Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e35 Episode Script

1
Uncle: Ha-cha!
I see the mansion!
All the treasures
of the entire estate
will soon be in my shop.
Uncle has made
- the deal of the century.
This place is like
Chinese transylvania!
Cool!
You have seen
too many movies, Jade.
Jade? Jade?!
Boo!
Gah!
Heh heh.
Hello, tohru.
Creep-o-rama.
Betcha it's crawling
with mummies
Or wolfmenOr vampires!
Sorry, Jade,
but monsters like that
do not--
aah! Wolfman!
Wolfman!
Jade, run!
Tch, from a rug?
You have come
for the antiques, yes?
Oh, you should not
sneak up on people
like--
greetings.
Aah!
Don't do that!
I'm Mr. lam,
executor of the estate.
My assistant will
load the acquisitions
onto your cart
while you render
payment.
Not so fast!
I must first
appraise the items.
I do not want my shop
to be full of junk.
Then how'd it get
so full of junk?
Be assured
all the heirlooms
are of the finest
quality.
Then you will not mind
if I take time
to examine them.
They have already been--
not by me they haven't.
You have my word that--
even so, I would--
just take them and--
I will do no such--
please.
No.
But--
no.
But--
no!
I will
- appraise everything,
or purchase nothing!
The customer's always right.
We will settle your account
when you're satisfied.
Enjoy your stay
in tsong tse manor.
Perhaps we should
warn them.
Do not be foolish.
If they knew what was hidden
among those relics,
they would never
take it off our hands.
This mansion is a gold mine!
We must begin work at once.
Every last item is--
spookyriffic.
Aah!
Can you believe
we get to spend the night?
Yes, Jade.
And can you believe
it is past your--
bedtime!
Aah!
We creatures of the night
never sleep.
(Evil laughter,
giggles)
Jade!
Gotta give Jackie
one last scare
before bed.
Perfect.
Jackie: You are not going
to scare me, Jade!
So don't even try!
Jade?
This isn't
a coffee table.
It's a coffin table!
Cool! But why would
a coffin have a lock?
Jackie!
Jackie!
There's
a vampire--aah!
I told you
you would not scare me.
It was a real vampire,
Jackie,
with fangs and claws,
and it tried to grab me,
but I slammed the lid,
and it's trapped inside the--
(gasps)
Vampire on the loose!
We gotta get outta here.
Ok, aah. I am so scared.
Now will you go to bed?
Jackie, I'm totally serious.
There's a real--aah!
There it goes!
But it was--
Jade, please--
it's late, and--
- look!
It--
I'm sure this is very funny
to you, Jade, but--
Jackie, look!
He's right--please--
Jade!
- Just--
you said that last--
no.
I've had enough.
But--
no "buts."
Bed.
Jackie, uncle is ready
to begin the appraisals.
(Growling)
Jackie?
Hello?
(Muffled noises)
Jackie?
(Growling)
(Gasps)
(Moaning)
You can't leave me alone!
Don't you ever watch
scary movies?!
The beautiful girl is
always the first to--
(thud)
I'm sure it was just
a little thunder, Jade.
Now--
ohh.
The vampire got tohru!
Hmm. No.
Jet lag got tohru.
Our flight was
18 hours long, Jade.
He is tired.
(Moaning)
Hello! Does this look
like "tired" to you?!
How can uncle appraise
with no helpers
and so much yell--
(gasps)
Aiya!
Jackie, guard the door
in case it returns.
"It"?
Hidden inside
of an antique,
Mr. lam tried
to trick us
into taking it.
What is "it"?
A kiang chi.
A vampire.
Told ya.
Did a little monster
put you up to this?
Chinese vampire drain chi--
life energy from their prey,
making the vampire stronger
and turning their victims
into servant.
Without any chi,
tohru will soon transform
into a fiendish Minion
of darkness!
We must perform
a chi transfusion.
Transfusion? You want
to put someone else's chi
in tohru's body?
Tch, where are you
gonna find someone
with that much extra--whoa!
You have abundant
youthful energy--
chi to spare.
It is the only way
to prevent tohru
from serving the undead.
(Chanting in Chinese)
Cool.
Are you sure
it is not jet lag?
I have not seen
this vamp--aah!
Aah!
Oh, thank you, tohru.
I just slam-dunked
a chi-sucker.
I rule!
Go, tohru!
Go, tohru!
I'm the bomb!
Hmm. It appears
the chi transfusion
was successful.
Go, Jade! Go, Jade!
Lotta-chi girl
saving tohru!
(Growling)
It can fly?
Not for long it--aw!
This is
a Chinese vampire.
A wooden stick
will not harm it.
Then how
do we stop--
(growling)
Whoa!
Do not breathe.
The kiang chi is blind.
It can only find you
if it smells
your breath.
You are making this--
(Gasps)
Gi-gi-gi--
gi-ee!
Ah-choo!
Aah!
Unh!
(Gasps)
- No!
Jade!
Give it back, you chi-hog!
Whoa!
Unh!
So unfair.
Hurry uncle
uncle, you have to perform
another transfusion.
(Moaning)
Jade cannot
hold her breath.
The vampire will
follow her
and find us.
Then let's roll!
We will be safe
on the other side
of the river.
The kiang chi
cannot cross
running water.
Where are you getting
these rules from?
(Chanting in Chinese)
(Chanting stops)
Cart surfing!
(Chanting)
Whoa!
Aah!
Oops.
(Chanting)
(Moaning) Huh?
The transfusion spell
is com--
hello! Duck!
(Moaning)
Uncle!
Hang on! We're almost
There.
How are we gonna save uncle
without uncle?
We must do research.
You've gotta
be kidding me.
He's starting to go
all fangy.
(Moaning)
Uncle is turning into
the vampire's Minion.
Use my chi
for the transfusion.
Ow!
I do not know such spells.
Jade has uncle's chi,
not his brains.
(Moaning)
Ok, he's, like, really
freaking me out now.
Ha-cha!
You found a spell?
No, but I know
how to get our chi
back from the vampire.
Later, we need
- a transfusion spell now.
Uh, actually
I think we just
ran out of time.
I will vanquish you
and feed your
chi to my master.
Aiya!
He is a servant
to the vampire.
Duh!
Uncle,
we are your friends,
your family,
and I know you
do not want to harm--
uncle, we will not
fight you.
(Snarling)
Aah!
- Unh!
Tch, like he's
giving us a choice.
You must keep him busy
while I learn how
to subdue him.
My master will feast
upon your chi.
Please, learn fast!
(Yelling)
Whoa! Oof!
Unh.
Ha-cha!
Remember books,
uncle?
You love books.
Ha-cha!
As long
as the parchment spell
is in place,
uncle cannot move.
You are doomed!
Aah!
One more thing--
he can still talk.
You may have defeated
the servant,
but you shall never
defeat the master.
The glorious one
will devour
every last bit
of your delicious chi.
Shoulda put that paper
over his mouth.
We must all reclaim our chi
before sunrise,
or it will belong
to the vampire forever.
You mean,
I'd be stuck
in Jade mode?
You would rather have
uncle's chi?!
I cannot stop thinking
about digestion!
Then my master
will drink you dry.
Drink you--
(Muffled)
How do we
take back the chi?
Easy,
we just hunt down
count jerkula and--
no! Magic must
defeat magic.
We must
collect a toadstool
from a graveyard,
place it inside
the vampire's left sock,
and throw the sock
into a river.
You're making this up.
You want to stop
the kiang chi, yes?
Then do what Jade tells you!
One more thing--
we must hurry.
The sunrise is
in 13 minutes.
Come on, Jackie.
It's vampire butt-kick time.
This is too weird.
Quickly, Jackie.
We must
find the toadstool
before the vampire
finds us.
Boo!
Aah!
Heh heh.
Couldn't help
myself.
It is my master
who will help himself
to a heaping helping
of your succulent chi.
Ha-cha! I have found
a toadstool!
Now, we just
have to find the--
tohru, please
stop playing.
Aah!
Jackie!
- The vampire!
Master!
I see you.
You can see?!
You can talk?!
With so much chi
to nourish me,
I have grown stronger.
I can
withstand anything,
even the light of day.
(Grunting)
Huh?
Got it!
The other left sock,
tohru.
Oops.
Excellent kick,
o dark one.
Whoa!
Master! I have fallen
And I cannot get up.
In moments,
the collective chi
will be mine for--huh?!
Heh heh. Nice shoe.
(Growling)
Jade may have
uncle's chi,
but Jade is still Jade.
Boo!
Hyah!
(Chanting)
We knocked
your socks off
(sniffing)
Eww!
(Sniffing) Master,
is that your sock?
(Screaming)
Cool!
Who stuck
special parchment
to uncle's head?!
Um, maybe you should
get out of the sun.
So everybody's chi is
back where it belongs?
Thank you
for the loan, Jade.
It wasCool.
No problem, big t,
but I don't think uncle
got all his chi back.
I have this monster craving
for mung beans.
I am just glad
this horrible trip
is over.
Horrible?!
What do you mean,
"horrible"?!
Because of the kiang chi,
uncle bargained Mr. lam
down to half price.
And he threw in
a very nice table
for no extra charge.
Hey, Jackie,
why do you think
it's so important
to be defensive
rather than offensive?
On the bus,
somebody come to grab you--
bom! Always defense.
When they touch you,
you just turn, turn.
You know, protect.
Everything to protect.
It's better
than fight somebody,
because
for one small argument,
you hurt somebody.
You never happy
in your whole life.
So that's why in my movie,
you can see there's a lot
of protect things.
In the real life
Defense better than
To hit somebody.
Remember. Yeah.