Two Sentence Horror Stories (2017) s03e01 Episode Script
Crush
1
[SQUEAKING AND SKITTERING]
MABEL: Oh, there you are,
you wicked thing.
[LAUGHS] Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Mabel dear, please put that beast away.
It's unhygienic.
Don't listen to Auntie Jane, sweetness.
[COOS]
- Tea?
- Thank you.
Juice?
[SLURPS]
- Jam?
- Just butter.
- Bacon?
- Not today.
Seth says that we have
to watch our cholesterol.
[GASPS]
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Did you have a chance to check
the cell phone this morning?
Dear, men loathe a needy
woman, your son included.
I'm not needy, I'm a mother.
Mothers are allowed to wonder
if their little boy has called.
Tom is not a little boy.
He's a selfish nitwit who
only cares for himself.
I was just asking to check my messages.
You always keep that
phone under lock and key.
Because I pay for it.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Seth.
Sounds like that caretaker
my selfish son has hired for us is here.
Seth, you're early.
[SMOOCHING]
Hello ladies.
I've got your mail and Jane,
I brought you a present.
Oh! Daddy Long Legs.
JANE: That was Tom's favorite as a boy.
I'm glad you like it.
Well, since I'm here,
should we start your health checks?
Jane and I play chess
at 10:00 on Tuesdays.
- Oh.
- We'll play after, Mabel.
Let's not waste Seth's time.
- Follow me, dear.
- After you.
Um, that's a very lovely
necklace you're wearing, Jane.
It's part of a set my husband
gave me on our wedding day.
Oh, thank you for this.
When he was little
Tom would beg me to read
parts of it every night.
[LAUGHS]
Jane, have you had a
chance to think about
what we talked about yesterday?
You know, Sunset Oaks
has room service, maids,
they even have their own theater.
I mean, don't you think
Mabel would love to
perform on stage again?
I can't imagine Mabel
would feel comfortable
in a place like this.
She adores this house.
You, you seem to really
value her opinion.
Life is hard as you get older.
As the rest of the world looks away,
Mabel has always looked out for me.
It's her money that has kept
us afloat all these years.
Of course, but if you moved
into a place like Sunset Oaks,
Tom wouldn't have to
worry about Mabel's rats
biting your grandkids.
You know, between you and me,
he told me that he thinks
Mabel keeps the rats
to prevent him and his family
from coming to visit you.
What?
[SIGHS]
Mabel? Jane said that
you fell twice last week
because of your knee.
You have to start using your walker.
So.
How much is Tom paying you to spy on us?
I called to ask why he hired you.
The brat never called back.
Jane said Tom never calls.
He used to call all the
time leaving rude messages.
Devastating messages that
would've destroyed Jane
had she heard them.
I told him that unless he
had something nice to say
to never contact her again.
JANE: Tom called me?
MABEL: Don't give me
that wounded animal look.
I was looking out for
you like I always do.
[ECHOING] Like I always do.
Like I always do.
Your son is a no good user.
[VOICE ECHOING]
Like I always do. Like I always do.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SCREAMING]
[FUNERAL MUSIC]
MABEL: I am so, so sorry my darling.
[SOBBING]
Farewell.
Okay. I may have been
a tad dramatic last night.
But I've been asking for
my messages every day.
[SLURPS]
You lied to me.
Don't you see how cruel that was?
For goodness sakes, say something!
Why aren't you drinking your tea?
[SLURPS]
[METAL CLANGING]
[GASPS]
What did you do?!
Oh, no!
Mabel, no. You cut his eyes out!
[SOBBING]
[TEARFULLY] Oh, Tommy!
[GASPING]
JANE: Tommy!
Mom? It's Tom.
Tommy?
TOM: I'm sorry, but I don't
think it's a good idea
for you to come visit us at Christmas.
TOM: The kids are still upset
over what happened at Thanksgiving.
I think it's best if
you just stayed away.
Mabel, I know you're doing this!
TOM: Mom, I don't get it.
Stop it!
Stop it right now!
TOM: Mom, I've told you a hundred times,
it's inappropriate for
you to call my assistant.
It's Tom.
Mom, I can't handle it anymore.
I come home from work and
there's all these messages
on the machine from you
crying hysterically.
Dad was right, you really are unhinged.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Mabel, is this an original?
It is.
Oh, my God. Are these all originals?
Salvador, Pablo, Georgia.
Oh, they were all big fans of my work.
And if I'm being honest, they
all had little crushes on me.
Eat up before it gets cold.
Brie? Munster?
No, um, I'm really not
very hungry, thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Where's Jane?
Sulking.
We had a disagreement.
Oh.
It can't be easy for Jane,
having a famous sister.
Especially when you share the same face.
Jane told me, um, your injury
was from your dancing days.
Was it from "Flight of the Roses"?
What do you know about
"Flight of the Roses"?
Oh, only that my
parents saw it six times.
They would rave about the
transcendent Mable Laurent.
[LAUGHS]
To be honest Mabel,
um, getting to meet you
was the reason I was so
thrilled to take this job.
Oh darling, you should've said.
What was it like, living the dream?
Magical.
Everywhere I went heads would turn.
I would throw the most
exclusive, wonderful parties.
Everyone wanted to come.
At night, I would get on stage
and the audience would cheer my name.
[APPLAUSE]
[SINGING IN THE DISTANCE]
Is that
Mabel, is that you singing?
No, she wouldn't!
Damn you, Jane! Turn it off!
Turn it off right now!
No, I won't.
Oh Mabel, that's you?
-
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Is this thing on?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
As today's kids say, payback is a bitch!
Jane! How could you?
How could you embarrass me like this?
You're lucky that's all I did!
Ladies? Where are you?
Put down my wedding gown!
It's off limits!
Where did you get that film?
How many years have you been
waiting to humiliate me with it?
Put it down. Put it down!
Give it to me!
[FABRIC TEARING]
No!
I've done you a favor.
You never should've married
that poor excuse of a man
in the first place.
SETH: Ladies, please calm down!
Come on.
MABEL: Jane, Jane, where are you going?
Ladies, you need to
stop this fighting now.
Tom will be very upset about this.
No. Jane no! That's all I have!
No!
You jealous brat.
You were always bitter
that I was a star.
Bitter?
Ha!
I hated sharing the same face as you!
I couldn't set foot at the grocers
without being called a floozy!
Better a floozy than a bore!
I was happy till you
came to live with us.
And Harry couldn't stand
having a whore in the house!
Oh, is that why he put
you in that sanitarium
after he left you?
SETH: Ladies, where are you?
I had to halt my comeback
to take care of you!
You ruined my life!
Well, you ruined my life!
You didn't have a life to ruin.
All you had was a floundering
husband and a brat of a child
who wishes you were dead!
[FRENZIED SCREAMING]
[CRASHING]
Oh my
My babies.
Oh, my darlings.
[SOBBING]
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
Ladies, is everything okay?
[MABEL SOBBING]
[RATTLING]
JANE: Tom's baby teeth?
Where did you find those?
Give it to me!
Ah, ah!
No!
[SOBBING]
What?
Tommy.
[PAINED WAILING]
J-J-Jane?
[SOBBING]
My dear.
Are you all right?
Is this Seth's bag?
[GASPS]
That louse.
He stole from us.
[SOBBING]
Jane, what's going on?
It's from Charlotte. Tom's wife.
"Dear Jane.
"I know you haven't spoken
to Tom in some time,
"but I fear it is my
duty to tell you that"
Tommy's dead.
[SOBBING]
Cancer.
They found it too late.
My baby is no more.
[SOBBING]
SETH: Jane?
Mabel?
I really don't want to be late
for my appointment with Tom.
What?
[CREAKING]
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
What?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[PAINED GRUNTS]
Hello?
[SKITTERING SOUNDS]
All right, this isn't funny anymore!
Turn the lights on right now!
Hello?
JANE: Seth dear.
Jane?
JANE: We've been looking for you.
Mabel and I have made up.
MABEL: Jane's told me all
about Sunset Oaks, Seth.
Could you help us
with the arrangement.
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
I just need you to sign some paperwork.
Where are you?
JANE: Follow the sound
of our voices, dear.
You'll find us in no time.
JANE: Over here!
Over here.
Jane?
Jane?
[YELLS IN PAIN]
Do you need some help, darling?
[GRUNTS]
You crazy bitch.
[YELLING]
[SETH GROANING]
I heard you were
a lousy caretaker to my son
in his last days.
We called Tom's widow
while you were sleeping.
It seems that you have a
history of tricking people
into giving you their power of attorney
when they're dying and
at their most vulnerable.
Then you steal their monies and homes
and throw them on the street like trash.
Tom hated you.
Both of you.
He said you were a couple of lunatics
who turned this gold mine
of a house into a dump.
And he was right.
He was right!
[COUGHING]
- Oh Seth dear.
- You look unwell.
BOTH: Let us take care of you.
BOTH: To our health.
[HOT JAZZ PLAYS]
Pass the cheeses, would you dear?
Certainly.
Thank you so much.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, good morning you wicked thing.
Oh, oh, are you hungry?
JANE: Eat up dear.
We have a fun day ahead.
- Paper?
- Thank you, dear.
Oh, my goodness.
Do you know, I didn't
hear you snore last night.
That's because I had
the most wonderful dream.
[SQUEAKING AND SKITTERING]
MABEL: Oh, there you are,
you wicked thing.
[LAUGHS] Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Mabel dear, please put that beast away.
It's unhygienic.
Don't listen to Auntie Jane, sweetness.
[COOS]
- Tea?
- Thank you.
Juice?
[SLURPS]
- Jam?
- Just butter.
- Bacon?
- Not today.
Seth says that we have
to watch our cholesterol.
[GASPS]
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Did you have a chance to check
the cell phone this morning?
Dear, men loathe a needy
woman, your son included.
I'm not needy, I'm a mother.
Mothers are allowed to wonder
if their little boy has called.
Tom is not a little boy.
He's a selfish nitwit who
only cares for himself.
I was just asking to check my messages.
You always keep that
phone under lock and key.
Because I pay for it.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Seth.
Sounds like that caretaker
my selfish son has hired for us is here.
Seth, you're early.
[SMOOCHING]
Hello ladies.
I've got your mail and Jane,
I brought you a present.
Oh! Daddy Long Legs.
JANE: That was Tom's favorite as a boy.
I'm glad you like it.
Well, since I'm here,
should we start your health checks?
Jane and I play chess
at 10:00 on Tuesdays.
- Oh.
- We'll play after, Mabel.
Let's not waste Seth's time.
- Follow me, dear.
- After you.
Um, that's a very lovely
necklace you're wearing, Jane.
It's part of a set my husband
gave me on our wedding day.
Oh, thank you for this.
When he was little
Tom would beg me to read
parts of it every night.
[LAUGHS]
Jane, have you had a
chance to think about
what we talked about yesterday?
You know, Sunset Oaks
has room service, maids,
they even have their own theater.
I mean, don't you think
Mabel would love to
perform on stage again?
I can't imagine Mabel
would feel comfortable
in a place like this.
She adores this house.
You, you seem to really
value her opinion.
Life is hard as you get older.
As the rest of the world looks away,
Mabel has always looked out for me.
It's her money that has kept
us afloat all these years.
Of course, but if you moved
into a place like Sunset Oaks,
Tom wouldn't have to
worry about Mabel's rats
biting your grandkids.
You know, between you and me,
he told me that he thinks
Mabel keeps the rats
to prevent him and his family
from coming to visit you.
What?
[SIGHS]
Mabel? Jane said that
you fell twice last week
because of your knee.
You have to start using your walker.
So.
How much is Tom paying you to spy on us?
I called to ask why he hired you.
The brat never called back.
Jane said Tom never calls.
He used to call all the
time leaving rude messages.
Devastating messages that
would've destroyed Jane
had she heard them.
I told him that unless he
had something nice to say
to never contact her again.
JANE: Tom called me?
MABEL: Don't give me
that wounded animal look.
I was looking out for
you like I always do.
[ECHOING] Like I always do.
Like I always do.
Your son is a no good user.
[VOICE ECHOING]
Like I always do. Like I always do.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SCREAMING]
[FUNERAL MUSIC]
MABEL: I am so, so sorry my darling.
[SOBBING]
Farewell.
Okay. I may have been
a tad dramatic last night.
But I've been asking for
my messages every day.
[SLURPS]
You lied to me.
Don't you see how cruel that was?
For goodness sakes, say something!
Why aren't you drinking your tea?
[SLURPS]
[METAL CLANGING]
[GASPS]
What did you do?!
Oh, no!
Mabel, no. You cut his eyes out!
[SOBBING]
[TEARFULLY] Oh, Tommy!
[GASPING]
JANE: Tommy!
Mom? It's Tom.
Tommy?
TOM: I'm sorry, but I don't
think it's a good idea
for you to come visit us at Christmas.
TOM: The kids are still upset
over what happened at Thanksgiving.
I think it's best if
you just stayed away.
Mabel, I know you're doing this!
TOM: Mom, I don't get it.
Stop it!
Stop it right now!
TOM: Mom, I've told you a hundred times,
it's inappropriate for
you to call my assistant.
It's Tom.
Mom, I can't handle it anymore.
I come home from work and
there's all these messages
on the machine from you
crying hysterically.
Dad was right, you really are unhinged.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Mabel, is this an original?
It is.
Oh, my God. Are these all originals?
Salvador, Pablo, Georgia.
Oh, they were all big fans of my work.
And if I'm being honest, they
all had little crushes on me.
Eat up before it gets cold.
Brie? Munster?
No, um, I'm really not
very hungry, thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Where's Jane?
Sulking.
We had a disagreement.
Oh.
It can't be easy for Jane,
having a famous sister.
Especially when you share the same face.
Jane told me, um, your injury
was from your dancing days.
Was it from "Flight of the Roses"?
What do you know about
"Flight of the Roses"?
Oh, only that my
parents saw it six times.
They would rave about the
transcendent Mable Laurent.
[LAUGHS]
To be honest Mabel,
um, getting to meet you
was the reason I was so
thrilled to take this job.
Oh darling, you should've said.
What was it like, living the dream?
Magical.
Everywhere I went heads would turn.
I would throw the most
exclusive, wonderful parties.
Everyone wanted to come.
At night, I would get on stage
and the audience would cheer my name.
[APPLAUSE]
[SINGING IN THE DISTANCE]
Is that
Mabel, is that you singing?
No, she wouldn't!
Damn you, Jane! Turn it off!
Turn it off right now!
No, I won't.
Oh Mabel, that's you?
-
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Is this thing on?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
As today's kids say, payback is a bitch!
Jane! How could you?
How could you embarrass me like this?
You're lucky that's all I did!
Ladies? Where are you?
Put down my wedding gown!
It's off limits!
Where did you get that film?
How many years have you been
waiting to humiliate me with it?
Put it down. Put it down!
Give it to me!
[FABRIC TEARING]
No!
I've done you a favor.
You never should've married
that poor excuse of a man
in the first place.
SETH: Ladies, please calm down!
Come on.
MABEL: Jane, Jane, where are you going?
Ladies, you need to
stop this fighting now.
Tom will be very upset about this.
No. Jane no! That's all I have!
No!
You jealous brat.
You were always bitter
that I was a star.
Bitter?
Ha!
I hated sharing the same face as you!
I couldn't set foot at the grocers
without being called a floozy!
Better a floozy than a bore!
I was happy till you
came to live with us.
And Harry couldn't stand
having a whore in the house!
Oh, is that why he put
you in that sanitarium
after he left you?
SETH: Ladies, where are you?
I had to halt my comeback
to take care of you!
You ruined my life!
Well, you ruined my life!
You didn't have a life to ruin.
All you had was a floundering
husband and a brat of a child
who wishes you were dead!
[FRENZIED SCREAMING]
[CRASHING]
Oh my
My babies.
Oh, my darlings.
[SOBBING]
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
Ladies, is everything okay?
[MABEL SOBBING]
[RATTLING]
JANE: Tom's baby teeth?
Where did you find those?
Give it to me!
Ah, ah!
No!
[SOBBING]
What?
Tommy.
[PAINED WAILING]
J-J-Jane?
[SOBBING]
My dear.
Are you all right?
Is this Seth's bag?
[GASPS]
That louse.
He stole from us.
[SOBBING]
Jane, what's going on?
It's from Charlotte. Tom's wife.
"Dear Jane.
"I know you haven't spoken
to Tom in some time,
"but I fear it is my
duty to tell you that"
Tommy's dead.
[SOBBING]
Cancer.
They found it too late.
My baby is no more.
[SOBBING]
SETH: Jane?
Mabel?
I really don't want to be late
for my appointment with Tom.
What?
[CREAKING]
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
What?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[PAINED GRUNTS]
Hello?
[SKITTERING SOUNDS]
All right, this isn't funny anymore!
Turn the lights on right now!
Hello?
JANE: Seth dear.
Jane?
JANE: We've been looking for you.
Mabel and I have made up.
MABEL: Jane's told me all
about Sunset Oaks, Seth.
Could you help us
with the arrangement.
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
I just need you to sign some paperwork.
Where are you?
JANE: Follow the sound
of our voices, dear.
You'll find us in no time.
JANE: Over here!
Over here.
Jane?
Jane?
[YELLS IN PAIN]
Do you need some help, darling?
[GRUNTS]
You crazy bitch.
[YELLING]
[SETH GROANING]
I heard you were
a lousy caretaker to my son
in his last days.
We called Tom's widow
while you were sleeping.
It seems that you have a
history of tricking people
into giving you their power of attorney
when they're dying and
at their most vulnerable.
Then you steal their monies and homes
and throw them on the street like trash.
Tom hated you.
Both of you.
He said you were a couple of lunatics
who turned this gold mine
of a house into a dump.
And he was right.
He was right!
[COUGHING]
- Oh Seth dear.
- You look unwell.
BOTH: Let us take care of you.
BOTH: To our health.
[HOT JAZZ PLAYS]
Pass the cheeses, would you dear?
Certainly.
Thank you so much.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, good morning you wicked thing.
Oh, oh, are you hungry?
JANE: Eat up dear.
We have a fun day ahead.
- Paper?
- Thank you, dear.
Oh, my goodness.
Do you know, I didn't
hear you snore last night.
That's because I had
the most wonderful dream.