8 Simple Rules (2002) s02e15 Episode Script

1
And finally,
The top liberty middle school
scandal of the week.
The Honor Society claimed that
their car wash was
a huge success.
Ha, ha, ha. It wasn't!
Oooh, yeah!
This is webmaster 'X',
signing, off
Rory,
You do drugs?
No.
For a second there
this all made sense
I was shooting a segment
for my webcast.
Webmaster 'X';
- That's me.
- Yeah.
Yeah; You know; I
was gonna call you
loser. But you saved
it with the arm thing.
So, how many hits you get?
That's the thing. Kind of having
trouble building a following.
Hmm.
You think it's cause
you're reporting
on car washes in a monkey mask.
Dude, you got to
spice things up if
you want to get
paying customers.
Paying customers?
No; My website's free.
Ha, ha! Not anymore; Partner!
Step aside!
What are you doing?
I'm rigging you up a pay website.
That's right
I need some quick money for
an investiment that went sour.
- What did you invest in?
- Pistons by 3
I probably shouldn't have bet all
of next semester's tuition money
but, come on! By 3!!
I'm so excited for the dance
this weekend; Aren't you?
Oh, I don't have the best
experiences at schools dances.
Last one I went
to, I spent most of
the night with my
face in the toliet.
You weren't drinking, were you?
No; But I think the senior
holding my head down, was.
You know; Can't we just
go see a movie, instead?
Jeremy; Don't take this the wrong
way, but hobbits, are stupid.
If you just read the book first-
-Honey! Stupid!
I got to go with Jeremy.
Hobbits, are no stupid.
Hey! She's got a name. Okay?
Hiii! I'm Beth Doyle.
And you must be the cousin I've
heard Weird girl!
Too much energy!
Can't deal with it.
- Oh, Hi, Beth.
- Hello, Mrs Hennessy.
Our family won this cake at
church for gospel trivia.
Thank you. Anyway, we can't eat
it, because it has gluten in it.
Oh, Beth.
Is your mom trying
to fatten me up?
Actually, yes. She
thinks now that you're
single, you're a
distraction to dad.
Yeah; That's super.
Hi, Kerry.
Hi, Kyle.
Hi, Bridget.
Hi, 'latest'
Latest?
Oh; She didn't tell you
she's had others?
Like my brother Donny.
And he was handsome
and sensitive and smart
and he had pecs that looked like
they'd been carved out of marble.
Should you be talking about
your brother like this?
Oh; It's okay.
We're all adopted.
Anyway; She dumped Donny
and broke his heart
like every other guy
she's ever dated.
But I'm sure it'll be
different for you.
Good luck!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hey; Keep your shirt on.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is Cate here?
I'm Judy McKenna with the PTA.
For a minute, I
thought our mailman
got a hell of a lot prettier.
Is that Judy?
Would you like a drink?
What are you? A scotch girl?
Oh, Judy; I'm sorry.
I missed the meeting.
I forgot to call, but I had
to work late again.
You know what happens when
you miss a meeting, Cate.
They elected me an officer?
Congratulations, recording
secretary.
Here are your minutes.
A brandy? How about
a brandy, Judy?
Uh, dad; She doesn't
want a drink.
Is your name Judy?
The main thing that
we talked about..
Was how inappropriate
the dancing has became
so, the PTA has voted to
outlaw provocative dancing.
What would that look like, Judy?
Oh, excuse me, dad.
Have you seen some of
the moves that they do?
Aw; I tell you, the kids today-
I don't know where
they get their values.
What, gin and tonic?
Give it up! Cause
you're like, 100.
Chardonnay for the lady?
I think I'll be going now.
You want me to walk
you to your car?
Okay, sure. What a gentleman!
I take it easy, Scarlett, I just
needed a ride to my dorm.
Ohh.
- Hey, Guys!
- Hey, Kerry!
The PTA has outlawed
suggestive dancing.
So, watch it! At the dance.
What? That's ridiculous!
Dancing is a form of expression!
The first amendment
protects anyone
who wants to dance like this
or like this.
Ohh.!! All right,
Cate, Cate, Cate!!
Kerry, Stop!! Kerry!
Good God!
I used to hold that in my arms!
Kerry; Stop it!
Look; It's just a new
rule. Obey it.
It's nothing to get all
worked up about.
Easy for you to say.
Oh; I don't care what they say!
I am gonna dance however I want!
I just think you're missing
the important issue here.
- What?
- Beth Doyle was mean to me.
I mean I have real feeling
for Jeremy.
Oh, Bridget; Get over it.
You're fickle!
Sure, you're madly in
love with Jeremy.
But you were also madly
in love with Donny,
when Damian came along.
Damian? I have no idea who
you're talking about.
Hey!
Hey!
So, what time do you want me
to pick you up on saturday?
She's spoken for!
Yes, I am spoken for.
So under no circumstances
are you ever
to call me at this phone number.
And, if this number is busy,
this phone number,
And, if this number is busy,
this cellphone number.
And if you ever come to this
address on Oakdale Avenue.
Well; You'll be stepping in
some very hot water, Mister.
And I mean, hot.
Okay; I admit I may
have been drawn
to Damian's devil-may-care
attitude
but, Jeremy and I connect
on a way higher level.
We have so much in common.
We talk about books.
That he's read.
Besides, I heard
Damian moved away.
So, you have no feelings
for Damian at all?
I am so over him.
Good!
'Cause I heard he
just moved back.
And finally, we have a
webmaster X-clusive
Brian Munson and Megan Gibbs
played a little tonsil hockey
last night.
Yes; The same Brian Munson
who dates.
Megan's best friend, Ashley Cook
Megan,
You got some 'splainin' to do!
Signing Off.
This is Webmaster 'X'.
Nice; Much better.
A Cosmo-Girl!, but I like it.
So, who's your source?
I got it from Bridget's diary.
Whooo!
Wait a second.
You went into your sister's
room, stole her diary
and broadcast it
on the Internet?
Well, yeah.
Dude
Pretty soon, you're
not gonna need me.
What's the matter?
Hmm I'm worried
about Chemistry.
Okay; Look, I know Damian
is back in town.
Yes; We had great
chemistry but it's so over.
No; I meant I'm worried
about my chemistry test.
But, thanks. Now I'm worried
about your old
boyfriend, instead.
Kerry; Get that.
I'm busy. Let the
machine pick up.
Hey! It's Damian
I've been looking for you
and dreaming about you.
Sorry I missed you.
Well, I got to go meet
up with my posse.
Call me.
Bridg'; Damian called.
Well; I got to go.
No, Jeremy; Wait!
It's not what it seems!
Hot guys leave message
for me all the time.
No, seriously; I got to go meet
up with my, uh,
posse.
Ooh! Chess Club?
Oh, I get it. The nerd
goes to Chess Club.
Rocket Club?
None of your business.
Hey! I'm watching that.
What's wrong with you?
A hawk try to scoop
you up again?
I'm looking for some new
dance moves, you know;
To tick off the morality police.
Really?
Well
Why didn't you come to the
Master Of Dance-Aster.
All right. Don't beg.
You'll get to see a few.
Start out with a
little 'Thriller'
That's a fun one.
Then you go into MC.Hammer
to shake it up a bit.
Stop!
And a little missy Elliott
just to get a little nasty.
Ooh!!
C.J.!
Ooh!!
- C.J.!!
- Heeey!
Hi!
So; If anyone asks you to
dance like that
you say no. I mean, this is
serious. You saw 'Footloose'
Hey; I got your back, aunt Cate.
Thanks, C.J.; But
we got it covered.
So, Grandpa and I are gonna
chaperone the dance.
You're chaperoning
the dance?! Why?
Well; Because I want
to stay more involved.
And Judy could use an extra hand.
Yes. I was calling
Damian back.
It would be rude not to.
Everyone knows I always
return my messages.
Stop grilling me!!
God! You still like him.
No; I just wanted
to hear his voice!
And the guitar.
What guitar?
You don't hear-
Oh, My God!
Kerry; What is
happening to me?
I'm so mixed up. I'm with
this fantastic guy,
and then Damian has to
come back into my life.
And someone stole my diary!
Bridget; It's not your
fault you're fickle.
I am not!
In fact, I'm only thingking
of Jeremy, starting now.
Okay; Starting now.
Dude; We're way down on hits.
At this rate, I'll never
get out of debt.
That's your problem.
Then I'll have to drop out of
College and move back in here.
That's my problem.
Don't panic; awkward stage.
There's got to be something
juicy in Bridget's diary
to get our customers back.
Let's see.
"Today, our cousin C.J.
came to stay with us.
He's, like, totally creepy
and smells like mold".
Blah, blah, blah
"I so hate her".
Blah, blah, blah
"I so love my hair".
Here's something!
"Today, Ashley heard about
Megan kissing Brian Munson.
Ashley's so upset, she's
gonna kick Megan's ass
at the dance, tonight".
Hee, hee, hee! Oh my God!
Bingo! That's it.
We broadcast a live chick
fight on the Internet.
With this little 'Baby'.
- Where'd you get that?
- In the Army.
They let you take stuff
when you leave.
Combs, duffel bags.
Million-dollar Top-scret
spy cameras?
Boots, trail mix, Yeah!
All we got to do is get this,
into the dance somehow.
Come on, dad! We're gonna
be late for the dance
I'm coming; I'm coming.
Grandpa, wait!
Got something for you.
Well; Thank you, Rory.
Kind of sissy of you
but, thank you.
No. Thank you, 'grampy-cam'
Ugh; Look at all
these lemmings
I can't believe these people are
actually listening to the PTA.
There's no bumping no grinding.
And no chicken dance.
What cowards!
Hi, guys!
What?
Honey; I am sorry that your
grandfather and I are chaperones.
And I'm sorry, Kyle, that it
makes it harder for you
to put the moves on my daugther.
Hey! Your're just doing your
job, and I'm doing mine.
Okay, Kyle. I'm not kidding.
You know; I don't
really need this cane.
It's just a walking stick.
- Oh, it's nice. May I see it?
- Oh, sure, sure.
So; Are you having
a good time?
Yes. I have to admit that I am.
Hmm. Well, then say it.
- Don't make me.
- Yes, say it right now. Come on.
Okay;
This dance is better than
'The Battle of Mordor'
Wow; I must like you a lot
I mean, I never say anything
disparaging about the rings-
Whewp!
I need punch.
- Wow!
- He's so cute.
You're so into him.
Yeah.
Damian!
It's just a motorcycle.
It doesn't mean that it's
Damian's motorcycle.
Damian's outside
Bridget; He wants to see you.
Well; If he wants to see me, why
doesn't he just come inside?
He says tough guys don't dance.
Then why doesn't he just leave?
He says tough guys don't leave.
Doesn't he know I
have a boyfriend?
He says tough guys don't care.
And if you want my opinion-
Kyle! Punch, now.
Hey! No girl's gonna-
Now!!
Right.
All right, Kerry. Cover for me.
I'll be right back, okay?
Bridget! What are
you doing? You're
just gonna leave Jeremy here?
I've to see Damian to make
sure there's nothing there. Okay?
I owe it to Jeremy.
It'd be unfair if I didn't go out
and see Damian right now.
Unfair and inconsiderate.
Wow; Jeremy's lucky, lucky guy.
Look; I hope I
don't feel anything
for Damian, but
I've to make sure.
Hey, Bridget. Where you going?
Nowhere!! God! Will everyone
just get off my back?!
You're still here?
Do you know who's waiting
outside? For you?
On a motorcycle?
Damian?
You are, like, scary smart.
Jeremy; I can explain all this.
No. You don't
have time to explain.
Tough guys don't wait
around forever.
- Kyle, go!
- But this is the good part!!
Look,
Bridget; If there's
someone outside that
you need to talk to;
You know; Go ahead.
But just remember, smart guys
don't wait around forever either.
Of course,
smart guys will wait around a
little bit longer
than tough guys.
Bridget?
Bridget?
Yeah?
Are you okay?
Yes.
Let's go dance.
Sure.
What if this chick fight
doesn't happen?
Then you're gonna have to
explain to your classmates
why you made them pay
to see your grandpa
go to the bathroom 5 times.
Oh! Here it comes!
-Oh! Chick fight!
In 5 4 3 2 1.
Enjoy the dance, Mrs Mckenna?
Why, yes, Jim,
Please, call me Judy.
What's he doing?!! Cm'n
Turn your body!
You're missing it!
Oh, my God!
It's either Miss Mckenna
or the bathroom.
You skank!
You stole my boyfriend!
Let go of me!
We're missing the whole fight!
I'm not giving the money back.
Oh, my Gosh!
Look at the way
that girl is dancing.
Oh, Lordy; That's
Kerry!
This could work.
Kerry Hennessy, knock it off!
Kerry!
Excuse me.
Kerry, Kerry, Kerry!
Well, excuse me,
but why is my
daughter dancing on a cellphone?
It's an Internet feed.
It's Webmaster 'X'
But who in God's name
is filming this?!
Have you seen what your
daughter is doing?
Ow! Damn carnation
keep shocking me!
Rory,
You are so dead!
Dude, you are so deee..ad.
You mean, they can get an
itty-bitty camera in there?
I'll be damned.
Well, I guess, if they can get
a snapshot of my colon.
So, Kerry; About this dancing.
All right, mom. I'm sorry. I'll
never dance like that again.
Oh, no, no, no
I was gonna say I didn't realize
you were such a great dancer.
You know; I did this so that
I could be more involved.
But you do realize that
they will now never let me
chaperone a dance again.
Thank you.
I had a really good time tonight.
Well, actually,
it kind of seemed like you
were some place else all night.
What do you mean?
Damian was outside
and I didn't go out to see him
I stayed with you.
Well; That's one
interpretation.
Another is that you stayed
with me because he left.
Oh, Potato, potato.
All that matters is that
we're together, now.
Well; Let me just ask
you one question,
and I swear I'll never
bring it up again.
Do you still have
feelings for Damian?
I think I just got my answer.
- No! Wait! What are you doing?
Look Bridget; You didn't get on
Damian's motorcicle tonight,
but another night,
another motorcycle.
You don't know
what's gonna happen.
You can't tell me how
I'm gonna feel
I don't know a lot
about girls; Okay?
But I did see that
look on your face
when you found out Damian
was outside waiting for you.
I mean, you never gave
me that look.
Oh, no?
What are you doing?
I'm giving you that look.
Nope! That's not it.
That's not it either.
Listen, Bridget; Before you
can be in a real relationship
I think you have some
stuff you need work out.
This is not how Beth Doyle
said it would end.
And stay away from Rory!!
I'm sorry!
But can I still bring
my laundry by tomorrow?
I'm kidding. I'll
see you at dinner.
Hey honey; Are you okay?
Jeremy dumped me.
Ooohh
I'm sorry
I just can't believe this.
I'm all alone.
I've never been all alone.
Oh, no, honey. Unh, unh,
You're not alone.
Come here!
Mom; That's Damian!
Get off, get off,
go, go, go!! Right
now! Get in!!!
Well, Gee! That
didn't take long!
Hey!
Hey!
I thought tough guys
don't wait around forever.
We don't;
Let's go.
What's wrong?
I don't hear guitars anymore.
Oh, no?
There's nothing sexy
about a hard-boiled egg.
There is if you're
deathly allergic.
Good night, Damian.
Good night, Jeremy.
I thought, smart
guys waited around
oOo