Happy Days (1974) s03e02 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Marion, will you look at this?
Joanie's been up to her magic tricks again.
Will you look at this hat?
Oh, there are my eggs.
Thank goodness.
Thank goodness?
Eggs in my hat?
I'm sorry, dear. I'll speak to her.
Richard, would you like to get the paper?
No, thanks, Dad, I'll read it later.
For me.
Oh sure.
Marion, did you hear a lot of noise last night?
Just you snoring.
I don't snore!
Well, then, I heard a lot of noise.
I bet it was Maserelli's dogs in the garbage cans again.
You know, they'll eat anything.
Bet they even ate our paper!
There, you see? No paper.
It's awful.
I never saw anything like it.
What's the matter, Richard?
Out there it's terrible.
What's terrible?
Fonzie's motorcycle.
Did he park it in the driveway again?
Your father gets so upset.
Now he promised to park it in front of the house.
Is it in the driveway?
Yes, it's in the driveway, and it's in the street,
and it's in the yard, and it's in the flower garden
and there's an exhaust pipe in the mailbox!
Somebody tried to mail his motorcycle?
I don't understand.
Mom, somebody totaled Fonzie's bike
and threw it all over the yard.
Was Arthur in an accident?
No, I was up when he came in last night.
It must have happened after he went to sleep.
What is that, dear?
Well, I think it used to be a rear-view mirror, Marion.
It fell out of a tree.
You know, I have never seen such a mess in my whole life.
There's even something in the mailbox.
That's an exhaust pipe, dear.
Hey, good morning, everybody. How are you?
Beautiful day, beautiful day.
Thanks for filling my thermos, Mrs. C.
I've got to tell you, today is the day
that I work on Rocky Lembeck's '49 Merc.
What a classy piece of machinery.
I mean, I'll tell you something,
it makes a guy feel great just lifting up that hood.
What's the matter?
Nothing, Fonz.
Well, there is one little thing
Yeah, well make it fast, would you, I'm in a rush.
Well, it's it's about uh uh Joanie,
and her new magic tricks.
Go ahead, Joanie, show Fonz
one of your great new magic tricks.
Sit on it, Richie.
Let me tell you something.
A kid going to school is not a thrilling trick.
I've got to go to work.
Now wait, wait, wait a minute, Fonzie
Look, you know how some days you wake up in the morning
and you think you've got a big day ahead,
and then, as the day goes on, it sort of, uh, uh
becomes even bigger than you planned.
You know what I mean?
No.
See ya.
Don't go out there, Fonz.
Now wait a minute, I don't have time for this.
I want to get on my bike and go to work.
Would you settle for one out of two?
All right, now, what are you trying to tell me, huh?
There's something out there you don't want me to see?
There's something bad out there, huh?
You don't want me to go out there?
You could take the bus to work, Fonz.
It's a great way to meet chicks.
Show him, Marion.
Hey, that's my re My bike!
Well look, he had to know.
He's an adult, he can take it.
It's not the end of the world.
I mean, it's just a motorcycle.
I'm sorry, Fonz.
Yeah, I know.
Thanks for coming.
That's the last of it.
Except for the headlight.
We couldn't find that.
But we're still looking for it.
Mrs. Cunningham is up on the roof.
Hey, I can fix that.
Hand me the sprocket wrench over there, will you?
You really think you can fix it?
Of course I can fix it, I'm the best, right?
I mean, I know it looks bad and everything,
but, like, you just need patience and time.
It's like a puzzle,
you just put the pieces together, and
This is junk!
I can't fix that!
I might be the best, but I'm not Oral Roberts!
What kind of maniac would do something like this?
What kind of twisted brain would leave all the
all this mangled and twisted
Fonzie, it's just a motorcycle.
Just a motorcycle?
Mr. C., just a motorcycle?
I thought you were a sensitive person.
This is not just a motorcycle.
This was a very close friend.
Well now, don't you think
you're carrying this a bit too far?
Well, I'll let you in on a well-kept secret.
I wasn't always the cool person
you see standing before you here today.
I see you're shocked.
Yes, there was a very, very brief time during which
I was a nerd.
Yeah I was a turkey.
And I want to tell you, I tried everything
ducktails, tight jeans, taps on my shoes nothing worked.
Nothing, until
until it came along.
Mr. C., it made me different, it made me special.
My bike made me "The Fonz."
We have done a lot together yeah.
Drag races, gang fights
a year and a half of high school.
And now, it is all over.
Just a motorcycle, Mr. C.?
And I suppose your mother was just a mother.
Gee, Fonz, I, uh, I guess I had it all wrong.
Fonz, I know that your bike can never be
replaced, but with the insurance money
No insurance.
- No insurance?
- No insurance!
No insurance!
They didn't think The Fonz was
a good risk, and I'll tell you why.
When you're this cool, they're out to get you.
That's crazy.
Yeah, I know, I'm going crazy, I'm going nutso!
I mean, my bike hasn't been
gone for about an hour and a half,
and already I'm turning back into a turkey!
I need time to think.
I need to be alone.
If your heartaches seem to hang around too long ♪
Come on.
Smile.
Hi, Fonz.
Hey, Fonz, how's it going?
Okay if we sit down?
Saw your new wheels outside.
Great looking tow truck.
You could start a whole new fad.
Girls can get your phone number off the side door, and
if you see a chick you like, you can
just hook her up and haul her away.
What are you doing, Weber?
He He's just trying to cheer you up, Fonz.
Yeah, I mean, the rain may fall,
but let a smile be your umbrella.
How'd you like that umbrella up your nose?
Oh, sure, Fonz, whatever.
Hi, guys. What's shaking?
Hey, Ralph, did you hear the news about Fonz's bike?
News, what news? I haven't heard any news.
I haven't even listened to the radio all day.
So I've heard no news at all. I know absolutely nothing new!
It happened last night.
Well, there, that explains it.
I had dinner with my parents last night,
then watched Amos and Andy,
and 16 minutes of My Little Margie,
went up to my room and did geography and Spanish homework,
went to sleep at 10:22. Right.
So there's no way I would know what happened last night.
Why do you ask?
He didn't.
He didn't ask. You didn't ask, nobody asked.
Quit clowning around, Ralph.
Can't you see The Fonz is upset?
He got his bike busted up.
Boy, somebody just creamed it.
I mean, every little piece of the bike was busted up.
The handlebars The umbrella, Potsie!
Sorry, Fonz.
What kind of a guy would do something like that?
What kind of maniac?
You got me.
I mean, you know what a twisted mind it was?
My carburetor was found in a potted plant.
You know something?
It probably wasn't one lone person.
No, it was, it was probably a gang
of crazed vandals from out of state.
You know, the kind without freckles.
You hear about them all the time.
They're probably all gone by now.
Crazed vandals?
Without freckles?
I can't listen to this.
I've got to go sit in my truck.
I was just getting him cheered up
when you came along and got him upset again.
I better go talk to him.
I think he wants to be alone.
Who wants to be alone when you've got me?
It's really terrible, Rich.
I mean it really makes you wonder, you never know. Yeah?
I guess it makes Fonzie wonder, too. Yeah?
What's he wondering, Rich?
Ralph, what's the matter with you?
Nothing, nothing.
I was just wondering
like, I guess Fonzie doesn't even have any clues
as to as to who, who the gang is, huh?
None.
Well that's too bad.
Ralph, do you know something about this
that you're not telling me?
Sure!
Blame it on me, everyone always blames Ralph.
I wasn't blaming you.
You will. Well, go ahead, I don't care
I've got nothing to hide.
Hey, guys. I got nothing to hide.
What? I want to tell you something
Nerd nose here got a plan figured the whole thing out.
First time in his life.
He's wrong!
What do you mean, he's wrong?
He got a plan he's going to catch the guy.
You got a witness?
No, better than that.
I've got tire tracks on the lawn.
I make a print of those tracks
and match it to the guilty car.
Just like they do on, uh
- Highway Patrol.
- Highway Patrol.
Oh, that'll probably take a really long time, huh, Fonz?
Oh, no, on Highway Patrol,
Broderick Crawford caught the guy in 24 hours.
That fast? Yeah.
I hate that show!
And I got whole new reason to live
Revenge!
Revenge.
Bye-bye love ♪
Bye-bye happiness ♪
Hello loneliness ♪
I think I'm gonna die ♪
Bye-bye love ♪
Rich, Rich, I'd like to talk to you for a minute in private.
Hey, Ralph, how come you're all dressed up? No reason.
Richie, come here, could we talk for a minute, please?
How come the suitcase?
Uh, Richie wanted to see it.
Yeah, Rich? How come?
Uh, I love luggage.
All right, Ralph, why are you dressed up
and carrying a suitcase?
Look, Rich, let's just say I'm taking a little trip
and leave it at that, okay?
Where are you going? West.
West. Okay, how long are you going be west?
I don't know two, three years.
Look, Ralph, I've got to tell you, running away
is not the answer.
Running? Who's running?
You have to be guilty of something to run.
I'm not guilty of anything.
Do I look like a guilty person?
Yeah. You're right, I'm guilty. I did it.
I wrecked Fonzie's bike! I wrecked Fonzie's bike!
I was the one! Yes, it was me!
There, I've said it!
Boy, do I feel better.
What a load of guilty off my chest.
You knew it all the time, didn't you?
Just a lucky guess.
Now come on out of there and tell me exactly what happened.
Okay, I'll tell.
First, I had a late date with Lola Spasky.
The ticket girl at the Rialto.
That's her. And believe me, Rich,
tearing tickets is not her only talent.
Well anyway, after my date,
I was coming over to tell you about it
And you ran over Fonzie's bike.
I didn't see it!
He never parks in the street, always in the driveway,
never in the street.
Why did he park it in the street?
Ralph, all that damage, how did you do all that?
Well, after I ran over it, the first time
How many times did you run over it?
It's hard to say.
The whole night is a blur.
You see, I ran over it and I panicked.
Then I backed up over it.
It got caught in my back wheels
and I just lost my head, I kept trying to get out of there.
I was in fourth gear before I realized I wasn't moving.
My wheels were spinning and spinning
and grinding and grinding.
It was awful just awful!
Motorcycle all over the place!
Ralph, there was an exhaust pipe in the mailbox.
In the mailbox, Ralph.
Now how do you account for that?
I don't know.
I thought maybe if I could just hide it.
Hide a broken motorcycle?
I was scared, I couldn't think straight.
I was hiding pieces everywhere.
Rich, I've got to get out of town.
It's just a matter of time before he checks my tires.
Could you loan me three dollars to go west?
Forget about that, that's stupid.
Now just give me a little time and,
and maybe I can think of something.
You can think of something, Rich?
You can think of a way out of this?
No. But maybe my father can.
Your father?
What does he know about being threatened with revenge?
He was a cook in the Army.
Fonz Hey, you look very tense, Malph.
Not me, Fonz. I'm loose as a goose.
It's good old never-a-care Malph!
Where you going all dressed up like this?
Oh not going coming From church.
On Saturday?
I'm Jewish.
I bet you didn't know that.
Not many of us Irish Jews.
Well, I've got to run.
Got to get the Rabbi's suitcase over to the temple.
Bar Mitzvah, guys.
Here he is!
Okay, now just remember, be calm, huh?
This could be very dangerous, you know.
It's not dangerous. It's a good plan.
Now everybody take their places, come on.
Um uh?
Dusting, Marion, dusting.
Hey, I got your message down at the garage.
What's up, huh?
I was in the middle of taking tire tracks.
Oh, Mrs. Cunningham wants to talk to you, Fonzie.
What you need, Mrs. C?
Oh, Arthur, you know that Joanie is very interested in magic
and she's been practicing a new trick all day
You called me at work to pick a card?
Well, this is bigger than a card trick
and it means so much to her.
She's at that tender age
when her heart is just like a little china doll,
it's just so breakable Marion
Yes, dear.
So why not give the little kid a break?
Joanie!
Presenting the amazing Joanie!
Now, I need a volunteer from the audience.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Now, I need someone else to help me.
Okay, chubby,
and the little boy with the freckles.
Now, I'll need a chair.
Oh, there's a chair!
And I'll need some magic rope.
Rope, rope, rope oh, here's some rope.
Just take a seat over here, sir.
Right over here.
Okay Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute,
I've got to tell you something,
I've only got a minute, all right?
Now, bind the volunteer securely.
I want to tell you something,
this family really indulges the kid, huh?
Hey, this looks like a tough trick.
The kid must have been practicing all day.
Oh, it's a very clever trick.
Yeah?
This is a trick, that I learned
in the Far East in my other life.
Ready?
Hey, I can hardly move a muscle.
Thank you, Marion, Joanie
Hey, where's the kid going?
She forget something, she's got
to look it up in her magic book?
It's all clear.
Hey, wait a minute,
I didn't know I was entertaining
the whole neighborhood here.
Hey, Fonz, what's new?
I just joined a rodeo, what does it look like?
We're indulging the kid.
Now hurry up, I've got to get some more tire tracks.
Well, you see, Fonz, I have a confession to make.
I lied.
Yes.
I'm not really Jewish.
No kidding.
Will you hurry up please?
The tracks are waiting.
Fonz? Yes.
I don't think that you have to take any more tracks.
We think we know who it is who, uh,
who-who bumped into your bike.
Hey, Malph, you found out who did it?
Tell him, Ralph.
Yeah, come on, Malph, tell me who did it.
The guy will have tire tracks all over his body!
Fonz, wait.
You see, this guy is willing to help pay for damages
and make amends.
Hey, hey, who, who, who, who, who, who?
The, the guy, this guy that I'm talking about
the par the guilty party.
Please don't kill me, Fonz,
please don't kill me!
It was an accident, I was temporarily insane!
I didn't mean it!
I'll never do it again!
I'll move away, just let me live!
You know, Fonz,
it takes a very big man to look you right in the eye
to look you right in the eye, and say that.
Well, how about it, Fonzie? He's willing to make it good.
Forgive and forget, huh?
What do you say, Fonz, pal?
I'm going to kill him!
No!
No, no, no!
Good night, Howard.
Good night, Richard.
Good night, Arthur.
Sleep tight.
Good night, Marion.
I thought you were my friends.
We are your friends, Fonzie, that's why we tied you up.
We figured you'd cool off and become more reasonable.
Come on, Fonz, give in.
Hey, you know, you're right.
I never looked at it from that point of view.
You're absolutely right. Untie me, okay?
You're lying.
Hey, I took a shot!
Dad, we've been sitting with him here for six hours.
I don't think he's going to give in.
Do we keep him tied up all night?
No, I guess you're right, Richie.
Besides, his fingers are turning blue.
Oh, now that's better.
You know, Fonz,
I always thought you were a bigger man.
I never thought you'd put a motorcycle before a friend.
Remember, Richie, revenge has no friends.
Well, you know what all this hate has done for you, Fonz?
No.
It's made you very uncool.
There you are, you're all untied.
Now you can go out and beat up your friend.
Oh, no, no, Wait a minute, wait a minute.
It's not that I want to go beat him up, I have to.
That's called street etiquette.
I think Shakespeare once said.
"To err is human, to forgive divine."
Yeah? I bet he never had a bike.
I'll get it.
Ralph!
Fonzie's loose!
Go west, go west!
Let me in, Rich.
I'm through running.
Hey, come on, let him in it's his funeral.
Sorry about the rug.
I'll clean it up if I'm still alive.
Well, Fonz, what do you think?
It looks like my bike.
Yeah, I've been to 27 shops looking for one just like yours.
I finally found it downtown.
Honest Ira's All-Night Bike Shop.
I've got to bring it back in an hour.
I thought you'd like to see it for a trial run.
You rode it?
No! No! I knew you wouldn't like that,
so I pushed it.
How are you going to pay for this?
I'm selling my car.
You know, it's not exactly like my bike.
It's not? No.
It's got these, uh, chrome extenders on it.
I'll take them off, I'll do it right now.
Rich, you got a wrench?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's all right.
I was going to put them on anyway.
Sit on it, Fonzie.
Aaayyh!
I mean, try it out,
try it out sit on the bike.
Come here.
Come here
You're not going to sell your car.
You don't like the bike?
Yeah, it's all right.
I'll give Honest Ira the money myself.
You will?
I don't have to sell my car?
What a pal! What a guy!
What a great guy!
You're going to pay it off by working at the garage.
What a pal what a guy what a great guy
What are you?!
Fonzie!
Hey, I'm sorry, Mr. C., I didn't know he gassed it up.
Gee, Fonz, thanks a lot.
I'll work hard I'll pump gas, I'll change tires.
I'll get dirty. Do I get a uniform?
No, Malph, no uniform.
You work hard, you get a cap.
That's good, I like caps, I look good in caps.
Hey, excuse me.
Aren't you even going to take it out for a trial run?
I've got to go now.
Yeah, but wait a minute,
you can't leave this in my living room!
Now wait a minute, I don't think you understand.
I have been sitting in that chair for six hours.
When I say I've got to go, I mean I've got to go!
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪