8 Simple Rules (2002) s02e10 Episode Script

1
You are watching C-span's
continuous coverage
of the longest..
..filibuster in senate history.
-Rory; Would you
change the channel?
- You're closer to the remote.
- I did it last time.
Besides, you're in your prime.
-Is that a bug on the Tv?
-Yep!
-Isn't it bad to sit that
close to the screen?
-Some people would pick up
the bug and take it outside.
-And some people build
rockets and go to the moon.
All right, all right
I'll take care of it.
- You missed him.
- I put the fear of God in him.
-Hi everybody!
Hi!
-I can't believe you, guys..
..you are in the exact
positions you were..
..when I left this morning.
-Actually, grandpa had
his hand in his pants..
..and Rory had his
hand in his pants;
You're right! They are
in the same position.
-Ah! I just love my new
job at the 'Y'
The most rewarding thing that
could happen to a life guard..
..happened to me today.
This woman was swimming..
..across the pool, and
all of a sudden..
..she started to gasp and
wave her arms and yell:
"You look exactly like
Pamela Anderson!"
-Maybe she meant you're
a big, fake boobs.
-Kerry!
You know, I think we should
all take a cue from Bridget.
We could join the gym
and get in shape.
-Wait, mom! My
family can't join
I have friends there
I like this job.
Why are you trying
to ruin this for me?
-Why are you acting like you
are embarrassed by us?
-Oh, I'm not acting.
And the locker rooms
are over here..
..you'll need to bring
your own locks.
-Oh, sweetie -Don't call me
sweetie; I'm Miss Hennessy..
..and you are 'The Smiths'
-Well, excuse me, Miss Hennessy.
Look, Bridget. I know
this embarrasses you..
..but this is the closest
'Y' to our house..
..that has a family plan.
-And we also have a
Jacuzzi and sauna..
..but old people
shouldn't use a sauna..
..because it can raise
your heart rate..
..and it gives everyone
else in there the willies.
-Oh, really? This is
my granddaughter!!
Dad!
-Bridget, I'm sorry. But I'm
working more hours now..
..and I need a
place for you, kids,
to hang out when I'm not home.
-We have that place; It's
called: The living room.
-All right, family, we are
here to get healthy.
-Is this a smoking or
non-smoking gym?
-Dad, I brought you here because
I want you to be around..
..for a long, long time.
And the rest of you there's a
lots of activities
to choose from.
-Mom, I'm going to sit
by the pool and read.
-Doesn't sound like
exercise to me.
-Fine; I'll read with
ankle weights on.
-Try swimming that way too.
-All right; What about
you? 'Smart guy'.
-My eyes were drawn
towards Yoga.
-You? Yoga?
Oh, but honey, that's
another 15 bucks extra.
-Okay, I'll join a gang.
-What the hell is all this?
What happened to medicine
balls and punching bags?
-Actually, I think they keep
them down the hall..
..in the room with the
'Stegosaurus' -Ahh
I'll see you after class.
What did I do?
What did I do?
- Can I help you?!!
-Well, Yeah; I'm having a litle
trouble turning this on.
It's..Uhh-..Not
quite like the one we
got at The Olympic
Training Center.
- They're pretty confusing..
- Hmm.. -Press Start
And now, just put in:
Your age and your weight.
-No peekies.
Is that too much for you?
It was too much
when I sat down on it.
-My name's Holly, and I'm at
the front desk, if you need me.
-Thank you, Holly.
-I'm going to feel that tomorrow.
-Bridget! Watch me!
-Hey! Cut it out! Bridget!
Aren't you going to do something?
-Yes, yes. I'm sorry; One sec'.
Okay; All the blond
girls, out of the pool!!
Do you know what chlorine
does to hair like ours?
It turns it greening.
-Yeah! That what I meant.
-Hey! What about me?
-Oh, Gosh; I didn't
see you there.
It's gonna happen a lot to her.
-Hi; Excuse me, ladies.
Howdy'
Nice mat! Blue.
Oh! You're good!
-Okay, Class; Let's get
some of the kinks out ..
.. and start with:
'The Sun Salutation'
..and Up!
..and swan dive over.
And now, let's move into
'The Downward Facing Dog'
..and let's drop into: 'Cobra'
..and 'Release'
..and 'Cobra'
..and 'Release'
..and 'Cobra'
..and 'Release'
Now let's move back into:
'Downward Facing Dog'
..and let's go into:
'Proud Warrior'
Are you Okay?
Are you having trouble
with your 'Proud Warrior'?
-Please; Go away.
-Hey! How are The
Red Wings, doing?
-2 points out of first.
-How are The Pistons, doing?
-They won three in a row.
-Hey; What do you think
about that big trade.
-Fellows! I'm trying
to work out here.
- Working up a sweat, Jim?
- Oh yeah! No pain, no gain!
-That Holly's a knockout, Huh?
-I suppose; I
hadn't really noticed.
Here she comes -Gotcha.
-Ah; That's quality
workout humor.
-Hey; I'm Joe; Bad back, ulcer.
-Dave; Slipped disk;
High blood pressure.
Jim; You name it; I got it.
-Bridget; They're copying
your every move.
They're, like your "Mini-me's"
-I know; I thought shaping
eyebrows was fun..
..shaping minds is much cooler.
-Yes; Your work with
privileged blond children..
..is truly inspiring.
Thank you. Girls!
This is my sister, Kerry.
-But she's got red hair.
Do you guys, like, have
the same parents?
-Because our dad has a new
wife and they have a baby-
-And it's chinese.
-Is it like that?
-Yes.
-Come on! Hips, abs, and
thighs is starting.
You have to get up.
You're not helping.
-And there I was in Korea
driving Ted Williams..
..'The Splendid Splinter', down
to Seoul for a little R an R.
-Ha, ha, ha..ha.
-Hey, Jim! How's the
workout going?
-Ah, Great! I've figured
exactly how much..
..weight I can lift before
my back goes out.
-She wants you.
-No, she doesn't; She's
nice to everybody.
Of course I have
been working out.
- Hey! Class is ending.
- Oh, Oh, Aerobics class.
'Hey! Check out the 'Hot Blonde'
'Oh, come on, guys! Let's
show a little class here.
-Oh! I think that's
the new lifeguard.
Hey! I wouldn't mind getting a
little 'CPR' action
from her, huh?
I can't believe
you punched a guy.
Right in the face.
- Dad; I don't approve.
- I was defending..
..your daughter's honor.
Against a man half my age.
His mistake was not staying down.
-Tell me about it!
-I'm just so embarrassed;
Everyone at work
in talking about me.
My boss yelled at me.
You ruined my dream job.
-God! And now every knows
you're related to the 'Smiths'
-Uh, Bridget, look;
That environment is no place
for a young girl to be working.
Oh, I know, I know, It's
dangerous! Old men fight there.
-First rule of
'Old-men Fight Club':
"We don' talk about
Oldmen Fight Club".
-Bridget; You are not
going back to that job.
-You're not my parent!
You're my grandparent.
You're supposed to give me
money and presents and be cute.
-Cute! Cute? Do you know
who you're talking to?
I was Drove Ted
Williams! I know!!
All right, all
right -Well, I did!
All right! That is enough!!
-Mom, grandpa's being
completely unreasonable..
..I, finally, got my dream-job.
A job where I get paid..
..to wear a swimsuit
and sit, on a 'Throne'.
-Aren't you suppose to keep
people from drowning?
-That's just such a small
part of what I do.
I'm not quitting 'cause
grandpa said so.
-Did you hear how
she talked to me?
-I know; She was rude.
But she's right.
Bridget can take care of herself;
She's keeping the job.
-All right, all right.
Just spoil her.
-You know, I'm the parent
and you are the grandparent.
-Oh Yeah! I forgot;
My job is be cute.
-Look; It's just that being
a parent outranks you.
-It's kind of like, I'm
the Prime Minister..
..of England, and
you are the Queen.
-What did you just call me?
-Dad; Stay away from Bridget.
-Well, now..
..what on earth makes you think
I'd interfere with her life?
-All right. Just don't go
looking for trouble.
-I don't. Troubles
find me.
-Ah! Ahh!!
-You see? Look, you just
hurt yourself talking.
Now, Don't start anything!
-God! It's like some bad
science-fiction movie
I bet she's put pods in the pool.
Soon they'll
hatch, and we'll be..
..invaded by an army of tiny
muntant.. 'Bridgelets'!!
-I hate girls like that.
They're so superficial.
-Hi! I'm Kerry.
- Hi! I'm Vic.
- I'm Bridget.
-Dad;
-You have a beautiful
smile. Listen..ah..
..do you ever give private
swim lessons?
-Oh, no, no, no. But there is a..
..swimming class on thursday
afternoons that is..
..perfect for your age group.
We call it 'Cocoon'
-Actually, I was hoping for
a litle more one-on-one.
Hmm? Know what I mean?
-Do I know what you mean Vic!
Because you're being
so subtle Vic!
-You know what? Vic?
They know what you mean.
Girls! Come here!
What do we say to the nice man..
..that's hitting on
your lifeguard?
-Yeah! .. Right! .. Vic!!
- Hey; What's your problem? Huh?
- I don't have a problem.
You're the one hitting on me
trying bo be all
'Michael Douglas'
Okay, okay; Sorr..yyy!
Douglas ..Michael
Douglas, 'al. Righ'
-Some granddaughter
you got there, Huh?
-Yeah. What do you know?
She can take care of herself.
Damn it!
- You sound disappointed.
-No, no.
Its just that I kind of liked it
when I thought she needed me.
-So, is that what
this is all about?
-Well, I did kind of like
punching that guy in the face.
-Dad; Bridget can take care of
herself because I taught her.
And I could teach her
because you taught me.
-All right; All right.
-You're my rock, dad.
I don't know what I
would do without you.
I .. I ..I know I couldn't
have made it this far.
And, like I said, I want you to
be around for a long, long time.
So, go jump on one of
those exercise bikes..
..and pedal like
Holly's watching.
-Excuse me; Could I have
a word with you, buster?
- Gramps? Can I talk to you?
- Sure, Rory.
-It's kind of embarrassing.
It's something I woud have
talked to my dad about;
Come to think of it, I wouldn't
have told him,
either. Never mind.
-No, no, no, no Come
back here! Come on, come on.
Okay. What's up?
- Well..
I've got this
..'friend'
..who keeps showing up
when he's not wanted.
-Ask him to leave.
- I cant.
- Why not?
-He doesn't have any ears.
-I mean, 'He'
shows up all the time.
He's there in the morning,
he's there in the shower
I mean, I understand why he's
there when Missy
Kleinfed walks by;
But Hunter and I were
having cheeseburgers..
..and he was there, too.
-Oh, yeah, yeah. You know
when I was your age..
..my friend was always
showing up, too.
We were like, 'Hope and Crosby'
-Who? You do realize I'm
talking about my-
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking
about he same thing, son.
Now, what you're going through
is .. is .. is perfectly normal.
-How can this be normal?
I can barely walk!
-Calm down;
You see, its what happens
with a boy your age.
There..well.. In time it
will pass. It's a phase.
-Eventually you get married,
and they go away completely.
- So, it's normal. -Yeah.
- That's good. Thanks.
-So, what am I supposed
to do in the meantime?
-Well; Try to awoid any
situations where your friend..
You know, would
want to Ta.Daaa!!
I'm always telling you to stand
up straight, don't hunch over..
Take your hands
out of your pockets?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well..
Hunch over and put them back in!
-See, 'Cleopatra' had
dark hair, and 'Audrey.
Hepburn' and 'Jackie
Kennedy Onassis'
-Wow, ; I never knew so many
famous woman had brown hair.
-See? It doesn't matter
what color your hair is.
What's unforgettable is you.
-Hi, Bridget -I'm
sorry; Do I know you?
-She's in your swim class
-I have a brown-haired
girl in my swim class?
-Don't worry, Sara.
That has more to do with her
hair color than it does yours.
-Hi girls! Um,
Kerry, Sara; I need to talk
to Bridget for a second.
Yeah; I get bored
after that, too. Let's go.
- Bye, honey.
- Huh! Nothing!! See?
- Oh; I'm so prooo..ud.
You know, we
could put that on the
fridge next to
Kerry's report card.
So, honey; How was work today?
-It was great. So
much better since
grandpa didn't beat anybody up.
-You know, we're going to really
have to ease up on him a little.
Look; Let's just say someone
was trying to hurt..
..one of those little girls
that follows you around.
-Anyone who comes near
one of my little chicklets..
..would be so past tense.
-Well; That's how your
grandfather feels about you.
He really thought he
was protecting you.
-Honey; Everyone wants
to feel needed.
-Don't shut him out;
He's one of the good guys.
-Yeah, I know.
Mom; Are you really going
to put this on the fridge..
..or are you just saying that
to make me feel good?
-Okay; Let's
stretch to the right.
And a big stretch to the left.
-I think you're smart
starting Yoga, so young.
I'm here for my osteoporosis.
- What's that?
- Ahh, bone loss.
-Yeah! That's why
I'm here, too.
-You're adorable.
- If only I were younger.
- Thank you.
Oh! You gotta be kidding me!!
-You can run, but you can't hide.
- Hey, Gramps!
- Hi, Bridg'!
-Grandpa..
I need you.
You need me?
Yeah; Don't throw a
parade or anything..
..but, I was going to go to the
mall but that car is making a..
..'Chugga
Ghcugaa..ping, pong' sound.
-Maybe it's the oil.
Did you check the oil?
-Oh, grandpa,
there's plenty of oil.
The red light that says
"Oil", is on all the time.
-The 'Red Light' is 'On'?!
What are you thinking? Holy Cow!!
-Do I have to do everything
around here? I can't believe it.
-Bridget;
There's nothing wrong with the
car. I changed the oil yesterday.
You just sent him
out there for nothing.
Nothing?
Actually, I drained
the oil, and then
drove around
until that red light..
..came on and it started making
that 'chugga-chugga-ping' sound.
So, I sent grandpa out there
to make him feel needed.
You are wellcome.
-Wait, wait, wait a minute.
But, you did 'what' to my car?
Oh! There goes
a toenail! What the
hell did I do with
my other shoe?!
Hi, aunt Cate.
It's your nephew C.J. Hi!
Uh, sorry I missed
you. Listen, good news..
Looks like I'm going to be
heading out your way soon.
Yeah, in about, uh..
Oh one to six days.
So I cant't wait to see you.
Okay, Bye.
Buff.. Oh, I should have
told her about my van.
Hey, brother! Got any
change for the phone?
Come on! I saw that dude give
you a quarter; Don't be tight!
Pay it forward!
OOo