The Brady Bunch (1969) s02e22 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way we all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
The Brady Bunch.
Hey!
Did it curve?
Yeah, it sure did.
That's my fast ball.
I'm some pitcher
my fast ball curves,
and my curve ball's fast.
You just need practice.
Let's go to the park.
I told the guys I'd meet them over there.
Don't bother, Greg.
There's not going to be
any more baseball in the park.
Or volleyball or anything.
What are you talking about?
We can't use Woodland Park anymore.
You're kidding.
They're going to put
up some dumb building.
Where will we play?
Search me. But what
can we do about it?
I know one thing I can do
have a man-to-man talk
with Mr. Duncan, the park director.
Let's make that a girl-to-man talk, too.
Hi, kids.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.
You look as if they'd
declared recess illegal.
What's the matter?
We're in mourning for Woodland Park.
Yeah, they're closing it down.
Closing Woodland Park? What for?
So they can build a dumb
old building on it.
The city owns that park.
Who'd put a building on city property?
The city.
Who told you that?
Mr. Duncan, the park director.
After all the trouble we've gone to
helping keep our park clean.
And hauling junk to the dump.
Isn't there something we can do, Mom?
What can we do?
We can do what it's
every citizen's right to do.
We can protest, and I'll
bring it up at my women's club.
That's a great idea.
Well, we can sure give it a try.
Mike, they just can't close that park.
Parks are becoming almost
as extinct as as buffaloes.
You're so right.
I haven't seen a buffalo
in the neighborhood in months.
Mike, be serious.
I'm with you all the way.
That park is something
your club should fight for.
I think city hall will listen to us.
After all, who was it
that organized Operation Clean Sweep
for the city council?
The women's club.
And who was it that got work groups
to clean up the park
when the maintenance budget was cut?
The women's club.
Who donated time to haul things
from the park to the dump?
The women's club.
No. You.
Well, the women's club
is going to show them
that you can fight city hall.
Well, I mean, this is one park
that isn't going to be extinct.
That's the spirit, honey.
Mike? Do you really
think a bunch of women
can save the park?
Honey, a stirred-up bunch of
women can save almost anything.
Except maybe money.
Good night, Dad.
Oh, good night, fellas.
Listen, as long as you're awake,
I want to remind you
your mom is going
to need help tomorrow.
You and your sisters can do your share
to save Woodland Park, okay?
We will, Dad.
We'll do anything to save it.
Yeah, anything.
Then come straight home
from school and deliver
your mom's petitions door to door.
Tomorrow?
Oh, I've got ball practice.
I'm supposed to be at Gordy's house.
My Cub pack's going to the zoo.
You want the park, but somebody
else should do the work.
Is that it?
Listen, if that park is worth having,
it's worth fighting for.
If you're going to use it,
you have to help do the fighting.
Don't leave it to somebody else.
You're right, Dad.
We get the message.
We'll come straight home.
Yeah, who needs a zoo?
You seen one monkey,
you've seen them all.
( Imitating monkey )
Good night, boys.
Gloria, if you can't notify
the members yourself,
get the vice-chairman to call.
And don't ask her to. Tell her to.
When did I get to be vice-chairman?
Thanks a lot for appointing me, Gloria.
No. No, I don't mind at all.
I've got the children helping me.
I was about to issue an
all-points bulletin on you.
All points is right.
I must have walked a hundred miles
getting these petitions signed.
Is Mom home?
No, she's still
at the woman's club emergency meeting.
Alice, what's this?
Leftovers.
Leftover what?
Beats me. It's been left
over so long, I forgot.
Hi.
Hi, Mom.
How'd your meeting go?
Grand, just grand.
The women voted unanimously
to fight city hall.
Then why so gloomy?
Because they elected me head
of the "Save Woodland Park" committee.
You realize how much work that means?
If you didn't want the job,
you shouldn't have
accepted the nomination.
No way. Why?
Well, because I got so carried away
by a speech that I made
I volunteered.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Alice.
You wanted to see me, Mr. Phillips?
I certainly did, Mike.
You shoot darts?
Well, I'm no expert.
Great for creative thinking.
I get some of my best
ideas shooting darts.
Try one.
I'm not very good at it.
Oh, go ahead. Try it anyway.
Ha!
Oh, it's just beginner's luck.
But I'm sure you didn't call me in here
to throw darts. What's up?
Mike, you've always gone
all-out for this company.
I mean, Saturdays,
weekends sometimes.
Well, when emergencies come up.
Well, never mind the modesty.
So I'm going to show my appreciation
on our new contract.
I'm going to put you in charge.
Thanks, Mr. Phillips.
What's the project?
Our firm finally broke
the barrier with the city.
We landed our first municipal contract.
Oh, that's great.
Mm-hmm. We're going to design
the new courthouse
in the Woodland Park area.
The Woodland Park area?
The Woodland Park?
How many Woodland Parks are there?
Mmm. Not enough.
Mike, you don't seem
too happy about this.
"Happy" isn't the word, Mr. Phillips.
Speechless is what I am.
Mike, you're kidding.
Your firm is tearing down the park?
Well, Carol, it's not exactly my firm.
You work for it.
You're a park-wrecker.
We don't wreck. We design and build.
Yeah, concrete jungles.
I feel as badly about it as you do,
but I had nothing to do with it.
I'm an employee.
You can understand that, can't you?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's more like it.
I hope the kids understand that, too.
Benedict Arnold?
Who's he?
He was a traitor.
Dad's no traitor.
I still don't get it.
This is the last time
I'm going to explain it.
Dad's an architect.
The city hired the company he works for
to build a new courthouse.
They're going to build
it where the park is.
You got it?
Yeah. Got it.
I don't see why Dad can't tell his boss
to turn the job down.
Boy, you sure don't know anything
about big business.
Yeah, you don't know nothing.
I sure would like to know
Dad's side of this.
Mom told Alice
that, if we don't fight city hall now,
we'll all be living in concrete jungles.
What does that mean?
No more parks.
No more green grass,
no more flowers and no more trees.
Where'll they put all the squirrels?
Now, let's get this straight
once and for all.
Mr. Phillips employs me, see.
He doesn't employ my family.
What you do as private citizens
is strictly your own business.
Then we can keep up the fight?
And go ahead and do our own thing?
Absolutely, and your father
has to do his own thing.
MIKE: Yours is stopping that
courthouse from getting built
in Woodland Park.
My own thing business as usual.
Well, my own thing is getting
everybody to the dinner table.
We're having chicken, and its
own thing is getting fricasseed.
( Horn honking )
Well, Alice, how do I look?
Beautiful.
Just turn on your charm, Mrs. Brady.
You're going to take city hall
without firing a shot.
Oh, don't worry, Alice.
I'll really pour it on.
Good luck.
I'm afraid to ask what happened.
Well, Alice, they served us weak coffee
and stale doughnuts,
and then they threw us to the lions.
With a smile, of course.
Oh, of course.
You can't be a politician nowadays
without a Permapress smile.
What now?
Well, the handwriting's on the wall, Alice.
When everything's against you,
and all hope is gone,
there's only one thing left to do.
What?
Really get in there and fight!
Can you use some more
sandwiches, Mrs. Brady?
Oh, thanks, Alice.
Hey, girls, just dig in, okay?
( Phone ringing )
Save Woodland Park. It's for the birds.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Burns. Okay.
Right away. Mm-hmm.
Uh, Peter! Peter, precinct three
needs more petitions
and more handbills, okay?
Okay. Mom, I thought of a new slogan.
"Mother nature's alive and
living in Woodland Park."
Peter, that's great.
Look, Mom, Mr. Clifton agreed to run off
as many of these bumper
stickers as we need, free.
Hey, we'll put them on
every bumper in this town.
Including the mayor's.
Hey, Mom, we made a new sign.
How do you like it?
Oh, I think it's beautiful.
S.O.P.? What's that mean?
Save our Park S.O.P.
Sure, silly.
( Telephone ringing )
Save Woodland Park.
Hey, Rhonda, that's great.
You bet. We'll be there in full strength.
Hey, girls, we got our first
press conference set,
and guess what. It's going to be held
smack dab on the front steps of city hall.
( Kids cheering )
Mike.
Yes, Mr. Phillips?
I just came from city hall.
It's virtually under siege.
Sie uh, siege?
There's a whole mass of people
milling around, holding
a press conference,
and they're saying some
pretty nasty things
about leveling parks
and building courthouses.
Mr. Phillips, that's democracy at work.
It's free speech.
Seven of them are named Brady.
Well, look, Mr. Phillips.
Woodland Park is right near our home.
Mike, your family is jeopardizing
our contract with the city,
and that contract is
awfully important to this firm.
Woodland Park is very
important to my family.
Mike, let me put it this way.
What's important to you?
Your job, for instance?
I mean, how am I going
to explain your position
to my board of directors?
Meaning what, Mr. Phillips?
Meaning, do something
about your family!
Please!
CAROL: Oh, hi, honey.
Hello, sweetheart.
What's wrong?
( Groaning )
I don't like ultimatums,
no matter how nicely they're put.
Ultimatums? What about?
CINDY: We had a press conference!
Yeah, I know.
Dad, how do you like my sign?
Just fine, Peter.
What's wrong with Dad?
Is he sick?
Well, your father's got
something on his mind, and
Alice has got dinner on the stove,
so let's wash up.
Anything I can do, Alice?
Not a thing, Mrs. Brady.
Mmm! That should help.
Help what?
Mr. Brady's disposition.
He's pretty upset about
something at the office.
There's nothing like food
to take your mind off your troubles.
If your trouble isn't heartburn, that is.
( Phone rings )
I'll get it, Alice.
Hello.
Mrs. Brady? This is Harry Phillips.
Hello. I'll get Mike for you.
No, wait a minute.
It's you I want to talk to.
( Chuckling ): I guess
Mike's told you all about it.
All about it?
I want to give you my side of it.
I regret the stand I had to take
with Mike, but
( sighing ): I have a business to run.
I know you'll do
the right thing, Mrs. Brady,
so you just stop bothering city
hall with your women's club,
and we'll forget what
I said about Mike's job.
Oh, I see.
Well, thank you for calling, Mr. Phillips.
So that's what's bothering Mike:
Woodland Park or his job.
How goes it, honey?
Oh, just fine, sweetheart.
Mike, I've been thinking
( sighing )
It seems so futile to fight city hall
and, well, I think I'm going to give it up.
Give it up?
Hey, that doesn't sound
like the Joan of Arc
of Woodland Park I know.
Why the sudden switch?
Well, it's just such a big deal, you know?
They're a bunch of tough,
battle-scarred politicians
and we're just a bunch of naive rookies.
( Chuckling )
Yeah, well, I'll take
a beautiful blond rookie
over a tough old politician any day.
( Knocking )
Uh, Dad?
Will you cool it
till I'm through smoochin'
with my blond rookie here?
Dad
What is it, son?
Well, us kids have been thinking,
and we decided that Woodland Park
just isn't worth fighting for.
What?
We can find another place to play.
Besides, it's too much work
keeping the park clean.
Okay, you two, what gives?
Gives?
Yeah. It doesn't take a Jack Frost
to recognize a snow job.
Come on, come on, come on.
Well, I overheard Mom
talking to your boss.
Mr. Phillips called.
He called you?
Well, he wanted to explain things.
Now, wait a minute, wait
a minute. Well, you know,
I know, from his point of view.
But let's remember my point of view.
Now, look, we made a deal.
You do your thing, I do mine.
Nothing's changed.
Woodland Park was worth fighting for
it's worth fighting for now!
You want to fight city hall
or do you want to fight me?
City hall! And we better hit the pavement
with those petitions again!
( Door closes )
Mike
Hmm?
What if you lose your job?
( Chuckles )
Well, honey, the only
thing we have to fear
is the unemployment office.
I love you Mmm
Marcia, you take that house over there.
We'll try here, okay?
Okay. Be right back.
Can we do this one ourselves, Alice?
Oh, okay. I'll wait right here.
( Doorbell rings )
What do you want?
Will you please sign
a petition, mister?
To save Woodland Park.
Save it from what?
They want to put up
a crummy old building.
And it's the only park left
where us kids can play.
BOBBY: Mom says it
belongs to the people.
You radicals sure start young.
What's a radical?
I guess it's somebody
who likes to play in parks.
He wouldn't sign, Alice.
Yeah, I heard.
Here. Let me have a try.
You two go and join Marcia, okay?
( Doorbell rings )
Yeah?
Hi, there.
Is-is the lady of the house at home?
Well, there ain't no lady of the house.
You mean a big, strong,
handsome man like you
isn't married?
Well, maybe it's that
I just ain't met Mrs. Right yet.
( Forced laugh )
Well, if you were married
If you had kids
I can tell that you're the kind of sensitive
intelligent guy that would want them
to have a safe place to play, right?
You sure got me pegged, sister.
Say, uh
( clears throat )
I don't see no ring on that finger, either.
( Sheepishly ): No
they just call me "Alice Available."
( Both laughing )
Would you sign a petition to
to save a park for kids?
Why, sure
Say, uh what are you
doing tonight, cutie?
Well, I just thought I'd play it by ear.
Well, what do you say, uh,
we get together
you know, find some
real romantic spot, like, uh
my place?
Get it?
Do I ever.
Zip code.
Look, why don't you get
a couple of big juicy steaks
a bottle of champagne
a couple of candles for the table.
( Giggling )
Got the picture?
I got it!
And my boyfriend and I
will be over to eat it.
Right!
Oh
( whistles ): Hold it!
We'll be late, Alice!
We're on picket duty from
4:00 to 5:00 on city hall.
Well, your mother called
from the combat zone.
There's been a change in strategy.
What kind of change?
You're on park duty.
Your brothers and sisters are
over there right now cleaning it up.
What's the use of keeping
it clean if we might lose it?
That's the wrong attitude.
You got to stay confident.
And remember what John Paul
Jones always said
when things looked bad?
What?
Well, I don't remember exactly,
but, uh, it worked every time.
I remember what he said: Hmm?
"I have not yet begun to fight!"
Right. That's it, and that's the spirit.
Okay, kids, let's go. Hup,
two, three, four. Hup
( groaning )
Oh, that's a couple of picket-weary dogs
you got there, Mrs. Brady.
Oh, Alice, I bet if I put
them in water, they'd steam.
Are the kids over at the park?
Yeah. They're cleaning it up.
I hope we're doing the right thing, Alice.
I know what you mean, Mrs. Brady,
but that's the way Mr. Brady wants it.
Exactly the way.
Oh, hi, dear. Didn't hear you come in.
I'll see about dinner.
Well how's my little wife, the picket?
Worried. How did it go today?
Oh, fine, just fine.
Well, didn't Mr. Phillips say anything?
No, not a word. Not a single word.
Wonderful!
He was out all day.
Oh, Mike
Well, maybe he'll change his mind.
Why? He thinks he's right.
Well, I think he's wrong.
We cleaned up the park.
Dad, will you
drive us over to the dump
so we can unload the stuff we collected?
It's outside in bags.
Okay. Give me a minute
to change me duds.
Daddy, can I go with you?
I love dumps.
They're nice and messy.
CAROL: Hi, kids, hi, honey.
Perfect timing.
Dinner's almost ready,
so hurry up and wash up.
Hi, honey. Hi, dear.
Listen, I got more important things
to do right now than eat, okay?
What's up?
I think I got the answer to
the Woodland Park problem.
Oh, honey, that's wonderful!
Yeah, yeah. I'll be in my den.
Well, what about dinner?
Keep it warm. I'll have it for breakfast.
The city dump property
is a perfect site for the
courthouse, Mr. Phillips.
With this new freeway section open
it has easier access than Woodland Park
and better parking facilities.
And you say the costs are lower?
Oh, considerably.
Woodland Park
has terrific drainage problems
and storm drains don't come cheap.
Oh, hardly.
Well, what do you think?
Mike, I think you've
got a splendid idea here.
I'll submit it to city hall immediately.
Think they'll buy it?
They'd be crazy not to.
It's a bargain.
And who doesn't look for a bargain?
Except my wife.
No! That'd be no problem at all.
Oh, I'll get on it right away.
Great, Mr. Phillips.
Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.
They bought it the whole idea!
( Kids screaming )
What happened?
Alice, we won!
We get to keep the park!
( Whistling )
Listen, that's not all.
City hall wants me to design
the new city courthouse.
Oh, Mike. That's great, Dad!
Hey, wait a minute.
Will Mr. Phillips go along with that?
I hope to tell you you can't fight city hall.
Oh, yes, you can, Dad, yes, you can!
Mike, that courthouse
is the most beautiful
building I have ever seen.
Oh, you say that about all my buildings.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Greg, what's the matter?
Guess what. What?
They finally decided where
to locate the new city dump.
Oh, yeah? Where?
In Woodland Park.
Woodland Park?! The new dump?
I just heard it on the news.
Oh, and I'll tell you something else, too.
What? What?
I'm putting you on.