Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e34 Episode Script
The Chan Who Knew Too Much
1
English tour guide:
Right this way, please.
Prepare to gaze upon
england's greatest mystery.
Stonehenge lies
just beyond that hill.
Who assembled
these massive stones,
and why? No one knows.
But one thing is certain.
Stonehenge shall
forever be--whoa!
(Gasps)
Missing?
There it is.
Your very own
fax machine.
I do not need
such a device, Jackie.
Uncle gets all his facts
from books.
Not facts, uncle. Fax.
It can transmit
and receive documents
electronically.
It sends paper
through the telephone.
This could
take a while.
Here. I will
show you.
Jade, please
find something
we can fax.
How 'bout the news?
Whoa. Check it out.
"Stonehenge disappears."
Come on.
This sounds like a job
for Jackie chan.
No, it does not.
While I am
very concerned
about this theft
as an archaeologist,
I am an archaeologist,
and this is a job
for the proper
authorities.
Oh!
Besides, we already
have an exciting mission
planned.
We do?
I am taking you
overseas
on a real live
archaeological dig!
Here.
Your very own set
of excavation
brushes.
Oh, Joy.
Jade: England?!
I can't believe this.
The stonehenge crime scene
is 50 miles from here,
and you don't even want
to check it out?
Look, Jade. A button.
Jackie, everybody knows
stonehenge has magical powers.
What if it's fallen
into the wrong hands?
Some people think
stonehenge is magic,
but some people think
it is a beacon
for signaling
alien spaceships.
No one knows what
stonehenge does, Jade,
if it even does
anything at all.
Hmmph!
Besides,
what wrong hands
are you talking about?
Evil organizations
are not hiding behind
every cornerrrr!
Jackie?
ner!
All, chanting:
Ad nocendum potentes sumo!
Ex metu, vires
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Uh, hello.
Uh, sorry
to interrupt
your function.
I will just
find my way--
thou knoweth too much.
Thou must be smoten.
(Gasp)
Wait. I do not
knoweth anything.
(All chanting
in whispers)
Aah!
He seeketh to learn
the mysteries
of our fortress.
He hath spied
the secret library!
Um, library?
What library?
Uhh! Oh!
He hath discovered
the hidden armory.
I'm just looking
for an exit!
Aah! He has hath entered
the private
water closet.
He is privy
to our privy.
(Cell phone rings)
Aah!
Hello?
Where did you go?
I've been looking
all over.
Did you know
this place has, like,
a million
secret passages?
Aah!
- Aah!
Whoa. Who are they?
(Chanting in whispers)
I have no idea.
They must be some kind
of secret society.
An ancient one,
judging by the way
they spoke.
Cool. Taking on these
magical mystery men
almost makes up
for missing out
on the stonehenge caper.
We're not taking on anybody.
These, uh, people,
should also be handled
by the proper authorities.
Captain black?
Jackie. How's england?
Dangerous.
I fell into
a hidden fortress,
and men in robes
attacked me with magic spel--
don't! Oh, no.
The "m" word,
Jackie.
My superiors
already think
I'm cracking up,
and they're
istening-lay
to my onecalls-fay.
But--
sounds like that
went well.
(Scoffs)
We'll probably never
see those wizards again,
any--wha!
Yon knave telleth others
of the magisters.
Magisters?
He knoweth our name.
He just said it!
(Chanting)
Aah!
(Chanting)
Oh!
Go find the
Proper authorities.
Help. Bad guys are
attacking my uncle.
Come on!
Um, hello?
Hot! Hot! Hot!
What kind of
proper authority
are you?
(Groaning)
Jackie!
Uhh. Ee-yaa!
Tour guide:
Right this wayI think.
I've only ever done
stonehenge, you know,
and since it's
gone missing,
I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy
on the rest of england.
We must away,
lest more outsiders
learneth of our
existence.
Well, we know one thing
about these guys.
They like tacky jewelry.
I don't suppose
either one of you
knows the way
to big Ben?
(Snoring)
Now all we do
is fax it to uncle.
Maybe research
is a bad idea.
If they are after us
because of what we know,
do we really want
to know more?
(Scoffs)
They're hiding
something, Jackie,
and we gotta
find out what.
(Fax machine ringing)
Hello?
(Fax transmission beeping)
Huh?!
Ee-yaa! Ee-yaa!
Tohru! The giant phone
is possessed!
Jade: Transmission
interrupted?
I do not think
this is going to work.
Thou hast faxed
our insignia.
It didn't
go through.
(Chanting in whispers)
All: Aah! The light
Whither didst they goeth?
Oh. Officer!
Right. What seems
to be the problem,
then?
Ok, this is gonna sound
a little crazy,
but these robed
magister guys are
hunting us down and--
say no more.
You're safe now.
See, Jade?
We just needed
a little help
from the proper
Authorities?
Thou knoweth too much.
(Both gasp)
(Car starts, idles)
Mayhaps we ought
sojourn to someplace
more private.
Uhh!
Jade, I told you to--
oh.
- Aah!
Aah!
(Siren blaring)
Give us the key.
Jade. Please
give us the key!
(Whistling)
(Policeman whistles)
(Policeman whistles)
Yon twain
knoweth too much.
No, we don't.
These guys
are everywhere.
Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Being handcuffed
together is cool.
Unh!
Unh!
Sometimes.
Halt!
Ye shalt be smoten
posthaste.
This way. Aah!
This way. Aah!
Ok.
- Ok.
Uhh!
- Uhh!
Forget stonehenge.
This adventure rules,
Jackie!
We should leave before--
methinks yon varlet
wisheth to challenge us
in armed combat.
What?
No! I don't wisheth that
at alleth.
Have at thee!
Jackie!
Aah!
(Creaking sound)
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
You don't say.
Aah! Unh!
Oh.
I know your
magic words.
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
E x metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
(Laughing)
Come on already!
Ye twain knoweth nothing
of our magicks.
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
Smite them.
All: Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires
Whoa!
Aah!
We have to get help
before they find us again.
(Scoffs)
From who?
We're fresh out
of proper authorities.
Anybody here could be
another magister.
Captain black
has magic issues.
The only one
who will help us
is uncle,
and he can't even use
a fax machine.
You're right.
We are on our own,
so we had better find out
exactly what they don't
want us to know.
Let's hope
they don't notice
the missing robes.
Relax. This is probably
the only place in england
where they aren't
looking for us.
"The brotherhood
of magisters
"was founded during
the dark ages,
"when their magic
inspired fear.
"But as science progressed,
their magic was eclipsed
"by the wonders
of technology,
and their power declined."
But what are they
up to now?
Uh, Jackie?
The wizards
stole stonehenge?
Told you it has
magic powers.
Uncle?
Uncle: Jackie?!
This machine is evil.
I am performing
a cleansing spell.
More seaweed, tohru.
Uncle, please listen.
Evil wizards have
stolen stonehenge,
and--
(Gasps)
Jackie?
Let go!
Deny it no further.
Thou knoweth too much.
Well, duh. We do now.
And thou shalt pay
for such knowledge
with thine lives.
Since ye twain dost
knoweth too much already,
I shalt reveal unto thee
what no man knoweth--
the true usage
of stonehenge.
Uh, if you don't tell us,
will we still have
to be smoten?
We magisters hath learnt
yon stonehenge
to be a magical weapon
of mass destruction.
(Scoffs)
And some people think
it's a beacon
for signaling
alien spaceships.
Ha ha ha.
Thou art ignorant
and doomed.
Let the magicks begin.
With the power
of stonehenge,
we shalt destroy
thine major cities
one by one.
Thine loathsome
modern world
shalt plunge
into a new dark age,
which we magisters
shalt rule once more.
All, chanting: Ad nocendum
potentes sumos
The fiery blast
we conjureth
shalt broil
yon London town.
(Others chanting)
For somebody who likes
his privacy,
this dude is such
a blabbermouth.
Maybe I can
(Strained groan)
Break theseChains.
And just in case you can't
Hey, Jackie.
(Strained groan)
Yes, Jade?
(Loud click)
Did I ever thank you
for these?
Let them escapeth not.
Jackie: Get help.
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Aah!
Ok, let's try this
one more time.
Uncle, evil wizards
stole stonehenge and--
Jackie told me,
so we did research.
Jade, the wizards
are called magisters.
I know.
One more thing.
The society
is very secretive.
I know.
One more thing.
They use magic words
to cast spells.
I know.
One more thing.
Bad day. Bad day.
Bad day.
Ach!
Ye doest more harm
than good.
Thou.
Destroy yon knave
by your hand.
Whoa!
Oh.
Oh! Uhh-unh.
Uncle, on phone:
And begin a new dark age.
One more thing.
No. No more things.
I already know
all that stuff.
The only thing
I don't know is how
to stop stonehenge
from leveling London
and Jackie.
Why did you not say so?
Magic must defeat magic.
(Uncle chanting over phone)
Uncle?
I may not knoweth
any magicks,
but I know uncle.
(Chanting)
He can understand
sending a spell
through the phone,
but not a piece
of paper?
Oh!
- Ow!
- Ooh!
Yon spell must
be finished.
Ex metu, vires! Unh!
London town
be not destroyed?
Then what dost
this stonehenge doeth?!
Put your hands
in the air.
Whoa! Who are
these guys?
The proper
authorities?
With your testimony,
Mr. chan,
interpol should
be able to lock up
these magisters
for some time.
I will tell you
everything I know.
Well, Jade,
your wish came true.
You helped solve
the mystery
of stonehenge.
Yeah, but I still
wanna know
what it's
supposed to do.
We may never know,
Jade.
Hey, Jackie,
how do you keep up
with all your work?
I love movies.
I love my work.
The things just
keep coming, keep coming,
keep coming.
We have I don't know
how many restaurants
in China,
Hong Kong, in Japan.
I have a camera team.
I have my stunt team.
I have been working
on so many scripts.
4 movies. Dubbing
and filming myself. Idea.
So many things.
So many projects.
Yes, I'm sometimes tired,
but I'm happy.
English tour guide:
Right this way, please.
Prepare to gaze upon
england's greatest mystery.
Stonehenge lies
just beyond that hill.
Who assembled
these massive stones,
and why? No one knows.
But one thing is certain.
Stonehenge shall
forever be--whoa!
(Gasps)
Missing?
There it is.
Your very own
fax machine.
I do not need
such a device, Jackie.
Uncle gets all his facts
from books.
Not facts, uncle. Fax.
It can transmit
and receive documents
electronically.
It sends paper
through the telephone.
This could
take a while.
Here. I will
show you.
Jade, please
find something
we can fax.
How 'bout the news?
Whoa. Check it out.
"Stonehenge disappears."
Come on.
This sounds like a job
for Jackie chan.
No, it does not.
While I am
very concerned
about this theft
as an archaeologist,
I am an archaeologist,
and this is a job
for the proper
authorities.
Oh!
Besides, we already
have an exciting mission
planned.
We do?
I am taking you
overseas
on a real live
archaeological dig!
Here.
Your very own set
of excavation
brushes.
Oh, Joy.
Jade: England?!
I can't believe this.
The stonehenge crime scene
is 50 miles from here,
and you don't even want
to check it out?
Look, Jade. A button.
Jackie, everybody knows
stonehenge has magical powers.
What if it's fallen
into the wrong hands?
Some people think
stonehenge is magic,
but some people think
it is a beacon
for signaling
alien spaceships.
No one knows what
stonehenge does, Jade,
if it even does
anything at all.
Hmmph!
Besides,
what wrong hands
are you talking about?
Evil organizations
are not hiding behind
every cornerrrr!
Jackie?
ner!
All, chanting:
Ad nocendum potentes sumo!
Ex metu, vires
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Uh, hello.
Uh, sorry
to interrupt
your function.
I will just
find my way--
thou knoweth too much.
Thou must be smoten.
(Gasp)
Wait. I do not
knoweth anything.
(All chanting
in whispers)
Aah!
He seeketh to learn
the mysteries
of our fortress.
He hath spied
the secret library!
Um, library?
What library?
Uhh! Oh!
He hath discovered
the hidden armory.
I'm just looking
for an exit!
Aah! He has hath entered
the private
water closet.
He is privy
to our privy.
(Cell phone rings)
Aah!
Hello?
Where did you go?
I've been looking
all over.
Did you know
this place has, like,
a million
secret passages?
Aah!
- Aah!
Whoa. Who are they?
(Chanting in whispers)
I have no idea.
They must be some kind
of secret society.
An ancient one,
judging by the way
they spoke.
Cool. Taking on these
magical mystery men
almost makes up
for missing out
on the stonehenge caper.
We're not taking on anybody.
These, uh, people,
should also be handled
by the proper authorities.
Captain black?
Jackie. How's england?
Dangerous.
I fell into
a hidden fortress,
and men in robes
attacked me with magic spel--
don't! Oh, no.
The "m" word,
Jackie.
My superiors
already think
I'm cracking up,
and they're
istening-lay
to my onecalls-fay.
But--
sounds like that
went well.
(Scoffs)
We'll probably never
see those wizards again,
any--wha!
Yon knave telleth others
of the magisters.
Magisters?
He knoweth our name.
He just said it!
(Chanting)
Aah!
(Chanting)
Oh!
Go find the
Proper authorities.
Help. Bad guys are
attacking my uncle.
Come on!
Um, hello?
Hot! Hot! Hot!
What kind of
proper authority
are you?
(Groaning)
Jackie!
Uhh. Ee-yaa!
Tour guide:
Right this wayI think.
I've only ever done
stonehenge, you know,
and since it's
gone missing,
I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy
on the rest of england.
We must away,
lest more outsiders
learneth of our
existence.
Well, we know one thing
about these guys.
They like tacky jewelry.
I don't suppose
either one of you
knows the way
to big Ben?
(Snoring)
Now all we do
is fax it to uncle.
Maybe research
is a bad idea.
If they are after us
because of what we know,
do we really want
to know more?
(Scoffs)
They're hiding
something, Jackie,
and we gotta
find out what.
(Fax machine ringing)
Hello?
(Fax transmission beeping)
Huh?!
Ee-yaa! Ee-yaa!
Tohru! The giant phone
is possessed!
Jade: Transmission
interrupted?
I do not think
this is going to work.
Thou hast faxed
our insignia.
It didn't
go through.
(Chanting in whispers)
All: Aah! The light
Whither didst they goeth?
Oh. Officer!
Right. What seems
to be the problem,
then?
Ok, this is gonna sound
a little crazy,
but these robed
magister guys are
hunting us down and--
say no more.
You're safe now.
See, Jade?
We just needed
a little help
from the proper
Authorities?
Thou knoweth too much.
(Both gasp)
(Car starts, idles)
Mayhaps we ought
sojourn to someplace
more private.
Uhh!
Jade, I told you to--
oh.
- Aah!
Aah!
(Siren blaring)
Give us the key.
Jade. Please
give us the key!
(Whistling)
(Policeman whistles)
(Policeman whistles)
Yon twain
knoweth too much.
No, we don't.
These guys
are everywhere.
Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Being handcuffed
together is cool.
Unh!
Unh!
Sometimes.
Halt!
Ye shalt be smoten
posthaste.
This way. Aah!
This way. Aah!
Ok.
- Ok.
Uhh!
- Uhh!
Forget stonehenge.
This adventure rules,
Jackie!
We should leave before--
methinks yon varlet
wisheth to challenge us
in armed combat.
What?
No! I don't wisheth that
at alleth.
Have at thee!
Jackie!
Aah!
(Creaking sound)
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
You don't say.
Aah! Unh!
Oh.
I know your
magic words.
Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
E x metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
(Laughing)
Come on already!
Ye twain knoweth nothing
of our magicks.
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
Smite them.
All: Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires
Whoa!
Aah!
We have to get help
before they find us again.
(Scoffs)
From who?
We're fresh out
of proper authorities.
Anybody here could be
another magister.
Captain black
has magic issues.
The only one
who will help us
is uncle,
and he can't even use
a fax machine.
You're right.
We are on our own,
so we had better find out
exactly what they don't
want us to know.
Let's hope
they don't notice
the missing robes.
Relax. This is probably
the only place in england
where they aren't
looking for us.
"The brotherhood
of magisters
"was founded during
the dark ages,
"when their magic
inspired fear.
"But as science progressed,
their magic was eclipsed
"by the wonders
of technology,
and their power declined."
But what are they
up to now?
Uh, Jackie?
The wizards
stole stonehenge?
Told you it has
magic powers.
Uncle?
Uncle: Jackie?!
This machine is evil.
I am performing
a cleansing spell.
More seaweed, tohru.
Uncle, please listen.
Evil wizards have
stolen stonehenge,
and--
(Gasps)
Jackie?
Let go!
Deny it no further.
Thou knoweth too much.
Well, duh. We do now.
And thou shalt pay
for such knowledge
with thine lives.
Since ye twain dost
knoweth too much already,
I shalt reveal unto thee
what no man knoweth--
the true usage
of stonehenge.
Uh, if you don't tell us,
will we still have
to be smoten?
We magisters hath learnt
yon stonehenge
to be a magical weapon
of mass destruction.
(Scoffs)
And some people think
it's a beacon
for signaling
alien spaceships.
Ha ha ha.
Thou art ignorant
and doomed.
Let the magicks begin.
With the power
of stonehenge,
we shalt destroy
thine major cities
one by one.
Thine loathsome
modern world
shalt plunge
into a new dark age,
which we magisters
shalt rule once more.
All, chanting: Ad nocendum
potentes sumos
The fiery blast
we conjureth
shalt broil
yon London town.
(Others chanting)
For somebody who likes
his privacy,
this dude is such
a blabbermouth.
Maybe I can
(Strained groan)
Break theseChains.
And just in case you can't
Hey, Jackie.
(Strained groan)
Yes, Jade?
(Loud click)
Did I ever thank you
for these?
Let them escapeth not.
Jackie: Get help.
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Aah!
Ok, let's try this
one more time.
Uncle, evil wizards
stole stonehenge and--
Jackie told me,
so we did research.
Jade, the wizards
are called magisters.
I know.
One more thing.
The society
is very secretive.
I know.
One more thing.
They use magic words
to cast spells.
I know.
One more thing.
Bad day. Bad day.
Bad day.
Ach!
Ye doest more harm
than good.
Thou.
Destroy yon knave
by your hand.
Whoa!
Oh.
Oh! Uhh-unh.
Uncle, on phone:
And begin a new dark age.
One more thing.
No. No more things.
I already know
all that stuff.
The only thing
I don't know is how
to stop stonehenge
from leveling London
and Jackie.
Why did you not say so?
Magic must defeat magic.
(Uncle chanting over phone)
Uncle?
I may not knoweth
any magicks,
but I know uncle.
(Chanting)
He can understand
sending a spell
through the phone,
but not a piece
of paper?
Oh!
- Ow!
- Ooh!
Yon spell must
be finished.
Ex metu, vires! Unh!
London town
be not destroyed?
Then what dost
this stonehenge doeth?!
Put your hands
in the air.
Whoa! Who are
these guys?
The proper
authorities?
With your testimony,
Mr. chan,
interpol should
be able to lock up
these magisters
for some time.
I will tell you
everything I know.
Well, Jade,
your wish came true.
You helped solve
the mystery
of stonehenge.
Yeah, but I still
wanna know
what it's
supposed to do.
We may never know,
Jade.
Hey, Jackie,
how do you keep up
with all your work?
I love movies.
I love my work.
The things just
keep coming, keep coming,
keep coming.
We have I don't know
how many restaurants
in China,
Hong Kong, in Japan.
I have a camera team.
I have my stunt team.
I have been working
on so many scripts.
4 movies. Dubbing
and filming myself. Idea.
So many things.
So many projects.
Yes, I'm sometimes tired,
but I'm happy.