Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e20 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail
that day for a three-hour tour ♪
a three-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Novel idea, giving the annual ho
well cotillion on a deserted island,
don't you think, lovey?
Yes, it is, dear. Do you
remember when we gave it
in the Mahatma Gandhi room
at the Taj Mahal?
Oh, it's simple things like that
that make life worth living, my dear.
Do you know, thurston,
though, I'm a little disappointed.
There are some people on the
mainland I wanted to invite this year.
You're disappointed?
Think how they must feel.
In the social set, this must be known
as the year that time stood still.
The poor dears.
Uh, lovey
- Yes, dear?
Do you think the guests will notice
that my tails are last year's?
Oh, look on the bright side, darling.
It may start a whole new trend!
Yes, like the time I wore a
carnation made of shredded $100 bills.
Oh, what daring I had in those days.
There. That's finished.
Oh, my poor dear,
you must be exhausted,
making out the invitations
without a secretary.
I wish there was
something that I could do.
Well, if it's not too tiring,
you could deliver them.
Oh, yes. Yes, of
course. Of course I could.
I see you invited them all.
Well, I thought it best
under the circumstances.
My, my, aren't we being Democratic
In a republican sort of way?
Is everybody happy?
Delivering mail can be fun.
[Chuckling]
Ohhh
[Chuckling]
Oh, yes. What is it
those mailmen chaps say?
Neither rain nor sleet nor snow
they never said anything about trees.
One two.
One two.
One two.
Hope I'm not botherin' you
with my exercise, skipper.
Because, you know,
you gotta stay in shape.
One two
Three four.
One gilligan! For goodness sakes,
if you must exercise
someplace, exercise over there.
Ok, skipper. I gotta do my push-ups.
One two
One two
One two
Huhhh! [Smack]
Uhh.
[Muttering]
Now what happened?
[Speaking inarticulately]
I was doin' my push-ups, and somebody
shoved this envelope in my mouth.
Hey, it's addressed to me!
Well, open it.
Yeah.
Oh, it's an invitation from the howells
inviting me to the
howells' annual cotillion.
Oh, skipper! I'm goin' to
the howells' annual cot
skipper? Yes?
What's a cotillion?
It's a dance.
A dance! Oh, boy, I'm going
what am I excited about? I can't dance.
Anyway, it's still an honor
to be invited to the
howells' annual cotillion.
I wonder what I'll wear. Let's see
What are you lookin' for?
Well, I'm lookin' for my invitation, gilligan.
Oh.
Are you sure another
envelope didn't come?
Open your mouth.
Hmm. Maybe the howells
aren't going to invite me.
Naw. Ha ha ha!
Still, um
No, that's ridiculous. Yeah.
Uh
Gilligan
Have you seen my monkey wrench?
Your monkey wrench?
Oh, I think it's on the
oh, never mind. I think
it's over at the professor's.
In fact, I remember it is.
I'll go over and see
if he's got it. Ha ha ha!
I'll see you later, little buddy.
Hi, professor.
Oh, hi, skipper.
Uh, have you seen my monkey wrench?
I left it somewhere on
the island. I can't find it.
No. Where did you have it last?
Well, I think I had it over at Uh
Are you making something?
Yes. I'm working on a food preservative.
Oh, a food preservative. Well.
What's this?
Sodium nitrate.
Oh. And what's this?
Calcium carbonate.
Uh-huh.
Oh. Well, what's this?
Oh, that's my invitation from the howells.
Oh, that's what I thought it was.
I get a kick out of the way
it's written. It's so formal.
"Mr. and Mrs. thurston ho well III
request the honor of your presence."
Why don't they just come
out and say "you're invited"?
That's what I'd like to know.
[Knock on door]
Come in.
Oh, I'm sorry, ginger.
I didn't know that you were busy.
It's alright. Come on in, skipper.
I've got a problem.
Yeah, who hasn't?
I don't know which dress to
wear to the ho well cotillion.
Oh, I wish I had such a problem.
Well, if you were me,
which one would you wear?
Well, uh, ginger, I mean, you look good
in both of them. What
difference does it make?
Oh, you men are so lucky.
You can wear anything,
and nobody cares.
Yeah, that's right. Nobody cares.
You're so blase. Don't
you know what it means
to be invited to the ho well cotillion?
No, I don't! I'll see you later, ginger.
[Whistling a dance tune]
Hi, skipper. Hi, gilligan.
Hey, I see you found
your monkey wrench.
My what? My oh.
Yeah, my monkey wrench.
Is there any mail for me?
Mail? Nope.
Are you sure?
If you don't believe me, look.
Oh gilligan
Skipper, I wondered
if you'd do me a favor.
Would you lend me a rsvp? I
mean, if you got an extra one?
Lend you a what?
A rsvp. It says right here in
the invitation I gotta wear one.
See? Right here. "Rsvp."
Gilligan, that's r.S.V.P.
Ok. Do you have an extra one?
Gilligan, what you're supposed to do
is write the howells and
tell 'em that you're coming.
Oh.
That is, if you're going.
'Course I am. A guy'd
have to be pretty stupid
to pass up a chance like this.
Ok, smarty, go ahead
and r.S.V.P.! See if I care!
Skipper, you don't have
to yell. I'm not yelling!
I'd hate to hear you whisper.
For goodness sakes,
why should I let a little thing
like not getting an
invitation get me down?
So what if I'm the only one
that doesn't get an invitation?
It's nothing to cry about.
After all, I'm not a child.
I'm a man!
But why does it always have to be me?!
You know, I was thinking of extending
an invitation to our October fox hunt.
Thurston, how can you?
There isn't a single fox on the island.
We'll have to improvise.
We'll put one of your
mink coats on gilligan.
Heh! Tallyho! Ha ha! See? Ha ha!
[Chuckles]
Hello there, Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell.
Beautiful day, isn't it?
The best. That is, if you
haven't got a lot of work to do.
Work?
Watch your language in front of my wife.
What I meant is, uh
Getting ready for the dance?
Oh, yes. There are a
million things to be done.
Well, that's why I thought
maybe I could help
Uh, giving out invitations.
Oh, they're all out.
Delivered them myself.
I'm simply exhausted.
You delivered them all?
Naturally. It's the first thing you do.
I know. I was just talking with the others,
and they're all excited
about coming to the party.
Well, as well they should be. After all.
It isn't everyone who gets an
invitation to the ho well cotillion.
Yeah, I know.
Uh, bye, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
Strange man.
There's gotta be some reason for this.
I mean, you must've said somethin'
to offend the howells, skipper.
I can't think of anything.
Wait a minute. How about the last party?
You spilled soup all over Mr. Howell.
Gilligan, I didn't spill the soup. You did.
Oh, yeah. Well, how about the time
you stepped on Mrs. Howell's
dress, and you ripped
that was me, too.
It was also you who stepped
on Mr. Howell's glasses
and smashed 'em to bits.
That's it. That's why
you didn't get invited.
You don't pay enough attention to 'em.
Oh, brother.
Well, it's a possibility.
Gilligan, look, I don't need
any of your stupid suggestions.
I got enough of my own.
Now, why don't you go
to the party, enjoy yourself,
have a nice dance, and
just forget all about me?
I'll stay here all by myself.
Skipper, I can't forget all about
you. I mean You're the skipper.
If you don't go to the
party, I don't go to the party.
What did you say, gilligan?
I mean it. If you don't go to
the party, I don't go to the party.
I'll stay here with you.
Gilligan, uh
help me outta here.
Gilligan. The howells
may be snooty, but I'm not.
Oh, gilligan, I want to tell you,
this is the nicest thing
that you've ever said to me,
and I really appreciate what you're doing.
Well, we're buddies. We're pals!
Yeah. Share and share alike.
Where I go, you go.
And wherever I go, you go.
Yeah. Here's what I think of
the howells and their invitation.
Oh you are a real little buddy.
Thanks, skipper.
Gilligan, look what I found!
But, skipper, that
it's an invitation to the party!
Skipper I wonder what I'll wear.
Skipper gilligan, I'll tell you
all about the party when I get back!
Skipper, you wouldn't.
'Course I wouldn't,
gilligan. I'm just kidding.
Ha ha ha ha ha! [Knock knock]
Come in.
Oh.
Hi, skipper. Say, did
you get your invitation?
I did not.
Oh, I think that's terrible.
Yeah. I was counting on having
a number of dances with you, skipper.
Now it won't be any fun at all.
If the skipper isn't going,
I'm not going, either.
Isn't that nice of gilligan?
Well, I feel very strongly
about this myself,
and I think I shall send my
regrets to the howells also.
Well, you can count on me,
too. How about you, ginger?
Well, you bet. Imagine inviting
everybody but the skipper.
I wouldn't dream of going to a party
that's so unfair and so unjust.
And besides, there won't be
any single men to dance with.
Oh, but I can't let you all do this.
After all, you've been
counting on going to the party.
Say, what's to prevent us
from throwing a party ourselves?
That's a wonderful idea!
Yeah! Why don't we
have a masquerade party?
Yeah! We could have it
in the honor of the skipper.
Oh w-what do I say?
Please, skipper, just say "rsvp."
Uh uh That's r.S.V.P., gilligan
And I rsvp myself right now!
A lovely morning stroll.
Another beautiful,
sun-drenched, carefree day
here on the island.
Well, my dear, what have we here?
Oh, those must be the
answers to our invitation.
I haven't looked at them yet.
Oh, just a formality.
Nobody in his right mind
would decline an invitation
from the howells, my dear.
Well, that's true. This one's from gilligan.
I didn't know he could write.
What? What?
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Howell, I am fine.
"Hope you are the same.
Thank you for your invitation,
"but I have just been invited
to a previous engagement,
"which is on the same night
as your party,
"which I cannot come to.
Yours very truly, gilligan."
Well, is he coming, or isn't he coming?
I'm not sure, but I don't think he is.
Like I said, nobody in his right mind
would decline an
invitation from the howells.
This is from the professor. Yes?
He's not coming, either. What?!
He's going to a party
in honor of the skipper.
And so is ginger!
And so is Mary Ann.
[Gasps] They're all going to
a party in honor of the skipper.
Oh thurston
Thurston I think I'm going to faint.
Lovey, my dear, be careful.
Remember that you're a ho well.
But do you realize that not only are they
not coming to our cotillion,
but they're going to a party
that we haven't even been asked to.
Lovey
Yes, thurston?
When you faint, be careful.
I just may beat you to the floor.
Ohhh
There, there, there,
my dear, my precious one.
But it isn't bad enough
that they turned down
the invitation to our party,
but not to invite us to theirs
Oh, what are people coming to?
It's the same all over the world.
One of my ranches in Africa
declared itself a free nation.
The humiliation of it.
Thurston, dear, I've made up my mind.
The ho well cotillion
will go on as planned.
Hear, hear! Even though you and I
will be the only ones attending.
This will be one ho well party
where we don't have to
worry about gate-crashers.
I still don't understand how anyone
could decline a ho well invitation.
Yes, I've been wondering about that.
What could you have done
to offend them?
Me, the epitome of charm
and grace, offend someone?
Yes, I know most of the time
you are sweet and lovable,
but there are times when you're, uh,
somewhat of a A ninny.
A ninny?! Now, you take that back!
Certainly not, because it's the truth.
Only yesterday at the
beach, you ranted and raged
at poor gilligan in front of everybody.
It was a disgraceful exhibition.
Well, I had a perfect right
to act the way I did.
The clumsy oaf stepped
on my sand castle.
Nevertheless, it was most humiliating,
and I was very embarrassed for you.
Well! Very well, Mrs. Howell,
I will spare you further embarrassment.
I'm going to leave,
and I'm not coming back.
I am going to my club!
I'll send for my things later!
I know someone else that
isn't going to your silly cotillion
me!
M.i.!
Ooh!
Well!
Ohhh!
That man.
15 men on a dead man's chest ♪
yo ho, and a bottle of rum ♪
avast, or make ready to walk the plank!
Ahoy there, Matey, you rascal.
Hey, is that what you're gonna
wear to the masquerade party?
Yes. What do you think of it?
It's great. Who are you supposed to be?
Who am I supposed to be?
Little Bo-peep.
Oh, now I know why you lost
your sheep, little Bo-peep
'cause you only got one peeper.
Oh, it's my own fault.
I had my chance when he fell overboard,
and I had to go fish him out.
I don't know what to wear to
the party. I don't have a costume.
Gilligan, you've got to make one.
Now, why don't you go
over to the supply hut?
There's a lot of junk in there, and
maybe you can pick out something.
That's a great idea.
Wait a minute, gilligan.
Since you're going over there,
why don't you take
this stuff back with you?
Ok, skipper. You know, I
might find some stuff there
to make a pirate costume.
Ohhh
Huh. It's addressed to the skipper.
Looks like an invi
Uh-oh.
Skipper!
Skipper!
Skipper!
I don't know how I could've
been so hard on the howells.
Yeah. They'd never throw a
party without inviting everyone.
Well, but, gilligan, how
could I have been so stupid?
I don't think you were stupid.
After all, I had the same idea.
Thanks a lot, gilligan. I
appreciate what you're saying.
The first thing we gotta do
is we gotta apologize
to the howells. Right.
I mean, we go over and tell
'em it was a misunderstanding
wait a minute. We can't
apologize to the howells.
Why not?
Because they're not living together.
She's over there
"Away from that man,"
and he's over in the supply
hut, "away from that woman."
Well, then in that case, uh,
I'll got tell Mr. Howell,
you go tell Mrs. Howell.
Yeah.
Gilligan, for goodness
sakes. Skipper, wait.
Skipper, let's make it real easy.
I'll go tell Mr. Howell,
and you go tell Mrs. Howell.
Alright.
Oh.
Oh, gilligan!
Come on, skipper.
I can imagine how you
must've felt, skipper,
thinking you were
excluded from our party.
Yes, Mrs. Howell, but everything's
all straightened out now.
Yeah. And as that man always said,
"all's well that ends well."
Well, but that's just it, Mrs.
Howell. Everything isn't well,
I mean, what with you and
Mr. Howell being separated.
Oh, that.
Well well, I feel terrible
about it, Mrs. Howell.
I feel like it's all my fault.
Now, now, skipper.
Actually, you did me a favor.
You showed me thurston
ho well III in his true light.
He's arrogant, bigoted, childish,
selfish, dreadful, and inconsiderate.
Come on, Mrs. Howell, he's not that bad.
Those are his good points.
Come on, now, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, to think what I gave
up to marry that man.
What'd you give up?
Well, I, uh, uh, I can't think right now,
but I must've given up something.
Mrs. Howell, I know you're all
steamed up now, but after you cool off,
you'll realize how much
you really do love Mr. Howell.
Never. He's a closed chapter in my life.
I shall pick up the threads
and seek a new life.
Tell me. Do they take
women in the foreign legion?
Well, do they?
Very nice of you to apologize, my boy.
Well, it's the least I
could do, Mr. Howell. It is?
Yeah. Now that
everything's been explained,
I guess you and Mrs. Howell
will get back together again, huh?
No. As far as I'm concerned,
I never want to hear
that woman's name again.
After what she did to
me, I feel toward her
as I'd feel toward a A Yale man.
You must be pretty mad, huh?
Mad? Never should've
married her in the first place.
You're not married, are you, gilligan?
No. And don't get any ideas, Mr. Howell.
I could never be
as good a wife as she is.
If I knew then what I know now.
But I was young and foolish.
Could I help it if I was handsome,
charming, and debonair?
Well, could I? Well, answer me. Could I?
I don't know what to say.
Just agree with me. Don't say anything.
A simple nod will do.
Gentlemen You realize
that we must share the responsibility
for the howells' separation.
I sure think we ought to
take some of the blame.
Don't you, gilligan?
Then you agree we devise
a plan to end their hostilities.
Well, I certainly think we ought to do
something. How about you, gilligan?
Gilligan, will you stop?
Oh, hello, girls.
Hi.
Hi, girls.
Do you feel alright?
Mary Ann, will you stop?
Gilligan! For goodness sakes!
Will you be quiet so we can devise a plan
to get the howells together?
Haven't you figured anything out yet?
Nothing. How about you?
The only thing we know,
it's not gonna be easy.
Let's see. The plan must be
devious, underhanded, and sly.
It sure has to be.
In other words
It needs a woman's touch.
So I was thinking,
as long as the cotillion's off, Mrs. Howell,
why don't you come to our party?
Oh, no, thank you,
ginger. I couldn't possibly.
Well, you'd have a wonderful time.
But I'm not in a party mood right now.
Will that man be there?
That man? I hope so.
Then I absolutely must refuse.
That's too bad, Mrs. Howell,
because I had the most
wonderful costume in mind for you.
You did? What's it like?
Oh, it was just perfect for your figure.
It was an oriental dancing girl.
An oriental dancing girl?
But seeing as you're not going
Oh, who says I'm not?
Then you are?
[Humming belly-dancing tune]
Honestly, you'll have a wonderful time.
It's gonna be a masquerade party.
No, Mary Ann. It would be very awkward.
I'm not in the mood for parties, and
Will that woman be there?
We're counting on it.
Ginger's over inviting her now.
In that case, definitely not.
I'll not go to a party that includes
someone that considers me a ninny.
That's what she called me.
She called me a ninny.
Do you realize I haven't
been called a ninny
since my nanny nanny
called me a ninny?
Say, I think I've written a hit tune.
You see, Teddy, for the ideal Martini,
it must be 15 parts There we are
Ha ha ha ha!
And now for the vermouth.
Hello, Mr. Howell.
Oh.
I hope I'm not intruding.
No. As a matter of fact, you
saved me from drinking alone.
Oh what's this I hear that
you're not coming to our party?
That's right. I'm accepting
no social engagements
during this rather unpleasant interlude.
Oh, you can't do that, Mr. Howell.
I was counting on your coming.
After all, you're the
best dancer on the island.
Oh, can't a man keep a secret?
Take that, Jose greco.
And that! Go, Mr. Howell!
Oh! Owww!
Ole! Oh, you've got to come, Mr. Howell,
if only for my sake.
Well, it might be awkward. It
would embarrass Mrs. Howell.
Oh, it won't embarrass her. Please?
Just one little dance?
Well
Please?
One little dance wouldn't hurt.
Oh, good. I'll be waiting
for you, Mr. Howell.
Just so you know me, uh
I'll be dressed as Marie antoinette.
Marie antoinette.
Until tonight, my queen.
Mmm, how sweet it is.
Oh. Is Mr. Howell coming, or isn't he?
Ho-hum.
Oh! He's coming.
I'm almost finished taking up
the hem on Mrs. Howell's costume.
Well, now you can let
it way down. Way down.
What? I know what I'm doing.
Hi, Mrs. Howell. Gilligan
said you wanted to see me.
Oh, ginger, I just tried on
this costume. It's way too long.
That's funny. I just tried
on mine. It's way too short.
What are we going to do?
The party's in a few hours.
There's only one thing we can
do. We'll have to swap costumes.
I'll go as the oriental dancing girl,
and you go as Marie antoinette.
Oh, it's a marvelous
idea! I feel very relieved.
I might've caught cold in this.
Oh, believe me, Mrs. Howell,
you could catch more than a cold in this.
[Music plays]
Ginger, where's Mrs. Howell?
She'll be along.
Hey, skipper, that's
some outfit you've got.
Well, I like yours, too, Julius. Ha ha ha!
Where's gilligan?
Oh, he'll be here any minute now.
[Gilligan gives Tarzan cry]
There he is now.
Ahh-eee-ahh-eee-ahh!
[Coughs]
Ahh-eee-ahh-eee-ahh!
Aah! No!
Ahh-eee-ahh!
Oh! Oh!
Little buddy! Unh!
Are you alright?
Yeah. Yeah.
Me Tarzan.
You Jane?
Not Jane.
Ohhh
Oh, gilligan! Help us get him
over on the couch, girls.
That's it. Be careful.
Does anything hurt, gilligan?
Get his feet up there. That's right.
I didn't want him to play
Tarzan. I told him, but
you didn't break any
bones? You're alright?
Oh, poor gilligan.
[Music playing]
[Indistinct conversation]
My queen!
I have come for our dance.
[Chuckles]
Oops. I'm I'm I'm terribly sorry.
I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright.
Skipper: Oh, good, gilligan.
I'm ter I can only dance
with my wife, you see.
Yes?
Pardon me a minute.
Oh, it's no use, ginger.
I may look gay and frivolous,
but beneath the little
boy suit is a broken man.
I can't go on without my dear, dear wife.
I wish I could tell her, but I just can't.
This deuced ho well pride.
So please, please forgive me.
Oh, my darling, I do forgive you.
Lovey!
Lovey, it's you!
Yes, darling, back where I belong.
No, but first First I must apologize.
Oh, no, dear, I must apologize first.
No, I insist.
Oh, no. I insist. No, I insist.
Mrs. Howell.
Mr. Howell. It's my dance.
Thurston. No, I'm sorry.
All our dances are taken.
Boy, what a mess.
Hi, skipper. That sure was some party
we had last night, huh?
Yes, it was, gilligan.
You know somethin'?
I used to hate parties until I
found out how much fun they were.
Yeah, they are fun, aren't they?
We should have a party once
a week. Certainly, we should.
How about twice a week?
Or three times a week?
Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday. I just love parties.
You love parties, huh? Yeah.
Right now, I think you ought to get
on the other end of this
broom and clean up the mess.
Me? Why me?
Well, you don't expect me to do it.
After all, I'm the skipper.
Boy I sure do hate parties.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪