Happy Days (1974) s02e22 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Hey, you know, it's not every day the girls' hockey team
accepts a challenge for touch football.
I know. Do you think we'll do all right?
Now, men, listen.
It's not if you win or lose,
it's how you touch that counts.
Oh, Ralph Here, hold my books, will you?
Go on out for a pass, Rich. Right.
Come on, deep. Hustle!
Okay.
Here it comes!
Oh.
Good catch, Fonz.
Yeah, it's a lucky thing he didn't dent my chrome.
Listen, there's a little favor I want to ask you, huh?
Listen, I'll see you guys down at the field, all right?
Take your time.
I'll handle your share of the tackles.
See you later, Rich.
So what's up, Fonz?
I'm going down to Rockford.
The demolition derby championships.
Oh, that's great. Are you entering?
Nah.
I represent Happy's Garage.
But I do get to drive the lead car right into a brick wall.
Wow.
Yeah. So, listen, I'm gonna be gone for about a week, huh.
I want you to take care of something while I'm away.
What is it, your bike, your apartment?
Hey, will you settle down?
I want you to keep tabs on that for me.
You want me to watch your girl for you?
That's right. There are a lot of hungry guys around.
I got to find somebody I trust, to keep an eye on her.
Fonzie, it's so sweet of you to pick me up like this.
I'm really gonna miss you when
you're away at demolition derby.
Yeah, but just think about that great reunion scene
we can have when I get back.
You're gonna do this for me, right, Rich?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, Fonz.
Cunningham, you're aces.
Oh
Wow! You're watching Fonzie's girl?!
Yeah. She doesn't need watching.
Who would mess with Fonzie's girl?
Could we order now, Wendy? I'm starved.
You guys better not mess around with Fonzie's girl.
That's dangerous.
I'm just keeping an eye on her for a week.
Fonzie asked me to.
Okay, that's settled.
Let's order. I want a double cheese
You're watching Fonzie's girlfriend for a week?
Oh, that's so nice of you, Richie.
Yeah, listen, why don't you send a soda
over to Denise from me, will you?
Sure.
I'll make it a double and bill you for a single.
You're such a nice guy.
I'll have a double cheeseburger,
an order of fries and a chocolate malt!
She didn't take my order.
She never listens to me.
Nobody listens to me.
Oh, I wore my new perfume for my date with Vinny Malovich,
and he went wild.
He even blew in my ear.
So what?
A lot of guys blow in my ear.
Yeah, but this was while he was meeting my parents.
What's this?
It's from Richie.
Hey, Fonzie's been gone for less than an hour,
and his friend tries to bird-dog him.
Fonzie just asked Richie to watch Denise while he's gone.
That Richie's such a nice guy.
I'll bet Richie's a nice guy.
That's why Fonzie got him to guard you.
Fonzie acts like he owns me.
We've only been dating two weeks.
The more I think about it, the madder I get.
I wonder just how trustworthy Richie is.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
I see you got the soda.
Thanks, Richie, that was really sweet of you.
Listen, since Fonzie's gone,
I'm gonna have an awful lot of free time.
Well, hey, why don't we go to a movie?
Just-just to kill some time.
Well, I've seen everything.
Besides, I had a little quieter evening in mind.
Like maybe at your house watching TV.
Well, sure, I was gonna stay home
and watch some television tonight.
Great. I'll be over about 7:00.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Denise, what are you gonna do?
I'm just gonna fool around a little.
You know, Joanie, we got another collection notice
from that stamp company today.
They say you owe them $38.
Well, if they're dumb enough to send stamps
to a 12-year-old kid, they deserve to be taken.
Joanie
Oh, all right, I'll send them back.
But this is gonna leave a lot of holes in my album.
You going out tonight, Rich?
No-no, a girl's just coming over here.
Oh, that does it.
We'll have to leave the room
so Richie and his date can play kissy-kissy.
Are you looking for trouble?
Okay, gang, that's enough.
When your date comes, Richard, we'll leave,
so you can play kissy-kissy.
Oh, no, you don't have to.
This is not really a date.
And we're not gonna neck.
Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it.
No, I'll get it. I'll get it.
Oh, hi, come on in.
Mom, Dad, this is Denise Hudson.
Hello, Denise. Hello, Denise.
Hello.
Well, would you like to sit down?
Gee, you smell nice.
Do you like it?
It's called "Moonlight Surrender."
Find out where she bought that.
Well
let's see what we're gonna watch tonight.
Hey, My Little Margie looks good.
"Margie embarrasses Freddie
by getting stuck in a tuba at the country club dance."
Oh, that's silly, Howard.
Hey, The Loretta Young Theater looks pretty good.
"Forest Tucker stars as a young Army sergeant
"who falls in love with a nun.
The nun is played by Miss Young."
Sounds so romantic.
How about My Little Margie?
How about if we go for a drive?
Dear, let me see you in the kitchen.
What for?
Well, you look hungry.
I'll fix you a snack.
Hungry? Marion, we just ate
But, Marion, I'm not hungry.
Of course not, dear.
Well, then what are we doing in here?
You saw that girl.
And you smelled that perfume.
She is not just a casual friend, Howard.
I don't think Richie wants us hanging around.
So you want us to hide in the kitchen?
Okay, I'll take the ice box.
Oh, we don't have to hide.
We got to do something.
You want to make cookies?
Well, dear, you don't just make cookies.
What, do you think they come in a roll
and you just cut them off and put them in the oven?
Now, listen, Marion, if I miss My Little Margie
because of this dumb conversation
Can't you see they want to be alone?
We can't invade their privacy.
Their priv?!
Their privacy?
This is my house.
Now, what are we gonna do in here?
Howard, be thoughtful.
Don't you remember how it was when we were young?
You want to play kissy-kissy?
Joanie, wouldn't you rather watch television?
No, this is fine.
Joanie, why don't you go in the kitchen with your folks?
Yeah, why don't you go in there and see what they're doing?
Maybe they'd like to watch television.
Richie's gonna neck, Richie's gonna neck.
Boy, you guys are really m Wow!
What's going on out there?
The same thing that's going on in here.
Shh!
We better get out there and break it up. Come on.
Well, wait, wait a minute.
We're supposed to be getting a snack.
Animal crackers, Marion?
Well, Howard, if they're necking, they will never notice.
Uh, would you like some cookies?
I just made them.
I never knew anybody who baked animal crackers before.
Well, Richie's mom is one in a million.
Well, we were just leaving.
Uh, Richie wants to take a ride in my car.
A ride?
Well, I I guess if you really want to go. Bye.
Marion, when that Richie makes up his mind,
he is a tower of steel.
Wouldn't you rather go to Arnold's or someplace?
I like it here.
I just thought this would be a nice place to, uh, to talk.
Oh, I guess that'd be all right.
You know
I'm not sure that Fonzie would appreciate
my being up here with you.
Fonzie isn't here.
I know, he's at the demolition
derby, probably thinking of you.
Demolition derbies can be very lonely.
They can?
Sure.
How would you like to drive into a blank wall alone?
Would you mind locking my door for me?
I'd feel safer.
It's a convertible.
I'd still feel safer.
Oh, that's better.
Denise
I'm not that kind of a guy.
You're not?
Well, I-I mean, uh
Fonzie is my friend, and you're his girl.
You don't think I'm trying to make out with you, do you?
Oh, no, no, no, I-I don't think that.
Yes, I do.
You don't have anything to worry about.
You're safe with me.
I mean, just because I'm wearing sexy perfume
You do smell nice.
And just because I wore a sexy dress
You look terrific.
And just because I brought you up to a sexy spot
doesn't mean I'm trying to make out with you.
I can't do it.
You're Fonzie's girl.
Fonzie isn't here.
I keep forgetting that.
I'm not gonna respect myself for this.
What do you want, respect or lips?
Lips.
Ba-Ba-Ba-Baby, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
How can you stand being with a chick like Denise
five days in a row and not do anything?
Well, it-it isn't easy.
You must have great willpower.
Yeah, I guess that's it.
Hi, Ralphie.
Hi, Joyce.
Joyce, have you seen Denise around?
Oh, didn't you hear, Rich?
She's home sick. She found out last night
she has mononucleosis.
Mono? Th-That's the kissing disease.
And it's contagious, right?
So what? You have to kiss her to catch it.
And only a lame brain would do something
stupid like kiss Fonzie's girl, right?
Yeah. Oh, right.
Tweet, tweet, tweedly-dee-dee ♪
So, anyway, that's the way it started.
Now it's snowballed and I've been up
to Inspiration Point every night this week with Denise.
I don't believe it.
You're in big trouble, Rich.
Have you been feeling sick? You could have mono.
Well, I've been feeling a little tired.
That's a classic mono symptom.
Let me down.
No, no. I-I don't have mono.
Is your throat scratchy?
Well, yeah, a little.
That's it, he's got it.
Are your glands swollen?
Well, I don't go around feeling my glands.
That's another symptom: Irritability.
Could be swollen.
Why didn't I use rubber gloves?
Look, I don't have mono.
I believe you. Yeah.
Where can I wash my hands?
At your house.
You know something?
If you do have it, it's really fantastic.
What's so fantastic?
Are you kidding? Think of the status.
Everyone's going to know that Rich
made out with the Fonz's chick.
Including the Fonz. True.
Okay. Okay, then it's a double status.
He made out with Fonzie's girl,
now Fonzie's gonna stomp him.
Fonzie only beats up the best.
Yeah.
Look, I'm not gonna get beat up
'cause nobody's gonna find out I made out with Denise
because I don't have mono.
You better make sure.
Go down to the clinic and get a blood test.
And be careful.
It's very contagious.
Yeah, until you find out for sure, Rich,
try not to breathe on anybody.
I don't have mono.
I just have all the symptoms.
Rich, would you lend me a hand?
Here, take this pliers and hold it there
around that bolt so I can tighten this screw.
Are you holding your breath?
Uh-huh.
Well, you do it very well.
Richie? Taste this to see if I have
enough sugar in it.
From the spoon?
No, from my ear.
Of course from the spoon.
No, I never drink lemonade from a spoon,
only from a glass.
Boy, I've heard of kooks
Richard, are you all right?
Sure, just because a guy likes to drink from a glass,
it doesn't mean he has anything.
It's fine.
Oh, Dad, that's my glass!
What are you talking about?
Well, look, it
it has a red flower on it. So?
It's my favorite glass. Since when?
The one with the red flower on it
has always been my favorite.
That's crazy!
I once had a favorite glass.
It had a picture of Valentino on it.
Richard, what's wrong with you today?
Nothing.
I just believe that a person is entitled
to have his favorite glass if he wants it, that's all.
I'm going up to my room now
and I'd like to take my glass with me.
Thank you.
What was that all about?
Well, Howard, a person is entitled
to have their favorite glass.
I don't know what that was all about.
Oh.
Richard, I want to talk to you.
In a minute, Dad. I'm cleaning my glass.
Cleaning his glass?
It's clean.
It certainly looks clean.
I'll bet that's the cleanest glass
in the whole house.
What's the matter with you?
What makes you think there's anything wrong?
Oh, now look, Richard, I've seen enough
of Father Knows Best to know when something
is bothering my son.
All right. I think I have mono.
Mononucleosis?
There are eight million diseases in the Naked City.
How come you happened to pick that one?
I-I feel kind of tired,
and I, I have sort of a sore throat.
Well, that could apply to almost anything.
And mono is the kissing disease
and it's contagious, and I know somebody
who has it.
And you were kissing her.
Hmm?
Okay, get into bed. I'll call the doctor.
Oh, you don't have to do that, Dad.
I already went down to the clinic
and got a blood test. What did they say?
Well, they won't know the results until Monday.
Well, at least that explains why
you've been treating us all like a bunch of lepers.
Hey, who's the girl?
Denise Hudson.
The one with the terrific perfume?
Oh, you've got good taste.
Except she's Fonzie's girl
and I was supposed to be keeping the other guys
away from her while he's gone.
Good taste and bad judgment.
I don't know how it happened, Dad.
I I tried to resist her.
Well, these things just happen, Richie.
I mean, we're all just human, you know.
Fonzie's girl He'll be back tomorrow.
You think I should tell him?
I'd tell him.
Rich, remember the dollar I loaned you last week?
Yeah, Ralph.
Could you pay it back before Fonzie gets here?
No river's too wide ♪
Hey.
No mountain's too high ♪
Hi, Fonz. Hey, Fonz.
Fonz. Look at all these long faces around here.
The Fonz leaves for a week, what happens?
The place turns into a morgue.
I wish he wouldn't have said that.
Now I have to get things poppin' around here, huh?
Yeah, Fonz. Yeah.
What's that, Fonz?
This is an exhaust extension.
It's the only thing left from the winning car.
Fonz? Yeah?
Fonzie, listen
I have to talk to you about something privately.
It's about Denise.
Denise?
Well, let's, uh, go into my office
where we can talk in private, huh?
If you ever need me, just call my name ♪
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ain't nothin' sacred?
All right.
Okay, what's this about Denise?
Well, I-I have something to tell you,
and it's kind of shocking.
Don't tell me somebody cut in on me?
Yeah, somebody cut in on you.
What's his name, huh?
His cutting days are over.
He's had enough! He didn't mean to steal your girl.
Excuse me.
Oh, don't tell me
that it's you, Cunningham.
It's me, Fonz.
I wish you hadn't said that.
Hey, we don't need an audience.
I didn't come in here to watch.
Honest. I have to, uh Out.
But
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, this is terrible.
I don't want to hurt you, Rich.
I wish I could let you go, but it's the rules
of the game, huh?
All right, now where do you want it?
In the jaw or in the gut?
Why don't you just decide, Fonz?
All right, in the jaw you don't smile for a week.
In the gut, it don't show, but it hurts a lot.
You make the decision.
Fonz, look what you wrote.
What?
Look.
"There once was a girl from New Jersey"
No, no, below that.
Oh. "Steady chicks are here today,
but steady friends are here to stay."
Yeah. That's right. I wrote that.
So what? Big deal.
Well, I always think of us
as steady friends, don't you, Fonz?
Hey, why don't you go down to the gas station?
It's two blocks away. Out.
I'd like to let you off, but
Uh wait a minute!
When did you kiss Denise?
Well, I think the first time was Tuesday.
Tuesday, let me think for a minute.
Let me think for a minute.
Hey, let me tell you.
There was this starter girl there.
Could she wave a wild checkered flag.
All right, now, I took her out on Monday night.
And that means that Denise was free a whole day
before you made out with her.
She was? Yeah. A whole day.
Now, I think we've got a loophole here.
I mean, she was up for grabs.
So, you're not going to hit me?
Course I'm not going to hit you.
A loophole's a loophole.
That's great! Yeah, that's great for you,
but wait a minute, what about my rep?
I mean, what are they gonna think
if I let you off the hook?
They're going to think you're one heck of a nice guy, Fonz.
Whoopie! The gas station's
closed, Fonz. Go. Go, go.
Thank you. Hey, let me take a look at that.
Cunningham? My eye.
You all right? Here.
Oh, wow! You're gonna have one beauty tomorrow.
Take a look at that.
Oh, it's great. That's just what I need.
No, don't touch it. It's exactly what you need.
All right, it's gonna work out just fine.
Now you follow me, my friend.
Get back.
What happened? What happened?
I got hit by the door.
The door?
Yeah. Sure, Rich.
Oh You beast!
Oh, you poor boy.
Wow!
Hit me here, Fonz. One rap.
Come on, Fonz, put 'em up.
Put 'em up, Fonz. One time in the eye.
Come on. Hit me, come on.
Oh, please?
I don't waste my punches on nerds.
Oh, come on, Fonz. I'm John I.
I'm tough. I'm really tough.
Come on, put 'em up. Hey.
One time. Jab, jab.
Come on
Come on, Rich.
Just a minute, Dad.
Well, since the clinic says he doesn't have mono,
he hasn't been off the phone.
Whose deal is it? Mine.
Take your time, Rich. It's your sister's deal.
Be considerate. She has small hands.
Yeah. I'll bet Maverick had a tough time
when he was a kid.
One, one, one, one.
I wonder if you can play Canasta with one deck?
Two Well That was Fonzie.
He found out he doesn't have mono either.
Oh, that's good to hear.
Yeah, if he'd caught it,
we could've had an epidemic on our hands.
Come on, guys.
Oh, now I've lost my place.
Oh, here.
Just put these right on the bottom.
Nobody saw them. Start again.
This day is ours One, one
Won't you be mine? Oh, happy days ALL: One, one.
This day is ours Two, two
These are such happy days. ♪
Hello, sunshine, good-bye, rain ♪
She's wearing my school ring on her chain ♪
She's my steady, I'm her man ♪
I'm gonna love her all I can ♪
This day is ours ♪
Won't you be mine? ♪
Oh, Happy Days ♪
This day is ours ♪
Oh, please be mine ♪
Oh, Happy Days ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪