Shifting Gears (2025) s02e10 Episode Script
Friend
1
Georgia, how about you get off
your phone and help clean up?
Probably too busy flipping
NFTs on a Blockchain.
I know things.
No, I was reading this five-star
review of Mom's coffee shop.
- But I'll stop.
- Bup, bup, bup. Go on.
"The best coffee ever.
Love seeing a girlboss
in the neighborhood."
Ooh, "girlboss"! Haven't
heard that about me before.
I've heard, "Do you
know this girl, boss?"
After I was caught shoplifting ham.
A whole ham?
We don't have to talk about the ham.
I was just trying to make
Christmas special for you guys.
Mom, you're killing it.
You have a 4.9 rating.
That's almost as high as my GPA.
Why isn't it five?
Mrs. Palmer doesn't
like that I pointed out
that she went to Arizona State.
Oh, you?
Just one bad review.
What?
I don't give bad reviews.
I say stuff in person.
For instance, as a daughter,
you're kind of annoying.
But overall, I would recommend.
Aw.
So, uh, what does it say?
Who cares?
It's just some loser at home
behind a screen with no friends.
Sometimes he makes it too easy.
Carter, what are you doing tonight?
Six-seven.
I guess it's my fault
'cause I asked, huh?
Georgia, we should get going.
You sure you don't want
to go to the movies, Dad?
If I wanted sticky floors
and garbage everywhere,
I'd just go to Carter's room.
Come on. You haven't
gone out since Eve left.
Hang out with a friend.
I recently read a study
about male friendship.
- You read a study?
- Okay. I saw a meme.
Hey, Pops. I'm going to play mini-golf
with the Bro DiMaggios. You want in?
Heh-heh. Six-seven.
[ROCK THEME PLAYING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
This jerk, AJ89, gave Klatch one star.
Even the DMV's got one and a half.
So, what did this AJ89 say?
[CLEARS THROAT] "Not sure what's worse,
the coffee or the fake smile
plastered on the owner's face."
But uh!
My smile's not fake.
It's forced, but it means
it when it gets there.
Oh. Hi, welcome to Klatch Cafe.
Hi. I'll take a triple espresso.
Or, as I call it, a
panic attack in a cup.
[RILEY] Okay.
Well, today we're doing a fun promotion
where you write your
Yelp username on a napkin,
and in exchange you get the napkin.
Never seen you here before.
Yeah, I just moved back recently.
Nice to see all the new businesses,
especially the ones that sell drugs.
Haven't done that since high school.
Or as we called it, Valley
Village Extremely High.
[LAUGHING]
Valley Village. Go big V.
[GASPS] Ah! Go big V!
Suck it, Burbank High
and your low teen-pregnancy rate.
[LAUGHING]
- I'm Pete Holterman.
- Riley Parker.
Parker? Hm. Shot in the dark.
Any relation to Matt Parker?
Of Parker Customs and Restorations?
Oh, God. Are you serving me papers?
Also, he was probably allowed
to say it when he said it.
♪♪
Hey, Dad.
- Not now, please.
- Look who I found.
Mad Dog Matt Parker.
Pistol Pete Holterman, buddy!
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How are you? Man.
- Ah.
The first freshman ever
got on the varsity team
and celebrated by flushing
his own head in the toilet.
- I did.
- [MATT] Yeah, yeah.
I haven't seen this guy
since he won Most Improved
Player at the fall banquet.
I believe you gave
credit to Coach Jenkins,
your teammates, and Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, I thought my life had peaked then,
but turns out America had peaked then.
- Ah.
- You met my daughter, Riley,
who works right outside the door here
and lives inches from me with no rent.
Of course. Fellow Valley Village grad.
That's right, that's right.
Well, technically, I graduated
from NeverTooLateGED.com.
I'll let you two catch up.
Okay, good. Uh Sit
down, sit down. Sit.
Oh, well, maybe just for a sec.
- Oh, it sure is good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
So, what have you been up
to since we both had mullets?
Whose idea was it to
put bangs on our neck?
Well, wow. Um, well, I took this,
uh, machine shop over from my dad.
Turned it into a custom car shop.
Sadly, a recent widower.
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- Yeah. My best work is out there.
- Yeah. Riley seems awesome.
- No. The cars.
I was talking about the cars.
Listen, last I heard, uh,
you'd moved back east
to go to college, right?
Yeah. Yeah, I was in sales for a while.
- Then I moved to France.
- Ooh.
Got really into art, smoking,
and being rude to tourists.
Wow, this was going so well,
then you mentioned the F word.
You got a family? You
got kids or anything?
No kids, but I married
my husband, Damien, about 15 years ago.
Wow. So the old balls and chain.
That, I was not expecting.
Honestly, I really appreciate
that you didn't make
a big deal out of it.
Well, why would I?
That's who you are, right?
It's not like I didn't
know in high school.
Everybody knew, man.
You dressed like Boy George a lot.
- Well Yeah.
- Halloween.
Thanksgiving. Choir practice.
Okay.
Look, I think part of the reason
that I was keeping such a low profile
is I didn't know how the
guys on the team would react.
Understandable, wasn't the
most empathetic of times.
If the coach had seen you
fall down from dehydration,
he would have said,
"What, do you want to
sit under a parasol?"
Yeah. And if we needed water,
he'd say, "What are you, gay?"
Maybe that's what turned me.
Hey, this has been nice.
I'm sorry to cut it short.
I got to get going, though.
Oh, it is so good to
see you. It really is.
Listen, why don't we
get a drink sometime?
Oh, thanks, Matt, but I quit drinking.
That's another story.
Also involves a parasol.
Doesn't matter. Thanks.
- You bet.
- Ah, heck.
You know what? My husband
owns an art gallery.
He's got an opening tomorrow.
Why don't you bring Riley?
Perfect. That'd be great.
Is it real art or just people
taping bananas to a wall?
No, that's a different party.
You're not invited to that.
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
What's with the music?
Is this Klatch after dark?
I'm amping up the vibes, and
there's a lot more to come.
I'm looking into mimes.
Well, I think the music slaps, Mom.
And the smoke machine is a nice touch.
What? I don't have a smoke machine.
Or fire insurance!
She's never gonna let
those bad reviews go.
You know what we could do?
Drive to Tijuana and get veneers?
What? I thought there were no bad ideas.
Clearly, there are.
We can write a bunch
of fake good reviews
to bury the bad ones.
It's called review farming.
It's like when they hire some hot girls
to stand outside the club.
Then when you get inside,
ain't nothing but dudes and fours.
Alright, how's this for a review?
"I love Klatch Cafe.
"Fun fact. You know who drinks decaf?
De-cows."
And send.
- How many have you done?
- Including this one? One.
But don't worry, I have
a good one coming up
where I rhyme latte with hottie.
"No. Ask Carter to help.
He's your brother. It'll be good."
Whoa! You guys look great.
Party or night court?
We were invited to an art gallery.
Your grandfather has a gay friend.
You don't need to qualify that.
I don't introduce you as
my divorced, broke daughter.
True. You leave the daughter part out.
That's very open-minded of you, Pops.
Is your friend gay or queer?
You can't say that word.
Oh, is your "associate" gay or queer?
These days, a lot of LGBTQ
people prefer the word queer.
Okay. The only time the
letter "Q" should be used
is when it's preceded by "BB."
The real Q is,
how does Grandpa have a friend?
You know, for your information,
I have a lot of friends.
I just don't like any of 'em.
♪♪
[GASPS] Oh, wow. This looks great.
What a hip crowd.
So many fun hats and glasses.
So, this is where they
all go between protests?
Dad, let's not make assumptions.
How about this?
If you get an impulse
to say something rude,
just say, "Hmm, food for thought."
- Mad Dog! Oh, oh.
- Hey. Oh.
Come here, come here. I'm
so glad you guys made it.
- Matt, Riley.
- Ah.
This is my husband, Damien.
Damien, Matt Parker, good to meet you.
Nice to meet you. And I thought
I married out of my league.
Oh!
Riley is his daughter.
Oh.
A dependent that I
can't take off my taxes.
The gift that keeps on
taking. That's what I call her.
I'll set you up with our CPA.
We write off our kids as
employees of the business.
[WHISPERS] We have no kids.
[HIGH-PITCHED] Which
is why we have a boat.
Pete tells me you work on cars?
Well, yeah, like Botticelli
"works on" canvas.
Matt is a designer.
His shop resto-mods custom vehicles.
I told you this.
Ah. Uh-oh. I'm in trouble.
Well, you're both in the arts.
You curate these amazing exhibits,
and my dad's design sketches
are works of art themselves.
I'm sure they are.
Maybe we'll have to do an
exhibit of his car sketches.
[CHUCKLING]
No one else is laughing. Sorry.
I thought you were joking.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Damien can be a bit of an art snob.
Mm.
He called Michelangelo's
David an "Equinox six."
Yeah, well
No, I understand that. I'm
more of a car snob myself.
An AMC Gremlin is actually
scarier than the movie.
Everyone's an artist these
days. It's all Subway's fault.
But I suppose if those minimum wagers
can call themselves sandwich artists,
you and the guys at Jiffy Lube
can call yourselves car artists.
Oh.
Food for thought.
♪♪
Okay. How many reviews
have you done for my mom?
I did ten. Carter's done two.
We're still very proud.
I started last night with, uh,
"The coffee at Klatch
Cafe is incredible,"
but it sounded so impersonal.
So I went online to look up
synonyms for "incredible."
Four hours later, I'm on eBay buying
Pop Rocks from a
Norwegian kid named Bjorn.
Stitch?
- I ain't do none.
- None?
But wait a minute.
I got a good back story for my reviewer.
Her name is Renee. She's
a divorcee from Temecula.
She took to pumpkin spice
to ease the sting of her
cheating husband, Stan.
Mad respect to the
character work, though.
Well, can Renee type, "Great coffee,"
click five stars and submit?
We need reviews!
Wait a minute. You
gotta give Renee a break.
Stan left her for her sister.
Her older sister!
[SIGHS]
I should have paid for Russian bots.
♪♪
[PETE AND MATT LAUGHING]
Nothing to do with anything.
You two are having fun.
[LAUGHING] I'm sorry.
We'll be good.
You're kind of pulling focus.
Come on now. Don't get jealous.
Although, thanks to football,
I did shower with Matt
before I showered with you.
Okay, so what do we think
this artist is trying to say
with this painting about these
post-apocalyptic female figures, hmm?
If you turn it upside down,
does the dress come off?
'Cause I had a pen like that once.
Dog! [LAUGHS]
Matt, uh, clearly you
have some thoughts.
Do you want to share?
Matt here considers himself an artist.
Some draw inspiration from the greats
like, um, Henri Matisse.
Matt doodles cars.
Well, I get my inspiration
from "Henri" Ford.
And, uh it's good.
Okay, so no thoughts on the
distortion of perspective
to comment on the treatment of
women in a patriarchal society?
I'm surprised that an
artist like yourself
doesn't have a take on that.
- Well, it's uh, food for thought.
- Mm. Follow me.
I'm sorry. I love him,
but sometimes Damien
can be a little extra
when he's holding court.
And at Gelson's.
And at Barry's Bootcamp. They
moved him to the back row.
That's okay.
What are you doing?
I'm doing exactly what
you asked me to do.
I know, since when do you listen?
I didn't want you to be a jerk.
But if someone else is
being a jerk, you know,
unleash the jerk.
It's not my place to say
something in his gallery here.
Hang on.
Are you not calling him
out because he's gay?
No. Pete's my friend, right?
And I don't want to
make a scene in here.
Sometimes, honey, you got
to turn the other cheek.
Yes, I heard that.
Are you sure? Because
treating him differently
than you would a straight person
is a different kind of prejudice.
If I don't call him out, I'm a bad guy.
If I do call him out, I'm a bad guy.
This is why I don't go out.
Let's just please do the Irish goodbye.
And don't tell anybody
I said it that way.
♪♪
Whoa! Are you making a French exit?
Oh, no. We were trying
to do the Irish goodbye.
The French exit would be
a surrender, wouldn't it?
- Thanks for tonight.
- Yeah, thanks.
And, uh, Damien,
I did get tipsy and bid on
the lady skeleton painting.
If I win, there is no
possible way I can pay for it.
Thank you for stopping by.
And I know that fine art
is not the forte of someone
who owns a body shop.
- RuPaul.
- What? Ugh.
Oh, that's our safe word in
case he's getting too mean.
You know, Damien, um,
if you'll remember,
I'm a custom car designer.
I design, I implement, I manufacture,
I make dreams come true.
The best I can see in here
what you do is hang
other people's paintings.
Oh. [CHUCKLES] Perfect.
Just in time for the show.
Yes, I will take one, too.
I wish I could.
I've never needed one more.
Matt, continue.
I'm a member of the
Broad Museum downtown.
I'm also aware of Basquiat's
exhibition down there,
which reminds me of
some of the work here,
because these people are copying it
and making bad knockoffs of his art.
Oh no. Pete's old football buddy
gives the exhibit a frowny face.
I don't like being defined
by a stereotype. Nobody does.
And just because people have a skill set
that you may not understand,
it does not mean that
they're not artists.
Pete, it was good to see you.
I wouldn't feed him after 12.
I think he is a gremlin.
And I'm keeping this
flute. Oh, that's right.
I called it a flute!
Oh, hey. How was the art show?
It was interesting.
The good news is your grandfather
wasn't the most offensive person there.
Oh, no. Mom, what accent did you do?
Did you notice Klatch
is at a five-star rating?
A lot of great new reviews.
Yeah, from complete strangers.
Like that one from Yaboi09.
Yeah, well, AJ89 posted a new one, too.
"I like how the owner has a tip jar.
Here's a tip, do your job."
What's your beef with AJ89?
Kind of makes sense. [CHUCKLES]
You can't keep obsessing.
The best way to win over AJ89
is to give them something for free.
Uh, I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Then why did Georgia get
a raise on her allowance?
♪♪
Morning, Andy. You want your usual?
Yeah, and I got your email
about a free cake pop.
Now, as a rule, I try to
avoid foods on a stick.
As another rule, I do
not turn down free cake.
Oh my God, you're AJ89?!
How do you like this "vibe"?
Well, I'll be honest, I do not.
Why did you write all those reviews
about how terrible this place is?
Oh, I don't write reviews. I'm a lawyer.
I put nothing in writing.
Okay, so you didn't write this?
"The vibes at Klatch
Cafe are super cringe.
One star."
Mm-hmm. Case closed.
You just got Matlocked.
"Cringe." Oh, my God,
that's gotta be Penny.
- Who's Penny?
- My teenage daughter.
Cringe is her favorite word.
It was delulu, which is
now apparently cringe.
She hates that we stop here
every day on the way to school.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry for
smashing your cake pop.
And for putting a laxative
in the cake pop I was going to give you.
No, no, I am sorry. I will take
those reviews down right now.
Ugh, thank you.
So why do you stop here every day?
Well, my daughter says
it's because I have a
crush on the cute barista.
She said that?
I added the cute.
My God, you're so cringe. And so right.
And also sweet and charming.
And maybe somebody
you'd go to dinner with?
Oh, um, I guess that
kind of depends on Yes.
Well, that's great for me.
My daughter is going to be pissed.
Maybe don't read your reviews
for a couple of days, huh?
Oh, Andy, um, before you go,
let me give you a good cake pop.
Wait, are the pink ones the
safe ones or the blue ones?
Everyone, cake pops down!
Ooh! Alright. Alright, Stitch.
We're gonna get the leather
finished on the steering wheel.
And, Gabe, we got to
get this engine right.
- Hey! Mad Dog.
- Oh, God.
Hey, just hit me with
that wrench. Go ahead.
- What? No!
- Give it to me. I'll do it.
Hey, Pete. Good to see you.
Looks like you brought
the aptly named Damien.
Yeah. You know, no one
has ever called me out
the way you did in my own gallery.
It's punk. I love it.
Well, I'll be happy to
do it here in my gallery.
That is why my way too
patient and loving husband
insisted we come down
so that I could tell you
to your face that, uh, what
you said was refreshing.
The only other thing I've
ever heard him call refreshing
is when there's a no children
policy at a restaurant.
Mm.
- Is that actually a thing?
- Oh, Cocino in Beverly Hills.
Really? What kind of food do they have?
Never mind. I'm in. I like it.
I like you, Matt. Most
people at my exhibits
are sheep who just nod
along to whatever I say
because I'm the gallerist.
And because you throw a
tantrum when they don't.
Oh, right.
By the way, oh, this is amazing.
I mean, I haven't seen
lines this beautiful
since Pam Anderson
stopped wearing makeup.
Well, I always think
creativity comes from God.
I can only take a
little bit of the credit.
Well, it's pretty spectacular.
I mean, it's like classical influence,
you know, with a touch of danger.
Like, um, oh, Ed Hopper
- meets Dennis Hopper.
- Dennis Hopper.
- There you go, yeah.
- Yeah.
You know what they
say. Good artists copy,
great artists steal,
with a little bit of help.
Oh, can I just wave from here?
Does he like me?
Nah, he's looking at all this chocolate.
♪♪
Georgia, how about you get off
your phone and help clean up?
Probably too busy flipping
NFTs on a Blockchain.
I know things.
No, I was reading this five-star
review of Mom's coffee shop.
- But I'll stop.
- Bup, bup, bup. Go on.
"The best coffee ever.
Love seeing a girlboss
in the neighborhood."
Ooh, "girlboss"! Haven't
heard that about me before.
I've heard, "Do you
know this girl, boss?"
After I was caught shoplifting ham.
A whole ham?
We don't have to talk about the ham.
I was just trying to make
Christmas special for you guys.
Mom, you're killing it.
You have a 4.9 rating.
That's almost as high as my GPA.
Why isn't it five?
Mrs. Palmer doesn't
like that I pointed out
that she went to Arizona State.
Oh, you?
Just one bad review.
What?
I don't give bad reviews.
I say stuff in person.
For instance, as a daughter,
you're kind of annoying.
But overall, I would recommend.
Aw.
So, uh, what does it say?
Who cares?
It's just some loser at home
behind a screen with no friends.
Sometimes he makes it too easy.
Carter, what are you doing tonight?
Six-seven.
I guess it's my fault
'cause I asked, huh?
Georgia, we should get going.
You sure you don't want
to go to the movies, Dad?
If I wanted sticky floors
and garbage everywhere,
I'd just go to Carter's room.
Come on. You haven't
gone out since Eve left.
Hang out with a friend.
I recently read a study
about male friendship.
- You read a study?
- Okay. I saw a meme.
Hey, Pops. I'm going to play mini-golf
with the Bro DiMaggios. You want in?
Heh-heh. Six-seven.
[ROCK THEME PLAYING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
This jerk, AJ89, gave Klatch one star.
Even the DMV's got one and a half.
So, what did this AJ89 say?
[CLEARS THROAT] "Not sure what's worse,
the coffee or the fake smile
plastered on the owner's face."
But uh!
My smile's not fake.
It's forced, but it means
it when it gets there.
Oh. Hi, welcome to Klatch Cafe.
Hi. I'll take a triple espresso.
Or, as I call it, a
panic attack in a cup.
[RILEY] Okay.
Well, today we're doing a fun promotion
where you write your
Yelp username on a napkin,
and in exchange you get the napkin.
Never seen you here before.
Yeah, I just moved back recently.
Nice to see all the new businesses,
especially the ones that sell drugs.
Haven't done that since high school.
Or as we called it, Valley
Village Extremely High.
[LAUGHING]
Valley Village. Go big V.
[GASPS] Ah! Go big V!
Suck it, Burbank High
and your low teen-pregnancy rate.
[LAUGHING]
- I'm Pete Holterman.
- Riley Parker.
Parker? Hm. Shot in the dark.
Any relation to Matt Parker?
Of Parker Customs and Restorations?
Oh, God. Are you serving me papers?
Also, he was probably allowed
to say it when he said it.
♪♪
Hey, Dad.
- Not now, please.
- Look who I found.
Mad Dog Matt Parker.
Pistol Pete Holterman, buddy!
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How are you? Man.
- Ah.
The first freshman ever
got on the varsity team
and celebrated by flushing
his own head in the toilet.
- I did.
- [MATT] Yeah, yeah.
I haven't seen this guy
since he won Most Improved
Player at the fall banquet.
I believe you gave
credit to Coach Jenkins,
your teammates, and Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, I thought my life had peaked then,
but turns out America had peaked then.
- Ah.
- You met my daughter, Riley,
who works right outside the door here
and lives inches from me with no rent.
Of course. Fellow Valley Village grad.
That's right, that's right.
Well, technically, I graduated
from NeverTooLateGED.com.
I'll let you two catch up.
Okay, good. Uh Sit
down, sit down. Sit.
Oh, well, maybe just for a sec.
- Oh, it sure is good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
So, what have you been up
to since we both had mullets?
Whose idea was it to
put bangs on our neck?
Well, wow. Um, well, I took this,
uh, machine shop over from my dad.
Turned it into a custom car shop.
Sadly, a recent widower.
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- Yeah. My best work is out there.
- Yeah. Riley seems awesome.
- No. The cars.
I was talking about the cars.
Listen, last I heard, uh,
you'd moved back east
to go to college, right?
Yeah. Yeah, I was in sales for a while.
- Then I moved to France.
- Ooh.
Got really into art, smoking,
and being rude to tourists.
Wow, this was going so well,
then you mentioned the F word.
You got a family? You
got kids or anything?
No kids, but I married
my husband, Damien, about 15 years ago.
Wow. So the old balls and chain.
That, I was not expecting.
Honestly, I really appreciate
that you didn't make
a big deal out of it.
Well, why would I?
That's who you are, right?
It's not like I didn't
know in high school.
Everybody knew, man.
You dressed like Boy George a lot.
- Well Yeah.
- Halloween.
Thanksgiving. Choir practice.
Okay.
Look, I think part of the reason
that I was keeping such a low profile
is I didn't know how the
guys on the team would react.
Understandable, wasn't the
most empathetic of times.
If the coach had seen you
fall down from dehydration,
he would have said,
"What, do you want to
sit under a parasol?"
Yeah. And if we needed water,
he'd say, "What are you, gay?"
Maybe that's what turned me.
Hey, this has been nice.
I'm sorry to cut it short.
I got to get going, though.
Oh, it is so good to
see you. It really is.
Listen, why don't we
get a drink sometime?
Oh, thanks, Matt, but I quit drinking.
That's another story.
Also involves a parasol.
Doesn't matter. Thanks.
- You bet.
- Ah, heck.
You know what? My husband
owns an art gallery.
He's got an opening tomorrow.
Why don't you bring Riley?
Perfect. That'd be great.
Is it real art or just people
taping bananas to a wall?
No, that's a different party.
You're not invited to that.
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
What's with the music?
Is this Klatch after dark?
I'm amping up the vibes, and
there's a lot more to come.
I'm looking into mimes.
Well, I think the music slaps, Mom.
And the smoke machine is a nice touch.
What? I don't have a smoke machine.
Or fire insurance!
She's never gonna let
those bad reviews go.
You know what we could do?
Drive to Tijuana and get veneers?
What? I thought there were no bad ideas.
Clearly, there are.
We can write a bunch
of fake good reviews
to bury the bad ones.
It's called review farming.
It's like when they hire some hot girls
to stand outside the club.
Then when you get inside,
ain't nothing but dudes and fours.
Alright, how's this for a review?
"I love Klatch Cafe.
"Fun fact. You know who drinks decaf?
De-cows."
And send.
- How many have you done?
- Including this one? One.
But don't worry, I have
a good one coming up
where I rhyme latte with hottie.
"No. Ask Carter to help.
He's your brother. It'll be good."
Whoa! You guys look great.
Party or night court?
We were invited to an art gallery.
Your grandfather has a gay friend.
You don't need to qualify that.
I don't introduce you as
my divorced, broke daughter.
True. You leave the daughter part out.
That's very open-minded of you, Pops.
Is your friend gay or queer?
You can't say that word.
Oh, is your "associate" gay or queer?
These days, a lot of LGBTQ
people prefer the word queer.
Okay. The only time the
letter "Q" should be used
is when it's preceded by "BB."
The real Q is,
how does Grandpa have a friend?
You know, for your information,
I have a lot of friends.
I just don't like any of 'em.
♪♪
[GASPS] Oh, wow. This looks great.
What a hip crowd.
So many fun hats and glasses.
So, this is where they
all go between protests?
Dad, let's not make assumptions.
How about this?
If you get an impulse
to say something rude,
just say, "Hmm, food for thought."
- Mad Dog! Oh, oh.
- Hey. Oh.
Come here, come here. I'm
so glad you guys made it.
- Matt, Riley.
- Ah.
This is my husband, Damien.
Damien, Matt Parker, good to meet you.
Nice to meet you. And I thought
I married out of my league.
Oh!
Riley is his daughter.
Oh.
A dependent that I
can't take off my taxes.
The gift that keeps on
taking. That's what I call her.
I'll set you up with our CPA.
We write off our kids as
employees of the business.
[WHISPERS] We have no kids.
[HIGH-PITCHED] Which
is why we have a boat.
Pete tells me you work on cars?
Well, yeah, like Botticelli
"works on" canvas.
Matt is a designer.
His shop resto-mods custom vehicles.
I told you this.
Ah. Uh-oh. I'm in trouble.
Well, you're both in the arts.
You curate these amazing exhibits,
and my dad's design sketches
are works of art themselves.
I'm sure they are.
Maybe we'll have to do an
exhibit of his car sketches.
[CHUCKLING]
No one else is laughing. Sorry.
I thought you were joking.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Damien can be a bit of an art snob.
Mm.
He called Michelangelo's
David an "Equinox six."
Yeah, well
No, I understand that. I'm
more of a car snob myself.
An AMC Gremlin is actually
scarier than the movie.
Everyone's an artist these
days. It's all Subway's fault.
But I suppose if those minimum wagers
can call themselves sandwich artists,
you and the guys at Jiffy Lube
can call yourselves car artists.
Oh.
Food for thought.
♪♪
Okay. How many reviews
have you done for my mom?
I did ten. Carter's done two.
We're still very proud.
I started last night with, uh,
"The coffee at Klatch
Cafe is incredible,"
but it sounded so impersonal.
So I went online to look up
synonyms for "incredible."
Four hours later, I'm on eBay buying
Pop Rocks from a
Norwegian kid named Bjorn.
Stitch?
- I ain't do none.
- None?
But wait a minute.
I got a good back story for my reviewer.
Her name is Renee. She's
a divorcee from Temecula.
She took to pumpkin spice
to ease the sting of her
cheating husband, Stan.
Mad respect to the
character work, though.
Well, can Renee type, "Great coffee,"
click five stars and submit?
We need reviews!
Wait a minute. You
gotta give Renee a break.
Stan left her for her sister.
Her older sister!
[SIGHS]
I should have paid for Russian bots.
♪♪
[PETE AND MATT LAUGHING]
Nothing to do with anything.
You two are having fun.
[LAUGHING] I'm sorry.
We'll be good.
You're kind of pulling focus.
Come on now. Don't get jealous.
Although, thanks to football,
I did shower with Matt
before I showered with you.
Okay, so what do we think
this artist is trying to say
with this painting about these
post-apocalyptic female figures, hmm?
If you turn it upside down,
does the dress come off?
'Cause I had a pen like that once.
Dog! [LAUGHS]
Matt, uh, clearly you
have some thoughts.
Do you want to share?
Matt here considers himself an artist.
Some draw inspiration from the greats
like, um, Henri Matisse.
Matt doodles cars.
Well, I get my inspiration
from "Henri" Ford.
And, uh it's good.
Okay, so no thoughts on the
distortion of perspective
to comment on the treatment of
women in a patriarchal society?
I'm surprised that an
artist like yourself
doesn't have a take on that.
- Well, it's uh, food for thought.
- Mm. Follow me.
I'm sorry. I love him,
but sometimes Damien
can be a little extra
when he's holding court.
And at Gelson's.
And at Barry's Bootcamp. They
moved him to the back row.
That's okay.
What are you doing?
I'm doing exactly what
you asked me to do.
I know, since when do you listen?
I didn't want you to be a jerk.
But if someone else is
being a jerk, you know,
unleash the jerk.
It's not my place to say
something in his gallery here.
Hang on.
Are you not calling him
out because he's gay?
No. Pete's my friend, right?
And I don't want to
make a scene in here.
Sometimes, honey, you got
to turn the other cheek.
Yes, I heard that.
Are you sure? Because
treating him differently
than you would a straight person
is a different kind of prejudice.
If I don't call him out, I'm a bad guy.
If I do call him out, I'm a bad guy.
This is why I don't go out.
Let's just please do the Irish goodbye.
And don't tell anybody
I said it that way.
♪♪
Whoa! Are you making a French exit?
Oh, no. We were trying
to do the Irish goodbye.
The French exit would be
a surrender, wouldn't it?
- Thanks for tonight.
- Yeah, thanks.
And, uh, Damien,
I did get tipsy and bid on
the lady skeleton painting.
If I win, there is no
possible way I can pay for it.
Thank you for stopping by.
And I know that fine art
is not the forte of someone
who owns a body shop.
- RuPaul.
- What? Ugh.
Oh, that's our safe word in
case he's getting too mean.
You know, Damien, um,
if you'll remember,
I'm a custom car designer.
I design, I implement, I manufacture,
I make dreams come true.
The best I can see in here
what you do is hang
other people's paintings.
Oh. [CHUCKLES] Perfect.
Just in time for the show.
Yes, I will take one, too.
I wish I could.
I've never needed one more.
Matt, continue.
I'm a member of the
Broad Museum downtown.
I'm also aware of Basquiat's
exhibition down there,
which reminds me of
some of the work here,
because these people are copying it
and making bad knockoffs of his art.
Oh no. Pete's old football buddy
gives the exhibit a frowny face.
I don't like being defined
by a stereotype. Nobody does.
And just because people have a skill set
that you may not understand,
it does not mean that
they're not artists.
Pete, it was good to see you.
I wouldn't feed him after 12.
I think he is a gremlin.
And I'm keeping this
flute. Oh, that's right.
I called it a flute!
Oh, hey. How was the art show?
It was interesting.
The good news is your grandfather
wasn't the most offensive person there.
Oh, no. Mom, what accent did you do?
Did you notice Klatch
is at a five-star rating?
A lot of great new reviews.
Yeah, from complete strangers.
Like that one from Yaboi09.
Yeah, well, AJ89 posted a new one, too.
"I like how the owner has a tip jar.
Here's a tip, do your job."
What's your beef with AJ89?
Kind of makes sense. [CHUCKLES]
You can't keep obsessing.
The best way to win over AJ89
is to give them something for free.
Uh, I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Then why did Georgia get
a raise on her allowance?
♪♪
Morning, Andy. You want your usual?
Yeah, and I got your email
about a free cake pop.
Now, as a rule, I try to
avoid foods on a stick.
As another rule, I do
not turn down free cake.
Oh my God, you're AJ89?!
How do you like this "vibe"?
Well, I'll be honest, I do not.
Why did you write all those reviews
about how terrible this place is?
Oh, I don't write reviews. I'm a lawyer.
I put nothing in writing.
Okay, so you didn't write this?
"The vibes at Klatch
Cafe are super cringe.
One star."
Mm-hmm. Case closed.
You just got Matlocked.
"Cringe." Oh, my God,
that's gotta be Penny.
- Who's Penny?
- My teenage daughter.
Cringe is her favorite word.
It was delulu, which is
now apparently cringe.
She hates that we stop here
every day on the way to school.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry for
smashing your cake pop.
And for putting a laxative
in the cake pop I was going to give you.
No, no, I am sorry. I will take
those reviews down right now.
Ugh, thank you.
So why do you stop here every day?
Well, my daughter says
it's because I have a
crush on the cute barista.
She said that?
I added the cute.
My God, you're so cringe. And so right.
And also sweet and charming.
And maybe somebody
you'd go to dinner with?
Oh, um, I guess that
kind of depends on Yes.
Well, that's great for me.
My daughter is going to be pissed.
Maybe don't read your reviews
for a couple of days, huh?
Oh, Andy, um, before you go,
let me give you a good cake pop.
Wait, are the pink ones the
safe ones or the blue ones?
Everyone, cake pops down!
Ooh! Alright. Alright, Stitch.
We're gonna get the leather
finished on the steering wheel.
And, Gabe, we got to
get this engine right.
- Hey! Mad Dog.
- Oh, God.
Hey, just hit me with
that wrench. Go ahead.
- What? No!
- Give it to me. I'll do it.
Hey, Pete. Good to see you.
Looks like you brought
the aptly named Damien.
Yeah. You know, no one
has ever called me out
the way you did in my own gallery.
It's punk. I love it.
Well, I'll be happy to
do it here in my gallery.
That is why my way too
patient and loving husband
insisted we come down
so that I could tell you
to your face that, uh, what
you said was refreshing.
The only other thing I've
ever heard him call refreshing
is when there's a no children
policy at a restaurant.
Mm.
- Is that actually a thing?
- Oh, Cocino in Beverly Hills.
Really? What kind of food do they have?
Never mind. I'm in. I like it.
I like you, Matt. Most
people at my exhibits
are sheep who just nod
along to whatever I say
because I'm the gallerist.
And because you throw a
tantrum when they don't.
Oh, right.
By the way, oh, this is amazing.
I mean, I haven't seen
lines this beautiful
since Pam Anderson
stopped wearing makeup.
Well, I always think
creativity comes from God.
I can only take a
little bit of the credit.
Well, it's pretty spectacular.
I mean, it's like classical influence,
you know, with a touch of danger.
Like, um, oh, Ed Hopper
- meets Dennis Hopper.
- Dennis Hopper.
- There you go, yeah.
- Yeah.
You know what they
say. Good artists copy,
great artists steal,
with a little bit of help.
Oh, can I just wave from here?
Does he like me?
Nah, he's looking at all this chocolate.
♪♪