The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e16 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group must
Somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
Mom! Mom! Listen! Listen!
My goodness. Okay, okay
Really great news. Guess what.
What?
We're in the glee club.
That's wonderful!
They had tryouts today,
and we were picked.
JAN: Listen to us.
Oh-oh
You take the high road
And I'll take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye. ♪
Hooray for the Brady singers!
Hi, Bobby.
Hi.
Why the long face?
He didn't get picked for the glee club.
Billy Mingus said
Bobby couldn't carry a tune
if it had a handle on it.
Oh, yeah?
Sue Barry said he sounded like a frog.
( Imitating frog ): Croak, croak.
All right, Jan. That's enough.
Would you like an apple?
No, thanks.
How about some cookies?
Oh, I'll bet you'd like a great big dish
of your favorite ice cream.
I don't want anything.
Aw, come on, Bobby. Cheer up.
You have a very nice voice.
It probably just isn't the kind of voice
the glee club needs this year.
You really like my voice?
Listen, you can sing for me anytime.
Yes, sir. I can?
( Off-key ): Oh, you take the high road
And I'll take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland before ye. ♪
That's really not bad at all, Bobby.
I sound awful.
Aw, come on, honey.
Look on the bright side.
You know, when boys grow older,
their voices change.
And I'll bet, when yours changes,
you'll have a brand-new voice.
Yeah, and it might even be worse.
Honey, Daddy's home.
Hello, son.
Hi, Dad.
I'm sorry about your
not getting in the glee club.
That's okay.
They didn't need a rotten singer.
( Chuckling )
I'm sure you're not that bad.
Ask Mom.
Of course he isn't that bad.
Yes, I am.
I may not sing good, but I hear good.
Just because you aren't a great singer
doesn't mean you aren't musical.
Maybe you should play an instrument.
That's right. How about trying one?
Like what?
Well, any instrument you want.
There must be one you like.
Maybe there is.
Why don't you ask
your music teacher about it tomorrow?
That's what I'll do.
I'll pick an instrument tomorrow.
Good. Now go wash up for dinner.
Have you heard him sing?
Yes.
And?
That was a very good idea you had
about the instrument.
He's terrible.
You think you can take
the Blue Devils Saturday?
Take them? We'll knock their horns off.
Guess who's helping us
at football practice today?
Who?
Deacon Jones.
Oh, don't give me that.
Deacon Jones is all-pro.
He plays with the Rams.
Yeah, but he's a friend of our coach.
They played high
school football together.
So Deacon is going to give us a few tips.
Son of a gun.
Deacon Jones.
Let's go, Peter.
Come on or we'll be late.
Okay, I'm coming.
Don't tell me
they're on the team, too?
Come on.
We have glee club practice first,
then I go to football practice. See ya.
Peter!
Yeah?
You forgot something.
Your helmet
and your left shoe
and your right shoe.
( Horn honking )
Hi.
Hello, Alice.
I picked my instrument, Alice.
I'll go tell everybody.
I never saw him so excited.
It's done wonders for his morale.
What did he pick?
Behold
Drums?
Well, I'm not so sure
what that's going to do for our morale.
Well, his music teacher encouraged him.
She said that he had
exactly the right qualifications.
Oh, what qualifications
does a kid need to play drums?
A mother with a station wagon.
You're offense, you're defense.
You've got to move quick.
You got to keep moving.
You've got to hit, and drive
through the quarterback,
and then drive straight ahead. Got it?
Got it, Deacon.
All right. Go!
That's hitting it, Larry. That's it.
Gee, the Rams could sure use you.
Hey, Ted, what time is it?
Aw, that's about it, Deacon.
Afraid he's got to go, fellows.
( All moaning )
I'll be back, fellows.
I've got to go practice with the big guys.
( Saying good-byes )
BOY: Coach!
Coach, sorry I'm late.
It's all right, Pete.
I want you to meet Deacon Jones.
Deacon, this is Peter Brady.
Hi, Peter. Hey, you've
got a pretty good grip.
What position do you play?
End. Offensive end.
That's bad news for fellows like me.
Take it easy.
I will. Good-bye.
You missed it, Pete.
The stuff Deacon taught us was great!
Where were you?
I was at glee club.
It took longer than I expected.
You're kidding.
Glee club?
What's the matter?
You spent the whole time
sitting around with girls?
What do you mean, girls?
There's guys, too.
But they're songbirds.
Yeah. Canaries.
Sure. Football is for boys.
Hey, guys, did you hear?
We've got a canary on our team!
( Derisive laughter )
I think those drums
will take Bobby's mind
off not getting in the glee club.
Yeah. And, you know,
the kids were really very sweet.
They made a big fuss over them.
I hope he doesn't get discouraged.
You know, you can't learn to play
a musical instrument in a day.
It takes a lot of practice.
( Banging on drums and cymbals )
( Raising voice over drums ):
Like you said,
it takes a lot of practice.
( Wildly ambitious drumming )
( Drumming continues )
By yon bonnie banks
And by yon bonnie brae
Where the sun shines
bright on Loch Lomond ♪
How are we supposed to practice?
You can hear those drums
all the way to Loch Lomond.
Right now, I wish
Bobby was in the glee club.
I wish he was in Loch Lomond.
Hi, kids.
Hi, Mom.
How's it going?
It isn't, Mom.
We can't hear ourselves sing.
I'll tell Bobby to knock it off.
Uh-uh. That's just why I came in here.
To tell Bobby to knock it off?
No, sweetheart.
To remind all of you
how important those drums are to Bobby.
He was very upset when he
didn't get into the glee club.
Now he's so happy
to be doing something musical.
Musical?!
Promise me you'll try
to be patient and understanding, okay?
Okay.
Okay. I got football practice anyway.
Cindy?
Okay.
( Shouting over drums )
It really means a lot to Bobby!
We're sure not going
to get much homework done, Mom.
Well, I know it's hard,
but let's try not to hurt his feelings, okay?
( Drumming continuing )
Aren't you going to study anymore?
Yeah, under the hair dryer.
It'll be quieter there.
( Shouting over drums ):
What's for dinner?
What?
Dinner!
Thanks!
I'm glad somebody thinks I look thinner!
We have to straighten this out!
Yes, dear, but we started it.
Oh, yeah, we did, but
( drumming )
Well, maybe after a few more lessons.
You honestly think a few more lessons
will improve him?
Honestly?
Yeah, honestly.
Let's go in and talk to him.
I'm getting good, huh?
Well, actually, Bobby uh
I'll get even better with more practicing.
More practicing?
Some guys practice eight hours a day.
Listen to this.
( Playing pop music )
( Turns off stereo )
Whoa!
( Sighs )
I sure am glad
you wanted me to play an instrument.
( Chuckling )
We did, didn't we?
That we did.
( Drum practice continues )
I got a groovy beat, huh?
Well, Bobby, you play just fine
for a beginner.
Funny. Just what I was going to say.
Gee, thanks.
Come on, let's go.
I wouldn't want to hurt
the star on the glee club.
Cut it out, Larry.
I've been taking it
from you guys all afternoon.
Aw, he got his feelings hurt.
Freddy, how about you?
No, I wouldn't want to ruin
your beautiful voice.
Jimmy?
No, you might sprain your ankle.
Then you wouldn't be able
to reach your high notes.
( All laughing )
All right, you guys.
We don't need canaries on our team.
Maybe he could stand around
and sing songs while we play.
Peter can be a pom-pom girl.
( laughing )
( Drumming )
Can we go to the library tonight?
To do your homework?
Yeah. It's the only place we can study
and get away from the drums.
You ought to try it in the closet.
It's not bad at all in there.
All right, kids.
See you later.
Bye.
I don't know how we managed
to collect so much stuff.
These empty boxes can go out, Alice.
I hate to say it, Mrs. Brady.
The more I hear Bobby play,
the more I'm convinced that
drumsticks are for turkeys.
At least it's better here
than in the kitchen.
Anyplace is better than the kitchen.
It's directly in the line of fire.
I'll get rid of these.
Oh, Alice.
Bobby hasn't improved at all, has he?
Mrs. Brady, every day
he plays just a little worse
than the day before.
And today he's playing like tomorrow.
Oh, hi, Alice.
Mom, can we go over to Linda's?
To rehearse for the glee club?
The drums.
JAN: Yeah.
Linda's house is three blocks away
out of the noise belt.
Can we go?
Sure, kids. Run along.
Oh, come on, Pete.
We're going over to Linda's.
Not me. I'm not going.
But you have to.
I'm not going.
JAN: Come on.
But, Peter, don't you have to practice?
Who can think of singing
with all that banging going on?
I might as well
quit the glee club.
Complaints are coming
in from all precincts.
I mean, Peter might
even quit the glee club
because of Bobby's drumming.
I've got a solution to Peter's problem.
You have?
Did it ever strike you
that a musician should have
his own studio to practice in?
See? You got the whole garage.
Well, out here, you won't be disturbed
by telephones all the time.
And your brothers and sisters
won't be in your way, either.
Yeah.
It's kind of like the music room at school.
This is kind of like
your own private studio, huh?
Boy, that's neato.
Have fun.
Well, how about a coffee break?
Hey, good idea.
Careful. It's hot.
Ow.
Well, how's it going
with Bobby out in his studio?
( Chuckles )
Good. At last I can concentrate
without that beat-beat
of the tom-tom clogging up
my head-head.
Well, I think we've finally
solved the problem.
Oh, Peter.
Hey, come in, son.
You can practice at home now.
Yeah, it's certainly quiet enough now.
I don't feel very much like singing.
Huh?
You mean you're still thinking
of quitting the glee club?
Tomorrow, I guess.
Well, I thought you said
it was Bobby's drumming.
I guess it's not really because of Bobby.
Oh?
It's because of the guys on my team.
Football team?
They think singing's for girls
and canaries.
Well, what's that supposed to
mean canary?
I don't know.
I think it's a chicken that can sing.
( Chuckles )
That's why you're leaving
the glee club?
I guess so.
Listen.
Before you decide,
you better give that some more thought.
Don't you quit
for the wrong reason.
But they keep teasing me.
Well, so what?
I don't think you're a canary
because you sing in the glee club.
Huh?
You make up your own mind.
Why couldn't you play football
and still be in the glee club?
Yeah, I could do both,
but I think I better quit.
Oh, Mike, he loves the glee club.
Yeah, I know he does.
( Phone rings )
I'll get it.
Hello.
Speaking.
Yes.
Uh yes, I understand,
but it's still kind of early yet.
Yeah, of course.
Right.
Good-bye.
That's one of the neighbors
about Bobby's drumming.
Oh, well, there's always
one crank in the neighborhood.
( Phone rings )
Hello. Yeah.
Well, so much for the great outdoors.
( loud drumming )
Carol, we've been patient,
but now we've got to do something!
Look, Mike, if he can't practice,
he'll have to give up the drums.
He'll be crushed!
It's not going to crush him.
It may dent him a little bit.
Oh, Mike, couldn't we wait just a little?
It's not fair to the eight other
people in this house!
Or the neighbors or the city.
( Chuckles )
Or the state.
I suppose you're right.
Yeah, well, we'll
simply have to tell Bobby.
It's not fair to the rest of the family.
Okay. We'll tell him in the morning.
Good night, honey.
Good night, sweetheart.
No, let's tell him tomorrow after school.
Why ruin his whole day?
Oh, yeah, no need to ruin his whole day.
Boom-boom-boom.
What?
I said, "Boom-boom-boom."
It's that drumming that
keeps going through my head.
Just, "Boom-boom-boom."
Oh oh, hey
Just try as hard as you can.
That's all your coach
and your team can ask of you.
And that's all you can ask of yourself.
Let's see how our pass defense
is coming along.
Peter, you play offensive end.
You, Larry, you're defensive end.
Let's go.
Oh, boy, I get the canary.
( Snide chuckles )
Cut that out, Larry.
He'll probably stand up and sing.
( Derisive chuckles )
Never underestimate your opponent.
This guy will be a cinch
he's a songbird.
Not anymore. I'm going
to quit the glee club.
You think this guy can't play
football because he sings?
Sure. You know, singing's
for canaries sissy stuff.
I sing. Am I a sissy?
You? Gosh, no, Deacon.
Matter of fact,
we've got a group on our team.
And we perform
when we're not playing football.
I didn't know that.
If singing was sissy stuff,
we'd be missing
a lot of good men in sports.
That's right.
Rosie Grier, he sings.
I don't know anybody brave
enough to call him a sissy.
Not even me.
Then there's Joe Namath,
and another pretty tough fella
named Joe Frazier.
I don't think you have to quit singing
just because you think it's sissy.
No, I guess not.
Let's play football.
Let's have a little action here.
Go get him, Tiger.
Hi, honey.
( Drumming )
Don't tell me. Let me guess.
Bobby's home.
Straight through the house,
and straight for those drums.
I think it's time
we had our little talk with him.
Oh, I'm with you.
I'll be late for practice.
Looks like you just finished!
( Drumming stops )
Looks like you just finished.
I mean glee club.
I thought you quit.
Nope. Did you know
there's a lot of guys who sing
that aren't sissies?
Deacon Jones, Rosie Grier, Joe Namath.
Would you call them sissies?
No. Not for the life of me.
Guess what.
Now there's a lot of guys
on the team trying out
for the glee club.
I better hurry or I'll be late.
Well, what do you know about that?
( Drumming )
Let's go have our talk.
I'll try and be gentle.
Hi.
Hi, Bobby.
Hello, son.
Your mother and I
would like to talk to you.
Sure. I want to talk to you, too.
You do?
Well, I wanted to ask you
well, if gee, I hope
this doesn't make you mad.
What is it, Bobby?
Well, I know how much
you wanted me to be a drummer
Would you be too disappointed if I quit?
Quit the drums?
Uh-huh.
Forever?
Never mind.
I'll stick with them.
I know how much
you wanted me to play.
( Drumming )
If you want to give up the drums,
that's perfectly all right with us.
You sure?
Positive! That is,
if that's really what you want.
That's the point, Bobby.
Now, it has to be
what you want.
There are certain things
a boy has to do,
like homework or chores
But you shouldn't pretend to enjoy things
just to please other people.
Ask Peter. He found out the same thing.
I guess you're right,
and that really makes it neato.
There's another kid at school George
and he wants to be a drummer.
Oh, well, I'm sure George will appreciate
your giving up the drums for him.
Well, that's really very thoughtful.
Now I can switch with George.
He's going to play the drums,
and I'm going to play his instrument.
His instrument?
Yeah. He loaned it to me so I could try it.
The bugle?
Yeah.
Just listen to this.
( Unpleasant honking )
I think he's going to hurt himself.
( Bobby attempting to play reveille )
Mike?
Is that Bobby?
It's not Gabriel.
I think he's trying to play reveille.
( Groans )
You're not going to get up, are you?
Just long enough to tie
a knot in his bugle.
Hey, it's me!
Hi, honey.
Hi, sweetheart.
Bobby home?
Yeah.
Bobby!
What's that?
It's for Bobby.
I spent half the day
trying to figure this out.
I finally got it.
You called?
Yes, son. I have something for you.
For me?
I know how very much
you want to be in the band,
and we tried the drums,
we tried the bugle,
but I honestly think
this is going to be the answer.
The baton?
Bobby, that's the most
important part of the band!
You think you can learn to use that?
Sure, I can. Watch this.
( Humming )
That won't give us any trouble.
( Glass breaking )
Gee, I guess it'll take a little practice.
A great idea.