Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e15 Episode Script
Shanghai Moon
1
Yes!
Yes.
To find this portal,
we must travel north
Very north.
Brrr, chilly.
Very, very north.
Ok, check the warranty
on the box.
We're like halfway
to the moon.
Where did you
think
tso LAN the moon
demon would be
found?
(Nervous chuckle)
No way to get up there.
Ha! Yeah, right.
It's not like valmont
owns a flying saucer.
Yeah, I mean,
we'd have to go
all the way to cape
whatchacall in Florida
to catch a rocket
to space--oof!
Ahh,
- very well, then.
Why couldn't it have
been the earth demon?
Jade.
Maybe a working
volcano exhibit
is too advanced for me.
Jackie?
Science project.
Valmont and his
cronies have been
spotted in Florida,
near cape canaveral.
I'm on my way.
Goin' on a mission, Jackie?!
Uh, no. Not
a mission. It's
A conference on
feng shui.
In Minnesota.
Want to come?
Um, I would Jackie,
but, you know
I have that new
science project
to cook up.
My goosebumps
are gettin' goosebumps.
I say we vote.
Anyone who doesn't
want to go orbital,
raise your hand.
Uh, we didn't count
valmont's vote.
Never mind valmont.
You will board that
spacecraft or you
will perish.
Unh.
No sign of the portal.
Let's keep it
that way.
Rocks and minerals
Dullsville.
Photosynthesis
Double dullsville.
(Sighs) Maybe I can get
inspired by the science
network.
Announcer: The launchpad
area has been cleared
for liftoff
of the experimental
space shuttle, saratoga,
which will later dock
with space station
niagara.
Hello.
Minnesota, hmm?
Announcer: Liftoff in
t-minus 30 seconds.
Oh, uh, don't we need
like, astronaut training?
Climb aboard!
Announcer: Countdown
at 10, 9
8, 7, 6
5, 4
3, 2
1
Liftoff.
We have liftoff.
Aah!
Black.
Tell uncle I have
a strong hunch
that the portal
belongs to the moon
demon.
(Machines hiss)
(Gasp)
(Gasp) Talk later!
Ah!
Whoa.
Ahh, liftoff, indeed.
Where are we?
What are you wearing?
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Uh, we're cruisin'
for la Luna, big v.
But that's impossible!
Who's piloting this craft?
Ahoy.
There has been
a grave error.
I demand you turn
this ship around, posthaste!
Aah!
(Screaming)
Aw.
Aah! Guh, guh
Hi, Jackie.
Jade!
Check out the monkey suit.
Literally.
But, how did you--
speed talisman.
Fastest way to get to
Minnesota.
Autopilot.
You can relax,
big v.
Major Matt monkey's
flying with
training wheels.
I feel so much better.
Ugh, those whirly rides
make me nauseous.
Space makes me nauseous.
The spinning
of the station creates
gravitational pull. See?
I am so
going to get an "a"
on my science project.
Secure the station.
Piece of cake. We're
the only ones here.
Let us ensure
utmost privacy.
Surveillance and
communications
systems
are down? How?
The monkey.
Now, we wait for this
station to intersect
with the portal
belonging to tso LAN.
And open her up
with this key.
I hope uncle
is on his way
with that chi spell.
This is a level 7 override.
My engineers will
take over from here.
Ok.
I have a second
shuttle prepped to
take you to Jackie.
Aiiyah! Do I look
like flash Gordon?
I am too old
to play space man!
But, if you do not go,
sensei, who will cast
the chi spell?
(Groans)
We are mere minutes
from the portal location.
Ready the pan ku box.
Uhh!
Well?!
Yo, chow
oh!
Whoa.
Chan!
Everybody's an astronaut.
Where is
the pan ku box?!
(Hissing)
(Snarls) Hak foo!
Retrieve it!
Unh!
You go, hak!
And you, simpletons,
get chan!
Jackie!
You use it!
Raaah!
Uhh!
Uhh!
The eagle has landed.
Tiger prowls
Through pudding.
Turtle fist!
Sloth kick!
Aah!
Uhh! (Gasp)
Oh, boy.
(Chuckling)
Flying monkey
snatches magic box.
Yaah!
Uhh!
Where is hak foo?!
The portal approaches.
No box, no demon.
Check, please!
(Chattering)
Good monkey.
Nice monkey.
No, cosmo! Run!
Give it up! Give it up!
(Cosmo
screeches)
Huh?
Yes.
Houston, we have a problem.
Get it.
Tso LAN, so good
to see you.
Skip the pleasantries, shendu.
I am interested only
in seizing control
of the moon's gravity
so that I may pull the ball
from its orbit.
But--but that'll wreck
all of earth's ecosystems.
How do you know?
I watch the science network.
Puhhht!
The child is correct.
And only then will earth's
landscape be to my liking.
Whoa! He wants to
kebosh the planet.
And you made us
let him out?
Just be glad you
are up here.
Duh-oh!
Argh! Ehh
You have joined us in time
to see the Nemesis of all
demon sorcerers destroyed.
This is Jackie chan?
No. That is.
Bwwaaaa!
Ah!
Oh!
Uhh!
Duh-ah!
Time to put out
the trash.
Uhh!
Shendu, I despise you.
I heard that.
It appears the pleasure
of destroying you
shall be mine alone.
A good chi spell
would be nice right now.
Tohru, can you hear me?
Wha-a-a-at?
You make faces at me!
WhuUhEh--
no, sensei.
Hiding only
delays the inevitable.
Hey
Lucky rabbit.
(Chittering)
Shoo! Shoo!
(Chittering)
(Screeching)
I see no one.
Uncle: Prepare
the chi spell,
then socialize!
Now, do you have
the lotus pod?
Check.
Jelly of jelly fish?
Check.
(Screeching)
Behold
My mastery of gravity.
And for you,
things look very grave.
Jackie, man the torpedo.
Full speed ahead!
Uhh!
Outta the park.
Uh-oh.
He's rolling down
moon river.
This is very bad.
We need uncle's
chi spell.
Earth to Jackie.
We're in space.
Where are we
gonna get a chi spell?
A lotus pod?
Isn't that?
The symbol
of the immortal
who originally
defeated tso LAN
the moon demon.
- Tohru?
- Tohru!
ButWhere's uncle?
Uncle, yelling: Tohru!
Do you or do you not
have nosehair of possum?!
Hmm
Could use a facelift.
Tall, dark, and creepy's
doing his moon-makeover thing.
Tohru, the chi spell.
Uncle: A spell can not work
if a demon is out of range
of the immortal's symbol!
How can we move
the immortal symbol
into range fast?
Jade: Duh!
Bad day!
Bad day! Bad day!
Jade, it's not safe.
So?
Eh, it's never safe.
I require assistance.
Awww, I thought
that's why you brought cosmo.
Where on earth
do I find a moon demon
on the moon?
Oh!
Behind you.
Heh. Hello.
You dare interrupt me
in my moment of triumph?
It's what I do.
Whuh!
Oh!
Oh
Where's the lotus pod?
You put it in your suit.
Found it.
Tohru, the incantation!
Uncle: Aiyaaa!
That is my job!
Uncle!
Hurry!
(Chanting)
(Uncle chanting)
An incantation?
(Chanting continues)
The lotus pod.
In order for it
to hex me,
you must remove
your helmet,
which you cannot do.
Oh! Grrr! Eh!
Then let me air this out.
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ah! (Breaths deeply)
Yesss!
(Cheering)
Right on!
So long, tso LAN.
My science product
is gonna rock!
Hey, Jackie,
if you weren't an actor,
what would you be?
I wanna be a pilot.
Oh, I just feel so cool.
Nothing cooler than pilot.
(Imitates plane flying)
Carrying the helmet,
wearing the suit,
walking
But slow-motion.
The track behind you--
with--with the glasses.
Just by yourself,
go to the place nobody knows,
you know.
Oh, just, I wanna be a pilot.
Yes!
Yes.
To find this portal,
we must travel north
Very north.
Brrr, chilly.
Very, very north.
Ok, check the warranty
on the box.
We're like halfway
to the moon.
Where did you
think
tso LAN the moon
demon would be
found?
(Nervous chuckle)
No way to get up there.
Ha! Yeah, right.
It's not like valmont
owns a flying saucer.
Yeah, I mean,
we'd have to go
all the way to cape
whatchacall in Florida
to catch a rocket
to space--oof!
Ahh,
- very well, then.
Why couldn't it have
been the earth demon?
Jade.
Maybe a working
volcano exhibit
is too advanced for me.
Jackie?
Science project.
Valmont and his
cronies have been
spotted in Florida,
near cape canaveral.
I'm on my way.
Goin' on a mission, Jackie?!
Uh, no. Not
a mission. It's
A conference on
feng shui.
In Minnesota.
Want to come?
Um, I would Jackie,
but, you know
I have that new
science project
to cook up.
My goosebumps
are gettin' goosebumps.
I say we vote.
Anyone who doesn't
want to go orbital,
raise your hand.
Uh, we didn't count
valmont's vote.
Never mind valmont.
You will board that
spacecraft or you
will perish.
Unh.
No sign of the portal.
Let's keep it
that way.
Rocks and minerals
Dullsville.
Photosynthesis
Double dullsville.
(Sighs) Maybe I can get
inspired by the science
network.
Announcer: The launchpad
area has been cleared
for liftoff
of the experimental
space shuttle, saratoga,
which will later dock
with space station
niagara.
Hello.
Minnesota, hmm?
Announcer: Liftoff in
t-minus 30 seconds.
Oh, uh, don't we need
like, astronaut training?
Climb aboard!
Announcer: Countdown
at 10, 9
8, 7, 6
5, 4
3, 2
1
Liftoff.
We have liftoff.
Aah!
Black.
Tell uncle I have
a strong hunch
that the portal
belongs to the moon
demon.
(Machines hiss)
(Gasp)
(Gasp) Talk later!
Ah!
Whoa.
Ahh, liftoff, indeed.
Where are we?
What are you wearing?
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Uh, we're cruisin'
for la Luna, big v.
But that's impossible!
Who's piloting this craft?
Ahoy.
There has been
a grave error.
I demand you turn
this ship around, posthaste!
Aah!
(Screaming)
Aw.
Aah! Guh, guh
Hi, Jackie.
Jade!
Check out the monkey suit.
Literally.
But, how did you--
speed talisman.
Fastest way to get to
Minnesota.
Autopilot.
You can relax,
big v.
Major Matt monkey's
flying with
training wheels.
I feel so much better.
Ugh, those whirly rides
make me nauseous.
Space makes me nauseous.
The spinning
of the station creates
gravitational pull. See?
I am so
going to get an "a"
on my science project.
Secure the station.
Piece of cake. We're
the only ones here.
Let us ensure
utmost privacy.
Surveillance and
communications
systems
are down? How?
The monkey.
Now, we wait for this
station to intersect
with the portal
belonging to tso LAN.
And open her up
with this key.
I hope uncle
is on his way
with that chi spell.
This is a level 7 override.
My engineers will
take over from here.
Ok.
I have a second
shuttle prepped to
take you to Jackie.
Aiiyah! Do I look
like flash Gordon?
I am too old
to play space man!
But, if you do not go,
sensei, who will cast
the chi spell?
(Groans)
We are mere minutes
from the portal location.
Ready the pan ku box.
Uhh!
Well?!
Yo, chow
oh!
Whoa.
Chan!
Everybody's an astronaut.
Where is
the pan ku box?!
(Hissing)
(Snarls) Hak foo!
Retrieve it!
Unh!
You go, hak!
And you, simpletons,
get chan!
Jackie!
You use it!
Raaah!
Uhh!
Uhh!
The eagle has landed.
Tiger prowls
Through pudding.
Turtle fist!
Sloth kick!
Aah!
Uhh! (Gasp)
Oh, boy.
(Chuckling)
Flying monkey
snatches magic box.
Yaah!
Uhh!
Where is hak foo?!
The portal approaches.
No box, no demon.
Check, please!
(Chattering)
Good monkey.
Nice monkey.
No, cosmo! Run!
Give it up! Give it up!
(Cosmo
screeches)
Huh?
Yes.
Houston, we have a problem.
Get it.
Tso LAN, so good
to see you.
Skip the pleasantries, shendu.
I am interested only
in seizing control
of the moon's gravity
so that I may pull the ball
from its orbit.
But--but that'll wreck
all of earth's ecosystems.
How do you know?
I watch the science network.
Puhhht!
The child is correct.
And only then will earth's
landscape be to my liking.
Whoa! He wants to
kebosh the planet.
And you made us
let him out?
Just be glad you
are up here.
Duh-oh!
Argh! Ehh
You have joined us in time
to see the Nemesis of all
demon sorcerers destroyed.
This is Jackie chan?
No. That is.
Bwwaaaa!
Ah!
Oh!
Uhh!
Duh-ah!
Time to put out
the trash.
Uhh!
Shendu, I despise you.
I heard that.
It appears the pleasure
of destroying you
shall be mine alone.
A good chi spell
would be nice right now.
Tohru, can you hear me?
Wha-a-a-at?
You make faces at me!
WhuUhEh--
no, sensei.
Hiding only
delays the inevitable.
Hey
Lucky rabbit.
(Chittering)
Shoo! Shoo!
(Chittering)
(Screeching)
I see no one.
Uncle: Prepare
the chi spell,
then socialize!
Now, do you have
the lotus pod?
Check.
Jelly of jelly fish?
Check.
(Screeching)
Behold
My mastery of gravity.
And for you,
things look very grave.
Jackie, man the torpedo.
Full speed ahead!
Uhh!
Outta the park.
Uh-oh.
He's rolling down
moon river.
This is very bad.
We need uncle's
chi spell.
Earth to Jackie.
We're in space.
Where are we
gonna get a chi spell?
A lotus pod?
Isn't that?
The symbol
of the immortal
who originally
defeated tso LAN
the moon demon.
- Tohru?
- Tohru!
ButWhere's uncle?
Uncle, yelling: Tohru!
Do you or do you not
have nosehair of possum?!
Hmm
Could use a facelift.
Tall, dark, and creepy's
doing his moon-makeover thing.
Tohru, the chi spell.
Uncle: A spell can not work
if a demon is out of range
of the immortal's symbol!
How can we move
the immortal symbol
into range fast?
Jade: Duh!
Bad day!
Bad day! Bad day!
Jade, it's not safe.
So?
Eh, it's never safe.
I require assistance.
Awww, I thought
that's why you brought cosmo.
Where on earth
do I find a moon demon
on the moon?
Oh!
Behind you.
Heh. Hello.
You dare interrupt me
in my moment of triumph?
It's what I do.
Whuh!
Oh!
Oh
Where's the lotus pod?
You put it in your suit.
Found it.
Tohru, the incantation!
Uncle: Aiyaaa!
That is my job!
Uncle!
Hurry!
(Chanting)
(Uncle chanting)
An incantation?
(Chanting continues)
The lotus pod.
In order for it
to hex me,
you must remove
your helmet,
which you cannot do.
Oh! Grrr! Eh!
Then let me air this out.
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ah! (Breaths deeply)
Yesss!
(Cheering)
Right on!
So long, tso LAN.
My science product
is gonna rock!
Hey, Jackie,
if you weren't an actor,
what would you be?
I wanna be a pilot.
Oh, I just feel so cool.
Nothing cooler than pilot.
(Imitates plane flying)
Carrying the helmet,
wearing the suit,
walking
But slow-motion.
The track behind you--
with--with the glasses.
Just by yourself,
go to the place nobody knows,
you know.
Oh, just, I wanna be a pilot.