
Let's break for it.
(American accent)
So, we goin' or what?
I liked you.
(Normal voice)
Uh-oh.
Hey, xiao,
meet Jackie chan.
Nemesis
to my brethren?
Ooh!
What just
happened here?
Never mind. Solitary.
Aah! Unh!
Jade:
Hi, Jackie.
Jade? Uncle?
How?
Tohru: Invisibility,
levitation, speed.
I borrowed some talismans
so we could bust you
out of the slammer.
Oh! Well, I don't
want to be out.
I want to be in
where the wind demon is.
Hmm. The fan
is the symbol
belonging
to the immortal
who originally
banished
the wind demon.
I must gather
chi spell
ingredients.
But there's no time.
Duh.
Ooh! Yaah!
Whoa-oh!
Unh, oh.
Oh, some
set of pipes.
The, uh,
valmont suite.
Ah, greetings,
brother xiao.
See? I knew
there were tunnels.
But I just broke out!
I demand to be thrown
into solitary.
I don't recognize him.
What's your
prisoner number?
Ohh!
Jade.
Jade.
(Alarm blares)
The dragon talisman
is very dangerous.
Talk later.
Chinchilla.
So, that's
a chinchilla.
Cute.
Change him back.
Fire in the hole.
Jade, stay here.
Tch, in a prison?
Well--ohh.
The way out's
gotta be that way.
Nah, we just
came from there.
Shendu,
I have had enough
of your lost
expedition!
Valmont: Shendu, your brother
is speaking to you.
Do not follow
so closely, Jade,
and pay attention
to everything I do.
Waah!
So good to see you again.
In fact
I'm all a-bluster.
(Inhales)
Back off, froggy!
Both: Aah!
Both: Waah!
Both: Unh!
(Xiao roars)
Both: Aah!
(Inhales)
(Grunts)
(Grunts, gasps)
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: I am sorry.
I will bring this back.
Thank you.
Put a cork in it!
(Exhales)
Aah!
Chinchil--
aah!
(Gasps)
Uh-oh.
Uncle: Ai-yaaah!
We will never find them.
Both: Whoa!
Unh. Ai-yaah.
Uncle, quickly!
Ah, Jackie.
There you are.
Where is he?
(Gasps)
You are going
to be sorry!
Xiao fung, the chi spell
will seal your doom!
One cannot cast
what one cannot catch.
(Inhales)
Wait! Let us get
out of the way!
(Exhales)
Sensei!
Ai-yaah!
The talisman!
Rabbit talisman
is very good,
but demon breath
is better.
Tohru! Human
wind shield!
(Uncle grunts)
(Grunts)
Shendu:
The old man! Stop him!
Aah!
(Grunts)
Both: Unh!
Both: Whoa!
Oh!
Heeya!
Both: Oh!
Both: Unh!
(Incants in Chinese)
Sensei.
Uh-uh-uh.
Hi-yah!
Unh!
Unh!
All: Aah!
All: Ooh!
(All cough)
Check it out,
big v.
Jackie!
Fan the fan!
It's working!
Nooo!
Looks like it's off
to the wind
in the willows
for Mr. toad.
Now, before
we head home,
we must retrieve
the talismans.
Ooh, right.
Huh?
What do you know?
His prisoner number
checks out.
You're gettin'
your wish, Jackson.
It's solitary for you.
Uh, what? No!
I-I'm not
chance Jackson!
Look at my face!
My face!
Chinchilla!
Chinchilla!
Hey, Jackie,
if you could
be an animal,
which animal
would you be?
I wanna be a eagle.
I remember, uh, I have
a--a eagle about this big.
Way up to look down.
Ok, nobody can chase you.
Very free, you know,
wherever I wanna go.
I think eagle. Yes,
that's the best animal
I would be.