Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e17 Episode Script
Armor of the Gods
1
(Coughs)
OhThe armor
of the 8 immortals.
Hmm, doesn't seem
very special.
EhhHeh. Housekeeping?
Heh. Termites.
Daah!
Unh. Ohh.
Aaaahhhh!
Whoa!
Uh, pass the bok choy,
please?
Jackie!
Aah!
You are too loud!
Uncle, you are the one
who's yelling.
(Gasps)
You dishonor the only
known existing relic
of the 8 immortals.
You caused me to drop it.
(Gasps) You dishonor
your uncle.
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, what are you doing up?
"Old yeller"
is keeping us all up.
He hasn't slept in days.
Tohru, where is my tea?
(Snores) What?
(Continues snoring)
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, why won't
you sleep?
Because I have
demons on the brain.
I lay down,
and all I hear is
Chi spell, chi spell,
chi spell.
Have you tried
counting sheep?
Demons always eat them.
Ah, well, thank you
for watching Jade.
Where are you going?
We must study
the immortals' armor
and discover
what magic it holds.
Now? It is 3 A.M., uncle.
You should really
try to sleep.
(Cell phone rings)
How can I sleep
with all this noise?
Yes?
Jackie, we've spotted
the dark hand.
I'm on my way.
Care to know
where you're going?
I don't care.
Anywhere but here.
Ok.
Whew. Uncle, I'm off to Spain.
I will call you
for the chi spell
once I find out which demon
we're dealing with.
Take the armor.
It could be of some use.
But you have to discover
what magic it holds.
How can I do that
if you take it with you?
(Stammers)
Festive.
I'm telling you,
Pamplona's famous
for somethin'.
It must be the paella.
Oh, the thing they
whack with a stick
till candy comes out?
That would be
a piata, ratso.
This is Spain, not Mexico.
(Grunts)
I know this place
is famous for somethin'.
Shendu: Soon
it will be famous for
the return of dai gui,
the earth demon.
No, it won't.
(TV plays quietly)
Uncle: Jade, TV is too loud.
(Turns down volume)
Still too loud!
Grrr
I can hear the electricity
in the wires. Unplug!
(Sighs) I wish there was
a way to unplug uncle.
There's gotta be a chill-pill
potion in here.
Call uncle a lumberjack,
'cause he's gonna be
sawing logs.
Jade, the books
are laughing at me.
Not for long
tea, dear uncle?
Yes.
Blaaaah! Jade, this tea
tastes like it was brewed
with beard of goat.
One more thing--
it is bitter.
One more thing--
it is cold!
One more thing--
(yawning)
(Snores)
Hotcha.
Hmm
-Hak foo?
-Here I am.
Chan!
Spanish mackerel technique!
Unh! Ohh!
Shendu: Stop him,
you fop.
I'm trying, you old dragon.
Aah!
Shendu: Without touching
the good magic.
(Both grunt)
Valmont: I've got it.
Shendu: No, you fool.
It's good magic.
Shendu: Get it.
Gorilla grip.
Ohh.
(People yelling)
Do you hear that, chan?
The earth demon
has been released.
How can that be
the earth demon,
you baboon?
The portal remains
to be opened.
(Yelling)
That's what Pamplona's
famous for--
(rumbling)
The running of the bulls.
Yaaahhh!
Shendu: The box!
Huh? What? Oh.
Yaaahh!
Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!
Hoo-aaahhhh!
Mouse runs through maze!
(Grunting)
Hasta luego!
Wha? Huh?
Mouse takes cheese.
(Snoring)
SoHow deep
is the sleep?
(Clang)
Yea deep.
(Telephone rings)
- Uncle's rare finds.
May I help you?
- Jade?
Jackie! How's Spain?
You get a chance
to wear that smelly
old armor yet?
No, but I did
get a chance
to be bowlegged
and saddle-sore.
Let me speak
with uncle.
(Snoring)
Uncle's
taking a nap.
Oh, that's wonderful!
(Stammering)
No. Wake him up.
I need uncle
here in Spain
immediately.
ErrrrHeUh
Just went into the bathroom.
You know how he gets
when you interrupt
his private time.
I'll give him
the message.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Earth demon?!
Uh, mm-hmm.
Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.
Chi spell. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, ok.
I'll tell him.
And how long
does the deep sleep
spell last?
Wake up! Wake up,
wake up, wake up!
(Sighs)
(Snores)
We should have forced
uncle to count sheep.
Sheep! Tohru,
you are da bomb!
I'll use
the sheep talisman
to astro-project myself
into rip Van uncle's
dreams.
Where you will tell him
about the earth demon,
and he will
offer you
A chi spell.
Incoming!
Whoa. Sheep again.
Jade. How happy
I am to see you!
You are?
You are
my favorite person
in the whole
wide world.
You're not uncle.
What've you done with him?
Heh heh heh!
Oh, oh, Jade,
you are such a card.
Heh heh heh.
(Uncle hums cheerfully)
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hee hee hee
hee-hee hee-hee
it's only a dream.
It's only a dream.
Just give me
the ingredients
to cast a spell
against
the earth demon,
and you can go
back to being
all weird. Ok?
Oh, must I think
about demons?
Happy thoughts.
Only happy thoughts.
Uncle! I need
the chi spell! Now!
OK
Little miss cranky.
First you need the symbol
of the immortal
who originally defeated
the earth demon.
And that would be?
A flower!
Second
(Yawning)
You need
the key ingredient
found
- in every chi spell--
hair of ewe.
Didn't know my hair
was so potent.
And third?
For that,
I must do research.
(Yawns) After a nap.
Uncle!
Uncle!
- Grrr!
- Well?
Grab Mr. happypants.
We're flying to Spain.
"Mr. happypants"?
But what if uncle
does not wake in time
to cast the chi spell?
We have a long flight
to catch up
on our research!
Black: Black.
Captain black.
I've been trying
to reach you for hours.
Sorry, Jackie.
Company softball game.
Guess who hit
a home run.
You did? Oh,
congratula--oh. No.
Listen, I need help
from satellite
surveillance.
I have lost
valmont's trail.
Shendu: So good to see you
out and about, dai gui.
Rahrr
Too many flowers.
Dai gui does not
like "pretty."
My kingdom
must be submerged
into the depths
of the earth.
Do not stand there!
Start digging!
D-dDigging?
Shendu: We would be
most happy to assist,
burliest of brothers,
but
We have other portals
to seek,
family to release.
Rahrrr
Very well, then.
The dirty work
shall be mine alone.
Yaaahh!
Aaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Yaaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Hak foo: Antelope
flee raging bull!
Ratso: Land shark!
Hmm?
Bwaahh!
Gahh!
Yeee-ohhhhh!
Yohh! Oh! Ow! Ow!
Oh, ow!
Gooww!
Rahrrr
You are either
a very large grub
or this Jackie chan
of whom all demons speak.
Grub. Grub.
Consider yourself buried,
Jackie chan!
Yaaahh!
Nnaaahhhh!
(Panting fearfully)
What do I
have to lose?
If you have powers,
now would be
a good time
to demonstrate!
Look what I found.
Raahhrr!
GrubOr flatworm?
HahHah hah
Hah--huh?
Hup!
Didn't feel a thing.
(Snoring)
We got all
the chi ingredients.
We're golden.
Good, because
it does not seem
the sleep spell
will wear off
anytime soon.
About that
little screwup, t
Maybe Jackie doesn't
need to know about
sleeping beauty here?
ButHow can Jackie
not notice?
Earthquake?
Earth demon.
Raahhhrrr!
Raaahhhrrr!
Unhh!
Arrhh! Yarhh!
Rahhrr!
Jackie!
Uncle!
Raahhrr!
Whoops.
Raahhrr!
Uncle!
- You look rested.
Did you bring
the chi spell?
(Snoring)
Yes!
Where is it? Ow!
UhUncle needs
preparation time.
I will keep
dai gui busy.
Uhhhh!
Arrhhh!
I shall shell you
of that armor.
I bet that you
are soft inside
Like a lichee nut.
NnnUncle! Hurry!
Huh?
(Snoring)
NnnGnhhDuhh!
Uncle! This is
no time for a nap!
No sweat, Jackie.
We're just about
ready to chi.
You made the chi spell?
Talk later!
And now
for the hair of me.
Jade! The spell!
Hit it, t!
(Chanting like uncle)
(Chanting)
(Repeating)
Ohhh!
(Chuckles
embarrassedly)
Aim still needs work.
No portal has opened.
The chi spell
did not work.
MmmBut
I followed
the instructions!
Ohhh
Dai gui does not
like flowers.
Oh, no!
(Uncle yawning)
(Yawning)
Good morning,
Jade!
Raahhrrr!
Aiyaaaahhh!
Uncle, we have
the ingredients.
What are we
doing wrong?
I see no hair
of ewe.
I keep plucking,
I'm gonna get
a bald spot.
No, Jade. Ewe.
A female sheep.
Well, there's
plenty of those
In your dreams.
Wool?
(Frantic
chanting)
(Joins in
chanting)
(Chanting continues)
(Frantic chanting)
UhhRaaahhhh
Uhhh!
Here comes my favorite part.
Dai gui: Nooooooo
Ooooooo
How are you
feeling, uncle?
Very well
Thank you.
Except for
the demon screaming
in my face!
One more thing!
I told you the armor
was good armor!
One more thing!
You should never
question uncle!
You should've made
uncle's tea stronger.
He is still cranky.
I don't think
there's enough tea
in China
to simmer
uncle down.
But I'll take
Mr. sourpuss
over Mr. happypants
any ol' day.
Hey, Jackie.
How many hours a day
do you work out?
That really depends.
If I'm filming
the whole day,
at least an hour a day.
Nothing to shoot
for the next couple
of days,
then at least 3 hour
a day.
After you train
so hard
Ok, I have to watch
My diet.
NothingImportant
Than health.
(Coughs)
OhThe armor
of the 8 immortals.
Hmm, doesn't seem
very special.
EhhHeh. Housekeeping?
Heh. Termites.
Daah!
Unh. Ohh.
Aaaahhhh!
Whoa!
Uh, pass the bok choy,
please?
Jackie!
Aah!
You are too loud!
Uncle, you are the one
who's yelling.
(Gasps)
You dishonor the only
known existing relic
of the 8 immortals.
You caused me to drop it.
(Gasps) You dishonor
your uncle.
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, what are you doing up?
"Old yeller"
is keeping us all up.
He hasn't slept in days.
Tohru, where is my tea?
(Snores) What?
(Continues snoring)
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, why won't
you sleep?
Because I have
demons on the brain.
I lay down,
and all I hear is
Chi spell, chi spell,
chi spell.
Have you tried
counting sheep?
Demons always eat them.
Ah, well, thank you
for watching Jade.
Where are you going?
We must study
the immortals' armor
and discover
what magic it holds.
Now? It is 3 A.M., uncle.
You should really
try to sleep.
(Cell phone rings)
How can I sleep
with all this noise?
Yes?
Jackie, we've spotted
the dark hand.
I'm on my way.
Care to know
where you're going?
I don't care.
Anywhere but here.
Ok.
Whew. Uncle, I'm off to Spain.
I will call you
for the chi spell
once I find out which demon
we're dealing with.
Take the armor.
It could be of some use.
But you have to discover
what magic it holds.
How can I do that
if you take it with you?
(Stammers)
Festive.
I'm telling you,
Pamplona's famous
for somethin'.
It must be the paella.
Oh, the thing they
whack with a stick
till candy comes out?
That would be
a piata, ratso.
This is Spain, not Mexico.
(Grunts)
I know this place
is famous for somethin'.
Shendu: Soon
it will be famous for
the return of dai gui,
the earth demon.
No, it won't.
(TV plays quietly)
Uncle: Jade, TV is too loud.
(Turns down volume)
Still too loud!
Grrr
I can hear the electricity
in the wires. Unplug!
(Sighs) I wish there was
a way to unplug uncle.
There's gotta be a chill-pill
potion in here.
Call uncle a lumberjack,
'cause he's gonna be
sawing logs.
Jade, the books
are laughing at me.
Not for long
tea, dear uncle?
Yes.
Blaaaah! Jade, this tea
tastes like it was brewed
with beard of goat.
One more thing--
it is bitter.
One more thing--
it is cold!
One more thing--
(yawning)
(Snores)
Hotcha.
Hmm
-Hak foo?
-Here I am.
Chan!
Spanish mackerel technique!
Unh! Ohh!
Shendu: Stop him,
you fop.
I'm trying, you old dragon.
Aah!
Shendu: Without touching
the good magic.
(Both grunt)
Valmont: I've got it.
Shendu: No, you fool.
It's good magic.
Shendu: Get it.
Gorilla grip.
Ohh.
(People yelling)
Do you hear that, chan?
The earth demon
has been released.
How can that be
the earth demon,
you baboon?
The portal remains
to be opened.
(Yelling)
That's what Pamplona's
famous for--
(rumbling)
The running of the bulls.
Yaaahhh!
Shendu: The box!
Huh? What? Oh.
Yaaahh!
Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!
Hoo-aaahhhh!
Mouse runs through maze!
(Grunting)
Hasta luego!
Wha? Huh?
Mouse takes cheese.
(Snoring)
SoHow deep
is the sleep?
(Clang)
Yea deep.
(Telephone rings)
- Uncle's rare finds.
May I help you?
- Jade?
Jackie! How's Spain?
You get a chance
to wear that smelly
old armor yet?
No, but I did
get a chance
to be bowlegged
and saddle-sore.
Let me speak
with uncle.
(Snoring)
Uncle's
taking a nap.
Oh, that's wonderful!
(Stammering)
No. Wake him up.
I need uncle
here in Spain
immediately.
ErrrrHeUh
Just went into the bathroom.
You know how he gets
when you interrupt
his private time.
I'll give him
the message.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Earth demon?!
Uh, mm-hmm.
Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.
Chi spell. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, ok.
I'll tell him.
And how long
does the deep sleep
spell last?
Wake up! Wake up,
wake up, wake up!
(Sighs)
(Snores)
We should have forced
uncle to count sheep.
Sheep! Tohru,
you are da bomb!
I'll use
the sheep talisman
to astro-project myself
into rip Van uncle's
dreams.
Where you will tell him
about the earth demon,
and he will
offer you
A chi spell.
Incoming!
Whoa. Sheep again.
Jade. How happy
I am to see you!
You are?
You are
my favorite person
in the whole
wide world.
You're not uncle.
What've you done with him?
Heh heh heh!
Oh, oh, Jade,
you are such a card.
Heh heh heh.
(Uncle hums cheerfully)
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hee hee hee
hee-hee hee-hee
it's only a dream.
It's only a dream.
Just give me
the ingredients
to cast a spell
against
the earth demon,
and you can go
back to being
all weird. Ok?
Oh, must I think
about demons?
Happy thoughts.
Only happy thoughts.
Uncle! I need
the chi spell! Now!
OK
Little miss cranky.
First you need the symbol
of the immortal
who originally defeated
the earth demon.
And that would be?
A flower!
Second
(Yawning)
You need
the key ingredient
found
- in every chi spell--
hair of ewe.
Didn't know my hair
was so potent.
And third?
For that,
I must do research.
(Yawns) After a nap.
Uncle!
Uncle!
- Grrr!
- Well?
Grab Mr. happypants.
We're flying to Spain.
"Mr. happypants"?
But what if uncle
does not wake in time
to cast the chi spell?
We have a long flight
to catch up
on our research!
Black: Black.
Captain black.
I've been trying
to reach you for hours.
Sorry, Jackie.
Company softball game.
Guess who hit
a home run.
You did? Oh,
congratula--oh. No.
Listen, I need help
from satellite
surveillance.
I have lost
valmont's trail.
Shendu: So good to see you
out and about, dai gui.
Rahrr
Too many flowers.
Dai gui does not
like "pretty."
My kingdom
must be submerged
into the depths
of the earth.
Do not stand there!
Start digging!
D-dDigging?
Shendu: We would be
most happy to assist,
burliest of brothers,
but
We have other portals
to seek,
family to release.
Rahrrr
Very well, then.
The dirty work
shall be mine alone.
Yaaahh!
Aaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Yaaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Aaahhh!
Hak foo: Antelope
flee raging bull!
Ratso: Land shark!
Hmm?
Bwaahh!
Gahh!
Yeee-ohhhhh!
Yohh! Oh! Ow! Ow!
Oh, ow!
Gooww!
Rahrrr
You are either
a very large grub
or this Jackie chan
of whom all demons speak.
Grub. Grub.
Consider yourself buried,
Jackie chan!
Yaaahh!
Nnaaahhhh!
(Panting fearfully)
What do I
have to lose?
If you have powers,
now would be
a good time
to demonstrate!
Look what I found.
Raahhrr!
GrubOr flatworm?
HahHah hah
Hah--huh?
Hup!
Didn't feel a thing.
(Snoring)
We got all
the chi ingredients.
We're golden.
Good, because
it does not seem
the sleep spell
will wear off
anytime soon.
About that
little screwup, t
Maybe Jackie doesn't
need to know about
sleeping beauty here?
ButHow can Jackie
not notice?
Earthquake?
Earth demon.
Raahhhrrr!
Raaahhhrrr!
Unhh!
Arrhh! Yarhh!
Rahhrr!
Jackie!
Uncle!
Raahhrr!
Whoops.
Raahhrr!
Uncle!
- You look rested.
Did you bring
the chi spell?
(Snoring)
Yes!
Where is it? Ow!
UhUncle needs
preparation time.
I will keep
dai gui busy.
Uhhhh!
Arrhhh!
I shall shell you
of that armor.
I bet that you
are soft inside
Like a lichee nut.
NnnUncle! Hurry!
Huh?
(Snoring)
NnnGnhhDuhh!
Uncle! This is
no time for a nap!
No sweat, Jackie.
We're just about
ready to chi.
You made the chi spell?
Talk later!
And now
for the hair of me.
Jade! The spell!
Hit it, t!
(Chanting like uncle)
(Chanting)
(Repeating)
Ohhh!
(Chuckles
embarrassedly)
Aim still needs work.
No portal has opened.
The chi spell
did not work.
MmmBut
I followed
the instructions!
Ohhh
Dai gui does not
like flowers.
Oh, no!
(Uncle yawning)
(Yawning)
Good morning,
Jade!
Raahhrrr!
Aiyaaaahhh!
Uncle, we have
the ingredients.
What are we
doing wrong?
I see no hair
of ewe.
I keep plucking,
I'm gonna get
a bald spot.
No, Jade. Ewe.
A female sheep.
Well, there's
plenty of those
In your dreams.
Wool?
(Frantic
chanting)
(Joins in
chanting)
(Chanting continues)
(Frantic chanting)
UhhRaaahhhh
Uhhh!
Here comes my favorite part.
Dai gui: Nooooooo
Ooooooo
How are you
feeling, uncle?
Very well
Thank you.
Except for
the demon screaming
in my face!
One more thing!
I told you the armor
was good armor!
One more thing!
You should never
question uncle!
You should've made
uncle's tea stronger.
He is still cranky.
I don't think
there's enough tea
in China
to simmer
uncle down.
But I'll take
Mr. sourpuss
over Mr. happypants
any ol' day.
Hey, Jackie.
How many hours a day
do you work out?
That really depends.
If I'm filming
the whole day,
at least an hour a day.
Nothing to shoot
for the next couple
of days,
then at least 3 hour
a day.
After you train
so hard
Ok, I have to watch
My diet.
NothingImportant
Than health.