Elsbeth (2024) s03e01 Episode Script

1
And this is where the magic
really happens.
If you look to your right,
you will see the office
of the man himself,
our host, Scotty Bristol.
He's probably in there
right now, going over material,
preparing for tonight's show,
which tapes in a few hours.
What do you say we say a quick hello?
[CHUCKLES]
Actually, I-I think
I'll keep my job instead.
A-And right next door
is the writers room,
where, uh, Scotty's hilarious monologues
and comedy bits are born.
The writers are waiting to hear
if their material made the final cut.
- He hated it.
- [WRITERS GROAN]
Monologue or the mayor bit?
All of it. Every line.
But we stayed late last night.
That was good stuff.
Are you sure you pitched it right?
Yes, Ronan, I know how to pitch.
I come from a comedy background.
- Improv.
- Improv.
Look, he just didn't like it.
It happens.
Okay, but what kind of mood was he in?
Because you also
have to pick the right moment.
Because it's our job as women to always
ascertain a man's
emotional state before speaking.
Look, go ahead and blame me,
I'm used to it.
But the material
isn't going in the show.
And we know where it is going.
[SHREDDER WHIRRING]
Ugh, yes, the dulcet tones
of Mickey Two.
Okay, so, our stuff
went in the shredder.
What'll he use instead?
He's going to the packets.
- [ALL EXCLAIMING]
- For the love of comedy!
Oh, no!
- This is your fault.
- Oh, no, come on!
- [ALL GRUMBLING]
- Whose side are you on?
Hi, Sheryl.
I'm Laurel, head writer,
executive producer of Way Late.
- Are you nervous?
- Oh, God,
is it that obvious?
It's just network television.
[WEAK CHUCKLE]
I'm old enough
that still means something.
[CHUCKLES] Well, our audience
feels the same.
- Oh. [LAUGHS] Okay.
- So, here are some questions
that Scotty may or may not ask.
Do you think that he'll be nice to me?
I mean, I know sometimes he can
be a little bit acerbic
That's a lie! I'm always nice.
Oh, my God! You're
so much taller in person.
Well, that depends on the size
of your screen.
- Hi, Sheryl. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Hey, listen, it's gonna be a lot of fun.
Just relax and be yourself.
I actually brought a friend for support.
Elsbeth? Elsbeth!
What?! Oh. Hi! Yes, I'm here.
SHERYL: Uh, Elsbeth
was my journey partner
at one of the wellness centers
- I wrote about.
- SCOTTY: Hi, Elsbeth.
I hope I'm saying that right,
'cause I won't be saying it again.
Oh, my gosh, it's you.
I can't believe it.
Oh, I am such a fan.
You're so tall.
Yeah, we established that
while you were unconscious.
Yeah Oh, right.
Sorry. Um
I came straight here from the airport.
I was in Scotland visiting Angus.
Uh, my boyfriend.
Uh, actually I am not sure
I should call him that, but, um, anyway.
I am jet-lagged, which is why
I seem a little loopy,
although some people think
[LAUGHS] I always seem a little loopy.
You know what's fascinating
about that story?
I didn't ask.
- See you out there.
- SHERYL: Okay.
Uh, okay. Okay.
- Oh
- You got this.
- Is there coffee?
- Yeah.
Get her a decaf!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to Way Late.
We are talking to Sheryl Jacobs,
the author of Unwell on My Way.
So, Sheryl, it says in here that
you went from wellness center
to wellness center
for four full years.
Four years and three months.
You must have had a lot
of junk mail when you came home.
SHERYL: Oh. [CHUCKLES] Yeah, I
I mentioned that in the book.
Didn't you read it?
Well, I have to read a lot
for this job, Sheryl.
Oh, right. Is that hard for you?
Mickey, Sheryl's being mean to me.
Hey, did you meet Mickey Muntz?
Oh, no, but I-I know him from the show.
MICKEY: Good to meet
you, Sheryl. I loved your book
- and I read every word of it.
- Oh
Hey, uh, listen,
let me ask you something.
Uh, what wellness treatment do you think
would be good for Mickey over there?
I mean, obviously, he needs all of 'em,
but what would you start with first
the weight or the air of desperation?
SHERYL: Well, um,
I think focusing
on the, um, spiritual,
uh, being is always first,
and then the physical.
Well, that's good to know,
'cause we don't want to focus
on Mickey's physical being.
Yes, and my spirit is definitely broken.
SCOTTY: Anyway, this
has been, uh, great, Sheryl.
Would you please come back?
SHERYL: Is that it?
- That's it.
- Um, sure
It is way late.
Go to sleep, everybody.
- Bye-bye.
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Well?
- He said no.
- Are you kidding me?
Sweetheart.
Did you tell him what the doctor said?
- I did.
- Word for word?
- Honey.
- [SIGHS] Mickey, your heart
is in bad shape.
If you don't get a break
from the stress
taking his abuse every night
who knows what could happen?
Look, you push me to get a
mammogram once a year, and I do,
and I love you for taking care of me.
Now, I'm asking you
to take care of yourself.
He said it was impossible.
The ratings are down and he's got Ronan
waiting in the wings to take his place.
This is the job I signed up for.
God, he's killing you.
How dare he?
I'll be fine.
Look, we owe Scotty so much.
We'd be nothing without him.
Oh, I don't believe that.
No, you're right.
I'd be nothing without him.
I mean, you could be anything.
Oh, Mickey. You're such a good person.
Yeah, but I wanted
to be in show business.
Get changed and go home.
I'm gonna watch the edit.
Not that they know I'm there.
What would you start with first
the weight or the air of desperation?
- Bump me that close-up.
- Yep.
I figured he would send you.
He told you what the doctors said?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Doctors?
Are we still doing doctors?
Scotty, this show
is literally killing him.
But we'll miss it when it's gone.
[SIGHS] Yeah, yeah, I know.
This show is what
the three of us dreamed about,
and we have to live with
the choices that we made
Right, and you chose Mickey.
- I did.
- Any regrets?
Only when I watch the show.
Cute. What about kids?
No, no, no, you were right about that.
You know, we would have never
have gotten this far
if we had to split our focus.
Drink?
Uh yeah.
I was thinking about that
night the scout came
from the network to see our show
for the first time
and someone from the audience
called out "Renaissance fair"
as a suggestion.
So we're walking down memory lane now.
And you had that Renaissance fair bit
from the week before that killed.
It was ready to go,
making you look like a star.
[CHUCKLES]
Now, the guy who called it out
was a plant, right?
Laurel, good luck
comes from preparation.
Yeah. You know, it's funny
I think I chose Mickey
over you that night.
Your ambition scared the hell out of me.
Gosh, what was I so afraid of?
[CHUCKLES]
- Laurel.
- Mm-hmm?
What are you doing?
Just making it look
better, you know? Sexier.
Are we
Are we really gonna do this?
Doing what? I'm just having a drink
with an old friend.
Don't you miss the way it felt,
before all this?
- Well, of course.
- Mm.
I mean, some nights, I
look over at you and,
and I'm right back there,
the three of us on stage, making it up
as we go along, you know?
- Yeah.
- So in tune with each other.
So young.
You haven't changed. Come with me.
What-What's Okay.
Yeah, all right. No, I'm into it.
- Um all right, yeah.
- Mm.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- I've been nothing but loyal to you,
and Laurel has, too.
Uh, and-and I deserve this.
My health is more important
than some show.
Look, Laurel, I just want you to know
I've always respected and admired
- how loyal you are to Mickey.
- I know.
But I guess, um
Even you have your limits.
Guess I do.
Aah! [GRUNTING]
[CRACK]
Scotty, I can't do this anymore.
Scotty?
Scotty!
Was that a scream?
[MOUTHING]
Mom, I thought
you weren't supposed to be home
for another few days.
Did things with Angus not go so well?
No. Sheryl asked me
to go to the show with her
and then to dinner, and I want
to be supportive of my friends,
especially now that Kaya's off
- working undercover. [CHUCKLES]
- Are we sure that's the reason?
[GASPS] There she is!
[GASPS] Oh, my Gonzo!
I missed you so much.
- Were you a good girl?
- Easy peasy.
- Oh, Teddy, Teddy, I have gifts.
- Okay, Mom,
- let me. You're exhausted.
- Okay.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Yeah, the-the one on the top.
Yeah, that's for Gonzo.
- Yeah. There you go!
- [SINGSONGY]: Oh!
- Go get it, girl!
- [CHUCKLES]
And that's for you and Roy.
You got us tartan kilts.
Yeah, you both have such nice calves.
Oh, thanks. That's fun.
Although
I think it's probably a little too soon
for me to wear these at my new job.
Yeah, probably. Wait, what?
Teddy! You got a job?
- Shocking, I know.
- Oh!
Well, Roy and I were at this bar
and we met this reporter,
and I started going on about
how the truth has been devalued
and the world needs more fact-checkers.
- Oh, that's so true.
- And before I knew it,
you know, I was hired
at The New York View.
Did you know one of their journalists
got murdered with a cattle prod?
Mm-hmm. That's how we got Gonzo.
- What?
- Uh, long story.
Anyway, I really do think
that investigative journalism
could be the path for me.
Did you know that Chris Hayes
was a philosophy major just like I was?
- I think I did know that.
- And the best part is that
print media is a dying business,
and so the bar to entry is really low.
Mm, that's wonderful, honey. I'm so
- Okay, Mom, you need to sleep.
- Oh Oh, gosh.
No! I want to stay up.
I have to watch Way Late.
I have to see if I see myself
- in the audience.
- [PHONE DINGS]
Um, Mom, I think the show
may be preempted.
Oh, no. What happened? Is it Greenland?
[PHONE VIBRATES]
Oh. Hello?
Elsbeth. Oh, good, you made it home.
And you're still awake.
Oh. Captain Wagner.
Here I am, across several time zones,
reporting for duty.
I'm glad you came back early.
I need you here.
Talk about a high-profile case.
Yeah. I see Detective Smullen.
Is there an officer assigned
to "keep me in line"?
Yes, you'll be working
with Officer Grace Hackett,
who's particularly well-suited for this.
Oh. Why is that?
Well, I happen to know she's a, uh,
stand-up comic in her spare time.
Ooh, that ought to be helpful.
And good for laughs.
Where is she? Oh, I see. Um
Hi. Officer Hackett? Hi.
Oh, gosh.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you were having a moment there.
No. [WEAK CHUCKLE]
- I'm
- Yeah, I-I know who you are.
I'm sorry.
I always dreamed of being here,
in this office, and, um
this is just not the way
I wanted to get here,
- you know?
- Y-Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm an empath.
That's okay.
It's nice.
According to Mickey Muntz,
our sidekick who found the body,
Scotty Bristol was famous for feeding
material that he didn't like
into this industrial monster over here
just to, uh, piss off the writers.
- God, this business.
- BOBBY: Yeah.
We're bagging
what's in the bin for evidence,
but it's looking like
a pretty unfortunate
necktie shredding accident.
Were these his earbuds?
So we assume.
Do we know what he was listening to?
Merrily We Roll Along,
original cast recording.
[SOFT CHUCKLE]
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh, I think my guess is probably better.
Sondheim's score is a masterpiece.
And the story is told backwards,
which always made perfect sense to me.
- Yeah, me too.
- So
he was strangled by his
tie?
Mm, so that means
his back was to the shredder.
Why would that be?
Maybe he turned to get away.
Uh, well
[IMITATES CHOKING] Mm.
But his tie would have
had to be on tight,
otherwise he'd be able
to pull it off in time.
But Scotty always loosened his tie
at the end of every show.
[DEEP VOICE]:
"It's way late. Go to sleep."
Yeah, that was a signature move.
ELSBETH [REGULAR VOICE]:
Are there any prints?
Uh, none that we found so far.
Hmm. Ooh!
There's a "jam override" button.
That means the shredder
shuts off when it gets jammed
with too much paper or
the body of a talk show host.
[IMITATES WHOOSH]
So, that means somebody
had to push that button
to keep it going. And, look
there's a "reverse" button.
So
[IMITATES CHOKING]
Why didn't Scotty just push that?
[IMITATES CHOKING]
Reverse button?
Scotty never changed his mind.
Laurel, right?
We met in the green room.
I was here with my friend Sheryl.
Oh. Jet lag.
Still got it. [CHUCKLES]
Well, I'd really like
to take my husband home now.
He has a heart condition.
- Let's go.
- Oh. Of course. Uh, just
Can I just ask on question?
Do you have any idea
what Scotty might have been shredding?
Some material he didn't like, probably?
- Let's go.
- Huh. That's
odd.
Because Mickey said that Scotty
used the shredder
to torture the writers,
but the writers were gone for the day,
weren't they? So the
[IMITATES GRINDING, SHREDDING]
Would be lost on them.
I-I guess we'll never know
what he was thinking.
He was here alone.
Or maybe not.
'Cause Scotty
took out his earbuds,
but he didn't put them back in the case,
as if he was expecting
to put them back in his ear
after some brief interruption,
like to, um
talk to someone.
I really need to take him home.
- Oh, sure.
- Let's go, sweetheart.
Oh, and also [LAUGHS]
These googly eyes sure are fun.
[IMITATES ROAR, CHUCKLES]
What's that about?
I couldn't tell you. Good night.
Night. Let's go.
It's true. No prints anywhere.
Somebody may have wiped them down.
So this wasn't an unfortunate
necktie shredding accident?
I'll admit, Ms. Tascioni
makes some good points.
Well, that'll save time.
Elsbeth, what's your theory?
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- And that's for you.
[GIGGLES]
I have gifts!
[LAUGHS] Okay.
This is for you.
- You didn't have to do that.
- Oh, I wouldn't dream
of coming back from overseas
empty-handed.
Okay, Lt. Connor,
this had your name on it.
[EXCLAIMS SOFTLY]
Just right. Thank you, Elsbeth.
You are so welcome.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, Captain Wagner,
I know how much you love your whiskey.
Duty free, which
I thought was ironic for you.
Bannerdale 18. Very nice.
- Thank you, Elsbeth.
- You're welcome.
And Bobby shortbread.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, Officer Hackett, obviously,
I didn't know you yet, but
I got a bunch of these adorable erasers
that look like hairy Highland coos.
That better be a kind of cow.
- There you go! There's one for you.
- WAGNER: Whoa!
- Ooh!
- Whoa. So, how's the jet lag?
You okay to work?
Oh, yes, yes. I just need
my first big cup of coffee.
Hey, we pay for coffee now?
We have continued to look at ways
to follow new budget guidelines.
Which is his oh-so-polite way of saying,
"We've got nothing for you
anymore, deal with it."
Well, I'm sure it's not
Lt. Connor's fault.
Huh. Yeah. Well he's the numbers guy.
It's true. I am.
Does anyone have a dollar?
Okay, I would put my thoughts
down on cards,
but, um
there seem to be no more cards
in the supply closet,
which is fine because I'm
on the wait list for a Sharpie.
How are those numbers working out?
Clearly, this was not an accident.
We agree. So, who had it in for him?
Well, maybe Mickey
didn't just find the body.
I mean, the guy
was humiliated by Bristol
every night for years.
Wasn't that the bit?
The experience can still feel real.
ELSBETH: I don't know.
Mickey seemed pretty broken up
over Scotty's death.
GRACE: Finished putting all the papers
in the shredder back together.
It was like that scene from Argo.
Mm. Yeah, that is the one thing
I remember from that movie.
And it won Best Picture.
Uh, what did you find?
Uh, it was a packet
jokes submitted by an aspiring writer
looking for a job on the show.
I actually submitted a few myself.
You know, I swear
they used a joke of mine once,
they just changed Pelosi to Beyoncé.
And they didn't give you
any money? Or credit?
Well, I believe the contractual
term is "bupkis."
Well, sounds like Scotty Bristol
must have pissed off a lot of writers.
Maybe one of them wanted revenge.
Mm, not likely.
And why not?
Well, I mean, most comedy writers
would take Scotty Bristol
stealing one of their jokes
as encouragement to keep going.
We're a sad bunch.
Well, what about
the writers on the show?
How do they feel about
Scotty stealing jokes
and feeding theirs to a giant shredder?
Exactly.
We need to talk to them.
And if you look to your right,
you'll see the office
where our host, Scotty Bristol,
was found dead.
That must have been hard for you.
You know, it was.
I know he had a mixed reputation,
but Scotty was always so nice to me.
He told me all about
his early days doing improv.
It's amazing
what people will tell a page.
He'd reminisce whenever
I went in to empty Mickey Two.
Mickey Two?
Oh, that's everybody's
nickname for the shredder.
It's kinda mean.
Did you always empty Mickey Two?
That's what Scotty wanted.
I'm the only non-janitor with a key
to Scotty's and Laurel's offices.
The two of them were
touchy about their shredders.
Maybe because Scotty
liked to steal material.
This business.
BOBBY: Well, what can you
tell us about Scotty and the shredder?
Oh, Mickey Two? He liked to fire
it up to remind us who's boss.
That's a funny nickname
for a shredder, though.
Well, we named it Mickey Two,
like Audrey Two in Little Shop,
because just like the real Mickey,
Scotty made it eat crap all day.
[WRITERS SNICKER]
Did Laurel know the nickname?
Oh, yes, but she would never laugh,
because she's management.
Or maybe because you were all
making fun of her husband.
Well, that's the sentimental version.
We found a writer's packet
in Scotty's shredder.
Duh. Of course you did.
BOBBY: Well, him using that stuff
must have really
burned you guys up, huh?
He should have
trusted the professionals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Did it make you want to get even?
Wait.
We thought this was an accident.
Is this a murder investigation?
It had to be Ronan. It's so obvious.
- [WRITERS CHORTLING]
- He wanted Scotty's job.
- Come on, he's the guy.
- Steph! Steph slept with Scotty
at the last season wrap
party and ever since then.
- JIM: Oh, that's true.
- She became totally obsessive.
- Shut up. That is just stupid.
- Suspect.
But I actually bet it
was you that killed him.
Wouldn't sleep with you, and I mostly
You guys Guys, stop!
This is not a bit.
You mind telling us
where you were last night?
Yes. I did two sets
at Mr. Titters club in the Village.
Oh, right, yes, we were all there.
Both sets, cheering him on.
Really? All of you?
Both sets? Why?
Well, we were
sucking up to Ronan in case
he gets Scotty's job. Which, now,
he will, because I missed my moment.
So, congratulations.
- Very happy for you.
- Yeah.
They have video cameras at Mr. Titters.
You can see the audience.
I'm sure we got filmed during
our good-natured heckling.
BOBBY: Well, we'll double-check,
'cause it does seem awfully convenient.
I mean, you guys
all clearly had a problem
working for Scotty Bristol,
so maybe you all
worked together to murder him
and cover it up.
Detective, you got to understand.
We're writers.
We would never do anything
to rock the boat.
It's true. This is
a hostile work environment,
but we are all so grateful
to have a job.
This business.
[KETTLE WHISTLES]
Which one is that?
Uh, benazepril.
Uh, it's the, uh, ACE inhibitor.
They don't work
if you forget to take them.
Well, that's what I've got you for.
Mickey
why did you go back
to Scotty's office last night?
I told you to go home.
I was gonna give him an ultimatum.
Either I get the time off
so I can take care of myself
or I quit.
I mean, it wasn't fair to me
or to you anymore.
I'd had it.
Then I never got the chance.
Oh.
Oh, Mickey.
Oh, I wish I'd known that.
[CRYING]
GRACE: What is he doing?
Looks like he's psyching
himself up for something.
Yeah.
To murder someone.
[CHUCKLES] I almost quit all the time,
I just never went through with it.
Yeah, but this time
you didn't just quit.
You murdered Scotty for making you
a laughingstock in front of millions.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
You know nothing about comedy.
Geez. I get no respect.
Um, what about you?
Did you want Mickey to quit?
I wanted what was best
for Mickey. That's all.
This interview is over.
Mickey, go home and call Edward.
That's our lawyer.
Clearly, the police want
to waste their time focusing on
Scotty's best friend in the world.
This is unbelievable.
We'll be in touch.
In the meantime, we'll have another chat
with building security.
I'll catch up with you later.
Hey, Laurel. Laurel.
Um, I just want you to know
I think the police have this wrong.
I don't think Mickey
could have done this.
- You're smart.
- The thing is, I would love it
if you would help me figure this out
to clear your husband's name.
Would you be willing to do that?
[SCOFFS] How can I say no?
Oh. Great. [CHUCKLES]
MATTHEW: 'Scuse me, Laurel.
Wow, boy.
- You have a tough job.
- How do you mean?
Well, the writers
think of you as management.
Well, they blame everything on me.
That's how Scotty liked it.
Oh, and Scotty
doesn't sound like he was an easy boss.
And then to watch what the show
was doing to your husband every night?
Laurel, you juggle a lot.
Well, you juggle a lot, too, or
you wouldn't carry so many bags.
[LAUGHS] True.
Although I don't have to
think about my husband. Ex.
Although he did just
narrowly escape disbarment.
Not sure how I feel about that.
I'm sorry, but I have
an awful lot to do.
Oh, of course.
Um, what are you working on?
We're preparing
a tribute show for Scotty.
Oh. And who knew him
better than you did?
Uh, by the way,
did Scotty also
call the shredder Mickey Two
or was that just the writers?
You knew all about that.
Right?
And yet you acted like you didn't
when I asked you about the grr!
Googly eyes at the crime scene.
You taking about
the night of the accident?
You asked me and I said:
"I couldn't tell you."
I couldn't tell you because
Mickey was right there
and I didn't want to hurt his feelings
or make him look guilty, God forbid.
So, I couldn't tell you.
Wow, you're awfully quick on your feet.
Must be my improv training.
Oh, right.
Carl, cue it up to the beginning.
CARL: You got it.
- So cool.
- [BAND PLAYING ON SCREEN]
Wow.
Oh, hey.
Is that you?
That's, uh, that's
Scotty and Mickey and you, isn't it?
Yeah, we were in a group
called The Overalls.
Oh, that explains the outfits.
That is so fun.
You guys were a big hit, weren't you?
[SIGHS]
We didn't know what we were.
We were just having fun
and making each other laugh.
Three kids in Seattle
just loving each other
and what we were doing.
That, of course, was before the jealousy
and the deals and show business.
Mm. Before you knew that, uh,
Scotty would be the star?
Oh, we always knew that.
Boy. [CLICKS TONGUE]
I would love to learn how to do that.
What, improv?
No, it's not much of a thing anymore.
But it's such an important skill.
And it would be so useful in my work.
I could probably use it
to find Scotty's real killer.
LAUREL: T.
ELSBETH [GROWLING]: U.
LAUREL: V.
ELSBETH [CHEERFUL]: W!
X.
Y?!
Z.
- [LAUGHS]
- Okay. All right
You see how we're more connected now?
Yes, I do.
I feel like I can almost read your mind.
Okay, let's try a more advanced game.
All right, let's do
- Questions Only.
- Okay.
Now, everything you say must
be in the form of a question.
Mm-hmm. Ooh! Like Jeopardy!.
Uh, yeah. Yeah, like Jeopardy!.
Okay, and remember the first
Rule of Improv: "Yes, and."
You never deny
what the other person says
because it kills the scene.
You go along with it
and you add new information
so the scene builds.
- Oh. All right.
- Okay, yeah.
So, uh, let's start
with a place for the scene.
Uh Ooh!
A Renaissance fair.
Hm. Well, what made you
come up with that?
Did you know that was a bit
we did in The Overalls?
Yes, and
[DEEP VOICE]: I've done
a bunch of research on you.
[REGULAR VOICE]: Was that good?
Yeah, well, we haven't
really started yet.
- Oh.
- Okay? So let's start now.
- Okay. Okay. Sorry, sorry.
- All right. [CLEARS THROAT]
So, here we go. Um
Is this your first time
at the Renaissance fair?
Uh
[BRITISH ACCENT]: Does it look like
my first time, lassie?
Lassie? Okay, well,
yes, that was a question,
but it didn't add new information.
So, what it did
was it threw the question
back on me, so now
I'm doing all the work.
- [REGULAR ACCENT]: Oh.
- Yeah.
Oh, I see. Gosh, yeah, I
I tend to do that with people.
Okay, oh L-Let
let me try-let me try it again.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
Yes.
[BRITISH ACCENT]:
Do you like my breeches?
Uh, okay, good.
Um, yes, I love them,
- and would you like to dance?
- Ooh!
Absolutely, I wouldst.
- Oh, we're dancing.
- And
Uh, but, um
will your husband mind?
Mm. Okay.
"But" is okay if it keeps
adding information,
which you did. And yes, he will.
- Will you tell him?
- Yes,
but wouldst thou
secretly murder me first?
[REGULAR ACCENT]: Did I do it wrong?
No, it's just a little confusing,
with all the "wouldst's."
I really have to get back to the edit.
- Oh, shoot. Are you sure?
- Yes.
And?
Yes, and that was a very good start.
You're very quick on your feet, too.
But you need more practice.
BOBBY: Didn't we already see this?
ELSBETH: Oh, he's
wearing different clothes.
I wanted to test Mickey's story,
so I did some research.
There's a fan online who's compiled
all the most humiliating
Mickey Muntz moments on the show.
Oh, there were so many.
The lint suit, the snake tank.
And then I got the security footage
from after those tapings.
Sure enough, half the time,
Mickey was in the elevator,
working himself up
to almost quit, just like he said.
Which shows
- He did it!
- He didn't do it.
Oh, come on. He did it!
- He didn't do it.
- He absolutely did it.
- He di-he didn't do it.
- Come on, come on, Elsbeth,
- gimme a break.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
- One at a time.
- Okay, Captain,
the security footage clearly shows
a years-long process of Mickey
building up the courage
to murder Scotty.
Yes, and it shows a weak man
who would never hurt
the boss he worshipped.
- Why "yes, and"?
- What?
You just completely contradicted me
- but you started with "Yes, and."
- Oh, it's better for the scene.
We're in a scene?
Seeing Mickey go through all that
was painful to watch,
but it must have been even more
painful for his wife, Laurel,
especially given Mickey's bad heart.
But everything you say
also points to Mickey,
and he found the body.
Yes, and it points
just as much to Laurel.
And why are you carrying a waste basket?
To make a point. Hey! Connor.
- You see this?
- Garbage?
Yeah, the same garbage
that's been here for three days.
Yes, it has been necessary
to scale back trash collection.
Oh, no, no, don-don't
hide behind the passive voice.
I should be able to eat a banana
and not worry about
the peel sticking around
long enough to grow fuzz.
Are you gonna do something about this?
Nope. Mmm.
What did Edward have to say?
Uh, he told me he's gonna
put me in touch with a lawyer
- who handles this sort of thing.
- When?
I-I don't know. Tomorrow, maybe.
Maybe? The police
are not fooling around.
Why didn't you tell them
that you wanted me to quit?
What what-what are you saying?
The police asked you and you lied.
I didn't lie.
I told them I wanted
what was best for you,
and that's true,
that's always been true.
Laurel, were you in the edit
that whole time?
Don't do this, Mickey.
- You're just torturing yourself and me.
- Oh
You lied. You did want me to quit.
I wanted you to get time off.
And now you have it. And you can use it
to get better and to do great things.
But without Scotty?
[PANTING] I
Laurel, I
Mi-Mickey? Mickey!
So, he couldn't bear the guilt
of killing Scotty Bristol
and his heart gave out, huh?
Is that about it?
Yes, and
that's exactly what he told me
just before he died.
Think before you write.
Crossing something out
is a waste of ink.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Captain Wagner.
- Mm?
Are you fully aware
of what's going on out there?
To what are you referring?
These budget cuts
they're so arbitrary and absurd,
and everyone's taking it out
on Lt. Connor.
Yes. And?
Well, I have seen, recently,
what can happen when a person's
put in that position.
It's not fair
and it leads to bad things.
Part of being a good boss
is effectively
delegating responsibility.
Connor can handle it.
What about his feelings?
- Connor has feelings?
- Captain.
You know what else
is part of being a good boss?
Taking the blame when necessary.
- [KNOCKING]
- You Come.
The report's in. Uh, Mickey Muntz
died of a catastrophic coronary.
No sign of foul play.
Okay. Case closed.
CAMERON: We have some of his personal
effects to return to the widow.
His watch, uh, wedding ring.
Oh, I can take them to her.
If that helps.
Yeah. Thank you.
You aren't done, are you?
Cameron.
Have you heard anything from our friend?
I'm not supposed
to say anything. Uh,
I can't believe that Kaya
wouldn't want me to know
she's okay. Oh! [GASPS] I said her name.
Are-are we not supposed
to be saying her name?
Uh, we both know her name.
- So, when
- No, I, um
So, I have spoken to her,
and she completed training and has begun
her first undercover assignment.
And she sounds
pretty damn happy about it.
Oh. That's good.
Yes.
Tell her that there's a plushie.
Loch Ness Monster with her name on it.
- Okay. I'll let her know.
- Okay.
RONAN: And that concludes
our tribute to the great Scotty Bristol.
In the meantime
I just don't think
I should do the tie bit.
- [WRITERS GROAN]
- It was Scotty's thing.
Are you gonna fight me on everything?
Hi, Laurel.
Take a break.
We'll argue about this later.
Looking forward.
Your deal hasn't closed yet.
Surprised to see you here.
[SIGHS] We're reworking
the tribute show,
cutting out any trace of Mickey.
Oh, right, because Mickey killed him.
You know you didn't
have to tell the police
that Mickey confessed.
There's still spousal privilege.
You could have kept his secret.
I know. But I couldn't bear
to see someone else
take the blame for Scotty's murder.
Of course. [CLICKS TONGUE]
That makes total sense.
Thanks for bringing these.
You know, there's something else
I was wondering about.
- What's that?
- Well, Detective Smullen
thinks Mickey's heart gave out
because he couldn't
bear the secret guilt anymore.
But if he confessed to you,
then that burden was removed,
so why did he have a heart attack?
I mean, exactly when did Mickey confess
was it before the attack or during?
Because it certainly
couldn't have been after.
Mickey knew Scotty was in love with me.
He thought we were
having an affair and I couldn't
convince him that we weren't.
That's why.
I see.
Wow.
You just added new information
in just the right spot.
So, um
Did anything ever happen
between you and Scotty, say,
in his office?
[SCOFFS] No.
No?
Not "Yes, and"?
No.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Can I have your attention, please?
I know things are tough.
And we've had to make some
painful adjustments.
But in case you haven't noticed,
that is happening all over.
And the work that we do
is too important
to focus on
petty inconveniences.
We will get through
this difficult time together.
But in the meantime,
if you have a complaint
you come to me.
Hey, this isn't my trash.
[SIGHS]
Very funny, Detective Smullen.
[GASPS] That's it.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES IN DISTANCE]
[EXHALES]
I know you did it for him.
I'm sorry?
I'm sure you are.
About part of it, anyway.
I mean, you didn't know that
things would turn out this way.
You and Mickey and Scotty
you had a special bond,
just like the characters
in Merrily We Roll Along,
Scotty's favorite musical,
under appreciated
until the recent revival.
Is there a point to this?
Yes.
Because that bond
also gave you power over each other.
And Scotty used that power
to control your lives,
like when he told you not to have kids,
or when he wouldn't give Mickey
the break his doctors ordered.
Well How do you know all that?
It's amazing what people
will tell a page.
And Scotty told me a lot.
ELSBETH: Your plan
was to make it look like
an unfortunate shredding accident.
I mean, after all,
Scotty loved to torture
the writers with the
[IMITATES GRINDING] Noise.
But there was no one there to hear it.
And
We pieced the shredded pages
back together.
It was a packet that had
no jokes used on the show that night.
So why was Scotty shredding?
Well, I don't know. I wasn't there.
Oh, see, now, that's not good improv.
A better move
was when you tried
to pin the murder on Mickey
after he died. Except the killer
had to
tighten Scotty's tie
and then lure him over to the shredder
without any sign of a struggle.
Mickey couldn't have done that.
But you could,
using your 30 years of history
and a little alcohol [LAUGHS]
to manipulate Scotty into position.
[MOCK SCREAMING]
Oh, this is ludicrous.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, maybe.
But it was a pretty good plan.
Until after the murder, when you saw
that the shredder bin was empty,
thanks to Matthew the page.
I never forgot to empty Mickey Two.
ELSBETH: It couldn't look
like an accident if there wasn't
shredded paper in the bin.
And you couldn't use Mickey Two
'cause Scotty's body
[IMITATES CHOKING] Was in the way.
So you ran back to your office,
you shredded the latest packet
[IMITATES SHREDDING]
And you brought that
and put it in Scotty's bin.
Detective Smullen
tried a similar trick on me,
which made me think of it.
For which I have apologized.
[SCOFFS WEAKLY] Well,
you can't prove any of this.
Oh, actually, we can.
Because it turns out, uh
[ECHOING ON SPEAKERS]:
No two shredders are the same.
The width between the blades
on Mickey Two
was a quarter of an inch further apart
than the blades
on the shredder in your office.
And only you and Matthew the page
had keys to have access
both of the shredders.
But Matthew was with the writers,
watching Ronan Gaines
doing standup at Mr. Titters.
I was sucking up.
ELSBETH: It had to be you, Laurel.
[SIGHS]
You and Mickey and Scotty
you were old friends.
Now two of you are dead.
I didn't kill Mickey.
Not directly, no.
Uh
We had a good thing going.
Mm.
BOBBY: Ma'am. This way, please.
You really do know everything
that goes on around here, don't you?
You could say that and be correct.
Could you do me a favor?
Get your Way Late with
Scotty Bristol office supplies.
They don't want 'em anymore.
Too depressing. [CHUCKLES]
- Thank you, Elsbeth.
- Mm.
But I'm still gonna
use my bagpipe stapler.
Thank you for bringing all that.
It should help calm things down
here for a while.
Of course.
But, uh, you know,
the box wasn't that big.
The trouble isn't just over.
I know.
- Well, maybe you should rethink things.
- No.
That's not possible.
- Uh, but, I
- Elsbeth,
it was either those cuts
or get rid of you.
And that is not
something I would entertain.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
Thanks for a fun time.
You actually inspired me.
- Really?
- In fact,
I submitted another packet to Way Late
and Ronan Gaines
bought one of my jokes for $200.
Oh! He did?
- [LAUGHS]: Yeah.
- That's so good. Oh, wow.
See? The top job
doesn't automatically
make someone a monster.
Oh, this business. [GIGGLES]
[CHUCKLES]
RONAN [ON LAPTOP]: Okay. So, now
let's introduce my new sidekick
the only idiot willing
to take this humiliating job
- Matthew the Way Late Page!
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Thank you, sir.
So glad to be here, Ronan.
RONAN: We like to promote from
within. We don't like to pay you more,
and we haven't, but glad you're aboard.
- MATTHEW: Can I get you anything?
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]