Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e29 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Birds chattering]
D-ooh!
Skipper, you scared me.
You didn't do me any good either.
Oh, I'm sorry, skipper.
Let's go back to camp.
Gilligan, you are staying right here.
But it's scary right here.
Gilligan, there's nothing
to be scared about,
unless you let that rescue fire go out.
If the fire goes out, what
should I be scared of then?
Me!
Skipper, we light that fire every night,
and nobody ever sees it.
Yes, and gilligan, we're
gonna keep this fire lit
until somebody does see it.
Okay, I'll stay.
[Sigh] That's much better now, gilligan.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, skipper. Sleep tight.
Well, thank you, little buddy. You, too
that is, you stay awake
oh, gilligan, start putting
this wood on the fire.
Goodnight!
[Engine sputtering]
Wake up, young man.
I'm awake, skipper, I'm awake.
I have come to rescue you.
Aaaaaaah!
Skipper, we've been rescued.
Alright, gilligan, by whom
are we being rescued,
Mary poppins or Moby dick?
No, no, skipper, by a Dr. Boris balinkoff.
Lives on the island nearby in a big
I know, gilligan, and he's
gonna rescue us all, right?
Right.
Thank you very much.
You are welcome.
Oh, are you the same doctor
who rescued that man in Africa?
Doctor, my wife is referring
to Stanley and living stone.
Oh, no, no, madam.
I am Dr. Boris balinkoff.
But I can understand your confusion.
Oh, thurston, isn't that wonderful?
He understands my confusion.
Wonderful? It's positively staggering.
And now, I would like to
meet the rest of the group,
take you safely to my island,
and then, to civilization.
Civilization, lovey.
Wall street and the Harvard club.
Oh, beauty parlors and steam baths.
My bank book.
My mother.
Lovey, why did you ruin everything?
That's for seeing our fire.
That's for coming to our rescue.
That's for taking us off the island.
What was that for?
That's for being a man.
Well, you see,
I only have a lifeboat from my yacht.
Overloading it would be most dangerous.
Yes, it would be foolhardy
to risk our lives now.
Skipper, you and I could go to the island,
sail the yacht back.
Gilligan, why don't you stop
making those dumb suggestions?
No, no, it is a brilliant suggestion.
It is? Of course.
You and the skipper
return with the doctor
and sail the yacht back for the rest of us.
You see?
Yeah, well, nobody likes a show-off.
Shall we get started?
Come, young man.
At last, I have found
2 perfect specimens.
How could I have
been so absent-minded?
I forgot that my crew took the yacht,
uh, for repairs.
I know the trouble you can
have with a crew, doctor.
He means me. Sometimes
I have accidents.
Well, it was because of you
that I discovered him.
Well, it was an accident.
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
I'm forgetting my duties as a host.
I must go and see that your
2-inch-thick steaks are ready.
Oh, doctor, how can we repay you
for all the things you're doing?
I will think of something.
Uh, make yourselves at home.
I will return shortly.
Make yourselves at home?
He must think we live
in a haunted house.
Gilligan, don't tell me you're frightened.
What makes you think that?
Well
Sorry, skipper.
Well, I've got to admit
something to you, little buddy.
This place is beginning
to give me the creeps, too.
It wouldn't be so bad if he
didn't keep staring at us.
Gilligan, we're alone in here.
Nobody's watching us.
Yeah? When I look at that picture,
it looks back at me.
What picture?
That picture.
Skipper
Skipper, the eyes are different now.
Oh, gilligan, stop that.
Eh eh eyes are eyes,
and, well, those are both blue.
But before, they were bloodshot.
You're just getting all upset over nothing.
Skipper, you tell me one thing,
but my goose pimples tell me another.
Believe me, gilligan, the
whole idea is to stop worrying.
Now, there's nothing to
worry about, you understand?
You've got to stay cool, calm, ke
keel, calm, and cool cool, ca
oh, I'm beginning to get a little
upset about this place myself.
Yeah, and I'm getting out of here.
Skipper, am I getting close to what it is?
D-D-Don't put your hand too close.
He may bite it off.
Boris: Ooh!
I see you have met Igor.
We kind of bumped into each other.
I must admit his
appearance is a bit awesome,
but he is as gentle as a little baby.
A baby what?
Come, enjoy the steaks.
Set yourself down.
I will go and pick your friends up.
Excuse me.
Oh, gilligan, aren't
these steaks beautiful?
You better enjoy it. It
might be your last meal.
Well, thanks a lot, little buddy.
That'll certainly help my appetite.
[Blows]
Hey, skipper, look. A dog.
Well, gilligan, I know
a dog when I see one.
Hi, fella.
[Growls and meows]
[Meows]
Skipper, I know we've been
shipwrecked a long time,
but doesn't a dog go, "woof-woof"?
I I I think so, gilligan.
[Meows]
[Meows]
Nice kitty uh, doggy. Ha ha ha!
You know, Mary Ann,
I'm beginning to get suspicious.
Suspicious of what?
Of a guy living on a
lonely island in the pacific
all by himself.
Oh, ginger, we shouldn't criticize.
We should be grateful.
Hansel and gretel said the same thing
just before the witch
slammed the oven door.
You know, he is a bit odd, perhaps,
but he is gonna save us.
Save us for what?
Skipper, are you sure?
Gilligan, yes, I'm sure.
A dog goes "bow wow,"
and a cat goes "meow meow."
Hey, you hear that? Huh?
A dog goes "bow wow."
[Meows]
You're not listening.
[Meows]
Hey, cat, cat.
Show them what you
sound like. Go ahead.
Cat?
[Woof]
[Woof woof]
Hey, skipper! Guess what?
Be quiet, gilligan.
But, skipper, it's very, very important.
Look, gilligan, will you be still?
Now stand there and don't move.
Okay, skip
skipper!
Alright, gilligan. What is it that's so im
portant.
Gilligan, little buddy.
Gilligan!
Gilligan.
Have you seen my little buddy?
[Meow]
He was standing right
over here in the corner.
I told him not to move,
and now he's goooone!
Skipper, what kind of place is this?
I think this used to be
the torture chamber.
Come on, gilligan.
But, skipper, this place is too scary.
There's positively nothing
to worry about, little buddy.
You hear that, skinny?
There's nothing to worry about.
What's that?
I think this is what
they used to call a rack.
They used it to stretch people with.
They made basketball players?
No, gilligan, but if I gave you the answer,
I don't think you'd like it.
Don't tell me.
Anyway, I think this stuff is all so old
it doesn't even work anymore.
What's this?
Well, this they used to call a stock.
Here, lift this end up.
And see, you put one wrist
in here and the other in here,
and you put your neck in here
no! Thanks a lot, gilligan.
Thought you said it wouldn't work.
Okay, so I was wrong. Now get it open.
Oh, it won't open.
Gilligan, it's got to!
It's starting to choke me.
I'll get you out.
Not that way!
Okay, I'll try the skinny end.
Gilligan, will you cut that out?
Now run your hand along the top.
There must be a spring
or a lock or something.
Not my top, you dumbbell.
I'm not so dumb.
Oh, yes, you are.
If I'm so dumb, how
come you're in there,
and I'm out here?
Very funny.
Get me out of here.
Oh! This thing can scare
the life out of you.
Think you're scared? Look at him.
[Clicking]
Shh!
Aah!
Uh, ha ha! Nice day, isn't it?
Are you sightseeing?
A lovely parrot you got there.
Timothy, say thank you.
[Roaring like a lion]
I presume you have discovered
the nature of my experiment.
Oh, no, we haven't. Honest, we haven't.
I have been doing research
on animal transference.
I've changed a dog into a cat.
Skipper, we were right!
A dog does go bow-wow.
Gilligan, will you stop
interrupting the doctor?
It's not polite!
A canary into a horse
A lamb into a tiger!
A kangaroo into a little Teddy bear.
What a crazy zoo!
And now, at last
I can do it with people.
N-Not on us, you don't!
Igor, take them into the playroom.
Igor! You stupid
why don't you look out
Come on, skipper, get him!
You're stronger than he is!
Come on, skipper
arrrgh!
Come on, Igor! Come
on, Igor! Get him, Igor!
Come on, Igor! Get him! Get him!
Thanks a lot for the support, pal.
What are you gonna do with us?
First we capture the others.
Then the doctor
will make some changes.
I wonder what he's
gonna change me into.
Well, judging from your size,
I'd say a scrawny, pint-sized chicken!
With my size, I wonder
what I'm gonna become!
You? You'll probably
become a big, fat whale
or a big, fat pig, big, fat water buffalo
thanks a lot, gilligan! Unh!
Ginger: Why do I have the
feeling that I'm being watched?
Oh, we should never have let
Mr. Howell and the professor
go out looking by themselves.
Oh, I'm sure they'll find
gilligan and the skipper.
You know, I made a lot of
movies in haunted houses,
and whenever I wanted to find anybody,
I always knocked on the window seat.
[Knock knock knock]
[Knock knock knock]
Aah! Aah!
Why would the good doctor say
they were in the greenhouse
when he doesn't even have one?
I'm beginning to believe
the good doctor is sly,
cunning, and underhanded.
Good heavens. That's my territory.
I'll look upstairs. You stay here
and let me know if they show up
or if anything unnatural happens.
Yeah, that's good, but
what do I use for a signal?
I don't care. Anything!
How about a high, piercing scream?
So nice of you to drop in, Mr. Howell.
Well, uh, doctor, I
don't mean to be pushy,
but, uh, would you mind
explaining some things?
It will be my pleasure.
And I assure you that you will find
our little chat extremely profitable.
Well, I don't care to
discuss anything with you
because I think that
did you say profitable?
How would you like to rule The world?
Rule the world? I'd much rather buy it
and hire someone to run it for me.
I have made a most remarkable
scientific discovery.
I can transfer the mind of animals
into the body of another one.
Well, that's very charming
and very amusing,
but how exactly would it
be, shall we say, profitable?
Mr. Howell
Now I can do it with people.
Well, personally, I can't think of anyone
that I'd rather be than me
oh!
All we need is a handful
of loyal followers.
We take their minds and
put it into the bodies
of leaders of the world, and presto!
We can control everything on earth!
How does that grab you?
Very interesting and very profitable.
Why don't I buy you out, say,
for $20 million?
Buy me for money?!
Bah on money!
Bah on money? What are
you, some kind of an atheist?
A Yale man?
When does this thing
get to Albuquerque?
Well, uh
I tell you, that doctor is mad, mad, mad!
Now, really, thurston,
your hasty judgments distress me.
Well, no. He talks
about owning the world.
Even I am not that crazy.
Well, if we did own the whole world,
we could build a lovely house in Spain
and have the mediterranean
as our swimming pool.
But what did he say about
gilligan and the skipper?
Well, we never got
around to talking about that.
Well, just exactly what is his plan?
Well, you see, it seems
that he can transfer
the brain of one animal
to the body of another.
Well, what's that got to do with us?
He intends to experiment on people.
Good heavens! We've got to talk to him.
Well, there's no use talking
to him. The man is mad.
He won't even talk about money.
I wish I knew what they're doing
with my darling thurston.
He has my little buddy, too.
Well, I'm afraid we must
be prepared for the worst.
What could be worse than this?
Well, at least you're lying down.
They're trying to make
a pretzel out of me.
Oh! This is going to ruin
my whole career.
I mean, after all, who wants to play
opposite a 7-foot leading lady?
Oh, thurston, darling, you're alright.
Thurston: Of course I am, lovey.
I'm talking to my husband.
Gilligan: Uh, gee, Mrs. Howell,
does that mean we're married?
The professor said terrible
things are happening,
but I didn't expect anything like this.
Gilligan, wh-what happened?
Well, nothing. He put us
in some glass booths.
Will you stop answering for me?
Has everyone gone mad?
There's a mirror in my
purse. You better take a look.
Gilligan: Okay.
Hey, Mr. Howell, what
are you doing in that mirror?
Let me see that.
Good grief! I've been shortchanged!
I've got gilligan's body!
Buddy, is that really you?
You're not my little buddy. He is.
I resent that, captain.
Professor, I'm getting so I don't know
who anybody is anymore!
When you were in his laboratory,
did either one of you
see a way to escape?
When I was me, I was too scared.
It's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
Thurston, I can't stand that voice
coming out of your head.
Lovey, I'm still the same man.
Remember, beauty's only skin deep.
Yes, but now you have
somebody else's skin.
[Door opens]
Here he comes now. Gilligan, jump him
when he comes down the stairs.
Got him, skipper! I got him, skipper!
Give up, gilligan!
Don't let him bruise my body!
Aah! Aah!
Into the booth, Igor!
Really, doctor, I must insist you return
the Mr. Thurston ho well
that I came with.
So, you do not approve of the change.
No. His voice still sounds like caviar,
but the rest of him
looks like mulligan stew!
Do not let me use force, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, pooh!
You must be one of those silly doctors
who voted for medicare.
Lovey: Oh, dear,
how can I go anywhere
dressed like this?
Dressed? If you could see
the way you look!
Professor: Will you all
please stop bickering?
Skipper: Will you please
keep out of this, professor?
I am Mary Ann!
I keep forgetting he's a she.
What are we gonna do, professor?
If I can get into that laboratory,
I know I can work the control panel.
A lot of help I'll be like this!
Oh! Someone's coming!
Well, here comes ol' ugly himself.
Ginger: Gilligan!
How can you say a thing like that to me?
Ginger!
Why is everybody staring at me?
Uh, look into the mirror.
I'm going to cry!
Listen, everybody,
ginger can save our lives.
Well, what can she do?
She can break the chains.
Ginger, set us free!
Professor, I'm not strong
enough to break anything
but a fingernail.
You are now.
Come on, ginger! Me first!
This is silly.
I can't break iron chains.
I did it!
I did it! I did it!
Alright. Gilligan, Mr. Howell,
you in first.
Skipper, close the door.
Ginger, over there.
Alright now, skipper, watch what I do.
Alright, skipper, open the door.
[Usual voice] Am I me?
That you are.
[Normal voice] Lovey, I'm back to me!
Skipper: You kiss me, and I'll belt you.
Sorry, captain, but you
do remind me of my wife.
Alright, skipper, you take
over the control switch.
Mary Ann, in the booth.
Uh, lovey Are you sure you're you?
Well, of course I am.
Well, then it's alright,
except Except what?
If you were still the
captain, you'd be able to go
into the steam room with me
in the athletic club.
Don't stand there gawking.
Get me back my beautiful,
beautiful body.
Ah, so you're still on the island.
How fortunate!
For whom?
You shall soon see.
Igor! Capture them!
Capture them yourself.
Igor, what has happened to you?
Igor: I am in here.
Feels good.
Ginger, quickly!
Into this cabinet! Come on!
No! No!
Get in the cabinet!
Let's get her out.
No, no, Mr. Howell! Leave him in there!
Oh, it's so good to be home!
Alright, Mr. Howell, take
the women out of here.
Yes, women out of here!
Where's gilligan?
He's right behind me.
Alright, is everybody here?
Yes. Let's get down to the boat.
Balinkoff: Igor, hurry up!
Igor: Coming, doctor, coming!
[Meow]
[Woof woof woof]
[Meow]
[Woof woof]
[Meowrr]
[Woof woof]
[Engine sputters and coughs]
I never thought I'd be glad to see
this dreary little island again.
Perhaps we should have
a homecoming party.
I mean, a hut-coming party.
We're not going to stay long
enough for parties, Mrs. Howell.
This boat can take us all
into the shipping lanes.
Oh. I'll go get some food and supplies.
Oh! I will get some fresh water.
And I'll get some warm clothing.
Thank you.
Gilligan and I will get some canvas
to keep the rain off us.
If we hurry, we can make it by high tide.
Come on, gilligan, hurry it up!
I never thought that little boat
would take all of us back here.
Gilligan, I told you that
boat was seaworthy.
Gee, what, do you think it'll stay together
till we get back to Hawaii?
Gilligan, like I told you, it's seaworthy.
Now, for goodness sakes,
when I tell you it's seaworthy,
you better believe it.
With my knowledge of the sea
and my knowledge of ship's construction,
I could sail that around the world!
[Bubbling]
Skipper, you said you could sail that
like I told you, gilligan,
nobody likes a wise guy.
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪