Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s02e38 Episode Script
I'll Be a Monkey's Puppet
1
Jade: But, Jackie,
I can't take first prize
at the talent show
if I don't
have a talent.
Jade, you have
a fine talent
For getting
into trouble.
Har har.
How about music?
(Plays recorder off-key)
Ugh!
Drill team?
Oof!
Archery?
Perhaps something
less hazardous to my health
(Gasps)
Like ventriloquism.
Huh?
Uncle's not going
to like this.
Jade,
it's a monkey king!
A what?
Man: The monkey king
A most revered character
from ancient folklore.
Only $20.
Uh, I don't know,
he's kinda creepy-looking.
You're not
so cute yourself!
Aah!
You know how
to throw your voice?
Jackie as puppet:
Jackie won
a few talent shows
when
he was your age.
You gotta teach me,
Jackie!
No finer puppet
with which to learn.
This hand-carved
specimen
is the only one
of its kind.
We will take it.
(Sinister laugh)
Uncle: You bought this
from my competition?!
Hey, it broke.
Because it is junk!
Kai ching
steals my business
by selling
cheap trinkets.
But Kai ching said
it was one of a kind.
Ow! Ow!
And that is 2 of a kind
to teach you
that bringing
my competitor's goods
into my shop
invites bad chi.
One more thing,
do you see any
monkey kings in here? No?!
That is because
the monkey king is known
for his love of mischief.
And he is creepy-looking.
Uncle, please.
It is only a puppet,
and Jade's talent show
is tomorrow.
You will be sorry.
Come on, you!
Here, Jade.
Let me
monkey with it.
Hmm.
An inscription--
"to free me of glitches
and put you in stitches,
"this merry ape begs
pull my leg."
Go for it.
(Sinister laugh)
(All gasp)
I'm free!
Greetings,
kiddies!
The monkey king
is in the house!
Sorry, no autographs.
Nice sumo!
Is he house-trained?
Grrrr!
What have you done with--
(all gasp)
Jackie!
No! No, no, no!
(Mock crying)
What have you
done with him,
you dirty apes?
Apes?
- Oh. That would be me.
Ha ha ha. Oh, I'm
just pulling your leg.
Jackie pulled mine,
and that's why
he's where he is today:
A proud graduate of
Marionette u!
Congratulations,
you little dummy, you.
Jackie is
not a dummy!
Change him back!
Well, I could, I suppose,
but one of us would have
to stay stuck in dollsville,
and I ain't
never going back!
Besides,
as the mandrake of mirth,
the madcap of monkeys--
don't confuse me with
that other monkey king, Kong--
I have a long list
of pranks to pull!
Ta-ta.
Tohru, stop him!
Gladly, sensei.
Jackie, say something!
See what happens when
you do not listen to uncle.
(Bell rings)
Monkey king:
Special delivery!
Oh, please do not laugh.
We are dealing with
a very sick mind.
Uncle, you have
to do something!
I am not geppetto!
I do not bring
puppets to life!
You're a genius!
Well, thank you.
The rat talisman brings
motion to the motionless.
This oughta get Jackie
back on his feet.
Well, it's a start.
Jackie: What? What is it?
UhNothing!
Do not look in mirror.
Bwaaaaa!
I told you not
to look in mirror!
He never listens.
I am a puppet!
A living puppet!
Not for long.
We're gonna find
puff the magic monkey
and make him
undo this hoodoo.
A row of ducks.
Always good
for big yuks!
Babalu
how do you know
the monkey king went this way?
Just following
the breadcrumbs.
Whoa.
Did I do that?
(Ship's horn blares)
I'm king of the world!
Aah!
Glacier!
Don't touch the fur!
I'm royalty.
Give me back my body!
Aah! The puppet!
It spoke!
Say.
How do you do that?
I didn't get to talk
when I was wood.
We'll see what we can do,
your majesty,
if you switch places
with Jackie.
So soon?
I hate to quit
When I'm on a roll.
(Gasps)
You've gotta be joking!
Joking is
all he does.
Both: Bwaaaaaa!
Aahhhhh!
Come on!
(Groans)
Ha ha ha ha!
(Both panting)
(Both sigh)
Alley oop!
Whoaaaa!
Uhh!
(Gasp)
(Gasp)
Both: Noooooo!
Ooh, instant replay!
Jade, wait here.
Whoa!
Knucklehead talks
and rocks!
Go, Jackie.
Mayday! Mayday!
Bwaaaa!
Look out!
Look out! Look out!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
(Pants)
Why have your doughnut dry
when you can dunk?!
Jackie?!
(Coughs)
(Laughs)
Oh, that was rich!
A classic monkeyshine!
Ha ha ha!
All right, chimp,
you've had your fun.
There is nothing comical
about endangering lives.
Ha ha ha ha--
there isn't?
You two aren't kidding,
are you?
You want to stop
the laughter,
and I just can't
let that happen!
Ok, we tried
reasoning with you.
No more Mr. nice guy.
Jackie, it's time
to give happy boy
a heapin' helpin'
of the ancient art
of butt whoop!
If it's
a punch-and-Judy show
you want
(Whistles)
Boys
Cook his goose!
Wait! I have
no quarrel with you!
Aah!
Tag team!
Whoa!
Huh?
Dance, little monkey,
dance!
Jackie!
Ooh. That's got to hurt.
Only my pride.
Now, students,
what have we
learned today?
You don't want to put
the king of comedy
in a bad humor!
Tohru: Hold still.
Let's hear it
for detachable parts.
Jackie, do you wish
some wax to restore
your shine?
No, thank you!
I do not plan on
being wooden much longer!
Isn't that right,
uncle?
Patience, Jackie.
Huh?! At this rate,
I will be a puppet
forever!
I do not want
to collect dust
in your shop window,
uncle!
Shouldn't we just ask
Kai ching if he knows
of a remedy?
What?!
Kai ching is the reason
you are in this kettle
of fish to begin with.
Well, that is
exactly my point.
You want me to grovel
to that snake oil salesman?!
Never!
I have everything I need
to research an antidote
for you right here,
thank you.
I say we see
that chuckling chimp
about an antidote!
We have had enough
monkey business, Jade!
And you need
to go to school.
But, Jackie,
this is way more
important
than anything
going on at schoo--
(gasps)
The talent show!
It's today!
I have to win!
First prize is a trip
to moose world, Florida!
What am I gonna do?
Oh, no.
No! No no no!
Um
A horse walks
into a doctor's office.
The doctor asks,
"why the long face?"
(Audience laughs)
It's not bad enough
those two want to drop
the curtain on me.
Now they're stealing
my thunder?
A brief pause
in my pranks, then,
while I kibosh
the competition!
(Whispering) Jade,
I don't think this
is competing fairly.
Zip the lips,
Jackie!
You're gonna
tank my act!
Stop the show!
(Gasps)
They're cheating!
The puppet is alive,
I tell you!
It's alive!
(Audience gasps)
Help me out
here, Jackie!
Just a dummy!
See?
Nothing up
my sleeves!
Oh?
Maybe this will put
a little spring
in his step!
Aah! Hey!
Oh! Ow ow ow!
Heh heh heh!
Why bother with ants
in your pants
when you could have
termites in your tights!
Jackie!
Ha ha!
If you want
real talent, folks,
watch me pull a rabbit
out of this hat!
Har har.
(Audience laughs)
You like me!
You really like me!
(Gasps)
Here comes chuckie!
Ohhh.
I have found
no means
of reversing
the curse, sensei.
Surely there is a volume
we have overlooked!
MonkeyMonkey
Monkey
Perhaps we should
visit Kai ching,
for Jackie's sake?
(Sighs)
All right.
We can't
let him escape.
I will be stuck
this way!
Don't fret yet,
Jackie.
Trail's still warm!
A lumberyard?
Aah!
This is no place
for a man made of wood!
Whoa!
Jackie!
Ha ha!
And when
you're sawdust,
we'll both
be feeling chipper!
Ha ha ha ha!
Bad day, bad day, bad day!
You wouldn't!
That's not funny!
Haven't you noticed?
I have a weird
sense of humor!
Aah!
Oh! Detachable parts!
Unh!
Fancy footwork!
How much wood does
a woodchuck Chuck?
Oh, my gosh! Look out!
Huh?
Can't believe
- I fell for that old gag.
He keeps his shop open later
just to spite me!
Hmmph!
What brings you here?
Nothing.
Just browsing.
We wish to reverse the curse
of the monkey king puppet.
Ah, yes.
This contains
the answers you seek.
We will take it.
You will purchase it.
$200.
Aah!
You pirate!
This is no trinket.
It is very rare.
$10.
20!
My final offer!
Uh, here's 200.
Why did you pay
retail, tohru?!
He was
weakening!
Hmm. To reverse
the curse,
the monkey king
must pull the leg
of its puppet victim.
That is all?!
For $200?!
Do you want me
to throw in a tea cozy?
Do you want me
to throw in
a piece
of uncle?!
No purchase
necessary!
Sensei, please.
Dead end!
Up and over!
(Cell phone rings)
Uncle?
What?
The monkey king
has to pull my leg?
Timber!
Talk later!
Cowabunga!
Aah!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
Logrolling?!
Now they're stealing
my lumberjack bit!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
Whoa--oomph!
Whoa--oomph!
Ohhh.
We have to get the monkey king
to pull your leg!
Unh! But how
can we trick
the ultimate
trickster?
Hey, Jackie?
How 'bout
we rock his world?
You know,
I won a few
talent shows
when
I was your age.
Stop me if you've
heard this one before.
Hey!
Where is everyone?!
Jackie: Shh!
Here he comes!
Going up!
Third floor: Housewares,
ladies' undergarments,
puppets!
Jackie: Don't
let him see us!
Gotcha!
Hyah!
Whoa!
Unh!
What do you know?
He fell for it!
Uhh! Uhh!
Tough crowd.
I'll help you out of there
if you promise
to stop stalking Jackie!
Oh, sure!
No problem!
Got yourself a deal!
Unh!
Hang on!
I'll grab a stick
or something!
Here!
Prepare to wear pretty
concrete slippers, my dear!
Huh?!
Uncle said you had
to pull the leg,
he didn't say Jackie
had to be wearing it!
That'sNot
Funny!
The Jack is back!
In the flesh!
And I hope
to stay this way.
Knock on wood.
Hey, Jackie!
What's your favorite fruit?
I love fruit.
Every morning
I get fresh fruit.
Pineapple,
papaya!
A lot of papaya!
Banana.
Very good for the stomach,
good for the digest--
uh, good everything.
Banana's good.
Did you ever see
a fat monkey?
Jade: But, Jackie,
I can't take first prize
at the talent show
if I don't
have a talent.
Jade, you have
a fine talent
For getting
into trouble.
Har har.
How about music?
(Plays recorder off-key)
Ugh!
Drill team?
Oof!
Archery?
Perhaps something
less hazardous to my health
(Gasps)
Like ventriloquism.
Huh?
Uncle's not going
to like this.
Jade,
it's a monkey king!
A what?
Man: The monkey king
A most revered character
from ancient folklore.
Only $20.
Uh, I don't know,
he's kinda creepy-looking.
You're not
so cute yourself!
Aah!
You know how
to throw your voice?
Jackie as puppet:
Jackie won
a few talent shows
when
he was your age.
You gotta teach me,
Jackie!
No finer puppet
with which to learn.
This hand-carved
specimen
is the only one
of its kind.
We will take it.
(Sinister laugh)
Uncle: You bought this
from my competition?!
Hey, it broke.
Because it is junk!
Kai ching
steals my business
by selling
cheap trinkets.
But Kai ching said
it was one of a kind.
Ow! Ow!
And that is 2 of a kind
to teach you
that bringing
my competitor's goods
into my shop
invites bad chi.
One more thing,
do you see any
monkey kings in here? No?!
That is because
the monkey king is known
for his love of mischief.
And he is creepy-looking.
Uncle, please.
It is only a puppet,
and Jade's talent show
is tomorrow.
You will be sorry.
Come on, you!
Here, Jade.
Let me
monkey with it.
Hmm.
An inscription--
"to free me of glitches
and put you in stitches,
"this merry ape begs
pull my leg."
Go for it.
(Sinister laugh)
(All gasp)
I'm free!
Greetings,
kiddies!
The monkey king
is in the house!
Sorry, no autographs.
Nice sumo!
Is he house-trained?
Grrrr!
What have you done with--
(all gasp)
Jackie!
No! No, no, no!
(Mock crying)
What have you
done with him,
you dirty apes?
Apes?
- Oh. That would be me.
Ha ha ha. Oh, I'm
just pulling your leg.
Jackie pulled mine,
and that's why
he's where he is today:
A proud graduate of
Marionette u!
Congratulations,
you little dummy, you.
Jackie is
not a dummy!
Change him back!
Well, I could, I suppose,
but one of us would have
to stay stuck in dollsville,
and I ain't
never going back!
Besides,
as the mandrake of mirth,
the madcap of monkeys--
don't confuse me with
that other monkey king, Kong--
I have a long list
of pranks to pull!
Ta-ta.
Tohru, stop him!
Gladly, sensei.
Jackie, say something!
See what happens when
you do not listen to uncle.
(Bell rings)
Monkey king:
Special delivery!
Oh, please do not laugh.
We are dealing with
a very sick mind.
Uncle, you have
to do something!
I am not geppetto!
I do not bring
puppets to life!
You're a genius!
Well, thank you.
The rat talisman brings
motion to the motionless.
This oughta get Jackie
back on his feet.
Well, it's a start.
Jackie: What? What is it?
UhNothing!
Do not look in mirror.
Bwaaaaa!
I told you not
to look in mirror!
He never listens.
I am a puppet!
A living puppet!
Not for long.
We're gonna find
puff the magic monkey
and make him
undo this hoodoo.
A row of ducks.
Always good
for big yuks!
Babalu
how do you know
the monkey king went this way?
Just following
the breadcrumbs.
Whoa.
Did I do that?
(Ship's horn blares)
I'm king of the world!
Aah!
Glacier!
Don't touch the fur!
I'm royalty.
Give me back my body!
Aah! The puppet!
It spoke!
Say.
How do you do that?
I didn't get to talk
when I was wood.
We'll see what we can do,
your majesty,
if you switch places
with Jackie.
So soon?
I hate to quit
When I'm on a roll.
(Gasps)
You've gotta be joking!
Joking is
all he does.
Both: Bwaaaaaa!
Aahhhhh!
Come on!
(Groans)
Ha ha ha ha!
(Both panting)
(Both sigh)
Alley oop!
Whoaaaa!
Uhh!
(Gasp)
(Gasp)
Both: Noooooo!
Ooh, instant replay!
Jade, wait here.
Whoa!
Knucklehead talks
and rocks!
Go, Jackie.
Mayday! Mayday!
Bwaaaa!
Look out!
Look out! Look out!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
(Pants)
Why have your doughnut dry
when you can dunk?!
Jackie?!
(Coughs)
(Laughs)
Oh, that was rich!
A classic monkeyshine!
Ha ha ha!
All right, chimp,
you've had your fun.
There is nothing comical
about endangering lives.
Ha ha ha ha--
there isn't?
You two aren't kidding,
are you?
You want to stop
the laughter,
and I just can't
let that happen!
Ok, we tried
reasoning with you.
No more Mr. nice guy.
Jackie, it's time
to give happy boy
a heapin' helpin'
of the ancient art
of butt whoop!
If it's
a punch-and-Judy show
you want
(Whistles)
Boys
Cook his goose!
Wait! I have
no quarrel with you!
Aah!
Tag team!
Whoa!
Huh?
Dance, little monkey,
dance!
Jackie!
Ooh. That's got to hurt.
Only my pride.
Now, students,
what have we
learned today?
You don't want to put
the king of comedy
in a bad humor!
Tohru: Hold still.
Let's hear it
for detachable parts.
Jackie, do you wish
some wax to restore
your shine?
No, thank you!
I do not plan on
being wooden much longer!
Isn't that right,
uncle?
Patience, Jackie.
Huh?! At this rate,
I will be a puppet
forever!
I do not want
to collect dust
in your shop window,
uncle!
Shouldn't we just ask
Kai ching if he knows
of a remedy?
What?!
Kai ching is the reason
you are in this kettle
of fish to begin with.
Well, that is
exactly my point.
You want me to grovel
to that snake oil salesman?!
Never!
I have everything I need
to research an antidote
for you right here,
thank you.
I say we see
that chuckling chimp
about an antidote!
We have had enough
monkey business, Jade!
And you need
to go to school.
But, Jackie,
this is way more
important
than anything
going on at schoo--
(gasps)
The talent show!
It's today!
I have to win!
First prize is a trip
to moose world, Florida!
What am I gonna do?
Oh, no.
No! No no no!
Um
A horse walks
into a doctor's office.
The doctor asks,
"why the long face?"
(Audience laughs)
It's not bad enough
those two want to drop
the curtain on me.
Now they're stealing
my thunder?
A brief pause
in my pranks, then,
while I kibosh
the competition!
(Whispering) Jade,
I don't think this
is competing fairly.
Zip the lips,
Jackie!
You're gonna
tank my act!
Stop the show!
(Gasps)
They're cheating!
The puppet is alive,
I tell you!
It's alive!
(Audience gasps)
Help me out
here, Jackie!
Just a dummy!
See?
Nothing up
my sleeves!
Oh?
Maybe this will put
a little spring
in his step!
Aah! Hey!
Oh! Ow ow ow!
Heh heh heh!
Why bother with ants
in your pants
when you could have
termites in your tights!
Jackie!
Ha ha!
If you want
real talent, folks,
watch me pull a rabbit
out of this hat!
Har har.
(Audience laughs)
You like me!
You really like me!
(Gasps)
Here comes chuckie!
Ohhh.
I have found
no means
of reversing
the curse, sensei.
Surely there is a volume
we have overlooked!
MonkeyMonkey
Monkey
Perhaps we should
visit Kai ching,
for Jackie's sake?
(Sighs)
All right.
We can't
let him escape.
I will be stuck
this way!
Don't fret yet,
Jackie.
Trail's still warm!
A lumberyard?
Aah!
This is no place
for a man made of wood!
Whoa!
Jackie!
Ha ha!
And when
you're sawdust,
we'll both
be feeling chipper!
Ha ha ha ha!
Bad day, bad day, bad day!
You wouldn't!
That's not funny!
Haven't you noticed?
I have a weird
sense of humor!
Aah!
Oh! Detachable parts!
Unh!
Fancy footwork!
How much wood does
a woodchuck Chuck?
Oh, my gosh! Look out!
Huh?
Can't believe
- I fell for that old gag.
He keeps his shop open later
just to spite me!
Hmmph!
What brings you here?
Nothing.
Just browsing.
We wish to reverse the curse
of the monkey king puppet.
Ah, yes.
This contains
the answers you seek.
We will take it.
You will purchase it.
$200.
Aah!
You pirate!
This is no trinket.
It is very rare.
$10.
20!
My final offer!
Uh, here's 200.
Why did you pay
retail, tohru?!
He was
weakening!
Hmm. To reverse
the curse,
the monkey king
must pull the leg
of its puppet victim.
That is all?!
For $200?!
Do you want me
to throw in a tea cozy?
Do you want me
to throw in
a piece
of uncle?!
No purchase
necessary!
Sensei, please.
Dead end!
Up and over!
(Cell phone rings)
Uncle?
What?
The monkey king
has to pull my leg?
Timber!
Talk later!
Cowabunga!
Aah!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
Logrolling?!
Now they're stealing
my lumberjack bit!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
Whoa--oomph!
Whoa--oomph!
Ohhh.
We have to get the monkey king
to pull your leg!
Unh! But how
can we trick
the ultimate
trickster?
Hey, Jackie?
How 'bout
we rock his world?
You know,
I won a few
talent shows
when
I was your age.
Stop me if you've
heard this one before.
Hey!
Where is everyone?!
Jackie: Shh!
Here he comes!
Going up!
Third floor: Housewares,
ladies' undergarments,
puppets!
Jackie: Don't
let him see us!
Gotcha!
Hyah!
Whoa!
Unh!
What do you know?
He fell for it!
Uhh! Uhh!
Tough crowd.
I'll help you out of there
if you promise
to stop stalking Jackie!
Oh, sure!
No problem!
Got yourself a deal!
Unh!
Hang on!
I'll grab a stick
or something!
Here!
Prepare to wear pretty
concrete slippers, my dear!
Huh?!
Uncle said you had
to pull the leg,
he didn't say Jackie
had to be wearing it!
That'sNot
Funny!
The Jack is back!
In the flesh!
And I hope
to stay this way.
Knock on wood.
Hey, Jackie!
What's your favorite fruit?
I love fruit.
Every morning
I get fresh fruit.
Pineapple,
papaya!
A lot of papaya!
Banana.
Very good for the stomach,
good for the digest--
uh, good everything.
Banana's good.
Did you ever see
a fat monkey?