Gilligan's Island (1964) s02e32 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back ♪
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day ♪
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
the weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
[instrumental music]
Skipper!
Skipper.
Skipper.
Skipper. Skipper.
Ugh!
Gilligan, is this your idea
of some kind of a joke?
Look, a falling star!
Gilligan, it's daytime. That's impossible.
Would you believe a falling moon?
No, I wouldn't believe a falling moon.
What would you believe?
I I believe it's gonna hit the island!
[Explosion]
Skipper, what do you think it is?
I don't know, gilligan,
but we'd better go see.
Look, gilligan, look!
What a crazy care package.
Looks like something from outer space.
I believe it! No wonder.
After all the stuff we shot up
there, they finally shot back.
I don't mean a weapon,
gilligan. I mean, it's
it's a piece of meteor.
Oh, no!
A piece of meteor? A meteor?
Yes, a meteor.
What's a meteor?
Oh, brother.
Come on, let's take a closer look.
Hey, skipper, I don't think
we should go too close.
Looks kinda spooky.
Gilligan, let me explain.
A piece of meteor is something
off a star or a planet or something,
and it breaks off every now
and then and falls to earth.
Oh. Professor: Don't go near that!
It talked.
Skipper! Gilligan!
It knows our names.
It's the professor.
Doesn't look like the professor.
Get away from there!
I wonder what he's worried about.
Professor: Fast!
Let's go find out. Fast!
What's wrong, professor?
That large, glowing object.
It's a meteor. It's like a little piece
of star or planet, breaks off
alright, gilligan. The
professor knows all about that.
Gentlemen, on the one hand,
there may be nothing to worry about.
Good. But on the other hand
I knew it. It's always the
other hand that gets in trouble.
Gilligan, would you be quiet
and let the professor talk?
These meteors travel
millions of miles through space,
through the stratosphere,
the ionosphere,
the radiation belt, picking up
all sorts of strange rays.
That's why it's glowing.
Oh, my gosh.
W-What are we gonna do about it?
I have a suggestion.
Oh, what?
This simple form of geiger counter
will be able to tell us whether
that meteor is radioactive.
Oh, professor, if it is,
it's absolutely deadly.
Now, just try to be calm.
When I put this fallout meter together,
we'll make a radiation count,
and that way we'll definitely know
whether there's cause for alarm.
[Blaring]
Gilligan!
My alarm just went off. Oh, cut that out!
Gilligan, there is great need for secrecy.
Ginger, Mary Ann, and the howells
mustn't know anything about this.
That's a good idea, professor.
I'll help you put this together.
Gilligan? Yes, sir?
I I want you to stand
guard outside the hut
and let nobody know what we're doing.
That's easy because I don't
even know what we're doing.
By the way, what are we doing?
Gilligan, outside!
Hold this.
Gilligan, what are you supposed to be?
I can't tell you.
What can't you tell me?
Ask me what the skipper and
the professor are doing in there.
Alright. What are the skipper
and the professor doing in there?
That's what I can't tell you.
Oh, gilligan. Come on.
You can tell ginger.
You might not want to run
your fingers through my hair.
You'll probably end up with
a palmful of greasy kid stuff.
Why can't you tell me?
My lips are sealed.
There. Did that steam them open?
No, it's a surprise.
Surprise?
My birthday.
A surprise birthday party!
A surprise birthday party?
Oh, you admitted it!
Well, gee, I didn't think
anybody would remember.
Don't tell anybody that I know!
Ok.
Gilligan!
Why did you do that?
I just wanted to tell you something.
Gilligan, will you please get out of here?
Ginger wanted to know
what was happening in here,
but I didn't tell her, but
she thinks she knows
gilligan! Gilligan, out!
Ok, you don't have to be sore about it.
[Sighs]
Hi, gilligan.
Who goes there friend or foe?
It's me, Mary Ann.
Mary Ann who?
Well, how many
Mary Ann's do you know?
Let me see, I know
Mary Ann finglemeyer.
Mary Ann grumschmidt.
Mary Ann dinglehopper.
Oh, gilligan, stop that.
I've gotta get in the supply hut
and get some clothespins for the clothes.
Oh, no. No, you can't go in there.
Don't you remember? This is
wear your dirty shirt week.
Oh, there's something in
there you don't want me to see.
Honest, Mary Ann, I can't tell anyone.
Uh-huh, and if you can't tell anyone,
it must be something for everybody.
Yeah, it's something
for everybody, alright.
A Christmas party!
They've hidden the presents in there!
They have? Oh, boy!
No, wait a minute, Mary Ann
oh, gilligan, you just can't keep a secret.
Hi!
I didn't tap you on the shoulder that time.
Gilligan, I have a good idea for you.
The next time that you have
an urge to come in here,
conquer it!
Out!
Now let's try it again, professor.
Hello there, gilligan.
Halt! Back up and be recognized!
Recognized? Don't be silly.
We're Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
You've met us dozens of times.
Stand aside, young man.
We want to get our sun umbrella.
I'm sorry. No one's allowed in there.
I'll have you know that
you're speaking to a ho well!
I'm sorry. Howells aren't
allowed in there, either.
Thurston, I think I'm going to
have one of my fainting spells.
No, no, lovey. Let me handle this.
Young man, I'll have you know that
the howells are greeted with open arms
at Buckingham Palace, the white house,
and the kremlin, which I must
point out is easy to get into
but murder to get out of.
I'm sorry. No one's
allowed in the supply hut.
Oh, but I must get my parasol.
This tropical sun plays havoc
with delicate complexions.
You're so right, and it isn't good
for your skin, either.
I'll tell you this.
The skipper and the professor
are working on a secret.
[Gasps] I just adore secrets!
I love to hear them,
and I love to tell them.
Well, I'd love to tell you, but I can't.
Oh, and it doesn't matter
because I know anyway.
Egad! You're so right, lovey!
And besides that
Yes, which can only mean
An anniversary party?
I'm going to break out
my best bottle of bubbly.
Oh, it's going to be marvelous.
I know everyone will be there.
Oh, darling, darling ginger,
we have the most
wonderful secret to tell you.
It's about the party.
Oh, gilligan, you promised you
weren't going to tell anyone.
Well, don't worry about
the expense of the gifts.
After all, it's the spirit,
my dear, that counts.
Gifts? Why should I bring a gift
to my own birthday party?
Gilligan, what is the meaning of this?
I'm kinda confused myself.
Please stop fighting.
We're preparing for the Christmas party.
Christmas party? You mean
birthday party.
Anniversary party.
Young man, what have
you got to say for yourself?
Just one thing. What?
Help!
[Meter clicking]
Aren't we close enough, professor?
Skipper, you just write down
the figures as I call them out.
Ok, but talk fast.
Alright.
10 over 16.
9 over 17.
10 over 18.
So you see, gilligan,
there was no radiation
near the meteor at all.
Oh, boy!
However there were
cosmic rays. Oh, boy.
Which aren't as deadly
as interstellar radiation.
Oh, boy!
However, they can kill you. Oh, boy.
Gilligan, can't you say
anything but "oh, boy"?
I could say "oh, girl," but I
don't think it'd sound right.
Oh, please, keep digging.
Now, for goodness sakes,
the professor's got a way
of using these cosmic rays,
and I think he's gonna
get us off the island, right?
This reflective screen I'm
making will focus those cosmic rays
and shoot them straight up into the air.
A weather plane or a
radiation detection station
is bound to spot them, investigate,
and we'll be rescued!
Oh, boy! Skipper.
Yeah, w-well, a skipper's allowed.
You haven't told me
why I'm digging for lead.
Why, to protect ourselves
from the cosmic rays
when we put this screen
around the meteor.
That's right. You see,
we're gonna melt it all down
and dip our clothes into it,
and then they'll be full of lead.
How about that? Instead
of getting the lead out,
we're getting the lead in.
Yes, gilligan. Dig!
Hurry it up, gilligan. If this lead gets cold,
it won't stick to the cloth.
This is the last one.
I'm gonna need more of that lead.
Well, there's plenty over there, professor.
Oh, this thing's really
gonna hold a press.
Let the rest of it cool.
We may need it later.
Hey, skipper, give me a hand with this.
It's awful heavy.
Alright. Have you got this, professor?
I have it.
Let's put it over there
with the other things.
We'd better start getting into our things.
Shoes first.
Skipper: Hey, gilligan,
how'd you get your pants on?
Stand me up and I'll tell you.
Whoo. You fall down,
you break your pants.
Yeah, well, be careful, too.
You might break your neck.
Professor, how're you
gonna walk in these things?
Well, lead is a soft metal.
It'll loosen up as you move around a bit.
By the way, how did you get into them?
Oh, you take the pants,
lay 'em down there,
and then you kinda sit down, kinda
slide in!
I'm afraid it's rather difficult to walk.
This lead makeup sure
feels funny, professor.
Well, we needed to protect
our faces from the cosmic rays.
I feel like Frankenstein.
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Moaning]
Come back here, gilligan!
Cut that out!
We'd better move on.
We're almost there.
Oh, I hope so. These suits
are sure uncomfortable.
But I bet they wear like iron.
Come on, gilligan!
Why, it's wonderful.
It's wonderful!
The count has dropped almost to zero!
You mean it might work?
I think so.
I'd better go tell the others.
Skipper: Gilligan!
Gilligan: Skipper.
Give me a hand.
[Grunting] Gilligan.
Wait, wait, wait!
There's something funny
going on back there.
Oh, well we could use some
laughs, professor. Let's go back.
No, no, no. I don't mean funny funny.
I mean funny strange.
Come on.
Professor, what happened
to the bamboo screen?
Why, I'm afraid to even guess.
I just noticed something.
Look at this tree!
Gilligan, it's just a tree.
Yeah, but a few minutes ago,
it was only 4 feet tall.
What do you mean a few
minutes ago it was only 4 feet tall?
Gilligan, for goodness
no, no, skipper. He's right.
I remember that tree.
He tripped over it.
This is the tree that he tripped
oh, well, professor, what does it mean?
Well, it means we've got
to get rid of that meteor
before it gets rid of us.
Gets rid of us?
Gilligan, those cosmic
rays are so powerful
that they aged that bamboo screen
into sawdust in just a few minutes.
Oh and that tree?
A little while ago that tree was a sapling.
It's now fully grown and will
die of old age within a week!
You mean to say that the cosmic rays
that this meteor puts out
makes things grow older?
Yes, they speed up the life
process at an incredible rate.
You've made me feel older
since you've been talking.
W-W-Well, w-what about the plants
and the trees and the bamboo
And the people?
Uh, I'm afraid that within a week,
we shall all die of old age.
However, the others don't know
about this, so let's not tell them.
I only have one thing to say.
What's that?
Why'd you have to tell me?
Why? Why did you have to tell me?
Why? Why did you have to tell me?
Why'd you have to tell me?
Alright, gilligan! [Clangs]
Professor, this is the worst
spot we've ever been in.
Can't you think of something?
I I am thinking.
Can you think faster?
Are you thinking faster?
Skipper, I am thinking as fast as I can.
Well, it's not fast enough!
You know, I know a way
I could think faster.
How?
If you'd stop telling me to think faster.
[Playing music]
Gilligan, this is no time to be listening
to the radio. Now turn that music off!
Why? After next week, we won't
have time to listen to anything.
Radio: We interrupt this program
for a special weather bulletin.
Gilligan, will you turn that
radio off? You heard me.
No, no, no. Leave it on a minute.
Radio: The storm that was
due to hit Hawaii this morning
has passed to the south and is traveling
in an easterly direction.
It's an electrical storm of such intensity
that it has been lighting
up skies for miles around.
All airlines and ships
have been rerouted.
Oh, great. That's all we need is a storm.
Well, it's not just a storm, skipper.
It's an electrical storm.
You've seen one storm,
you've seen them all.
No, but this one may save us.
This storm can save us?
Well, that meteor out there
is making us grow older every minute.
Now listen, skipper.
Meteorites are composed of metals.
They're made of metals
iron compounds.
Now if that storm
should pass over the island,
it might just possibly destroy it.
Oh, come on.
A storm destroy that meteorite?
Good question.
Thanks, gilligan.
Alright, now listen to me.
We make a lightning rod,
we attach it to the meteorite,
and if just one bolt hits it
oh, professor.
You mean a bolt of lightning strike
what are the odds on that?
Well, a million to one.
Oh, fine. A million to one.
What could be worse than that?
A million to none.
Exactly!
At least it gives us a possibility.
I mean, that's better than nothing.
Yeah. I'll go tell
the others the good news.
No, wait a minute. How can
you tell them the good news
when we haven't told
them the bad news yet?
I mean, that is, unless of course you
me? Why would I do a thing like that?
[Crying] Oh, ginger.
Do I look any older to you?
[Crying] No.
Do I look any older to you?
No.
Oh, we're too young to die of old age.
[Sobbing]
Wait a minute.
What if the professor is wrong?
Hey, yeah. What if he's wrong?
On the other hand, what if he's right?
[Wailing] [Wailing]
[Knocking on door]
Come in.
Ginger, Mary Ann.
I've got some good news.
You have? Good news?
Yeah. There's a big storm
coming this way,
and the professor figured out
a way to destroy the meteorite.
Oh, gilligan, I could kiss you!
Oh, so could I!
Yeah, a bolt of lightning has to hit it.
A bolt of lightning
Has to hit it?
Yeah. The professor's
gonna make a big, big,
long lightning rod
to make the odds better.
And exactly what
will that make the odds?
Million to one.
And you call that good news?
Well, that's better than the bad news.
Oh, gilligan.
You haven't told the
howells about this, have you?
Me? Why would I do a thing like that?
And being of sound mind,
I do hereby bequeath
to my nephew Perry
my favorite Polo pony, sea biscuit,
and my set of set of matched golf clubs,
wing foot, hill crest, and pebble beach,
and the $1.42 his wife Frances owes me
I do hereby negate in full.
Thurston, it makes me
very sad writing your will.
But, dear, we always knew
that one day we'd have to go
to that great safety
deposit box in the sky.
Yes, but after all,
in the past we've always gone first class.
Have you any regrets, dear?
No, my dear.
No, no, perhaps one.
That I won't live to be 100 years old.
Oh, but you will, dear.
You'll be that on Saturday.
How much time do you
think we have left?
Well, gilligan said about a week.
Oh. Only a week.
Oh, the professor'll
simply have to do something.
I can't go. I haven't got a thing to wear!
Professor, shouldn't a lightning rod
be made out of copper
or steel or something?
Yes. Obviously,
the better the conductor,
the better our chances,
but all we have to work with is this lead.
This is the straightest,
longest bamboo pole
I could find, professor.
That's just fine, gilligan.
Now put one end into
this pot and keep turning it.
The lead'll gradually harden on the pole.
Huh. That's it.
Hey, I'm making a leadsicle.
Well, there you are, professor.
The lightning rod's all finished.
Well, just put it down.
Let it cool and harden.
We'll finish the work in the hut.
Alright.
Oh, should I wake up gilligan?
No, he's exhausted.
Just let him stay there.
Professor: Cosmic rays
are speeding up the life cycle,
making everything older.
By the end of the week,
we'll be 50 years older.
Soon we'll all be 50 years older.
50 years older.
50 years older.
50 years older.
[Humming]
Better hurry up, skippy.
You're gonna be late for the party tonight.
Well, don't just stand there, gilligan.
Come over and help me.
Well, hurry it up.
I'm running.
Ungh!
[Grunting]
Pull, gilligan.
Thanks, little buddy. Heh heh heh.
Well, it's hard to realize
this 50th anniversary on this island.
50 years.
One good thing about it
we know everybody at the party.
Heh heh heh heh.
[Gasping]
Well, hand me my cane, gilligan.
Either that cane's getting heavier,
or I'm getting older.
Well, naturally, gilligan.
You're getting older,
so the cane is getting heavier.
Thank you.
Shall we start going?
Lovey, my dear,
help me with my tie, will you?
Oh, yes, of course, thurston.
Come over here.
Thank heavens it's downhill.
There you go, my dear.
Oh, where's your bow tie, thurston?
This is my bow tie.
It's worn out through the years.
Erosion, you know.
[Crackling]
Dear, did you hear all that crackling?
I'm afraid they put too much starch
in your shirt.
Oh, no, that wasn't starch.
It was my arteries hardening!
Noisy little sons of guns, aren't they?
Oh, yes.
Thurston, help me
select a piece of jewelry.
Alright, my dear.
I'll help you.
Oh, this one is just heavy one.
You'll never be able to wear it, my dear.
Oh, nonsense, thurston.
Diamonds are never too heavy.
Put it on me, please.
There you are.
I'll put it on you, my dear.
Oh, it must be terribly uncomfortable.
Oh, on the contrary,
it's a delightful way to get the bends.
Come along, dear.
Tell the truth,
I feel more comfortable that way myself.
Let me get my little hatty.
And away we go!
[Groaning] Out on the town!
Oh, cab! [Groans]
Here, zip me up.
Alright.
Oh, I can't.
What's the matter?
I haven't got enough zip left in my zipper.
Use both your hands.
Alright.
[Grunts] There.
Mary Ann, do you think that anyone
will recognize this dress from last year,
or the year before,
or the year before,
or the year before?
Oh, yes, I know.
You don't have to go
over the last 50 years.
50 years? Please!
It's not a day over 30.
Oh, I forgot.
We started subtracting 10 years ago.
Professor: Yo ho! Yo ho!
Are you ladies dressed?
Oh, I I thought the skipper and gilligan
were coming to call for us.
Well, it was too far for them to walk.
Why, you ladies certainly look
as beautiful as ever tonight.
[Chuckles] Professor,
I bet you say that to all the girls.
Mary Ann, we are all the girls.
Well, if you're ready,
let's go to the party.
I'm ready.
I'm ready, too.
Alright, if each one
of you will take an arm,
I think that I'll be able to make it.
[Laughing together]
[Indistinct chattering]
I'd like to quiet! Ooh!
Quiet! I'd like to propose a toast
to our 50th anniversary.
30th!
Anyone for 25?
25!
I won't argue the point. I'm a gentleman,
but it's it's 50 that we've been here.
Alright now, here's a toast to the island.
I raise my cup of grog.
Though life hasn't been easy here,
at least we've been out of the smog.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, thurston, you haven't
lost your touch.
Oh, let's have some music.
Yeah, let's dance.
Come on, ginger. Let's dance!
Come on, professor, move!
Get up here, girly.
Round in a bit of a twirl.
Old man on radio: We
interrupt this program
for a special weather bulletin.
The storm is about to hit this area
at any moment.
[Thunder rumbling]
See?
And it looks like a real fish-wiper.
[Thunder rumbling]
The storm is here!
[Thunder rumbling]
Lightning rod
Got to get it into the meteor!
Help!
[Gilligan screaming]
Something's happening
to my little buddy!
Little buddy, are you alright?
Yeah, I'm ok, but I lost the lightning rod!
It flew out of my hands,
and I don't know where it went!
Look! Look at the meteor!
Gilligan,
the meteor disintegrated!
Not only that, it broke
into a million pieces!
Yes!
Well, I just told
the others the good news.
Not a trace of cosmic rays!
Well, that's wonderful, professor!
That's the best news I ever heard.
Gilligan, you've been
looking at that mirror
for the last 10 minutes!
I know.
I don't think I look bad
for a man of 72.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make ♪
the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone ♪no lights ♪
no motor cars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪