Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e16 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour a three hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on the shore ♪
of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan the skipper too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪♪
[pleasant music]
Skipper!
Skipper!
Skipper!
What is it, gilligan?
What have you got there?
I don't know but it's
puttin' up a terrible fight.
Here. Let me help you.
[Grunting]
Well, don't let it bite you
when you take the hook out.
Skipper, look.
Look, gilligan! A crate of food!
This is great!
After having coconuts for so
long, anything'd be a treat.
Yes!
(Together) Coconuts.
Well, at least we've got
some newspapers to read.
Maybe we can fill up on the food ads.
Hey, gilligan, that's
a Honolulu newspaper.
Well, listen to this.
I can't believe it! It's about us.
I haven't talked to any
reporters lately. Have you?
"Survivors of the minnow,
which left Honolulu
"immediately after the murder
are being sought for questioning."
Murder?
"All other suspects have been
cleared, and it's believed
"that one of the seven persons
aboard the missing minnow
is the killer."
Skipper. I got it!
- I know who did the murder.
- You know who did it?
- The Butler.
- We don't have a Butler.
I used to watch everything on TV
and it was always the Butler.
- We don't have a Butler.
- Case of the wrinkled minks.
Everyone thought the maid was
guilty, but it was the Butler.
Gilligan
he didn't look like a murderer
but that didn't fool Perry Mason.
He whispered something to Drake,
who ran out of the courtroom.
Gilligan, we don't have
then he ran right back in
and whispered to Mr. Mason.
Mr. Mason stood up
and pointed his finger
at the Butler and said,
"there is your murderer."
Alright, gilligan, it is the Butler.
We don't have a Butler.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Oh, yeah.
Sit down and try
and reason this thing out.
Now, what's happened
in every murder case
that you ever read about?
- Somebody gets killed.
- Right!
Gilligan, I give up.
Don't worry, I got a few ideas.
We've to look for the most
innocent-looking person.
That person will be guilty.
- The most innocent-looking?
- Yeah.
And which one of us might that be?
It's the professor, naturally.
He's the most innocent-looking
person, so he's gotta be guilty.
The professor wouldn't kill a fly, gilligan.
Yeah, he's saving up his
strength to kill people.
I'm gonna sneak out
and warn the others.
No, you're not.
We're going over and talking
to the professor together.
That way, I'll prove to you
that he's not a killer.
Oh, gentlemen, you're just in time.
We are?
- We gotta get out of here.
- Oh, wait, gilligan.
I wanna show you how this operates.
Especially since I designed it for you.
- Me?
- Is that what I think it is?
A guillotine? Yes.
And believe me.
It's going to eliminate a lot of manpower.
I believe you.
Watch how simple it's going
to be to chop coconuts.
And it never misses.
We'll see you later, professor.
I think my little buddy here has
developed kind of a sore throat.
I can take care of that.
Never mind.
- Are you alright, little buddy?
- I think so, skipper.
- Skipper, Mary Ann and ginger..
- What about them?
We gotta warn them about the professor.
Well, we have no proof that
the professor is the murderer.
Oh no?
Who else here on the island
owns a loaded guillotine?
- Oh, good, we got here in time.
- In time for what?
We've something important to tell you.
Now, wait a minute, gilligan.
Let's not get all excited.
I mean, it's very possible,
you know, that we..
- What are you girls cooking?
- Poison.
- Poison?
- Poison?
Yeah, we found some wild
oleander on the island.
Oleanders?
Well, but, girls, that stuff can be deadly.
So we heard.
Keep stirring, Mary Ann,
otherwise it'll spoil.
Yeah, spoiled poison
can be very bad for you.
Would you mind telling us what
you're making the poison for?
To get rid of the mice around the huts.
To get rid of the..
Did you hear that, gilligan?
To get rid of the mice around the hut.
- Oh, really?
- 'That's right.'
if it works, we're gonna get rid
of some other horrible creatures
around here, too.
Oh, what was it you wanted to tell us?
Oh, never mind, ginger.
We'll see you later, girls.
Gilligan, what are you doing?
Trying to keep from getting
killed while I'm still alive.
For goodness sakes, will you forget it?
Well, what about the professor
and his guillotine?
The professor made that
to split open the coconuts.
We've got to believe that
until we can prove otherwise.
It's gonna be pretty hard
to prove otherwise
when your head's rolling
around the basket.
- Will you take it easy?
- How about Mary Ann and ginger?
Making soup out of poisoned flowers.
We're not sure the girls
were making soup.
Skipper, when I go, I want
the flowers on the outside
not on the inside.
- Will you take it easy?
- Don't forget, skipper.
Before we were shipwrecked, we
didn't know any of these people.
That's right. We don't know
anything about the professor?
What he is, where he's from?
He might not even be a professor.
What about ginger and Mary Ann?
They say they're girls,
but how do we know?
You better see your eye doctor.
It might be a very clever disguise.
Forget it, Sherlock.
Maybe the paper'll
give us some other clue.
Let's see, it says here
they're looking for the witnesses
in the Blake murder case.
"They've shed no light on the.."
[Mumbling]
Skipper, does it say
how Mr. Blake was killed?
Yes, gilligan. He was killed
with a spear gun.
The kind of gun you use under water.
That's it. We need to find
who can shoot a spear gun
and we got the murderer.
To fire a spear gun, all you need
is a finger on the trigger.
Oh! The professor and the girls
are still good suspects.
They got fingers.
Gilligan, please. I'm trying to think.
Me too.
We have three suspects.
- The howells are innocent.
- That's one nice thing.
The only thing they'd be
guilty of is having money.
That's right. And another thing is if..
Wait a minute, gilligan.
How do we know the
howells are that rich?
They had a whole trunkful of money.
But how do we know they didn't steal it?
When you're that rich,
you don't have to steal.
Gilligan, I think all that fancy
rich talk is just a front.
I'll bet maybe the howells are the killers.
I don't see any evidence. Let's go.
Gilligan, start looking for something
that will tie them in
with the Blake murder case.
Letters, diary, notes Something.
Oh! Gilligan.
Look, little buddy, look what I found.
A gun.
Mr. Howell never told us
he had one of these.
I think I found something.
Feels like a newspaper.
Good going!
You know how criminals are.
They like to see their names in the paper.
- Where'd you find this?
- Mr. Howell's pants' pockets.
Well, it says..
"Survivors of the minnow.."
For goodness sakes, you didn't
find this in howell's pocket
you found it in my pocket!
- Shh.
- Me shh?
You're the one who's doing
all the shouting.
Teddy bear fell off. I'll go get it.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Gilligan!
- Who said that?
Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.
Gilligan, be quiet.
What was that, dear?
- I didn't say anything.
- Oh.
I was just talking to gilligan.
Gilligan?
And the skipper!
I didn't hear anybody knock.
Did you, thurston?
What are you two doing here?
Well, Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
it's just the idea..
W-we thought we saw
a wild animal run in here.
- Oh, good gracious!
- What was it?
- A lion.
- A bear.
Don't you even know which?
- It was a bear.
- A lion.
- It was a bear lion.
- Bear lion?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I think he went out this way!
Here, kitty, kitty. Here, lion.
Inadequate police protection.
[Thinking] Somebody
on the island a murderer?
Who?
Mary Ann? Ginger?
Mr. Howell? The professor?
[Skipper thinking] Five
people. And one of them a killer.
Which one?
What if it isn't any of them?
What if it's.. Could it be?
Skipper?
How well do I really know him?
Three women, two men.
Wait a minute!
What about gilligan?
What do I really know about gilligan?
Am I sleeping in the
same room with the killer?
Sure, skipper calls me his little buddy.
But what does that prove?
Gilligan, his bungling, that
disarming grin on his face.
Could it all be an act?
Behind his laughing blue eyes
is there a loaded revolver
ready to kill me in my sleep?
Is gilligan really gilligan?
Or a master criminal
capable of slaying me
right here in the middle of the night?
Maybe he thinks I know too much.
Ridiculous! Gilligan
couldn't be that smart.
On the other hand, if he
thought I suspected him
he might decide..
I'm getting out of here.
I know one thing.
If I'm gonna be killed in my
sleep, I wanna be awake.
[Snoring]
[Pleasant music]
Toodle-doo, little buddy.
[Exclaiming]
Put that down!
Skipper, don't kill me.
Please don't kill me.
I'm not gonna kill you. Or anybody else.
- Can I put my hands down?
- Yes, of course you can.
Oh, little buddy, look.
We got all worked up last night.
What with the murder and everything.
Well, it's broad daylight now.
What I'm trying to say is..
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too, skipper.
I feel bad about not trusting you.
I know you're not guilty.
And I know you're not guilty.
Shall we start working
back on the case again?
Yes, I've given it a lot of thought.
Yeah, me too.
And seems to me the obvious
suspect is still the Butler.
Gilligan, how many times must I tell you.
There's no Butler on this island!
Upstairs maid?
How could there be?
We don't have any upstairs.
I guess I'll just have to cross her out
do you have any ideas
who killed Randolph Blake?
Of course, with everybody
acting so suspicious
it's really hard to tell, but..
Say, maybe that newspaper
clipping will give us a clue.
That's funny. It's gone!
Maybe somebody else
is wearing your pants.
Please, gilligan, this is no time for jokes.
If the murderer picks up the clipping
and learns we're on his trail,
do you now what can happen?
- No. What?
- We could get killed!
- Dead?
- Dead!
Lovey, you know I take my stroll
at precisely 9 o'clock.
Yes, but I can't find a parasol.
No wonder you can't.
This place is in such disorder.
Yes, I know.
Those girls have been lax
about taking care of our huts.
Well, that's one thing I cannot tolerate.
Remind me to cut their salary.
But, darling, you don't
pay them anything.
Remind me not to give them
their Christmas bonus.
Look at this. Polo mallet upside down.
Swagger stick not tilted toward Oxford.
Newspapers all over the place.
"Survivors of the minnow sought
in the Blake murder case."
Oh, isn't that marvelous!
That's the first newspaper
delivered since we arrived here.
Must have fallen out of
the skipper's pocket last night.
You know, I wanted to
talk to you about that.
I can't remember
inviting them last evening.
'"Officials trace killer to the minnow.'
"believe one of the seven
aboard is responsible
for the death of Randolph Blake."
You see, I was right.
I haven't invited them in over a week.
Lovey!
There's a murderer here on this island.
Professor! Professor!
Look, we've gotta talk to you.
Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
You're just in time to see
my marvelous new invention.
- It's a guillotine for
- a guillotine?
- For chopping?
- Exactly. Watch.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Oh, isn't that magnificent?
Isn't that magnificent?
Notice how neatly it..
I don't see why we have to make
up the howell's hut everyday.
Oh, we don't have to, but I like
to be helpful and thoughtful.
After all, when we get off the island
Mr. Howell owns a movie studio.
Ginger. Look!
Murder? They think one
of us is a murderer!
Where do we go? Where do we hide?
The professor. He'll protect us.
Professor! We've gotta talk to you.
Girls! I've been waiting for you.
[Screaming]
Why, it's just a guillotine that I..
Well, I should be thanked
for making the task easier.
You girls have been complaining
about splitting coconuts and..
- Murder?
- Don't come any closer.
I'll scream.
So that's why everyone's
been acting so strangely.
How're we supposed to act
with a murderer loose?
Especially if he has a head chopper.
No one will ever use that
for anything but coconuts.
- What about that story?
- What if he's on this island?
Well, certainly there's cause for concern.
On the other hand
it's difficult to think of
one of us as a killer.
- What are we supposed to do?
- Well, Mary Ann.
Mustn't lose faith.
Simple matter of trusting each other.
We must not be suspicious.
Agreed?
Okay.
- I agree.
- I agree, too.
I agree too.
I agree.
- Agreed.
- Uh, both of us.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this has got to stop.
We've all reached a point where
we're afraid of our own shadow.
Exactly! What are we gonna do?
We can't go on living like this.
Only one thing to do.
Put our cards on the table.
Yeah. Let's play old maid. That's fun.
Gilligan, stop that!
What I had in mind, gilligan,
is that we all tell the truth.
And I, for one, am willing to start.
I not only knew Randolph Blake,
but I was very angry with him
the night we left Honolulu.
He did it! He did it!
I had written a paper on marine biology
which he claimed for his own.
I faced him with the fact.
I argued with him.
And I left him.
But very much alive.
Yes, very much alive.
Randolph Blake, uh, happened
to be one of my employees.
He managed a store that was
part of the ho well chain.
The only one that was losing money.
Blake was stealing it.
You know how a ho well
feels about money.
- He did it! He did it!
- No no no. I didn't harm him.
We had a heated argument, yes indeed!
His murder, absolutely no.
I might as well admit something, too.
I was with Randolph Blake
the night before we sailed.
(Gilligan) 'She did it! She did it!'
she looks like a girl, but
it's a clever disguise.
Gilligan, would you be quiet?
I had a date with Randolph
the night before we sailed
and he told me that he was going
to marry somebody else.
I got furious, and I slapped his face.
But that was all.
That was all that happened.
I knew Mr. Blake, too.
He was from my hometown.
I recognized him in the store.
He and my father were partners.
And he forced my father into bankruptcy.
She did it! She did it!
I told him what I thought
of him, he laughed.
- And you?
- I lost my temper.
And then?
I cried and ran out!
Alright. Here we have four suspects.
Uh, five. I didn't really
like him very much either.
- She did it! She did it!
- Alright, then five.
All five with both opportunity and motive.
That's how it always is.
- What is?
- The last part of Perry Mason.
They get all the suspects together
and they all look innocent, until..
- Until what?
- Until the commercial.
And then they reenact the crime.
Oh, will you stop showing
what a knucklehead you are!
Now hold it, skipper.
He may have something there.
Very often the guilty party
does reveal himself
when reenacting the crime.
Is everyone willing?
- Yes.
- Sure.
Alright. Let's arrange for it
as soon as possible.
There, gilligan. How does that look?
Couldn't we make it into
a candy store instead?
You get in there.
Now then, where's that spear gun?
Oh, here it is, gilligan.
Look at that. The murder weapon.
Professor sure made one
that looks real, didn't he?
Looks awful dangerous, too.
Now, whoever killed Blake
will get in a fight with him
and bam!
Oh, I sure wouldn't want to be Mr. Blake.
- That reminds me, little buddy.
- Oh no, you don't!
Why me? Why always me?
Now there, little buddy.
You have nothing to worry about.
Then how come I'm shaking?
I'll slap the cuffs on him
the minute he kills you.
- What?
- Uh, when he tries to kill you.
Oh, here they come. You ready?
Good evening, Mr. Randolph Blake.
I understand that you've
been dipping into the till!
I wouldn't take a dime.
Not if you gave it to me.
- I think you're a horrible man!
- But honest, real honest.
You deserve a sound
thrashing, Mr. Blake.
I shall do even more than that!
[Dramatic music]
- Now, skipper. Now.
- What's he doing?
He's reaching for the spear gun!
- You have a dime, lovey?
- Don't be ridiculous.
Of course I haven't got a dime.
Then I shall use the phone
in one of our cars.
That clears the howells.
- Randolph, I wanna see you.
- Sorry, the store is closed.
I worked seven years on that
scientific paper you stole.
What're you so nervous about
a piece of paper for?
I got a whole pad of papers.
I intend to see to it that
you never steal anything
from anyone ever again.
What're you gonna do?
What should have been done years ago.
[Dramatic music]
As of tomorrow, sir.
Your subscription
to the scientific quarterly
shall be cancelled.
That clears the professor.
- I'm here, Randolph.
- Mr. Blake left an hour ago.
I'm just his good friend, honest gilligan.
- Come here.
- Funny look in your eyes.
They tell me that you're
getting married next week.
Yeah, you'll get an invitation. Honest.
I could make you forget her.
- Kiss me.
- No.
Kiss me, Randolph.
You irresistible hunk of man.
Please, you're wrinkling my lab coat!
What of it? You're Randolph!
But I'm engaged!
Well! In that case, there's
only one thing I can do.
Oh no. There's lots of things.
Just think hard.
No! You know what they say
about a woman scorned?
No. What do they say
about a woman scorned?
[Dramatic music]
You'll pay for this.
I shall never date you again.
Skipper, I'm still alive.
Wait a minute, gilligan.
Now, Mary Ann hasn't had
a shot at you yet.
Yeah, that's right.
Because of you my father
ended up in the poorhouse.
Couldn't we send him something
like chicken soup?
You don't deserve to live!
- Skipper!
- Wait till she grabs the gun!
- It might be too late.
- Get up there.
Nothing you can say will
make me change my mind.
- Nothing?
- Nothing!
[Dramatic music]
You're terrible. I hate you!
That's the last one and I'm still alive.
- That's too bad.
- Too bad?
- We've got to start all over.
- Again?
Certainly. We've got to find out
who killed Randolph Blake.
I'll send them back to you.
No, they had one shot at me
and one's enough.
The store's closed.
We're out of business.
- Are you alright, little buddy?
- Who did it? Who did it?
Nobody did it.
The slamming of the door
triggered the gun.
You solved the crime! It was an accident!
I'm glad it wasn't one of our friends.
I'd never have forgiven them.
Would you just think,
another inch and wow!
Yeah, just think another inch and..
(Man on radio) 'This is al
shodlecotty from w.C.P.O.'
'we interrupt this program
for a special announcement'
'concerning the Randolph..'
- did you hear that, skipper?
- Yes, gilligan. I heard. Shh.
'After conducting extensive
experiments with the spear gun'
'which was the cause of death,
the authorities are convinced'
'that Randolph Blake
met his unfortunate fate'
'as a result of an accident.'
did you hear that, skipper?
Yes, gilligan, I heard it. Will you be quiet?
(Man on radio) 'Numerous
tests with the spear gun indicated'
'that the firing mechanism
could be triggered'
'by any sudden movement'
'such as the slamming of a door.'
that's just what we did.
That's just what we did!
I can hardly believe it!
'And that's how it happened,
believe it or not.'
I believe it, I believe it.
Isn't that amazing? We worked
it out just like the police.
With a spear gun,
the slamming of the door!
Yes. Alright, let's forget it and go to sleep.
Just forget about Blake
and that spear gun.
Okay, skipper. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Well, gilligan, you did it again.
- What?
- You left the door open!
Thanks a lot, gilligan.
You're welcome.
They're here for a long long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone no lights no motorcars ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪♪