The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e13 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group must
Somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
The ironing's all put away,
and I fixed the knees
on Greg's blue jeans.
Alice, your day off started hours ago.
Oh, I just put a patch on the patch.
You'll all have to struggle along
without me until tomorrow.
CAROL: Give our best to your aunt.
ALICE: I will.
Alice, what happened?
Oh, no. My new coat.
It's ruined!
MARCIA: It's ink.
( laughing )
Well, Jan, I don't think
this is anything to laugh about.
( Continues laughing )
It's only a plastic ink spot.
Oh, thank goodness.
Jan, you and your jokes.
Didn't you think it was funny, Alice?
Oh, sure, sure.
Lucky I've got a strong heart.
Good-bye, all.
CAROL: Good-bye, Alice.
Have a nice day.
Bye.
Jan, that just shows
how immature you are.
Oh, really?
( Screams )
What is the matter?
A spider!
( laughs )
What's so funny?
You are.
It's a fake.
Plastic.
This came in my box of jokes, too.
I wasn't scared.
I'll bet.
( Squeals )
Jan, now stop that.
Listen, Jan, everybody likes a good gag,
but some practical jokes
just aren't funny.
One day, you'll cause someone
some trouble
real trouble.
PETER: How come they
let you bring him home?
He's my science project.
I have to teach him
to run that maze by Monday.
What do you call him?
Muridae mus musculus.
He looks just like a mouse to me.
GREG: That's his
scientific name, dummy.
His real name is Myron.
Can I hold Myron?
Please, Greg, just for
a couple of minutes.
Sure.
Be careful.
Okay. Be right back.
Guess who Greg's got
helping him in science.
Who?
Myron!
( Both scream )
BOTH: Jan!
( Screaming continues )
Mom!
What is the matter?
Look. Jan's up to her tricks again,
and this one's alive.
Jan, this time you've gone too far.
Now, where did you get that that thing?
It's not a thing, Mom.
It's a muridae mus musculus.
It's icky.
We won't live with that in this house!
CINDY: No, get it out!
Make him, Mom.
Look, Greg, I'm with them.
You can't keep your muridae m m
whatever thing around here.
I'm sorry.
I like Myron.
You're weird.
( Tiger barks )
See? Tiger doesn't like him either.
Now, there's an intelligent animal.
Myron is harmless, Mom, really.
And he's cute.
CINDY: Ugly!
MARCIA: Make him take it away.
CAROL: I don't want to seem unfair
even to mice, but
What's the trouble?
It's him my science
project over the weekend.
I have to train him.
Oh, and you girls are
making a little fuss. Is that it?
Not a little. A lot.
That's not fair to Greg, is it?
Well, what about us girls?
I remember about 14 girls in this house
for a slumber party,
and that wasn't easy on the boys.
That's right, girls.
How about a compromise here?
Let him keep his mouse and his project
out in the garage.
In the garage?
Well, that sounds like a pretty good idea.
What do you say, girls?
Is it a deal?
Thanks.
See how a little thing
makes a boy happy?
Well, I wish the little thing
didn't have beady eyes and a long tail.
Okay, Greg, stick in the cheese.
Yeah. Now, you ready?
Just a minute.
Okay, get him set
so he knows which way to go and
they're at the gate go!
Go, Myron.
Come on, Myron.
Come on, boy.
He's lost interest.
( Blows )
Go, Myron.
Go, Myron. Go, fella.
Come on, Myron. Go! You can do it.
There's the door. Take a left.
He's not doing so well.
I wonder if it's because
he's not so intelligent.
Greg, I think it's because
he's not too hungry.
Tomorrow, I won't let Peter
and Bobby feed him so much.
Maybe we'll have more luck.
Oh, I won't be able to help you tomorrow.
I've got to go
to one of those Saturday
breakfast meetings.
I'll help you, Greg.
Okay.
Don't forget to turn out the lights.
Gotcha. Good night, Dad.
It's mean of Marcia and Cindy
to make you keep him out here all night.
It's okay, Jan.
He'll be perfectly safe out here.
Let's go.
Good night, Myron.
Good night, Myron.
Hey!
What's the matter?
It's the middle of the night.
I just remembered
the neighbor's cat, Guinevere.
Hey, yeah.
Myron's out in the garage.
She could get to him.
And that's her favorite meal.
Myron's a goner.
GREG: He's okay.
BOBBY: Yeah, okay.
Don't worry, Myron.
We're going to take you
right up to our room.
But Dad says you have to
keep him out of the house.
He didn't mean to leave him
out here to be eaten.
I guess not.
Okay.
I'm sure not going to get him
up in the middle of the night
just to remind him of Guinevere.
Me, neither.
We'll just keep Myron
in our room tonight,
and take him out in the morning
before anybody wakes up.
Sure. Myron will be safe then
because we'll be with him.
You guys think of everything.
Just don't make any noise
and wake anybody up.
Shh!
Hey!
What's the matter?
Myron's gone!
Are you kidding?
Gee, he is!
How could he have gotten out of there?
Maybe he watched
how you opened the cage.
We've got to find him
before Mom and Dad find out.
Suit up, quick.
PETER: Yeah, suit up, quick.
I bet Tom Tannenbaum could find him.
Who's Tom Tannenbaum?
He's in my class.
He always wins
when we have Easter egg hunts.
What you looking for?
I don't think it's up here.
Let's look downstairs.
Yeah, I bet he's downstairs.
It's downstairs.
Yeah, it's.
Well, if there's one thing I love,
it's giving up a dreary
Saturday morning golf game
for an invigorating business meeting.
I promised Marge I'd go downtown
and do some shopping with her.
There's a sale.
How do think these go with my outfit?
Well Oh, they don't.
CAROL: Well
How about these? Think they're better?
Well
Oh, but I don't think
they go with this bag.
Let me see
No, I think the straw one
would go better, don't you?
Well
You're absolutely right.
Hmm
Oh, but then I'll have to change my belt.
No, I think I'll just use this one, huh?
Oh, hi.
Hey, hi, Alice.
Where's Mrs. Brady?
There's a big sale on downtown.
What else would get
her out of the house
at this hour?
Hey, did you enjoy your day off?
Well, I took my aunt to the dentist,
and then to the hospital
to visit her neighbor.
Then we went home and played
mah-jongg until 10:00,
and then we went to bed.
It may not have been exciting
but, on the other hand, it sure was dull.
You didn't miss anything exciting
around here either.
See you later, Alice.
Bye, Mr. Brady.
What's up, fellows?
Dad!
Gee, Dad, where are you going so early?
Yeah, it's awful early.
I have a meeting.
What are you looking for?
Looking for? Us?
Were we looking for something?
Look, if it's private and you'd
rather not talk about it,
say, "Dad, there is something
we'd rather not talk about."
ALL: Dad, there's something
we'd rather not talk about.
Okay.
Wait a minute, Dad.
The truth is, we're looking for Myron.
Myron.
My mouse.
What would he be doing in here?
That's what we're trying to figure out.
Yeah, he got away.
Why are you looking
for Myron in the house?
Good question.
Yes, I thought so.
What's a good answer?
I brought him inside last night.
You did that after what you were told?
We only wanted to save him
from the neighbor's cat.
We planned to take him out
this morning. Honest.
We wouldn't wake you up
in the night to ask you.
Wasn't that nice of us?
Okay, okay, I guess I get the picture.
Where was Myron
when you last saw him?
In his cage in our room
when we went back to sleep.
The cage is still there
But Myron isn't.
You better find Myron
before your mother gets home,
and that's an order.
I hope we can, Dad.
You better.
I got to go.
GREG: So long.
PETER: Yeah.
( Sighs )
We've searched upstairs
and we've searched downstairs.
The attic!
Sometimes mice go up there.
That's where I'd go if I were a mouse.
Okay, let's look.
( Humming "Pop Goes the Weasel" )
( Screams )
( Screaming )
( Screaming )
What's the matter?
What happened, Alice?
Oh, it's nothing.
I was getting a clean spot
up here on the ceiling,
and I almost slipped.
Golly, she even cleans ceilings.
We've got to keep things
tidy around here.
You better be careful.
Zap-it Exterminator Company?
This is the Brady residence.
You did a termite inspection
for us a while back,
and now we've got another
problem mice.
Do you suppose you could
have somebody come out here
in the next hour?
We've got a household
full of children and women
that are scared to death of mice
particularly the one that's talking to you.
Oh, thank you. Good.
Yes, I'll be waiting
sitting right up here.
Well, that's it, ma'am.
That's all you have to do
just squirt under the house?
This is powerful stuff.
He's got to be someplace.
But, gee, if he's not in the house
or in the attic
Maybe he's under it.
Yeah, under it.
My compliments
to the Zap-it Exterminator Company.
You sure came fast.
We know how you ladies feel
about these things.
Bye, now.
Bye, boys.
Hey, how about some milk?
Alice?
What was that exterminator doing here?
I just thought I'd have him spray.
You never know what's under a house.
Under a house?
Well, now, don't get upset.
It's nothing terrible just mice.
Mice?
Well, mouse
but I'm sure he had friends.
What did he look like?
If you insist on the repulsive details,
he was white, about that long,
and about that yech!
Myron. Myron.
Myron.
Myron?
He was my science project.
His name was Myron.
His name was Myron?
I'm a murderess.
Greg, I think
you're going to be mad at me
for what I'm going to say,
but it will make you very happy.
What do you mean?
Myron wasn't exterminated.
He's in a hamper upstairs in our room.
He is?
Who put him up there?
I did.
Come on.
I'll show you.
Oh, boy! Let's go get him.
I took him out of his cage
in your room last night
just to play a joke.
Okay, okay, let's see Myron.
Okay, he's right here where I
All I see is a big hole.
Me, too.
Oh, no he must have
gnawed his way out.
Well, I haven't seen such sad faces
since the last day of summer vacation.
What's the matter?
Myron's gone.
What happened?
He's been exterminated.
Rubbed out.
Oh, Greg, I'm sorry.
When did it happen?
It doesn't matter now.
( Tiger howling )
Even Tiger's sad about it.
I'm really sorry.
( Tiger howling )
Hello, Alice.
Hello, Mrs. Brady.
Myron?
What happened?
Well, I did it to him.
I had no idea he was
Greg's science project,
and I called the exterminator.
I saw that little pink nose twitching at me,
and I panicked.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
I heard about Myron.
Oh, Mom
it's all my fault.
I was playing one of those dumb jokes.
That's how Myron got away, and now
Oh, honey.
I'll never do it again.
I'll never play another joke
as long as I live.
Oh, well, we know you didn't mean it.
Shh!
Hi.
We're in mourning.
Yeah, Greg told me.
( Tiger howling )
What's the matter with Tiger?
( Howling continues )
Something's bothering him, all right.
( Howling )
Well, we all miss Myron,
but it's hard to believe.
Tiger's this upset.
Tiger was scared of Myron.
( Whining )
Aha!
I think it's mutual.
What do you mean, Dad?
Take a look.
GREG: Oh, it's Myron.
Oh
cute.
( All fawning )
He was too smart
for the exterminator.
May I hold him, Greg, please?
Well, okay, if you promise
not to drop him
in any more clothes hampers.
Oh, he's so cute.
Isn't he darling?
( All fawning )
Looks like the girls
had a change of heart about Myron.
Well, why not?
I mean, did you ever see anything
as gorgeous as this little guy
with the beady eyes and the long tail?
Oh, Greg, quick.
It's sure a lot easier
to peel a banana than it is a potato.
You're right.
Some night we might even try
french-fried bananas.
Any more towels for the laundry?
Oh, Alice, your uniform.
You've got an ink stain.
Oh, you just couldn't resist
playing one more trick, could you?
Alice, I didn't
That looks really real,
but you can't fool me.
I know how to take care
of ink spots like this
Like you said, Mrs. Brady
there's an ink spot on my uniform.
She thought I did it.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I didn't.