The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e15 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey.
How was school today?
Okay.
Alice made some of your favorite
cookies if you're hungry.
Good, I am.
Mm here, this is for you.
Oh.
Hey, it's an invitation
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
Who opened it?
I did, but it wasn't my fault.
Look at the envelope.
"Marcia Brady"?
How come my invitation
was addressed to you?
I don't know.
Lucy's your friend,
so I called her and checked it out.
Well, what did she say?
Well, you know, just one of those things.
She made a mistake
and put my name instead of yours.
JAN: Mom?
Yes, honey?
Did you hear about
Lucy Winter's invitation?
Well, I did hear Marcia calling about it.
( Sighs )
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does what always happen?
People are always forgetting who I am.
I'm always Marcia's younger sister
or Cindy's older sister.
I'm in the middle
and being in the middle
is like being invisible.
Oh, Jan, I really think you're
making too much out of this.
I mean, after all,
you are the one who
was invited to the party.
( Sighs )
They won't even know I'm there.
Jan Brady will, that's who.
Dad, can I talk to you?
Sure, Peter, just a minute.
( Whistling )
Peter, what is it you want?
Well, I was wondering if I could have
an advance on my allowance.
Advance on your allowance?
I just gave you your
allowance for this week.
Well, I was thinking more
like an advance on next week's.
What happened to this week's?
Well, I saw the chance
for a really great business deal,
so I leant everything I had to Jan
four dollars and 49 cents
at 20% interest.
What does Jan need all that money for?
She didn't say.
Well, what do you need the money for?
Well, I was invited
to Lucy Winter's birthday party, too.
So I guess I better get her a present.
Well, that's probably what
Jan wanted the money for.
How much do you need?
Mm 49 cents.
49 cents? Why exactly 49 cents?
Well, I figure that's how much she spent
on my birthday present,
so I don't want to embarrass her
by getting her something too good.
Well, that's very considerate, Peter.
Here, you owe me a penny.
Got it all ready.
There.
Thanks.
Look at that.
Good-bye, Peter.
Are you looking for someone, dear?
Oh, no, ma'am.
I'm looking for a wig.
You mean for yourself?
Yes, ma'am.
I think your own hair is nice.
I love it.
I don't know why you'd want to change it.
I think you'd probably know why
if you had two blonde sisters at home.
Oh, I see the problem.
We want a complete change, do we?
Yes, ma'am, that's what we want.
Well, now, what style
wig did you have in mind?
Oh, I don't know.
Something crazy kind of like
the style you're wearing.
It's my own hair.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Well, now let's see what we've got here.
There's "Early Rust," "Pompeii
Pumice," "Lunar Dust"
Here's no.
Hey, this one's kind of nice.
Oh, yes, that's your
"Midnight Temptress."
Listen, now don't you think
it's a little, uh mature?
Well, I'm older than I look I'm 12.
That old. You carry it very well.
Oh, thank you.
"Midnight Temptress," huh?
That's right.
Well, I don't think I'll be up that late.
Do you mind if I kind of look around?
Oh, not at all.
And listen, with each
and every purchase,
you get a free styrofoam head.
Hey, that one's kind of different.
No, no, no, no.
I wouldn't recommend that.
Why not?
It's a handbag,
and it should be over here.
Helen! Helen, how many times
do I have to tell you?
Never mix the merchandise, Helen.
It's tacky.
Well, I'll just keep looking.
It's so embarrassing for me.
A little girl almost walked out of the store
wearing this on her head.
Cindy, what are you looking for?
Hair ribbons.
I can't go to over to
Ginny's house without them
or she'll get mad.
Why?
Because they're her hair ribbons.
We swapped yesterday.
When was the last time you saw them?
Last night when I took them off.
Hey, maybe they're in the bathroom.
( Pounding on door )
Whoever it is, I'm in here.
CINDY: Jan, let me in.
I have to get my hair ribbons.
Come back later.
Come on, Jan, open up!
You let us in.
Grab her.
Jan, what happened?
The top of your head turned black.
Don't be silly, it's a wig.
Where'd you get that?
Oh, I bought it this morning.
What do you think?
Jan, I think it looks awful.
Who asked for your opinion?
Oh, I've always liked this dress on Jan.
( Mumbling )
You, too, huh?
Mm-hmm
( mumbling )
Yeah, I agree.
Well, I hope we got it right this time.
( Mumbling )
Honey, have you seen those
blueprints I brought home?
Alice, have you seen
Mr. Brady's blueprints?
( Mumbling )
She says they're upstairs
in the bedroom.
How could you tell what she said?
Oh, very simple.
( Chuckling ): Women.
Honey, listen, if you're going upstairs,
would you send Jan down?
I want her to try this on again.
Jan, you can't wear that
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
I don't see why not.
Because you'll look like
some kind of kook, that's why.
You're just jealous, Marcia.
Well, I'm not jealous.
Wait till my friends at the party see me.
You know what they'll say?
Mm-hmm, I can think of
a lot of things they'll say.
Very funny. They'll say
that for the first time
they've seen the real Jan Brady.
MIKE: Jan?
Uh-oh, that's Dad.
I don't want Mom or Dad to see me
before I'm all set.
Then you'd better get ready in a hurry.
Yeah.
MIKE: Jan?
( Whimpering )
Yes, Dad?
Your mother wants you.
Do you mean now?
Yes.
Right now?
Yes. That's what I said, right now.
You mean this very minute, now?
This very minute, now.
It's my hair I can't do a thing with it.
Hey, when's Peter coming back?
I don't know. He went to buy
a present for Lucy.
I got something I'd better tell him.
What?
Guess who's going to be
at Lucy Winter's party?
Who?
Margie Wipple
her brother told me.
The one Peter says is
always chasing after him?
Yeah, making those goofy eyes
at him and all that mush.
He's going to love seeing her.
We'd better warn him
when he gets back.
Hey, wait a minute.
What would happen if we didn't tell him
Margie Wipple was going to be there?
Then he wouldn't know
till he got to the party.
And spend the whole time
with Margie chasing after him get it?
That'd be a dirty trick to play on him.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
You wanted to see me, Mom?
Jan I thought you
washed your hair yesterday.
Oh, I did, but, uh, it needed it again.
Well, come on over here.
I want to check the length on this.
Couldn't we do it later?
Jan, honey, if you're going
to wear this to the party,
we've got to do it right now.
Okay.
CAROL: Come on.
Here, Alice, you hold it up
and I'll take a look.
Okay. Oh, you're really
going to knock 'em dead
at that party in this dress. Thank you.
Looks great goes so
well with your blond hair.
Hold still, Jan.
Oh, I think it looks fine, huh?
Mm, just right.
Mom, can we have a
Hey, what are you
supposed to be, a swami?
Very funny.
What's a swami?
It's like a fortune teller.
Tell us, swami,
what do you see in your crystal ball?
Yeah, tell our fortunes.
Oh, stop that.
What's the matter?
Did you lose your mystic powers?
Maybe they're under her hat.
( Gasps )
Jan!
What on earth?
( Boys laughing )
What's so funny?!
Nothing, nothing
if you want to look like Davy Crockett!
What's going on in here?
( Boys continue laughing )
She looks like she's got a skunk
sleeping on top of her head.
Go away! Just leave me alone!
Greg, Bobby, that's enough.
Here, Mrs. Brady.
Come on, guys.
I'll play you a game of two on one.
I don't see what's so funny
about my wig.
Jan, where did you get that?
I bought it.
With my own money.
Why?
Because I want to wear it.
I want to wear it
all the time from now on.
Honey, why?
I want to be me.
I'm tired of looking like everyone else.
I want to be Jan Brady.
But, honey, Jan Brady has blond hair.
Nobody notices that Jan Brady,
but they'll sure notice this Jan Brady.
Jan, a person doesn't
make himself different
just by putting on a wig.
It's what's inside that counts,
not the color of your hair.
Well, then, if the color of my
hair doesn't matter,
why can't I be a brunette?
Well, honey
Please can I wear it?
Please just to Lucy Winter's party.
Well if it means so much to you.
And if it's okay with your father.
Okay.
Oh, thanks, you'll see.
Things will be different
for me as a brunette.
I bet I'm the hit of Lucy's party tonight.
How do you think Kitty
Karry-All would look
with black hair?
The same as Jan silly.
You think you're so smart.
All you'd have to do is take
a look at the three of us.
Which one do you think
people would notice?
Me I'm the shortest.
Pliers.
Does this look like pliers?
Mm-mm.
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
( laughs )
What's so funny?
Nothing.
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm going to wrap Lucy Winter's present.
( laughing )
Oh, that's right.
The party is tonight.
That ought to be a lot of fun.
Yeah fun.
( Giggles )
What's the matter with him?
Nothing.
( Giggles )
He's just got the giggles.
Okay something's up.
What is it?
Nothing at all.
Come on, Bobby, you know something.
Tell me.
No, I don't.
I'll tickle you.
No!
Tell me. No!
Talk!
( laughing ): Stop tickling.
Not until you tell me.
All right, all right, all right.
I'll tell you.
Somebody is going to be at the party.
Who?
Somebody.
Who?!
Margie Margie Wipple!
Oh, no.
No
You'll have a great time, Pete.
Yeah, great, with her chasing me
and making dumb faces all night?
I'm not going.
You gotta go.
You can't promise to go and take Jan
and then not do it not unless
you were sick or something.
Yeah, well, just the same, I
What's the matter?
Boy am I beginning to feel sick.
So I thought you'd better
take a look at Peter.
Yeah. He doesn't sound good.
He's kind of moaning.
And groaning.
When did this happen?
Just a little while ago.
All of the sudden.
CAROL: Never a dull
moment around here.
( Footsteps approaching )
( Moaning )
( Moaning )
Peter, what's wrong?
I don't know.
I just don't feel so good.
It kind of hit him all of a sudden.
Yeah, like lightning.
I think you boys better leave us alone.
Sure, Dad.
Where does it hurt, Peter?
Kind of all over.
It's sort of a traveling pain.
When did it start?
Just a little while ago.
I guess I'll have to miss
Lucy Winter's terrific party.
It's that bad, is it?
Yeah, I'll have to miss it all right.
Boy, am I unhappy about that.
Yes, we can see that.
Mike, don't you think
we better call the doctor.
Oh yeah, right away.
Doctor?
Well, I'll be all right.
See, I can sit up a little.
Dear, I really think it's better
if you stay in bed.
At least for a couple of days.
But I have a ball game tomorrow.
Not if you're sick.
Wait, I'll be all right.
I feel much better now.
I'm sorry, Peter, but we
can't take any chances.
Look.
I'm not sick anymore, see?
Can I play in the game tomorrow?
Please?
Well just to make sure
you're okay, Peter,
you can take your sister
to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
If you're okay after that,
then you can play.
CAROL: That's a good idea, Mike.
I know Peter would just hate
to miss that party.
Yeah, I can hardly wait.
Come on, Peter.
What's the matter with you?
You act like you were going
to the electric chair.
It'd be better than facing that Margie.
I think I'll lock myself in a closet.
Well, you may not have a good time,
but the new Jan Brady
is going to be a smash.
Now, you go first and
sort of announce me.
I want to make a big entrance.
Oh, hi, Peter.
Hi, Lucy, happy birthday.
Thank you.
Margie, Peter is here!
Did you have to do that?
Hi, Peter.
How are you?
Where's Jan?
Oh, okay, everybody!
Here's my sister, the new Jan Brady!
Hi, there.
Happy birthday, Lucy.
Hi, Margie.
Hi.
Jan, that's terrific.
Thanks.
That's the funniest joke
you've ever played.
( All laugh )
You really look funny.
Hey! That'd be great
for Halloween.
( All laugh )
Halloween?
Yeah, Halloween.
What's the matter with her?
Lucy, she didn't mean it to be a joke.
You mean, she wasn't kidding?
Nope.
( Dramatic music playing on television )
Oh, honey, wasn't that good?
Is that over?
"Is it over?"
You were the one
who wanted to watch it!
Sure. It was one of my favorite shows.
( laughs )
Oh, I'm gonna get you.
( laughs )
CAROL: Jan?
Hi, there.
Honey, what's the matter?
They laughed at me.
They thought my wig was a joke.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Mom, Dad, you were right.
I guess I do look
like some kind of a freak in this thing.
Honey, you just don't look like you.
Well, Jan, your friends
like you the way you are.
I sure wasted my money on that thing.
Oh, well I'm not so sure.
Maybe you learned a
valuable lesson very cheaply.
Why didn't you wait, Jan?
I would have walked you home.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
Hi, Lucy. Hello, girls.
Jan, we're really sorry.
We didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
We thought the wig had to be a joke.
Your own hair, it's so pretty.
We all envy it.
You do?
Will you come back
to the party with us, please?
Well
Oh, honey, why don't you?
Well
I'd like to, I guess.
Okay.
Come on.
Hey, come on, Peter.
No chance.
Hey, Peter, I thought
we had an agreement.
Oh, yeah
Okay, I'll go.
Yeah, he's shy.
Like father, like son.
Like heck.
Ah!
Oh, uh
Uh I-I didn't
( chuckles nervously )
Jan gave it to me.
What do you think, Mrs. Brady?
Oh oh, well, I, uh, think it's, uh
Well what I mean is, it's, uh
Well what do you think, Mike?
Uh, uh well I think it's, uh
I mean it's certainly got a lot of, uh
I think I need a third opinion.
Alice, what do you think?
It's unanimous.
Oh, well I can always shave
it and use it for a shower cap.