Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e12 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three-hour tour ♪
a three-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground on the
shore of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Tune ends]
D.j.: Today, cats and kittens,
on the Sam riddle show on bozz radio,
we're featuring the music of
america's number one rock 'n' roll group
the mosquitoes.
[New tune]
Gilligan, will you stop that?
What a grouch.
Aah!
Oh, gilligan, you've had it.
Now will you get out of here?
Ohh
[Music flowing through]
Thurston, do you think
we're having a nightmare?
Together, with our eyes open?
Even Sigmund Freud never
dreamt of rock 'n' roll.
I wonder what it could be.
Oh, some Tom-damn fool
playing the radio loud at
8:00 in the morning!
Uhh!
First, I'll break the radio.
And then I'll kill gilligan.
No! I'll kill gilligan, and
then I'll break the radio!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan! Gilligan!
I sorely miss the sweet
sounds of civilization.
But there's one sound that I don't miss,
and that's the ya-ya-ya the mosquitoes.
Now turn off that infernal
machine at once.
It's a matter of taste, Mr. Howell.
Erhh! Matter of taste?
If you want to taste
that radio Turn it off!
It's off.
Well, I said turn it off!
It's off! It's off!
It is off.
[Music continues playing]
Where's that music coming from?
The lagoon!
The lagoon. Lagoon.
Maybe.
[Helicopter]
Don't look now, but I think
we're surrounded by savages.
Savages? Man, the savages
record for safari records.
Boy, are we glad to see you!
Yeah! I can't believe it!
We've been rescued!
I can't believe it, either.
It's the mosquitoes, my
favorite musical group.
I thought you said we were
gonna get away from our fans.
Yeah. You said this island was
deserted and we'd be all alone.
How would I know it was inhabited?
That helicopter pilot told
me this place was out of sight.
We must be way out. Get
a load of these characters.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm thurston ho well III, millionaire,
personal advisor to the bolshoi
ballet, and Lawrence Welk.
You, sir, look like Attila
the hun or a Yale man.
Allow me to introduce my group.
You don't have to do that.
Everyone knows the mosquitoes.
That's bingo, bango, bongo, and Irving.
Irving? Well, never mind.
Look, I'm the skipper of the s.S. Minnow.
And we've been shipwrecked
here for a long, long time.
We've been waiting for somebody like
yourselves to come along and rescue us!
Well, I'll tell you what
we'll do, commodore.
If your group will cooperate
with the mosquitoes,
we'll get you off the island.
Good heavens. If we had
to be rescued by musicians,
why couldn't it have been
the New York philharmonic?
Really, your trousers.
So that's what's happened to our
civilization since we've been gone.
Yeah. They're the mosquitoes.
I had a collection of all their albums.
Ah, worthwhile hobby, nature boy.
Interesting. Very, very interesting.
Whatever they are.
I'll see you later, gilligan.
Yeah, professor.
Mary Ann: Ginger, come on!
Aah! Thank you! Ohh!
Please! No physical contact.
Oh, ginger, hurry up!
Hey, who is this ginger,
Mrs. Money bags?
No. That's Mrs. Howell. Ginger is, well
She's kinda like, well
She's kinda like a girl.
You know, she's kinda
What's going on?
Like you said. Ginger's a girl.
I'll get Mrs. Howell.
Oh, welcome to the island.
They are cute.
And will you look at that hair?
Bingo?
How would you like to run
your fingers through that?
Fingers? I can go way up to my elbows.
Please!
Back, back. Bingo.
Just don't handle the merchandise, huh?
One of them's tall,
and one of them's short.
One of them's blond,
and one of them's dark.
Yeah, smorgasbord.
Down, girls, down.
Peace and quiet. That's all
we wanted, peace and quiet.
We came here to get away from girls.
Oh, there you are. Thurston
said you needed haircuts.
Split, man. It's the barber of Seville!
Skipper. Skipper, have I
got some good news for you.
It's certainly a good day for it, gilligan.
The mosquitoes is gonna give
us just what we've been waiting for.
You bet, a nice trip home.
No. Guess again.
Guess again?
They're gonna give us a concert.
Concert?
But who wants a concert now?
We wanna go home.
Shall I go tell 'em?
Uh, no. Wait a minute.
Maybe you better not tell 'em.
We don't want to get them upset.
We'll listen to their concert,
and then we'll go home.
I bet we're the luckiest people alive.
We certainly are. We're
finally being rescued!
No. I mean about the mosquitoes
giving us a concert.
Oh, well, certainly, yes.
Let me help you. Aah!
Oh, I just adore concerts.
I do wish the mosquitoes would
stop tuning up and start the music.
They have stopped tuning up.
That is the music.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear, thurston.
Then we'd better hurry.
They probably won't seat
us in the middle of the first act.
Come on, darling.
I wish we could be that lucky,
that we wouldn't be seated at all.
Don't bug me ♪
please just let me be ♪
ah ♪
Don't bug me ♪
let my heart be free ♪
don't bug me ♪
please just let me be ♪
girl ♪
aah! Yay!
1, 2, 3.
He's a loser ♪
pay no mind to what he's saying ♪
he's a loser ♪
he's got rocks in both his ears ♪
he's a loser ♪
he can't win, place, or show ♪
he's a loser ♪
and you know how much I
hate to say I told you so ♪
but I told you so ♪
aah!
He's a loser ♪
trouble follows in his tracks ♪
that man, he's bad news ♪
let him go, don't call him back ♪
he's a bad case of the blues ♪
blues ♪
he's a loser ♪
call him anything you choose ♪
he's a loser ♪
any breaks he gets, he'll lose ♪
he's a loser ♪
always stop when he says go ♪
he's a loser ♪
and you know how much I hate
to say I told you so ♪
but I told you so ♪
but I told you so ♪
but I told you so ♪
aah!
Well, that's it for tonight.
Well, I tell ya, you've been a good group.
And, uh, we're sure our next
month here on the island
is just gonna be too much.
Thanks. Goodnight.
Did he say another month?
Don't they realize we'll
miss the opera season?
I'm all packed.
What are you smiling at, Mr. Howell?
What's wrong, thurston darling?
He's been looking that
way throughout the concert.
Maybe there's more
to this tuneless discord
than I can comprehend.
Maybe he developed an ear
for rock 'n' roll?
Oh, he's got his earplugs in.
Thurston, take them out.
Take them out!
The concert's over, dear.
Oh! Oh, the concert's
wonderful! Marvelous!
Just absolutely thrilling. Encore.
Here's something you'll get a thrill out of.
We're gonna be here for another month!
Yeah.
And they'll probably give concert
after concert after concert.
Oh, good heavens, my earplugs.
[The mosquitoes on radio]
Trouble follows in his ♪
Skipper, are you sleeping?
I didn't even doze, gilligan.
I'm still listening to the music.
Yeah, so am I. Isn't it wild?
Wild?
I think it's really great
they're gonna be here a whole month.
Do you realize how much that
would cost to see them that often?
Gilligan, I hope I never get that rich.
That would be a very great plan
if you wanted to stay here on the island.
Certainly, little buddy.
I'll walk around on tippy toes.
That's why they came to the
island, to find peace and quiet.
And if they don't get it, they
may as well go back to the states.
Never mind, gilligan.
That's it.
That's it!
Gilligan, you've done it
again, little buddy!
Oh, that's great.
I did it again!
What did I do?
The mosquitoes!
The mosquitoes?
Aah! Aah!
What was that?
I don't know. What's happening?
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh!
It's so groovy!
I have to have a souvenir!
Hey! My guitar!
Ohh! Ohh!
What have you done to my guitar?
Oh, I want a picture!
I want that.
Help!
That's enough for now, girls.
You've had your fun.
Doc, give us a hand.
Oh, later. Oh, Mr. Bongo,
I'd like to conduct an experiment.
Now these electrodes will test
your brainwaves when you play.
Oh, no! You're not gonna
make any Frankenstein out of me!
It won't hurt. It'll just take a moment.
Here's the one I like.
The strong, silent type.
Yiikes!
Come on, Irving, you're my guy!
Oh, come on.
Oh, boy, a party.
Will you hold these
coconuts for me, please?
Do what?
Aah!
[Overlapping chatter]
Aah!
This is ridiculous!
[Overlapping chatter]
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
As your new manager,
I have something to say.
Oh, no, not you, too?
I have plans for you really,
really, really, really big.
Concerts, one-night
stands, movies, television
that does it!
I mean it. That really does it.
We're leaving tomorrow!
Come on, fellas, let's get out of here.
Did you hear what they said?
We're leaving tomorrow!
Aah! We're leaving tomorrow!
We're leaving tomorrow,
we're leaving tomorrow ♪
we're leaving tomorrow,
we're leaving tomorrow ♪
we're leaving tomorrow,
we're leaving tomorrow ♪
we're leaving tomorrow,
we're leaving tomorrow ♪
Hurry up, gilligan.
Hey, bingo, bango! We're ready to leave!
Hey, bongo!
Irving!
Irving doesn't
well, at least he could pluck.
Is anybody home?
Oh, no!
Gilligan, they've gone.
They've gone without us!
But they couldn't. They just couldn't.
Mr. Howell, they have.
Couldn't what, darling?
The mosquitoes couldn't leave
the island without us.
Well, of course they couldn't.
They already have.
They did?
Ohh! Well, in that case,
there's only one thing left to do.
Get ready, thurston.
Yes, dear.
Hey! Hey! Have you seen the
autograph that bango gave me?
See the "x," see?
Yes, we've seen it, gilligan.
I must admit that I underestimated
the reaction that would set in.
Oh, professor, we should
have kept an eye on them.
You just don't understand them, skipper.
They're a high-strung nervous type.
They being sensitive musicians
never mind that, gilligan.
[Pleasant music plays]
Gilligan, will you turn that radio off?
What radio?
It's not around here, skipper.
Well, how come I hear music?
They didn't go.
W-We've still got a
chance of being rescued!
I'll go check! No, gilligan!
Hey! Oh! Oh!
Boy, are we glad to see you!
We thought you left
the island without us.
Give the word, bingo. The word!
Now, look, fellas.
We're the friendly type, you know.
And we'd like to remain the friendly type.
But we need rest!
We can't help it if we're your fans.
Fans?!
The word, bingo, the word.
You don't want to do it?
Alright, men, now hear this.
We're not splitting from
this island for 2 months.
2 months?!
Each of them.
Maybe longer.
That crazy scene last night
wound us up tighter than
Presley's pants.
But, uh, fellas, you are gonna
take us with you, aren't ya?
Yeah. When we give the word,
then we'll all move out.
That sounds fair.
Aaaah!
Don't go away!
Don't go away from me!
Waaa!
Irving!
I'll fashion your hair
with these nail scissors.
And please take Delilah with you!
[The mosquitoes rehearsing]
You got any queens?
Be there.
Fish!
I can't stand it any longer, gilligan.
That music is driving me crazy!
Yes. Too much, isn't it?
It's called I want to go back
to pago pago pago,
yeah, yeah, yeah, with you.
2 months.
In 2 months, gilligan, I'm
going from a deserted island
to an isolation ward!
Padded cell. They're gonna have to
did we wake you up, Mr. Howell?
No. I was only half asleep.
I lost one of my earplugs.
Did any of you happen to find it?
No! We haven't seen it.
Maybe one of the mosquitoes found it.
I'm afraid to ask them. They're so touchy.
That's it.
What's the matter, skipper?
Supposing we do stay on
our side of the island
and mind our own business
for 2 months,
how do we know they're not
gonna change their minds?
They disappeared once before.
They'd probably go off without us again.
Good grief, you're right.
The mosquitoes might
buzz off without us.
They wouldn't do that.
Oh, gilligan, for goodness sakes,
we're not dealing with regular people.
We're dealing with musicians.
They have a world of their own.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Show people just like show people.
By George, gilligan!
You have done it again!
Oh, boy, I did it again!
I sure wish I knew what I keep doing.
Do you think it'll work?
I'm sure it will.
All headliners want an opening act
that'll make 'em look good.
That's right, ginger.
I mean we'll get up an act,
we'll rehearse with them and everything,
and then we'll make them look so good
that they're bound to take us with them.
What act? Who? How?
Well, you three. You're
gonna sing together.
Wait, wait. What about the professor?
Well, him, too!
You mean we'll have
our own singing group?
Uh-huh.
This is almost too much.
I'm in show biz!
I'll be forever excluded
from the Harvard club.
Oh, the pants look great! How's it feel?
Like alligator skin, on an alligator.
It had to be tight.
All the musicians wear them like that.
So they can do the
watusi while they're playing.
The watusi? I can hardly
walk around in them.
Oh, great. Come on.
It's really great. Come on.
Alright, I'll try it, but I
no. I'd better not.
Oh, gilligan, I got your wig all ready.
What do you know? Instant hair.
Put it on, darling.
How do I look?
Oh, it looks just perfect!
Except for one thing.
You need a haircut.
Oh! No, Mrs. Howell, no.
But he does need a haircut.
His bangs are too long.
Be careful. Excuse me, Mrs. Howell.
Here are the drums.
Now I have to work on the guitars.
Here are the sticks.
Whoo!
Oh, boy!
Now, see if you can play the drum
and watusi at the same time.
Come on.
Great!
Whoops!
[Rip] [Gasps]
1, 2, 2, 3,
4, 5.
[Singing off-key, lyrics unintelligible]
Yay!
Skipper, all we need
is a little more practice.
Oh, gilligan, the mosquitoes
thought we were awful!
Oh, boy. A little bit of
criticism and you fall apart.
You can't start from the top you know.
I'll start from the top of your head
and put you in the ground
like a thumbtack!
Remember, the show must go on.
Gilligan, will you please be quiet?
I'm trying to think of another plan.
Won't you try it just once more?
You just don't seem
to understand, do ya?
No! No! No!
You got it, skipper, but it
goes, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
yeah, yeah yeah
Hey, ginger. Huh?
You're in show biz.
Tell me honestly, how were we?
Gilligan, that act couldn't
get booked on devil's island.
What if we picked a new song?
I don't know how to put this,
but, um, you were terrible.
Boy, for somebody who
doesn't know how to put it
I'm sorry, but I mean, you
my grandmother always used to say,
"never criticize anybody else
unless you can do better yourself."
That's it! That's it!
You've done it again! Oh!
I don't know what I'm doing,
but I sure as heck keep doing it.
Now, a trio with a really, really big future,
the girls with a new sound,
and here they are The honeybees.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
You need us ♪
you need us ♪
like a clam needs a shell ♪
like a prisoner needs a cell ♪
like a ding-dong ♪
needs a bell ♪
you need us ♪
you need me ♪
you need me ♪
like a picture needs a star ♪
like a golfer needs a par ♪
like teenagers, ooh, ooh ♪
need a car ♪
you need me ♪
you need me ♪
you need me ♪
like a baby needs a toy ♪
like Hawaiians need their poi ♪
like a girl needs ♪
needs a boy ♪
you need me ♪
you need me ♪
you need me ♪
like a diamond needs a ring ♪
like a harp needs a string ♪
like a queen ♪
needs a king ♪
you need me ♪
you need us ♪
you need us ♪
like a bee needs its buzz ♪
like a peach needs its fuzz ♪
so that's why ♪
you need ♪
you need us ♪
bzzzz ♪
yay! Bravo! Yay!
[Humming]
Wow. Thanks for the autograph, girls.
I tried to get Mrs. Howell's,
but Mr. Howell was charging
a dollar apiece for 'em.
Gilligan, will you finish packing?
I can hardly wait till
we get back to our car.
We're double-parked, you know.
Oh, yes, and we left the engine running.
Come on, let's go find the mosquitoes.
Okay.
Hold it. You can all just start to unpack.
Unpack? What do you mean unpack?
The mosquitoes left us a message.
A message? They can write?
Apparently. "Hi, gang."
"Me and the boys me and the boys
"decided to take off this morning
"when the helicopter
came by with provisions.
As for the honeybees"
As for the honeybees?
"As for the honeybees, you're good, gals,
"but just a little too good, and
we've got enough competition.
"But so there wouldn't
be any hard feelings,
we left a gift for you."
A gift? Oh, I love presents.
Never mind that, gilligan. We
well, what is it? Open it up!
I'm trying to, skipper.
An album?!
Yeah. The mosquitoes at carnegie hall.
Is that all?
Well, now what do you think
of your mosquitoes?
You're absolutely right.
It was a terrible thing to do
Leaving us with an album.
They didn't even autograph it.
Gilligan!
Ohh!
If the world is lucky,
we'll never get rescued.
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone ♪no light ♪no motor cars ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle! ♪