Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s02e13 Episode Script
Couple's Therapy
0
A message from
the Oil Turtle Charity Fund.
Hi. I'm Janeane Garofalo.
While the efforts to clean up our lakes and bodies of water have been noble
they've come at a cost.
If we continue to reduce the amount of oil dumping into our water supply
oil turtles will face extinction.
So send the Mayor a message.
Keep dumping your oil into our water.
Loud and clear, TV.
- Hello.
- Mayor's office.
- It's Tom Peters here.
- Hello, Tom.
Your complaint box was full
so I just wanted to drop this VHS off to you.
OK. Let me take a look.
All right. Well, as you can see here,
I think Jefferton Power messed up
and accidentally put one of
their electrical towers right on my property.
- Oh, no.
- Not a big deal, but
you know, we're getting some
sporadic yard fires from all the heat.
And not to mention some of my boys are developing some
you know, tumors on their head.
Well, everything looks fine to me, but
let me dial up my temporary assistant,
and I'll have her take a look at it.
Pardon me here.
Tom Peters' phone.
Yes. Joy, please.
Well, this is her husband's cell phone.
Husband? Joy's not married.
That doesn't sound right.
- She said she was single?
- Yeah. All the time.
- How do you know Joy?
- Well, she's my wife.
I see. It sounds like you two are having some pretty serious relationship problems.
Well, if I can be honest,
she has been bringing up
the whole divorce concept.
Right. You know, I've been having
my own problems with Joy.
You know, she is really hard to communicate with
and I just don't know how many chances
I have left, you know?
I try to make it work,
and I don't know what to do.
You know, Tom,
I think I may have a solution for you.
You heard of
Captain Pat's Couples Retreat?
I don't think so.
It's a 10-day cruise
right in the Jefferton man-made lake.
It's captained by Pat Lewellen,
and, as you know
he's probably the leading expert in these kind of relationship problems.
Well, it sounds great.
Plus there's a 24-hour Mexican American buffet.
And some wonderful oil turtle sightseeing.
I could look at our calendar and figure out
when the best time for us to
All aboard
They just look like dirty turtles to me.
I don't really know
what the big deal is.
That's not right.
Look at this.
I can see my house from here.
Darn it! Another yard fire.
What are those men doing in my house?
- Hey, sailor.
- Mayor, you spooked me.
I didn't know
you were gonna be on the cruise.
How you doing, Tom?
Where's your partner?
Well, Joy couldn't make it.
You know, she's kind of a landlubber.
Right.
Plus she had some stuff to do around the house.
Couples, please report to the main dining area for Couples' Orientation.
Come on, Tom.
Can't miss orientation.
- I'll meet you inside there.
- OK.
Tom Peters' phone.
Hey, Joy.
Heard you're gonna be alone tonight.
Hello.
Hello. Who's this?
Wrong number. Bye-bye.
First of all, welcome aboard, everybody.
Thank you for having the courage
to come on Captain Pat Lewellen's Fix-It Relationship Cruise.
And let's just start first of all with a big "ahoy".
Ahoy!
- Let's say it with feeling.
- Ahoy!
I don't know exactly what "ahoy" means
but it's the communication that matters.
That's the lesson there.
So why don't we go around the boat
and introduce ourselves?
Could we do that?
Hi. My name is the Mayor,
and I have a relationship problem.
My partner is Joy Peters,
and she's my temporary assistant.
Unfortunately, she's not here.
She had some other appointments
to attend to this weekend.
I'll probably be getting
in touch with her later tonight.
Yes. By the way,
nice to see you again, Mayor.
- You look fantastic.
- Thanks, Pat.
- And you, sir.
- Oh, me?
Well, my name is Tom Peters, and
I also have a relationship problem.
Tom is not the only one here with a relationship problem.
I've had twenty-one
relationship problems
eight of which have ended
in open and honest friendships
and that's why we're here.
Not in front of everyone.
You're OK.
All right. Well
And my partner is also Joy Peters.
She's the Mayor's temporary assistant,
but for these purposes, she's my wife.
- Ahoy.
- Ahoy!
Hi, Joy. Tom Peters here.
Hi, hon. Love you, miss you.
This is our first day on the cruise,
and I'm missing the heck out of you.
Kind of wondering
what some of those men are doing
going in and out
of our house all day.
But I won't pry. I'm here for us
and I'm committed to making it work,
and I hope you are, too.
- Hey, Tom.
- Mayor, you spooked me again.
I'm sorry, buddy. Listen, Tom.
Since we're both alone on this cruise
Pat thought it would be a good idea if we partner up.
He did? OK.
You know, I'm just a
Oh, man, Tom.
Sea air is making me real pooped.
Let's hit the sack.
We got a big day of exercises tomorrow.
Tom Peters' phone.
Hey, Joy.
I'm wearing my Mayor's hat again
and not much else.
Mayor, it's Tom Peters' phone.
Couples, please report to the main deck
for our morning exercises.
This exercise is called Passionate Whispers.
Everyone just turn to your partner
and tell them something erotic
without using words!
Now here's the key
in why I call it "whispers"
when I say, Passionate Whispers.
Just use sounds, OK?
Mayor, that's turning the whole boat on.
Tom, Tom.
Body painting
is not about painting a picture.
It's about just letting it go.
You're trying too hard.
You're making me feel
really handsome today.
I just want to thank you for that.
You know, I'm doing my best under the circumstances.
Captain Pat's getting a little hungry.
Let's take a Tex Mex break.
What the heck is going on in there?
Tom, come on.
We're missing the Trust Barrow.
OK. Left hand on "trust",
right hand on "growth".
- Hold it there, Tom.
- This hurts my arms.
- It'll be OK.
- The blood's going right to my
Do you have it?
Hold it steady, Tom.
- This is how we grow.
- Mayor, what are you doing?
- The Trust Barrow.
- What is the Trust Barrow?
It's just an exercise I developed
to help my partner flesh out
some of that emotional baggage.
Oh, my God!
What the heck is going on over there?
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
This can't be good for us.
Tom, it's cold outside.
Why don't you come back to bed?
No, Mayor, I can't. I can't sleep.
What's going on?
There's all these men going in my house,
and I haven't been able to talk to Joy.
I just feel
like this is such a bad idea.
We have nine days
to work all this out. Don't worry.
I don't know
if I can handle it, Mayor.
Pat was sure right about you, Tom.
What do you mean?
It's time for you to jump ship,
get back to your woman.
Man overboard.
Go on. Get! Turn on back, friends.
This is my fight!
What are you doing here?
Joy, what are these men
doing in my bed?!
I told you a thousand times!
These men are installing
a toilet in my bed!
Oh, Joy. I am I am so sorry.
I could have sworn there was some funny business going on in here.
What are those filthy turtles doing in my house?!
Friends, what are you doing in here?
I told you to wait outside.
How's the relationship going?
Well, you know,
we kind of took a step forward
and then a step backward.
Well, that's progress, you know.
Well, I think we both
I think everybody learned something.
You know How about you?
I agree, Tom.
What do you got there?
Well, it's my apology speech
I was gonna read.
- Great.
- I hope it clears the air.
I feel a little bit responsible for,
you know, what went down.
Yeah. You should.
Abso-lutely.
A message from
the Oil Turtle Charity Fund.
Hi. I'm Janeane Garofalo.
While the efforts to clean up our lakes and bodies of water have been noble
they've come at a cost.
If we continue to reduce the amount of oil dumping into our water supply
oil turtles will face extinction.
So send the Mayor a message.
Keep dumping your oil into our water.
Loud and clear, TV.
- Hello.
- Mayor's office.
- It's Tom Peters here.
- Hello, Tom.
Your complaint box was full
so I just wanted to drop this VHS off to you.
OK. Let me take a look.
All right. Well, as you can see here,
I think Jefferton Power messed up
and accidentally put one of
their electrical towers right on my property.
- Oh, no.
- Not a big deal, but
you know, we're getting some
sporadic yard fires from all the heat.
And not to mention some of my boys are developing some
you know, tumors on their head.
Well, everything looks fine to me, but
let me dial up my temporary assistant,
and I'll have her take a look at it.
Pardon me here.
Tom Peters' phone.
Yes. Joy, please.
Well, this is her husband's cell phone.
Husband? Joy's not married.
That doesn't sound right.
- She said she was single?
- Yeah. All the time.
- How do you know Joy?
- Well, she's my wife.
I see. It sounds like you two are having some pretty serious relationship problems.
Well, if I can be honest,
she has been bringing up
the whole divorce concept.
Right. You know, I've been having
my own problems with Joy.
You know, she is really hard to communicate with
and I just don't know how many chances
I have left, you know?
I try to make it work,
and I don't know what to do.
You know, Tom,
I think I may have a solution for you.
You heard of
Captain Pat's Couples Retreat?
I don't think so.
It's a 10-day cruise
right in the Jefferton man-made lake.
It's captained by Pat Lewellen,
and, as you know
he's probably the leading expert in these kind of relationship problems.
Well, it sounds great.
Plus there's a 24-hour Mexican American buffet.
And some wonderful oil turtle sightseeing.
I could look at our calendar and figure out
when the best time for us to
All aboard
They just look like dirty turtles to me.
I don't really know
what the big deal is.
That's not right.
Look at this.
I can see my house from here.
Darn it! Another yard fire.
What are those men doing in my house?
- Hey, sailor.
- Mayor, you spooked me.
I didn't know
you were gonna be on the cruise.
How you doing, Tom?
Where's your partner?
Well, Joy couldn't make it.
You know, she's kind of a landlubber.
Right.
Plus she had some stuff to do around the house.
Couples, please report to the main dining area for Couples' Orientation.
Come on, Tom.
Can't miss orientation.
- I'll meet you inside there.
- OK.
Tom Peters' phone.
Hey, Joy.
Heard you're gonna be alone tonight.
Hello.
Hello. Who's this?
Wrong number. Bye-bye.
First of all, welcome aboard, everybody.
Thank you for having the courage
to come on Captain Pat Lewellen's Fix-It Relationship Cruise.
And let's just start first of all with a big "ahoy".
Ahoy!
- Let's say it with feeling.
- Ahoy!
I don't know exactly what "ahoy" means
but it's the communication that matters.
That's the lesson there.
So why don't we go around the boat
and introduce ourselves?
Could we do that?
Hi. My name is the Mayor,
and I have a relationship problem.
My partner is Joy Peters,
and she's my temporary assistant.
Unfortunately, she's not here.
She had some other appointments
to attend to this weekend.
I'll probably be getting
in touch with her later tonight.
Yes. By the way,
nice to see you again, Mayor.
- You look fantastic.
- Thanks, Pat.
- And you, sir.
- Oh, me?
Well, my name is Tom Peters, and
I also have a relationship problem.
Tom is not the only one here with a relationship problem.
I've had twenty-one
relationship problems
eight of which have ended
in open and honest friendships
and that's why we're here.
Not in front of everyone.
You're OK.
All right. Well
And my partner is also Joy Peters.
She's the Mayor's temporary assistant,
but for these purposes, she's my wife.
- Ahoy.
- Ahoy!
Hi, Joy. Tom Peters here.
Hi, hon. Love you, miss you.
This is our first day on the cruise,
and I'm missing the heck out of you.
Kind of wondering
what some of those men are doing
going in and out
of our house all day.
But I won't pry. I'm here for us
and I'm committed to making it work,
and I hope you are, too.
- Hey, Tom.
- Mayor, you spooked me again.
I'm sorry, buddy. Listen, Tom.
Since we're both alone on this cruise
Pat thought it would be a good idea if we partner up.
He did? OK.
You know, I'm just a
Oh, man, Tom.
Sea air is making me real pooped.
Let's hit the sack.
We got a big day of exercises tomorrow.
Tom Peters' phone.
Hey, Joy.
I'm wearing my Mayor's hat again
and not much else.
Mayor, it's Tom Peters' phone.
Couples, please report to the main deck
for our morning exercises.
This exercise is called Passionate Whispers.
Everyone just turn to your partner
and tell them something erotic
without using words!
Now here's the key
in why I call it "whispers"
when I say, Passionate Whispers.
Just use sounds, OK?
Mayor, that's turning the whole boat on.
Tom, Tom.
Body painting
is not about painting a picture.
It's about just letting it go.
You're trying too hard.
You're making me feel
really handsome today.
I just want to thank you for that.
You know, I'm doing my best under the circumstances.
Captain Pat's getting a little hungry.
Let's take a Tex Mex break.
What the heck is going on in there?
Tom, come on.
We're missing the Trust Barrow.
OK. Left hand on "trust",
right hand on "growth".
- Hold it there, Tom.
- This hurts my arms.
- It'll be OK.
- The blood's going right to my
Do you have it?
Hold it steady, Tom.
- This is how we grow.
- Mayor, what are you doing?
- The Trust Barrow.
- What is the Trust Barrow?
It's just an exercise I developed
to help my partner flesh out
some of that emotional baggage.
Oh, my God!
What the heck is going on over there?
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
This can't be good for us.
Tom, it's cold outside.
Why don't you come back to bed?
No, Mayor, I can't. I can't sleep.
What's going on?
There's all these men going in my house,
and I haven't been able to talk to Joy.
I just feel
like this is such a bad idea.
We have nine days
to work all this out. Don't worry.
I don't know
if I can handle it, Mayor.
Pat was sure right about you, Tom.
What do you mean?
It's time for you to jump ship,
get back to your woman.
Man overboard.
Go on. Get! Turn on back, friends.
This is my fight!
What are you doing here?
Joy, what are these men
doing in my bed?!
I told you a thousand times!
These men are installing
a toilet in my bed!
Oh, Joy. I am I am so sorry.
I could have sworn there was some funny business going on in here.
What are those filthy turtles doing in my house?!
Friends, what are you doing in here?
I told you to wait outside.
How's the relationship going?
Well, you know,
we kind of took a step forward
and then a step backward.
Well, that's progress, you know.
Well, I think we both
I think everybody learned something.
You know How about you?
I agree, Tom.
What do you got there?
Well, it's my apology speech
I was gonna read.
- Great.
- I hope it clears the air.
I feel a little bit responsible for,
you know, what went down.
Yeah. You should.
Abso-lutely.