Poker Face (2023) s02e11 Episode Script

1
[GIDEON] [ON TV]
We just shape, shape, shape.
And we keep shaping
until we get something
that looks like [CHUCKLES]
a bow tie.
Boom. Why, hello, Mr. Bond.
Now you're ready
to complete your mission,
even if it's just lookin' sharp
at your buddy's wedding.
Now I can hear some of you
screaming at the screen.
Whoa, hang on there, Gideon.
Way too fast. Way too fast.
Okay, I hear you. Stop yelling at me.
Now, I don't want you to be frustrated
because yours didn't
turn out perfectly
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
the first time. I've had
What the Can I help you?
[CHAUFFEUR] I'm your chauffeur.
Round-trip car service
compliments of the groom.
Oh, uh, you sure that's for me?
Should've been mentioned
on your invitation.
Mind if I take a peek?
Yeah, sure.
[CHAUFFEUR] It must be a misprint.
I'll have a talk with
our secretary about that.
The car is ready whenever you are.
Oh, uh
Oh Yeah, okay. Well, can you, uh
Two minutes. Two
minutes and then I'll
- Of course.
- Okay, thank you.
[FOOTSTEPS PLODDING]
[DOOR CREAKS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[DOOR CREAKS]
[DOOR LATCH CLICKS]
Lift it up.
Put it through that small hole.
Then we just shape, shape, shape.
[CHAUFFEUR] Need a hand
with that bow tie?
[GIDEON] shaping
until we get something
that looks like [CHUCKLES]
a bow tie.
[CHUCKLING] Yes, I actually do.
That would be great.
[GIDEON] I don't want you
to be frustrated.
Yeah, I would appreciate that.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm a teacher. I should
I should be able to teach myself
how to use a bow tie. [CHUCKLES]
I wanted to wear a clip-on.
[CHAUFFEUR] Oh, no, no, no, no.
The groom wasn't having it.
- [CHAUFFEUR] This is a nice tux.
- Thank you.
[CHAUFFEUR] What are you, a 41 regular?
- Oh, yeah, I am.
- [CHAUFFEUR] Perfect. Me too.
[VICTIM GASPS]
- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [VICTIM GASPING]
[VICTIM MOANS]
Not too tight that it's choking you,
unless that's what you're into.
- [VICTIM GASPING]
- [FABRIC CREAKING]
[GIDEON] Take that side,
throw it over the shoulder.
[BODY THUDS]
[GLASS EYE THUMPS]
[ZIPPER WHIZZES]
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
[BUTTON CLICKS]
[PLASTIC CRINKLING]
[GIDEON] Why, hello, Mr. Bond.
Now you're ready
to complete your mission,
even if it's just lookin' sharp
at your buddy's wedding.
Now I can hear some of you
screaming at the screen.
[MASK SQUISHING]
Whoa, hang on there, Gideon.
Way too fast. Way too fast.
Okay, I hear you. Stop yelling at me.
I make it look easy. But right now,
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
If your bow tie looks a little messy,
that's part of the charm.
I want you to pause
this video right now
- and go find a picture
- [ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
of Winston Churchill.
His bow ties were always a train wreck.
One side is bigger than
the other, it's all askew.
- [BUTTON CLICKS]
- [ZIPPER WHIZZING]
[GUARD] Good afternoon, sir.
I just need a invitation and some ID.
Welcome, Mr. Tolocci.
- Are you alright, sir?
- Yeah.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES]
Excuse me, what is this?
Tastes like balls.
Oh, that's the main ingredient.
It's our signature cocktail
this evening.
Vodka, botanicals,
and Ballzilla energy drink.
Isn't that, that MLM that keeps
getting sued left and right?
Uh, at least two
of those lawsuits settled.
But, um, if you're interested
in manifesting abundance
and joining the groom's
Ballzilla Triangle of Success,
- I can
- [GLASS CLINKS]
I'm not. Thank you.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- Thank you.
- Sure.
Who are you here for?
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
The groom.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, my God.
[JAZZY BRIDAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[FAKE TOLOCCI] Why the hell
are there federal agents
staking out the wedding?
And why am I only finding out
about this now?
I mean, who do you think I am?
Who the fuck
do you think you have hired?
You want a cowboy, go to the ranch,
'cause I am a professional
and when my employer
gives me faulty prep,
that makes me walk away.
'Cause that means
I'm either being misled
or I'm being led by an idiot.
So, which is it?
[CLIENT] [ON PHONE]
Stick with the plan.
Find a patsy to take the fall,
and we'll double your fee
to help compensate
for the added risk.
Patsy? Right.
[DOOR OPENS]
[WATER SPLASHING]
[GASPS]
I did not see you there.
[FAKE TOLOCCI] Uh, that's okay, Dad.
That's right.
Yeah, I'll tell her.
Okay. Bye-bye.
I am so sorry. I'm all
over the place today.
Oh, that's alright.
I'm all over the place every day.
Well, I mean, I would
lose my oyster knife
if it wasn't attached
to my, uh Oh, my
You know what? I actually
have to get these in the fridge.
I am so sorry.
Um, hi and bye. [CHUCKLES]
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Goodbye.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Patsy, on the half shell.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
You look like you could use a drink,
one without ball juice.
But then how am I going
to get my daily dose
of radioactive sludge?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I'm kidding. Um, cheers.
[GLASSES CLINK]
- I'm Alex.
- Todd.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Has, uh, has anyone ever
called you Hot Toddy?
[FAKE TOLOCCI] [LAUGHS]
Not until today.
[KIRBY] There he is!
Mr. Tolocci, fucking legend.
Come here. Get over here.
- Come on.
- [KIRBY] Hey, get the guys.
- Hey, come here.
- Hey, Lenape High pic.
This guy!
[LAUGHING]
I can't believe how different you look.
- [FAKE TOLOCCI] Yeah, well.
- You're
You you used to look different.
Well, it's been a few years, Kirby.
Yeah. I-I'm so glad you're here, Mr. T.
I-I still feel bad about that whole
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, I didn't even know
a rubber band could do that.
- Well
- They should, they should put
a warning label or some shit
on those packages, you know,
if they're that fuckin' dangerous.
Well, they do. It's written on
the back. You just gotta read it.
Remember that eye jelly
all over your classroom floor.
Oh, I remember that.
Dude, that was fucked up.
- Yeah.
- Listen to me now,
I'm gonna make it all up to you.
I've got a new product line
that's dropping,
Ballzilla supplement powders,
"Powder Your Ballz."
And I'm gonna get you in
on the ground floor.
So no more of that bullshit
teacher salary shit, man.
Get ready to start
manifesting abundance.
[FAKE TOLOCCI] That's
awesome, man. I'll see you guys.
Not so fast.
You gotta do the thing.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
The thing?
Yeah, the fuckin' hilarious thing
you used to do all the time.
Do it.
[TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Oh, yeah.
- Come on, do it right now.
Fuckin' do it.
Sure.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
There's just one more thing.
[GROUP LAUGHING]
Right? Just one thing.
I don't even know
where that shit is from.
That cracks me the fuck up, dude.
You're a fucking legend, Mr. T.
Fuck you. You're so funny.
[GROUP] [CHANTING] Mr. T! Mr. T!
Mr. T! Mr. T!
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, what
did we say about chanting?
No chanting till after the toast.
No chanting, period.
[WHISPERING] If you don't
get your shit together, I'm gonna
- [KISS SMACKS]
- Love you.
I gotta go do some chick shit.
[SOFTLY] Mr. T.
[EXHALES]
I think you need
to manifest some new friends.
Yeah.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MAN] Hey, asshole!
[URINE SPLASHING]
[FAINT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCOFFS]
Dude, these aren't
the only two urinals.
You got other options.
You don't have to stand
right next to me.
This is why we always
used to rag on you, man.
'Cause you are a fuckin' pervo.
Don't look at my dick, dude.
[URINE SPLASHING]
Take your hands off me.
- [KIRBY GASPING]
- [URINE SPLASHING]
[GRUNTING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
[BODY THUDS]
[FAINT DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES]
[FAKE TOLOCCI GRUNTS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[GUESTS CHATTERING]
[SNIFFS] Fuck.
What the hell?
Oh!
I'm gonna find whoever did this.
This is basically murder.
Do you hear me? Murder?
[OYSTERS CLINKING]
[FOOTSTEPS CLOMPING]
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
[WATER SPLASHES]
[FOREBODING MUSIC SWELLS]
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[BUTTONS CLICKING]
Where is he? Where does he go?
I don't even understand.
This is my day, Mom.
Like, we've have been planning
this for fuckin' ages.
You don't get married twice.
I've never gonna wear this dress again.
Where the fuck is he?
[FIREWORKS WHISTLING, BOOMING]
♪
No. No, no, no.
The fireworks are for when
we leave on the boat. No!
[FIREWORKS BOOMING, WHISTLING]
Why is the boat out?
Kirby!
I begged you not to humiliate
me in front of my parents!
I even let you pick
your stupid fuckin' soda.
Why are you ruining this for me?
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
- Oh, my God!
- Do you all see that?
I didn't do it.
[SWING DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SHOES TAPPING]
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Ah, geez.
Oh. Oof. [GRUNTS]
- [SWING MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [SHOES TAPPING]
Mickey Rooney School for Dogs?
Or something, gosh.
[BROOM HANDLE BANGS]
Hey, Fred Astaire, pipe down!
Your dreams are killing
my sleeps, you know?
- [DOORBELL BUZZING]
- Geez, what now?
Ugh, humbug.
[LOCK CLICKING]
Good morning. I brought you breakfast.
[CHUCKLES]
Eh.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Alright, hey, nobody,
nobody brings a free breakfast
without expecting some kind of a favor.
It's less of a favor
and more of an opportunity.
Oh ho, I see.
You must think I'm
some kind of a sucker?
It's pronounced shucker.
What is?
[VEHICLE ENGINE REVVING]
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
[CAR BACKFIRING]
[CHARLIE] [GROANS] Oingo boingo.
Man, I am sorry for this
whole kook-hiss-bang.
I, I'm afraid to say, I think
the Cuda's on her last legs.
Well, I didn't want to say anything,
but your car sounds like
a herd of seals having an orgy.
So, how'd you come up
with this whole thing?
Well, after I met that oyster farmer
in my Estonian dance class,
I realized all I need
is some ice, a sign,
some fresh oysters,
cute old-timey uniforms
and I'm ready to build a thriving
wedding oyster shucking empire.
Well, sadly, I got
this hard, uncrossable line
when it comes
to old-timey uniforms, so
We're making seven grand for this.
Gosh, it just became more
of a subtle gradation.
Seven grand? Alex, yes.
Oyster shuckers from Estonia!
They're either submerged
in the boathouse underwater
or they're in here
between 39 and 41 degrees,
this is key.
These oysters make
the ultimate sacrifice for us,
and we honor that by making sure
no oyster dies in vain.
No oyster left behind.
This is the oyster shucker's code.
Also, a spoiled batch
could literally kill
everyone at this wedding.
Fuck.
[PLASTIC RUSTLES]
Maybe I'll just stick with the lemons.
Thank you for doing this with me.
When I met you,
I was at the lowest point in my life,
um, but I feel like things
are finally turning around.
Aw, shucks.
Is that a oyster pun?
Yeah, oyster pun.
[LAUGHS]
Be careful with that.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GUARD] You alright, sir?
- Yeah.
[FBI AGENT] Todd Tolocci.
Uh, groom's
high school English teacher.
- Not a threat.
- Roger that.
I still think this is
a stupid fuckin' idea.
Agent Milligan,
teamwork means being open
to any and all ideas.
Agent Clark feels strongly
this endeavor's worthwhile.
- I would like you to be supportive.
- Ma'am.
I think it's great that you
went to sensitivity training,
but I know that you agree with me.
This is bullshit.
Those feelings are, are also valid.
Thank you for sharing them.
Let's just focus on IDing
everyone entering those gates.
We get in, we film, we congratulate
and we disappear, no surprises.
Better fuckin' not be.
[INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES]
[ALEX] Alright. These are
from Wellfleet Harbor.
They're very silky.
Newfoundlands, they're nuttier.
And these are Long Island Blue Points,
they're salty and meaty.
- You got it?
- Aye-aye.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey.
Oh, hey, these are, uh
What do you call it?
Deep Water Horizon.
They got a nice oily texture.
No thank you.
Oyster? Okay.
I hope the shrimps are doing better
than the oysters, yeah. [SNORTS]
Oh, wow. Gosh.
Imagine that, using your own wedding
to just shill some pyramid scheme.
[CHUCKLES] No, it's,
it's not a pyramid scheme.
It's a triangular selling system,
which is totally legal in 32 states.
Euclidean. Huh. Oyster?
Oh, yeah. Don't mind if I do.
Well, thank you.
Oyster? Oysters.
Eh, oyster?
- Thank you.
- Sure.
Fucking thing.
[CHARLIE] Oysters over here?
Feeling that I never
never, never knew I had ♪
Emotional day, huh?
Yeah, me too. I always get
a little weepy at these.
Oh, I see, uh,
you're listing a little
to starboard there, chief.
- Yeah?
- Ah, yes, weird.
Shouldn't these be shucked to order?
How long have they just
been sitting on ice?
Ah, I don't know. Is that protocol?
Well, you see my partner, she doesn't
even trust me with the oyster knife.
Uh, thinks I'm gonna hurt myself.
Well, in the wrong hands,
they can be very dangerous.
Is that how you got that?
Oh, this? Uh, no,
this happened in my garden.
Bullshit.
I'm so sorry.
You see, I got this thing
[HOST] [ON MIC] We invite our guests
to make their way out to the lawn.
The ceremony is about to begin.
If you'll excuse me.
Okey-doke.
Alright. Oyster?
- [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [CHARLIE SIGHS]
You really think it's a pyramid scheme?
Oh, I don't know, man.
Look, if it's working out
for you, who am I to judge?
I spent 46,000 in upfront costs
and so far I've made 345 back.
- Huh, thousand?
- No.
[DOOR OPENS]
[KIRBY] I don't want
to see that shit, man.
[LUCA] Kirby, come on, hear me out.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Luca?
[KIRBY] Tell her I didn't invite her,
'cause I don't want her in my life.
I'm doing fine without her.
You tell her I am crushing without her.
- Now leave me the fuck alone!
- [OBJECTS CLATTERING]
Hey, Luca.
Oh, no.
Oh, my thoughts exactly.
Geez, what the fuck, man?
What are you doing here?
- I am not here.
- Oh, I see.
Am I talking to some
kind of, uh, an ABBA,
a Tupac hologram situation here?
Stop it? No, stop it.
I'm me, but I'm undercover.
Okay, 'cause I was
gonna say, holy shit,
that's some very impressive
technology you got going at the FBI.
Really? Uh, what, are you
busting up this Ballzilla scam?
Yes. That is exactly what I'm doing.
- Bullshit.
- [SIGHS]
I'll never get used to that.
This is not what I need right now.
[CHARLIE] Oh, of course.
Because you and me,
same time, same place,
usually some bad shit goes down.
Well that, and it's gonna set back
my therapy by several months.
Been working on my impostor syndrome
since I keep getting promoted
because of well, you.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
Or congratulations?
Look, do your thing.
I'm gonna stay out
of your way, alright.
- It's, uh, not a problem.
- No
- Just give me
- Oh, God.
- Is that Hasp?
- Yes.
[PAPER RUSTLING]
"There in spirit
love, Mom."
You're not getting involved, Charlie.
Wait, wait, wait.
So is the groom Hasp's son?
Shh, keep your voice down.
But, yes, Hasp made it
a condition of her testimony
that she gets to watch
the wedding on livestream.
She hasn't seen him since he was born.
I guess she wanted to get
some kind of closure,
but he did not take it well.
No, I saw that shit.
Oh, fuck, man,
she's gonna be heartbroken.
Let me worry about Hasp.
You enjoy whatever it is you're doing
in your old-timey uniform.
Good to see you. Goodbye.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHS]
- [GULLS SQUAWKING]
- [KIRBY SNIFFLES]
[CHARLIE] Ballzilla and vodka?
Not a good time right now. Thank you.
It's mostly vodka.
[GULLS SQUAWKING]
Eh. Eh, it's really weird.
I know your mom.
Actually, uh, she spent
a long time trying to kill me.
Don't worry, we kinda worked it out.
Well, I'm glad that
worked out for you, but
This woman doesn't
give a fuck about me.
She abandoned me when I
was this tiny pussy-ass baby.
And now she knows I'm getting married,
but she doesn't come in person.
She sends this fucking dweeb
to do a livestream.
And I'm supposed to be what? Grateful?
You see, she's the kind of person
where everyone she gets close to
winds up either murdered,
maimed, or arrested.
And when you're that kind of person,
well, the most loving thing
you can do for someone
is to stay as far away
from them as possible
no matter how painful.
So, if she's reaching out
to you from WITSEC
through that FBI dweeb, ah,
that means, like,
she must have called in
a million favors, you know,
risked her life just to see you again.
Just to get that picture to you.
[GENTLE, EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING]
It is hard not to think
of all the things
we could've done together.
With her whole criminal network,
can you imagine the fuck ton of
Ballzilla we could have moved.
Think of the bank.
You really are your mother's son, huh?
It'll be okay, kid.
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Wait, the woman you told me about
with the, uh, the rat-mole thing, Rasp?
She's here?
First of all, it's Hasp
and, no, she's in witness protection.
Also, nobody knows where.
Well, she, she wanted to kill you,
and she is like some
kind of gangster, right?
Well, yeah, but, you know,
well, we're kinda cool now.
No big deal.
Uh, she recently asked me
to follow her Finsta account.
Not bragging, it's just a fact.
I didn't do it. It seemed kinda weird.
She only posts these,
like, uh, baking photos.
It would totally fuck up my algo.
Ma'am, how many of those have you had?
I'm trying to get loosened up.
There's this really hot guy
who says he is gonna shuck my shell
- and slurp me down raw.
- Whoa, whoa.
Are you about to go full oyster?
Okay, you do you.
Boss, might I go have
a little cigarette break?
Didn't you just go for a break?
Uh, it's a funny story.
So that was like a drinking break,
but this is gonna be more a vape.
- [LAUGHS] Okay.
- I might,
I might do a little drinking.
Full slurp, huh?
♪
- Ah, gentlemen.
- Hey!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Mmm. [SUCKING THROUGH LIPS]
[SIGHS]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[FAINT UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Hmm.
[FAKE TOLOCCI GRUNTS]
Amateur hour. [SCOFFS]
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Let's get out of here, Alex.
Hey, what happened to
no oyster left behind?
[FIREWORKS WHISTLING]
[FIREWORKS BOOMING]
No, no. This is not the plan!
Fireworks are for when
we leave on the boat! No!
[FIREWORKS BOOMING, GUESTS CHEERING]
[CHARLIE EXCLAIMS]
[VICTORIA] I begged you
not to humiliate me
in front of my parents!
I even let you pick
your stupid fuckin' soda.
Why are you ruining this for me?
[SUCKS LIPS]
[VICTORIA SCREAMING]
[VICTORIA SOBBING]
[GASPING]
I didn't do it! I didn't do it!
[WATER SPLASHING]
[CHARLIE] That's true.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[AGENT] [ON RADIO] Hasp's son is dead.
Murder suspect is on the loose.
She was alone on a boat
holding an oyster knife,
covered in blood, standing over a body
that had been stabbed to
death with an oyster knife.
Yes, yes, I know it sounds crazy,
but she's telling the truth, okay.
- She didn't do it.
- I want to believe you.
But what about everyone else?
What about Beatrix?
Even in WITSEC, she still
has powerful connections.
So, uh, what are you saying?
The best thing for your friend
is if we find her before the mob does.
So if I bring Alex in,
you guarantee that
you can keep her safe?
Yes.
Okay, I'll help you.
[LUCA] Thank you, Charlie.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah. Have we called her back?
Yeah, yeah. Um
[WHISPERING] we can't
guarantee that girl's safety.
I mean, every gangster
from North America's
going to be looking for her.
I know that, but we need
to bring her in anyway,
no matter the risk.
Ah, you were lying.
Smart. You fooled me.
Thank you.
Okay. Uh
Shit!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [RADIO CRACKLES]
- [DISPATCH]
[ON RADIO] All units, be on the lookout
for a Caucasian woman,
mid 30s, with red hair
dressed like Steamboat Willie.
Last known location, banquet hall.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]
Ah, fuck.
[SIGHS] Oh, really?
Okay, manifest, Alex. Manifest.
Jesus.
Manifest?
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [BOTH GASPING]
- What the
God, maybe this shit really does work.
I didn't do it! I didn't
kill him. I could never.
I know, honey. But really, it really
does look like you did do it, so.
The groom was already dead
when I went in the boat house.
It was horrible.
And then, I guess I must've passed out
because next thing I remember,
I wake up with
a bloody knife in my hand.
Okay, okay. I know that
you're telling the truth.
But look, you got
several mob conglomerates,
the entire FBI convinced
you did kill him,
so I'm kind of outranked here.
And anyway,
if you didn't kill him, who did?
Wait, I think I know
how we get out of here.
Guess what else they keep
in the boathouse.
- Boats.
- Yes!
Okay, so if only we just had
some way of sneaking out
without being spotted.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
I can't believe you dragged us
into this stupid fuckin' boondoggle.
You know what, Annie, you want to
be helpful? Go check our deep sources.
I want to know if there's
any chatter about the killing.
Chatter, why would there be chatter
about some random oyster shucker?
Almost everything tells me the oyster
shucker did it, but one thing doesn't
and I've kind of
learned to listen to her.
- Go now!
- Okay. Okay.
Go check on some fuckin' oysters!
[LUCA] [QUIETLY] Fuck.
Don't take it personally.
Wendy filed for divorce last week.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah.
That said, you did kinda
blow it on this one.
Well, thanks, Radquist.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHARLIE] Aw, jeez.
- Ay, caramba.
- [ALEX] We made it.
- In there. We'll take that canoe.
- Oh, fuck.
Huh? Do you even know
how to drive that thing?
Eh, they practically drive themselves.
I'm not sure that's true.
[ROPE WHIZZING]
- [WATER SPLASHES]
- Oh!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, shit, the two drunk guys.
So one of them was the groom
and the other,
he must have been the killer.
One of the groomsmen did it?
[ALEX GASPS]
Oh, I spy a fake eye. Yes, I do.
- Hot Toddy.
- [CHARLIE] Who?
The hot guy with the eye.
Well, someone pretending
to be Hot Toddy.
You know, in order to sneak
into the wedding undetected.
That's very elaborate.
Indeed. Clearly a professional.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, for fuck's sake, Charlie.
- [LUCA] Charlie!
- What?
[LUCA] This is ridiculous.
Can you please just turn yourselves in
so I don't have to get my shoes wet?
Look, there's
a professional hitman here.
He killed the groom
and then he set up Alex,
and now she's a loose end.
If what you're saying is true,
we can find out who the assassin is.
- We can protect her.
- Uh ho ho, bullshit.
We can at least try to protect her!
Word is already out to the
Five Families about Hasp's son.
There are goons
mobilizing coast to coast.
They all think when Hasp testifies,
she'll go easy on whoever
whacks her son's killer.
Who what are you going to do?
Canoe your way to safety?
You can't Shit.
[CHARLIE] I trusted you.
Row, Alex, row!
Row the little boat.
Fuck!
Fuck. Fuck!
Go!
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[ENGINE ROARING]
Manifest, baby!
[GUARD] Oh, shit!
[GATE CRASHING]
- [BOAT HORN BLARING]
- [SIGHS]
Sorry, ma'am, I take
full responsibility.
[DARVILLE] Oh, yeah,
you'll take full responsibility.
You are one fuckin' sorry
excuse for a federal agent.
How did a fuckin' pinhead baby like you
even get promoted in the first place?
I'm so sick of this sensitivity shit.
It is good to have you back, ma'am.
[BOAT HORN BLARING]
Really?
[CAR ENGINE RUMBLING]
I just wanted to make
$7,000 shucking oysters
so I could finally make
a dent in my student loans.
And, you know, I've never
even seen a dead body before.
And now I'm being chased by the FBI.
I'm being hunted by a hitman
and a whole mafia.
Several mafias, actually.
It's a Well, it's kind of
a national consortium of
How am I going to get out of this?
I don't know, I'm thinking, you know?
I'm dead. I'm a dead woman walking.
Well, I mean, there is one person,
one person who knows
how to deal with the mafia,
the FBI, and professional killers.
Who?
Beatrix Hasp.
The mob boss?
- Yes.
- [ALEX] Who tried to kill you.
- Okay.
- Who is also
the mother of the man
I supposedly killed.
I wouldn't really lead with that.
Am I supposed to go up to her and say,
"Hi, you probably saw a video of me
"covered in your son's blood.
Would you mind helping me out?"
Yes, yes, I don't know.
I mean, like, look, there's,
there's exactly one person
in the whole world
who Beatrix trusts, okay.
And you happened to have picked
her as your shucking partner, so
Why would she trust you?
Well, I mean, she knows about
my whole lie detector thing.
She's seen it work under some
pretty extreme circumstances,
and I guess I think that, well, yeah,
she'd want to find the real killer
more than she'd want
to see you whacked.
Okay. Okay, how, how do we find her?
We can't. Well, nobody can.
She's in witness protection, so, shit.
Do you have any form
of contact with her at all?
- No.
- Think!
[GASPS]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
Her Finsta.
[ALEX] God, it really is
nothing but baked goods.
Wait, can you send her a message?
Yeah. No.
What? I'm her only follower.
She doesn't follow me back?
- What the fuck, Bea?
- How do we find this lady?
All we have to go on are cookie photos.
Well, cookie photos and, uh,
everything in the background.
Look, that's a junk mail,
a political flyer.
I mean, even witness protection
can't get you away from that.
Can you read anything on it?
Well, it's, uh, just
the top line of the address,
42 Ashford Place.
Yeah, that doesn't
really narrow it down.
This is a nightmare.
Yeah. We need,
we need a, we need a city.
There's nothing else on the flyer?
Well, just Wait.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- Ha!
- [ALEX] S-search it. Image search it!
- Reverse image search it.
- Yes, yes. I'm on it.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALEX] Greenville, Indiana.
It's a 10-hour drive.
Jesus Christ, look at this.
Look at this. Half of my
feed is already baking videos.
Okay, fuck this. Let's roll.
- [ENGINE RUMBLING]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [PHONE RINGING]
- [AGENTS CHATTERING]
[MILLIGAN] Okay, so I checked
our deep cover sources,
even though I thought
it was fuckin' stupid.
And actually,
there has been chatter
about an assassin on this job.
Chatter? What chatter?
Just one word.
I don't know what it means.
Iguana.
Iguana? Are you sure?
Yes, ma'am. What's Iguana?
[LUCA] Well, Iguana is the code name
of the most dangerous,
deadly hitman in the world.
A total ghost. No photos.
No information.
This is the first confirmation
we have that he's even a he.
Able to strike anywhere
get to anyone, and leave zero trace.
[DARVILLE SCOFFS]
But Iguana is a made-up story
that FBI agents tell new recruits
to give them nightmares.
If someone hired the Iguana,
this was not about killing
a multi-level marketing
energy drink entrepreneur.
And if Charlie and Alex
are still alive
it's because the Iguana
wants them that way.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Charlie Cale is leading the Iguana
straight to Beatrix Hasp
and it's going to be a blood bath.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS]
[CAR ENGINE RUMBLING]
[SOLEMN, SPIRITUAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Early one morning ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
[GRUNTS]
Early one morning ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
I said, early one morning ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord ♪
What shall I do to be saved ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
[GRUNTS]
sync & corrections awaqeded
Death come a-creeping in your room ♪
Early one morning ♪
Death come a-creeping in your room ♪
And I cried, early one morning ♪
Death come a-creeping in your room ♪
Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord ♪
What shall I do to be saved ♪
[GRUNTS]
Early one evening ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
Early one evening ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
I said, early one evening ♪
Death come a-knocking at your door ♪
Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord ♪
What shall I do to be saved ♪