Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e17 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailing man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thundering]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on the shore ♪
of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪♪
[Theme music]
Wow! Look at this mess.
Mother nature was really
angry last night.
Not only that, there was a terrible storm.
Gilligan, why don't you go
hunt up some turtle eggs.
They ought to be easy to find now.
Skipper, that's one thing
I can't get used to.
- Chicken eggs, yeah..
- Gilligan, an egg is an egg.
I know. But every time
I look down at the plate
all I can see is sunny side turtles.
- Gilligan.
- Yes, sir, turtle eggs.
That's right, and I'll make some coffee.
[Instrumental music]
Snake!
Snake, snake, snake!
Skipper! Professor! Skipper!
(Skipper) 'What?'
- I found something.
- 'Bring it here.'
- I can't.
- 'What is it?'
I don't know.
You and the professor better take a look.
- What is it now, gilligan?
- What's the matter, gilligan?
Look, look. See?
[Dramatic music]
I can't believe it. It's too good to be true.
What is it?
- That's a communication cable.
- Huh?
Don't you understand?
It's a telephone line.
We can telephone for help.
Telephone!
[Instrumental music]
You're joking, professor.
This can't be a telephone lines.
- It is. I'm positive of it.
- Where'd it come from?
It must've been the storm.
The tides last night were higher
and stronger than before
and the currents must've pulled
this loop into the lagoon.
It's the greatest piece of luck.
- I know what would be luckier.
- What?
If it came with a telephone booth.
Phone booth or no phone booth
I guarantee you we'll
be able to telephone for help.
Gilligan, why don't you tell the
others all about the good news.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Good news, good news.
What good news?
The good news about this telephone.
- Oh, that good news.
- Yes.
(Women on radio) 'Nothing
much in the fashion news.'
'now news from the Hollywood scene.'
'triangle studio said they
confirm the persistent rumors'
'that they are going to make
the ginger Grant story.'
huh!
'The movie will be a tribute to Ms. Grant'
'who's promising career was
so tragically cut short.'
my life story! I can't believe it!
'Casting will begin immediately
and all of Hollywood wonders'
'just who will be selected to play the part'
'of the beautiful ginger Grant.'
- oh.
- Ginger, what's the matter?
- Oh, shush! Listen.
- I heard you scream.
Shush, listen. They're talking about me.
'The Colombian broadcasting
system announces'
'that the star of their new TV series'
'will be a hippopotamus.'
- huh! If I were you, I'd sue.
- No, not that.
They just said they're gonna
make a movie about my life.
- Really?
- Yeah, the ginger Grant story.
Oh, what a marvelously original title.
If I was there, I could play the lead.
You know if you were in Hollywood
they'd say you weren't right for the part.
By the time I get rescued from this island
I'll be old enough to play
my own grandmother.
[Gilligan shouting indistinctly]
- What?
- We've been saved.
At the lagoon, a telephone.
- A telephone!
- At the lagoon.
How did you know? I ran all the way.
Women put things away,
you can't find 'em.
With all her finery.
Boomerangs! You can't throw 'em away.
Oh, these little, bloody birds
(gilligan) 'Mr. Howell, where are you?'
I'm at pebble beach
playing golf, you dunderhead..
- Can't find you, Mr. Howell.
- I'm down here, gilligan.
Oh, there you are, Mr. Howell.
Say, listen, Mr. Howell..
Yes, now, you know where I am?
What do you think I'm bending the elbow
with the maharajah of sarawana?
- What is Sara
- well, never mind that!
I can't find my silver lame
Polo shirt, that's what.
Mr. Howell, I have some real important
important? It's catastrophic!
It's the only one of it's kind.
Yeah, but not that important, mister
if I don't find it, I'm gonna notify the FBI
Scotland yard,
the New York stock exchange.
- New York stock exchange?
- Yes.
I notify them about everything.
- Well, Mr. How
- Mary Ann! That's it!
- Mary Ann?
- Mary Ann does the laundry.
Maybe she knows where it is.
Hope she isn't using a harsh detergent.
- Oh, Mr. Howell
- don't stand there, boy.
I don't care until I find
my treasured possession.
Speed! Speed, son.
(Gilligan) 'Mary Ann! Hey, Mary Ann!'
gilligan! Oh!
Gilligan, I just washed those clothes.
Oh, they're all dirty.
Expect for Mr. Howell's Polo shirt.
That's what I came for.
Oh! I almost forgot. There's a telephone.
- What telephone?
- At the lagoon.
- At the lagoon?
- Yeah.
I gotta tell Mr. Howell. Bye.
Telephone at the lagoon.
What will gilligan think of next?
A telephone at the lagoon.
Ah, my boy, you shall
be rewarded handsomely.
No. I just wanna tell you
something important
yes, well, alright, what is it?
Do you know there's
a telephone down at the lagoon?
No, but could you hum it.
No, Mr. Howell.
A telephone at the lagoon.
Oh, oh, I know. Yes, yes,
a telephone at the lagoon.
Why does everybody say
"oh! A telephone at the lagoon."
- Mary Ann, ginger
- why didn't you tell me, boy?
I tried, but everybody
if it's so important, speak up.
- I tried
- I've important calls. Learn.
- I tried, but
- from now, speak up, you hear?
I tried.
But you always interrupt.
Professor, I say that
we make a break in the line.
Then the phone company
will have to send a repair crew
and they'll have to find
the break and we're saved.
But communications aren't
that simple, skipper.
The company anticipates
breaks in the cable.
They automatically re-circuit
calls to bypass the breaks.
It might be a few months
before they send a repair crew.
But what else can we do?
By using parts from the radio,
I can tap into the lines
and we'll be able to call for help.
Where's the phone?
I have to call my agent.
[All clamoring]
Quiet! Quiet, everybody.
Only one knucklehead could've
gotten this thing so messed up.
Skipper, skipper,
I told 'em the good news.
Well, this is the last blade.
Let's hope it cuts
through the metal casing.
- Oh!
- Oh, no, another blade.
It hardly scratched the surface.
There's nothing on this island
hard enough to cut through it.
- There must be something.
- Oh, use your head, gilligan.
I don't think it's hard enough.
Diamonds are the hardest
known substance.
Perhaps the howells have
a diamond I could use to cut.
Great idea, professor.
You're so smart, you make me
feel I got brains in my feet.
Gilligan, why don't you use your brains
and run over to the howells
and get a diamond.
Yeah.
Need a diamond to cut the cable.
Mrs. Howell and I, I must say,
have quite an assortment.
Oh, yes. Five carats and up.
I'd rather have a diamond.
A carrot's not hard enough.
Oh, gilligan, I didn't mean "carrots."
- I meant "carats."
- Never mind, lovely.
Let's just find a diamond
for the professor.
Oh, thurston. Do you remember
when you gave me this?
Let me see. Quite flawless, I believe.
Oh, yes, yes.
That was, uh, December 14th.
- Oh, was it your birthday?
- 'No.'
- anniversary?
- Oh, no, no.
December 14th only comes once a year
so we always celebrate it.
Paper hats, noise makers.
- September 26th. O-Oh.
- Oh, that has a nice edge.
Maybe you could use
that to cut the cable, hmm?
Yeah.
Oh, thurston, I have a marvelous idea.
My diamond necklace.
That'll make a wonderful saw.
There you are, gilligan, my boy.
Now you have more carrots
than bugs bunny.
Hi, gilligan. What have you got?
Oh, a diamond necklace.
- A diamond necklace?
- Yeah.
I gotta make a phone call.
- Ginger, did you hear that?
- No! I'm busy making notes.
I'm writing everything
that's happened to us
since we got here for the movie.
You know, the ginger Grant story.
Oh, I'm just crazy about that title.
He said he had a diamond necklace.
Why would he need that
to make a phone call?
I don't know.
I guess from here everything's
a long distance call.
Do you remember when the raft
floated out with the provisions?
Wasn't it gilligan who forgot
to tie the mooring line?
'Yes.'
and when the ship sailed past,
was that April or may?
April.
You mean when we tried
to attract the ship's attention
and couldn't find
the one and only signal flare?
Yeah. And we found out
that gilligan put the flare
on skipper's birthday cake.
I bet it's the only cake up in orbit.
- Nobody's perfect.
- 'Gilligan, we're ready.'
let's see if these diamonds
will cut through the casing.
Alright, start pedaling.
Faster!
'Faster!'
'faster, gilligan!'
oh, no! You might as well stop.
I can't! I can't!
Sorry, must have forgotten..
How to stop!
Sorry.
Oh, I guess it's just not working.
I'm afraid without a motor
we can't generate enough speed.
I don't understand.
Well, speed builds up friction.
Friction causes heat.
And heat..
Heat. Fire. Maybe we can burn
the casing off the cable.
The insulation inside
will protect the phone wires.
Boy, I don't know what we'd do
without your grey matter.
Who cares about his laundry?
As long as he's smart.
How do you want your cable?
Rare, medium or well done?
- What do you think, professor?
- The fire isn't hot enough.
We must increase
the intensity of the heat.
Yes. If only gilligan hadn't
thrown that blow torch over.
- Oh, I forgot about that.
- The blow torch!
- Skipper, we can make one.
- We can?
Certainly. The natural gas Springs
on the other side of the island.
We can contain the gas in a water bottle.
It might work at that, professor.
Come on, gilligan.
Hi, skipper.
Hi, ginger.
There's gotta be natural gas
around here somewhere.
Tell me something, skipper.
Who do you want to play you
in the movie?
Rock Hudson or Cary Grant?
Well, ginger,
maybe you better get 'em both.
Do you have any other incidents for me?
The only thing I can recall
is gilligan's always goofing up.
Oh, hi, gilligan.
You're gonna be the star
of the ginger Grant movie.
That's one movie I'm not gonna see.
Make sure you don't do
anything else silly around here.
Don't worry. I learned my lesson.
[Hissing]
Gilligan, give me the bottle!
- Oh, that should do it.
- How do you know there's gas?
- Oh, there's gas in there.
- You can't see it.
But, gilligan, gas is invisible.
- You don't see gas.
- I better check to be sure.
Oh, gilligan, don't do that!
[Melodious music]
- Skipper!
- Look out, ginger!
Oh, gilligan! What happened?
Oh, ginger. He didn't think
there was any gas in it.
I told him there was,
and he took the cork off..
And took a big sniff.
[Melodious music]
(Ginger) 'Oh, I hope it works.'
(thurston) 'My boy is a genius.'
just a little bit more and that'll do it.
I don't know what we'd do without him.
- I know, he's a genius.
- Excuse me, ginger.
Now I've gotta scrape the wires,
so we can make contact.
- Oh, but be careful.
- Very careful, professor.
'Don't short it out now.'
- watch out, professor.
- 'He's simply marvelous.'
hope these wires are intact.
I don't know what we'd do without him.
I'm going to hire him
for ho well industries.
Be careful, professor.
Oh, this is so exciting,
I'm getting warmer.
- 'Watch your fingers.'
- 'The wires are perfect.'
[all cheering] They're perfect.
Did you hear that, lovely?
They're perfect.
I'm so excited, I'm sweating.
'Don't short it.'
- it's gonna work.
- It's gonna work.
We can telephone for help!
[All cheering]
- I smell something burning.
- So do I.
I do too.
Gilligan!
[Screaming]
'Now, each one of these telephone lines'
is capable of transmitting
50 calls simultaneously.
Right now there are 2,000 calls
being carried through them.
Think of all the girls being
called for dates now.
- Think of the wrong numbers.
- Think of all that income.
Let's see if we can tap in
on one of those calls.
(Professor) 'Nothing.'
nothing.
[Man speaking Portuguese]
- Oh! It worked!
- Professor, you did it!
[Man speaking Portuguese]
- I can't understand a word.
- He's speaking Portuguese.
Oh, good! I haven't talked
on a phone so long
I thought I forgot how to listen.
I hadn't realized that it might be difficult
to find a call
with a language we understand.
I speak a little Spanish.
Oh, I speak fluent French and Italian.
I'm pretty good
with few of the island dialects.
Of course, I speak Latin.
That'll help if we happen
to get a pharmacist.
- I can only speak English.
- I know some slang.
I know the universal language, money!
I suggest you all take turns
monitoring these calls
until you find one with
a language you can understand.
Meanwhile, I'll rig up a
microphone so they can hear us.
- Hope this gets us rescued.
- Well, I do too, gilligan.
I can hardly wait to get
to my favorite restaurant
and my favorite steak sandwich.
Your favorite steak sandwich?
Yes, a fillet between two top sirloins.
Then order my favorite too.
A chocolate-covered hamburger.
- Ech!
- Strawberry?
(Man #1 on speaker) 'Aloha!'
he said, "aloha" in Hawaiian.
[Man speaking Hawaiian]
Just cased a Honolulu bank.
Round up the gang.
Okay, skipper.
Professor, Mary Ann,
Mr. and Mrs. Howell, ginger.
- Gilligan, what're you doing?
- Rounding up the gang.
When'd you case the Honolulu bank?
Not me! Him.
Now, quiet! They're gonna Rob a bank.
[Speaking Hawaiian]
The guy's name is Charlie.
The job's gonna be pulled off
the 10th of next month.
- What's today?
- Today is the second.
Tomorrow would be the third.
Never mind, gilligan.
Will you shut up now?
They're trying to Rob a bank.
[Speaking Hawaiian]
They're gonna use submachine
guns. We gotta stop 'em.
I'll stop 'em, skipper. I know how.
Now they can't talk
to each other anymore.
Oh, gilligan, what's to prevent
them from talking on that wire?
- This?
- Would you stop that, gilligan!
You break another wire,
and I'll break your neck.
You gotta use this to get off the island.
We do?
No luck so far, professor.
What are you doing?
Just finished boiling down
sap from a rubber tree.
- This is rubber?
- Yes.
I'm trying to build a recoil
mechanism for a dialing system.
Perhaps we can make contact
with the United States.
Looks more like tapioca pudding.
(Skipper) 'Gilligan, get
your hand out of there.'
I feel like Ben Casey.
You keep fooling around,
you're gonna need Ben Casey.
(Professor) 'Here,
skipper. Hold on to this.'
'I'm gonna use it to make a dial.'
gilligan, what are you doing?
Making a glove for my other hand.
I've told you before,
keep your hand out of there.
'Now turn it around, skipper.'
'let me get this wire
through here. That's it'
'that oughta do it.'
now, gilligan, I want you
to hold on to this bowl.
You better use both hands.
I can do with one.
Wait a minute, professor.
Gilligan, he asked you
to use both hands.
I can handle with one, see?
Please! The professor's
trying to rescue us.
You keep fooling around.
Now use both hands!
Gilligan, I am trying
to get us off this island.
'Will you please help?'
Well, we're about to start our
second hour of incomplete calls.
(Man #2 on phone) 'Hello.'
(female #1) 'Where have you
been? I've been callin' all evening.'
'I've been out on
a business meeting, girl.'
oh, I think we found one!
Hello. Hello?
(Female #1) 'A business
meeting? Who's that with you?'
'don't be ridiculous, cybill.
There's no one with me.'
- hello? Can you hear me?
- 'Who was that? Your parakeet?'
oh, please! Please help us.
'I don't know who that is, but
I assure you I'm quite alone.'
'you must take me for a fool, Larry.'
'cybill!' - hello, this is ginger.
'I don't know who you are, young
lady, but get off this line!'
oh, don't you understand.
We've been ship..
[Phone clicks]
Wrecked.
Oh, please, somebody answer.
We've been dialing for over three hours.
Wait till we get our phone bill.
Hope somebody's home this time.
[Phone ringing]
There's nobody home.
Try another number.
Oh, wait. They might
come in any minute.
- Oh, I think somebody answered.
- Yeah.
- Hello.
- Hello, it's gilligan.
(Mary Ann) 'Oh, hello?'
'hello? Why don't they answer?'
- hello?
- Are you sure they answered?
Well, the phone stopped ringing.
Oh! I think I hear somebody breathing.
Sounds like he's gasping for breath.
Oh, poor man.
I sure wish I was there to help him.
Let's cross the yellow vine
over the green vine.
Right. The yellow over the green.
Now, we know we picked up
Hawaii on the green wire
and Australia on the yellow.
And certainly Peru came in very
clearly over the brown wire.
That's right. It should mean
that the western hemisphere
should come in over the brown,
the yellow or the green wire.
Certainly the United States
should come in very clearly
on the red, white, and blue.
Skipper, telephone wires
just don't work that way.
Now, the key to the pattern
seems to be the red wire.
But the red wire must be
a direct line to Moscow!
Skipper, I said that telephone
wires don't work that way.
Alright, but I sure hope
you know what you're doing.
We spent lot of man hours
putting this colored vines up.
That's the only way to solve
any problem. Logic.
Now, using the deductive
form of reasoning
the wires used frequently should
relate to the United States
which has more telephones per cap it a
than any country in the world.
Now, the combination
of that color with other colors
should indicate a progressive ratio scale
with the other countries
proportionate to the percentage
of telephones located in those countries.
Truly very easy, isn't it?
Easy for you, difficult for me.
Well, the important thing
is to keep these vines
from getting tangled
while I figure out which color
will guarantee us a telephone
call to the United States.
Professor! Professor!
Hey, professor!
Gilligan! Stop, gilligan!
For goodness' sake!
We spend all this time
you tore the vines!
We're trying to call the states.
You'll never make it on a vine.
Why don't you use one of the
telephone lines at the lagoon?
(Female #2 on phone) 'Good
afternoon. St. Louis bijou theatre.'
today we're showing
Carol summers and Gregory Bryant
in "Dracula goes surfing."
As a companion feature, we have
"Frankenstein goes surfing."
That's a good double feature.
'The last complete show starts at 8:20.'
'thank you for calling the bijou.'
you're welcome.
Wait! Hello? Hello?
What was that number?
This is the operator.
Will you kindly deposit ten
cents for three minutes, sir?
An operator! Got an operator!
'Will you kindly deposit ten cents, sir?'
operator, where are you?
This is the San Diego operator.
Will you kindly deposit a dime, sir?
Don't go away, operator.
Hey, I got an operator in San Diego!
'I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to
deposit another dime.'
- have you a dime?
- No, no, I don't think so.
The least I have is a $20 bill.
I could tuck it in.
I've got a quarter.
I'm sorry, sir. We cannot make change.
If you give me your name and
address, I'll send you 15 cents.
I don't know where we are.
'If you wish me to continue
to keep this line open
you'll have to deposit the quarter.'
hey, that's an operator. Don't lose her.
- 'Did you deposit the quarter?'
- There's no place to put it.
I'm sorry, I cannot keep this line open.
Operator, wait, listen to me.
We're shipwrecked, you see?
We found this telephone line
and tapped into it.
'We're on a deserted island.
There's no telephone booth!'
why do I get all the nuts?
[All shouting]
Listen, listen. We reached her,
and we'll reach somebody else.
I don't think we're gonna have
more chances today, professor.
Look at that sky!
There's a bad storm coming in.
We gotta get indoors!
Come on! Come on, gilligan.
The cable.
It's gone.
Skipper! Professor! The cable.
The cable. It's gone!
What could have happened to the cable?
Well, the first storm drove it
into the lagoon
last night's storm must have
pulled it out again.
- Oh, what're we gonna do now?
- There isn't much we can do.
But I tell you this much.
With the bare telephone lines
exposed to the salt water
it won't be long before
they corrode and break.
We will be rescued. The phone
company will send a repair crew.
We'll be rescued in a few months!
- Oh, no.
- What's the matter?
When the storm started, I didn't
want the wires to get wet.
You didn't want the wires to get wet.
And what did you do, gilligan?
I wrapped then up nice and dry
with the rubber professor made.
Wait, wait, skipper. Look at it this way.
I did lose the rescue
I gain a new chapter
in the ginger Grant story.
Now, skipper.
- Well?
- The cable isn't down there.
- It's gotta be.
- I tell you it isn't.
That's the 62nd time
I've been down there.
And what number comes after 62?
Oh, no. Nothing's gonna make me
swim me around the bottom
of the lagoon again. Nothing!
Sixty-three comin' up.
Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone no light no motorcar ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪♪