St. Denis Medical (2024) s02e16 Episode Script

1
I'm doing my first EMT ride-along today.
Joyce makes all the nurses do them
so we better understand
the patient experience.
I'm a little nervous.
It's basically my normal job
but while running red lights.
Bruce and Matty hitting the road.
Yeah, when I heard
Matty's number got called,
I knew I had to tag along.
I used to do these back
when I was a young cub,
and they were always insane.
Oh, awesome.
Yeah, a friend in med
school had to reattach
a guy's thumb right there
on the highway median.
- Hmm.
- Wow.
Yeah, added about 1/8
of an inch in length.
Is that why's that good?
Well, guy's got a longer thumb now.
Yeah, this is where heroes are born,
war stories immortalized.
- Today it's our turn, man.
- Oh.
Strap in.
Awesome.
Oh, should I take a Dramamine?
I've never looked
backwards in a car before.
[SIGHS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
[STRAINING] Push!
Oh! Welcome to Earth.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, you lucky little baby.
You just plopped out
into St. Denis' new birthing center.
If that was gross, leave it out.
We are excited because
we are about to hire
our new head midwife.
She's gonna be the face
of this whole operation.
And to help me, I have Alex here
as my trusted right-hand man.
Uh, woman.
Yeah, we're not
at the Democratic
National Convention, Alex.
- It's fine.
- You know what?
I would just like to say,
Joyce, I am very proud of you.
You've worked really hard to get here.
- Oh, well, preach.
- [CHUCKLES]
The delays, the setbacks,
the failed inspection
we are bleeding money.
- Wait, really?
- Oh, yeah.
Sometimes when I take a bath,
I slide down into the water,
and I think, I'm never coming up.
- Well, that's not good.
- Yeah.
OK, we're gonna put you
on a 10-day course of this,
and you will be right as rain.
Can we monitor him for a few
minutes before discharging?
Sure.
Oh, can I have my pen back?
What pen?
Oh, this?
This is mine.
No, that's my pen.
No, it is my pen.
And it has the best click.
The best click, exactly.
- And that smooth ink bleed.
- It doesn't smudge.
I know, because it's my pen.
Well, I know my pen very well.
- I've had that pen for weeks.
- Months.
- It's got a B on the side.
- It has got a B on the side,
and the rest is smudged out.
I know this because it is my pen.
When working in a hospital
like this with limited supplies
and worn-out equipment,
to actually find something that works,
it's like a ray of sunshine.
So when I am using this
pen, I am my best self.
Here, bring the mic closer.
[PEN CLICKING] Ah.
[PEN CLICKING] So good.
[PEN CLICKING]
Like butter.
Well, you've delivered
thousands of babies.
That's amazing.
Mm-hmm. Well, I'm a hard worker.
And I bounce from farm to farm.
Sorry, farm to farm?
I mostly deliver pigs and goats.
And how many humans?
How many humans what?
I encourage all my mothers
to eat the placenta.
- Oh, yum.
- Hmm.
Also the umbilical cord.
You can you eat that?
Oh, yeah.
You can pretty much eat
anything that falls out.
Double yum. [CHUCKLES]
Can I smoke in here?
Sorry, I don't move
as well as I used to.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Or do I?
Oh! [LAUGHS] Wow. OK.
- Come on over.
- Yeah.
Take a seat. We'll
we'll talk a little bit.
I can't.
So I made a late-in-life career change,
and I've been assisting
over at the clinic in Drayton
for the past 16 months.
Nice, Mel. All right.
And it says here that you are a man.
- Oh, yeah.
- Great.
Yeah, I like to call
myself a mid-husband.
Sounds like most husbands.
- Yeah.
- I guess.
That's great.
I don't know what the problem is.
You just don't have
enough human experience.
You know what?
A pig's vagina and a human's vagina
are nearly identical.
You can barely tell the difference.
I think we could probably
tell the difference.
OK.
What's that?
That is a human vagina.
Wrong, pig.
Oh, wait.
OK, that is a
that is a human vagina.
Yeah, the tan lines
kind of gave it away.
[SIGHS] So many lives saved in here
and many more lost,
right where we're sitting.
[SNIFFS] Mm, smell of death in the air.
That's just an air freshener.
I click it onto the vent right here.
OK, let's just go. Let's hit it, guys.
You gotta buckle up.
Uh, nah, we'll raw dog it, you know?
Gotta be ready to leap out.
- I'll normal dog it.
- Not me, bud.
I eat danger.
Come on, let's go!
We can't leave until you buckle up.
What? Seriously? Oh, my God.
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
OK, uh, we're all good back here.
I gotta hear the click.
OK. There you go.
- Let's go. Hit the lights.
- We can't.
We had a whole meeting about it.
- Let's play some music, then.
- Nope.
Too distracting.
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hey, guys, has anybody seen a white pen
with a faded B on the side?
Hey, can we order more 2x2 gauze?
Let's handle the yell-outs
as they come in, OK?
Has anyone seen my picture of Linda?
Why would anyone steal
a picture of your wife?
That's what's got me concerned.
Shh. Quiet.
[PEN CLICKING]
You took my pen!
I took my pen.
Did you take the picture of Linda?
No. Why would I do that?
Yeah.
That's the puzzle.
OK, this next résumé
looks really good, though.
Um, you know, she's
got an advanced degree
and great references.
Oh. Experience with human babies.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Proficient in Excel.
- Yeah, fingers crossed.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
OK. [CLEARS THROAT]
Hi there. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Welcome. Come on in.
- I'm Alex.
- No!
Way!
What a small world.
Ashley Lawrence, that's you?
[CHUCKLING] Of course it is.
- Hey, Joyce. Hi.
- Look at ya!
[LAUGHS]
Alex, Ashley is dating
Sanderson, my former fiancé.
Oh, no.
And they met right in front of me.
How are you, girlfriend?
- I'm good.
- Mm.
Uh, thank you so much for having me.
I hope this isn't too weird.
Weird? No.
If anything, it's weird
that it's not weird.
- Oh.
- [LAUGHS]
Well, then I guess it is weird, then.
Oh, she's funny too.
- I see that.
- Yay! Yay!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, that's fun.
OK, years of experience and
a CNM degree from Michigan.
That's one of the best
programs in the country.
- Oh, top program.
- Yeah.
- Ain't none higher.
- [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, I valued my time there.
But to be honest, I
didn't lock into midwifery
until I started working
with actual mothers.
- Mm-hmm. Smart and passionate.
- Yeah.
I can see why Sanderson likes you.
- Oh.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
He is a great guy, isn't he?
- Yeah, he is.
- Mm-hmm.
OK, um, so this this
period at the Merrick Family
Although I could do without
him eating all of his meals
over the sink.
Oh, my gosh, right?
And then he's like, the
sink is a natural trough.
[GASPS] Oh, my
[LAUGHS] A natural trough.
[LAUGHTER]
And how about how he's
always late for dates?
Be on time for once, buddy.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
Well, I haven't really
noticed that, but
[SCOFFS]
Well, who would keep you waiting?
A beauty like you? You are beautiful.
OK.
Toned.
You got quite a body on you.
- I like it.
- Joyce
- I like it.
- I don't think we need
- to talk about Ashley's
- Oh, do you not like it?
- No. I don't I don't
- No, you know, thank you.
In my line of work,
I see lots of bodies,
and to me, they're all beautiful, so
I rate every woman I've
ever met on a 10-point scale.
I'm disgusting. [CHUCKLES]
What what do you
how would you rate me?
OK, I think we're good here.
Yeah? All right. Thank
you for coming in.
- Thank you.
- OK.
We're good for the day, yeah.
I think we really have a great
professional relationship.
Oh, pure class.
Ashley
[WITH DEEP VOICE] I love you.
[CHUCKLES]
[NORMALLY] So you go
take care of yourself
and stay near that phone, OK?
[CHUCKLES]
Wow, yuck!
She is weird!
[SCOFFS]
All right, urgent call.
We're first on the scene. We gotta move.
On me! Go! Go, go!
All right. Whoa!
- Hey!
- Ah!
Patient's actually over here.
- Oh.
- Hey. Bee sting.
I thought I was allergic,
but I think I'm OK.
All right.
We should probably get that
stinger out, though, huh?
Oh. Yeah, it's much higher on this side.
- Yo!
- OK, One, two oh!
- Matt!
- Looks like it fell out already.
- Oh.
- OK, ice pack or no ice pack?
- Matt!
- Ice pack.
- Good call.
- Oh, the wall's super wet, guys.
[GROANS]
Damn it. I lost a shoe in the mud.
Matt, I need you to get
me some new sneakers.
That faded B on the side,
I bet you don't know
what it used to say.
Banking and Loan of East Oregon.
Ooh, fast answer and wrong.
[CHUCKLES] Brittleston
Dental. That's where I go.
The guy who was using too
much nitrous on his patients?
- Uh, no.
- Knocking them out
and taking pictures of them naked?
Ron, I am so sorry.
It didn't happen.
I was given that pen, unmolested,
as a reward for not needing sunglasses
during my last cleaning.
I was at the bank counter.
Teller gave me the stink eye.
She turned her back, and I ripped this
right off its chain.
You're lying about the bank.
You're lying about the dentist.
Ashley is the winner here.
And I know it might be a
little bit uncomfortable,
but if you want my opinion, she's the
Uncomfortable? No.
I broke up with Sanderson.
- I'm fine.
- OK, great.
Then let's hire her.
Except I just I don't
think she's a good fit.
And if I had a gun to my head right now,
I think I'd have to pick, um, Mel.
- Mel?
- Yeah.
OK. Well, he's not as experienced.
- Not as experienced?
- [LAUGHS]
Oh, I see what's going on here.
You have a problem with
Mel because he's a man.
Sorry, Alex, but I think
that's very prejudiced.
What are you talking about?
Val, um, does the idea
of a male midwife seem weird to you?
- Yup.
- No. Try again, Val.
- That is sexist!
- I'm OK with that.
OK, well, what about a
midwife who's obsessed
with pig vaginas?
'Cause that's our second choice.
How is that our second choice?
Fine! You know what? They were all bad.
We'll do it again in a couple months.
You would delay the opening again?
Joyce, you just got
everything back on schedule.
I thought we were bleeding money.
Well, we'll just have to cut
corners in other departments
and tighten our belts.
You are letting a personal issue
affect everyone who works here.
Watch it, Alex!
You're overstepping!
We're lucky.
Hasn't been too bad so far.
- Uh, it's been very bad, Matt.
- Really?
It's been pretty calm, pretty easy.
Exactly!
We've been stuck with
a bunch of boring duds
bee stinger man, the
lady who just had to fart,
some guy faking heatstroke.
I'm not faking.
Uh, it's cloudy and 65 degrees outside.
Scattered clouds.
You know, sometimes that makes
the bright spots seem hotter.
Matt, I swear to God.
[AMBULANCE RUMBLES]
You really should buckle up.
Is he not buckled up?
I am buckling!
I'm buckled! Oh, my God.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Hey.
Alex, I'm sorry.
We need to spend some time apart.
- Well, we can't.
- We can.
I'm asking you to go
back to work, please.
We can't, because Mel and
Ashley are waiting outside.
I brought them back
for a second interview.
Are you insane?
Joyce, I'm here for a reason, OK?
- Yeah, to take notes.
- No.
I keep wanting you to do that.
- I
- But I see no notes.
No, I'm here because
you trust me, all right?
And deep down, I think you know
that these are our best options.
OK, deep down, I really
want you to kiss my butt!
- I did not want this.
- Joyce, just calm down
- Alex, I do not want them here.
- Before you open the door.
- [DOOR CLICKS]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Come on in.
[CHUCKLES]
32, 33, and 34.
Bingo. I got this.
- Hello? Ma'am?
- Ma'am?
Ma'am, we're here to help you.
Uh, this woman's Life Alert went off.
Not really sure what we're getting into.
All right, ma'am, can
you unlock the door?
Oh, I'm stuck on the ground!
All right, we're gonna have
to bust through this thing.
On me, boys.
We're supposed to call
the fire department.
Listen, I'm not gonna
sit around and wait
for a bunch of flame chasers to swoop in
and be the heroes here.
[SNAPS FINGERS] Look.
All right, I can walk along this ledge,
climb through that window,
and unlock the door from the inside.
- Bruce.
- I'll be fine.
If we don't act now, we might lose her.
I think I'll be all right.
Save your strength, ma'am.
You need food. You need water.
Well, I fell pretty close
to my cat's water bowl.
What? Just shh.
God. Come on, Matt.
You're gonna make this
lady drink cat water?
- I'm not in charge here.
- I am!
We wait for the fire department.
All right, well, Dave, you're the boss.
So I guess we wait.
What the Hey! Don't do that.
I wish I had a choice.
[EXHALES]
What the hell are you doing, man?
Suck it, Dave!
Some of us are heroes.
All right. All right.
What? Why is this window locked?
Uh, I guess so people
don't walk along the ledge
and try to break in.
Well, it's gonna take
more than a locked window
to stop Bruce. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, two locked windows?
Are you kidding me?
All right, what if I
Whoa! God.
OK, wow.
It's pretty high up, actually.
- You OK, Bruce?
- Huh? Yeah.
I might take a step back towards you.
- OK?
- OK.
Whoa! God.
All right, great. Good first step.
That was great.
- Could you walk back?
- Oh, nah.
Body's not working.
I'm not scared.
You know, just a
rational physical reaction
to the potential consequence of a fall.
All right, well, you're gonna be fine.
Yeah, unless I fall.
- Yeah.
- Hey!
Neighbor had a key.
Firefighters are on their
way. We're gonna circle back.
OK. Great. All good.
And the leg's not broken!
Just a knee sprain!
Oh, cool.
Happy ending.
Nice to meet you!
No, Matt, what are you doing? Stop.
Nah, it's OK. I'm fine with heights.
Wow, yeah. Actually,
you made that look easy.
Yeah, used to climb up
silos, clean them out.
Oh, so you had an advantage, then.
Yeah. Plus, I had an uncle
who fell to his death.
And what are the odds
that happens to two guys
in the same family?
OK, take my hand.
No! I'll pull you down.
- You'll kill us both.
- OK.
Well, here we are, side by side,
like we all wanted.
I'm so happy to be here.
Sorry, I was mid-remark.
Um, like we all wanted, OK?
Mel, what do you prioritize?
The health of the baby,
the health of the mother,
or both?
Ooh, that's a toughie.
Uh, I guess I'd say both.
Oh, I would definitely say both too.
OK, well, Mel has dibs on both,
so you need to pick something else.
- Oh.
- Mother or baby?
Uh, I guess I'd prioritize the mother.
OK, so the baby is not as important.
Joyce, come I'm
pretty sure that Ashley
is also allowed to say both.
OK, Ashley, what's
your greatest weakness?
I guess I'd say work-life balance.
I tend to pour my whole heart
into the moms I take care of.
Hmm.
Mel, hit me with your greatest strength.
Online poker.
But it's also my, uh, greatest weakness.
We got a blocked airway in 103!
Emergency trach?
Looking like it.
I gotta make an alternative airway.
Uh, I need give
me a pen or something!
- A pen?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Let's go! Let's go!
Shouldn't you be rushing in?
Yeah, I'm gonna rush in,
but I need the pen first.
- Hmm.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
If you don't give me that
pen, I'm gonna take it.
You can try, but if you touch
this pen, I'm gonna scream.
You're not gonna scream.
- [SHRIEKS]
- [YELLS]
[SIGHS] This is so embarrassing.
I was supposed to be the hero today,
and now I'm being rescued?
All because I'm
well, not scared, you
know, just jammed up.
Hey, I get scared all the time.
Jammed up, I said.
I'm just trying to
tell you, people already
look up to you, you know?
People already see you as a hero.
You don't have to walk around pretending
to be brave all the time.
[SCOFFS] Oh, I walk around pretending?
What about you?
Hey, why are you mad at me?
It's called lashing out, Matt.
I'm trying to help.
Yeah, well, you're
the pretender. You are.
Oh, I'm so scared of an ambulance.
I'm so scared of life.
I'm scared to pursue Serena.
What? Serena? I don't
I don't like her like that anymore, man.
- Matty.
- I don't. I don't.
- Matty. Hey.
- We're friends.
You can lie to the world.
You can lie to yourself.
But don't lie to Bruce,
not right before we
both fall to our deaths.
What does it matter, anyway?
- We're clearly not a match.
- Stop that.
Enough with the sad-sack act.
You know, I'll admit, you had me fooled.
I used to think you were
weak, too, in body and mind.
But look at you. Your mind is strong.
You crushed it today.
And now you're out
here risking your life,
all for the sake of your
mentor and role model?
You're strong, Matt.
And we can work on the body.
OK.
The point is, if
you're feeling jammed up
about Serena,
maybe take a walk on that ledge.
Huh.
All right, let's play
some word association.
I want to just see how
your brain works, OK?
Mel, pregnancy.
- Baby.
- Bull's-eye.
- Ashley, Jeffrey Epstein.
- No, sorry.
Please don't answer that. Ashley
To be clear, I I was gonna say bad.
Well, that's pretty
mild for what he did.
Joyce, I'm sor can we just listen.
I'm gonna ask you both the only question
that actually matters
why should the women who come here
trust you with their babies?
This is my passion, my calling.
The health of our
community starts at birth.
I really believe that.
And I know that's a
cornerstone of Joyce's vision.
I will do everything in my power
to make sure that the
mothers who come here
feel safe and loved.
Same.
Plus, I'm punctual.
[GULPING]
Ah.
I mean, Ashley's last
answer was perfect.
And Mel said, same.
Plus, the punctual thing?
OK, he was 15 minutes
late to his interview.
This birthing center is my baby.
I don't go in and tell you how
to parent Ella and your son,
whose name is what?
- It can't be Cheddar, can it?
- All right.
Will you just admit it, OK?
Admit that your judgment is clouded.
Of course it's clouded.
OK? Are you happy?
It hurts, Alex.
I know I broke up with
Sanderson, but I
I don't know if I can see her every day.
Joyce, I know. OK?
I know it hurts, but this is your baby.
And that's why you have
to listen to your heart.
You know, when it comes
to Ella and Cheddar
Luke I don't know why that happened.
When it comes to our
babies, there's nothing
that is too hard or too awful
to endure for their sake.
Listen, that is my opinion,
but it is your decision.
[SIGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
What's the game this time?
Serena, can I please have the pen?
Ew, what's going on?
That pen helps me.
And I, uh, would like to ask,
would you help me?
Fine.
That's all you had to say.
- Really?
- No, but the emotions are awkward,
and I'd like to put this behind us.
Oh, yeah, well, I
I really appreciate it.
And, uh, by all means, finish.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- What? What?
- It's out of ink.
- Here, you try.
- What?
Come on, baby, don't die on me!
Don't oh damn!
This place, man.
I'm sorry, Ron.
[SIGHS]
Just a moment of silence.
This is the right decision.
- Hello.
- Mel.
- Got some spectacular news.
- Oh, wow.
Honestly, I didn't think I had a chance.
You know, Ashley was just so impressive.
- She was. She
- Yeah.
She certainly was.
Yeah.
- Joyce?
- Sorry, I, um
I was just thinking, this whole thing
has taken so many years of my life,
and it's a huge decision.
And now it's down to just you.
- I'm just so thrilled.
- And Ashley.
Wait. So you haven't chosen me yet?
So I'm sorry I don't have the job?
- No, you do. You do.
- Great.
Uh, if we choose you.
I'm I'm confused.
- Have you chosen me?
- We have.
- OK, good. Amazing!
- Not.
Um, but you're still in the mix.
And it is looking pretty good.
Great, 'cause I just
really need this job, Joyce.
Unless you don't get the job.
- Why are you doing this?
- Which
Why are you doing this, Joyce?
Is unfortunately what is happening here.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- I don't think we can
make this work, unless we can.
- Thank you.
- No, we can't.
I'm sorry about this.
- No.
- I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna send you $1,000.
- Yes!
- No, I'm not.
- [GROANS]
- Bye, Mel.
- Please, no!
- Goodbye.
Ashley is going to be amazing.
And it says a lot about
her that she had the guts
to ask her boyfriend's
ex-fiancée for a job.
[CHUCKLES] But in a way,
it says even more about me
that I had the confidence
and maturity to hire her.
Tough job, though, head midwife
uh, always on call.
It's rough on a relationship.
But yeah, she's gonna be amazing.
Not what I was expecting.
I didn't save a patient.
No glory was won.
Or was it?
Yeah, I think I just
changed Matt's life,
set him on a new course.
So when you think about
it, who rescued who?
In a way, I guess you could
say we all rescued each other.
Hey, you walking, or are you getting on?
No, I'll go by the book on this one.
- All right. [GRUNTS]
- Ooh.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
Hey, you gotta buckle up, man.
Yeah, eat me, Dave.
♪
[BELL CLANGS]