Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e14 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Hammering]
Hey, skipper!
Hey, skipper!
Gilligan, how do you
expect me to finish this raft
if you keep interrupting?
With all that hammering,
you're scaring the fish.
What's more important, catching fish
or finishing this raft so we'll be rescued?
Well, getting rescued, of course,
but couldn't you hammer
nice and soft and easy?
No, I can't hammer
nice and soft and easy.
I've got to hammer like this. Ohh
that was pretty soft, skipper.
Uhh!
You're scarin' the fish again.
Uhh, gilligan
Oh, what's the use?
Go catch some more fish.
I have to go get some more vines
to finish this raft anyway.
Okay, I'll catch something
real big for dinner.
You do that. Hmm.
[Sighs]
Oh! I got one.
Ooh, and it's a big one, too. Ooh.
Maybe it's a black marlin or a giant tuna.
Maybe it's Moby dick. Unh.
Huh?
It's a mine,
a great big mine.
Skipper! Hey, skipper, where are you?
Skipper, you gotta see this!
It's got and it kinda has
and and oh, boy. Uh, skipper!
Skipper! Skipper!
Skipper!
[Ticking]
Gilligan: Skipper! Hey, skipper!
Guess what I caught.
[Ticking]
Skipper! Hey, skipper!
Hey, skipper! Hey, hey
skipper, I finally caught
something really big.
Well, fine, gilligan.
Why don't you bring it to
the hut, and we'll cook it.
Yeah. Uh, cook it?
Skipper, we can't cook it.
You see, it's kinda shaped
like that, and it's got
oh, gilligan, we're in no
position to be particular.
Now, for goodness sakes,
just cut it in small pieces. Fillet it.
Not this.
Oh, gilligan, anything tastes good filleted.
You've got a knife, haven't ya?
Yeah. Well, use it.
But, skipper, my knife's
too small. Besides
gilligan, I'm busy.
Now, for goodness sakes,
will you just cut the tail off
and cut the head off and then bone it.
But, skipper, it doesn't have
any bones. It doesn't even have
gilligan, I'm busy, and I'm
working up an appetite here.
Now, whatever you caught, I'll eat it.
Okay, skipper. I sure hope
you have a strong stomach.
Yes, this should do very nicely.
Oh, come on, professor. When
are you gonna let us in on the secret?
There's no secret, ginger.
Oh, but the skipper's down at the lagoon
making what looks like a raft,
and you're up here making
what looks like a
Well, a secret.
Well, it's really very simple, girls.
I'm gonna melt some metal down
to make an anchor for the
raft the skipper's building.
We'll send it out with a message on it.
Oh, sort of a floating s.O.S.
Exactly. Ohh.
And the reason we need the anchor
is to keep the raft from drifting
once it gets into the shipping lanes.
Oh, but, professor,
an anchor doesn't just jump off of a raft.
Somebody has to push it off.
This timer will be attached to the anchor.
When enough sand has shifted
The anchor will drop into the ocean.
Oh well, just like an hourglass.
Oh, I was once voted miss hourglass.
They said I had my sand
in all the right places.
I won a loving cup.
I wish I had that loving cup right now.
We could use it to help make the anchor.
Well, how much more metal
do you need?
I have a locket you could use.
Every little bit helps.
Oh, we'll go look through our hut.
See ya later. Good, good.
Oh, hey, ginger. Hey, Mary Ann.
Ohh, oh, oh. Guess what I caught.
Was it the measles?
No. Guess again. The chickenpox.
No. I'll give you a hint.
It's bigger than a breadbox
and smaller than
the empire state building.
Gilligan, we can't be playing games now.
I've got to go get my gold-mesh
pocketbook for the professor.
And I have to give him
my gold slave bracelet.
For the professor?
Oh.
Oh, I'm marvelous.
Good for me!
[Grunts]
Oh! Oh, I'm better than you are.
Uhh! You, uh
Haven't been practicing in
secret, have you, my dear?
Well, how could I, darling?
You only taught me the
silly game this morning.
Well, I must be
a very good teacher, then.
Get set for a booming serve.
Well, isn't it my turn to
hit the poor little thing?
You missed the last one.
Ha ha, so it is.
In that case, get set
for a smashing return.
That is yours.
Your serve, poncho.
Hi, Mr. Howell. Guess what I found?
Uh! Uh uh
foul! I was distracted by a spectator. I
mmm.
Gilligan, gilligan, you're eating our bird.
Oh, maybe the poor boy's famished.
Maybe that's not the problem at all.
Maybe it's stuck there,
and he can't get it out.
Mmm! Thurston, you're right.
You're so right. I'll
just take a little tug at it.
There you are.
Ah.
Now, why did you interrupt me
when I was enjoying
such a staggering lead?
Staggering lead? Why,
thurston, I was the
lovey, never mind.
You were about to say, gilligan?
I found a mine!
A mine?
Did you say, "a mine"?
[Muffled]
Oh, thurston, let the poor boy talk.
Ah. Did you say, "a mine"?
Yeah, it's right over there.
Don't point! Someone might see you.
Besides, it's not polite.
Pay attention. You haven't
told anyone else, have you?
I tried to, but they wouldn't listen.
Heh! Good. Good.
Then it's our little secret.
Okay, but why are we whispering?
Because we don't want anyone
to jump our claim.
Our claim?!
Don't! You can't trust anyone.
We're partners, my boy. 50-50.
50-50? I don't know
what to do with my half.
Don't worry. I'll take care of your half.
Oh, gilligan, you're going to be rich.
I am? It might be a diamond mine
or an emerald mine.
I think it's an iron mine.
Or a gold and silver mine.
I think it's an iron mine.
Or it might be a Jade mine.
Or a platinum mine.
I think it's an iron mine.
Well, even an iron mine
is valuable. Come, lovey.
We'll draw up the papers
for our new partner gilligan.
Uh
mmm
Mmm
Oh, I guess they can melt
down this fingernail file.
Ooh, here's an empty lipstick holder.
Gee, there were a lot
of good kisses in there.
Here's a gold slave bracelet
an old boyfriend in high school gave me.
Oh, how can you bear to part with it?
Doesn't it do something to you?
Yeah it turns my wrist green.
Well, I guess that's all for me.
I better go check on gilligan.
The professor asked me to.
Ooh! Ooh, look, Mary Ann.
What?
A framed picture of
my favorite movie star.
Really? Who is it?
Me.
I'm adorable.
Gilligan, what were you
able to find for the professor?
Oh, my collection of yogi bear bottle tops
and my chromium yo-yo
and the wheels off my skateboard.
Oh, and that's all?
Yup, that's it. No more metal?
Positive. I swear it upon my solid-steel
4-leaf clover lucky charm.
See?
Alright, gilligan, hand it over.
Never.
Gilligan, the professor said
that any metal
that wasn't absolutely
necessary had to be turned in.
Oh, this is absolutely necessary.
For what?
For luck. If we didn't have it,
we'd be in terrible trouble,
'cause it's the only thing
that saves us from it.
From what?
Oh, for instance, from
frostbite, for instance.
Gilligan, we're living in the tropics.
There has never been a case of frostbite.
See how good it works?
For the last time, hand it over.
You'll have to fight me for it.
Oh
Gilligan, look into my eyes.
Now what do you see?
Oh, all I can see is a little black thing
in the middle of a little green thing
in the middle of a white thing.
Gilligan, don't you realize that the eyes
are the mirror of the soul?
Hey, you're right.
I can see myself.
And can you see yourself giving
me the metal good luck charm?
Nope.
Gilligan, can't you see yourself making
the supreme sacrifice for your friends?
All I can see is you trying to talk
me out of my good luck charm,
which you will never do.
Never?
Never.
Never?
Absolutely, positively, cross my heart,
hope to turn into a donkey if you do.
Oh. Well, isn't there anything I could say
that could make you change your mind?
Nope.
Not even if I hug you Like this?
Even if you tickled me.
You sure are a hard man
to convince, gilligan.
You bet I am.
Oh, well
I guess I just don't have what it takes.
You also don't have
what you took, either.
Oh, gilligan, you're impossible.
I'm afraid there isn't enough
metal here for an anchor.
Well, I don't know where we're
gonna find any more, professor.
Well, if I could convert this money
into gold and sort of melt it down
I know where there's an iron mine. Shh!
Gilligan, these islands are formed
of coral and volcanic lava.
There are no iron mines on any of them.
There's one here on this island.
Ooh.
Alright, gilligan. We'll take a look
at your iron mine just to shut you up.
Tattletale. It was to be our secret.
Okay, Mr. Howell, okay.
I'll just give my half to them.
His half to them?
Well, I had first choice on halvsies!
That's not fair!
Now, what is this, gilligan,
an underwater iron mine?
No, I managed to get it ashore.
Well, gilligan, we can't waste all day.
Where is this mine?
Over there by that rock, see?
[Ticking]
Gilligan, you cheated me.
That's no mine. It's an
overgrown pincushion.
Well, it's a world war ii mine.
I told ya. I told ya.
Oh, it's been a long time since
I've seen one of those babies.
Why, I remember
shh. It's ticking.
Ticking? Well, that means it's act
it's activated! Let's get out
of here! It's liable to blow up.
Yeah, let's! Over here!
Over here!
No, no! Follow me!
[Spitting out dirt]
Wait a minute! It's no use.
It won't help us to run.
But it won't hurt us any.
A moving target is harder to hit.
Run! Run! Hide! Hide!
Run, hide! Run, hide!
Come on, skipper, we've got
to get gilligan and Mr. Howell.
Run, hide! Everybody, run and hide!
A mine's about to explode!
Hide! Hide! Hide!
Mr. Howell! Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Mary Ann, ginger,
have you seen gilligan?
Yes, he just went out our back door.
Your back you don't have a back door.
We do now.
Run and hide! Run
and hide! Run and hide!
Gilligan, will you stand
still a minute and listen?
Not me. I'm runnin'. He's right, professor.
We've got to get out of here.
You've all got to listen to me.
Now where are the howells?
Has it det has it gone off yet?
Not yet, Mr. Howell.
Well, maybe it'll wind
down and stop ticking.
I'm afraid not, Mrs. Howell.
It's timing mechanism
has been activated.
It could go off in a minute,
an hour, 6 hours. Who knows?
Darling, you know how
mechanical things confuse me.
You'd better explain it.
Well, it's really quite simple.
First there's a kaboom!
And after that, harp music.
These islands are composed
of coral and lava ash.
And undoubtedly, there are subterranean
caves which are filled with gas.
Oh, I get it. If that mine blows up
with 600 pounds of explosives, powee!
Powee?
Right. It would cause
such a chain reaction,
that the entire island
would be demolished.
So you see, if it goes off,
it doesn't make any
difference where you are.
Powee.
Now, look, we just can't
stand around here talking.
That mine isn't going to go away.
Yeah, I landed it real good.
We'll see you get a medal.
Posthumously, of course.
Fortunately, I know a little
something about mines,
so I'll try to deactivate it.
Let's go. Can I go, too?
It's my mine. I caught it.
Yeah, thanks a lot, gilligan.
You can go, too, Mr. Howell.
We're partners.
I was your partner. That
corporation is dissolved,
and I hope that we don't follow suit.
You know, I might suggest
I think the women should go
to the other side of the island.
Now, it might not do any good,
but there is a chance.
Well, did you say women
and children first?
Well, I'm a boy at heart.
Just a minute, Mr. Howell.
We're gonna need everybody we can get.
Now, come on. Let's go.
Why am I so indispensable?
[Ticking]
There it is!
Shh. Quiet.
Listen. It's still ticking.
We'll have to work fast, skipper.
You'd better let me inspect the mine.
But first, as a precaution,
I'll demagnetize myself.
No, no, don't do that.
He just said he was going
to demagnetize himself.
I know. It sounds awful.
Gilligan, maybe the mine is magnetized.
As a result, you know, a magnet.
It attracts itself to
metal and steel objects.
What a dumb thing for it to do.
Gilligan, it was made
that way on purpose.
That's right. Most of them
exploded on contact.
However, some, like this one,
are equipped with
a delayed timing device
to allow the ship to travel
into port before exploding,
thus damaging or sinking more ships.
Wish me luck.
Yeah. Good luck, professor.
Be careful. Hope you're insured
And the policy covers demagnetization.
Watch yourself now.
Double indemnity.
[Ticking]
Skipper: How about it, professor?
Do you think you can disarm it?
I can't find the fitting that covers
the timing and magnetic device.
Must be underneath the mine.
Here, I'll come help you.
Gilligan, don't go near
the mine with metal!
Gilligan! Come back, my boy!
No, gilligan, stay back!
Mr. Howell: Remember, kaboom!
Skipper: Gilligan!
Mr. Howell!
Whoo!
Mr. Howell: Gilligan!
Will you Help Me?!
You got us into this. Have
you got any suggestions?
Help!
Aaahh! Ohhhh!
Unhh! Ohh!
Uhhh!
Unhh!
Mr. Howell, I'm afraid to open my eyes.
Are we still alive? We'd better be.
There's someone I
want to cut out of my will.
Who? You!
Gilligan, get away from that mine,
and that's an order!
I can't. It won't let go of me.
The metal they're wearing
has them glued to it.
Mr. Howell
Try forcing yourself loose,
but gently. Gently.
I can't.
It's starting to tick faster. Listen.
Plimp-plum. Plimp-plum. Plimp-plum.
That's my heart.
Gilligan's good luck charm
is made out of steel.
Mr. Howell's watch
and identification bracelet
are probably made out of steel, too.
I beg your pardon.
They're a gift from my board of directors.
They couldn't be anything
less than gold or platinum.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Howell, but
that watch and identification bracelet
are just gold-plated.
Remind me to drop their options
and change the lock
on the executive washroom.
We've gotta work fast. That
mine could go off any second now.
The radio!
The radio?
That's how we'll free them, by shortwave.
Shortwave? We it'll take a tidal wave.
Professor: We've gotta
work fast, skipper.
We'll neutralize the magnetic field
by crossing the mine's
electromagnetic waves
with ultrahigh-frequency waves. Right?
Right, professor.
I'll get the radio.
Gilligan: Hurry back, professor.
Yeah. If we're gonna have a blast,
I'd like the kind where you live a little.
[Radio playing rock and roll]
Hey, that's rock and roll, professor.
Maybe it'll shake us loose, huh?
If you don't mind, gilligan,
I'd rather not be the high
note on the next chorus.
Gilligan, Mr. Howell, try to pull free.
[Radio announcer talking]
We'll just have to keep at it
till we get the right frequency.
Better hurry it up, professor.
[Tuning through stations]
Gilligan, now! Now, Mr. Howell!
My costume jewelry.
Professor!
[Announcer talking on radio, indistinct]
Don't worry, little buddy!
We'll get you loose!
[Announcer talking, music playing]
Uhh uhh
Ahhhh!
Uhhh!
We made it, Mr. Howell. Are you okay?
Well, either I'm dead,
or my watch has stopped.
Gilligan, will you come on?
Now, listen, gilligan. You're
the only one that's skinny enough
that can crawl under this mine
and loosen that fitting
with this brass wrench. It's nonmagnetic.
But, skipper gilligan. Gilligan,
you must be careful,
because this mine is sensitive.
It's very, very sensitive.
Say, isn't it against the law
to tinker with Navy
property? If they complain,
I'll buy them a new battleship.
Gilligan, will you stop
that? Now work fast.
We've gotta work on this
and loosen that fitting
before it Stops ticking.
Don't worry, skipper. If it
stops ticking, we can rewind it.
Get under there, gilligan!
Now?
Now!
Hey, I found the fitting.
[Clang clang clang clang]
Gilligan! Don't hammer! Turn it!
Use your head. Use your head.
Use my head?
Unhhhh
It's rolling back!
Hang on, men! Hang on!
You're stronger than the professor.
Let me get over there, professor.
[Stammering]
[Stammering]
Watch out! [Stammering] Ohhh!
Unnhhh!
Heavens! A mine disaster.
The boy is trapped alive!
My poor little buddy!
Dumb old mine. I'm gonna
give it a good, swift kick!
No!
[Thud] Ooohhh!
My shin!
Well, professor?
It's no use. There's no way
I can make a lubricant
to dissolve all that rust.
There's just no way
to deactivate that mine.
I have a suggestion. Why
don't we make a giant slingshot?
Then we can hurl the mine
100 miles away.
Gilligan, you've made that
suggestion for the last time.
Now get outta here.
But I have rubber bands out!
All you gotta do is out, gilligan, out.
He's just trying to help, skipper.
Oh, I know, professor,
but we haven't got time
for such nonsense.
That mine may blow up any minute.
Well, there's only one thing left to do,
and that's to use the raft
to tow the mine out to sea
far enough out where an
explosion won't cause any damage.
But, professor, it's so tricky.
I mean, it's apt to blow up any minute.
Kapowee! Aaah! G
gilligan, would you get outta here?!
Well, it's dangerous,
but it has to be done,
and it has to be done now.
Alright. Let's eliminate Mr. Howell.
He's a married man.
And gilligan. I don't want my little buddy
doing anything so dangerous.
It's up to me.
No. Professor, you're too smart.
They need your brain.
No, no, no, skipper.
You're the leader. I'm expendable.
There's only one way to do this.
Quick and fairly, we'll cut the cards.
Alright.
High card does the job. Right.
What a strange time
to be playing gin rummy.
We're not playing gin rummy, ho well.
Well, whatever it is, count me in.
We're cutting the cards
to see who tows the mine
out into the ocean.
Well, like I said, count me out.
Go ahead, professor.
2 of clubs.
8 of hearts. Great. I won.
Well, that all depends
on the way you look at it.
Now, remember, skipper,
first you've got to remove
the metal rudder
so it won't attract the mine.
I believe gilligan is already
on his way to do that.
Gilligan? Yes. I saw
him run to the lagoon.
Skipper, he must've overheard us.
He was all by himself
muttering something about
it being his fault.
Oh, professor, we
gotta stop my little buddy!
Gilligan! Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Ace of spades. The death card!
Gilligan! The ramp!
Professor, the ramp is gone!
There he is! He's towing the mine!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Come back!
Come back, gilligan!
I did it! I saved us,
skipper! No more mine!
There's a metal rudder on the raft!
It'll attract the mine like a magnet!
Skipper!
Holy smokes! He
must be doing 40 knots!
Gilligan! Cut the line!
Cut the line!
Cut the line, gilligan!
How about a rousing cheer
for our gilligan?
Hip hip
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Hip hip
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Hip hip
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
My boy, I'm going
to give you a really big tip.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Howell.
Consolidated national acme.
Buy!
And now, gilligan,
with the mine safely towed out to sea,
why don't you catch
something really big for dinner?
You bet, skipper. I'll go get the big
look.
The mine!
Uhhh!
The mine!
[Screaming and confused chattering]
Hey, skipper. I finally caught
somethin' big for dinner.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪