8 Simple Rules (2002) s02e24 Episode Script

1
What's going on?
Bridget got suspended from
school for organizing a protest.
What were you protesting?
The lack of mirrors
in school hallways?
No, but am I the only one
concerned about that?
I mean, 'hello',
beauty discrimination.
Now that's the
Bridget I know.
Not the one who
stages protests
to save frogs from
getting dissected.
Okay; That's because.
She didn't organize
the sit-in. I did.
What?
Well, she covered for me
so I wouldn't get in trouble
and I'd be able to go on my
summer program to Europe.
Well, that makes more sense
Yet I don't feel happier.
Oh yeah; Thanks
by the way, Bridget.
Yeah, because of you, my
girlfriend's gonna
run off to Europe
and fall in love with some
fancy French guy named 'Jose'.
Jose is Spanish.
You've already met him?
All right, this is it.
I am going to go
down to that school
and make this right
with the principal.
Yippee'! I get to
deal with him again.
That's okay. Mom, you know
what? You don't have to do that.
I can live with
my punishment.
Bridget; You got suspended.
That means you're gonna miss
the last 2 weeks of school.
Well, You know; I get
a week jump on my tan.
And truth be told, I am
not prepared for finals.
Honey; It can affect
you getting into College.
Hey; No one
said life was fair.
- You'd miss the prom.
- -Oh my God!! What have I done?
Whoo-hoo!
Well; You can all
start sucking up to me.
You're looking at the new roadie
for 'Aerosmith's
Summer Tour 2004'.
What's up?!
A roadie? Isn't
that the guy that
jumps in a barrel
to distract the bull?
That's rodeo clown.
All right?
A 'roadie' is the dude who moves
all the band's equipment around.
Oh, much better.
That's the coolest job
ever. How'd you get it?
Last night I kinda
bumped into Steve
'Steven Tyler'
At his hotel. I was dressed as a
waiter delivering room service.
And I was like, "Yo,
Stefan, you know,
how about a little hookup
for your summer tour?"
And he was like, "sure."
And I was like, "sweet."
And the cop was
like, "I'm firing once."
"Sure"? That's
what he said? "Sure".
That's your job offer?
Yeah. You know.
It's gonna happen. You'll see.
Pretty soon I'll be knee-deep in
groupies rocking
out to Aerosmith.
Now I'm gonna go downstairs
and try on some headbands.
Oh, grandpa; We
should get going.
About a half hour before they
feed the snakes at the pet store.
I'm not in the mood, Rory.
Not in the mood to see
snakes swallow gerbils?
Think you know a guy.
Dad; Are you doing okay?
You you never
miss feeding day.
Who are you?
Dad?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I'm fine. No, I
I do have something
on my mind:
Your mom called.
And she broke up with Paco
and it got me thinking.
You know; Maybe I ought to give
her one last shot at 'this'.
Excuse me.
What's with the sign?
Oh, we started a campaign to
protest Bridget's suspension.
You know; Some of us are writing
her in for "Student
Body President".
- You're kidding?
- Girl: No.
We just get really
upset when we think of
your poor sister
stuck at home,
suffering for her
political beliefs.
Yeah! I just use 45 on my
face, baby oil on my legs,
15 everywhere else
and then cook till done.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Well, I'm ooh,
Brain freeze. Mmm!
Cate Hennessy is
here to see you.
Again? I'm really not in
the mood to deal with
Cate! It's good to see you.
Look; I've got to talk
to you about Bridget.
- You have got it all wrong, Ed.
- Apparently I do.
I never would have figured her
for an animal-rights activist,
not with all the
leather she wears.
That is just it.
Bridget did not
stage that sit-in.
Kerry did.
Ah. Okay well, I'm willing
to admit when I'm wrong.
Carole! Would you
give me the forms
for reinstating Bridget
Hennessy? Please
Thank you.
And the forms for
suspending Kerry Hennessy.
- What?
- Wait wait!
You can't do that. You
can't suspend Kerry.
Actually, I'm
pretty sure I can.
Yeah, but Kerry
is one of the best
students this
school has ever had.
One of the best? "The Best."
Excuse me?
Better than Min Su Li?
He shouldn't even
be here. He's six!
Sure
emotionally.
Not now, sweetie.
Did you just call
me "sweetie"?
Please, Ed.
Look; You know;
rules are rules
and I I actually
have a meeting.
All right, well; What
could be more important
than rectifying the
unjust suspension
of one of this
school's best students?
Well, how about a hot-lunch
program for the poor kids?
Well; How poor
are we talking?
Quite poor.
And I really am late.
I'll tell you what:
We can suspend
Kerry's suspension
until we figure
something out, okay?
Ed; Are you blowing me off?
No, no, no. How about
if we meet for coffee?
Okay; When?
Ah Thursday.
- After school?
- It's a date.
All right.
Okay! Now Kerry; See?
It's all gonna
be worked out.
It's all gonna
be worked out?
You just agreed to go on
a date with my principal!
Uh, Steve;
Just getting the
lowdown on the roadie gig.
Need the detes, all right?
So, call me. I'm here.
I mean, I'm not
I'm not waiting
by the phone.
That's desperate. I don't
You know; Come on.
I'm cool. I just I got
some stuff going.
But seriously;
Give me a jingle, pal.
I love you.
God!!
I hate machines.
They get me nervous.
And apparently a little gay.
By the way, Steven Tyler's
people called you back already.
What?
Yeah, I wrote down
the start date for you.
Well, gimme it!
Ha ha ha ha!
"March 20 never
of 2000 Suck it."
So uncool! Dude!
Oh, classic.
C.J
You mind if I ask
you a question?
Yes. If it comes to that
point, I'll pull the plug.
That wasn't the question.
You've been dumped by
a lot of girls. Correct?
Yeah, a few.
A few hundred. Yes.
Yeah, and of those girls.
Were there any that
you wanted to win back?
Yeah, uh, a few.
But they're always,
"You know; it's better
if we're friends now."
Or, "how'd you find
out where I moved?"
Or, "I'm into girls
now." You know.
That was a mistake.
Oh Kerry! Oh, my goodness.
You are never gonna
believe what happened to me.
No no no, me first.
Mom agreed to go on a
date with principal gibb.
Ahhh..!
I did not.
We are just gonna have coffee
and discuss my
delinquent children.
- He said, "It's a date."
- It's an expression.
Yeah, which
means "Let's date."
Okay Okay; you know
what? I can handle this.
Where are you
having the coffee?
Does it matter?
Oh, so much to learn.
Okay; If he takes you to
one of those coffee chains,
it means he's just
there to talk business
but there's potential
for something more.
And if he takes you to
an intimate coffee house,
that means he's
completely into you.
And if he shows
up 15 minutes late,
that means he's
outside waiting
for you to buy
your own coffee.
Don't hate the player;
Hate the game.
President!
Bridget was elected
"Student Body President"!
You're kidding?
How'd that happen?
A bunch of idiots wrote her in.
Well now, Kerry,
you said so yourself.
There's nothing
to be jealous about.
"You know; Kerry,
you said so yourself:."
"There's nothing to be"
President!!
♪♪
Tu..tu..tu..tu..tu ♪
Ahhhhh!
And do you know
what this means?
She gets to go to
Washington for the summer.
Oh ho ho! Come on!
Yeah; It's some "Future
Leaders Of America" Hoo-ha!
Whatever.
This is what's wrong
with democracy.
Hey; I fought to
defend democracy.
Yeah; And look
at Korea now.
You kicked ass.
I would like to
propose a toast
to Bridget. The future
leader of America.
I'm so glad I'm
going to Europe.
Well, before we eat,
I have a little
announcement to make:
I have decided to take
a trip down to Florida
to see a certain lady.
All right, grandpa. 1500
miles for a Booty call.
Who's the talent?
Your grandmother.
I got two. The
good-looking one?
Well; We were together
for almost 50 years
so I think that's worth
fighting for. Yes, grandpa.
And if it doesn't work out, I
can still pick up my golf clubs.
So mom; What are you wearing
on your date tomorrow?
Date? What date?
Look, for the last
time, principal Gibb and I
are just gonna have a
little talk over coffee.
You two are having coffee?
I can't believe this.
Oh.
For crying out loud.
Rory!
Grandpa; You busy?
I'm just trying to
open this jar of nuts.
- Can I talk to you?
- I'm always here for you.
Here, open this.
What's on your mind?
Show off.
Do you think my mom will
meet someone some day?
Well, I think
that's a possibility.
You can't expect her
to be alone forever.
But she's not alone. She's
got Bridget, Kerry and me.
I guess that's not enough.
I mean, it wasn't
enough for you.
You're leaving us to
go get grandma back.
Oh, I see.
You know;
Even if the 'old bird'
does take me back,
I'll still be in your life.
Yeah, I know. We'll
talk on the phone.
But we won't go to ballgames
or watch snakes eat
All that stuff I did
with dad and you.
Now I guess I'll have
to do that with Harvey.
Harvey?
The guy I imagine
mom's gonna meet.
He sells waterbeds and
drives a cutlass ciera.
He's always rubbing me
on the head and saying,
"Hey there, skipper."
Yeah, I hate that guy.
Well, You know; Rory,
I've been thinking about
driving down to Florida
instead of flying
Get out to see the country.
But those rides
get a little lonely.
You wouldn't be interested
in tagging along, would you?
On a road trip? Totally.
Mom; Grandpa and me are
going to drive down to Florida
when school
gets out. Can I go?
Uh, I think that's
a great idea.
Sweet!
I'm gonna go make a mix CD.
Grandpa; What do you like better,
west-coast or east-coast rap?
Surprise me.
Is everything okay;
Sweetheart?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I just realized that
With the kids and
you gone this summer,
I'm I'm gonna be here alone.
And I've
I've never been here alone.
Well, maybe a little alone
time will do you some good.
You could do some reading,
take some long walks.
Maybe you can meet
someone for coffee.
No, nah.
It's way too soon for that.
Hey, there's no
rush, baby girl.
It's just when that time comes,
stay away from
guys named 'Harvey'.
Let me just get
organized here.
Ha, ha, ha.
Is something funny?
Yeah; We're we're
in the cafeteria.
Yeah.
We're having coffee
in the cafeteria.
Ha, ha, ha.
Somebody pour
something in there
when I wasn't looking?
No.
It's just something
my kids said.
Oh, your kids
'The 2 Hellraisers'.
Well, actually, there's three.
Oh, no no no. There's a third?
Uh-huh. You'll be
having him next year.
Oh, well, I look forward
to suspending him.
Now look, about Kerry
Animal rights are
very important to her.
So I'm not surprised that she
would protest a frog dissection.
Hmm. Well, we don't
dissect animals here.
The frogs that Kerry saw
are part of a senior
genetics experiment.
And her anatomy
final is on a computer.
Oh.
Well, Kerry obviously
didn't know that.
Well, Min Su Li, did.
Come on. You don't
want to suspend
the rare student who
actually cares, do you?
No. No, I don't. And
Kerry is a good kid.
And I'm willing to see
if there's a way
to let her back in
within the rules, okay?
So
I looked this up.
It says here:
"If a parent disagrees
with a principal's decision,
the parent may appeal
to an ombudsman."
Well, fine. Where is he?
Well, here's the thing:
Um, I haven't
appointed one yet.
But it's your job
to appoint one.
Yes. You are right.
And because of that,
I hereby appoint
myself ombudsman.
Cate
What brings you to
see the ombudsman?
This is ridiculous.
Well, I really think that's
for the ombudsman to decide.
Okay.
Would you please let
Kerry back into school?
Mmm.
Okay.
God! You know;
I don't remember you being
this funny in High School.
What? Are you kidding?
I was hysterical.
By the way, I'm
sorry if I sometimes
come off like a tyrant.
It's just because, I
I realize how important
discipline is for kids,
being a parent myself.
So
You're a dad.
What's your wife do?
She mainly blames
me for our divorce.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Aw, that's okay. We
..wanted different things.
She wanted somebody that
that wasn't a
slave to his job,
And I
I wanted someone that
wasn't sleeping
with my best friend.
More coffee?
- Oh, no.
- What's wrong?
It's my schedule for
my trip to Washington.
It's so stupid.
I don't even get to meet
anybody important
Just some secretary.
Of State!
What's she gonna do?
Make me coffee?
That's it. I can't
take this anymore
The posters,
the interviews,
the meetings
with world leaders.
I am the one who
organized the sit-in.
I should be getting
all the credit.
Oh, ho; I see. It's all
about getting credit.
And you had us
all believing that
you cared about
protecting frogs.
Okay; Fine!
I'll prove to you that
I protect the frogs.
What are you gonna do, kiss one?
- Oh, pff!
Oh, yeah; Oh!
You kissed frogs!
- I have never kissed a frog.
- Yeah!
You wanted a boyfriend so
bad, you picked that frog up
I picked him up, I
looked at the face
You looked at the face
'cause you wanted to get kissed.
You love frogs!
Okay; So, sue me
I care about the animals.
I'm gonna go to
school right now
and you are coming with me.
Haven't I done enough?
Nobody is there!
The principal's on a
date with our mother.
- Move it!
- C.J.!
Rough day at the
cabbage patch?
We need to buy an ice
cooler for the car,
a police scanner and
a pair of fuzzy dice.
We're not leaving
for a month.
While we're going to the
store, might as well get me
a bigger suitcase
for all my stuff.
All your stuff?
What do you got?
Two pairs of pants,
a belt and a bag
of pistachios?
C.J.; Why don't you
come with us to Florida?
Well; Two things, 'hormone':
One is the frantic wind
from the hand-waving
by grandpa
behind me saying no.
And two:
I'll be with Aerosmith, man.
More importantly, I'm
gonna be on the road
setting up Mikes,
moving amps,
picking up panties.
It's rough work
but that's the job.
Have you even talked
to these people yet?
'Not per se', but Steven said
I know what he
said. He said "sure."
But you're not 18 anymore.
You know; you can't be
sitting around waiting
for these stupid adolescent
fantasies to come true.
Eh, maybe you're right.
I mean,
they haven't responded
to any of my letters
and calls and poetry.
- Your what?
- Nothing.
C.J.,
You are at a fork
in the road of your life.
I know. It's so stupid.
You know what?
I kinda counted on my whole
summer with these guys.
You could still come with
me and grandpa to Florida.
Come on, C.J!
It'll be great.
Okay Okay; 'Simmer Mary'.
All right; I'll go. I'll go.
Well then; Let's
all go to the store.
And I'm not gonna let Rory
get a pair of fuzzy dice.
That aren't big enough.
Let me get my sunglasses.
I'll see you out there.
C.J.,
I'm really really psyched
that you're going
Really psyched.
Me too, buddy.
Now simmer.
Man: Yeah, this
message is for C.J.
This is Terry London,
head roadie for Aaerosmith.
Steven says he still wants
you for the roadie gig.
He really dug your poetry.
So if you're still interested,
meet us at the
airport at midnight.
Bring your passport, your own
headband and some penicillin.
Come on, C.J., let's go.
Message erased.
I'm coming!
Well, I have to go.
And thanks so
much for Kerry.
- Sure.
- And thanks for the coffee.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
What?
Well, You know; You
might find this funny,
but, my kids actually
had me convinced
that this might be
a well, You know; a
Oh.
Ha! Never mind.
Good night.
Would you like to
have dinner sometime?
Excuse me?
That just came out.
It was totally inappropriate.
But would you?
No. That's right.
Don't answer.
Don't!
It's just you know,
my shrink told me
that I should try
to take more risks
and ha ha ha!
Oh, God!
Well; Now you
know I see a shrink.
Okay; Well, I'm gonna
go into my office now
and stay there
until I'm pretty
sure you're not here.
Whoo boy!
Wow!
All right.
What am I gonna do, Paul?
This is big.
I need a sign.
And I mean Biblical.
You know; like a 'Burning bush'
or 'Parting of the seas'
or 'Swarms of locusts'.
I need something.
Croak
Croak crock.
Crok croack crock.
Ohhhhhh!
Croak crock crock.
Ohhhh!!
Crok crocak croack.
Croak crock crock.
- Come here!
- Come! Croak crock crock.
Crok crock croack
Go. Far away, that way.
To the door!
Croak crock crock.
Croak crock
crock -You're free.
-Go.
Croak crock crock.
Go go!
Go be free. Croak
crock crock.
Croak crock crock
Go go go. Shoo shoo.
You don't shoo frogs.
Croak crock crock.
Croak croack croack
Muaw muaw..!
- Go go.
-You're free!
- Crok oOo crock
oOo
..-oOo-..
oOo
oOo
oOo
oOo