The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e17 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
How's it going, Mike?
Fine, Mr. Phillips.
Very good.
That window detail in native stone
helped a lot.
I thought they added something.
How about adding something else
the Brady family to my boat Saturday?
That is, if they'd like a fishing expedition.
Oh, I'm sure they would.
There's a lot of Bradys eight.
Make it nine. Bring your housekeeper.
My wife and I really enjoyed
the dinner at your home.
That's a pretty big invitation.
Well, it's a pretty big boat
and a pretty big ocean.
Talk to you about it later.
Thanks, Mr. Phillips.
( Busy signal )
Well, Carter's has nice towels, Ellie.
On sale?
Well, yeah, it'd be worth taking a look.
Well, how about next Thursday?
Oh, well, look, Ellie, I got to go.
Mike's home.
No. Look, why don't you call me later?
No, I have to go now, Ellie. Good-bye.
It's almost impossible
to get her off the telephone.
Where is everybody?
Scattered.
Hey, kids! Kids!
Is something wrong, Mike?
No. On the contrary, something is dandy.
Come on, gang, on the double!
We're here, Dad.
On the double.
Where are, um, Bobby and Marcia?
Bobby's at Chuck's.
Marcia's at Sue's.
We'll pass the good news
on to them later.
What good news?
Mr. Phillips has invited
all of us, including Alice,
out on his boat next Saturday
for a day of deep-sea fishing.
( Screaming enthusiastically )
The kids have other plans on Saturday.
We'll change them.
I've never been on a boat before.
I think I'd rather go fishing.
There's no reason we can't go.
MIKE: Now, everybody stay healthy.
Let's not spoil this trip.
Pete, let's check our fishing gear.
We better go tell Alice about this.
( Sneezes )
Sorry, fellas. I'm not going.
You've got to, Alice.
Dad's boss invited you.
Specially.
When it comes to boats, just forget
about good old Alice.
I get seasick when I stir my coffee.
It's all in your head, Alice.
They have pills you can take
when you go on boats.
Yeah, I know. I take those
when I start up the washing machine.
We rigged this up just to help you.
It'll keep you from getting seasick.
Ah, no, thanks. No.
All you have to do
is get used to the motion.
At least try it, Alice.
Yeah. The trip won't be the same
without you.
Okay.
We'll help you up.
Uh whaa
Oh, what?
- What, what do I do?
Pretend you're out at sea.
Isn't it easy?
Well, I'm not very far out yet.
Keep your eye on the horizon.
Your knees act like springs.
Go against the roll of the boat.
Hey, this isn't too bad.
That's what we told you.
Now try it the other way.
What other way?
Try sideways, like you're
going in the swells.
Like this?
Yeah.
You'll be the best sailor in the family.
Yeah, I might at that.
Then again, I might not.
On Mr. Phillips' boat,
we'll be using live bait.
Right now, we'll use
this sinker for weight.
Okay.
Just swing it back and forth?
Yeah. Give it a lot of arm action, though.
Okay.
And aim for the bucket.
ALICE: Hey!
That's good.
Marcia, that was marvelous.
What kind of fish will we catch, Dad?
Oh, I don't know.
Um, bass, barracuda, halibut, maybe.
I want to catch something big
like a whale.
Hello, everybody.
MIKE: Let's see how your mom can do.
Are you kidding?
I used to fish with my father all the time.
You did, huh?
Oh, sure.
It's all in the wrist.
You just got to know
how to flip the old wrist.
Okay, just flip away here.
Okay, now watch this.
The old sidearmer.
Ready?
( Whistles )
ALL: Wow!
All the way into the Ditmeyer's yard.
Here we go.
Uh-oh. I think you're hung up there.
Yeah.
I'll get it.
CAROL: Thanks, Alice.
ALICE: Reel it in, Mrs. Brady.
Yeah. Yeah.
Congratulations, Mrs. Brady.
You just caught
a five-pound bag of charcoal.
Oh, no.
( Sneezes )
MAN: She's running a low fever,
and her tonsils are quite inflamed.
We've been through this
before, Mr. Brady.
They really should come out.
Right away, Doc?
I'll check her again Thursday.
But, just in case, I'll reserve
a hospital room for Saturday.
Meanwhile, uh
keep her in bed, and lots of liquids.
I'll send over a prescription.
Thank you, Dr. Howard.
I'll find my own way out.
Good-bye, young lady.
Bye.
MIKE: Thanks, Doc.
Thanks so much for coming.
Not at all.
I want to go on the boat Saturday.
Well, we can go some other time.
I think your tonsils are more important.
Almost everyone
has to have them out
sometime, sweetheart.
It's not so bad.
Nah. Sleep through the whole thing.
When you wake up, you can have
all the ice cream you want,
and you won't catch colds
or get sore throats anymore.
Well, what if my tonsils get better?
Then can I go
on Mr. Phillips' boat Saturday?
Well, if you're better,
and you don't need them out, yes.
And if you stay in bed
like the doctor said,
and lots of liquids
You know what liquids are?
Sure. Water and milk,
and even ice cream if you melt it.
She still has a slight fever.
I guess there goes the boat trip.
It isn't my fault.
It's my tonsils' fault.
Isn't it a little warm and stuffy in here?
Patients' rooms have to be warm.
But not stuffy.
Let's leave that door open.
You girls are a real big help.
I'll get her some more soup.
Honey, give Alice a fighting chance.
You're using it up
faster than she can make it.
101.5.
When did you take it?
Just now.
We take it every five minutes.
Why don't you just leave it in her mouth?
She couldn't eat her soup.
You know what the doctor
said about liquids, Mom.
Sip some liquid, even if it has junk in it.
We want her to get well
so we can go on that boat trip.
We gave up our ballet
for Saturday afternoon.
Yes, I know all about it.
Now why don't you two
Florence Nightingales
go get ready for dinner?
The relief nurse will take over.
Thank you.
There.
Chow time, men.
Oh
why the dragging chins?
Well, with Cindy sick,
the boat trip will probably be off.
Oh, yeah.
Well, it's not exactly the end of the world.
Well, look what we gave up for it.
Yeah. The Hansons
invited Bobby and me
to the circus Saturday afternoon, and we
turned it down.
I gave up a basketball game.
They got some guy to replace me.
And now we don't even have
the boat trip.
Well, maybe we do.
Two weeks from Saturday
would be better for us, Mr. Phillips.
If that's okay with you, of course.
Oh, yeah, that'd be fine.
Thanks very much.
I'll see you in the morning.
All set, men.
Thanks, Dad.
Let's tell the girls.
So it's "Down to the sea again in ships"?
Yeah. You don't sound too thrilled.
Well, let's just say
I'm none the mal de merrier.
Oh, Alice, seasickness
is just a state of mind.
Well, I'm a native of that state.
I better get this soup up to Cindy.
She hasn't had any
for almost 15 minutes.
Well, the boys broke the good news.
Yeah. In two weeks,
Cindy ought to be fine.
( Phone ringing )
Hello.
Oh, it's you, Ellie.
Well, I'm just a little busy
at the moment, Ellie.
Be firm. Hang up.
Mike, I can't insult her.
Of course, yes, I am listening, Ellie.
Yes, Ellie. Yes, sure.
Yeah, everything's just fine.
Yeah.
I just want one look, Cindy.
I'm all better.
Honey, Dr. Howard's
not going to hurt you.
He just wants to check your tonsils.
My tonsils went away.
Now, please, honey, just one little peek?
Oh, honey, watch Mommy.
It's very simple.
Just open your mouth wide,
and the doctor puts the little stick in.
Ah.
There. You see, honey?
Mrs. Brady, do you mind
if I take another peek?
Oh, no. Not at all.
Now watch, honey.
Ah.
See? There's nothing to it.
Now you do what Mommy did.
Right. It's your turn now, Cindy.
Come on.
Okay, but only one peek.
Open wide.
Ah.
Uh-huh.
Well, there's no doubt about it.
They have to come out?
Oh, for sure.
Check them into the hospital
before 6:00 Friday afternoon.
Them?
Us?
Your tonsils are
almost as bad as Cindy's.
But that's impossible.
I mean, I had sore throats
every now and then
but, well, it feels just fine now.
Mine, too.
There are other symptoms
of tonsillitis. And, in adults,
it can be more serious if you let them go.
If you feel that I'm qualified
to judge your daughter's condition,
then you must feel that
I'm qualified to judge yours.
Oh, I do
Check them both
into the hospital before 6:00 Friday.
Good-bye, all.
Good-bye.
( Chuckling )
Well, you might
have said something, Mike.
Honey, I was afraid to open my mouth
for fear he'd take mine out, too.
Aw.
I hope you kids are going to be all right
while I'm gone.
We'll be fine, Mom.
We'll have Dad and Alice.
Oh, that's right.
And you'll have Cindy.
Have a good time, Mom.
Oh, thanks, Peter.
That's the same advice I got from Bobby.
Don't forget your dental appointment
in the morning.
How could I forget?
You told me three times
in the last half hour.
Marcia, you better
go help Cindy pack, okay?
She's all packed. Jan helped her.
Well, then, what are we waiting for?
You.
Anything I can do, Mom?
Yes. Would you tell your
father we're just about ready?
Right.
Oh, here he is.
Oh, Cindy, honey, I don't think
you'll need your doll in the hospital.
If I have to have my tonsils out,
so does she.
Cindy, what in the world
have you got in here?
Oh, just a few things I need.
Like what?
Like my stuffed elephant,
my teddy bear, my piggy bank
and a bag of rocks.
I've got a few nonessentials
here for Cindy
pajamas, slippers, toothbrush.
Oh, thanks, Alice.
Well, I guess that'll just about do it.
( Phone rings )
That's got to be Ellie.
Hello.
Hi, Ellie.
Oh, I'm sorry. You just missed her.
She's on her way to the hospital.
Yeah, I sure will.
Bye, Ellie.
Mike, I am not on my way to the hospital.
Oh, yes, you are. Come on, right now.
When you get back,
the ice cream will be ready and waiting.
Thanks, Alice.
That's a very comforting thought.
( Whistling )
Well, you're both doing fine.
Now, just follow two strict orders.
First, stay in bed.
Doctor
And, second, not a peep
out of either of you.
Now, what's that supposed to mean?
Uh the family's due
to go on a boating trip
a week from Saturday. Uh
Oh.
Well, you'll make it.
Uh, lots of liquids, uh,
gelatin, ice cream
And remember,
no talking, okay?
I'll drop in tomorrow morning.
Thanks, Dr. Howard.
Bye-bye.
Well, I have to get to the office.
Is there anything you want?
Uh, don't answer.
Write it down.
Cindy?
Well, okay.
Now, remember, Carol, no talking,
especially if your friend Ellie calls.
Let Alice answer the phone.
Okay.
I'll be home early.
Well, Alice, good go, Alice.
Well, this should get them off
to a good start.
( Sighs )
Now, remember, it's a little rough
going down at first.
Take your time.
Easy does it.
( Sighs )
I'm headed for the market.
Any special requests?
Get a dozen
Write it down.
Okay, uh, Cindy, more ice cream?
Vanilla?
Chocolate?
Strawberry?
Which one?
( Phone ringing )
( Phone ringing )
Hello.
What are you doing
answering the phone?
Where's Alice?
At the market.
I won I won't do it again.
Good. How do you feel?
Uh no, don't answer.
I'll see you later.
Bye.
( Phone ringing )
( Ringing )
Hello.
( High-pitched voice ):
Hi, Carol. This is Ellie.
Ellie?
It doesn't sound like you.
You know why?
Why?
'Cause it's your husband.
Sorry, wrong number.
WOMAN: Yes, Mr. Phillips?
Uh, get me Mike Brady, please.
Mr. Brady left about 15 minutes ago
something about getting home
to his wife.
Oh, yes, she's back from the hospital.
Uh, what's that number?
( Phone ringing )
Bet that's Daddy.
Not again.
Maybe it's Ellie.
( Ringing )
Hello.
Ahoy, Mrs. Brady.
This is Mr. Phillips.
Daddy?
Sure, it's Mr. Phillips.
Feeling better?
Not well enough to go
on that broken-down
barnacle barge of yours.
( Receiver clicking )
Hi, honey.
Oh, no.
What's the matter?
Mike, I just
Honey, don't talk. Write it.
What did you just?
My boss
You thought it was me on the phone
trying to trick you?
You called his boat a broken-down
barnacle barge?
You know this wouldn't have
happened if you'd stayed
off the phone.
Oh, well, I'm sure I can square it.
I'll call him back and
explain the whole thing.
He'll probably get a big kick out of it.
Uh, Mr. Phillips, please.
Mike Brady calling.
Mr. Phillips, this is Mike Brady.
There's been a funny
misunderstanding here today,
and I think you'll get a big kick out of it.
( Receiver clicking )
He didn't get a big kick out of it.
( Doorbell chimes )
Good evening, Mike.
Mr. Phillips.
May I come in?
Why, of course.
Thank you.
Well
it's so good to see you up and around.
Thank you.
Oh, she's not supposed to speak.
Uh, that's what caused the mix-up
on the phone this afternoon.
She thought I was tricking her.
You know, you can insult a man's wife,
but never his boat.
I must admit my nose
was slightly out of joint
at the time but, in thinking it over,
I realized there must be
some logical explanation,
and that's why I dropped by,
to bring you these
Oh, thank you.
And to ask you if
you'd all still like to go on that boat trip
a week from Saturday.
Oh, I think I can get you
a quick answer, Mr. Phillips.
Kids?
Mr. Phillips wants to know
if we still want to go on that boat trip.
( Excited yelling )
Splendid. I'm looking forward to it myself.
For me?
I have a beautiful boat?
( laughing )
Well, that makes up for everything.
Good night, Mrs. Brady
Mike.
Good night, and thanks.
Oh, don't mention it.
Uh, don't bother seeing me out.
( Door opening )
Mike
Honey, don't talk.
But, Mike
Oh, boy, I guess there's only
one way to shut your mouth.
But, Mike, I
What a groovy day on Mr. Phillips' boat.
How about that fish I caught?
My fish was bigger.
Well, if I would've caught it.
Okay, kids, up to bed.
( Sighs )
Kids sure got a kick out of it.
( Sighs )
( Alice mumbling )
I don't know how anybody
could get seasick so fast.
It wasn't so fast.
I was perfectly fine till I saw the boat.
Okay, guys, we'll take
over from here. Thanks.
Oh, come, Alice.
Now, you'll be all right.
I bet I get it in this time.
( Peter laughing )
Well, I was close.
Hey, you fellas better get washed up.
Your father'll be home
for dinner any minute.
Wait a second, Mom.
We're having a contest.
Bet you I get closer.
( Greg laughing ):
You missed it by a mile.
You didn't get it in either.
Uh, you guys want to stand back
and watch the old queen
of the sidearmers here, take over?
Watch this now.
Right in the old bucket.
( Thump )
Right over the fence.
You don't know your own strength, Mom.
Well, you got it, you got it.
Oop!
I think you're hooked up again.
Oh, no.
Yeah. Come on.
I hope it's not
Mr. Ditmeyer's charcoal again.
No, Mrs. Brady
it's Mr. Ditmeyer.
( Snickering )