Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e30 Episode Script

1
Jackie: The museum
will be very pleased
to have the golden dragon
returned to Hong Kong.
How come? They've
been yapping on TV
how it broke all kinds
of attendance records.
Yes, but maintaining
security has been difficult.
There were at least
2 attempts to steal it.
UhMake that 3.
(Gasps)
Hey!
Uhh!
Quickly! Quickly!
Jackie!
No! Dah!
Looks like we hooked
the wrong fish.
How do we
get rid of him?
They don't call them
sky scrapers for nothing.
Aah!
Bad day, bad day!
Bad day!
Uhh!
Aah!
(Whoosh)
The elevator is too slow.
Heh heh.
Uncle:
8 cantonese faces.
12, 13, 14--
you should
have seen me!
Rescuing the dragon,
chasing off the bad guys!
Oh, I mean,
uncle Jackie helped, too.
Less talk,
more counting,
how many chopsticks?
15, sensei.
15? Chopsticks always
come in pairs.
Count again!
Yep! Thanks to us,
that dragon's loaded up
and sailin' to--
Jackie:
No, it's not, Jade.
The cargo ship
was not a secure
enough transport.
The museum decided
that with the thieves
still at large,
the golden dragon
will instead travel
to Hong Kong
on the last place
anyone would
think to look:
A cruise ship.
I will accompany it.
Tsh. You lucked out.
Yes. The only problem
is that the museum
has given me
a 2-room suite.
I do not know
what to do with
all that extra space.
I'm going on a cruise! Yes!
Ha ha ha.
All of us are going.
Uncle, tohru--
huh? Uncle does not cruise!
Uncle does inventory!
Uncle, when
was the last time
you took
a real vacation?
Let me see.
(Abacus clicking)
3, 4, carry the one.
Never! So, why start now?
Because it'll be
wicked fun!
Come on. Please?
Heh
Ay, uh
Eeh. Brown eyes
get uncle every time.
Fine. I'll go.
Yes!
I will stay here.
Tohru, hello?
Swimming pools,
whale watching.
All the shrimp you can eat.
Ok, strike that.
All the pizza you can eat?
I cannot
travel on a ship.
Tsh. Knew I shouldn't have
taken you to see Titanic.
That was just a movie, tohru.
It's not that, Jade.
I get seasick.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh. You're serious.
Hey, there's medicine
you can take for that.
I have tried.
Nothing helps.
Well, guess what.
I have a guaranteed
cure for seasickness.
You do?
Meet you back
at section 13, Jackie.
Gotta go pack!
12 inches thick
and absolutely
state of the art.
Most banks don't have
a vault this secure.
I'm sure it is more
security than is necessary.
Midnight rollerblading,
video arcade, dessert 24-7.
Cruising is so cool.
Ahh! Waste of time.
Will not even be able
to get a good cup of tea.
Woman: He drinks tea?
Thought Billy goats
only eat tin cans.
Ay ah!
Fat dragon
locked in vault!
Tohru, what's your mom--
um, Jackie said it
would be all right
to have her join us.
Where are you
going, uncle?
To lifeboat!
Row back to shore!
Good! I have
better things to do
than hang around
with junk-seller.
I visit with
my boy, relax,
play a little mahjong.
You play mahjong?
No. I win at mahjong.
5-time
all-Kyoto finalist.
Hong king community
center champion 1955.
Beat you with one hand
tied behind back.
Ha! Big talker.
How about you
put your tiles
where your mouth is.
Jade: Where have you
been, tohru?
You totally
missed dinner
and the make-your-own-
sundae bar.
They had everything.
Whipped cream, nuts--
(groans)
I think tohru has still
not found his sea legs, Jade.
You said you had a cure
for seasickness, Jade.
Oh?
Uh-huh. I do.
It's, uh
Hypnotism!
Read a book about it.
Ah. This I would
like to see.
We kind of need
privacy, Jackie.
Now, just watch my hand.
(Gasps)
The horse talisman.
The healer.
My little pony's
guaranteed to cure
what ails you.
But you are forbidden
to remove the talismans
from section 13.
Ok, if that's
the way you feel.
Thought so.
Well?
(Stomach growls)
Ahh. Do you think there
is any orange sherbet left?
Ha! I win again.
Ah, you cheat again.
Every time I sneeze,
you move a tile.
You sneeze,
all the tiles move.
Bird beak nose should
have its own zip code!
Grrr!
Hmm. 7 through zero upgrade.
It's got a titanium shell.
Can you crack it?
Only one way
to find out.
(Snoring)
(Loud snoring)
Huh? Who's sawing?
What are you doing
out here, tohru?
Could not sleep.
I know what you mean.
Your mom snores
like a lawn mower.
I tossed my crackers.
Huh? Oh, you mean
you tossed your cookies.
Guess the cure's
like medicine.
Gotta keep taking it.
I'll get the talisman.
Talisman?
Where is it, Jade?
(Footsteps)
I will be checking
on the dragon
after breakfast.
If I do not find
the talisman
in the vault,
you will be
spending the rest
of the cruise
inside your room.
Hyuh! Yah! Huhh!
Status.
(Sighs)
Impervious.
UnhErUhh!
"How many times
have I told you
the talismans
are dangerous?"
Tsh. Tohru losing
his lunch is dangerous.
Man: I can attempt
a circuitry bypass,
but as soon as
a crew member
accesses
- the ship's computer,
he'll know
we're online.
Then I guess
we better
go with our
contingency plan.
Basil, butch
We're taking
over the ship.
UnhCome on, come on.
UnhErrUhh!
Butch
Hmm.
- You lose at mahjong,
Chinese checkers.
Billy goat care
to try gin rummy?
I prefer a game of skill.
Shuffleboard.
Uh, how about
relaxing by the pool?
Quiet!
- Quiet!
(Tohru groans)
Tohru, how is my
baby boy feeling today?
A little better, mommy.
Come. A walk
will do you good.
Where are we
walking to?
Breakfast. Ocean air always
gives me a big appetite.
Eggs, bacon, biscuits.
Tohru?
(Groans)
P.A.: Attention,
all passengers.
This is your captain.
Please assemble
in the ballroom
for a mandatory
safety presentation.
Heh! Not yet
have morning tea!
(People talking)
Ha! What kind of ship
they running?
Captain calls meeting,
no captain here!
Something is wrong.
Afraid the captain and crew
are indisposed, folks.
The ship is now
under my command.
What? Huh?
(All gasp)
Laser cage.
I suspect these
are the same men
as from the helicopter.
They are after the dragon.
Good.
They can have her.
Funny man won't
be so funny
when I whoop you
at shuffleboard!
Excuse me, tohru!
Thank you!
One of the rabbits
jumped his cage.
Maori fighting stick!
Drum stick! Heh.
Wha--?!
Aah! Uhh!
Oh!
Wah! Unh!
Ohh
Unh! Ohh
(Feebly)
Thank you, tohru.
I am going to be sick.
Aah!
How much longer?
Access code variables
are infinitely exponential.
In English.
Working on it.
I win. Again.
(Paper crumpling)
Heh! That's because
you have "xs."
"Xs" always win!
All will be settled
on shuffleboard court!
Oh, Jackie, would you
please stop pacing?
Sorry. I am very
worried about Jade.
These are dangerous men.
Jade: Don't worry,
uncle Jackie.
I got it
all covered.
Uhh! Jade!
Ok, here's the plan.
You distract him.
I'll do my famous
flying drop kick.
That will--
- no, Jade.
I have a better plan.
Find the communications room
and signal an s.O.S.
But--
- and please hurry!
Yeah, that's always
my favorite part
of the movie--
when the hero
makes a phone call.
Uh, hello?
Mayday! Mayday!
Can someone connect me
to section 13?
It's a top secret
organization.
Uh, they're probably
not listed.
On second thought, just
get me the coast guard.
Someone's
on the ship-to-shore.
Jade: The ship has been
taken over by a--
a bunch of thieving
pirates!
What is your location?
Prince Arnold
cruise ship.
And we're, like,
a few hundred miles
from San Francisco.
No, what is your location?
Where are you on the ship?
Well, I'm
in the radio room,
but what's that
got to do with--
uh-oh.
(Crumpling)
Uh, you're breaking up.
Over and out!
Butch
Right.
Got us
a wild rabbit.
I'll hunt her down.
Jade.
(Grumbling)
She's in the air ducts.
Too tight for butch.
I have a solution.
Nice plan, Jackie.
This time,
we do it my way.
A little surprise
attack and--wha--?
Hey, who turned on
the air conditioning?
Whoa! Whoa! Unh!
Uh, which way to the pool?
Got her.
Good. If anyone
actually intercepted
that ship-to-shore,
we'll be crawling
with coast guard.
Another 20 minutes and--
new plan.
We blow the vault.
We discussed this, giles.
Too risky.
If a fire breaks out
or we breach the hull--
just do it!
Ow!
Hey! Come back here!
30 seconds.
(Gasps)
Slippery little eel,
ain't ya?
Well, maybe it'd be best
to return you to the water.
Uh, see this?
It has magic powers, and--
and it'll blast you
if I say the magic words!
Yeah. Right.
(Boom)
Aah!
(Water gushing)
I warned you.
The vault's open,
isn't it?
Yes, and so is a piece
of the hull.
No more magic! Please?
What's with all
the sirens?
The ship is sinking!
The passengers
In the ballroom!
I'm all over it.
Jade to the rescue!
(All gasp)
Everyone, calmly
to the lifeboats.
(Everyone screaming)
There will not be
enough time to evacuate.
The talisman, Jade--
perhaps we can use it
to heal the ship.
Ok, but you're breaking
your rule about--
Jade!
- All right!
Uh, uh, I think
I lost it,
uh, in the galley!
I will find it!
Please climb into a lifeboat
with the others!
(Passengers arguing)
We're near
capacity, captain!
The boats can and will
accommodate every passenger
and crew member.
But we never really
had anyone his size.
That boat?
Bobbing up and down? Ohh.
I will stay here.
If my baby not going,
I not going!
Bah! Take
the Billy goat!
Ha! Nice try.
Uncle not leave ship
until whip you
at shuffleboard!
Take Jade.
Where is she?
Jackie'll never find
that talisman
without my eagle eyes.
The golden dragon!
You don't really think
you're going to stop us?
No. Take the artifact.
I only want
to protect the ship
and the people
aboard it.
I don't believe you.
Take care of him, boys.
We'll meet you topside.
Uhh! What about
butch and basil?
They snooze, they lose.
Hyuh!
Aah! Huh!
Uhh! Oh, gah!
Wah!
Aha?
Jade: Don't make me
use this.
Uhh! Get out of here
before she blows us up!
Trust me.
Blow us up?
It's a long story.
Let us hope this works.
(All gasp)
Look at that!
Ohh
I don't believe it.
(Retches)
Ahh! Finally we can relax
and enjoy the cruise.
Where is tohru?
You got me.
Haven't seen him
since your big
lecture about how
"the talisman is not
to leave the vault."
It's nice to see those 2
actually enjoying
each other's company.
Ah, junk monger, weak
as scrawny chicken. Gah!
Toothless old bat
got nothing! Uhh
Hey, Jackie
Yes?
What do you do
on rainy days?
Actually, I will
drive my car,
especially at night,
middle of the night,
like at 3:00, 4:00.
Just by myself.
I let the rain
Then I will stop,
you know, somewhere
around, beside the highway.
Have a sun roof
with all the glass
is on the top.
I just listen to music.
Listen to rain.
Really, really,
really relaxing.