The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s02e15 Episode Script

If you're going ashore, the gangway is on level 1.
Watch your step.
You don't want to slip on the iiiiiii-ice! Oh, I got you.
( Crashes ) ( Groaning ) Mr.
moseby, are you okay? ( Whimpers ) I tried to move but my feet were frozen to the deck.
- I hate the cold.
- Me too.
But I've never been to Sweden and I thought this might be my only chance to see the abba museum.
You're a fan of abba?! - Yeah.
- Me too! Oh yes! I've seen "mamma Mia" over 60 times.
You know, after the shows I'd wait by the stage door to get autographs-- till the cast got that restraining order and then Well, that's cool And not at all creepy.
I'm just saying-- you look like a traffic cone in a war zone.
Make fun, but this keeps me warm and toasty during hunting season.
- I thought you loved animals.
- Oh, I do.
I go into the forest to warn them.
( Gasps ) Look, I must have left my elk call in here.
( Laughs, squawking call ) Oh, we must be docked close to the forest.
I can hear the mating call of the elk.
Actually that was me.
Oh, well then.
( Moaning elk noise ) I wish it were dork hunting season.
Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! ( Orchestra music playing ) This herring festival is off the hook.
- ( Laughs ) Get it? - ( Gagging ) It smells like rotting fish.
It is rotting fish, a fermented herring delicacy the locals call surstromming.
( Laughing ) Hook-- now I get it.
You're not actually going to eat that, are you? Please.
If I can handle mom's cooking, I can handle anything.
( Retches ) So is it good? Wow, look how fast the vomit freezes.
Oh! I guess I don't have the hearty nordic constitution of our ancestors here.
I can't believe you guys are related - to knut and olaf martens.
- Yup.
Our ancestors founded martensgrav.
And having eaten their food, now I know why they left.
Well, I for one am glad I'm back.
Hey, "Swede" thing.
Hej, I'm dorta.
That must be Swedish for whoo, ah oogga! ( Pants ) Lucky you're cute.
I'm Zack Martin, of the martens family.
( Gasps ) Really? A martens? - In the flesh? - Well, under nine sweaters and a coat.
( Giggles ) Man: Dorta! That's my father.
He can't see us together.
How can he know I'm trouble from that far away? Look! Cody, can you win me something? One Teddy moose coming up.
( Groans ) I think my jacket is restricting me.
( Exhales ) Ahhhhhh! Guess it wasn't the jacket.
Well, obviously this game is fixed so that no one ever wins.
( Bell clangs ) What does she have in that purse? Whatever it is, I bet you can't lift it.
Moseby: I just need to make a quick stop at umaka.
So that I can get a little part for my haggeboda.
Fine.
I'll just warm up my little parts over here.
Oh, valkommen to umaka! - Thank you.
Now I-- - please take a number.
But we're the only customers here.
I can't help you without a number.
Okay okay okay okay.
I'll do that.
Okay, I'm number five.
- Now helping number - ( Bell dings ) One.
Two Three Okay, there's no one else here! Please, sir, wait your turn.
- Four? - ( Phone rings ) Umaka, Helga speaking.
Oh, hi, Astrid.
Oh, ja, just working.
It's so crazy busy over here.
( Gasps ) You are at the abba museum? I love that place.
Ja Oh, ja! Ja? Oooh, ja.
Hej da.
Number five.
Ha, that's me! I'm here.
Present.
- How may I help you? - Okay, 20 years ago I bought this haggeboda nightstand, and as you can see it's missing a screw.
Oh, ja ja, I do see.
I am happy to help you.
You just need to fill out one little form.
- ( Thuds ) - ( Screams ) This thing must be 200 pages! You don't have to fill out page 86 Unless you need a screw.
Please feel free to fill it out in our super-comfy waiting area.
I'm telling you all these games are rigged.
Let's face it-- if you want something, you're gonna have to buy it.
Let's go shopping, elma fudd.
Hey, Cody, get the camera.
Why? Want to take a picture in front of our viking forefathers? Naw, I want to get a shot of your frozen puke.
It's gonna be here till, like, June.
Valkommen to martensgrav.
I hope you are enjoying the festival.
- Ja.
- I'm ragnar, the mayor of martensgrav.
Ah, pleasure to meet you.
I'm Cody, and this is my brother Zack.
It just so happens that we are descendants of knut and olaf here.
You are martens? Yeah, can't you tell from my chiseled viking features? No.
But since you're martens, we would be honored if you two would participate in the annual fishenflagen.
( Laughs ) Fishenflagen.
I wonder if that hot girl dorta will be there, huh? You mean my daughter dorta? And by hot, I meant that she looks slightly feverish.
You might want to shove her into a snow-bank.
He means we would be delighted to participate, Mr.
mayor.
Wonderful! People of martensgrav, as you know, we normally conduct the fishenflagen with the statues, but today we are honored to have actual martens.
( Cheering ) Thank you, all.
It is an honor to be here representing our family and thank you for including us in your festival.
Let the fishenflagen begin! Why are they throwing herring at us? At least it's not the swordfish festival.
Ah! Finally done.
Ow, I think my legs have fallen asleep.
Oh yeah, they have.
( Thuds ) - ( Whimpers ) - ( Bell rings ) Six.
What?! No, wait! - ( Bell rings ) - Seven.
I'm five.
What happened to five? - Eight.
- Eight! - Get the thing.
- Nine? Nine! Nine! How may I help you? I just finished filling out your stunningly-detailed parts request form.
- ( Bell dings ) - Oooh, time for lunch.
What do you mean "loonch"? That's a "boonch" of malarkey.
We've been waiting here for hours.
Aw, forget it, Mr.
moseby.
Life is too short.
Can't you just buy another nightstand? Of course I can, but I won't! It's the principle of the thing.
But I want to go to the abba museum! Oh, ja ja, you should.
It's wonderful.
Well, I'll be back in an hour.
Please feel free to wait in our super- Comfy waiting area.
You hear that? We got an hour.
Come on, let's go to the museum.
What? No! That barely gives us enough time to get through the platform shoe pavilion.
Let's go across the street to the surstromming restauran.
- You like fermented herring? - Heck no! - But they got real chairs.
- Ahhh.
- I smell like shamu's urinal.
- At least it's over.
( Laughs ) That fishenflagen was fun! - You threw fish at us?! - Sorry, guys.
It was crowded.
We wouldn't have thrown them if we'd known it was you.
Even if it was fun.
( Laughs ) Boys, that was just wonderful.
- Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- Oh, we did! It's much more fun having real martens here.
When you throw herring at the statues, they don't shriek like little girls.
Look, you have no right to treat us like this.
This town is named after our ancestors.
Ja, and your ancestors almost ruined this town.
( Mayor's voice ) It was a bitterly cold night.
Knut and olaf were supposed to be guarding the town's herring catch.
Hey, knut.
This saga of leif ericson is just wonderful.
It talks of a huge land mass west of the ocean.
( Laughs ) Olaf! You make me laugh.
Everyone knows if you go west you fall off the world.
Hey, there.
You must be from faloon, because you got me "faloon" head over heels.
Eyes on the herring, not on me.
( Mayor's voice ) And knut was striking out with my great- great-great-great- grandmother, a Scandinavian brown bear crept up and stole the town's entire herring catch! The town nearly starved and the martens' name has been reviled ever since.
Oh, that's ridiculous! We all know bears don't eat fish.
They eat jars of honey and hang out with tigers and piglets.
( Mayor's voice ) If it weren't for ragnar I heroically tracking down the bear and returning the herring, this town would have starved to death.
People of martensgrav, knut and olaf have let us down, but I, ragnar the brave, have saved the day! Now let's put them on a longship and shove them off the end of the earth! Crowd: Yeah! Ewww! Ow, my helmet.
Ow, my back.
But here you are, so I guess that proves the earth is round.
Hey, Eric, I owe you 20 kroner.
It kinda happened a long time ago.
Can't you just let it go? No, I can't.
This is a claw from the thieving bear; been passed down through generations of my family.
I keep it as a reminder of that night.
Plus it's good for opening bottles.
( Pops ) Let's just get the stupid screw and go to the abba museum.
Mamma Mia! Number 37.
So while I was in the shower, I was thinking about ragnar's story, and something seemed fishy.
Are you sure that wasn't the smell of your hair? All right, Cody, just forget the whole thing.
Look, they're serving hot chocolate.
Obviously.
Who would be dumb enough to order a smoothie? ( Whooshing ) ( Laughs ) Is my smoothie ready? Um, how am I supposed to drink that? Easy.
- Smoothsicle.
- ( Gasps ) Ragnar said that olaf was reading the saga of leif ericson.
But leif ericson wasn't born until 970-- a good 50 years after knut and olaf "supposedly" lost the herring.
So? So if that fact is wrong maybe the whole story is wrong.
We have to get back there and clear our family's name.
Nothing on earth would make me go back to that herring hole.
Zack, I "snook" away from my father.
I "vish" there was some way we could be together.
There will be.
As soon as I clear my family's name.
You see, I was just telling my brother that there was no way olaf could have been reading about that leafy guy because he wasn't even born until long after the herring heist.
Oh, you are so schmart.
( Mocking accent ) Uh-huh, ja ja, the schmartest.
If only there were some record of that time.
Well, there is my ancestor's diary, which my father keeps under lock and key like it's some big giant secret.
Hello! Didn't it occur to you that it might actually be some big giant secret? No, it didn't.
( Gasps ) Sometimes I'm such a dumb brunette.
Help! Tongue stuck! - ( Dings ) - Number 99.
Dancing queen! Oh! Okay, hi.
Valkommen to umaka, how may I help you? If you remember I filled out the parts form.
Ah! Ah ah.
Oh, I am not seeing it.
All I have here is one for a woman named Marion.
- That woman is him.
- She is me.
Oh, in that case, I'm very sorry Ma'am.
This should take no time at all though, ja.
Thank goodness.
Everything seems to be in order.
I "yust" need to know the name of your screw.
All right, the next herring chili I will judge comes from a last-minute entry from gunnel and gustava.
- I'm gunnel.
- And I'm-- the other one.
You will like our herring chili.
Ja! I will be the judge of that.
Ja! Oh, let us feed you, Mr.
mayor.
- Ooops.
- ( Gasps ) Sweet stellen skarsgard, that's hot.
Ja! Bailey: Oopsy-Daisy, we are so clumsy.
Oh, ja! Let us clean you.
We are so clumsy.
- Oh, ja.
- Let us clean you up.
It might be the tolestorp.
But it could also be the vanersvick.
Jerkface! Hey, I'm doing the best I can.
No no, that's the name of the screw I need.
Jerkface! Ah, you mean the yerkafassa.
Yerkafassa, okay.
- One yerkafassa.
- ( Chuckling ) Ja.
Ja.
Ja.
We no longer make that screw.
What am I supposed to do with this stupid nightstand?! - Uh - The-the-- the drawer's supposed to glide smoothly.
Ja, yust yiggle it.
No no no no no! I don't want to "yiggle" it.
I'm tired of yiggling it! I want you to fix this stupid piece of yunk! I mean junk! I am so sorry.
I would love to help you but there's nothing more I can do.
Okay.
I have wasted enough of my life on this.
I give up.
Come on, Marcus, let's get to the abba museum - before it closes, hmm? - No! - This is bigger than abba.
- ( Gasps ) But, Marcus, you were right.
I mean, come on! It's just a nightstand.
No, you were right.
It's not just a nightstand.
It's the principle.
Now listen, Helga, we are not leaving this store until we are satisfied! Oh boy.
Okay, I suppose I could look the other way and exchange your haggeboda for the new nybygdn model.
Oh, yes yes! I'll take the nagabag-- the bada-- ba-byebye.
Wonderful! We will have it brought down just as soon as you finish the exchange forms.
Ow! Oooh! Oh, father, we need to talk to you.
What are you doing with this martens? I told you he's no good.
No, you're no good.
You're a liar! - ( Gasps ) - Do you know what the penalty is for making false accusations against the mayor? Uh uh, another fishenflagen? No! A reindeer-poopenflagen.
Oooh, me first! - London.
- Sorry.
We found what you've been hiding in your haggeboda nightstand.
- My keys.
- Right here, along with your great-great-great-great-- - great.
- Thank you.
--Grandmother's diary.
Dorta translated the diary for me and now I know the truth.
Turns out Ingrid was madly in love with knut-- not a big surprise.
We martens men have a big knack for that.
But her father was not happy about it.
I'm sick of the martens.
They think they own this town, cruising around in that tricked-out dragon ship of theirs.
They come knocking, don't let them in.
- But, father! - Silence.
That knut is no good.
Trust me, you will soon see.
It's true that knut and olaf were in charge of guarding the herring, but they took their job very seriously.
( Footsteps ) Who goes there? It is me-- Ingrid.
I could not stay away.
( Spear clatters ) Ingrid, you are hotter than a viking funeral.
Aren't we supposed to be guarding the herring? You're right.
I cannot leave my post.
- ( Growls ) - ( Screams ) Zack: Knut and olaf ran to protect Ingrid, letting the bear take the herring.
"Jears" later, long after knut and olaf had been banished, Ingrid discovered the truth.
She was cleaning out her family's root cellar when she came across a bear costume.
It was your great-great-great - great-great-great-- - great.
Thank you.
Again.
--Grandfather who dressed as a bear ( Laughing ) And stole the herring to discredit the martens.
Herring today, gone tomorrow.
But it was too late for poor Ingrid.
The love of her life had been sent across the ocean to fall off the edge of the earth.
Ragnar I pretended to rescue the herring and your family's been living off that good will for years.
- ( Townspeople gasp ) - That's all ancient history.
Please, people, let's just enjoy the festival.
Get him! Once again, thank you, Marcus.
I cannot tell you what a relief it is to know that I never have to "yiggle" again.
Yeah, well, glad I could help.
And it was worth it.
This nybygdn is a lot nicer than the haggeboda.
Huh! ( Chuckles ) Okay, now hand me the last screw.
Uh, there aren't any more.
Uh, but the drawer guide needs one more screw.
It might need it, but it ain't here.
( Stammers ) It has to be here.
It has to! It has to be here! It has to be-- no-oooo!