St. Denis Medical (2024) s02e11 Episode Script
This Isn't Bingo
1
All right, St. Denis Senior Health Fair,
you guys ready to have a good time?
Aw, yeah.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
If you take a fall ♪
Yeah ♪
Then you want to roll ♪
Onto your back ♪
BOTH: Gonna get you back upright ♪
Every year, we invite
senior citizens to the hospital
for free tests and screenings.
But this year, Joyce is letting me
amp it up into a full on event.
I am so excited to educate
our elderly community
about their health, and I don't know,
maybe we'll have some fun along the way.
Pivot your body to sit ♪
On that surface ♪
Sit for a couple of minutes ♪
You should never stand
immediately after a fall ♪
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
So I said to him, Budgie,
people do not like to be screamed at.
Use your indoor voice, Budgie.
Mm-hmm.
Well, today is old people day.
They will get their health
screenings and flu shots,
and I will get meandering stories
and my cheeks pinched without
consent, uppers and lowers.
There is this lady who brought me fudge
for the last couple of years.
I hope she's still alive.
Knock, knock. Phlebotomy fairy.
Just in time you can
finish up with Miss Crowley.
All right, Marjorie, mind
if I steal your arm real quick?
Promise to give it right back.
Oh, you're sweet.
Oh, now you gotta even it out.
I'll turn the other cheek.
- [LAUGHS] You're clever.
- [LAUGHS]
She's his problem now.
Oh, let me tell you about Budgie.
Oh, I have an uncle named Budgie.
[GASPS] You do?
- Yeah, he's my dad's brother.
- Oh!
Bruce, your cardiac patient
in 104 woke up.
She's asking for you.
Ah, OK, well
[CLEARS THROAT] Here we go.
I had kind of an interesting morning.
Patient brought in,
no pulse, gone six minutes,
but somehow I brought her back.
[APPLAUSE]
You should probably wait here.
It's kind of a personal moment.
Or you could pull back,
do one of those faraway shots
where you're hiding and it's
respectful and you got it.
Just so you know, she's pretty upset.
I guess she had
a do-not-resuscitate order.
Do you know where Joyce is?
I need to speak to her.
All right, everybody, come on down.
Bingo time, OK?
But wait, are those invaluable
health facts on those cards
instead of numbers?
Uh, yeah, they are.
Hello, my child.
Got anything to confess?
Dude, we're at work. Space.
All right, guys, we've got dabbers.
We've got cards. We are ready to rock.
No, there's really
nothing going on between me
and Chaplain Steve.
I mean, we hung out once or twice.
It's not a big deal.
It's whatever.
Are Serena and I seeing each other?
[CHUCKLES]
You tell me.
She left this at my place.
Not that she needs
an excuse to come back.
[CHUCKLES] Nah, but she's cool.
Super cool.
OK, remove clutter, cords,
and loose rugs from walkways.
This is a good one, guys.
You don't want to trip.
Annabelle does the tidying.
OK, well, just go ahead and dab
if you have "remove clutter,
cords, and loose rugs
from walkways."
This isn't bingo.
Well, it's a form of bingo.
What about the numbers?
Instead of numbers,
we're doing useful health tips.
Then where are the numbers?
There are no numbers.
This isn't bingo.
Hello, hello.
Hey, there she is.
How are you feeling?
Joyce Henderson.
I'm the administrator
here at St. Denis Medical.
I'm also a licensed physician
but, more importantly,
a fellow human being who is deeply sorry
that you did not get
the care that you deserved.
You had a do-not-resuscitate
order in place,
and we did resuscitate.
I am so sorry.
You know, honestly, I wish
I wasn't such a gifted surgeon.
I tell you, if it had been
one of my colleagues
that had tried to revive you,
this would be
a very different conversation.
Well, it wouldn't be
a conversation at all.
It would be
Is there a way we can make this right?
Well, I wanted to die, so
- Sure, sure.
- Hmm.
Anything cafeteria-wise?
It's on us, obviously.
Look, I don't care about any of this.
- Can you just leave me alone?
- OK, I'll just
I'm just gonna get a bunch
of stuff, and if you eat it,
- you eat it, OK?
- There you go.
You have to meet my granddaughter.
She says she likes girls,
but she doesn't know.
These old people are, like,
freakishly obsessed with Matt.
Better him than me. [CHUCKLES]
Hey, it's my favorite fudge lady.
She's still kicking.
Boy, I've been looking forward
to her all day.
Wait, that's my fudge.
OK, they're vibing.
Fudge is a once-a-year treat,
and this is supposed to be that day.
That is my fudge.
OK, what's it gonna be?
Uh-oh, another blank one.
Ha! Whoops.
Technical difficulties.
- This is bad, right?
- Brutal.
OK, here we go. Use bright LED bulbs.
Guys, here's why this one's
important, OK?
- Bingo!
- Bingo!
ALL: Bingo!
Wait, all of you at the same time?
How's that possible?
- Bingo.
- Bingo.
OK, I think what might have happened
is that I printed out
the same card 50 times
instead of printing out
50 different cards.
Actually, I know that's what happened.
[ALL CLAMORING]
Oh, God.
They might riot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Why don't we just split the prize?
[ALL GROANING] OK.
Let's go back to the center
and we'll play some real bingo.
Yeah!
Hey, hey, hey, guys, don't leave yet.
Why not?
I don't know.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Because you're gonna miss
balloon volleyball, huh?
Who's in?
You're one of my captains.
You are one of my captains.
What, are you in a rush
to get to the cemetery, Bill?
Come on.
Oh, and, Marion,
I've been waiting all day
to see you jump around.
Don't make me beg.
Chaplain. [CHUCKLES]
This way. No, I'm with you 100%.
Wasn't real bingo.
That's terrible.
Mm, your breakfast lasagna's
gonna be here any minute.
- You're gonna be glad you stuck around.
- Yeah, trust me.
It sounds gross, I know,
but it's a real crowd-pleaser.
Can you guys just leave
so I can watch TV?
Can I say one last thing, please?
OK.
I've looked at your chart.
No chronic pain,
no lifestyle restrictions.
You could still have some good years.
Can't you just try
to frame this extra time
as an opportunity?
For what?
Well, I mean, there are all kinds
of new and exciting things out there.
Like?
Oh, you know what? Check this out.
I was just reading about this.
An underwater hotel in the Maldives.
Psychedelic blues and greens and
wow, OK, it's $8,000 a night,
but you slap that on a credit card,
and what do you care?
Oh, well, that does look fun.
- Yeah, there you go.
- It does, doesn't it?
Who would I go with?
- My kids?
- Yeah.
- That sounds great.
- I don't have kids.
Oh, maybe my husband.
- Yes.
- It's a trap.
- It is.
- Gotcha.
Look, that's OK.
I don't have kids or a partner either.
In fact, I just broke off my engagement,
and I'm doing just fine.
At your age?
Oof. Listen, I have no one.
I worked like crazy for years,
and then I looked up,
and my life was empty.
But it was too late
to do anything about it.
Do you have any idea
what that's like, huh?
No.
- No.
- Yikes.
You OK?
I mean, that must have been
hard for you.
Workaholic, no husband, no kids.
I mean, she was basically
describing your life.
I'm sorry, didn't that
sound a little bit
like your life too?
[SCOFFS]
No.
All right.
Little Rascals are up 7 to 3.
Let's put some muscle into it, ladies.
[LAUGHS]
Fun, right? Look at them move.
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
New rule: every time
you hit the balloon,
I want to hear the weirdest
place you ever knocked boots.
- Oh, Chaplain.
- Oh!
Someone get the balloon
over to Marion, pronto.
Arizona. [LAUGHTER]
The movie theater.
We should probably, you know,
get things back on track soon,
but, you know.
I'm sorry, are you mad?
Your nostrils are doing that thing.
No.
I just feel like
we're not educating them.
10050 Cielo Drive.
I mean, I guess I hear you,
but don't you think
it's kind of nice that canoe
everyone's participating?
I mean, that's good, right?
Yeah, for sure.
It's not exactly what I had
in mind, but it's good.
- It's fine.
- Your mom's bed.
Oh, you got me, Walt. You got me.
Ticker's sounding good.
Keeping better time than
the Glenn Miller Orchestra.
You remember them?
I mostly listen to show tunes.
Yeah.
Has anyone ever told you
that you were a dead ringer
for Sophia Loren?
That slut from the Italian skin flicks?
Yeah.
Ooh, wow, is that some
of your famous fudge
from last year?
Yes, it is.
I love that fudge.
Thank you.
It's my special recipe.
Spike it home, Bill.
You got this.
I mostly had sex in my house.
Hey, good hit. Good hit.
Good hit, Bill.
Guys, I'm gonna add a new rule.
OK, so whenever you get the balloon,
I want you to say your
favorite source of fiber.
All right? Super fun.
And I'll start.
Whole grains. [BALLOON POPS]
- Oh!
- Whoa!
- Sorry.
- Wow.
I'm so sorry.
I think the Little Rascals won it.
[CHUCKLES]
The amount of fiber I have to eat,
oh, it's a terrible burden.
You know what?
Why don't we just keep the party going,
move on to our next activity, huh?
Who here likes lame PowerPoints?
Me neither.
What about funny PowerPoints, though?
The chaplain said
we'd have a dance party.
He called it a booty bash.
- Booty bash.
- He did, huh? That's fun.
Guys, I think we might have
to save the booty bash
for another time, you know?
Listen, I think you'll find
that this PowerPoint is very
I like to move it, move it ♪
I like to move it, move it ♪
I like to move it, move it ♪
All right, all right,
let's see those moves.
Get your farts out
before you hit the dance floor.
Donald, I'm looking at you.
We'll do this, and then
we'll do my thing, OK, guys?
Because I actually need
a few minutes to set up anyway,
so it's fine.
Serena, can you
Whoo, let's get it!
All right. It's 1998.
Ecstasy just hit the scene.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SINGSONGY] Stella.
Stella Bella. Stella Bella.
[CHUCKLES] Quick question for you.
My life's worth living, right?
No, I'm fine.
There are a lot of people out there
who are worse off than I am.
And frankly, when my cup runneth low,
talking to those people really
helps me get some perspective.
Keith, sweet, sweet Keith,
you look troubled.
Oh, you got me dead to rights.
I guess that's why you're in charge.
I am troubled.
Tell me everything.
Well, me and the family
are going camping this weekend,
and all the songs
and late-night laughing fits,
there's no way I'm gonna get my normal
9 1/2 hours of sleep.
Yeah, that sounds horrible.
It's also tricky
trying to cram all us Fingers
into one tent,
but I guess that's the point
whole family together.
Hey, Joyce, thanks so much.
Shut up, Keith. Dakota's in crisis.
- [CRYING]
- Oh.
Hey, is everything OK?
Did something happen?
Yes.
I got engaged. [LAUGHS]
[GASPS]
What?
No. No.
You?
Come on. No!
OK, you know what?
New rule: no jewelry on the floor.
We are not in Miami.
Ugh, give me a [BLEEP] break.
Hey, Mom. Mama-jama.
You know, I've been thinking,
and I actually don't have
too much in common with Eleanor.
I have an extensive family tree.
Yeah, sure, sometimes
you get wrapped up in work,
but you just have to make time
to water those roots
and keep those branches strong.
So it's been a minute, I know,
but how about your favorite son
swoops you up and takes you
to Outback Steakhouse?
And yes, you can fill up on bread.
Oh, you're in Tahoe?
That's cool.
With who?
No, come on, I thought we agreed
we weren't seeing Frank anymore.
Because he's a showboat, Mom.
Marcus, my guy.
What is up?
It's cousin Bruce.
Your cousin. Vicky's son.
Whoo, get it, Shirley.
Show us what that new hip can do.
- Hey, Steve.
- Hey.
Pretty good, right?
Hmm.
Look at Serena go out there.
Yeah, look at her go.
That's she's great.
This is super fun, truly.
I just don't know if this is,
like, totally appropriate.
You mean the thing I said about Donald
farting on the dance floor?
- It was a joke.
- No.
He ripped one earlier.
No, not that.
I mean, a little bit that.
But no, the main point
of this is to educate them,
and I just think we should
get back to that.
- You're totally right.
- Yeah.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Hey, guys, so fun
partying with all of you,
but we're gonna do Alex's thing now, OK?
- Whoo!
- The PowerPoint thing.
Yeah. It's gonna be great.
Let's all go back to the chairs, OK?
All right.
OK, so today we will be performing
a vascular surgery on Mr. Benz.
So let's [SPUTTERS]
Step into a place
of gratitude, et cetera,
and I don't know.
Just get the music going.
[R.E.M.'S "EVERYBODY HURTS" PLAYING]
♪
Makes you think.
When your day is long ♪
[SIGHS]
May I offer you another pillow?
- No.
- All right.
I've got the fluffiest of the bunch
for the cutest gal I know.
- You are the sweetest.
- Aw.
You get another piece of fudge.
Ooh, yummers. I'll wash my hands.
Yummers. I love that.
I'm impressed that you still cook.
A lot of younger people like Matt
don't respect the old ways.
Please, that's a bunch of bull.
Matthew has behaved perfectly,
as far as I can see,
and he's not condescending,
like some people.
Well, I just
I was agreeing with Matt
in saying that your fudge
does look yummers.
I'm giving the rest to Matthew.
He deserves it.
- He deserves it?
- Mm.
[SCOFFS] The man's got some flaws.
He's got some flaws.
We all have our little quirks.
Do we? He left his wife in Montana.
That's a quirk.
Kicked her to the curb and hit the road.
Now, that's quite [CURTAIN RATTLES]
A quirk.
Washed my hands.
Hypertension affects 72% of men
between the ages of 65 and 74.
For men 75 and older,
that number jumps to
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Whoa, look out, 83.2%.
That is why
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
Um
Guys, listen, I know
that this is not as much fun
as dancing, OK?
But it really can help.
Just a few small changes in your routine
can make a big difference.
You know, my Nan Doris
took a fall when she was 70,
and she just
she just never got better.
So if any of this can buy you,
you know, more time,
more memories with your
grandkids and your families,
you know, it
[SIGHS] It's, um
[PERSON COUGHS]
It's fine.
Steve, you can
yeah, turn the music back on.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
You heard the lovely lady.
Back to the dance floor!
Let's scoot those glutes.
Let's scoot those glutes.
That's your butt.
Oh, hey.
[SIGHS] I really need a cup of java.
Yeah, same.
Hey, did you hear Dakota got engaged?
Dakota? What? That can't be right.
She must have misunderstood.
[MEN WITHOUT HATS'
"THE SAFETY DANCE" PLAYING]
What the hell's this?
I don't know.
I thought they were just playing bingo.
My God, they're not very good.
What? I'm not gonna lie.
Excuse me, young lady,
would you do me the honors?
Oh, I would love to,
but I need to file some
Please. You remind me of my late wife.
Well, OK, I guess
I can do it for a minute.
Tell me about this wife.
Oh, she was wonderful.
Not as wonderful as my current wife.
- Oh.
- Wow.
Yo, Brucey, get out here
and bang up this dance floor,
bro hammer.
No. No, no, I ca
OK, one song is all right.
Here we go.
Yeah. OK, I see you.
- Whoo! [LAUGHS]
- Oh!
Put some funk in that junk.
As long as we abuse it ♪
Never gonna lose it ♪
Everything will work out right ♪
I say we can dance if we want to ♪
Hey, um, I'm sorry.
That was out of line.
I think I went a little fudge crazy.
Oh, it's OK.
I can see why you went there.
This stuff is good.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Oh, um, sorry.
Didn't mean to touch you.
It's good you clarified that.
It's just, Agnes made me
promise not to give you any,
and I feel weird
going back on her request.
No, I get it.
I respect the integrity.
Thanks, man.
It means a lot to me.
There's no competing
with the allure of youth,
but with age comes wisdom,
and you learn a few things over time
like how to override
the code on the lockers
that hasn't been changed in 15 years.
Mmm, she did it again.
We gotta keep this woman ticking.
To the left.
Now pump it.
OK, Steve.
Go, Steve.
Hey. Hey!
Do you have to, like, encourage him?
What?
I'm just trying to help your thing.
This is not my thing, OK?
Nobody is learning anything.
That guy's been doing the
Macarena for, like, 30 minutes.
No, Chaplain Steve has hijacked
this whole thing, OK?
He's a hijacker.
Girl, come on. He didn't hijack it.
He just gave it a boost.
Can you just support me
even when I'm wrong?
And why have you been
defending him all day?
- Honestly.
- I'm not.
No, everything that he's [DULL THUD]
Oh, [BLEEP].
Sir, are you OK?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
OK, don't rush to get up, all right?
What you want to do is,
you want to roll.
And you want to roll onto your back.
- I know the song.
- Yes. Oh, my gosh.
- That's right.
- Yeah, yeah.
It was so annoying, I couldn't
get it out of my head.
Also, you were off-key
and it didn't rhyme.
OK, well, it's not
- you're OK?
- Yeah.
[APPLAUSE]
- What a treat.
- Yeah.
Dancing in the middle of the day.
I gotta say, Bruce, you got some moves.
Well, you you looked like
you did not care what anyone thought.
I envy that kind of confidence.
Crazy idea.
What if we brought Eleanor down there?
Oh, yeah, she might
get something out of it.
I thought so too.
You know, dance is a central component
of many Indigenous ceremonies.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Cardiogenic shock.
Dr. Andrews is gonna call it.
Shouldn't be long.
- Oh.
- Huh.
Well, that's good right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
No, yeah, that's what she wanted, so
OK.
You know, I'm just gonna
wait here until she goes.
- Of course.
- [SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
You know what?
I'm gonna just stick with you.
It's good to have company, huh?
Yeah.
Just so you know, nothing is
ever gonna happen with us.
[SIGHS]
A lot of Ricola wrappers here.
Yeah, that was Bill.
He didn't even eat any.
He just dumped them out of his pockets.
Dude, we crushed it.
Oh, I don't know about that.
You crushed it.
Are you kidding? We're a team.
You brought them to the
theater, I gave them a show,
and now you're cleaning up
all the popcorn and crap.
Great work, Mazurkian.
Thanks. [CHUCKLES]
That's nice.
See you later?
See you both later.
OK.
You know, maybe
Chaplain Steve's not that bad.
Yeah. See?
He's great.
OK, I don't know about great.
No.
He's fine. He's good.
He's like, yeah, whatever you said.
Oh, my God.
Serena, did you
What?
Did you hook up with Chaplain Steve?
- Shut up.
- You did.
Shut up. Shut up. Shh.
[LAUGHS]
- Only twice.
- Oh, my God.
And a half.
Then another 3/4 this morning.
It's chill. It's cazh.
Is it? Is it chill? Is it cazh?
It's so not a big deal.
And if you tell anyone, so help me God,
I will skin you alive.
This makes so much more sense,
because all day, you've been like,
eh, Chaplain Steve is so great.
Look how good he's doing.
I can't wait to do it with him later.
OK, get it out of your system now,
because we're never
talking about this again.
So, wait, is he, like, weird in bed?
- Obviously.
- [LAUGHS]
Will you come over for dinner
and tell me everything?
Yes.
All right, St. Denis Senior Health Fair,
you guys ready to have a good time?
Aw, yeah.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
If you take a fall ♪
Yeah ♪
Then you want to roll ♪
Onto your back ♪
BOTH: Gonna get you back upright ♪
Every year, we invite
senior citizens to the hospital
for free tests and screenings.
But this year, Joyce is letting me
amp it up into a full on event.
I am so excited to educate
our elderly community
about their health, and I don't know,
maybe we'll have some fun along the way.
Pivot your body to sit ♪
On that surface ♪
Sit for a couple of minutes ♪
You should never stand
immediately after a fall ♪
♪
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
So I said to him, Budgie,
people do not like to be screamed at.
Use your indoor voice, Budgie.
Mm-hmm.
Well, today is old people day.
They will get their health
screenings and flu shots,
and I will get meandering stories
and my cheeks pinched without
consent, uppers and lowers.
There is this lady who brought me fudge
for the last couple of years.
I hope she's still alive.
Knock, knock. Phlebotomy fairy.
Just in time you can
finish up with Miss Crowley.
All right, Marjorie, mind
if I steal your arm real quick?
Promise to give it right back.
Oh, you're sweet.
Oh, now you gotta even it out.
I'll turn the other cheek.
- [LAUGHS] You're clever.
- [LAUGHS]
She's his problem now.
Oh, let me tell you about Budgie.
Oh, I have an uncle named Budgie.
[GASPS] You do?
- Yeah, he's my dad's brother.
- Oh!
Bruce, your cardiac patient
in 104 woke up.
She's asking for you.
Ah, OK, well
[CLEARS THROAT] Here we go.
I had kind of an interesting morning.
Patient brought in,
no pulse, gone six minutes,
but somehow I brought her back.
[APPLAUSE]
You should probably wait here.
It's kind of a personal moment.
Or you could pull back,
do one of those faraway shots
where you're hiding and it's
respectful and you got it.
Just so you know, she's pretty upset.
I guess she had
a do-not-resuscitate order.
Do you know where Joyce is?
I need to speak to her.
All right, everybody, come on down.
Bingo time, OK?
But wait, are those invaluable
health facts on those cards
instead of numbers?
Uh, yeah, they are.
Hello, my child.
Got anything to confess?
Dude, we're at work. Space.
All right, guys, we've got dabbers.
We've got cards. We are ready to rock.
No, there's really
nothing going on between me
and Chaplain Steve.
I mean, we hung out once or twice.
It's not a big deal.
It's whatever.
Are Serena and I seeing each other?
[CHUCKLES]
You tell me.
She left this at my place.
Not that she needs
an excuse to come back.
[CHUCKLES] Nah, but she's cool.
Super cool.
OK, remove clutter, cords,
and loose rugs from walkways.
This is a good one, guys.
You don't want to trip.
Annabelle does the tidying.
OK, well, just go ahead and dab
if you have "remove clutter,
cords, and loose rugs
from walkways."
This isn't bingo.
Well, it's a form of bingo.
What about the numbers?
Instead of numbers,
we're doing useful health tips.
Then where are the numbers?
There are no numbers.
This isn't bingo.
Hello, hello.
Hey, there she is.
How are you feeling?
Joyce Henderson.
I'm the administrator
here at St. Denis Medical.
I'm also a licensed physician
but, more importantly,
a fellow human being who is deeply sorry
that you did not get
the care that you deserved.
You had a do-not-resuscitate
order in place,
and we did resuscitate.
I am so sorry.
You know, honestly, I wish
I wasn't such a gifted surgeon.
I tell you, if it had been
one of my colleagues
that had tried to revive you,
this would be
a very different conversation.
Well, it wouldn't be
a conversation at all.
It would be
Is there a way we can make this right?
Well, I wanted to die, so
- Sure, sure.
- Hmm.
Anything cafeteria-wise?
It's on us, obviously.
Look, I don't care about any of this.
- Can you just leave me alone?
- OK, I'll just
I'm just gonna get a bunch
of stuff, and if you eat it,
- you eat it, OK?
- There you go.
You have to meet my granddaughter.
She says she likes girls,
but she doesn't know.
These old people are, like,
freakishly obsessed with Matt.
Better him than me. [CHUCKLES]
Hey, it's my favorite fudge lady.
She's still kicking.
Boy, I've been looking forward
to her all day.
Wait, that's my fudge.
OK, they're vibing.
Fudge is a once-a-year treat,
and this is supposed to be that day.
That is my fudge.
OK, what's it gonna be?
Uh-oh, another blank one.
Ha! Whoops.
Technical difficulties.
- This is bad, right?
- Brutal.
OK, here we go. Use bright LED bulbs.
Guys, here's why this one's
important, OK?
- Bingo!
- Bingo!
ALL: Bingo!
Wait, all of you at the same time?
How's that possible?
- Bingo.
- Bingo.
OK, I think what might have happened
is that I printed out
the same card 50 times
instead of printing out
50 different cards.
Actually, I know that's what happened.
[ALL CLAMORING]
Oh, God.
They might riot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Why don't we just split the prize?
[ALL GROANING] OK.
Let's go back to the center
and we'll play some real bingo.
Yeah!
Hey, hey, hey, guys, don't leave yet.
Why not?
I don't know.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Because you're gonna miss
balloon volleyball, huh?
Who's in?
You're one of my captains.
You are one of my captains.
What, are you in a rush
to get to the cemetery, Bill?
Come on.
Oh, and, Marion,
I've been waiting all day
to see you jump around.
Don't make me beg.
Chaplain. [CHUCKLES]
This way. No, I'm with you 100%.
Wasn't real bingo.
That's terrible.
Mm, your breakfast lasagna's
gonna be here any minute.
- You're gonna be glad you stuck around.
- Yeah, trust me.
It sounds gross, I know,
but it's a real crowd-pleaser.
Can you guys just leave
so I can watch TV?
Can I say one last thing, please?
OK.
I've looked at your chart.
No chronic pain,
no lifestyle restrictions.
You could still have some good years.
Can't you just try
to frame this extra time
as an opportunity?
For what?
Well, I mean, there are all kinds
of new and exciting things out there.
Like?
Oh, you know what? Check this out.
I was just reading about this.
An underwater hotel in the Maldives.
Psychedelic blues and greens and
wow, OK, it's $8,000 a night,
but you slap that on a credit card,
and what do you care?
Oh, well, that does look fun.
- Yeah, there you go.
- It does, doesn't it?
Who would I go with?
- My kids?
- Yeah.
- That sounds great.
- I don't have kids.
Oh, maybe my husband.
- Yes.
- It's a trap.
- It is.
- Gotcha.
Look, that's OK.
I don't have kids or a partner either.
In fact, I just broke off my engagement,
and I'm doing just fine.
At your age?
Oof. Listen, I have no one.
I worked like crazy for years,
and then I looked up,
and my life was empty.
But it was too late
to do anything about it.
Do you have any idea
what that's like, huh?
No.
- No.
- Yikes.
You OK?
I mean, that must have been
hard for you.
Workaholic, no husband, no kids.
I mean, she was basically
describing your life.
I'm sorry, didn't that
sound a little bit
like your life too?
[SCOFFS]
No.
All right.
Little Rascals are up 7 to 3.
Let's put some muscle into it, ladies.
[LAUGHS]
Fun, right? Look at them move.
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
New rule: every time
you hit the balloon,
I want to hear the weirdest
place you ever knocked boots.
- Oh, Chaplain.
- Oh!
Someone get the balloon
over to Marion, pronto.
Arizona. [LAUGHTER]
The movie theater.
We should probably, you know,
get things back on track soon,
but, you know.
I'm sorry, are you mad?
Your nostrils are doing that thing.
No.
I just feel like
we're not educating them.
10050 Cielo Drive.
I mean, I guess I hear you,
but don't you think
it's kind of nice that canoe
everyone's participating?
I mean, that's good, right?
Yeah, for sure.
It's not exactly what I had
in mind, but it's good.
- It's fine.
- Your mom's bed.
Oh, you got me, Walt. You got me.
Ticker's sounding good.
Keeping better time than
the Glenn Miller Orchestra.
You remember them?
I mostly listen to show tunes.
Yeah.
Has anyone ever told you
that you were a dead ringer
for Sophia Loren?
That slut from the Italian skin flicks?
Yeah.
Ooh, wow, is that some
of your famous fudge
from last year?
Yes, it is.
I love that fudge.
Thank you.
It's my special recipe.
Spike it home, Bill.
You got this.
I mostly had sex in my house.
Hey, good hit. Good hit.
Good hit, Bill.
Guys, I'm gonna add a new rule.
OK, so whenever you get the balloon,
I want you to say your
favorite source of fiber.
All right? Super fun.
And I'll start.
Whole grains. [BALLOON POPS]
- Oh!
- Whoa!
- Sorry.
- Wow.
I'm so sorry.
I think the Little Rascals won it.
[CHUCKLES]
The amount of fiber I have to eat,
oh, it's a terrible burden.
You know what?
Why don't we just keep the party going,
move on to our next activity, huh?
Who here likes lame PowerPoints?
Me neither.
What about funny PowerPoints, though?
The chaplain said
we'd have a dance party.
He called it a booty bash.
- Booty bash.
- He did, huh? That's fun.
Guys, I think we might have
to save the booty bash
for another time, you know?
Listen, I think you'll find
that this PowerPoint is very
I like to move it, move it ♪
I like to move it, move it ♪
I like to move it, move it ♪
All right, all right,
let's see those moves.
Get your farts out
before you hit the dance floor.
Donald, I'm looking at you.
We'll do this, and then
we'll do my thing, OK, guys?
Because I actually need
a few minutes to set up anyway,
so it's fine.
Serena, can you
Whoo, let's get it!
All right. It's 1998.
Ecstasy just hit the scene.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[SINGSONGY] Stella.
Stella Bella. Stella Bella.
[CHUCKLES] Quick question for you.
My life's worth living, right?
No, I'm fine.
There are a lot of people out there
who are worse off than I am.
And frankly, when my cup runneth low,
talking to those people really
helps me get some perspective.
Keith, sweet, sweet Keith,
you look troubled.
Oh, you got me dead to rights.
I guess that's why you're in charge.
I am troubled.
Tell me everything.
Well, me and the family
are going camping this weekend,
and all the songs
and late-night laughing fits,
there's no way I'm gonna get my normal
9 1/2 hours of sleep.
Yeah, that sounds horrible.
It's also tricky
trying to cram all us Fingers
into one tent,
but I guess that's the point
whole family together.
Hey, Joyce, thanks so much.
Shut up, Keith. Dakota's in crisis.
- [CRYING]
- Oh.
Hey, is everything OK?
Did something happen?
Yes.
I got engaged. [LAUGHS]
[GASPS]
What?
No. No.
You?
Come on. No!
OK, you know what?
New rule: no jewelry on the floor.
We are not in Miami.
Ugh, give me a [BLEEP] break.
Hey, Mom. Mama-jama.
You know, I've been thinking,
and I actually don't have
too much in common with Eleanor.
I have an extensive family tree.
Yeah, sure, sometimes
you get wrapped up in work,
but you just have to make time
to water those roots
and keep those branches strong.
So it's been a minute, I know,
but how about your favorite son
swoops you up and takes you
to Outback Steakhouse?
And yes, you can fill up on bread.
Oh, you're in Tahoe?
That's cool.
With who?
No, come on, I thought we agreed
we weren't seeing Frank anymore.
Because he's a showboat, Mom.
Marcus, my guy.
What is up?
It's cousin Bruce.
Your cousin. Vicky's son.
Whoo, get it, Shirley.
Show us what that new hip can do.
- Hey, Steve.
- Hey.
Pretty good, right?
Hmm.
Look at Serena go out there.
Yeah, look at her go.
That's she's great.
This is super fun, truly.
I just don't know if this is,
like, totally appropriate.
You mean the thing I said about Donald
farting on the dance floor?
- It was a joke.
- No.
He ripped one earlier.
No, not that.
I mean, a little bit that.
But no, the main point
of this is to educate them,
and I just think we should
get back to that.
- You're totally right.
- Yeah.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Hey, guys, so fun
partying with all of you,
but we're gonna do Alex's thing now, OK?
- Whoo!
- The PowerPoint thing.
Yeah. It's gonna be great.
Let's all go back to the chairs, OK?
All right.
OK, so today we will be performing
a vascular surgery on Mr. Benz.
So let's [SPUTTERS]
Step into a place
of gratitude, et cetera,
and I don't know.
Just get the music going.
[R.E.M.'S "EVERYBODY HURTS" PLAYING]
♪
Makes you think.
When your day is long ♪
[SIGHS]
May I offer you another pillow?
- No.
- All right.
I've got the fluffiest of the bunch
for the cutest gal I know.
- You are the sweetest.
- Aw.
You get another piece of fudge.
Ooh, yummers. I'll wash my hands.
Yummers. I love that.
I'm impressed that you still cook.
A lot of younger people like Matt
don't respect the old ways.
Please, that's a bunch of bull.
Matthew has behaved perfectly,
as far as I can see,
and he's not condescending,
like some people.
Well, I just
I was agreeing with Matt
in saying that your fudge
does look yummers.
I'm giving the rest to Matthew.
He deserves it.
- He deserves it?
- Mm.
[SCOFFS] The man's got some flaws.
He's got some flaws.
We all have our little quirks.
Do we? He left his wife in Montana.
That's a quirk.
Kicked her to the curb and hit the road.
Now, that's quite [CURTAIN RATTLES]
A quirk.
Washed my hands.
Hypertension affects 72% of men
between the ages of 65 and 74.
For men 75 and older,
that number jumps to
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Whoa, look out, 83.2%.
That is why
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
Um
Guys, listen, I know
that this is not as much fun
as dancing, OK?
But it really can help.
Just a few small changes in your routine
can make a big difference.
You know, my Nan Doris
took a fall when she was 70,
and she just
she just never got better.
So if any of this can buy you,
you know, more time,
more memories with your
grandkids and your families,
you know, it
[SIGHS] It's, um
[PERSON COUGHS]
It's fine.
Steve, you can
yeah, turn the music back on.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
You heard the lovely lady.
Back to the dance floor!
Let's scoot those glutes.
Let's scoot those glutes.
That's your butt.
Oh, hey.
[SIGHS] I really need a cup of java.
Yeah, same.
Hey, did you hear Dakota got engaged?
Dakota? What? That can't be right.
She must have misunderstood.
[MEN WITHOUT HATS'
"THE SAFETY DANCE" PLAYING]
What the hell's this?
I don't know.
I thought they were just playing bingo.
My God, they're not very good.
What? I'm not gonna lie.
Excuse me, young lady,
would you do me the honors?
Oh, I would love to,
but I need to file some
Please. You remind me of my late wife.
Well, OK, I guess
I can do it for a minute.
Tell me about this wife.
Oh, she was wonderful.
Not as wonderful as my current wife.
- Oh.
- Wow.
Yo, Brucey, get out here
and bang up this dance floor,
bro hammer.
No. No, no, I ca
OK, one song is all right.
Here we go.
Yeah. OK, I see you.
- Whoo! [LAUGHS]
- Oh!
Put some funk in that junk.
As long as we abuse it ♪
Never gonna lose it ♪
Everything will work out right ♪
I say we can dance if we want to ♪
Hey, um, I'm sorry.
That was out of line.
I think I went a little fudge crazy.
Oh, it's OK.
I can see why you went there.
This stuff is good.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Oh, um, sorry.
Didn't mean to touch you.
It's good you clarified that.
It's just, Agnes made me
promise not to give you any,
and I feel weird
going back on her request.
No, I get it.
I respect the integrity.
Thanks, man.
It means a lot to me.
There's no competing
with the allure of youth,
but with age comes wisdom,
and you learn a few things over time
like how to override
the code on the lockers
that hasn't been changed in 15 years.
Mmm, she did it again.
We gotta keep this woman ticking.
To the left.
Now pump it.
OK, Steve.
Go, Steve.
Hey. Hey!
Do you have to, like, encourage him?
What?
I'm just trying to help your thing.
This is not my thing, OK?
Nobody is learning anything.
That guy's been doing the
Macarena for, like, 30 minutes.
No, Chaplain Steve has hijacked
this whole thing, OK?
He's a hijacker.
Girl, come on. He didn't hijack it.
He just gave it a boost.
Can you just support me
even when I'm wrong?
And why have you been
defending him all day?
- Honestly.
- I'm not.
No, everything that he's [DULL THUD]
Oh, [BLEEP].
Sir, are you OK?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
OK, don't rush to get up, all right?
What you want to do is,
you want to roll.
And you want to roll onto your back.
- I know the song.
- Yes. Oh, my gosh.
- That's right.
- Yeah, yeah.
It was so annoying, I couldn't
get it out of my head.
Also, you were off-key
and it didn't rhyme.
OK, well, it's not
- you're OK?
- Yeah.
[APPLAUSE]
- What a treat.
- Yeah.
Dancing in the middle of the day.
I gotta say, Bruce, you got some moves.
Well, you you looked like
you did not care what anyone thought.
I envy that kind of confidence.
Crazy idea.
What if we brought Eleanor down there?
Oh, yeah, she might
get something out of it.
I thought so too.
You know, dance is a central component
of many Indigenous ceremonies.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Cardiogenic shock.
Dr. Andrews is gonna call it.
Shouldn't be long.
- Oh.
- Huh.
Well, that's good right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
No, yeah, that's what she wanted, so
OK.
You know, I'm just gonna
wait here until she goes.
- Of course.
- [SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
You know what?
I'm gonna just stick with you.
It's good to have company, huh?
Yeah.
Just so you know, nothing is
ever gonna happen with us.
[SIGHS]
A lot of Ricola wrappers here.
Yeah, that was Bill.
He didn't even eat any.
He just dumped them out of his pockets.
Dude, we crushed it.
Oh, I don't know about that.
You crushed it.
Are you kidding? We're a team.
You brought them to the
theater, I gave them a show,
and now you're cleaning up
all the popcorn and crap.
Great work, Mazurkian.
Thanks. [CHUCKLES]
That's nice.
See you later?
See you both later.
OK.
You know, maybe
Chaplain Steve's not that bad.
Yeah. See?
He's great.
OK, I don't know about great.
No.
He's fine. He's good.
He's like, yeah, whatever you said.
Oh, my God.
Serena, did you
What?
Did you hook up with Chaplain Steve?
- Shut up.
- You did.
Shut up. Shut up. Shh.
[LAUGHS]
- Only twice.
- Oh, my God.
And a half.
Then another 3/4 this morning.
It's chill. It's cazh.
Is it? Is it chill? Is it cazh?
It's so not a big deal.
And if you tell anyone, so help me God,
I will skin you alive.
This makes so much more sense,
because all day, you've been like,
eh, Chaplain Steve is so great.
Look how good he's doing.
I can't wait to do it with him later.
OK, get it out of your system now,
because we're never
talking about this again.
So, wait, is he, like, weird in bed?
- Obviously.
- [LAUGHS]
Will you come over for dinner
and tell me everything?
Yes.