The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e01 Episode Script
Ghost Town, U.S.A.
1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
( Vacuum whirring loudly )
Alice!
Alice!
( Humming )
Alice! ( Yelps )
I'm sorry, did I scare
you? ( Turns off vacuum )
No, no, I always jump like that
when I vacuum the living room.
Listen, Alice, Mom and Dad
must have told you something
about the surprise.
All they said was, they were
bringing home a big surprise,
and we'd all get
to see it when they get here.
Alice, Alice.
Listen, if you give me a little hint,
I'll tell you a big secret.
Honey, I really don't know
what it is. Honest.
Look please do me a favor,
go tell your brothers and sisters
not to bother to try pumping me.
The well is dry.
Alice?
( Humming )
Alice.
Uh oh.
Sorry, Alice.
That's all right.
I've just got to learn
to be more touchable.
We finally got home.
And just in the nick of time, too.
Something wrong?
Yes, there certainly is.
You have got six children
and one housekeeper
dying of a disease called curiosity.
Well, I got just the cure for that.
Hey, kids, come on down!
Marcia, Greg?
Care to give me a little hint?
Not particularly.
BOBBY: Here we come.
What is it, Dad?
( Kids all talking excitedly )
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Yes, it's for all of you.
The surprise is for the whole family,
and if you'll hold it down to a little roar,
I'm going to show you.
Come on. Come on, over here.
All of you, look out the window there.
Alice, you, too.
We're going to see the big surprise.
Voilà the surprise.
( All exclaim )
JAN: It's a trailer!
PETER: It's the big, folding-down kind.
( All talking at once )
Hey, hey.
We're all going to go on a great, big trip
to Grand Canyon.
( Kids squeal and shout )
MIKE: Uh, Greg, listen.
I want you to open all these bags up
and make sure they're
in good condition, okay?
Okay, Dad.
Gee, I can't wait to get started.
Grand Canyon, wow!
Well, it's not just the canyon, Bob.
We can learn all about
the Indian tribes that live there
like the Havasupai, the Hopi,
Hualapai, Navajo.
How'd they get such strange names?
Well, each name
means something, Pete.
Like "Havasupai" for instance,
means "Great people
of blue-green running water."
How about my name, Dad,
does "Bobby" mean anything?
Yeah.
It means "Little man
with great, big, running mouth."
Hey, hey, come on, come on.
Hey, hey, come on.
Let's get a little work done "hyar."
Gee, I can't wait to get there.
Yeah. It must really be beautiful.
I want to meet the Indians
and see the cabooses.
That's "papooses."
A caboose is the back end of a train.
Oh. I thought it was
the back end of an Indian.
( laughing )
How's it going, girls?
Fine. We're just finishing packing.
Good now, mostly sweaters and jeans.
And remember, we leave bright
and early in the morning.
Can we go down to the
bottom of the canyon, too, Mom?
Sure, that's the most
exciting part of the trip.
One mile, straight down.
Wow.
How will we get down there?
Well, that's what makes it exciting.
We ride down by mule train.
Oh, good!
( Chuckling ): Boy.
What's so funny?
Can you see Alice on a mule?
She won't even ride on
the merry-go-round with me.
Listen, girls, uh,
I think we better wait
for the best psychological moment
to tell Alice about the mule.
When is that?
When she's sitting on it.
Okay, kids, you all set?
Come on, load up.
Everybody in.
( All giggling and chatting )
Uh hey, hey!
Listen, one last check.
Now, are you sure that you've taken care
of every detail that you're supposed to?
KIDS: Yes!
Are you positive that you
haven't forgotten anything?
( All talking at once )
Okay.
Grand Canyon, here we come.
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
Kids, listen, no dallying,
'cause I want to make that
trailer camp by nightfall.
Howdy. Want to fill 'er up, sir?
Yeah, we got a long
way to go, thanks. Good.
Hey, mister, where is the?
It's right up the stairs there, little buddy.
Hey, mister Got one
up there for you, too.
Where are y'all folks headed for?
Grand Canyon.
Boy, that place sure gets crowded
this time of year. Yeah.
Even the squirrels need reservations.
( laughing )
Don't you get it?
Even the squirrels Yeah, we get it.
But we'll be camping out. I see.
Listen, is there anything interesting
to see around this area?
No, not too much,
outside of Cactus Creek.
Cactus Creek?
Yeah, used to be a big gold boom there.
Ain't nothing but an old ghost town now.
Been deserted for years.
Ghost town! Hey Dad,
why don't we stop by?
( Kids all talking excitedly )
How far is this Cactus Creek?
Well, see, straight down the highway,
first dirt road turnoff, make a left,
go about 20 miles.
Oh, gee, we'd never make the
trailer camp by nightfall.
Why don't we camp out
at the ghost town instead?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, may we?
What do you think, honey?
Well, if that's what everybody wants,
it's okay with me. Oh, good.
Okay, ghost town it is.
Come on, pile in.
In you go.
Don't spill that.
Come on.
Well, let's see.
With the drinks, that'll be $6.50, sir.
Okay.
Cash money, if you don't mind.
Let's see, six
Six right.
Um, fifty. There we go.
Thank you. Thank you.
I appreciate the business.
All right, you kids,
now, don't let old ghost get you.
( laughs )
So long now.
Bye-bye. Have a good time.
( Tires squeal )
Alice!
( Alice shouts )
I thought I heard you drive off.
Hail, hail, the gang's all here ♪
What the heck do we care?
What the heck do we care? ♪
Hail, hail, the gang's all here ♪
What the heck do we care now? ♪
Hail, hail the gang's all
( wind whistling )
Wow, what a neat place!
BOBBY: Boy, this is going to be fun.
MARCIA: Yeah.
CINDY: Can we go look around, Daddy?
No, first we have to set up camp.
Come on, on the double,
everybody pitches in.
Sure is a neat old ghost town.
I don't like that word, "ghost town."
I bet we're the only ones
that ever camped out in a ghost town.
Hey, look!
Stand by it, and I'll take a picture of you.
I got a better idea.
We'll make a movie
The Great Stagecoach Robbery.
Who's gonna be the crook?
You.
You got shifty eyes.
Marcia, Jan, Cindy!
Yeah?
You want to be in a movie?
The Great Stagecoach Robbery.
GIRLS: Yeah, sure, that'd be fun!
I want to be the stagecoach driver.
Okay, Bobby, climb up.
Peter, you're the crook, right? Right.
That's 'cause he got shifty eyes.
You're going to be the first guy I shoot.
Come on, you guys,
let's start the robbery.
Okay. Marcia, can I borrow your scarf?
Sure.
Marcia, so you be the new schoolmarm
that's coming in to town.
And Jan and Cindy
two dance hall girls
coming to work in the saloon.
Okay. Okay.
( Singing a tune )
GREG: All right, all right.
Come on, get up into the stagecoach.
Come on. Come on, Cindy.
Everybody up.
Listen, stick your heads out the window.
We just get up here and sit in, right?
Yeah, right. CINDY: Oh, neato.
( Girls giggling )
Listen, when I say "action," Peter,
you run in on your horse
and stick them up.
Okay? Okay.
All right, everybody?
Action.
Whoa. Stick 'em up.
Hands high!
Whoa!
Bobby, you're supposed
to protect the gold
and your passengers. Protest.
You can't hold us up!
Pow, pow! Pow, pow, pow!
You shoot me again,
and I'm going to get mad.
Bobby, you're shot. Die.
I don't want to die yet.
I just started acting.
I said to die.
Okay.
Pow! Pow!
( Groaning )
( Gasping and crying in distress )
( Groaning dramatically )
Will you die already?
( Grunts )
Okay, everyone out and make it quick.
( Giggling )
Get their jewelry, Peter.
Give me all your jewelry!
Everything, see?
Dance hall girls, flirt with him
so he won't take your jewelry.
Hello, big boy.
You're kind of cute.
ALICE: Okay, kids
Greg, Marcia, everybody!
( Whistles )
( Metallic rattling )
Chow time!
Come and get it!
( Whistles )
Boy, that ought to raise
a few ghosts around here.
( Chuckles )
We can finish the robbery after we eat.
This is really great chicken, Alice.
( All agreeing )
Anybody want seconds?
There's plenty of fried chicken here.
ALL: Thanks!
It's all in my teeth.
Either my eyes are playing tricks on me,
or that chicken leg
got up and walked away.
From the looks of their equipment,
they plan to stay awhile.
Yes, sir, I wonder how they heard
about my strike, huh?
Well, it won't happen again.
No, sir, I know just how
to out slick them slickers.
Put a big smile on your face, Bessie
and don't do nothing suspicious.
There you go.
( Brays )
If this is a ghost town,
when do we get to see the ghosts?
There aren't really any ghosts, Cindy.
Absolutely. No ghosts.
No, they call it a ghost town
because that's all that's left
just the memory of what used to be.
Howdy, folks!
( Surprised exclamations )
Well, now, I didn't mean to frighten you.
I just wanted to welcome you.
Brown's my name Zaccariah T.
Me and Bessie want to welcome you
to Cactus Creek.
Thank you, Mr. Brown.
Brady's the name.
This is my wife and family and Alice.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
GREG: Hi, Mr. Brown.
Yeah, smells like
you got a way with chicken, ma'am.
I ain't eaten in three days.
There are crumbs in your whiskers.
I ain't washed in three days either.
Would you care to join us
in a bite, Mr. Brown?
Oh, yes just to be friendly.
What do you do in these parts?
We don't often see strangers.
Well, we're just passing through
on our way to the Grand Canyon.
We're going to find some gold.
Kind of figured that, young man.
Were you here during the
big gold boom, Mr. Brown?
Well, my granddaddy, he
made the first strike,
and then he built this town.
I tell you, the stories I could tell you
that would keep you bug-eyed.
ALL: Tell us, please!
We really would love
to hear some, Mr. Brown.
Well, I might be able to
if I had the right kind of encouragement.
Alice, do we have
any encouragement left there?
He's got a choice.
Would you like to be
encouraged by the neck
or the part that goes over the fence last?
Never could make decisions.
I'll take both kinds.
This whole thing
belonged to my granddaddy.
Now, this here
this is the blacksmith shop.
Smithy named Murphy.
Strongest man I ever saw.
He used to pick up
a horse under one arm
and he would shoe it with the other.
You wouldn't kid a man,
would you, Mr. Brown?
Oh, no, no, no.
Terrible thing about Murphy.
He got killed holding up a train.
Did he get shot?
No, he held it up as long as he could,
and it fell on him.
He landed on his caboose!
How do you like that?
Let's go on over here.
Now, this here is
what you might call the business center.
I tell you, uh, fancy people in carriages.
Oh, it was really something
back in the old days.
ALICE: Is this the saloon
where you used to whoop it up?
What, the saloon?
Oh, yeah, we had some real
window-rattlers in there.
I tell you, the boys
would come down from the hills
with a bag of gold
drinking, shooting and gambling.
Drinking, shooting and gambling.
Except on Sunday no gambling.
Oh, that's really very
touching, Mr. Brown.
I'll tell you something
very few folks know.
Kind of a crooked poker game in there
Jesse James went to jail
for the first time in his life.
Jesse James?!
Yes, sir, the one and only Jesse James.
I didn't know Jesse James
was ever in this part of the country.
Mr. Brady, you going to believe me
or those phony history books?
I can prove it.
You just follow me, and I'll show you.
Come on, follow me, let's go.
Yes, sir, you can't believe
everything you read
in them history books.
Learn the Old West
from one who knows it.
I knew a girl who lived in there.
Yes, sir, Jesse James.
And I'll tell you something: I can prove it.
Absolutely.
Jesse James carved his initials
right in the wall of this here jail.
Can we see it?
Course you can see it.
Here's your proof
here you are, right in here, yeah.
Over in that cell, that's
where you'll see the proof.
You think I don't know
what I'm talking about.
Right in the cell there, that's right.
Oh, go look on the wall.
Go right over there to the cot.
We don't see anything.
No, of course, it's over
in the lower left corner.
Now, all of you, move the cot, that's it.
( Cackles )
Hey, what are you doing?
What am I doing?
I'm stopping you slickers
from stealing my claim,
that's what I'm doing!
What claim?
What claim? Gold claim.
We don't want any gold.
Sure we do, Dad.
Bobby.
I'll take his word for it.
Look, Mr. Brown, I can assure you
we have no interest
Figured you can put one over
on Zaccariah T. Brown, did you?
Well, you got another think coming.
You have to get up early
in the morning every
( cackles ): I got you
there; You better believe it.
( Exclaiming )
Hey, he's taking the car and the trailer!
MIKE: Hey!
Mike, do something!
It's all right, honey.
I'm sure we can break out of here.
These bars must be rusted
halfway through.
Okay, all right, just watch.
Watch out, kids.
Careful.
Wow, that's pretty strong rust.
Honey, what are we going to do?
There must be a way out.
Hey, Dad, think we could use the key?
What key?
The one hanging on the post.
I just noticed it.
I thought that nutty old
prospector took the key.
MIKE: He did; I saw him take it.
There's two of 'em
one for the sheriff
and one for the deputy.
Oh?
Sure, that's the way
it always is in Westerns.
Well, that's it, then.
All we have to do is get the key.
I've seen a lot of cowboy movies.
All we have to do is wait for our gang
to ride into town and bust us out.
Oh, Bob. We don't have
a gang, dumb-dumb.
Hey, wait a second.
I once saw a Western
where a guy was in jail.
He went over to the window
and whistled for his horse.
( Whistling )
He's off again.
He took the rope off the saddle
and made a great big lasso.
He went over to the bars,
and he tied it on.
Hey, wait a minute! What?
I think I got it!
What? Who's got a belt?
Well, I do, but what
do you want a belt for?
To make a rope.
If you can rope a steer or a horse,
why not a key, huh?
Come on, Dad. Higher.
( Disappointed groans )
Okay.
( Disappointed groans )
All right, I-I think I've got a way this time.
CAROL: Yeah, that's
Okay.
( Exclaiming )
( Chattering excitedly )
( Disappointed groans )
Well, we'll have to go to plan "B."
What's plan "B"?
CAROL: Aw!
CAROL: Oh!
( Exclaiming )
Okay, now for the big guns.
Wow!
CAROL: Keep your fingers crossed.
Oh, please.
( Groaning )
( Cheering )
Okay, okay!
Now we're going to put
those socks to use.
CAROL: Boy, it's a good
thing I had my purse with me.
Hon, take your time.
MIKE: Hey!
That's good, right there.
Okay
Come on.
Easy. That's it, that's it.
Easy, easy.
Come on, come on.
MIKE: Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
That's it, come on.
( Cheering )
Hey, kids, come here. Hey, kids.
We're free,
but we're still stranded here, remember?
Honey, I'm going to try
to walk down to the main road
to see if I can't flag somebody down.
Mike, that's 20 miles from here.
Well, I can't think of any other way.
Besides, if it gets too hot,
I'll rest during the day
and walk at night.
Well, I don't like the idea of it.
I guess you're right.
Can I go with you, Dad?
You always say nobody
should hike alone.
Greg, I need a man to stay behind
to watch out for the others,
and I'm kind of counting
on you to do that for me, okay?
Yeah, all right.
Then can I go, Dad?
You think you're up to it?
I sure am.
Okay.
I'll get you some canteens of water.
We'll be waiting, and you be careful.
I wonder if they've reached
the highway yet.
How long have they been gone, anyway?
20 minutes.
My, how time flies
when you're having fun.
CAROL: No water, no food.
What if Mike and Peter
can't make it to the highway?
What's going to happen to them
to all of us?
ANNOUNCER: Don't miss
Part Two of the exciting
Brady Bunch Grand Canyon adventure
next week at this same time.
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
( Vacuum whirring loudly )
Alice!
Alice!
( Humming )
Alice! ( Yelps )
I'm sorry, did I scare
you? ( Turns off vacuum )
No, no, I always jump like that
when I vacuum the living room.
Listen, Alice, Mom and Dad
must have told you something
about the surprise.
All they said was, they were
bringing home a big surprise,
and we'd all get
to see it when they get here.
Alice, Alice.
Listen, if you give me a little hint,
I'll tell you a big secret.
Honey, I really don't know
what it is. Honest.
Look please do me a favor,
go tell your brothers and sisters
not to bother to try pumping me.
The well is dry.
Alice?
( Humming )
Alice.
Uh oh.
Sorry, Alice.
That's all right.
I've just got to learn
to be more touchable.
We finally got home.
And just in the nick of time, too.
Something wrong?
Yes, there certainly is.
You have got six children
and one housekeeper
dying of a disease called curiosity.
Well, I got just the cure for that.
Hey, kids, come on down!
Marcia, Greg?
Care to give me a little hint?
Not particularly.
BOBBY: Here we come.
What is it, Dad?
( Kids all talking excitedly )
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Yes, it's for all of you.
The surprise is for the whole family,
and if you'll hold it down to a little roar,
I'm going to show you.
Come on. Come on, over here.
All of you, look out the window there.
Alice, you, too.
We're going to see the big surprise.
Voilà the surprise.
( All exclaim )
JAN: It's a trailer!
PETER: It's the big, folding-down kind.
( All talking at once )
Hey, hey.
We're all going to go on a great, big trip
to Grand Canyon.
( Kids squeal and shout )
MIKE: Uh, Greg, listen.
I want you to open all these bags up
and make sure they're
in good condition, okay?
Okay, Dad.
Gee, I can't wait to get started.
Grand Canyon, wow!
Well, it's not just the canyon, Bob.
We can learn all about
the Indian tribes that live there
like the Havasupai, the Hopi,
Hualapai, Navajo.
How'd they get such strange names?
Well, each name
means something, Pete.
Like "Havasupai" for instance,
means "Great people
of blue-green running water."
How about my name, Dad,
does "Bobby" mean anything?
Yeah.
It means "Little man
with great, big, running mouth."
Hey, hey, come on, come on.
Hey, hey, come on.
Let's get a little work done "hyar."
Gee, I can't wait to get there.
Yeah. It must really be beautiful.
I want to meet the Indians
and see the cabooses.
That's "papooses."
A caboose is the back end of a train.
Oh. I thought it was
the back end of an Indian.
( laughing )
How's it going, girls?
Fine. We're just finishing packing.
Good now, mostly sweaters and jeans.
And remember, we leave bright
and early in the morning.
Can we go down to the
bottom of the canyon, too, Mom?
Sure, that's the most
exciting part of the trip.
One mile, straight down.
Wow.
How will we get down there?
Well, that's what makes it exciting.
We ride down by mule train.
Oh, good!
( Chuckling ): Boy.
What's so funny?
Can you see Alice on a mule?
She won't even ride on
the merry-go-round with me.
Listen, girls, uh,
I think we better wait
for the best psychological moment
to tell Alice about the mule.
When is that?
When she's sitting on it.
Okay, kids, you all set?
Come on, load up.
Everybody in.
( All giggling and chatting )
Uh hey, hey!
Listen, one last check.
Now, are you sure that you've taken care
of every detail that you're supposed to?
KIDS: Yes!
Are you positive that you
haven't forgotten anything?
( All talking at once )
Okay.
Grand Canyon, here we come.
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
Kids, listen, no dallying,
'cause I want to make that
trailer camp by nightfall.
Howdy. Want to fill 'er up, sir?
Yeah, we got a long
way to go, thanks. Good.
Hey, mister, where is the?
It's right up the stairs there, little buddy.
Hey, mister Got one
up there for you, too.
Where are y'all folks headed for?
Grand Canyon.
Boy, that place sure gets crowded
this time of year. Yeah.
Even the squirrels need reservations.
( laughing )
Don't you get it?
Even the squirrels Yeah, we get it.
But we'll be camping out. I see.
Listen, is there anything interesting
to see around this area?
No, not too much,
outside of Cactus Creek.
Cactus Creek?
Yeah, used to be a big gold boom there.
Ain't nothing but an old ghost town now.
Been deserted for years.
Ghost town! Hey Dad,
why don't we stop by?
( Kids all talking excitedly )
How far is this Cactus Creek?
Well, see, straight down the highway,
first dirt road turnoff, make a left,
go about 20 miles.
Oh, gee, we'd never make the
trailer camp by nightfall.
Why don't we camp out
at the ghost town instead?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, may we?
What do you think, honey?
Well, if that's what everybody wants,
it's okay with me. Oh, good.
Okay, ghost town it is.
Come on, pile in.
In you go.
Don't spill that.
Come on.
Well, let's see.
With the drinks, that'll be $6.50, sir.
Okay.
Cash money, if you don't mind.
Let's see, six
Six right.
Um, fifty. There we go.
Thank you. Thank you.
I appreciate the business.
All right, you kids,
now, don't let old ghost get you.
( laughs )
So long now.
Bye-bye. Have a good time.
( Tires squeal )
Alice!
( Alice shouts )
I thought I heard you drive off.
Hail, hail, the gang's all here ♪
What the heck do we care?
What the heck do we care? ♪
Hail, hail, the gang's all here ♪
What the heck do we care now? ♪
Hail, hail the gang's all
( wind whistling )
Wow, what a neat place!
BOBBY: Boy, this is going to be fun.
MARCIA: Yeah.
CINDY: Can we go look around, Daddy?
No, first we have to set up camp.
Come on, on the double,
everybody pitches in.
Sure is a neat old ghost town.
I don't like that word, "ghost town."
I bet we're the only ones
that ever camped out in a ghost town.
Hey, look!
Stand by it, and I'll take a picture of you.
I got a better idea.
We'll make a movie
The Great Stagecoach Robbery.
Who's gonna be the crook?
You.
You got shifty eyes.
Marcia, Jan, Cindy!
Yeah?
You want to be in a movie?
The Great Stagecoach Robbery.
GIRLS: Yeah, sure, that'd be fun!
I want to be the stagecoach driver.
Okay, Bobby, climb up.
Peter, you're the crook, right? Right.
That's 'cause he got shifty eyes.
You're going to be the first guy I shoot.
Come on, you guys,
let's start the robbery.
Okay. Marcia, can I borrow your scarf?
Sure.
Marcia, so you be the new schoolmarm
that's coming in to town.
And Jan and Cindy
two dance hall girls
coming to work in the saloon.
Okay. Okay.
( Singing a tune )
GREG: All right, all right.
Come on, get up into the stagecoach.
Come on. Come on, Cindy.
Everybody up.
Listen, stick your heads out the window.
We just get up here and sit in, right?
Yeah, right. CINDY: Oh, neato.
( Girls giggling )
Listen, when I say "action," Peter,
you run in on your horse
and stick them up.
Okay? Okay.
All right, everybody?
Action.
Whoa. Stick 'em up.
Hands high!
Whoa!
Bobby, you're supposed
to protect the gold
and your passengers. Protest.
You can't hold us up!
Pow, pow! Pow, pow, pow!
You shoot me again,
and I'm going to get mad.
Bobby, you're shot. Die.
I don't want to die yet.
I just started acting.
I said to die.
Okay.
Pow! Pow!
( Groaning )
( Gasping and crying in distress )
( Groaning dramatically )
Will you die already?
( Grunts )
Okay, everyone out and make it quick.
( Giggling )
Get their jewelry, Peter.
Give me all your jewelry!
Everything, see?
Dance hall girls, flirt with him
so he won't take your jewelry.
Hello, big boy.
You're kind of cute.
ALICE: Okay, kids
Greg, Marcia, everybody!
( Whistles )
( Metallic rattling )
Chow time!
Come and get it!
( Whistles )
Boy, that ought to raise
a few ghosts around here.
( Chuckles )
We can finish the robbery after we eat.
This is really great chicken, Alice.
( All agreeing )
Anybody want seconds?
There's plenty of fried chicken here.
ALL: Thanks!
It's all in my teeth.
Either my eyes are playing tricks on me,
or that chicken leg
got up and walked away.
From the looks of their equipment,
they plan to stay awhile.
Yes, sir, I wonder how they heard
about my strike, huh?
Well, it won't happen again.
No, sir, I know just how
to out slick them slickers.
Put a big smile on your face, Bessie
and don't do nothing suspicious.
There you go.
( Brays )
If this is a ghost town,
when do we get to see the ghosts?
There aren't really any ghosts, Cindy.
Absolutely. No ghosts.
No, they call it a ghost town
because that's all that's left
just the memory of what used to be.
Howdy, folks!
( Surprised exclamations )
Well, now, I didn't mean to frighten you.
I just wanted to welcome you.
Brown's my name Zaccariah T.
Me and Bessie want to welcome you
to Cactus Creek.
Thank you, Mr. Brown.
Brady's the name.
This is my wife and family and Alice.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
GREG: Hi, Mr. Brown.
Yeah, smells like
you got a way with chicken, ma'am.
I ain't eaten in three days.
There are crumbs in your whiskers.
I ain't washed in three days either.
Would you care to join us
in a bite, Mr. Brown?
Oh, yes just to be friendly.
What do you do in these parts?
We don't often see strangers.
Well, we're just passing through
on our way to the Grand Canyon.
We're going to find some gold.
Kind of figured that, young man.
Were you here during the
big gold boom, Mr. Brown?
Well, my granddaddy, he
made the first strike,
and then he built this town.
I tell you, the stories I could tell you
that would keep you bug-eyed.
ALL: Tell us, please!
We really would love
to hear some, Mr. Brown.
Well, I might be able to
if I had the right kind of encouragement.
Alice, do we have
any encouragement left there?
He's got a choice.
Would you like to be
encouraged by the neck
or the part that goes over the fence last?
Never could make decisions.
I'll take both kinds.
This whole thing
belonged to my granddaddy.
Now, this here
this is the blacksmith shop.
Smithy named Murphy.
Strongest man I ever saw.
He used to pick up
a horse under one arm
and he would shoe it with the other.
You wouldn't kid a man,
would you, Mr. Brown?
Oh, no, no, no.
Terrible thing about Murphy.
He got killed holding up a train.
Did he get shot?
No, he held it up as long as he could,
and it fell on him.
He landed on his caboose!
How do you like that?
Let's go on over here.
Now, this here is
what you might call the business center.
I tell you, uh, fancy people in carriages.
Oh, it was really something
back in the old days.
ALICE: Is this the saloon
where you used to whoop it up?
What, the saloon?
Oh, yeah, we had some real
window-rattlers in there.
I tell you, the boys
would come down from the hills
with a bag of gold
drinking, shooting and gambling.
Drinking, shooting and gambling.
Except on Sunday no gambling.
Oh, that's really very
touching, Mr. Brown.
I'll tell you something
very few folks know.
Kind of a crooked poker game in there
Jesse James went to jail
for the first time in his life.
Jesse James?!
Yes, sir, the one and only Jesse James.
I didn't know Jesse James
was ever in this part of the country.
Mr. Brady, you going to believe me
or those phony history books?
I can prove it.
You just follow me, and I'll show you.
Come on, follow me, let's go.
Yes, sir, you can't believe
everything you read
in them history books.
Learn the Old West
from one who knows it.
I knew a girl who lived in there.
Yes, sir, Jesse James.
And I'll tell you something: I can prove it.
Absolutely.
Jesse James carved his initials
right in the wall of this here jail.
Can we see it?
Course you can see it.
Here's your proof
here you are, right in here, yeah.
Over in that cell, that's
where you'll see the proof.
You think I don't know
what I'm talking about.
Right in the cell there, that's right.
Oh, go look on the wall.
Go right over there to the cot.
We don't see anything.
No, of course, it's over
in the lower left corner.
Now, all of you, move the cot, that's it.
( Cackles )
Hey, what are you doing?
What am I doing?
I'm stopping you slickers
from stealing my claim,
that's what I'm doing!
What claim?
What claim? Gold claim.
We don't want any gold.
Sure we do, Dad.
Bobby.
I'll take his word for it.
Look, Mr. Brown, I can assure you
we have no interest
Figured you can put one over
on Zaccariah T. Brown, did you?
Well, you got another think coming.
You have to get up early
in the morning every
( cackles ): I got you
there; You better believe it.
( Exclaiming )
Hey, he's taking the car and the trailer!
MIKE: Hey!
Mike, do something!
It's all right, honey.
I'm sure we can break out of here.
These bars must be rusted
halfway through.
Okay, all right, just watch.
Watch out, kids.
Careful.
Wow, that's pretty strong rust.
Honey, what are we going to do?
There must be a way out.
Hey, Dad, think we could use the key?
What key?
The one hanging on the post.
I just noticed it.
I thought that nutty old
prospector took the key.
MIKE: He did; I saw him take it.
There's two of 'em
one for the sheriff
and one for the deputy.
Oh?
Sure, that's the way
it always is in Westerns.
Well, that's it, then.
All we have to do is get the key.
I've seen a lot of cowboy movies.
All we have to do is wait for our gang
to ride into town and bust us out.
Oh, Bob. We don't have
a gang, dumb-dumb.
Hey, wait a second.
I once saw a Western
where a guy was in jail.
He went over to the window
and whistled for his horse.
( Whistling )
He's off again.
He took the rope off the saddle
and made a great big lasso.
He went over to the bars,
and he tied it on.
Hey, wait a minute! What?
I think I got it!
What? Who's got a belt?
Well, I do, but what
do you want a belt for?
To make a rope.
If you can rope a steer or a horse,
why not a key, huh?
Come on, Dad. Higher.
( Disappointed groans )
Okay.
( Disappointed groans )
All right, I-I think I've got a way this time.
CAROL: Yeah, that's
Okay.
( Exclaiming )
( Chattering excitedly )
( Disappointed groans )
Well, we'll have to go to plan "B."
What's plan "B"?
CAROL: Aw!
CAROL: Oh!
( Exclaiming )
Okay, now for the big guns.
Wow!
CAROL: Keep your fingers crossed.
Oh, please.
( Groaning )
( Cheering )
Okay, okay!
Now we're going to put
those socks to use.
CAROL: Boy, it's a good
thing I had my purse with me.
Hon, take your time.
MIKE: Hey!
That's good, right there.
Okay
Come on.
Easy. That's it, that's it.
Easy, easy.
Come on, come on.
MIKE: Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
That's it, come on.
( Cheering )
Hey, kids, come here. Hey, kids.
We're free,
but we're still stranded here, remember?
Honey, I'm going to try
to walk down to the main road
to see if I can't flag somebody down.
Mike, that's 20 miles from here.
Well, I can't think of any other way.
Besides, if it gets too hot,
I'll rest during the day
and walk at night.
Well, I don't like the idea of it.
I guess you're right.
Can I go with you, Dad?
You always say nobody
should hike alone.
Greg, I need a man to stay behind
to watch out for the others,
and I'm kind of counting
on you to do that for me, okay?
Yeah, all right.
Then can I go, Dad?
You think you're up to it?
I sure am.
Okay.
I'll get you some canteens of water.
We'll be waiting, and you be careful.
I wonder if they've reached
the highway yet.
How long have they been gone, anyway?
20 minutes.
My, how time flies
when you're having fun.
CAROL: No water, no food.
What if Mike and Peter
can't make it to the highway?
What's going to happen to them
to all of us?
ANNOUNCER: Don't miss
Part Two of the exciting
Brady Bunch Grand Canyon adventure
next week at this same time.