Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s03e01 Episode Script
Re-Enter the J Team
1
Unh!
Unh.
Unh!
Unh! Unh!
Sayonara, chumps.
Hiyah!
Jade?
Now can I join
the j-team?
Well
But I mopped the floor
with ninja butt.
El solo me-o! Yipe!
No!
Where are you
taking me?
Jade!
No. Not here.
Not yet.
Nice of you
to join us, Jade.
Would you care to read
your essay to the class?
Essay?
Aah!
(Gasping)
5 more shopping days
till the end
of Summer vacation.
Yay.
Jackie, I keep having
the same weird dream.
I show up to
the first day of class
without my
"what I did during
Summer vacation" essay.
Gee, perhaps you should
start writing your essay.
Tch. You mean,
write about how boring
vacation's been?
We haven't seen
a single demon or ninja
or dark hand thug.
Mmm. My kind of Summer.
Black: Jackie.
Could I see you a moment?
Aye, cap'n!
Funny.
I did not hear him
say your name.
It involves Jade.
That would be moi.
What did she do?
Not Jade the niece.
Jade the stone.
Jackie: Oh, I recognize
these pieces.
Some of the finest examples
of emperor's Jade
ever to exist.
Until they vanished.
As you know,
the collections
of nearly a dozen
Chinese museums
have been hit over
the last decade,
and the thefts have
the same thing
in common.
No prints, no tracks,
no suspects.
Until now.
Section 13 agents
have been tracking
the movements
of taiwanese
billionaire
Bartholomew Chang.
His hand
Made of Jade.
(Door opens)
You rang?
Both: The stone.
Just checking.
Our biggest obstacle
is diplomatic.
The taiwanese government
believes Chang
to be its greatest
philanthropist.
That's why
we can't make a move
on his island fortress
without absolute proof
that he's stockpiling
the goods there.
And I can help you how?
Chang is about to host
his annual exclusive
martial arts tournament
ostensibly for charity.
But I believe Chang
uses the tournament
as an audition
to recruit muscle
for his private army,
and the guest
transportation
as a means
to smuggle Jade
onto the island
and off of it.
Ah. You want me
to attend the tournament
as a contestant?
And find the
(Whispers)
Jade.
Captain black,
no offense,
but this is way out
of Jackie's league.
This is a job for
The j-team!
El toro fuerte,
wrestler extraordinaire.
Viper, mistress of hapkido,
pilates, and krav maga.
Tohru, the big, strong
Er, sumo.
Uh, yes.
Captain black,
I am sorry
that my niece has
such an active
imagination.
I like it.
Good work, kid.
Tohru: Sumo?
But I am small
for a sumo.
Well, you'll just
have to eat more.
All part of
the training.
All right, t.,
assume the position.
Unh. Unh.
Rrrr!
Unh.
Unh.
Unh!
Now, the name of the game
is to stay in the ring,
capiche?
Unh.
Hiyah!
Unh!
(Gasps)
Earthquake!
You are very small
for a sumo.
Lesson number one:
Think big.
Thank you all
for coming
and for accepting
this mission.
I've taken
the Liberty
of assigning
each of you
a code name.
Hepcat.
Slippery McGee.
Fearless hyena.
The big bopper.
And you can
call me
When we get there
to let you know
we arrived safely.
But this was my idea.
The mission was gonna be
my perfect Summer getaway.
If I don't go,
paco doesn't go.
Paco is going, right?
Too dangerous.
Besides,
he is busy writing his
"what I did for
Summer vacation" essay.
Sorry, kiddo,
but let's you and me
go rollerblading
as soon
as I get back.
Sure thing, hepcat.
You're a real
master of disguise.
El toro fuerte
never removes his mask.
Wish I could remove
these pajamas.
Not used to such
a roomy fit.
According
- to captain black,
Chang gives a private tour
of his operations
to all tournament winners.
That would be the safest way
to gain access to the Jade.
(Fanfare plays)
Ready to go for the gold,
big bopper?
Oh!
Jade!
How did you--
captain black said
the boats were used
to smuggle Jade
onto the island, duh.
Ah! Not the niece,
the stone!
Let the tournament begin.
Jujitsu contestants,
approach
the competition stage.
Senor fuerte,
you're on.
How do you know?
Tch. Who'd you think
was gonna register you guys
for your bouts?
(Grunting)
Yes!
An intriguing derivation
of jujitsu.
Aaahhh!
Oh, no! The "bounce-off-
the-ropes" maneuver!
What ropes?
Uh-oh.
All: Aah!
(Groans)
The champion.
This ain't lucha libre,
àhandsome.
Ah, force of habit.
Iron fist contestants,
approach
the competition stage.
Show 'em who's boss,
fearless hyena.
(Grunting)
What?
Why did you
sign me up for that?
Hello?
"Greatest victory,
battle not fought."
Thought you liked to avoid
hand-to-hand combat.
How did Chang
lose his hand,
anyway?
Iron fist competition.
Heh heh. Bricks.
Owww!
Well, Jackie's out.
Not quite.
Best 2 out of 3.
Taibo: Contestants,
approach the competition
stage.
Viper's gonna rock
the tournament.
Hiyah!
The champion.
This clown suit's
really cramping
my style.
Sumo contestants,
approach the competition
stage.
It's up to you, t.
Think big.
Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big.
Think
Big.
Hello, tiny.
(Gulps)
Yeah.
Jade: Think big.
Huh?
Aaarrrgh!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
The champion!
Tohru, you da bomb.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I won?
I won!
(Knock on door)
Yes?
Uh, mmm.
Good evening,
uh, Mr. referee.
Taibo: Master Chang
requests your presence.
Chang has summoned tohru.
Jade will be pleased
to hear this.
No. Jade, eh,
Jade will be
pleased to remain
in her room.
(Footsteps approaching)
Sumo.
You fought like
a warrior today.
Uh, I--I have
an excellent trainer.
Chang enterprises can
compensate you beyond
your wildest dreams,
if you
dedicate yourself
to serving my empire.
Yes.
Very well.
(Beeping)
Champion, join
the privileged few.
Heh heh. Hello.
Now behold
One of my most
successful ventures.
Quilts.
All proceeds
go to charity.
Anything?
Song and dance.
Chang won't show
his true colors
until he's certain
he can trust tohru.
Chang: Cookies.
All proceeds
go to charity.
Yummy?
(Yawns)
Shh.
Jade.
Tohru has a visual.
Er, the niece,
not the stone.
I have to get her
out of there.
You'll jeopardize
the mission.
And Jade won't?
50-50.
Jade!
Hey!
Hiyah!
Huh?
(Beeping)
(Gasps)
Jade!
And over here,
the pride and Joy
of Chang enterprises
Basket weaving.
All proceeds go
You!
Aah!
This area
is off limits.
What are you
doing?
Looking for Jade.
What Jade? There is
no Jade here.
I see no Jade.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Jade, my niece,
not Jade the stone.
Uh, have you seen it--
uh--uh, I mean, her?
No? Well, it was very nice
seeing you again.
Uh, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Are you certain
you wish to serve me?
Of course, master Chang.
Then prove yourself, sumo.
Bury our intruder.
(Gasps)
Heh heh,
nice sumo.
Unh!
Aah!
All: Unh!
(All groan)
That was the best plan
you could come up with?
Yes.
This way!
Jade?
The niece
or the stone?
My Jade!
Destroy them!
El toro:
Not so fast.
You were gonna
start the party
without us?
Rematch.
Watch the hands.
Please! Not the hands!
I win.
Not the hands.
Ropes, por favor.
Not the hands.
Amigo! Tag team!
Owww!
Sorry.
(Whistle)
You!
(Gulps)
I have never
lost a match
until today.
We humble ourselves
before you.
Let us even the odds.
Destroy them!
(All yelling)
You can run, Chang,
but you can't hide
from the j-team.
Jackie could use
some helping hands.
Jade: Jackie!
Heh. Always brush
after soup?
Aah!
(Gagging)
Unh!
Unh.
The champion!
(All groaning)
Thinking big?
Livin' large.
Team, I hope
you'll consider
joining us
for future missions.
Mmm, well
Both: We would
be honored.
So this makes me
official, right?
Well, let's just say
the "j" in j-team
stands for more
than "Jackie."
And that's what I did
on my mondo coolio
Summer vacation.
Hey, Jackie,
what is rushu?
It's a little art.
It's like a dancing.
Like me, when I'm playing
badminton.
Choo, ooh, ooh.
We're doing
this kind of things.
You have your own style.
You learn something
from me, ok,
but later on you must
have your own style.
Yeah.
Unh!
Unh.
Unh!
Unh! Unh!
Sayonara, chumps.
Hiyah!
Jade?
Now can I join
the j-team?
Well
But I mopped the floor
with ninja butt.
El solo me-o! Yipe!
No!
Where are you
taking me?
Jade!
No. Not here.
Not yet.
Nice of you
to join us, Jade.
Would you care to read
your essay to the class?
Essay?
Aah!
(Gasping)
5 more shopping days
till the end
of Summer vacation.
Yay.
Jackie, I keep having
the same weird dream.
I show up to
the first day of class
without my
"what I did during
Summer vacation" essay.
Gee, perhaps you should
start writing your essay.
Tch. You mean,
write about how boring
vacation's been?
We haven't seen
a single demon or ninja
or dark hand thug.
Mmm. My kind of Summer.
Black: Jackie.
Could I see you a moment?
Aye, cap'n!
Funny.
I did not hear him
say your name.
It involves Jade.
That would be moi.
What did she do?
Not Jade the niece.
Jade the stone.
Jackie: Oh, I recognize
these pieces.
Some of the finest examples
of emperor's Jade
ever to exist.
Until they vanished.
As you know,
the collections
of nearly a dozen
Chinese museums
have been hit over
the last decade,
and the thefts have
the same thing
in common.
No prints, no tracks,
no suspects.
Until now.
Section 13 agents
have been tracking
the movements
of taiwanese
billionaire
Bartholomew Chang.
His hand
Made of Jade.
(Door opens)
You rang?
Both: The stone.
Just checking.
Our biggest obstacle
is diplomatic.
The taiwanese government
believes Chang
to be its greatest
philanthropist.
That's why
we can't make a move
on his island fortress
without absolute proof
that he's stockpiling
the goods there.
And I can help you how?
Chang is about to host
his annual exclusive
martial arts tournament
ostensibly for charity.
But I believe Chang
uses the tournament
as an audition
to recruit muscle
for his private army,
and the guest
transportation
as a means
to smuggle Jade
onto the island
and off of it.
Ah. You want me
to attend the tournament
as a contestant?
And find the
(Whispers)
Jade.
Captain black,
no offense,
but this is way out
of Jackie's league.
This is a job for
The j-team!
El toro fuerte,
wrestler extraordinaire.
Viper, mistress of hapkido,
pilates, and krav maga.
Tohru, the big, strong
Er, sumo.
Uh, yes.
Captain black,
I am sorry
that my niece has
such an active
imagination.
I like it.
Good work, kid.
Tohru: Sumo?
But I am small
for a sumo.
Well, you'll just
have to eat more.
All part of
the training.
All right, t.,
assume the position.
Unh. Unh.
Rrrr!
Unh.
Unh.
Unh!
Now, the name of the game
is to stay in the ring,
capiche?
Unh.
Hiyah!
Unh!
(Gasps)
Earthquake!
You are very small
for a sumo.
Lesson number one:
Think big.
Thank you all
for coming
and for accepting
this mission.
I've taken
the Liberty
of assigning
each of you
a code name.
Hepcat.
Slippery McGee.
Fearless hyena.
The big bopper.
And you can
call me
When we get there
to let you know
we arrived safely.
But this was my idea.
The mission was gonna be
my perfect Summer getaway.
If I don't go,
paco doesn't go.
Paco is going, right?
Too dangerous.
Besides,
he is busy writing his
"what I did for
Summer vacation" essay.
Sorry, kiddo,
but let's you and me
go rollerblading
as soon
as I get back.
Sure thing, hepcat.
You're a real
master of disguise.
El toro fuerte
never removes his mask.
Wish I could remove
these pajamas.
Not used to such
a roomy fit.
According
- to captain black,
Chang gives a private tour
of his operations
to all tournament winners.
That would be the safest way
to gain access to the Jade.
(Fanfare plays)
Ready to go for the gold,
big bopper?
Oh!
Jade!
How did you--
captain black said
the boats were used
to smuggle Jade
onto the island, duh.
Ah! Not the niece,
the stone!
Let the tournament begin.
Jujitsu contestants,
approach
the competition stage.
Senor fuerte,
you're on.
How do you know?
Tch. Who'd you think
was gonna register you guys
for your bouts?
(Grunting)
Yes!
An intriguing derivation
of jujitsu.
Aaahhh!
Oh, no! The "bounce-off-
the-ropes" maneuver!
What ropes?
Uh-oh.
All: Aah!
(Groans)
The champion.
This ain't lucha libre,
àhandsome.
Ah, force of habit.
Iron fist contestants,
approach
the competition stage.
Show 'em who's boss,
fearless hyena.
(Grunting)
What?
Why did you
sign me up for that?
Hello?
"Greatest victory,
battle not fought."
Thought you liked to avoid
hand-to-hand combat.
How did Chang
lose his hand,
anyway?
Iron fist competition.
Heh heh. Bricks.
Owww!
Well, Jackie's out.
Not quite.
Best 2 out of 3.
Taibo: Contestants,
approach the competition
stage.
Viper's gonna rock
the tournament.
Hiyah!
The champion.
This clown suit's
really cramping
my style.
Sumo contestants,
approach the competition
stage.
It's up to you, t.
Think big.
Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big.
Think
Big.
Hello, tiny.
(Gulps)
Yeah.
Jade: Think big.
Huh?
Aaarrrgh!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
The champion!
Tohru, you da bomb.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I won?
I won!
(Knock on door)
Yes?
Uh, mmm.
Good evening,
uh, Mr. referee.
Taibo: Master Chang
requests your presence.
Chang has summoned tohru.
Jade will be pleased
to hear this.
No. Jade, eh,
Jade will be
pleased to remain
in her room.
(Footsteps approaching)
Sumo.
You fought like
a warrior today.
Uh, I--I have
an excellent trainer.
Chang enterprises can
compensate you beyond
your wildest dreams,
if you
dedicate yourself
to serving my empire.
Yes.
Very well.
(Beeping)
Champion, join
the privileged few.
Heh heh. Hello.
Now behold
One of my most
successful ventures.
Quilts.
All proceeds
go to charity.
Anything?
Song and dance.
Chang won't show
his true colors
until he's certain
he can trust tohru.
Chang: Cookies.
All proceeds
go to charity.
Yummy?
(Yawns)
Shh.
Jade.
Tohru has a visual.
Er, the niece,
not the stone.
I have to get her
out of there.
You'll jeopardize
the mission.
And Jade won't?
50-50.
Jade!
Hey!
Hiyah!
Huh?
(Beeping)
(Gasps)
Jade!
And over here,
the pride and Joy
of Chang enterprises
Basket weaving.
All proceeds go
You!
Aah!
This area
is off limits.
What are you
doing?
Looking for Jade.
What Jade? There is
no Jade here.
I see no Jade.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Jade, my niece,
not Jade the stone.
Uh, have you seen it--
uh--uh, I mean, her?
No? Well, it was very nice
seeing you again.
Uh, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Are you certain
you wish to serve me?
Of course, master Chang.
Then prove yourself, sumo.
Bury our intruder.
(Gasps)
Heh heh,
nice sumo.
Unh!
Aah!
All: Unh!
(All groan)
That was the best plan
you could come up with?
Yes.
This way!
Jade?
The niece
or the stone?
My Jade!
Destroy them!
El toro:
Not so fast.
You were gonna
start the party
without us?
Rematch.
Watch the hands.
Please! Not the hands!
I win.
Not the hands.
Ropes, por favor.
Not the hands.
Amigo! Tag team!
Owww!
Sorry.
(Whistle)
You!
(Gulps)
I have never
lost a match
until today.
We humble ourselves
before you.
Let us even the odds.
Destroy them!
(All yelling)
You can run, Chang,
but you can't hide
from the j-team.
Jackie could use
some helping hands.
Jade: Jackie!
Heh. Always brush
after soup?
Aah!
(Gagging)
Unh!
Unh.
The champion!
(All groaning)
Thinking big?
Livin' large.
Team, I hope
you'll consider
joining us
for future missions.
Mmm, well
Both: We would
be honored.
So this makes me
official, right?
Well, let's just say
the "j" in j-team
stands for more
than "Jackie."
And that's what I did
on my mondo coolio
Summer vacation.
Hey, Jackie,
what is rushu?
It's a little art.
It's like a dancing.
Like me, when I'm playing
badminton.
Choo, ooh, ooh.
We're doing
this kind of things.
You have your own style.
You learn something
from me, ok,
but later on you must
have your own style.
Yeah.