The Troop (2009) s02e13 Episode Script

Anti-gravity kit,
did it in sixth grade.
Chemical laser,
cute.
Oh, baking soda volcano
without irony.
Good for you, Sheldon.
Sizing up the competition?
Please Jake,
now that Felix is away, nothing
can stop me from winning
the Lakewood Science Expo.
It will be bitter sweet.
Sweet in that I will be declared
the genius that I am.
Bitter in that second place
receives a coupon
for free blueberry pancakes
at Dr. Tesla's Laboratory
of Breakfast.
The syrup really drowns out
the taste of defeat.
I just don't get science.
I give you this year's
Science Fair Winner,
the "Skunk Butt."
Maybe I do get science.
I will replicate the chemical
reaction in a skunk
that creates its odiferous
defense mechanism.
You mean stink spray?
Yeah, that.
This experiment
has everything:
chemistry, biology and universal
comedy appeal of butts.
Methylbutanethiol?
Isn't this a dangerous
chemical?
Yes! Very dangerous?
I'm proud of you
for knowing that, Jake.
I admit that the skull and
cross bones and the words:
"Dangerous Chemical"
gave me a clue.
The key to handling this
is precision.
Oh, hey,
that reminds me!
These three guys were at
the Five One Five Diner
Five.
on Seventh around Nine.
They each had a Number Four
Four
and a Number twelve.
Twelve
I couldn't believe
how much they ate!
Nine, ten, eleven
It's gonna blow!
Awesome!
No! It's very bad.
I don't know how something so
beautiful as a skunk's butt
exploding could go
so horribly wrong.
Fire in the hole!!
Ahhhhh!!!!!
What the?
Oh. that's just nasty.
[coughs]
Well, I'm glad I didn't go
with my first choice:
nucleared power shark.
[coughs]
[small growl]
You're lucky to get this
after the performance
you turned in.
What kind of tiger
are you?
[small growl]
[growls]
Etienne, what you did
was totally irresponsible
and unacceptable!
You cannot be mixing volatile
chemicals around the students!
It is way too dangerous
for everyone!
I'm sorry, Mr. Stockley.
I feel like a failure.
Don't be sorry.
It's a brilliant experiment.
Principal Nuss expects
me to discipline you,
but I can't help but
appreciate your genius.
I'm not a genius.
This is the last straw!
You are on my list
young man
and you do not want
to be on my list!!
You just passed
the four kids
that toilet-papered
my house last weekend.
One more stunt like this
and you'll be suspended,
No, not really,
I wouldn't suspend you.
You're my best student.
That's crazy.
I don't know
what happened!
I was careless or maybe
I'm just losing my edge.
I peaked too early.
That's ridiculous,
young man!
You're a wonderful student
and a fine person!
I mean, I would like
to say that but I can't.
Now, get out of
my sight!
What up, Stockley?
Yeah, mom
Stop worrying, please.
Have fun on your trip.
Bye.
Whatever did this
seems to be long gone.
My mom feels guilty leaving me
alone for a day and a half
while she goes for her annual
laser-hair removal treatment.
Day and a half?
Is she that hairy?
You know that picture
of her in a sweater
above the fireplace?
Uh-huh.
It's not a sweater.
Okay, let's get to work.
What do we know?
A giant tiger stands on this,
plays on it all day,
barely a scratch.
So whatever took
a bite out of it
is a lot tougher
than a tiger.
Also, scorch marks.
Fire breather. Nice.
Hey!!!
[cracks whip]
What are you kids
doing here?
Carnie, good,
maybe he can help.
Carnie?!
Carnies are toothless grifters
who smell like
funnel cakes and jail.
I'm a tent monkey.
Pardon?
Circus people, a far cry from
freaks and bearded ladies.
Don't talk about her Mom
like that!
Jake, she's not
a bearded lady, okay?
It's more of a back
hair problem.
So, what happened here?
I was in my weekly clown
meeting when I heard a noise,
and ran out and saw
everything on fire
and our tiger,
Stripey 47, missing.
Now, you kids better
get out of here.
It's not safe.
I gotta go paint stripes
on Stripey's understudy.
[donkey sounds]
Hee-haw!
Okay, Daisy, let's get
this over with
Hey, look over here.
Oh no.
We've got a Doom Hound.
Doom Hound?
That's great!
Great?
These things have thick
armor, huge jaws
and breathe fire.
Hound equals dog,
and dogs love me!
You wanna know why?
I don't know. Why?
Because I'll throw the stick
as many times as they want,
and I never fake
the throw.
Dogs hate it when you fake
the throw.
Good. Now, we've got
the "throw stick plan."
We still need a Plan B.
[bell ringing]
Oh sorry, Etienne,
that's reserved.
For who?
Someone who didn't
blow us up!
It was an accident!
You're still not sitting
with the league of
extraordinary students.
You mean the nerd table?
Yes, this is our table
and we say
who comes and goes
around here.
All of you, beat it.
Not you.
Are you going
to hurt me?
Gulp.
You know you said "gulp"
but you didn't
actually gulp, right?
Mouth too dry.
You scared the saliva
right out of it.
Please, put this on so I can
stand to look at you.
Whoa, this is nice.
What's that smell?
Coolness.
Get used to it.
And the guy I took it
from seriously loved onions.
Have a seat.
You're gonna be
my new project.
I'll get someone
smart to talk to
and you get someone
to boss you around.
Win, win.
I don't know
You're going
to do it, Etienne.
Not because it's fun,
even though it is.
And not because it's good for
you, even though it will be.
You're going to do it
because I want you to do it.
So, let me get
this straight:
We're officially
hanging out?
No, we're hanging out.
But not--
"hanging out".
So, we're chillin?
Maybe one day,
we'll hang out?
We'll see.
So Jake, just chillin'
with Cadence.
Hey, Cadence.
Etienne.
Jake, we really
don't have time to talk,
we've got important
Mime Club business.
Right.
You two are hanging out?
We'll see.
Potentially.
But I thought we were
potentially hanging out.
I didn't get any potential
phone calls to hang out,
so I guess not.
Want to go
spit on stuff?
Always.
Well, that hurls.
I know, since Felix went off
to International,
we need someone
with his science skills
to help hunt the Doom Hound.
No wayhim?!
You're forgetting
our secret weapon.
The differential
Atomizer Ray?
No!
The fact that dogs love me!
I know you think it's crazy,
but it's totally gonna work.
I just have to get a really
big squeaky toy.
Come on.
Carnies!
[growls]
Alright, you want it.
[growls]
Whoa!!!
[screams]
Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!
[roars]
We're potentially
hanging out.
This is my crew; TBD,
Angry Dude and Giggles.
How you doing, giggles?
You must be hilarious
once you get going.
I used to deliver
that magazine.
Big mistake.
Gulp.
I'm telling you, your Mom
wants you to have a party.
Why else would she
leave you home alone?
Because she trusts me,
okay?
And maybe she wants to see
if I'm mature enough.
Errr.
They yell at you for the police
coming and the lawyer bills
and the water damage,
but inside they're happy
you're partying.
You just want me
to have a party
so you can
invite Cadence, aargh!
What are you
talking about?
We're not hanging
out anymore.
Besides, she's potentially
hanging with Etienne now,
which is fine.
You're totally jealous!
No, I've thought
about this all day
and I realized
I don't care.
Yeah, whatever.
Look we need to
focus on getting
the doom hound, okay?
So focus.
Here boy!
Come on out and play.
[squeaky sounds]
Jake, it's not that
kind of dog.
It got in a fight with a cat
and chewed a ball
that sounds like
a dog to me.
Jake
Jake, would a dog
do this?
[loud roars]
Who's a big boy?
Who wants a squeaky toy?
[loud roars]
[laser fire]
It's a tough dog!
It's a not a dog,
it's a monster!
[loud roars]
[snarls and growls]
I didn't want to
have to do this,
You want the stick, boy?
You want it?
Get the stick, boy!
See?
They hate it when
you fake the throw!
You guys have to go
back out there
and get this thing
right away.
It's territorial and
will attack again.
Now, the Doom Hound
has thick armor
and shrugs
off most weapons,
but it does have
a weakness.
It's one of the few monsters
that can be condensed
into a safe form.
Cool, so we just
Cadence it.
Condense.
Uh-huh.
You said "Cadence."
No, I didn't.
I don't think
about Cadence at all.
Or Etienne hanging out
with her.
Not one bit.
Yeah, we get it.
You spend a ton of time
not thinking about Cadence.
So, compressing
the Doom Hound:
You'll need this.
Jake's in charge
of the Compressor.
Why me?
Because I called it.
Jake, she called it.
Move on.
Fine. I'm in charge.
Once you've compressed
the Doom Hound,
you can't leave it alone
ever.
It'll wiggle right out of
its bonds and be very mad.
Now, I see why
she called it.
You like that jacket.
I really do.
I don't know if it's because
I look so good in it
or because you gave it
to me.
Wow, that's
kind of charming.
But, you've seen
my crew,
so the bar's pretty
low for charming.
Just trying to work
my way from "chillin"
to "hanging out."
Want to see how I got it?
Okay.
Hi.
Give me your jacket.
Jacket! Now!!
Wow!
That was-- well,
illegal and very wrong,
but also pretty exciting!
Thanks.
Those guys held me upside down
in sixth grade so many times
my nickname was
The Bat!
That and I hadn't grown
into my ears yet.
Right. Whatever.
Now you try.
Me?
You want me to do that?
Go.
Hey, guys.
I'm going to need to borrow that
jacket for a quick sec.
Ahhh!!!
You're more of a challenge
than I thought.
No challenge here.
I'm a tough guy,
a loose cannon.
Hey, I'm bleeding.
Tough guys bleed!
That's how we
Jake, how are you doing?
Almost there!
Now, Hayley!
Throw the ring!
You're not so tough now,
are you?
[whimpering]
I can't stay mad at him.
We have to keep him
in hand at all times,
or else he's gonna try to
wriggle out of his sweater.
So you're in charge.
What?! No!
I called it.
That's not fair!
Jake, it's Mr. Stockley.
Hayley called it.
Move on.
Oh, man!
A tiny dog in a sweater.
Isn't there some high-tech
gizmo we can use
to man it up a bit?
The doom hound extra strength
from direct sunlight,
so
That helps.
He's so lost.
Happens to me all
the time.
To be fair, all the lockers
look the same.
I mean, pretending to be
a tough guy.
Poor Etienne.
Yeah, whatever.
We've got to get him
away from Cadence.
Great idea.
For his own good!
So babe, honey,
Lauren.
We need to talk.
Can't talk now.
I'm late for breaking
some rules.
[whimpering]
Having a dog as an
accessory is so last year.
Just so you know, this happens
to be a really tough dog.
Excuse me.
Etienne, you're not
a bully, okay.
You're a genius.
I was a genius.
Now I don't know what
I am anymore.
But Cadence is helping me
figure that out.
And, come on, how cool
do we look together?
Anyone would look
cool with Cadence,
but that's not
the point.
She's dragging you down.
You're the best scientist
I've ever seen!
Right.
Fill in the blank:
"Albert Blank-stein."
Frankenstein had
a first name?
I thought he was
just "Monster."
See? Being the best scientist
you know
isn't really that bit
of an honor.
The Etienne you knew
is gone.
I'm a tough guy,
a ruffian!
Real ruffians don't
say "ruffian."
You just need a friend
to talk to.
My Mom's going out of town:
We can clean closets,
bake cookies
and talk about
your crisis.
Cookies?
Tough guys eat cookies,
Etienne.
Think about it.
[bell ringing]
Hey, I'm a tough guy!
I like cookies!
[whimpering]
Well, well, well.
Look who's been abandoned
by his Neanderthal friends.
Where are they, Etienne?
Diggin' up bones
to gnaw on?
Just me today, fellas.
Enjoy your tater tots.
Oh, we will.
[laughter]
Ha! You didn't get me,
did you smart guy?
[laughter]
Yes!
Etienne!
You nailed it, dude!
Oh, it was just
simple chemistry.
The combination
of chemicals and--
I knew if I let you do it
your way, you'd come through.
That was amazing.
Welcome to the crew.
[cheering]
Guys, guys, guys.
Let's celebrate!
Do something totally crazy,
steal golf carts
and drive them
into a pond.
Or go to the mall and throw
detergent into the fountain.
Let's mess something up!!
Great! Yeah!!
Oh no, I can't!
Hayley's mom is out of town
and she invited me to come over
and bake cookies
and then--
Throw them at the police.
Home alone?!
What?
No, no, no, no.
Party at Hayley's!
[cheers]
No, no, no, no
You guys, wait.
[doorbell]
Hey.
Hey, Etienne.
I'm so glad you came!
Come on in.
I'm a little less glad.
You're never going to--
What's going on?
Yeah, these're some
kids who wanted--
--to party in a house
without parents!
Etienne said it'd be cool.
Did he?
It doesn't matter who said
what to who, does it?
Actually, it kinda does
and you know why,
My mom didn't give me
permission to have a party.
Get off the couch!
You're not having
a party, princess, I am.
And we already texted a
lot of kids, so it's on.
Where do you keep
your trampoline?
My trampoline?
Coming through.
Sorry, sorry.
They break it, You buy it.
Got it? Good!
And for the record,
I never invited---
Yahhhhh!!!!
Hello?
Hayley? Etienne?
So I just happen to be
in the neighborhood
with this cookie dough, on
the off chance you guys were
You guys better stop
bouncing on the couch!
Seriously get off!
Etienne, you better do
something about this!!!
Someone forgot to tell me
they were having a party.
Jake, it's not
a party, okay!
It's an invasion!
Help me get these people
out of my house.
No offense, but it was
a mistake to invite them
in the first place.
Invite them?
I didn't invite them,
though!
Well, here they are
and so am I.
None of us invited.
Explain that.
Oh, Jake!
Did you make a little sweater
for your friend?
I'm secure enough to hold a
tiny dog in a tiny sweater,
with a parasol
Okay, I'm starting
to feel insecure.
No, don't!
I'm not going to hurt
your little dog, Jake.
You guys, let's just leave
the dog alone, okay?
Help me out.
Say something.
For all the fun times
we've shared?
Nothing?
Don't!
Give me that!
What are you doing?
Give it back!!!
Cadence no!!!!!
[loud roar]
Ahh!!!!
Uh oh.
This is going to be bad.
[load roars]
[load roars]
Closet now!!!!
Yeah!!
Go, go, go!!!!!
What is that thing?!
I told you it was
a tough dog.
You really want to get
into that now?
Who are you people?
We're ordinary teenagers.
Do you keep a blaster
in the house?
A blaster?!
No, no, no.
Jake, we are not using
a blaster in my house!
[loud roars]
Yeah, that might
mess it up.
No weapons and a dangerous
beast running around.
We need an inventor fast!
Sorry, guys,
that's not me anymore.
You made one mistake,
get over it!
Do you know how many times
I've gotten stuck
in a revolving door?
Listen Etienne,
you're a scientist.
Even when you were
being a tough guy
and blew up
the ketchup bottles,
you were using science.
You were mixing
the right chemicals.
You were writing out
the equations.
Chemicals!
Maybe I can
make something
All we need is the proper
deflagration
and decomposition
chemical materials,
with the appropriate
stability to--
We can blow it up!
Great!
Let's do that!
Hayley, I'm going to need
non-aerosol deodorant,
oven cleaner and two
different types of syrup.
Jake, find a mixing bowl
and a whisk.
Let's move people!
Today, today, today!!!!
[loud roars]
Okay, you get
one shot.
It's got to go
in his mouth.
Want to get the toy?
Want to play?
[loud roar]
[explosion]
Oh, no, no, no,
my house!
My house,
it's ruined!
You were awesome!
Where can I get one of those
exploding things?!
Maybe this is a good time
for us to go somewhere and
hang out?
Yeah, we're still
at chillin'.
Everybody, check
this out!!
Okay, everybody
nothing to see here.
Everybody out
the backnow.
Nothing to see here.
What am I doing here?
Wait, am I at a wild party?
Yes.
Awesome!
There's a lot of
cleaning up to do,
so I'm going to leave
you in charge of it.
No, no, no.
You're going to help
me clean!
Hayley, I called it,
move on.
What? No, no, no!!!!
It's Mr. Stockley.
Jake called it.
Move on.
Hayley! I'm back.
Oh, no!
Good luck!
Later!
You can't just leave me,
no, no, no!
Mom
Hayley!!
I'm so glad you
finally had a party.
You're grounded.