Level Up (2012) s02e13 Episode Script
War Hammer Time
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
RUN!
[ GROWLING ]
[ MUTTERING ]
I THOUGHT WE SAID,
AFTER DANTE JR.,
NO MORE USING MAX'S COMPUTERS
TO MAKE ANIMATION!
I'M SORRY!
I DIDN'T EXPECT THE MOMCUBUS
TO BE SO
WHAT? WHAT? FAT?
NO.
BEAUTIFUL?
WEIRD.
FIERCE?!
FIERCE!
[ MUTTERING ]
AAAAH!
AAAAH!
[ WEAPON REVVING ]
[ GROWLS ]
[ ALL SCREAM ]
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! AAAH!
AAAH!
YEAH!
YOU'RE THE MAN!
JUST DROP THAT ON HER!
[ GROANS ]
NO!
NO, NO, NO!
[ MUTTERING ]
NO!
NO!
AAH!
Joaquin:
DANTE, I BARDED YOUR MOM.
[ ALL CHEERING ]
WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD.
[ CHEERING CONTINUES ]
DOES ANYONE WAN
TO TRADE WEAPONS?
WHAT?
HMM.
COME ON. ANYONE?
YOU WANT TO GET RID
OF THE WAR HAMMER OF SPLAT?
[ IMITATES SPLATTING ]
BUT IT SPLATS THINGSYEAH.
AND ALSO IMPALES THEM,
APPARENTLY.
AND IT'S GOT A COOL,
BUILT-IN CATCHPHRASE --
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
OOH.
IT SEEMS DATED.
[ GASPS ] WHAT YOU
TALKING ABOUT, JIVE TURKEY?
ALSO DATED.
WHASSUP?!
HEY. WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER.
All: TULTA MUNILLE!
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH, WE'RE A TEAM
GUYS, WAIT UP.
UH
[ GRUNTS ]
[ THUDS ]
[ ELECTRICITY ZAPPING ]
AHH.
NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD
AS BARDING LEAKS,
NOT EVEN THROWING
THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN
IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!WHOO-HOO-HOO!
AND I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN
COMPARE THOSE TWO THINGS.
[ METAL SCRAPING ]OH!
[ ALL GROANING ]
OHH!
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
THERE HE IS!
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?I'M SORRY.
I HAD TO STOP A COUPLE OF TIMES
WHEN MY TENDONS SNAPPED.
[ WINCES ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAYS,
IT'S WAY PAST MY CURFEW.
I HAVE TO GO.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T HAVE A CURFEW.
AND IT'S NOT EVEN
DARK OUT.
I HAVE A TON OF HOMEWORK.
IT'S FRIDAY.
I JUST DON'T WAN
TO BE HERE ANYMORE, OKAY?
WHAT?!
I'M DONE.
I REACHED MY LIMIT OF
ACTION-HERO STUFF FOR THE DAY.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
BUT WE WERE GONNA GO
TO BAER'S.
I MEAN,
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION
FOR US TO REHASH
OUR LATEST NEVERFAIL BATTLE
OVER SOME VICTORY SHAKES.
IT'S JUST CHOCOLATE
AND STRAWBERRY MIXED TOGETHER,
BUT IT IS WAY MORE FUN
TO CALL IT A VICTORY SHAKE![ GRUNTS ]
SO YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING
ALL TOGETHER,
THEN YOU GO
TO A DIFFERENT PLACE
TO TALK ABOU
WHAT YOU JUST DID,
EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL KNOW
BECAUSE YOU DID I
TOGETHER?
YES.
NO THANKS.
I'M GONNA GO DO SOME KID STUFF.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
TODAY?
OH, ME, CALVIN, AND THEM
ARE GONNA BE POSING AS BUSHES
IN THE PARK
AND MESSING WITH PEOPLE --
REAL IMPORTAN
NOTHING STUFF.
I BID YOU ADIEU.
HE'S GOT WEIRD HOBBIES.
YEAH.
REALLY WEIRD.
SO, DO YOU THINK HE MAKES
HIS OWN BUSH COSTUME,
OR DID HE BUY IT?
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ][ APPLAUSE ]
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE SHOW
PARENTS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
YOUR FAVORITE SHOW AND MINE --
"IS IT DRY YET?!"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NEVER DRY YET.
WELL, SOMEDAY,
IT MIGHT BE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY
TO GET ON THAT SHOW.
NAH, I THINK
IT'S EASIER TO WATCH IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ SIGHS ]
WYATT, WYATT, WYATT.
THANK YOU FOR POSTING
AN 8-MINUTE VIDEO
OF YOU RAPPING ABOUT NEPTUNE
ON YOUR BLOG.
IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR A PLANE
WITH A CRAZY WIND ♪
NEPTUNE!
PREDOMINANTLY MADE
OF HYDROGEN ♪
[ IMITATES RECORD SCRATCHING ]
TRITON'S THE LARGES
OF ITS 13 MOONS ♪
THE LIKES OF WHICH
MAKE THE HONEYS SWOON ♪
SWOON, SWOON, HONEYS
SWOON, SWOON, HONEYS
CHECK IT -- CHECK IT OUT,
DON'T NEED NO AUTO-TUNE ♪
YOU WANT TO DO A RAP?
OR
WE COULD COMMENT ON HIS.
"CAN'T WAIT FOR PLUTO."
[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT SHOULD STIR UP
SOME CONTROVERSY.
[ WAH-WAH-WAH! ]
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
THAT'S THE WYATT RINGTONE.
ANDIGNORE.
[ BEEPS ]
[ SIGHS ]
IGNORED.
[ BEEPS ]
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]
THAT'S THE DANTE
TEXT ALERT.
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]HE PROGRAMMED I
HIMSELF.
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]
[ BEEPS ]
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
MOM, THE PHONE WITH THE WIRE
COMING OUT OF IT'S RINGING!
Mrs. Prieto: JOAQUIN,
YOU'VE GOT LEGS! USE THEM!
AAH! NOW I'M UP
BECAUSE I STAND WHEN I YELL!
THOSE GUYS
MUST REALLY NEED YOU.
TOO BAD.
I'M BUSY.
DUDE,
I THINK IT MIGHT BE DRY.
[ AUDIENCE GROANS]
UH. AH.
[ BUZZER]
NOPE.JOAQUIN, IT'S ANGIE!
SHE SAID
THAT THE SINK IS LEAKING
AND YOU WOULD KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
IT'S NO
ON teenlingo.org!
OF COURSE IT'S NOT!
THEY MOVED ALL THA
WHEN THE GROWN-UPS
STARTED LOOKING AT IT!
JUST LET YOURSELF OU
WHEN YOU'RE DONE.
[ AUDIENCE CHEERS]
[ LORD OF THE PIES
CRYING ]
WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT?!
WHO'S THIS GUY --
LORD OF THE PIES?
All: YES.
[ CRYING CONTINUES ]
OKAY, WELL,
LET'S GET RID OF THIS GUY.
I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING.
AS MUCH AS THIS WOULD BE
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO USE
YOUR NEW CATCHPHRASE --
YOU KNOW,
IT'S WAR HAMMER
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME.
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE'RE NOT GONNA BARD HIM.
YOU'VE GO
TO BE KIDDING ME.
WHY WERE YOU ALL SO DESPERATE
FOR MY HELP, THEN?
[ CRYING CONTINUES ]
THE LORD OF THE PIES' SON
HAS GONE MISSING.
[ WAILING ]
HE THINKS HIS SON MAY
HAVE FALLEN THROUGH A PORTAL
AND ENDED UP
ON THIS END SOMEWHERE.
AND IF WE HELP
TRACK HIM DOWN,
WE'LL BE REWARDED
WITH A HUGE BEAST.
FEAST -- HUGE FEAST.
EVEN BETTER.
WELL, EQUAL.
YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE THA
COMES UP WITH THE PERFECT PLAN
TO FIND AUNT FRAN
WHENEVER SHE WANDERS OFF, SO
I TOLD THE GUYS
YOU'D BE PERFECT FOR THIS.
LOOK,
NO ONE EVEN ASKED ME
IF I WANTED
TO BE A PART OF NEVERFAIL.
OH!
[ LAUGHS ]
OUR BAD.
JOAQUIN, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO JOIN NEVERFAIL?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
NO.
THAT'S NOT HOW THA
WAS SUPPOSED TO GO, RIGHT?
[ CRYING ]
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
LOOK,
I'M NOT COMPLAINING,
BUT WAS I THE ONLY ONE EXPECTING
A DESSERT BUFFE
FROM A DUDE CALLED
"LORD OF THE PIES"?
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY WOULD JOAQUIN QUIT?
WAIT. JOAQUIN QUIT?
WHERE WERE YOU?
NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T AS SMART AS ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
JOAQUIN QUIT.
[ Voice breaking ]
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE UP
THAT $12-A-MONTH
SUBSCRIPTION FEE?
HE DIDN'T QUIT THE GAME,
MAX.
HE QUIT NEVERFAIL.
OH.
THEN WHO CARES?
UH, WECARE.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
HE DIDN'T QUIT.
HE NEVER WANTED TO JOIN
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
BUT NEVERFAIL
IS THE GREATEST.
HE MUST HAVE
A REALLY GOOD REASON
WHY HE DOESN'T WAN
TO BE PART OF IT.
MAYBE
IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
[ SIGHS ] AFTER ALL,
HE'S NOT AS MATURE AS US.
YOU'RE IT.YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
YEAH.
REMEMBER HOW WE WERE AT HIS AGE?
WE COULD DO
WHATEVER WE WANTED.
SATURDAY-MORNING
CARTOONS.
AND BLANKET FORTS.
AND RIDING
THE HOWDY PUPPY CAROUSEL
AT D. HILLS MALL
43 TIMES IN A ROW.
All: AHH.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
GUYS, WE WERE HIS AGE
JUST A COUPLE YEARS AGO.
YEAH, AND LIFE WAS
SO MUCH EASIER BACK THEN.
WE HAD
NO RESPONSIBILITIES.
NOW WE'RE FACING DEATH
BY MONSTER ON A DAILY BASIS,
AND NO ONE
EVER THANKS US.
WILL SOMEBODY
PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP TALKING
BEFORE HE CONVINCES US ALL
TO QUIT NEVERFAIL?
LET'S JUST REMEMBER HOW HAPPY
THE LORD OF THE PIES WAS
WHEN HE WAS REUNITED
WITH HIS SON.
Dante:
[ Chuckling ] YEAH.
WE'RE PRETTY MUCH THE BEST.YEAH.
ADD "HELPING PIEMEN"
TO THE LONG LIST OF THINGS
THAT ARE AWESOME
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
[ SPITS ] IDEA FORMING.
BRAIN BUFFERING.
WHOA.
OH!
GET IT, WYATT!
BUFFER!
[ GRUNTS ]
OH! I GOT IT!
THERE ARE
SO MANY AWESOME THINGS --
PIEMAN BBQ BANQUET BEING ONE --
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
JOAQUIN JUST HASN'T SEEN
THEM ALL YET.
WE NEED TO SHOW HIM
JUST HOW GREAT THIS IS.
I'LL SHOW YOU
ANOTHER THING THAT'S GREAT.
IF I TURN AROUND
AND SEE SPARERIBS IN YOUR EARS,
YOU'RE GONNA BE WEARING
THAT GRAVY BOAT AS A HAT.
NEVER MIND. CARRY ON.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A PLAN?
[ BEEPING ]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]JOAQUIN!
WE'RE HERE TO SHOW YOU
SOME OF THE MANY AMAZING THINGS
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
HEY, HEY.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
OKAY?
THESE GUYS PUT A LOT OF WORK
INTO THIS PRESENTATION,
AND YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN
TO IT.
[ TINK! ]
JUST ONE
OF THE MANY AMAZING PERKS
OF BEING A MEMBER
OF THE NEVERFAIL CLAN --
YOU GET YOUR OWN
UNBIASED OBSERVER
TO SING SONGS
OF YOUR VICTORIES.
[ WHUMP! WHUMP! ]
[ WHIP! ]
[ BARD CLEARS THROAT ]
BLACK DEATH STANDS
TALL AND BRAVE
THAT'S ME.
UNTIL THE FROG
[ FROG CROAKING ]IN A CAVE
OH, NO.
HE SCREAMED, HE DID
HE RAN, HE HID
AND CRIED
TILL HE WAS SAVED ♪
I LOVE WATCHING WYATT RUN AROUND
LIKE A FOOL, BUT
Wyatt: OHH!
I CAN ALWAYS JUST DROP IN
ON GYM CLASS.
AAH!THAT'S TRUE.
Dante and Lyle:
5, 6, 7, 8.
DA-DA DA DA-DA-DA
DA-DA-DA-DA
DA-DA-DA DA-DA-DA ♪
DA
WHAT'S
THE COOLEST THING
ABOUT BEING
A BRITISH SECRET AGENT?
THE ACCENT? NO.
THE ONE-MAN SUBMARINE? NO.
THE ACCENT!
[ SIGHS ]
IT'S THE GADGETS.
GADGETS.
BUT WE HAVE GADGETS
OF OUR OWN
GADGETS.
THAT HAVE LEAKED
FROM THE GAME.
AND WE KEEP THEM
IN MY GYM LOCKER? NO!
UNDER MY BED? NO!
IT'S DEFINITELY
THE ACCENT!
OH! [ LAUGHS ]
NO! IN THE BOOTY BOX.
WE JUST REHEARSED THIS, MAN.
WAIT.
DANTE, ARE YOU KEEPING STUFF
FROM THE BOOTY BOX
IN YOUR GYM LOCKER
AND UNDER YOUR BED?
[ CHUCKLES ]
NO.
[ GASPS ]AH!
THIS
OH, BOY.
IS
A VILLAGE VAPORIZER.
[ CHUCKLES ]
DON'T WANT TO PLAY
WITH THAT ONE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH!
THIS IS
THE FAMILY TREE AXE.
OH!
HIT ONE PERSON,
THE WHOLE FAMILY GOES DOWN.
[ CHORTLES ]
[ CHORTLES ]
All: OHHHH! OHHHH!
[ Singsong voice ]
OH, HERE IT IS.
This is a MimLic.
OOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH!
Lyle:
WHEN YOU LICK IT,
IT MIMICS THE VOICE
OF THE PERSON YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
AHH!
WHAT FLAVOR IS IT?
[ SCOFFS ]
IT'S DIFFEREN
FOR EVERYBODY, DAWG.
I'M GONNA NEED A LO
OF EXTRA KETCHUP WITH THIS.
Man: YOU'VE GOT IT, COACH.OOH, OOH, GIVE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THIS IS THE YEAR I'M GONNA
WATCH THIS.
[ As Coach Farber ]
REGGIE! WHAT?
DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME
20 JUMPING JACKS!
GOT IT, COACH!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
HOW AM I DOING, COACH?
LIKE THIS?
THIS IS PRETTY FUN.
RIGHT? YEAH!
[ LAUGHS ]
COACH![ DANTE LAUGHING ]
WE SHOULD DO THIS
AT PRACTICE.
THIS IS AWESOME.
COACH, HELP ME UP.
COACH. COACH.
[ BOTH LAUGHS ]
IMPRESSIONS
REALLY AREN'T MY THING.
I'M MORE
INTO OBSERVATIONAL COMEDY.
LIKE, YOU EVER NOTICE
HOW MAD WYATT GETS
WHEN YOU ASK HIM
TO INCLUDE PLUTO
IN HIS RAPS
ABOUT THE SOLAR SYSTEM?
[ GASPS ] THAT'S YOU WHO'S BEEN
COMMENTING ON MY BLOG?!
I CAN'T RAP ABOUT PLUTO.
IT'S NOT A PLANET!
IT WAS RECLASSIFIED
AS A DWARF PLANET --
BIG DIFFERENCE.
THE MIMLIC IS JUS
THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
YOU REALLY GOT TO SEE
ALL THE COOL AND DANGEROUS STUFF
IN THE BOOTY BOX.
AND NOT UNDER MY BED.
[ SIGHS ]
LOOK, THESE GUYS
CAN SHOW OFF THEIR TOYS
AND PARADE THEIR DANCING MONKEYS
ALL DAY.
BUT THAT'S
NOT WHAT YOU WANT.
I KNOW YOU, JOAQUIN.
AND I KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU
TICK, TICK, TICK.
AND I KNOW
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO GET YOU TO COME OVER
TO OUR SIDE
TO THE DARK SIDE
WE'RE NOT ON THE DARK SIDE,
DANTE.
MONSTERS!
YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE PERHAPS
THE MOST DISTURBING CREATURE
EVER TO BE LEAKED
FROM THE GAME.
IT'LL OPEN UP A DARK WINDOW
INTO YOUR SOUL.
YOU MAY WAN
TO TAKE A STEP BACK.
[ SIGHS ]
THE INSULT SLUG!
I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS
ARE TRYING TO DO, BUT --
Shh!
WAIT.
NICE HAIRCUT --
WAS IT A DARE?
[ LAUGHS ]
THIS GUY'S THE BEST.
I ONCE SAW HIM MAKE AN ENTIRE
BATTALION OF TROLLS CRY.
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT,
METAL MOUTH?
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE TRIED
TO WIRE YOUR MOUTH SHU
TO KEEP YOU FROM TALKING.
TAKE A HINT.
[ LAUGHS ]
HEY, SLIM,
WHO DRESSED YOU THIS MORNING --
A BUNCH OF ANGRY, COLOR-BLIND
KINDY-GARTNERS?
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, NOW HE LAUGHS.
A LITTLE SLOW, THIS CROWD,
AND THAT'S COMING FROM A SLUG.
I TELL YOU, IF I HAD A SPINE,
I'D BEAT YOU TO A PULP.
OH! [ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
HELLO, LADY!
SAY ONE WORD ABOUT MY HAIR,
AND I'LL GRAB THE SALT SHAKER.
OKAY.
YES.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
AW!
WHY DO YOU NEED ME AROUND
WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE
TO INSULT YOU RIGHT HERE?
I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED
IN ALL THIS JUNK.
BUT -- BUT IT'S MORE
THAN "ALL THIS JUNK."
IT'S ABOUT RISKING OUR LIVES
ON AN HOURLY BASIS.
YEAH!
DANTE!
I MEAN,
IT'S ABOUT TEAMWORK.
AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME
TO SAY THIS,
NEVERFAIL NEEDS YOU,
JOAQUIN.
I HAVE NEVER ME
A MORE BRILLIAN
AND NATURAL STRATEGIST.
I KNOW, BUT JUST BECAUSE
I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING
DOESN'T MEAN
I LIKE DOING IT.
OHH!IT'S LIKE THAT TIME I TESTED
OFF THE CHARTS IN MATH
AT THE END
OF GRADE THREE.
REMEMBER, ANGIE?
MOM MADE YOU GO
TO ALGEBRA CAMP.
YEAH, AND THAT WAS THE SUMMER
CALVIN AND THEM
ALL GOT THEIR FIRS
BUSH COSTUMES.
BUSH?
ALL I GOT WAS MY FIRS
FOUR UNITS OF COLLEGE CREDI
WHEN I PASSED MY AP TEST.
[ Laughing ]
COLLEGE CREDIT?
COOL.
NOT TO ME, IT ISN'T.
AT THIS RATE,
I'LL HAVE GRADUATED COLLEGE
BEFORE I EVEN GET THERE,
AND I HEAR, IN COLLEGE,
YOU CAN WEAR SWEATPANTS
ALLTHETIME.
[ GASPS ]
AAH!
EWWWW!
[ LAUGHS ]
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES.
YOU LOOK MORE CONFUSED
THAN PERSIAN CATS PLAYING POKER.
IS THIS PAR
OF THE PRESENTATION?
All: UHNO.
LATER, CRAPAZOIDS.
TRY NOT TO TRIP
OVER YOUR TONGUES.
[ GASPS ]
OH!
PLACE SMELLS
LIKE A SALMON HATCHERY AND FEET.
Wyatt: OH, MAN!
WE'RE BORKED!
WITH ALL THE CRAZY STUFF
IN THE BOOTY BOX,
THE EVIL BARD
COULD EASILY DESTROY
ALL OF DAVENTRY HILLS!
[ WHIFFLE! WHIFFLE! WHIFFLE! ]
AAH!
AH, YEAH.
IS IT WAR HAMMER TIME?
[ SIGHS ]
YOU GUYS WERE GREA
BEFORE ME,
AND YOU'LL BE GREA
WITHOUT ME.
IT'S JUS
A SLUGGY RED BARD.
MNH.
[ SIGHS ]
THEY GO OFF
TO FIGHT A LEAK?
YEAH.
THEY DO THAT A LOT.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT THERE,
HELPING THEM?
UH, NO THANKS.
I'D RATHER JUST CHILL HERE
AND DO NOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NOTHING.
COOL.
MIND IF I TURN ON THE TUBE?
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
BOOP!
Iron Mike: THE SHOW PARENTS
WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
"IS IT DRY YET?""IS IT DRY YET?"
O.M. GOSH,
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
IT'S NEVER DRY!
I COULD SIT HERE,
WATCHING THIS FOR HOURS
AND HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS,
NOT CARING ABOUT ANYONE
IN THE REAL WORLD.
LET THE SUCKERS
DO ALL THE HARD WORK, RIGHT?
UHYEAH. MM.
YOU KNOW, JOAQUIN,
WE'RE EXACTLY THE SAME.
WE'RE SELFISH.SELFISH? I'M NOT --
WE DON'T HAVE EMOTIONAL TIES
TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.
THAT'S NOT
THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE REASONS
WHY WE'RE SO GREAT.
ANOTHER ONE BEING WE CARE
SO MUCH ABOUT OUR APPEARANCE
THAT WE BOTHER
TO KEEP IT UP.
AM I RIGHT, JOAQUIN?
[ AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOAQUIN?
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
Man: GO!
GO, GO!
Man #2: AAH! AAH!
KEEP GOING! GO!
I'M SO GLAD
I FOUND YOU GUYS.
I WAS STUCK WITH THIS OLD GUY
WHO WAS JUST SITTING AROUND,
WASTING HIS LIFE AWAY
DOING NOTHING, NOT LIKE THIS.
YEAH,
THE TRACK TEAM JUST RAN BY,
AND WE JUMPED OUT, PRETENDING
TO BE MAN-EATING BUSHES.
[ LAUGHS ]
LET'S HOPE PRINCIPAL STORMS
HAS EXTRA MONEY IN THE BUDGE
FOR NEW TRACK PANTS.
[ LAUGHS ]
I'M TALKING ABOUT POOP.
Boy: YEAH, POOP.
WHOO!
HUNH! HUNH!
FOR SOME REASON,
I'M FINDING THAT AMUSING
INSTEAD OF HILARIOUS.
THAT'S OKAY.
AFTERWARDS, ME AND THEM
WERE THINKING ABOU
GOING OVER TO BAER'S
AND SITTING DOWN AND TALKING
ABOUT WHAT WE JUST DID.
EVEN THOUGH
WE WERE ALL JUST DOING IT?
YEAH.
HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE PLAY
"IS IT DRY YET?"
THE HOME VERSION?
YOU SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES
FOR YOUR EYEBALLS TO DRY OUT.
IT'S LIKE A --
LIKE A STARING CONTEST,
BUT EXTREME.
HUGE IN BELGIUM.
BUT WE NEED A FOURTH.
JOAQUIN?
JOAQUIN?
Evil Bard:
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
BLAST HIM, WYATT!
I CAN'T!
IF I HI
ONE OF THOSE BOMB-BOMBS,
IT COULD LEVEL
THE WHOLE TOWN!
NEVERFAIL,
YOU CAN'T STOP ME ♪
I GOT THE BOOTY BOX
GONNA BLOW UP EVERYBODY
BEING EVIL TOTALLY ROCKS
Joaquin: GUYS!
[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
I WAN
TO BE A PART OF NEVERFAIL
OH! OVER HERE.
I'VE STILL GO
THE BOOTY BOX.
IF YOU'LL STILL HAVE ME.
UH, HELLO?
NEVERFAIL
DOESN'T TAKE SUMMERS OFF.
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO HEAR
ABOUT EXTREME EYEBALL DRYING.
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS --
WANT TO KNOW --
BUT
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE ALLARE.
[ SIGHS ]
AWW!AWW!
AWW!
COME HERE, JOAQUIN!
[ LAUGHTER ]
WAIT, WAIT.
WHERE DID HE --
[ EVIL BARD LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
NICE TRY, NEVERFAIL
[ BOTH SCREAM ]LET GO OF ME.
BUT I GOT TO BAIL
All: OH!
LET ME WALK AWAY
AND THE KID
WILL LIVE ANOTHER DAY ♪
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
WE'RE GONNA WATCH A SHOW.
HEY, GUY, IF YOU'RE GONNA
WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE TOWN,
YOU'RE GONNA NEED
THE VILLAGE VAPORIZER.
[ LAUGHS ]
AH!
[ WHIRRING ]
YOU'LL ALSO
NEED THE FAMILY TREE AXE.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
OW! AH-OW, OW!
WHOO! WHOO!
UH,
WHATEVER THIS THING IS.
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
OH!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
LYLE, NOW!
FEDERALIS EXPRESSICUS!
[ WHIRS ]
THANK YOU, DAVENTRY HILLS!
[ Muffled ] GOOD NIGHT!
All: YEAH!
UHN!
ALL RIGHT,
GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX.
[ ALL GROAN ]
QUICK, LIFT UP THE CRATE,
AND I'LL BARD HIM!
OH, YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN'T.
I CAN.
I'VE GOTTEN REALLY GOOD
AT THIS.
NO, I MEAN,
WE CAN'T BARD HIM LIKE THIS.
WE HAVE TO TAKE HIM BACK TO H.Q.
AND SEPARATE THE TWO ELEMENTS
BEFORE WE PUT THEM
BACK INTO THE GAME.
OH.
I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
IF WE SEND HIM BACK LIKE THIS,
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT KIND OF HAVOC
HE'LL WREAK IN THE GAME.
JOAQUIN,
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT.
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
YEAH!
OHH!
OH, PLEASE PUT ME DOWN,
AND
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA NEED
TO RETHINK
THIS WHOLE
CATCHPHRASE THING.
All: WAR HAMMER TIME!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
OH!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
MM.
NOW, THAT'S A LUTE.
WELL, HE'S ALMOST BACK
TO HIS OLD GREEN SELF.
YEAH.
Lyle: WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
[ GRUNTING ]
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME.
HERE WE GO.
STRETCH IT, STRETCH IT,
STRETCH IT, GO.
3, 2, 1.
HEY!
OKAY. OKAY.ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
SO
SO
WELL, THOSE GUYS TRIED
TO SELL ME ON WHAT THEYTHOUGH
WERE THE BEST PARTS
OF NEVERFAIL, BUT
WAIT! WHOA!
BUT YOUNEVER TOLD ME
YOURFAVORITE PART.
NO, NO, NO!WELL
[ CRASHING ]OHH!
GUYS!
I SAID I WOULD BE OU
IN A MINUTE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MM.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART.
THESE NERDS
ARE MY BEST FRIENDS.
WHY WOULDN'T I WAN
TO HANG OUT WITH MY BEST FRIENDS
ALL THE TIME?
[ GASPS ] PLUS
I GET TO PUNCH THINGS.
WHOA!
[ BELL DINGS ]
OH!
WHOO!
[ BOTH CHEERING ]
GOOD, HUH?
FEEL GOOD?
Dante and Lyle: 3, 2, 1!
YES!
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
RUN!
[ GROWLING ]
[ MUTTERING ]
I THOUGHT WE SAID,
AFTER DANTE JR.,
NO MORE USING MAX'S COMPUTERS
TO MAKE ANIMATION!
I'M SORRY!
I DIDN'T EXPECT THE MOMCUBUS
TO BE SO
WHAT? WHAT? FAT?
NO.
BEAUTIFUL?
WEIRD.
FIERCE?!
FIERCE!
[ MUTTERING ]
AAAAH!
AAAAH!
[ WEAPON REVVING ]
[ GROWLS ]
[ ALL SCREAM ]
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! AAAH!
AAAH!
YEAH!
YOU'RE THE MAN!
JUST DROP THAT ON HER!
[ GROANS ]
NO!
NO, NO, NO!
[ MUTTERING ]
NO!
NO!
AAH!
Joaquin:
DANTE, I BARDED YOUR MOM.
[ ALL CHEERING ]
WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD.
[ CHEERING CONTINUES ]
DOES ANYONE WAN
TO TRADE WEAPONS?
WHAT?
HMM.
COME ON. ANYONE?
YOU WANT TO GET RID
OF THE WAR HAMMER OF SPLAT?
[ IMITATES SPLATTING ]
BUT IT SPLATS THINGSYEAH.
AND ALSO IMPALES THEM,
APPARENTLY.
AND IT'S GOT A COOL,
BUILT-IN CATCHPHRASE --
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
OOH.
IT SEEMS DATED.
[ GASPS ] WHAT YOU
TALKING ABOUT, JIVE TURKEY?
ALSO DATED.
WHASSUP?!
HEY. WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER.
All: TULTA MUNILLE!
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH, WE'RE A TEAM
GUYS, WAIT UP.
UH
[ GRUNTS ]
[ THUDS ]
[ ELECTRICITY ZAPPING ]
AHH.
NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD
AS BARDING LEAKS,
NOT EVEN THROWING
THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN
IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!WHOO-HOO-HOO!
AND I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN
COMPARE THOSE TWO THINGS.
[ METAL SCRAPING ]OH!
[ ALL GROANING ]
OHH!
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
THERE HE IS!
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?I'M SORRY.
I HAD TO STOP A COUPLE OF TIMES
WHEN MY TENDONS SNAPPED.
[ WINCES ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAYS,
IT'S WAY PAST MY CURFEW.
I HAVE TO GO.
WHAT?
YOU DON'T HAVE A CURFEW.
AND IT'S NOT EVEN
DARK OUT.
I HAVE A TON OF HOMEWORK.
IT'S FRIDAY.
I JUST DON'T WAN
TO BE HERE ANYMORE, OKAY?
WHAT?!
I'M DONE.
I REACHED MY LIMIT OF
ACTION-HERO STUFF FOR THE DAY.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
BUT WE WERE GONNA GO
TO BAER'S.
I MEAN,
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION
FOR US TO REHASH
OUR LATEST NEVERFAIL BATTLE
OVER SOME VICTORY SHAKES.
IT'S JUST CHOCOLATE
AND STRAWBERRY MIXED TOGETHER,
BUT IT IS WAY MORE FUN
TO CALL IT A VICTORY SHAKE![ GRUNTS ]
SO YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING
ALL TOGETHER,
THEN YOU GO
TO A DIFFERENT PLACE
TO TALK ABOU
WHAT YOU JUST DID,
EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL KNOW
BECAUSE YOU DID I
TOGETHER?
YES.
NO THANKS.
I'M GONNA GO DO SOME KID STUFF.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
TODAY?
OH, ME, CALVIN, AND THEM
ARE GONNA BE POSING AS BUSHES
IN THE PARK
AND MESSING WITH PEOPLE --
REAL IMPORTAN
NOTHING STUFF.
I BID YOU ADIEU.
HE'S GOT WEIRD HOBBIES.
YEAH.
REALLY WEIRD.
SO, DO YOU THINK HE MAKES
HIS OWN BUSH COSTUME,
OR DID HE BUY IT?
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ][ APPLAUSE ]
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE SHOW
PARENTS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
YOUR FAVORITE SHOW AND MINE --
"IS IT DRY YET?!"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NEVER DRY YET.
WELL, SOMEDAY,
IT MIGHT BE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY
TO GET ON THAT SHOW.
NAH, I THINK
IT'S EASIER TO WATCH IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ SIGHS ]
WYATT, WYATT, WYATT.
THANK YOU FOR POSTING
AN 8-MINUTE VIDEO
OF YOU RAPPING ABOUT NEPTUNE
ON YOUR BLOG.
IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR A PLANE
WITH A CRAZY WIND ♪
NEPTUNE!
PREDOMINANTLY MADE
OF HYDROGEN ♪
[ IMITATES RECORD SCRATCHING ]
TRITON'S THE LARGES
OF ITS 13 MOONS ♪
THE LIKES OF WHICH
MAKE THE HONEYS SWOON ♪
SWOON, SWOON, HONEYS
SWOON, SWOON, HONEYS
CHECK IT -- CHECK IT OUT,
DON'T NEED NO AUTO-TUNE ♪
YOU WANT TO DO A RAP?
OR
WE COULD COMMENT ON HIS.
"CAN'T WAIT FOR PLUTO."
[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT SHOULD STIR UP
SOME CONTROVERSY.
[ WAH-WAH-WAH! ]
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
THAT'S THE WYATT RINGTONE.
ANDIGNORE.
[ BEEPS ]
[ SIGHS ]
IGNORED.
[ BEEPS ]
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]
THAT'S THE DANTE
TEXT ALERT.
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]HE PROGRAMMED I
HIMSELF.
[ BELCH! BELCH! ]
[ BEEPS ]
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
MOM, THE PHONE WITH THE WIRE
COMING OUT OF IT'S RINGING!
Mrs. Prieto: JOAQUIN,
YOU'VE GOT LEGS! USE THEM!
AAH! NOW I'M UP
BECAUSE I STAND WHEN I YELL!
THOSE GUYS
MUST REALLY NEED YOU.
TOO BAD.
I'M BUSY.
DUDE,
I THINK IT MIGHT BE DRY.
[ AUDIENCE GROANS]
UH. AH.
[ BUZZER]
NOPE.JOAQUIN, IT'S ANGIE!
SHE SAID
THAT THE SINK IS LEAKING
AND YOU WOULD KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
IT'S NO
ON teenlingo.org!
OF COURSE IT'S NOT!
THEY MOVED ALL THA
WHEN THE GROWN-UPS
STARTED LOOKING AT IT!
JUST LET YOURSELF OU
WHEN YOU'RE DONE.
[ AUDIENCE CHEERS]
[ LORD OF THE PIES
CRYING ]
WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT?!
WHO'S THIS GUY --
LORD OF THE PIES?
All: YES.
[ CRYING CONTINUES ]
OKAY, WELL,
LET'S GET RID OF THIS GUY.
I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING.
AS MUCH AS THIS WOULD BE
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
FOR YOU TO USE
YOUR NEW CATCHPHRASE --
YOU KNOW,
IT'S WAR HAMMER
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME.
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE'RE NOT GONNA BARD HIM.
YOU'VE GO
TO BE KIDDING ME.
WHY WERE YOU ALL SO DESPERATE
FOR MY HELP, THEN?
[ CRYING CONTINUES ]
THE LORD OF THE PIES' SON
HAS GONE MISSING.
[ WAILING ]
HE THINKS HIS SON MAY
HAVE FALLEN THROUGH A PORTAL
AND ENDED UP
ON THIS END SOMEWHERE.
AND IF WE HELP
TRACK HIM DOWN,
WE'LL BE REWARDED
WITH A HUGE BEAST.
FEAST -- HUGE FEAST.
EVEN BETTER.
WELL, EQUAL.
YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE THA
COMES UP WITH THE PERFECT PLAN
TO FIND AUNT FRAN
WHENEVER SHE WANDERS OFF, SO
I TOLD THE GUYS
YOU'D BE PERFECT FOR THIS.
LOOK,
NO ONE EVEN ASKED ME
IF I WANTED
TO BE A PART OF NEVERFAIL.
OH!
[ LAUGHS ]
OUR BAD.
JOAQUIN, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO JOIN NEVERFAIL?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
NO.
THAT'S NOT HOW THA
WAS SUPPOSED TO GO, RIGHT?
[ CRYING ]
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
LOOK,
I'M NOT COMPLAINING,
BUT WAS I THE ONLY ONE EXPECTING
A DESSERT BUFFE
FROM A DUDE CALLED
"LORD OF THE PIES"?
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY WOULD JOAQUIN QUIT?
WAIT. JOAQUIN QUIT?
WHERE WERE YOU?
NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T AS SMART AS ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
JOAQUIN QUIT.
[ Voice breaking ]
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE UP
THAT $12-A-MONTH
SUBSCRIPTION FEE?
HE DIDN'T QUIT THE GAME,
MAX.
HE QUIT NEVERFAIL.
OH.
THEN WHO CARES?
UH, WECARE.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
HE DIDN'T QUIT.
HE NEVER WANTED TO JOIN
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
BUT NEVERFAIL
IS THE GREATEST.
HE MUST HAVE
A REALLY GOOD REASON
WHY HE DOESN'T WAN
TO BE PART OF IT.
MAYBE
IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
[ SIGHS ] AFTER ALL,
HE'S NOT AS MATURE AS US.
YOU'RE IT.YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
-YOU'RE IT.
YEAH.
REMEMBER HOW WE WERE AT HIS AGE?
WE COULD DO
WHATEVER WE WANTED.
SATURDAY-MORNING
CARTOONS.
AND BLANKET FORTS.
AND RIDING
THE HOWDY PUPPY CAROUSEL
AT D. HILLS MALL
43 TIMES IN A ROW.
All: AHH.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
GUYS, WE WERE HIS AGE
JUST A COUPLE YEARS AGO.
YEAH, AND LIFE WAS
SO MUCH EASIER BACK THEN.
WE HAD
NO RESPONSIBILITIES.
NOW WE'RE FACING DEATH
BY MONSTER ON A DAILY BASIS,
AND NO ONE
EVER THANKS US.
WILL SOMEBODY
PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP TALKING
BEFORE HE CONVINCES US ALL
TO QUIT NEVERFAIL?
LET'S JUST REMEMBER HOW HAPPY
THE LORD OF THE PIES WAS
WHEN HE WAS REUNITED
WITH HIS SON.
Dante:
[ Chuckling ] YEAH.
WE'RE PRETTY MUCH THE BEST.YEAH.
ADD "HELPING PIEMEN"
TO THE LONG LIST OF THINGS
THAT ARE AWESOME
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
[ SPITS ] IDEA FORMING.
BRAIN BUFFERING.
WHOA.
OH!
GET IT, WYATT!
BUFFER!
[ GRUNTS ]
OH! I GOT IT!
THERE ARE
SO MANY AWESOME THINGS --
PIEMAN BBQ BANQUET BEING ONE --
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
JOAQUIN JUST HASN'T SEEN
THEM ALL YET.
WE NEED TO SHOW HIM
JUST HOW GREAT THIS IS.
I'LL SHOW YOU
ANOTHER THING THAT'S GREAT.
IF I TURN AROUND
AND SEE SPARERIBS IN YOUR EARS,
YOU'RE GONNA BE WEARING
THAT GRAVY BOAT AS A HAT.
NEVER MIND. CARRY ON.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A PLAN?
[ BEEPING ]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]JOAQUIN!
WE'RE HERE TO SHOW YOU
SOME OF THE MANY AMAZING THINGS
ABOUT NEVERFAIL.
HEY, HEY.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
OKAY?
THESE GUYS PUT A LOT OF WORK
INTO THIS PRESENTATION,
AND YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN
TO IT.
[ TINK! ]
JUST ONE
OF THE MANY AMAZING PERKS
OF BEING A MEMBER
OF THE NEVERFAIL CLAN --
YOU GET YOUR OWN
UNBIASED OBSERVER
TO SING SONGS
OF YOUR VICTORIES.
[ WHUMP! WHUMP! ]
[ WHIP! ]
[ BARD CLEARS THROAT ]
BLACK DEATH STANDS
TALL AND BRAVE
THAT'S ME.
UNTIL THE FROG
[ FROG CROAKING ]IN A CAVE
OH, NO.
HE SCREAMED, HE DID
HE RAN, HE HID
AND CRIED
TILL HE WAS SAVED ♪
I LOVE WATCHING WYATT RUN AROUND
LIKE A FOOL, BUT
Wyatt: OHH!
I CAN ALWAYS JUST DROP IN
ON GYM CLASS.
AAH!THAT'S TRUE.
Dante and Lyle:
5, 6, 7, 8.
DA-DA DA DA-DA-DA
DA-DA-DA-DA
DA-DA-DA DA-DA-DA ♪
DA
WHAT'S
THE COOLEST THING
ABOUT BEING
A BRITISH SECRET AGENT?
THE ACCENT? NO.
THE ONE-MAN SUBMARINE? NO.
THE ACCENT!
[ SIGHS ]
IT'S THE GADGETS.
GADGETS.
BUT WE HAVE GADGETS
OF OUR OWN
GADGETS.
THAT HAVE LEAKED
FROM THE GAME.
AND WE KEEP THEM
IN MY GYM LOCKER? NO!
UNDER MY BED? NO!
IT'S DEFINITELY
THE ACCENT!
OH! [ LAUGHS ]
NO! IN THE BOOTY BOX.
WE JUST REHEARSED THIS, MAN.
WAIT.
DANTE, ARE YOU KEEPING STUFF
FROM THE BOOTY BOX
IN YOUR GYM LOCKER
AND UNDER YOUR BED?
[ CHUCKLES ]
NO.
[ GASPS ]AH!
THIS
OH, BOY.
IS
A VILLAGE VAPORIZER.
[ CHUCKLES ]
DON'T WANT TO PLAY
WITH THAT ONE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH!
THIS IS
THE FAMILY TREE AXE.
OH!
HIT ONE PERSON,
THE WHOLE FAMILY GOES DOWN.
[ CHORTLES ]
[ CHORTLES ]
All: OHHHH! OHHHH!
[ Singsong voice ]
OH, HERE IT IS.
This is a MimLic.
OOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH!
Lyle:
WHEN YOU LICK IT,
IT MIMICS THE VOICE
OF THE PERSON YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
AHH!
WHAT FLAVOR IS IT?
[ SCOFFS ]
IT'S DIFFEREN
FOR EVERYBODY, DAWG.
I'M GONNA NEED A LO
OF EXTRA KETCHUP WITH THIS.
Man: YOU'VE GOT IT, COACH.OOH, OOH, GIVE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THIS IS THE YEAR I'M GONNA
WATCH THIS.
[ As Coach Farber ]
REGGIE! WHAT?
DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME
20 JUMPING JACKS!
GOT IT, COACH!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
HOW AM I DOING, COACH?
LIKE THIS?
THIS IS PRETTY FUN.
RIGHT? YEAH!
[ LAUGHS ]
COACH![ DANTE LAUGHING ]
WE SHOULD DO THIS
AT PRACTICE.
THIS IS AWESOME.
COACH, HELP ME UP.
COACH. COACH.
[ BOTH LAUGHS ]
IMPRESSIONS
REALLY AREN'T MY THING.
I'M MORE
INTO OBSERVATIONAL COMEDY.
LIKE, YOU EVER NOTICE
HOW MAD WYATT GETS
WHEN YOU ASK HIM
TO INCLUDE PLUTO
IN HIS RAPS
ABOUT THE SOLAR SYSTEM?
[ GASPS ] THAT'S YOU WHO'S BEEN
COMMENTING ON MY BLOG?!
I CAN'T RAP ABOUT PLUTO.
IT'S NOT A PLANET!
IT WAS RECLASSIFIED
AS A DWARF PLANET --
BIG DIFFERENCE.
THE MIMLIC IS JUS
THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
YOU REALLY GOT TO SEE
ALL THE COOL AND DANGEROUS STUFF
IN THE BOOTY BOX.
AND NOT UNDER MY BED.
[ SIGHS ]
LOOK, THESE GUYS
CAN SHOW OFF THEIR TOYS
AND PARADE THEIR DANCING MONKEYS
ALL DAY.
BUT THAT'S
NOT WHAT YOU WANT.
I KNOW YOU, JOAQUIN.
AND I KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU
TICK, TICK, TICK.
AND I KNOW
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO GET YOU TO COME OVER
TO OUR SIDE
TO THE DARK SIDE
WE'RE NOT ON THE DARK SIDE,
DANTE.
MONSTERS!
YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE PERHAPS
THE MOST DISTURBING CREATURE
EVER TO BE LEAKED
FROM THE GAME.
IT'LL OPEN UP A DARK WINDOW
INTO YOUR SOUL.
YOU MAY WAN
TO TAKE A STEP BACK.
[ SIGHS ]
THE INSULT SLUG!
I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS
ARE TRYING TO DO, BUT --
Shh!
WAIT.
NICE HAIRCUT --
WAS IT A DARE?
[ LAUGHS ]
THIS GUY'S THE BEST.
I ONCE SAW HIM MAKE AN ENTIRE
BATTALION OF TROLLS CRY.
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT,
METAL MOUTH?
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE TRIED
TO WIRE YOUR MOUTH SHU
TO KEEP YOU FROM TALKING.
TAKE A HINT.
[ LAUGHS ]
HEY, SLIM,
WHO DRESSED YOU THIS MORNING --
A BUNCH OF ANGRY, COLOR-BLIND
KINDY-GARTNERS?
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, NOW HE LAUGHS.
A LITTLE SLOW, THIS CROWD,
AND THAT'S COMING FROM A SLUG.
I TELL YOU, IF I HAD A SPINE,
I'D BEAT YOU TO A PULP.
OH! [ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
HELLO, LADY!
SAY ONE WORD ABOUT MY HAIR,
AND I'LL GRAB THE SALT SHAKER.
OKAY.
YES.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
AW!
WHY DO YOU NEED ME AROUND
WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE
TO INSULT YOU RIGHT HERE?
I'M JUST NOT INTERESTED
IN ALL THIS JUNK.
BUT -- BUT IT'S MORE
THAN "ALL THIS JUNK."
IT'S ABOUT RISKING OUR LIVES
ON AN HOURLY BASIS.
YEAH!
DANTE!
I MEAN,
IT'S ABOUT TEAMWORK.
AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME
TO SAY THIS,
NEVERFAIL NEEDS YOU,
JOAQUIN.
I HAVE NEVER ME
A MORE BRILLIAN
AND NATURAL STRATEGIST.
I KNOW, BUT JUST BECAUSE
I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING
DOESN'T MEAN
I LIKE DOING IT.
OHH!IT'S LIKE THAT TIME I TESTED
OFF THE CHARTS IN MATH
AT THE END
OF GRADE THREE.
REMEMBER, ANGIE?
MOM MADE YOU GO
TO ALGEBRA CAMP.
YEAH, AND THAT WAS THE SUMMER
CALVIN AND THEM
ALL GOT THEIR FIRS
BUSH COSTUMES.
BUSH?
ALL I GOT WAS MY FIRS
FOUR UNITS OF COLLEGE CREDI
WHEN I PASSED MY AP TEST.
[ Laughing ]
COLLEGE CREDIT?
COOL.
NOT TO ME, IT ISN'T.
AT THIS RATE,
I'LL HAVE GRADUATED COLLEGE
BEFORE I EVEN GET THERE,
AND I HEAR, IN COLLEGE,
YOU CAN WEAR SWEATPANTS
ALLTHETIME.
[ GASPS ]
AAH!
EWWWW!
[ LAUGHS ]
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACES.
YOU LOOK MORE CONFUSED
THAN PERSIAN CATS PLAYING POKER.
IS THIS PAR
OF THE PRESENTATION?
All: UHNO.
LATER, CRAPAZOIDS.
TRY NOT TO TRIP
OVER YOUR TONGUES.
[ GASPS ]
OH!
PLACE SMELLS
LIKE A SALMON HATCHERY AND FEET.
Wyatt: OH, MAN!
WE'RE BORKED!
WITH ALL THE CRAZY STUFF
IN THE BOOTY BOX,
THE EVIL BARD
COULD EASILY DESTROY
ALL OF DAVENTRY HILLS!
[ WHIFFLE! WHIFFLE! WHIFFLE! ]
AAH!
AH, YEAH.
IS IT WAR HAMMER TIME?
[ SIGHS ]
YOU GUYS WERE GREA
BEFORE ME,
AND YOU'LL BE GREA
WITHOUT ME.
IT'S JUS
A SLUGGY RED BARD.
MNH.
[ SIGHS ]
THEY GO OFF
TO FIGHT A LEAK?
YEAH.
THEY DO THAT A LOT.
SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT THERE,
HELPING THEM?
UH, NO THANKS.
I'D RATHER JUST CHILL HERE
AND DO NOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NOTHING.
COOL.
MIND IF I TURN ON THE TUBE?
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
BOOP!
Iron Mike: THE SHOW PARENTS
WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
"IS IT DRY YET?""IS IT DRY YET?"
O.M. GOSH,
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
IT'S NEVER DRY!
I COULD SIT HERE,
WATCHING THIS FOR HOURS
AND HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS,
NOT CARING ABOUT ANYONE
IN THE REAL WORLD.
LET THE SUCKERS
DO ALL THE HARD WORK, RIGHT?
UHYEAH. MM.
YOU KNOW, JOAQUIN,
WE'RE EXACTLY THE SAME.
WE'RE SELFISH.SELFISH? I'M NOT --
WE DON'T HAVE EMOTIONAL TIES
TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.
THAT'S NOT
THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE REASONS
WHY WE'RE SO GREAT.
ANOTHER ONE BEING WE CARE
SO MUCH ABOUT OUR APPEARANCE
THAT WE BOTHER
TO KEEP IT UP.
AM I RIGHT, JOAQUIN?
[ AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOAQUIN?
[ ALL SCREAMING ]
Man: GO!
GO, GO!
Man #2: AAH! AAH!
KEEP GOING! GO!
I'M SO GLAD
I FOUND YOU GUYS.
I WAS STUCK WITH THIS OLD GUY
WHO WAS JUST SITTING AROUND,
WASTING HIS LIFE AWAY
DOING NOTHING, NOT LIKE THIS.
YEAH,
THE TRACK TEAM JUST RAN BY,
AND WE JUMPED OUT, PRETENDING
TO BE MAN-EATING BUSHES.
[ LAUGHS ]
LET'S HOPE PRINCIPAL STORMS
HAS EXTRA MONEY IN THE BUDGE
FOR NEW TRACK PANTS.
[ LAUGHS ]
I'M TALKING ABOUT POOP.
Boy: YEAH, POOP.
WHOO!
HUNH! HUNH!
FOR SOME REASON,
I'M FINDING THAT AMUSING
INSTEAD OF HILARIOUS.
THAT'S OKAY.
AFTERWARDS, ME AND THEM
WERE THINKING ABOU
GOING OVER TO BAER'S
AND SITTING DOWN AND TALKING
ABOUT WHAT WE JUST DID.
EVEN THOUGH
WE WERE ALL JUST DOING IT?
YEAH.
HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE PLAY
"IS IT DRY YET?"
THE HOME VERSION?
YOU SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES
FOR YOUR EYEBALLS TO DRY OUT.
IT'S LIKE A --
LIKE A STARING CONTEST,
BUT EXTREME.
HUGE IN BELGIUM.
BUT WE NEED A FOURTH.
JOAQUIN?
JOAQUIN?
Evil Bard:
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
BLAST HIM, WYATT!
I CAN'T!
IF I HI
ONE OF THOSE BOMB-BOMBS,
IT COULD LEVEL
THE WHOLE TOWN!
NEVERFAIL,
YOU CAN'T STOP ME ♪
I GOT THE BOOTY BOX
GONNA BLOW UP EVERYBODY
BEING EVIL TOTALLY ROCKS
Joaquin: GUYS!
[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
I WAN
TO BE A PART OF NEVERFAIL
OH! OVER HERE.
I'VE STILL GO
THE BOOTY BOX.
IF YOU'LL STILL HAVE ME.
UH, HELLO?
NEVERFAIL
DOESN'T TAKE SUMMERS OFF.
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO HEAR
ABOUT EXTREME EYEBALL DRYING.
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS --
WANT TO KNOW --
BUT
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE ALLARE.
[ SIGHS ]
AWW!AWW!
AWW!
COME HERE, JOAQUIN!
[ LAUGHTER ]
WAIT, WAIT.
WHERE DID HE --
[ EVIL BARD LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
NICE TRY, NEVERFAIL
[ BOTH SCREAM ]LET GO OF ME.
BUT I GOT TO BAIL
All: OH!
LET ME WALK AWAY
AND THE KID
WILL LIVE ANOTHER DAY ♪
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
WE'RE GONNA WATCH A SHOW.
HEY, GUY, IF YOU'RE GONNA
WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE TOWN,
YOU'RE GONNA NEED
THE VILLAGE VAPORIZER.
[ LAUGHS ]
AH!
[ WHIRRING ]
YOU'LL ALSO
NEED THE FAMILY TREE AXE.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
OW! AH-OW, OW!
WHOO! WHOO!
UH,
WHATEVER THIS THING IS.
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
OH!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
LYLE, NOW!
FEDERALIS EXPRESSICUS!
[ WHIRS ]
THANK YOU, DAVENTRY HILLS!
[ Muffled ] GOOD NIGHT!
All: YEAH!
UHN!
ALL RIGHT,
GET ME OUT OF THIS BOX.
[ ALL GROAN ]
QUICK, LIFT UP THE CRATE,
AND I'LL BARD HIM!
OH, YOU CAN'T.
YOU CAN'T.
I CAN.
I'VE GOTTEN REALLY GOOD
AT THIS.
NO, I MEAN,
WE CAN'T BARD HIM LIKE THIS.
WE HAVE TO TAKE HIM BACK TO H.Q.
AND SEPARATE THE TWO ELEMENTS
BEFORE WE PUT THEM
BACK INTO THE GAME.
OH.
I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
IF WE SEND HIM BACK LIKE THIS,
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT KIND OF HAVOC
HE'LL WREAK IN THE GAME.
JOAQUIN,
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT.
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME!
YEAH!
OHH!
OH, PLEASE PUT ME DOWN,
AND
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA NEED
TO RETHINK
THIS WHOLE
CATCHPHRASE THING.
All: WAR HAMMER TIME!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
OH!
WAR HAMMER TIME!
MM.
NOW, THAT'S A LUTE.
WELL, HE'S ALMOST BACK
TO HIS OLD GREEN SELF.
YEAH.
Lyle: WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
[ GRUNTING ]
IT'S WAR HAMMER TIME.
HERE WE GO.
STRETCH IT, STRETCH IT,
STRETCH IT, GO.
3, 2, 1.
HEY!
OKAY. OKAY.ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
SO
SO
WELL, THOSE GUYS TRIED
TO SELL ME ON WHAT THEYTHOUGH
WERE THE BEST PARTS
OF NEVERFAIL, BUT
WAIT! WHOA!
BUT YOUNEVER TOLD ME
YOURFAVORITE PART.
NO, NO, NO!WELL
[ CRASHING ]OHH!
GUYS!
I SAID I WOULD BE OU
IN A MINUTE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MM.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART.
THESE NERDS
ARE MY BEST FRIENDS.
WHY WOULDN'T I WAN
TO HANG OUT WITH MY BEST FRIENDS
ALL THE TIME?
[ GASPS ] PLUS
I GET TO PUNCH THINGS.
WHOA!
[ BELL DINGS ]
OH!
WHOO!
[ BOTH CHEERING ]
GOOD, HUH?
FEEL GOOD?
Dante and Lyle: 3, 2, 1!
YES!
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!