Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e13 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Oh, gilligan!
Over here, skipper.
A million things to do around the hut.
Gilligan, what are you doing?
I'm building a bathtub.
You're building a bathtub?
It's not finished yet.
Oh. Thanks a lot for telling me.
I got to get some sticky stuff to
spread around so it won't leak.
Pardon my saying so, gilligan,
but isn't this a little big for a bathtub?
Not for me. I like a lot of boats in my tub.
Boats?
Yeah, see, I play war
games. I put the red Navy
on this side and the
yellow Navy on that side,
then I send out a destroyer,
then I send out a battle ship
no, wait a minute, gilligan.
Never, never send ships
out without air cover.
First you send out an aircraft
carrier, then you get all
how do I get myself
caught up in these things?
I never play with a
submarine in the bathtub.
[Buzzing] You gotta
watch out where you sit.
Gilligan! Don't move!
Don't move a muscle!
Freeze!
Are you alright, little buddy?
I was until you belted
me! What's the big idea?
Just because I sent those
ships out without air cover?
No, gilligan, there was
a bug on your neck!
A bug?
Yes, a green bug with big yellow wings.
They sure bite hard.
Gilligan he bit you?
I'm not sure. I can't tell whether it hurts
because I got bit or I got hit.
Let me see! Ow! Ow!
Gilligan, think! Did he bite ya?
I don't know, skipper.
You're certain that the bug
was the deadly mantiscani?
I'm positive, professor.
It was a green bug with big yellow wings.
But you're not certain
whether it bit gilligan.
Well, no. I tried to kill it, and I hit gilligan.
So I don't know whether he was hit or bit
or hit and bit at the same time.
According to this book,
the bite of the mantiscani
is generally fatal within 24 hours.
No, you mean My little
buddy only has 24 hours
one more day tomorrow night he'll be
if he was bitten by the mantiscani.
Oh, professor, we've
got to do something.
There's just gotta be
something we can do!
All we can do is to
watch him for symptoms.
Symptoms?
Yes. The classic symptoms
are aches and pains in the joints,
aches and pains
Complete loss of appetite
Complete loss of appetite
And a severe case of itching.
And a severe case of itching.
Well, at least I know
what to look for now.
Pains in his appetite, loss of joints,
and an ache in his itching!
Oh, professor, I'm so upset,
I don't know what I'm saying!
Skipper, you've got to
get control of yourself.
Try to remember: Aches
and pains in the joints,
loss of appetite, and itching.
I've got it now, professor.
I'm going down and see
how he feels right now!
Wish I had some kneepads.
Ow!
Ow!
My little buddy!
Gilligan, little buddy, are you alright?
Oh, it's my hand. The pain's awful.
But why are you stooped over like that?
My knees ache!
Professor, VO: Classic symptoms
are aches and pains in the joints.
Here, little buddy. Let me help you.
Does that feel better?
Yeah, a little.
Gilligan, how long have you had
these aches and pains in your joints?
Just a little while.
Maybe you'd better lie down. Why?
You look kind of tired.
I'm not tired. I just
wanna finish the bathtub.
Oh, forget the bathtub.
You can finish that
tomorrow or the next day.
No, skipper, I want to finish it
today if it's the last thing I do.
Oh, don't say that, little buddy.
I want it ready for Saturday night.
Well, alright. You keep working.
I've got something to tell the professor.
About the bathtub? Yes.
Well, tell him it'll have hot and
cold running water Except for hot.
I'll run along now.
Skipper, what's the hurry?
If there's one thing we
have here on the island
more than anything else, it's time.
That's the spirit, little
buddy. Keep fighting!
Keep fighting?
Professor, he's in
terrible shape, just terrible!
His hand is out like this,
and he walks all bent over like this!
Oh, dear. I'm afraid
that definitely establishes
symptom number one
aches and pains in the joints.
Oh, gilligan's got it, hasn't he?
My little buddy's a goner!
Let's not lose hope, skipper.
After all, we haven't established
his loss of appetite yet.
That's right. I'll go find
out about that right now!
I wouldn't advise that. Why not?
Because if you keep running
down there, it'll look suspicious.
Oh, you're so right, professor.
Besides, I'd probably
go to pieces anyway.
Perhaps this is a job the girls can handle.
That's a good idea. I'll tell
them exactly what happened!
Alright, now be diplomatic, skipper.
Break it to them with tact.
You can count on me, professor.
Mary Ann, ginger?
Ginger, Mary Ann?
Well, come on, girls. It's not hopeless.
We don't know that he's
got all the symptoms yet.
Oh, skipper,
the last time I saw him, he was so pale
and so thin and so ill!
[Sobbing]
But gilligan always looks like that.
What kind of pie is this, Mary Ann?
Coconut cream.
Boy, that's gilligan's favorite.
We'll sure find out if he's
lost his appetite with that.
Well, here. You let us know.
Well, no, now, the
professor and I talked it over,
and we thought it would be better
if one of you took it to him.
Oh, not me! Why not?
I'll start crying!
Oh, Mary Ann, don't cry.
Think of something happy.
Like what?
Like the day we'll get rescued!
[Sniffling]
Alright.
Gee that would make me happy
Being rescued.
Imagine everybody being rescued!
Oh! Except for gilligan!
Oh, yes!
Well, ginger, you're an actress.
You take the pie to him.
I couldn't.
Well, I've got an idea. Why
don't you both take it to him?
It would look so natural.
I mean Two girls taking a stroll.
Carrying a pie.
Who would believe that?
Gilligan.
Anybody else, no.
Gilligan yes.
Ok.
We'll let you know how much he eats.
Oh, fine girls
And make it light, and laugh,
and make sure that you're
having a good time, right?
Oh, those girls are wonderful.
Now we'll find out whether
he's lost his appetite or not.
Mmm. The skipper says
this bathtub is too big.
Looks kinda skimpy to me.
Fill it up Here and have lots of water.
Yeah! I wonder if I could float in it?
Oh, yeah, it's really
gonna be comfortable. Mmm.
[Gasps]
[Screaming sobs]
What's wrong?! What's wrong?
Oh, you scared us.
I scared you? You sneak up
behind a guy and you scream,
that's what I call scaring a person!
Oh, what's that?
What does it look like?
We know what it looks like.
That's what it is. A bathtub. Bathtub?
Yeah. I gotta find some sticky
stuff to line it so it won't leak.
We brought you
something. Oh, sticky stuff?
No. A pie.
A pie? Boy, girls don't know anything.
You can't line a bathtub with a
pie. You'd be covered with crumbs!
It's for you to eat.
Well, thank you. I'm not hungry.
You've got to be!
I couldn't eat a bite, really.
It's coconut cream! That's my favorite!
Eat some. Here. I'm not hungry.
Oh, you just think you're
not hungry. Now, here!
I'll eat it later.
How much later?
I don't know. What
difference does that make?
The most!
Look, girls, I gotta finish this bathtub.
Gilligan, don't do that!
I'm just gonna measure
it for size, that's all.
Oh, not in front of us! Oh!
But Mary Ann, you mean
he wouldn't eat any of it?
No. Not a bite.
Ginger, what was wrong?
No appetite.
No appetite.
Well, there's only one symptom left.
If he's got that
It's gonna be curtains.
We'll just stroll by very casually, you see,
and ask him if he itches.
Oh, darling. That's such bad manners.
One can't go up to a perfect stranger
and ask him if he itches.
Well, he's not a stranger, and
we know that he's far from perfect.
Yes, well, anyway, I think
the whole thing's ridiculous.
Darling, I had hoped to protect
you, but I must tell you the truth.
Our little friend gilligan
has only 21 hours left.
Left for what?
Then he goes to that great
deserted island in the sky.
Only 21 hours.
Oh but doesn't he pick up
an hour west of the rockies?
Darling, you don't understand.
He was bitten by a bug!
Darling, that's silly. We've all been bitten.
This crazy island's filled with bugs.
This is the dreaded mondoconi.
Or is it the conomondi?
A deadly bug with a green
body and yellow wings!
Oh, what a terrible color scheme.
No wonder it's deadly.
Of course, love. Come along.
We'll ask him if he itches.
He's scratching!
Oh, dear. If one scratches, one itches.
Shh. Mustn't let on, you know.
Ah, gilligan, my boy!
Gilligan!
Hi, Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell.
Ah, gilligan, my boy, how's
the, uh Bathtub coming?
It'll be done by tonight.
Oh, gilligan, I think it's such
a thoughtful thing for
you to do on your last day.
On my what?
She means on your, uh, fast day,
what with no appetite and
not eating and aching all over.
We'll think of you every time we use it.
Thank you, Mrs. Howell.
And we'll think of you every time we itch.
Mrs. Howell, you feel alright?
Oh, she feels fine. The main
thing is, how do you feel, my boy?
Truthfully, I'm a little tired.
Tired? Thurston, that's ridiculous.
That isn't even one of the symptoms.
Come along, lovey!
But darling, you said
never mind what I said!
My little buddy's got all 3 symptoms.
He's had it. That's all. He's just had it!
The only thing we can do is Wait.
But there must be something
we can do for the poor boy.
But what can we do?
We can take him some chicken soup.
Mrs. Howell, he was
bitten by a deadly bug.
Chicken soup won't help.
Well, it won't hurt.
The only thing we can do
is never let him know
how badly off he really is.
Maybe we should give him a party.
That'd keep him gay and happy!
A party!
A splendid idea!
We could give him
some presents and things!
Oh, I've got so much to
do, so many plans to make!
I just love a going-away party!
Oh, dear.
That isn't what I meant at all.
We understand.
Well, I know it's not my birthday,
because that's next month,
and it couldn't be my anniversary,
because I'm not married.
Gilligan, we're giving you this party
because we like you.
Isn't that reason enough?
I guess so if you say so.
We say so.
I baked you your favorite cake.
We each put a candle on it.
There's only 6, and there's 7 of us.
Gilligan, you're the seventh.
Oh. I still don't understand
why you're giving me a party.
I mean, look at all
the dumb things that I do.
Accidents, little buddy. Just accidents.
Well, you sure are very
nice people to give me a party
just to show you don't mind if I goof.
I really am a lucky guy.
You sure are lucky.
Gilligan, why don't you light the candles?
Yeah. And then I'll open the presents.
Let's all stand and sing
for he's a jolly good fellow.
[Spiritlessly] for he's
a jolly good fellow ♪
for he's a jolly good fellow ♪
for he's a jolly good ♪
fellow ♪
which nobody can deny ♪
which nobody can deny ♪
which nobody can deny ♪
Oh, please, Mr. Howell.
You're the executive type.
You tell gilligan. I
don't think I can tell him.
I know, but he's your
little buddy as you call him.
I can't communicate with him.
I know, but you
I have some news.
Good news?
Well, there's some good
news and some bad news.
What's the good news?
We could sure use some!
There does seem to be an
antidote for the bite of the mantiscani.
Hey, that's great, professor!
The bad news?
We don't have any of the
ingredients here on the island.
However, I have some more
news some good and some bad.
What's the good news?
It's possible to use substitutes.
And the bad news?
I'm not sure we can
find all the substitutes.
These are the things we'll need
calcium carbonate, cellulose
sulfide, and ferric nitrate.
You buy those syllables wholesales?
Well, I know it sounds
complicated, Mr. Howell,
but all of these substitutes can be found
in relatively common sources
clam shells, papaya root, mustard plants.
Oh, fine, professor!
We'll get on it right away!
Just a minute. There's more news.
Good news and bad news.
What's the good news?
In 24 hours, I can make enough antidote
to save gilligan.
My turn. Uh The bad news?
It won't do the rest of us any good.
Well, what difference
does that make, professor?
We weren't bitten!
The mantiscani bug
travels in swarms of millions.
Chances are, by
sundown, we'll all be bitten.
Oh, they wouldn't dare bite a ho well!
Would they?
Lovey, just don't sit there.
Stuff some paper under the door!
Darling, we haven't got any paper.
Well, use money, and
after the danger has passed,
we can unfold it.
Shouldn't we be trying to get
whatever gilligan needs to be cured?
Well, the first law of human
nature is self-preservation,
and I intend to be very, very law-abiding.
Darling, you can't be serious.
We must do something
to help the poor boy.
You're absolutely right. I forgot
for a moment that I'm a ho well.
And a ho well is never chicken
pheasant, perhaps,
but never, never chicken.
Well, then let's go help the
professor get the ingredients.
Hi, professor. Can I help?
Oh, thanks, gilligan,
but I think I can manage.
Well, how come
everybody else is helping?
Well, they showed a certain interest
in the outcome of this experiment.
Wouldn't I be interested in it?
Yes, as a matter of fact. It
should interest you greatly.
Well, what are you trying to make?
A serum. Syrup? Oh, I love syrup!
I love it on toast and
pancakes and ice cream
gilligan, I said serum, not syrup.
Is that good on pancakes?
Gilligan, this is a very
important experiment,
and I am very, very busy.
Then you need help. Here,
I'll wash this bowl for you. Ow!
Gilligan gilligan, please don't help me!
Don't worry. Gilligan
gilligan, alright, alright.
I guess I'd better tell you the truth
before you destroy my whole laboratory.
Now, I am making this
syrup I mean serum
for someone on the island who is
very ill and doesn't even realize it.
That sounds terrible.
Is it somebody I know?
Yes, it is. But we must keep it a secret.
Give me a hint. You can trust me.
Gilligan, I can't trust anyone,
because if this person ever found out,
he or she would be very upset!
He or she? Don't you
know who it is either?
Of course I know who it is,
and I want to cure this person.
And I want to help. I like
every he and she on the island.
Gilligan, please, you go help
the skipper with the clam shells.
Ok, professor. I'll go help the
skipper with the clam shells.
And professor
I'll work hard,
just like I was making
the serum for myself.
Hi, skipper. You getting
ready for Halloween?
Very funny.
Well, how come you
got the thing on your face
and your arms are covered
and you got those fur mittens on?
Never mind, gilligan. We've got to
get busy and grind all these clam shells.
I sure do wish it was Halloween. Why?
'Cause we could have
all kinds of fun, skipper.
We could go trick or
treating and scare the girls
and Bob for apples. You
know my friend skinny mulligan?
He was the best apple bobbler ever!
He held the record for
keeping his head under water
2 hours and 26 minutes!
Gilligan, that's ridiculous!
How could skinny keep his head
under water for 2 hours and 26 minutes?
He cheated.
He cheated?
Never mind. Just
start sifting that powder.
The professor wants his
calcium carbonate right away.
Calciate carbo who?
He's performing a very
important experiment.
What kind of an experiment?
Something very scientific, gilligan.
Something that you wouldn't understand!
In fact, it's one of the
most important experiments
he's ever done on the island!
[Buzzing]
Ooh!
Those green bugs sure do bite hard.
Don't say that! Green bugs?
Ok, I won't say it, but they do bite hard.
That green bug did it
have big yellow wings?
Uh-huh. How did you know?
Considering where it bit you.
Little buddy, your big buddy
has had it!
Me, too. If the professor wants this junk,
let him make it himself.
But gilligan, you don't understand.
I've been bitten by the mantiscani!
I'm a goner! I only have 24 hours to live!
Oh, skipper, that's the
worst news I ever heard!
But little buddy, you
were bitten first yesterday.
You only have 12 hours to live!
Then that's the worst news I ever heard!
There's nothing we can do about it!
Oh, yes, there is. What?
Help!
Help!
Do you know what we're looking for?
Of course! We're supposed
to find a basket full of
Ferric nitrate.
Ferric nitrate. Sounds like a
good name for a cowboy star.
According to the professor, it's
supposed to be found in a papaya root.
There's some over there!
[Buzzing]
Ouch!
Oh!
Mary Ann, was it
did it have a green
and big yellow
oh, a lot of good these clothes did.
Tch, oh, pooh!
It had a stinger this big!
[Buzzing]
Ginger
Where is it?
It's right on your
aah!
Oh! Oh!
Both: Professor!
Professor!
I hope those dreadful bugs
don't recognize us
under these disguises.
We must find the elusive mustard plant.
Let's rest here for a little while.
Yes, darling, but only for a moment.
We must press onward
to save poor gilligan.
[Buzzing]
I hear something buzzing.
Stay close to me, dear! I'll protect you.
Not one drop of precious
ho well blood shall he draw
as long as I ouch!!
I've been lanced! The devil
saw through my disguise!
Darling, does it hurt?
Ooh, it hurts! It hurts!
Does it?
Well, it smarts a little.
Oh, it hurts! It's excruciating!
I must have been bitten
by one of the younger set.
Mine hardly hurts at all.
One of the little devils
got through to you, too?
Pierced me right under
my left shoulder blade.
Ah, there must be joy in
bugville. 2 howells in one day!
Hey, pro fessor?
You gotta help the skipper!
Yes. I'm beginning to
see spots before my eyes!
No wonder, skipper. You're
looking through Mrs. Howell's veil.
No, seriously, professor.
You've got to make this medicine.
You've got to finish it.
We've both been bitten!
I'm sorry, but there's nothing I
can do without all the ingredients.
Out of our way! We have reservations!
We have been bitten!
Where?
East of the sun, west of the moon!
What difference does it
make? We've gotta have serum!
He doesn't have any serum for us either.
My boy, money talks!
Mr. Howell, we're off the gold standard!
You mean
I'm sorry. I would like to help.
But there isn't any serum. I
don't have all the ingredients.
Professor, Mary Ann and
I, we've both been bitten!
I'm sorry, girls, but there isn't any serum.
I'm kinda small. I don't need much.
Mary Ann, there isn't any.
Oh, isn't this amazing?
We've survived a shipwreck,
hurricanes, headhunters,
and now we're being done in
by a little tiny bug!
Professor, I must confess
I don't know what to say!
I know exactly what to say.
You do?
Dearly beloved We are gathered here
[Continues funeral speech]
Hey, skipper, what time is it?
It's 10 after 2:00.
Thanks.
It's, uh, 5 after 2:00.
Oh, good!
Well, that's 5 extra minutes.
Well, how are you all feeling?
Fine. Don't you hear us
laughing and singing?
Well, you've got good cause for it.
Professor on your arm!
Careful, gilligan! You'll scare him away.
What, are you trying
to get him to bite you?
Yes.
Well, I've heard of joiners,
but this is ridiculous!
I'm merely taking the scientific
approach to the problem.
Now watch. Skipper,
is this the same bug that bit you?
Why, certainly. The same
bug that bit me and gilligan!
And how about
aah! Ya ya ya ya!
This bug bit you?
Alright, then. Watch.
Alright, bug. Go to it.
[Blows]
He bit you!
Yes, gilligan. I've been
bitten a number of times.
I put sugar on my arm to attract them.
An egg-headed nut to the very end!
As I said before, I'm merely taking
a scientific approach to the problem.
Let me explain.
The mantis family has
some 7 different species.
Each species has its own
genus and subgenus.
They all look alike, but the
lethal variance is enormous!
Oh, that's a marvelous explanation!
Whatever it means.
What is it you're trying to tell us?
What I am trying to tell you
is that this particular
branch of the mantis family
is not poisonous not in the least!
You mean I'm not gonna
die? Nobody's gonna die?
Exactly. And I want to tell you
that chapter in the book
on the mantis family
is absolutely fascinating!
I've got to read some more.
We're not gonna die!
Did you hear what
he said we're alright!
[Explosion noises]
Hey, this bathtub really
holds water, doesn't it?
It sure does, skipper.
What a battle I've got
battleships and destroyers
and cruisers and oops.
Forgot the submarine.
Hey, that's gonna be real handy
around here on Saturday nights.
[Buzzing]
Shh, gilligan
He's right on your neck!
Is it the same one that bit me yesterday?
Yes!
[Buzzing]
[Plop]
Is it
Yes, gilligan.
Exactly 24 hours
after he bit you.
Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no boat, no light ♪
no motor cars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪