The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e14 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hey, hi, you guys.
Hey, Greg, come here.
Tommy says you play a little guitar.
Yeah, I play a little.
Yeah, Johnny, Phil and I
got a group together.
The Banana Convention.
Sure, I heard all about you guys.
Uh, we got a date to play this dance
over at Steven Decatur High
School on Saturday night.
( Imitating Ed Sullivan ): It's going to be
a really big show, really big.
Yeah, man, we need an
extra guitar for the gig.
You available?
To play?
Oh, sure, I'm available.
Course, we'll have to get together
for a couple of sessions.
Great. Only my amplifier
needs a little work.
Uh, Tommy
Hey, man, they're just plain cigarettes.
Yeah, sure.
Think you can get your
amp ready by Saturday night?
Oh, sure.
( Coughing ) Gee, I hope so.
Then it's a deal, you guys.
You guys play hard rock, right?
Yeah, most of the time. Yeah.
But we mix it up with
a few slow ballads, you know.
Ah.
( Coughs )
She's always trying
to make a joke out of it
when she goofs off.
You know?
( Coughing )
Greg's smoking.
( Coughing )
She's coming up the stairs!
Now, Cindy, let me tell her.
Hi.
Hi, Marcia.
Um, can we talk
about something important?
Something real bad.
Cindy!
I didn't even mention Greg.
What about Greg?
He was smoking.
Cindy, that's the last time
I'll ever trust you.
Are you sure about Greg?
Smoking?
Cindy and I saw him.
He was standing in the park
with three other boys
and he was smoking.
You're sure it didn't
just look like he was smoking?
No.
He was smoking.
With a real cigarette.
What you're telling me is very serious.
Now tell me exactly what you saw.
Well, he was standing there
and he had a cigarette in his hand
and then he put it in his mouth.
And then?
And he coughed a lot.
Then he was smoking, all right.
Should we tell Mom and Dad?
Yeah, let's go.
Wait a minute.
Don't either of you tell anyone.
Don't say a thing until
I figure out what we should do.
Clowns never laughed before ♪
And beanstalks never grew
Ponies never ran before
Till I met you
Surf never broke before ♪
And artists never drew
Snow never fell before
Till I met you
My dream came true
My dream came true
The world spins, my life begins ♪
Cause I met you
Phones never rang before
Wise men never knew
No one ever loved before
Till I met you
( distant ): Clowns
never laughed before ♪
And beanstalks never grew
Ponies never ran before
Till I met you
Surf never broke before ♪
Hi, honey.
Shh, shh.
And artists never drew
First a kiss and then a "shh."
Snow never fell before
Hey, he's got a pretty good voice.
Till I met you Yeah, just
shows that talent is inherited.
Hmm, must have gotten it
from my side of the family.
Oh!
I'm going to go up and change.
( Cacophonous guitar )
Yup, that's your side of the family.
Sounds like he caught his
fingers between the strings.
( Discordant playing )
Hey, hey, what's going on in here?
He's been pestering me for an hour
so I let him try it
And now I got my fingers caught
between the strings.
It sounds like it.
Wow, I may never play again.
Hey, Dad, can I speak to you
for a minute?
Yeah, I guess so.
This is private, okay, guys?
Okay.
What do you mean, "private"?
I mean you get out.
Come on, Greg!
Just a little while longer?
Good-bye.
Sounds important.
Is it?
Yes, it is.
You ever heard of
the Banana Convention?
Banana Convention?
Is that the famous meeting in Panama
in 18-whatever-it-was?
No, it's a rock group.
A rock group?
Yeah, some guys at school
they're really heavy.
That doesn't mean that
they're overweight, huh?
Right. They want me to play a gig
with them Saturday night.
At Steven Decatur high.
Isn't that a gas?
Yeah, that's a gas.
Uh, listen, Greg, this gig
is it for the real thing, for money?
For bread?
Well, we'll get paid something.
I'm not sure how much.
Okay. As far as I'm concerned,
it's all right.
I'll have to check with your mother.
Great, Dad. Oh, by the way,
can I have an advance
on my allowance?
I have to have a little
work done on my amplifier.
Well, I guess I might extend you a loan
in view of your future earnings.
Fine, only
Only what?
How much interest will I have to pay?
I'm your father, Greg.
I'm not gonna charge you interest.
Well, I'm Peter's brother,
and I charge him 25%.
25%! Ooh That's against the law.
You know that, and I know that,
but till Peter finds out
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Well, I think with us, it's going
to be an interest-free loan.
It's a deal.
Dinner won't be ready
till the biscuits rise.
I don't think I'm very hungry.
Something on your mind?
Uh-huh.
Can I help just girl to girl?
Well, it's not exactly my problem.
I mean, well, it's sort
of my friend's problem.
Oh, well, those are the,
uh, toughest kind to solve.
This one's a real beauty.
Why don't you give me a hint?
Maybe I could, you know,
help this friend of yours.
Well, this friend, she has a brother
and she's sort of close to him.
So far, it's not a problem.
Well, she has it from
an absolutely reliable source
that her brother did something wrong.
Now, if she tells on him,
is it is it snitching?
Hmm. Well, there's
a simple way to solve that.
There is?
Yeah. If she tells, is she helping him
out of trouble or into trouble?
Oh, out. Definitely out.
Then my advice is
tell your friend it is not snitching.
Oh, thanks, Alice.
Honey, if it's so important, just say it.
Honest, Dad, I want to tell you,
only it's not that easy.
Well, is it something you did?
If it was that, I'd tell you in a second.
Well, then, is it something
someone else did?
Yes.
Something that Greg did.
Oh, I get it.
You don't want to squeal
on your brother, right?
Well, if I tell, will you
promise not to punish him?
Now, Marcia, that wouldn't be fair
to Greg or to us.
I guess not.
Look, Marcia, we know
you wouldn't be here
unless you thought he was
making a very bad mistake
or he was hurting someone.
Himself that's who he was hurting.
Well, in that case, I definitely
think you should tell us.
This afternoon after school,
Greg was smoking a cigarette.
I knew I shouldn't have told you.
Honey, listen,
you did the right thing in telling us.
Well, if I'm so right
how come I feel so terrible?
Is it true, Greg?
Yeah, I guess it is.
But it was the first time I ever smoked.
I only took a few puffs.
I didn't even like it.
That doesn't make it any better.
I-I really didn't even want the cigarette.
I just wanted to go along
be one of the guys.
Listen, you can't do something
that you know is wrong just
to go along with the guys.
It's stupid.
Yeah, it's not a very good excuse.
I'm afraid it's no excuse.
Well, look we don't want you to smoke.
Eventually, you'll have
to make your own decision.
I hope it's the right one. But for now
I've blown the chance
to play at the dance and get
that loan to fix my amp.
No, I gave you my word on that
and I intend to keep it.
Well, I must have some
punishment coming.
Look, Greg, if you know
what you did wrong,
I mean, that's more important
than any punishment we could think up.
I do, Mom, I really do.
Well, after all,
when I was young, I smoked.
Yes, honey, but we didn't have
all the evidence that we do now.
You're right, Mom.
I promise.
No more smoking.
I didn't think about it.
I guess I really did a dumb thing.
Well, we all do dumb things.
I've done a lot of dumb things.
( Chuckling ): I really have.
Well, you won't get
an argument from me.
Well, the trouble is, Alice,
until some things hit home,
you just never do anything about them.
Ain't it the truth?
Mrs. Johnson has been after me
for a month
to join her anti-smoking committee.
So, I guess now is
as good a time as any.
Hello? Mrs. Johnson?
This is Carol Brady.
Listen, could you still use
some help on that committee?
We certainly can.
We still have a big smoking problem
in high school.
Well, you can count me in.
When are your meetings?
Friday afternoons.
Oh, but this Friday we had to cancel.
Oh?
It was going to be
at Cynthia Heller's house,
but Cynthia came down with the flu.
Well, look, Mrs. Johnson,
if you need a place to meet,
why not my house?
Oh, that would be wonderful. I'll
( loud drumming )
Excuse me just a second.
Tommy, would you please wait
until I'm off the phone?
I'm sorry, my son was practicing.
Oh, that's okay.
Greg told me he's joining
Tommy's group.
He says they're far out and really heavy.
My son says they really know
where their heads are at.
Well, right on, man.
I'll see you Friday.
Oh, maybe I should drop by and
leave you some reading material
and some pamphlets.
Tomorrow afternoon okay?
Fine.
Bye, now.
Will tea and cakes be
enough for your meeting?
Sure, Alice, that'll be fine.
Mrs. Brady, those women on
the anti-smoking committee?
Tell them I'll be watching.
Watching?
If I find one dirty ashtray
GREG: Clowns never laughed before
And beanstalks never grew
Ponies never ran before
Greg?
Oh, hi.
Till I met you Can we talk?
Sure.
Come on in.
Is, uh, something wrong?
I did a terrible thing.
Well, if you did it, it can't be all that bad.
You'll think it was just awful.
Well, no matter what I think,
you can count on me to help.
That only makes me feel worse.
See, this terrible thing I did
I did to you.
( laughs ): Well, then how
come I don't know about it?
You know about it, all right.
I snitched to the folks
about your smoking.
Thanks a lot, Marcia.
You'll probably never
want to talk to me again.
Hey, hey, hold it.
Then you're not mad?
Well, sure I'm mad.
But not so much about the snitching.
Why didn't you come to me first?
Well, you would have just
said to mind my own business.
Yep, that's what I'd have said, all right.
I only did it because
I thought it was for your own good.
I know.
Did the folks punish you bad?
No. No, they didn't punish me at all.
They didn't?
Well, don't sound so disappointed.
Boy, if I'd been in their place,
I would have given it to you good.
I guess it's lucky I was born when I was.
What do you mean?
Well, if I'd been born any later,
you could've been my mother
instead of my sister.
Well, I'll certainly read
all these pamphlets, Mrs. Johnson.
And maybe you could help us
think up a new campaign angle.
Straight lectures really
turn these kids off.
Oh, I'll bet.
Hi, Mom.
Oh, hi, Greg.
Hi, Mrs. Johnson.
Hello, Greg. Have you by
any chance seen my son?
Yeah, I left Tommy
about ten minutes ago.
He said he was on his way home.
Oh, good. I have to take him
to the dentist.
Oh, dear.
( Both chuckling )
Greg, the chair is to sit on.
And the jacket goes in the closet.
Right.
Greg.
Well, Greg?
Mom, they're not mine.
They fell out of your pocket, Greg.
Yes, ma'am.
Were you keeping them
for someone else?
GREG: No.
Well, then how did they get there?
I don't know.
But they're not mine, honest, Mom.
All right, Greg.
If you say so.
Mrs. Brady, I can understand
your wanting to believe your own son
Well, he said they weren't his.
If parents refuse to open their eyes,
you are doing exactly
what our committee
is trying to prevent.
Mrs. Johnson, maybe
maybe I'm the wrong person
for your committee.
You know I want to work with you.
But if you cannot accept
the fact that your own son
Mrs. Johnson, I told you,
they're not mine.
That's what he said.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Brady.
I really am.
Do you really believe me, Mom?
Yes.
Because I'm your son,
or you think I'm telling the truth?
Because I think you're telling the truth.
If I was in your place, I'm
not sure I'd believe me.
Well, Greg, someday,
when you're a parent,
maybe you'll see things differently.
I wonder if Dad will believe me.
Yes, I believe you.
Okay, Dad, thanks.
Greg, wait a minute.
Okay, what's bugging you?
How those cigarettes got there.
Yeah, well, that isn't all, is it?
Nope.
Well, we got a rule in this family:
BOTH: Lay it on the table.
That's right.
All right, look, I get caught
with something that looks pretty bad,
and neither you or Mom thinks I'm guilty.
( Chuckles ): Well, so?
So how can you be so sure?
( Sighs )
Greg, from time to time
you've done things
that I haven't liked very much
but so far, you haven't lied to me.
No, sir, I never have.
Well, I don't see any reason
to think this is the first time.
I'll admit, I can't quite figure out
how that pack got in your pocket.
Neither can I.
I'm going to prove
you and Mom were right for trusting me.
I'm going to find out
how those cigarettes got there.
BOBBY: Hey, Greg.
Greg!
Wait a minute.
I think I got it all figured out
about the cigarettes.
Yeah?
Do you have any enemies?
Enemies? Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
Everybody's got enemies.
That's it! They're trying to rub you out.
Rub me out?
Oh, come on.
That's dumb.
I mean get you kicked off
the basketball team.
I'm not on the basketball team.
Oh.
There's got to be an explanation.
I've been thinking about this so hard
my head's about to pop.
There's got to be an explanation
how they got there.
Yeah, Cindy?
Maybe it was magic!
Magic.
I've got it! I've got it!
What?
The pack of cigarettes
did you look inside?
No, why?
I bet it had a secret microfilm in it.
( Groans )
They always have it in all the spy movies.
Sounded good to me, Pete.
GREG: I just don't get it. I'll bet I was up
half the night trying to figure out
how those cigarettes got in my pocket.
Well, if you ask me, you're
going about this the wrong way.
I am?
Yup. What you got to do
is try to reconstruct the crime.
Yeah?
Yeah, it's the only way.
I watch a lot of television.
Okay, reconstruct the crime.
Okay, now, let's start with the first thing
you did that day.
I rode my bike to school.
Uh-huh. Put my jacket in my locker
and went to all my classes.
Did you loan your locker key to anybody?
No.
Does anybody else have
a key to your locker?
The boys' vice principal has
a master key.
Well, we'll give him
the benefit of the doubt.
What'd you do after school?
Went to practice with the group
for the dance.
Ah! Now we're getting someplace.
Alice, there was no one there
but the guys in the group.
They wouldn't do that to me.
Okay, so after practice,
you stopped by the malt shop, right?
Right.
Okay, you hung up your
jacket, you got yourself
Oh, forget that.
Huh?
You never hang up anything.
It's no use, Alice.
All the evidence points to me.
Even if I'm not guilty.
Well, sometimes evidence just
looks like real evidence
when it's really circumstantial.
Or partially circumstantial
and thereby being unsupported
or hearsay.
What does that mean?
I don't know, but it saved some guy's life
last night on TV.
Thanks, anyway.
I guess I'll go to my room.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hang up your jacket.
On second thought, don't hang it up.
Why not?
It's not your jacket.
What do you mean?
You ripped the lining
on the handlebars last month.
I remember it. I sewed it up.
This one's never been mended.
So whoever's this jacket is,
the cigarettes are his, too.
Alice, you're a genius!
Well, genius, no.
Chief of detectives, maybe.
( Doorbell ringing )
Thanks, Alice. I'll get it.
Hi, Greg.
Oh, hi. Come on in.
Oh, there it is.
I got yours by mistake.
This one's yours?
Yeah, I found a test paper of yours
in the pocket here,
and so I knew it was yours.
Guess what I found in yours?
What's that?
A pack of cigarettes.
Oh, wow.
I'm sure glad my Mom didn't find out.
My Mom did.
Oh. Well, listen
my mother's out in the car
waiting for me.
Uh, let me have my jacket now
and, hey, we'll straighten this out later.
No, we'll straighten it out now.
Mom, Dad!
Hey, look, all I want is my jacket.
Yeah, well, not until you tell my parents.
Tell them what?
The cigarettes are yours and not mine.
Oh, hi, Tommy.
Hello, Tommy, how are you?
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
Well, tell them.
Tell us? Tell us what?
Uh, the cigarettes weren't Greg's.
They're mine.
Our jackets got mixed up.
Well, that explains a lot.
Mr. and Mrs. Brady,
do we have to tell my mother about this?
Well, Tommy, what do you think?
If you knew how mad she'd get,
you'd sure try to think of something else.
Well, do you think that's fair to Greg?
No, but my mom can't punish him.
I don't want to get Tommy into trouble.
Couldn't we just forget about it?
MIKE: Do you think we
should forget about it?
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
I just came in to see
what was keeping Tommy so long.
We've got to pick up
Mr. Johnson at the airport.
Now, just a minute, Mom.
Listen, if your father has to wait,
he will be very upset.
I'm afraid he's going
to be very upset anyway.
The cigarettes were mine.
Cigarettes? What cigarettes?
The ones you thought were Greg's.
See, we switched jackets by mistake.
Oh, I see.
I certainly owe Greg an apology.
I'm really very sorry.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, if I were waiting
in a crowded airport
Mrs. Johnson, uh,
how about next Friday?
Yes.
Next Friday.
Mom, can we talk about this
before we pick up Dad?
I expect we'll talk about it
before and after we pick up your father.
Now come along, Tommy.
GREG: Good luck, Tommy.
Yeah, I'm sure going to need it. See ya.
I'm sure glad that's over.
I'm going to go tell Marcia.
Not yet.
What's wrong?
Looks like you're back in trouble.
What did I do now?
Hang it up.
What's wrong?
Oh, nothing. I just wanted
to make sure it was mine.
( Knocking at door )
Come in.
I'm home.
Hi, honey. How did your group do
at the dance tonight?
It was kind of a kicky blast.
The guys really got it together and wailed
and bent the gig out of shape.
Good night.
Good night.
( Door closes )
"Got it all together and really wailed"?
How about that?
"Really bent the gig out of shape."
I wonder if that's good or bad.
Search me.
It's funny, kids have
a language all their own.
Yeah.
So do we.
We do?
Mm-hmm. I'll show you.
( Purring ): Ours.
Listen, I hear you talking
and I dig what you're saying, man.