Batman (1966) s02e41 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
When we last glimpsed the masked man hunter he was about to be snapped to death by a gigantic bat trap.
And a poor drugged Robin as the unwitting tool of his destruction.
Batman's only hope is to join forces with Catwoman but we know he won't do that.
Or will he? The incredible answer in just one moment.
Have you reached a verdict? You win, Catwoman.
I'll become your partner.
But it's not that I'm afraid to die.
I just don't want a murder rap hanging over Robin's young head.
Robin, stop sawing.
You realize I'll have to drug you with cataphrenic to make sure you're not faking.
Of course, Catwoman.
I wouldn't expect you to believe me.
- There's no honor among thieves, Batman.
- I'll buy that.
Cataphrenic.
L.
Do you mind if I take a Bat-pill first, Catwoman? I feel a headache coming on.
I feel a little woozy.
Would you like some chicken soup? No, thank you.
I think a Bat-pill will do.
It's not that serious.
You men are all hypochondriacs.
All right, go ahead.
Now, do with me as you like.
Hey- You're a pretty good looker.
You got some class, baby.
Who are you? - I am your boss.
-Yeah.
Don't forget it.
All right, boys, let's go.
We've got some money to count.
Yeah, let's go.
Let's go.
Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one million.
Hey, hey, that's a neat haul, Cat baby.
Only the beginning.
A drop in the proverbial bucket.
We're gonna live it up.
We're gonna wail, doll.
Nope.
This money goes toward buying plans to the Gotham City Mint.
The Mint? You don't fool around.
Which way, sweetheart? Drive straight out along Short Island Sound to the Old Criminal's Home.
Oh, would I love to see Commissioner Gordon's face now.
Incredible.
I don't believe it.
Two of me men saw it with their own four eyes.
Catwoman riding in the Batmobile with Batman.
They came off the bridge and disappeared in the traffic.
The worst has come to pass.
Send out an all-points bulletin, Chief O'Hara: "Wanted, dead or alive: Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and Pussycat.
" Eh, you, young criminals, you don't know what it's all about.
Back in the good old days-- Stow the gab, Little Al.
Crime's come a long way since you operate.
- Yeah, yeah, here's the million, Little Al.
-Oh, thanks, fella.
What did you say your name was? Oh, quit yapping and give us the plans to the Mint.
Shh.
Not so loud.
There are a lot of very dishonest persons in here.
We're all retired gangsters.
You know.
Legs Zircon, Frank Nitty-Gritty.
Give us the envelope, please.
Criminals just ain't genteel anymore.
Plans are all here.
Good.
Great.
Where to now, Cat baby? We'll have to lay low at the Catlair till it gets dark.
Robin and Pussycat are there already.
We're gonna drive east on Beacon till we get to the French Quarter.
It's at 13 Rue Madeleine.
Yes? Mayor Linseed, we're doing all we can.
Hello? Certainly I have all my men on it, Governor Stonefellow.
As soon as there's any break in the case, I'll call you back.
Gordon.
Yes.
Yes, I will, sir.
Yes, it is terrible.
Uh My best to Hubert.
An anonymous tip just came into the switchboard with the address of the Catlair.
- Should we follow it up? -Let's go.
Maybe now All the gray has gone away Maybe now We'll find a way to grow From day to day Loving with the love You say is here to say I will try to meet my vow Take my hand and show me how Turn the key and we may see love Maybe now Oh.
Come on, baby, did you miss me? - Well -Are you still madly in love with me, huh? Well How about a little smooch? You're my kind of dame.
I hardly even know you, Robin.
Kissing is a great way to get acquainted, sweetheart.
Robin, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression of me.
I'm not the type of girl to kiss a boy on the first crime.
Close your eyes and pucker, and don't worry about your reputation.
Hands up.
Don't make a move.
- Holy shucks.
-You're under arrest.
May I change into my street clothes before we go? Oh, all right, go ahead, but hurry.
How could they have known the location of my Catlair? Beats me, Cat baby.
What's new, Catwoman? Meet us at the Mint at 5 in the morning.
- Lay low until then, Mr.
Spade.
-Right.
We're gonna have to find a place to hide out, Batman.
Do you remember the way back to the Batcave? Batcave? What's a Batcave? Concentrate, Batman.
Perhaps you can remember where it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I remember.
Yeah, that's it.
Batcave.
What's that? Just a little Bat-Sleep, Catwoman.
Twenty winks or so.
My name is Pussycat.
My rank is criminal, second class.
I have no serial number.
Now, if you want any more information, flatfoot, see my mouthpiece.
It's no use, O'Hara.
She won't crack.
- What she needs is a good slap on the wrist.
-That's enough.
You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality.
Well, then how are we gonna find Batman? I have an idea.
How do we usually find Batman? Call him on the Batphone.
Correct.
Now, what would happen if we were to trace the line attached to the Batphone? Brilliant, commissioner.
- What happened? -You fainted in my arms.
Maybe I should take more catnaps.
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
What a base of operations.
Yeah, it's a nice little pad, Cat baby.
Ah.
Oh, Batman, this is wonderful.
You and me in our own private paradise.
Sounds swingy.
Yeah, and Gotham City will swing at our mercy.
Is there something you'd like to do, Batman? Yeah, I got your message, Catwoman.
Isn't there something that you wanna do? Now that we're standing almost mask to mask this way.
Sure, Catwoman.
But first, we got the heist at the Mint to think about.
Caped crime-fighter to caped crook.
What's going on? Someone is trying to trace the line to the Batcave.
- Can they do that? -If I let them.
It's been tried before, but I'm not gonna let them.
There.
That ought to throw them off the track for a while, Cat baby.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, back in the rundown apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending One million seven hundred thousand nine hundred and forty-eight.
One mil-- Stay right where you are, Batman.
Batman? ls Batman here? That's right.
And you're he-- Uh, him.
Batman.
Me? Batman? With this paunch? Ha, ha.
You're very clever, Batman.
Judging by your appearance, I'd never guess your secret but the Batphone line led us right to you.
Oh, this is some sort of trick on Batman's part.
I'll say it is.
And where is Rudy, your valet? Gone to market.
Correction.
We have him at police headquarters in his guise as Robin, the Boy Wonder.
That's ridiculous.
Rudy's 32 years old.
And obviously very spry for his age.
Come on, Batman.
It's all over.
No, wait a minute.
Get your-- - You'll hear from my lawyer.
- Out.
I counted that money.
I know how much is there.
"Dear Alfred.
Deliver these Bat-Antidote Pills to Robin at police headquarters.
Then have him meet me" Ah.
Good show, sir.
NARRATOR".
It's 5:00 in the morning and all is not well at the Gotham City Mint.
It's cold.
Here.
You want my cape around you? I prefer your arms around me.
We're ready when you are, Catwoman.
Your timing's incredible! All right, let's get on with it.
Now, here's the secret entrance to the place.
We're standing in front of the rear door and the entrance is four feet to the left.
I don't see anything, Catwoman.
You're not supposed to.
That's the idea.
Hammer.
Get back.
Get back.
Get back.
Get down.
Get down.
It's a new explosive that makes no noise.
It's called silentmite.
Spade, Marlow, Templar, fill up those sacks with money.
Don't take anything under a nickel.
Hello, Catwoman.
Robin, you escaped.
- A lucky star's above you.
-But not for you.
I'm no longer under the influence of cataphrenic, Catwoman.
I'm back to my old, young crime-fighting self.
Batman, punch him, kick him.
Do something.
No.
Catwoman, you've been hoist on your own petard.
I took a Universal Bat-Antidote before you administered that dreadful drug.
I never was under your spell.
I was merely acting.
But I had to find the chink in the armor of the Mint which I have.
Men, dispense with them quickly.
- She's gone.
-But where? Batman, Robin, forgive my ever doubting you, but I-- There is no time for that, commissioner.
Question is, have you see Catwoman? - I did, Caped Crusader.
-Where? Just pulled away in the Batmobile.
- The Batmobile? -The Batmobile? She must have taken the key to the ignition while my mind was on something else.
Holy diversionary tactic.
There is one way we can catch her, Robin.
Chief O'Hara, may I have the keys to your patrol car? - You insured? -Give him the keys, O'Hara.
- Yes, sir.
-No ordinary car can catch the Batmobile.
Absolutely correct, Robin.
Excuse us.
We'll never catch her, Batman.
Not as long as she keeps going at the Batmobile's top speed.
She's heading, it appears, to New Guernsey.
Here, take this.
The remote control apparatus.
Why didn't I think of that? That device can manipulate the Batmobile.
The red is for the brakes, white is for acceleration and the green button will turn the car a la izquierda o a la derecha.
To the left or right.
Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman? One should keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin.
Must be running out of fuel.
- Can you see her? -Yes.
Just up ahead.
There she is, amigo.
Catwoman, come down! You'll have to come up and get me, Batman.
What now, mon ami? You heard what she said, Robin.
You stay where you are.
I'll take care of this.
Go get her, Batman.
Get her.
You're running out of room, Catwoman.
You'd better come down.
Sorry, Batman, but all my systems are go.
Give up, Catwoman.
There's no exit.
You'll never catch me alive.
Ha, ha.
It's all over, Catwoman.
I could swim for it.
You'd never survive the fall.
It's a hundred feet down into the river.
Anything's better than facing prison again.
I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you.
- Marry me.
-Everything except that.
A wife, no matter how beauteous or affectionate would severely impair my crime-fighting.
Then I can help you in your work.
As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable.
- I can reform.
Honestly, I can.
-What about Robin'? Robin? Oh, I've got it.
We'll kill him.
I see you're not really ready to assume a life in society.
I guess you're right, Batman.
Can't teach an old cat new tricks.
Give me your hand.
All right, now, get moving.
Get moving, all of you.
The paddy wagon is waiting for you.
Come on.
You too.
My deepest regrets for ever questioning your actions, Batman.
Accepted, Commissioner Gordon.
You couldn't have known that my plan was to let Catwoman play out her hand.
Oh, yes, Catwoman.
An evil genius.
You remember your association with her, Boy Wonder? It's all a blur.
Like a horrible daymare.
I don't think she'll be bothering us anymore.
You're probably right, as usual, Batman.
Although we've found no trace of her body.
I can't conceive of anyone living after a fall from the top of a building like that into west river.
-And yet, I can't help thinking that somewhere in that great Catlair in the sky she's looking down and laughing at us.
I feel the same way, Batman.
She made good her threat, never again to return to prison.
Even though it cost her her life.
Or at least one of her lives.