The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e12 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hi, you guys, I'm packing my stuff.
What's all this stuff doing out?
You aren't going camping till Saturday.
I know, but I want to make sure
I don't forget anything not this time.
What's so special about this time?
Well, it's my first overnight camp-out
with just the guys.
Hey, come on, you guys,
let's play free throws in the waste basket.
We better not. Mom will get mad.
No, she won't nobody's home.
Set it up again.
Big Pete Brady intercepts
and goes for a shot.
Oh, no!
GREG: Mom's favorite vase.
She always says, "Don't
play ball in the house."
I'll be grounded.
There goes my camping trip.
Boy, I can just hear Mom and Dad now.
I'm going to get it for sure.
Good-bye, camping trip.
Wait a minute maybe not.
What do you mean?
You got to tell Mom and Dad
in order to face up to this, right?
Yeah, so?
So, supposing you don't
tell them right away?
Suppose you wait till after
this weekend to tell them?
I'll still be punished
but I'll get to go on my camping trip.
Right!
Well, they'll see that it's broken.
Not if we glue it together.
Look, there are only three pieces.
Neat-o!
That's a great idea.
You guys are sure swell brothers.
Oh, but remember, we've
got to keep this thing
a secret till after the weekend.
MARCIA: I won't tell anybody.
I'm very good at keeping secrets.
Ask anybody.
I guess it'll have to be all right.
As long as she doesn't say anything.
About what?
Look! Greg broke
Mommy's favorite vase!
I didn't break it.
I did.
But he's not telling till later.
Till after he comes back
from his camping trip.
Until then, it's a secret.
Come on, you guys, help me put
this thing back together again.
If one more Brady finds out,
it won't be a secret anymore.
Carol?
Dad's home with some flowers!
Oh, no!
What if he wants this vase?
Carol?
Where is everybody?
Hi. Oh, hi, Mr. Brady.
I didn't hear you out back.
Oh, beautiful flowers!
Yeah, where did everybody go?
Well, Mrs. Brady is out picking up
a few things, including
a new potato peeler
for our special treat tonight:
Potatoes a la Alice.
Come on, I've got an idea.
You stay here, Cindy,
and guard those pieces.
Okay.
The boys are out playing.
Well, that accounts for half the silence.
What about the rest of it?
Well, the girls are
here come two
of the thundering herd now.
Every man for himself.
Hi! Hi, Dad!
ALL: Oh!
Oh, what beautiful flowers! Mmm!
That's quite a greeting.
These, however, are for your mother.
We know just the vase for them.
We'll put them right in it.
Okay, be careful, thank you.
MARCIA: Uh-huh!
This is the best glue we've got, kids.
Is it good for vases?
"Is it good for vases?"
Does it say on there it's good for vases?
Yeah.
Then it's good for vases.
Will it be invisible, mister?
"Will it be invisible, mister?"
Does it say on there it's invisible?
No.
Then it's not invisible.
We need something that's invisible.
This is as close as you can get.
Believe me, you've got to squint to see it.
Okay, we'll take it.
They'll take it.
Hello, boys.
Mom.
Oh, no.
Hi, Mom.
I thought you guys went out to play ball.
Well, not exactly, we
We came to buy something.
Yeah, candy.
Well, actually, it's a
It's a corn popper.
That's right, for popping corn.
I figured I'd take it with
me on my camping trip.
Gentlemen, here's your change.
Thank you for your
patronage, and come again.
That, uh, looks awfully
small to be a corn popper.
It only pops a few corns at a time.
How ingenuous.
Come on, fellows. What's up?
Nothing, Mom.
Yeah, nothing at all.
Nothing at all.
Well, if you say so.
Well, we got to get going.
We'll see you at the house.
Well, why don't you wait
a second and I'll take you?
I've only got one more stop after here.
That's okay, we need the exercise.
Yeah, we'd rather walk.
Or jog, jogging's real good for you.
Wet rag.
Dry rag.
All clear.
Dad's still reading
and Mom hasn't got back yet.
What about Alice?
I think she's in the kitchen
trying to mush up potatoes
with an egg beater.
There, that should do it.
How long will it take to dry?
Uh, I don't know.
It says, "two to four hours."
We better put it back and let it dry.
Okay.
CAROL: Hi, Alice!
Mmm, hi, potato peeler?
Oh, yes.
Oh, thank heaven. I'm
running out of fingers to nick.
Oh, those are pretty flowers.
Are they for you or for me?
Well, since your husband brought them,
I think I'd better say they're for you.
( Chuckles )
What are you staring at?
Uh, the flowers are so pretty.
JAN: Oh, aren't they beautiful?
Yeah, they sure smell great in that vase.
Well, I think they could use a larger vase.
This one looks like it's going to tip over.
That one on the chest there
should be just right.
Oh, Mom, don't you
think it would be nice
if we did something
else with the flowers?
Like what?
Why don't we replant them?
Yeah, they might smell
better in the garden.
Yeah. CINDY: That's a great idea.
Now, you know you can't
replant cut flowers.
Boy, I wish you'd all been this interested
in gardening when
I was doing the weeding.
Wait a minute, Mom, I'll get
the vase for you.
I'll help.
I'm great at arranging flowers.
You? Since when?
I hardly ever get a chance.
Say, would you hurry up
before dinner gets cold?
Yeah, and put an aspirin in the water.
Water? In the vase?
Well, of course!
You've got to put flowers in water.
It doesn't leak.
Great, put the flowers in.
Will you kids stop daydreaming?
Why aren't you eating?
It's just that everything is so good
we want to make it last.
Well, there's plenty here for seconds.
Come on, dig in!
Mike!
Alice!
Help!
Alice?
Oh, dear, what in the w?
Anybody got three coins
for the fountain?
Alice, get a towel, would you, please?
You know, I don't recollect
this vase having cracks in it
when your mother bought it.
Obviously, it's been broken
and glued back together again.
The question is, who broke it
and who glued it together?
Your mother and I expect
an answer after dinner.
Mom?
Yes, Greg?
I got something to tell you.
I should have told you right away.
I knew it was your favorite.
I broke the vase. I'm sorry.
I was skipping rope in the living room.
I know I'm not supposed to
and that's how I broke the vase.
I'm sorry.
I know I'm not supposed to play ball
in the house, Mom, but I did it.
I'm sorry, Dad, I'm the one.
I did it, Mother.
Mike?
Hmm?
Do you want to know
something peculiar about that vase?
Yeah, you broke it?
Me?
Seems to be the trend.
( Chuckling )
Greg, Marcia, Jan, Bobby and Cindy
that's five suspects, five confessions.
You know what I think, Mike?
( Knock on door )
Oh.
Excuse me, could I interrupt
you folks for just a second?
Sure, Alice.
I really should have said
something sooner, I guess.
I was kind of hoping I could replace it,
but, you see, I broke the vase.
You?
Yeah, clumsy me.
I've got ten thumbs on each hand.
Come on, Alice,
you didn't break that vase.
Yes, I did.
I was reaching for that high shelf
you know, the one that's
always too high for me
and I kind of knocked it off.
Alice, the vase was on the cabinet
next to the living room stairs.
Right, I was moving the vase
to that high shelf
so it wouldn't get broken.
That's when I br-broke it.
Well, it's awfully nice
of you to own up to it, Alice.
Well, I knew it was something
kind of special to you
and I didn't want you to blame the kids.
Sorry, Alice, no dice.
Well, would you believe?
Uh-uh. It's nice of you
to try to protect the kids.
Yeah, thanks anyway, Alice.
Okay.
But I'll go to my grave
believing I was guilty.
See?
Well, we still have five suspects
and five confessions.
Correction, six suspects.
And number six is looking forward
to an overnight camping
trip this Saturday.
( With British accent ): By
jove, Holmes, you've deduced
that young Peter Brady did it.
Elementary, my dear Watson
the five who confessed
are covering up for the sixth who didn't.
Right, and if Peter is guilty,
then the other kids are
accessories to the crime.
Well, what are we going
to do about it, Mike?
Well, why don't we play along
with their little game
and punish everybody who confessed.
What, and allow Peter
to get away with it?
Honey, Peter's not going
to get away with it.
His conscience won't let him.
Does anybody know why
Dad called this meeting?
I do. He's going to tell
everybody I broke the vase.
I confessed.
Oh, no!
Well, somebody had to take the blame.
I told Mom I did it.
Me, too.
Thud.
BOBBY: You, too?
I guess we all confessed.
I didn't.
You didn't?
I wanted to in the first place,
but you guys dreamed up
this whole thing.
Peter's right.
We're as much to blame for this as he is.
Shh here they come.
I think we're all going to get it now.
Yes, well
One of you broke your mother's vase,
but five of you claim you did it.
There seems to be
a slight communication gap
in this family.
MIKE: Look, no matter who
broke it, the others of you
who confessed are just as guilty
for hiding the truth,
and I'm afraid you're all
going to have to be punished.
But when people admit their guilt,
aren't they supposed
to get a lighter sentence?
Well, that's not up to me, Jan.
What do you mean, Dad?
In this case, your punishments
are not going to be decided
by your mother or by me.
They will be decided by a jury of one
your brother, Peter.
Peter?
JAN: How come?
Well, see? Now, he's the
only one who didn't confess.
Doesn't that seem fairly obvious?
That he, alone's, innocent?
I-I don't think I'd make a very good jury.
Yes, well, we'll be the judges of that.
Now, Peter, you tell us what you think
your brothers and sisters
should get for punishment,
and if it sounds reasonable,
then your word will be law.
I-I'm not really old enough to make laws.
You can start with your sisters.
Wait, Mom.
Would it be all right if
I thought about it a while?
You want to sleep on it, son?
Yes, please.
Okay.
You can make your
recommendations in the morning.
In the meantime, this court's recessed
till 0800 tomorrow scat.
Good night.
Good night.
I can't do it.
I can't hand out punishments.
Why not?
Because it's not fair.
I'm the guy who busted the vase.
Look, you kept it a secret this far,
so forget about it till you come
back from your camping trip.
Yeah, then you can blab all you like.
I don't know.
Don't you want to go camping?
Do I?
Real bad.
But what's going to happen to you guys?
It's up to you.
Why don't you ask Mom and Dad
to give us time off for good behavior.
All you have to do
is make the punishments easy.
Like what?
I don't know.
Me, neither.
It's kind of hard to punish myself.
Hey, that's it.
You guys can think up
your own punishments.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'll help Mom all
day long in the kitchen
next time she makes cookies.
Okay who's next?
Marcia.
Send her in.
Okay.
I've got a great punishment for myself.
Okay.
I'll take Bobby to the amusement park.
Taking care of Bobby
at an amusement park?
Kids can be a lot of trouble at his age.
Yeah, well, going to an amusement park
and helping your mother make cookies
Don't you think those punishments
are a little bit lenient?
CAROL: Peter,
your brothers and sisters
have done something wrong.
We're trying to discourage them
from doing it again.
I don't think Greg's
going to get the message
if you sentence him
to a Saturday matinee
with Cindy. I mean
No, I guess not.
Well, if I were you, I'd ground him
from playing ball next Saturday.
Yeah.
Have him spend the day
taking the screens down.
I told you I'd make a terrible jury.
Peter? I think you're going easy
because they're
your brothers and sisters.
MIKE: Why don't you
give it some more thought
and this time, let the
punishment fit the crime.
Yeah, okay.
I've got a lot
of thinking to do.
Mike, I think his conscience
is getting to him.
Oh, yeah, if I know Peter
he'll be ready to admit it by morning.
Come on, Peter, you'll be late for school.
PETER: Greg
What is it?
This Saturday, you've got to take off
all the window screens.
Huh?
They got to be washed
and stored in the cellar.
Bobby will help you.
What do you got to wash screens for?
The water goes right through.
That's not the punishment
we gave ourselves.
I know, but Mom and Dad didn't
like your ideas
so I had to get new ones
for you and the girls, too.
But I'll miss a ball game Saturday.
I know I'm sorry.
Look, I didn't want
to give out punishments.
I wanted to confess.
But you guys kept on
saying, "No, go camping."
And now that you talked me
into it, you're mad at me.
I guess we did start it,
and we're not quitters.
We're not quitters.
Mike, honey, wait a minute.
You forgot this.
Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
You know, this morning, I was sure
Peter would admit breaking that vase.
Yeah, me, too. And
tomorrow's his camping trip.
Yeah, well, I've been
thinking of a new approach.
Why don't we reward him?
For breaking my vase?
No, for being the only one
who wasn't involved, see?
That ought to give his
conscience a little nudge.
Right again, my dear Watson.
It's elementary, my
dear Holmes, elementary.
What do you think we ought to give him?
Well how about camping equipment,
you know, like a lantern?
He's wanted one of those for a long time.
A lantern? Mm-hmm.
Mike, that is inspired.
Inspired?
Yeah, wasn't it Diogenes
who went around with a lantern
looking for an honest man?
Thanks, but I don't think I want it.
Why not?
It's it's too big.
( Sighs )
Well, how how about this one?
This looks like a pretty good size.
Gee, Dad, I don't have to be rewarded.
Well, you were the only one
who didn't confess.
We want you to really enjoy
your camping trip.
It's an awful lot of money.
But you deserve it.
We want you to have it.
You do?
Let me think it over a minute.
Sure.
I think he's ready to tell.
This did it.
Okay, I've made up my mind.
Yeah.
I'll take it.
( Sighs )
GREG: Mom's favorite vase.
BOBBY: She always says
don't play ball in the house.
GREG: Mom's favorite vase.
BOBBY: She always says
don't play ball in the house.
GREG Mom's favorite vase.
BOBBY: She always says
don't play ball in the house.
( Whirring )
( Car horn honks )
Hi, Doug.
Peter'll be right out.
MIKE: Peter!
He's coming, honey.
Oh.
Hurry up, dear.
Come on, you've got everything, son?
Yeah.
Now remember, stay warm and dry
and do everything Mr. Kramer tells you.
Thanks, Mom.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye.
Good-bye, Peter.
Good-bye.
I can't go.
Mom, Dad, it's my fault.
I broke the vase.
I should have told you.
I really meant to,
but it was the camping trip
that I really wanted.
It's okay, it's okay, son.
Mr. Kramer's waiting.
I'd better tell him I can't make it.
What reason shall I give him?
The truth, Peter.
Just tell him the truth.
Yeah, the truth.
Hi, Peter.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Why are you doing that?
I'm taking over all the punishments
I gave the other kids.
Well, that's a very nice gesture, Peter,
and I've got one more job for you to do.
What's that?
When you're finished,
would you mind gluing
this back together again?
And this time, try to do a better job.
Oh, no!
Well, Peter, it looks like we're
going to need a lot more glue.
First, we'd better tell Dad the truth.