Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e21 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that
day for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
How do I get these crummy jobs?
Laundry is a woman's job.
After all, a man works his way up
to be captain of his own ship,
he should get a little respect.
I take that back.
Get a whole lot of respect.
I think captain rates a salute,
not a "hey, you."
For goodness' sakes,
I always get assignments.
I should be giving them out.
If anybody on this island's
entitled to something
gilligan.
Gilligan! What are you doing?
[Grunts]
Thought I lost this.
Lost what?
My good-luck charm.
Gilligan, that's an old wives' tale.
No, it isn't. It's a rabbit's foot.
I know exactly what it is.
But anybody who'd think that
that would bring them good luck
has gotta be out of their mind.
I believe it.
I know. That's exactly what I mean.
Now get back to the laundry!
I wonder if it works when it's wet.
Gilligan, are you gonna let
me put you in the driver's seat
or are you gonna get up there?
Now, that's better. Now,
let's finish this laundry.
Hey, skipper.
It works! It works!
What works? What is it
you're talking about?
It works even better when it's wet. Look!
For goodness' sakes, that's
nothing but a man in a parachute.
Now, will you start peddling
a man in a parachute?!
Yes, captain, we're
rescued! We're rescued!
We are! We are! [Whistles]
Skipper: Down here! Over here!
[Gilligan and skipper shouting]
Oh, professor, did you find anything?
Not a sign.
I'm sure that parachutist
came down dead center.
He should be right on
this part of the island.
Skipper!
I found it! Where? Where?
Right here. Right here.
Gilligan, that's a comic book.
I know. It's my favorite one. I lost it.
You're a great help.
Come on, professor.
Let's check over here.
You know, he could have
gotten tangled in the trees.
Well, certainly he could have.
Gilligan, you go look that way.
Alone?
Well, certainly alone. Why not alone?
Because I'm at the scary part.
You see here? Fossil
face has Davey Davis,
all-American boy. See that?
Oh, never mind the comic book.
Go that way.
Professor: Skipper,
are you sure you saw
someone parachute down?
I'm positive, professor.
"Aha, fossil face, just
because you have Davey Davis
"tied to the buzz saw
and because you have
"his tried-and-true buddy
tied to the railroad tracks
does not mean that"
Oops.
Guess it does.
Ooh. Ohh
Excuse me, sir.
It's fossil face!
I give up! I give up! I give up!
I give up!
Hello.
[Robotic voice] Hello.
My name is gilligan.
My name is gilligan.
Hey, we both have the same name.
Hey, we both have the same name.
Professor! Skipper!
I found him!
Her it.
Skipper, professor, I found it! I found it!
I found it!
Alright, gilligan, for goodness' sakes,
you don't have to yell.
I know that you found it
a robot? Yeah.
Oh, for goodness' sakes,
that's just what we needed.
The tin fugitive from the wizard of oz.
Oh, professor, meet our rescuer.
Why, that's fantastic.
Huh?
Well, it's obviously
an experimental model.
The air force must be using it
for some sort of survival test.
It's a real live robot.
Gilligan, robots aren't alive.
This one is, 'cause it can talk.
Yes. And I'm sure that you two will have
very interesting conversations together.
Robots have been programmed to talk.
I know, but if I was ever seen
talking to this refugee from a junkyard,
they'd think the skipper
lost all his marbles.
The skipper lost his marbles.
Why, it must have a blank roll of tape
and an automatic replay mechanism.
You mean whatever I say to
it, the robot will repeat it back?
Yes.
Oh, great. We've got
a mechanical gilligan.
I wonder what else they made it do.
Gilligan, you've just
hit upon the key word.
They.
They sent it up, and
they'll come looking for it.
And when they do
They'll come and rescue us.
They'll rescue us, gilligan!
Oh, robot, robot, you're beautiful!
You're beautiful.
Thank you.
Come on. Let's go show the others.
Uhh. Uhh!
Uhh! Gilligan! For goodness' sake,
that thing must weigh 1,000 pounds.
Well, if it can talk, it must
be programmed to walk.
Yeah, let's try it.
Robot, follow me!
Robot, walk!
That way!
But you haven't asked it
any important questions,
like who won the world series
or the Rose bowl or anything.
Well, I asked informative questions
and I got informative answers.
Yeah.
[Imitating robot] I was launched
from hickam field, Hawaii.
Purpose: Radiation detection flight.
Destination: Vandenberg
air base, California.
Well, we also learned
that it's model xr-1000.
And what's more important,
I think I've solved the schematic problem.
Is that good?
Raise your right arm.
Ah, yes. The schematic pattern
is the key to how to activate it.
Raise your left arm.
Gilligan, the possibilities are unlimited.
And until the air force finds our friend,
we can put it to all sorts of uses.
Will it bring water from the spring?
Raise your left leg.
I believe I can program it to do all
the unpleasant tasks on the island.
Even the laundry?
Twirl your right arm.
Gilligan, this mechanical marvel
can be taught to do
everything a man can do.
And it can do it better.
Now, you sweep like this.
Back and forth,
back and forth.
Sweep.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Oh, this is going to be fun.
That's fine, that's fine.
Now sweep the other way.
Well, turn around.
Do it the other way!
Ohh!
Are you going to take all day?
Which one of these
makes you go faster?
Ohh!
Aah!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Stop!
Put that down!
Help!
Help!
Aah!
Now close the lid.
Alright, get aboard and start peddling.
You are a captain's dream.
[Sighs]
What a crew.
A crew that takes
orders without questions.
Ha ha ha.
Skipper, are you asleep?
Yes.
Well, when you wake up,
will you tell me if you've
seen my rabbit's foot?
Have you lost that again?
If I hadn't lost it, I wouldn't
have to ask you if you'd seen it
'cause I'd still have it.
Gilligan, for goodness' sake
skipper: Mr. Howell!
Mr. Howell, come back here
with that robot!
Stop!
I'm not done with him.
I've got to have him finish the laundry.
Now go back and finish the laundry!
But the robot and gilligan
are caddying for us.
Oh, no, he's not. He's
gonna do the laundry.
No, no. Mrs. Howell is
waiting at the first tee.
Well, I'm sorry Mrs. Howell's
waiting. She'll just have to
Mr. Howell: Well, I'm willing to
pay him double. I don't understand.
Aah!
[Muffled shouts]
What's that?
Well, it could be the mating call
of the red-crested hickenlooper.
It's the season, you know.
It was a call for help.
Then it's definitely not the
red-crested hickenlooper.
He's quite capable of
o-over there! Look!
Uh uh, darling, uh,
my ball is in your line.
I I I'd better Mark it.
I'm a long way away, Mr. Robot.
It will break toward the ocean,
across the grain, downhill,
right of the palm tree.
Play it three feet to the right of the hole.
With those directions, she'll
knock it right off the island.
There's a very interesting new
program coming in on the radio.
Listen to this, everybody.
Announcer: And the drone plane
which accidentally
ejected the robot xr-1000
landed at vandenberg airfield.
Since the plane was
operated by remote control,
the officials have no
way of knowing the area
where the robot was ejected.
They've announced that a search for
the robot would be neither economical
nor successful,
and therefore, no search will take place.
Oh, no.
And we thought that robot
was gonna get us rescued.
Well, he's so smart, maybe
he can figure out something.
Gilligan, for goodness'
sakes, robots don't think.
They only do what you tell them to.
That's it. If we can
figure out what to tell him,
he could rescue us.
Are you serious?
I certainly am.
How would you like
to do us a very big favor?
[Metal creaking]
I'm fixing the robot
so that our auditory impulses
will activate its memory spools.
And in that way,
the particular problem
poised will be answered.
Well, I think the simplest way to explain it
is with a demonstration.
I think we can use him now.
Oh, I'll help you get him up.
1,000 pounds?
Oh, yes, um, uh
Robot
Rise.
Now, gentlemen,
what is the most logical
way to get off the island?
The same way we got on. By boat.
Very good, little buddy.
I'm very proud of you.
Exactly.
Now, if it has the information
of any of its spools, we'll get an answer.
Can you build a boat?
Yes, I can.
And how long will it take
you to build this boat?
17 hours, 4 minutes,
11 seconds.
Wow! That means we can be aboard
early in the morning.
Right.
Alright, build us a boat, and start at once.
And that, gentlemen
[Crunch] Ohh!
Is that.
2,000 pounds.
1,000 pounds.
Whose foot is this?
Now, don't just stand there, gilligan.
Go out there and tell
the others to get packed.
Can you beat that?
The women still can't decide
what to wear on the boat.
You can't blame them, you know.
Bon voyage, first night
out, and all that sort of thing.
I'm extremely curious to see the boat.
What boat?
The boat he built.
Mr. Howell: Well, I can't see a thing.
Maybe he built us a submarine.
You did not ask for a submarine.
I don't think he built a thing.
I'm gonna speak to
the head of your union.
No more fringe benefits,
no health or welfare.
No more nuts, bolts, or machine oil.
Oh, please, Mr. Howell.
Did you build us a boat?
Yes.
Well, where is it?
In the lagoon.
Well, why can't we find it?
You are not looking in the right place.
Well, I'm sorry. It's the
only lagoon we have.
I found it! I found it!
Look at the boat he built.
Gee, isn't it neat?
It's a two-masted schooner,
and it's got two lifeboats and a binnacle.
And, look, the pin rails
oh, it's my fault.
I should have specified
the size and type of vessel.
Well, it's not too late. Perhaps
he can build us a bigger ship.
Well, it's worth a try.
Can you build us a larger boat?
I have been programmed
to build a carrier, destroyer,
or minesweeper.
Well, we might as well go first class.
Build us a carrier.
A carrier requires
412,000 tons of steel,
7,000 tons of
Reject. Never mind that last order.
Perhaps if you said "pretty please."
We're going to have to
concentrate on some other device.
It's obvious the robot can't
build a ship without steel.
Well, better break the
bad news to the girls.
Yes, yes.
You goofed, didn't you?
I am not programmed
for that information.
I wonder what next year's
models are gonna look like.
I am not
oh, shut up.
Power windows.
I think you did a swell job.
Thank you.
There must be some way
this robot can get us off this island.
If he were human, I'd
offer him more money.
Thurston, I have
the most marvelous idea.
You have a plan?
The plan, darling.
Well, what is it?
I'm not going to tell
anybody but the robot.
Well, come on. Let's not
keep the robot waiting.
Here you are, my dear.
Oh, it's for you.
There you are, my sweet.
[Knocking]
Mr. Robot, are you awake?
Darling, they don't have to sleep.
Oh, yes, of course.
Uh, Mr. Robot,
we'd like to leave the island.
That information
has already been recorded.
Darling, the idea. The idea.
Oh, yes, of course.
Uh, build us a bridge to Hawaii.
Don't be ridiculous.
A bridge to Hawaii
can be built from material
on the island.
It can? You see, dear?
It will take approximately
89 years and 4 months.
89 years?
Thurston, do you realize
how old I'll be?
Yes. You'll be a little
old to walk to Hawaii.
Oh, dear. I thought
it was such a good plan.
Eureka, I have it!
Have what?
A way to attract attention
so people can find us.
Build us a searchlight.
We can shine it on
passing planes and ships.
Impossible.
No electric power.
A a flashlight?
Impossible.
No carbon for batteries.
Candles?
Matches?
2 friendly fireflies
Rubbing their little feet together?
[Bell ringing]
Oh, ginger, I think the plan is impossible.
Why? A girl can get a man
to do all kinds of things for her.
I know. But robots aren't human.
Neither were some of
the guys I went out with.
But the professor says that
robots can't do any original thinking,
no matter how you ask them.
Well, that's what makes it a challenge.
See you later.
Hiya, tall, dark, and mechanical.
I do not understand.
Oh.
I'll make it a little clearer for you.
You see,
I've been stuck on this island
for a long, long time.
Understand?
I understand.
And, uh,
I want you to get me off.
I am not programmed for that task.
Well, uh
Gee whiz
Can't you put your mind to it?
I mean
Concentrate for ginger, can you?
Just think of what it would mean
for me to be back in Hollywood.
[Whirring]
I'll tell you what.
If you get me back to Hollywood,
I'll introduce you to the
swingingest lady robot
you ever saw.
For ginger?
Huh?
Come on.
Please?
[Warbling]
Mmm
Now you're goin'.
I think you're beginning to register.
Gilligan, that's one of the
silliest ideas I ever heard.
I thought it was pretty good myself.
And what's the robot supposed to use
to build the radio station
bamboo and coconuts?
Well, maybe he could swim to Hawaii
and buy some tubes and
wires and stuff like that.
Gilligan, if he could swim,
for goodness' sakes,
we wouldn't need a radio station.
We could program him to tell
the authorities all about us
Oh, that's the silliest
thing I ever heard. For
wait a minute. That's it!
Little buddy, that's it!
You did it again!
What'd I do? What'd I do?
Well, if we can get it to swim to Hawaii,
our worries are all over!
Yeah, if we can solve one other problem.
What's that?
Where are we going to find a bathing suit
big enough to fit him?
Yeah, a bathing suit big bathing suit!
Try this, robot.
Oh, it's no use, gilligan.
Its arms and legs just
won't work that way.
Well, how about the
butterfly stroke, like that?
The arms won't move over the head.
Oh.
How about the sidestroke,
you know, like that?
Oops. What's the matter?
I just dropped my rabbit's
foot out of my pocket.
I thought I taught you
not to pay any attention
to those superstitions.
But it brings me luck.
Luck, gilligan, is all in the mind.
Professor, with my mind, I
need all the luck I can get.
How's it going?
Oh, not very well, skipper.
The robot just isn't built for swimming.
Have you tried teaching him
the Australian crawl?
What do you mean, crawl?
He has to swim to Hawaii.
Very funny, gilligan.
Oh, we've tried the
backstroke, the breaststroke,
the sidestroke,
everything. And it's no use.
His arms and legs simply
don't have the mobility of a man.
Well, neither does a dog,
and they can swim.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
The dog paddle. That's it.
I mean, it's a little slow,
but I think his arms and
legs can make those motions.
I'll try it, huh?
Don't just stand there,
get on there and show him
how to dog paddle.
Watch me, robot.
Robot, like this.
Hey, he's doing it.
Yeah.
Look at that. Isn't that marvelous?
That'll get him there!
I'm still half asleep.
I know it's early, but in case this fails,
I don't want the others
to be disappointed.
How can they be disappointed?
They don't know what we're doing.
Don't bother to explain, professor.
Alright, here goes for a trial run.
Now, swim.
Go out 20 yards and return.
Swim, robot, swim!
Swim out, boy! Keep swimming!
Keep swimming! There you go!
He sunk.
He didn't swim a stroke.
Well, it's his weight.
He can't generate enough speed
to displace enough water
to keep himself afloat.
Maybe he's too heavy.
Of all the silly ideas
swimming to Hawaii.
Robot
Stop.
Well, at least it proves he's watertight.
Let's try that message we gave him,
see if it works. Right.
[Flicks switch]
Watertight?
I have been on a deserted island
with 7 castaways
of the minnow.
They are alive and well and
perfect! Now all we have to do
is get him to swim to Hawaii.
Well, back to the drawing
board, as they say.
I don't say that.
He doesn't mean you, gilligan.
There's just no way to get him to swim.
Right. The way he was going,
he could have walked to Hawaii.
Walked?
Walked?
Well I
Now, I know this is
an outlandish scheme,
but it seems to be our only hope.
Well, the whole idea is preposterous.
Well, figuring the pressure
of the water at its deepest,
the normal speed of the robot,
and the distance to Hawaii,
I figure it should take him
roughly 111 hours.
Underwater?
Why, he could walk right by Hawaii
without ever seeing it.
Mrs. Howell, it doesn't have to see.
It will stay on the direction
it's been programmed to follow.
Well, what about the valleys
and the mountains underwater?
Well, it has sonar to
avoid undersea obstacles
and an automatic pilot
to get it back on course.
What about sharks and
other scary things down there?
It has no human emotions, gilligan,
so it can't be frightened.
Here, by golly, sounds like
our answer to Lloyd Bridges.
However, I must remind you
that it could run into an underwater mine
and blow up or get
tangled up in a fishing net.
So it's far from certain
that we'll reach Hawaii.
But he's not going anywhere
if we don't get him started.
Right. Robot, walk.
[Everyone singing aloha oe]
[Everyone talking at once]
Wait a minute! Quiet!
The announcement! Quiet!
Announcer: And now they're
activating the robot's receptor spools
to see if they can find out
how it got to Hawaii.
The next voice you hear
will be that of the robot.
Robot: I have been on a deserted island.
The putt breaks to the right.
It was a lucky shot.
Sweep back and forth.
Back and forth.
I was stranded.
This is the way we wash our clothes.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
the scientists from the laboratory
are checking to see
exactly what went wrong.
Perhaps now we can learn the reason
the recorded messages
are all scrambled.
A what?!
Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not,
a rabbit's foot
was just found in the robot.
It demagnetized
the entire receptor spools.
There is now no chance to find out
where the robot has been,
who reprogrammed it,
or how it got to Hawaii.
Or for that matter, how the rabbit's foot
got in there in the first place.
Everyone: Gilligan!
I just thought it might bring
us some luck, you know?
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪