Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e03 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
How they bitin', little buddy?
They're not even gumming.
Skipper, I got a bite.
A real big one, skipper.
So do I. Mine must weigh 50 pounds.
Whoo-hoo!
Watch it, little buddy.
You're fouling my line.
Gilligan!
You're fouling my line.
Now, get it loose!
Watch my line, little buddy!
You're getting it all fouled up!
Gilligan!
You're fouling my line.
Now, get it loose!
Get it loose!
Gilligan.
Gill
aget it, gilligan! Grab my line!
Will you get my foot out of this bucket?
Pull!
Uhh!
Alright.
Whose side are you on, the fish's?
Now, just get it yourself!
Gilligan, would you hand me that shoe?
If that's a fish,
it must come packed in cans.
Oh, boy. Packages of seeds.
"Beets, carrots, spinach, vegetables."
Skipper! Professor! Look what I caught!
Carrots and beets and spinach!
Vegetables!
Oh, professor, look at this.
We've got cauliflower. We've got carrots.
Ah, green peas, artichokes.
Yeah, and look at this Idaho potatoes.
It's been so long since
I've tasted an Idaho potato,
I won't know what it tastes like.
Are we gonna grow Idaho potatoes?
That's right, little buddy.
We're gonna grow
Idaho potatoes right here.
They sure are gonna
have to have long roots.
Gilligan, catching this box of seeds
is the best thing you've done
since we were marooned.
Exactly, little buddy.
If you were a girl, I'd kiss you.
Lucky me. I'm a boy.
With these seeds, we'll
have enough vegetables
as long as we're forced to stay here.
Oh, and don't forget,
Mary Ann was raised on a farm,
so she's gonna be a big help.
Hey, professor, what's a truffle?
Why it's a subterranean fungus
with solid tuber-like bodies.
It's known for its pungent qualities.
It's most delectable.
Yeah, but can you eat it?
Well, it's a gourmet's delight.
Yeah, but can you eat it?
That's what I've been
trying to tell you, gilligan.
It's delicious.
Oh, you finally said a word I understood.
Boy, wait'll the others hear about this.
A veritable gold mine of goodies.
Lovey, look, your
favorite little sugar beets!
Oh, thurston, it's impossible.
No, it isn't. It says so
right there on the package.
But sugar beets come in cans.
No, no, first you have to
plant them in the ground.
Oh, please, don't be silly.
I've seen them in their natural habitat
a supermarket.
Not shopping, you
understand. Just sightseeing.
Actually, I was showing
some visiting royalty
a poverty pocket.
Mrs. Howell, sugar beets
have to come out of the ground
before you can put them in cans.
Ew, what a perfectly ghastly idea.
Well, you'll see when we
plant them all in the ground.
I hope you're using the editorial "we."
Thurston means you
can't expect a ho well
to dig in the ground.
But you have to dig before you plant.
If you mention manual labor once more,
I'm gonna order you off the property.
Now, you see, gilligan?
Your silly notions have upset Mr. Howell.
Mrs. Howell, if you
really want sugar beets
Well, I do, I do, I just adore them.
Well, we all have to pitch in, then.
Oh, well, I intend to do
my part, I assure you.
Good. Dig, plant, water, fertilize, or pick
which would you rather do?
Eat.
My beets.
Beets.
Squash.
Lettuce.
My favorite is spinach.
My favorite doesn't seem to be here.
Well, spinach, cucumber
Truffles?
Don't you know what a truffle is?
No. We never grew any in Kansas.
A truffle is a subterranean tube
that runs into a fungus.
Tube that runs into a fungus?
What?
Uh, I wish the professor'd
learn to speak English.
Let's see Radishes, Swiss chard
Carrots!
You like carrots?
Oh, like them? I love them.
Oh, gilligan, they're awfully good for you.
Why, the more you eat,
the better your eyesight.
Everybody knows that
carrots are good for your eyes.
Why, certainly!
After all, did you ever see
a rabbit wearing glasses?
Whoa, gilligan.
Whoa, gilligan!
Gilligan, you're supposed
to turn a little to the left.
Skipper, I've never been a horse before.
Well, how much do you
need to know to be a horse?
We'll go over it again.
Now, when I pull a little, you turn a little.
When I pull a lot, you turn a lot.
When I pull on both of 'em,
you're supposed to stop!
Have you got it?
I've got it.
Alright, let's try it again.
Isn't it time for lunch?
Gilligan, horses don't eat lunch.
Now, let's get going.
[Clicking tongue]
Huh?
What do you do when I
say [Clicking tongue]?
[Neighs]
Good soil, but it's much
too heavy for new plants.
Yes, the water won't drain well enough
to keep the seeds moist.
You better think of something quick.
The skipper's sittin' at the table
with a napkin tucked under his chin.
Well, he's gonna sit
there for quite a while,
because with this type of soil,
it'll take even longer
for the vegetables to come up.
I think my father used
to use sand or something
to help the drainage.
That's a good idea.
Plenty of sand at the lagoon.
Aw, look. I did all the
weeding and the planting
and the watering, and everything.
An excellent job, at that.
Oh, and we do need the sand.
Ok, but I bet your father
didn't grow anything
on this farm of his.
He did, too!
How could he? I wasn't
there to do all the work.
Gilligan, are you almost finished?
Almost.
A sand castle?
I had some extra sand.
Looks like I'm wasting my time
trying to mold your character.
Is that what you're tryin' to do?
Why, certainly, gilligan.
Why do you suppose
I have you chop the wood,
bring up the water, pick up coconuts,
and work on the farm? I'm
trying to strengthen your character.
I'm trying to make you officer material!
Me? An officer? That's impossible.
Why?
I'm too busy being the whole crew.
Oh, spread the sand, gilligan.
You just don't understand
over there!
Hey, skipper! Professor! Mary Ann!
What's the matter?
The spinach is growing.
Oh, that's impossible.
It is? Look!
Well, we only planted it 3 days ago.
Gilligan, what's the matter?
The spinach is growing.
Well, it can't be! It takes at
professor!
They look like spinach plants.
The carrots. Are they coming up too?
Are they? Look!
Oh! Oh, the carrots!
Aren't they beautiful?
Is something wrong, little buddy?
Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect.
Well, it seems our vegetables
have not only taken root,
but they've begun to grow
at a most miraculous rate.
Well, just look! They're
popping up all over the place.
Little buddy, I want to compliment you.
Thanks, skipper.
You've really done a fine job.
Put her there, pal!
Eh
Give me this!
Oh, look, lovey. Ha ha ha!
Lovey, look. Look the the
mushrooms are are mushing.
Yes, but the beats are beating them.
Oh, you are a witty one.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Pretty soon, the vegetables will be ready.
Gilligan will pick them,
Mary Ann will clean them,
and ginger will prepare them.
Yes, but on second thought,
oughtn't we do something?
Oh, perish the thought.
Every hive must have a queen.
The rest are workers.
Yes, but I feel a little guilty.
Maybe we should make
some kind of an effort.
What do you suggest?
Well, we could be Host
and hostess at a dinner party.
A vegetarian "do"!
I never saw anything
like this back on our farm.
Except under a cow.
What strange-looking vegetables.
What are these?
Cucumbers, I think.
And what's this
funny-looking thing, corn?
Well, I I
I guess this is budget corn, Mary Ann.
Budget corn?
Yes making both ends meet. Ha ha ha!
A never-ending delight.
They sure are funny-lookin'.
Who cares what they look like?
We've got fresh vegetables.
Perhaps being submerged in salt water
has had an effect on the seeds.
If my father ever saw
string beans like this,
I think he'd faint.
They look more like pretzel beans.
Pretzels. Oh, if we only
had some beer to go with 'em!
Skipper, pass the spinach, please.
Gilligan, that's the 4th
helping of spinach you've had.
6th. I snuck 2.
Ginger, would you please
pass the artichoke, my dear?
Sure, Mr. Howell. Do you like them?
Thank you. The way you prepared them
reminds me of my chef Herman.
It's the only thing about you that
reminds me of my chef Herman.
Skipper: Professor,
please, the string beans?
Mrs. Howell, please pass the carrots.
Yes, of course, dear.
We don't grow carrots
like this back home.
I never realized how much I
missed vegetables until now.
I think the 2 things I miss the most
are vegetables and dates.
We have plenty of dates
here on the island.
Not the kind I miss.
Professor, please, the string beans?
Could you pass the spinach back?
May I have the artichokes?
Since we all seem to have
our favorite vegetables,
let's move them near us.
Spinach next to me.
Oh, the carrots, please.
Oh, I just love beets. I want
the beets! I adore sugar beets!
[Animated conversation]
Radio: Interrupt this
program for a news bulletin
from the experimental
agriculture laboratories in Hawaii.
It seems that a box containing
radioactive seeds is missing.
Shh! I think he said
something about seeds.
The vegetable seeds were in a small
wooden crate and individually packaged.
These radioactive seeds are of an
experimental nature and considered dangerous.
The box is clearly labeled "danger.
Experimental. Radioactive."
On the chance they
did not fall overboard,
anyone finding them or
knowing anything about them,
please contact the agricultural
department in Hawaii.
Let me repeat: The seeds are radioactive
and considered extremely dangerous.
Now back to our program
of cheery, daytime tunes!
Professor, you don't suppose
He said the crate was clearly labeled.
But when gilligan showed us the crate,
it didn't have a cover on it.
I took the cover off.
Do you know where it is?
I made it into this bench right here.
Nothing there, see?
Oh!
Of course, this book is dated.
It doesn't contain much information
about the consumption
of radioactive food.
However, it does say that it's
entirely possible that it could be fatal.
But on the other hand, it
doesn't say that it must be fatal.
So, you see, there is no
Cause for
Now, what could I have said
to make them faint?
Gilligan, are you frightened?
No.
You're not?
I'm too scared to be frightened.
How dumb can I be?
Dumb? Why, you're the
smartest man I ever knew.
How could I be so stupid?
Of all the dumb
Professor, don't call yourself dumb
just because you can't find
a cure for this Disease.
We're doing the wrong thing.
Lying still could kill us.
We should be moving around.
Well, of all the
I never heard of such a thing!
For gosh sake, professor!
Gilligan!
Oh, skipper, I gotta sit
down. I'm exhausted.
Don't sit down now, Mary Ann.
Come on, now, don't you remember?
The professor said to
keep our blood circulating.
Otherwise, that radioactive stuff
will settle in one place. Now, come on.
But I'm tired. After all,
I haven't got your legs.
Well, it's a good thing you
haven't, Mary Ann,
'cause otherwise you
couldn't get in those shorts.
Skipper! A boat! Look!
Where?
Over there!
Where? I don't see anything.
It's white with blue trim,
and it has a bridge or
something covered in glass
and a lifeboat hanging on the end.
Are you sure?
I don't see anything.
Mary Ann, are you alright?
Oh, I'm feeling fine
oh, skipper, I'm not seeing things!
There's a boat right over there.
Professor! Quick!
Mary Ann, I think that radioactive stuff
is making you see things.
Professor, quick!
Come on, Mary Ann.
Professor?
Professor!
What's the matter?
Oh, there you are.
Mary Ann sees a boat out there.
Oh, it's white with blue trim.
But I don't see anything out there
but water, Mary Ann.
I can even see the people on the deck.
There's a man in a
red-and-white stripe t-shirt,
another man in a blue
shirt and blue slacks,
and 2 beautiful women in bikinis.
I wish I could see that.
But I don't see anything out there.
I know I'm not imagining it.
Why It's just as plain
as your book over there.
You can see my book?
Well, of course. It's on the stump.
On the hill.
But that's a half a mile away.
It's, uh, turned to page 117,
some sort of chemical equation
"3no2 + h20 =
2hno3 + no."
Well, that's incredible!
Well, p-professor,
if she can see the book,
maybe there is a boat out there!
Why would I say there was a
boat out there if there wasn't?
Well, keep your eye
on the boat just in case.
Come on, skipper, let's give 'em a signal.
Over here! Oh, come over here!
Boy, professor, what a
great time to be rescued.
Now they can take us to the hospital,
and we can get cured of the
radioactive whatchamacallit,
whatever it is.
That's it! That's the reason
for her fantastic eyesight.
What are you talking about?
Mary Ann ate all those carrots.
The radioactive treatment of those seeds
must've magnified the carotene.
Carotene?
That's the chemical in carrots
that's necessary for good eyesight.
Well, that proves that
she saw that boat out there!
Come on, let's get this fire
started. Gilligan! Gilligan!
W-What are you doing?
Well, obviously, gilligan,
we're building a fire.
For a merit badge, huh?
No, not for a merit badge. We're
trying to signal that boat out there.
What boat?
The boat out there!
I don't see any boat.
Of course you don't.
Do you? No.
Professor, do you see the boat?
Oh, I can't see it, either.
But it's out there. Right?
Look, Mary Ann saw the boat out there.
Can you see Mary Ann?
No. How can I see Mary
Ann when she isn't even here?
Same way you can see the boat.
Gilligan, will you stop that?
Will you go get some
firewood for the fire?
To signal the boat
that we can't see, right?
Exactly. Professor, what
kind of a boat is it we can't see?
Uh, white with blue trim. And
it's got 2 men and 2 women on it.
And the women are wearing bikinis!
Ooh, I wish I could see
them, even if they're not there.
For the last time, gilligan,
will you get over to that tree
and get some firewood for the fire?
I have a better idea. What?
Since we're making believe there's a
boat, let's make believe we have a fire.
Gilligan!
I'm going. You don't have to yell.
Yes, I do! Now, will you
get the firewood?!
Skipper, where do you want it?
Hey, professor!
Gilligan, little buddy, how
did you pick that tree up?
With one hand.
What well, it must be hollow.
Well, it must weigh 400 or 500 pounds.
Oh, that's ridiculous, professor.
If it weighed 400 or 500 pounds,
he couldn't lift it up. Let me
uhh.
Unhh!
Uhhh!
Uhhh!
I can't budge it.
Gilligan, how did you do that?
Spinach. The spinach.
Gilligan kept eating the spinach.
The radioactive treatment of the seeds
must've magnified the potency
of the of the oxalic minerals.
That's how you got
strength from eating spinach.
Well, right now let's worry
about that boat out there.
Gilligan, since you're so strong,
break off those branches
and get the fire going real good.
Alright, gilligan, now, will
you stop playing games
and put it on the fire?
You can forget about
the fire. The boat's gone.
Gilligan, this is all your fault.
If you hadn't found that
crate of seeds out there
hold it, skipper, hold
it. We were all excited
about finding those seeds, and he
didn't know they were contaminated.
Oh, of course. You're right,
prof I'm sorry, little buddy.
Forgive m [Crunch]
Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!
Gilligan, would you let go?
You're crushing my hand.
What happened?
Well, it's those radioactive vegetables,
Mary Ann. They've given
you fantastic eyesight
and gilligan superpower.
Why, the potentials are unlimited.
The increase in potency
of the vitamins alone
could make us healthier
than we ever were before.
Yes, if they don't kill us first.
Yeah. We'll be the
healthiest dead people around.
Mrs. Howell.
What about her?
Well, she kept eating those sugar beets.
Well, so what?
Well, sugar is energy.
I wonder what effect it's had on her.
Lovey, what has happened to you?
Lovey, slow down.
I'm exhausted just watching you!
At least take a coffee break.
Good idea.
I may enter that woman in the Olympics.
Hey, gilligan, would you
mind putting me down?
I'm getting thirsty. I'd like
to get something to drink.
Thank you, little buddy.
Say, what about you? You've
been doing all the exercise.
Aren't you thirsty?
Oh, yeah. I'll go get
us some coconut milk.
Fine.
Gilligan, you're a walking disaster area.
You've got to learn to be careful.
Now, pick up a coconut But be gentle.
There.
See?
That's much better.
Now just toss it over here, gilligan.
Gilligan, I told you to be careful.
I'll fix it, skipper.
No, gilligan, don't touch it! Uh
[sighs]
Skipper! Skipper! Gilligan!
W-What's happened?
I think I've found a cure for us.
Well, great! Yeah!
I've applied the principles
of theoretic chemistry to
the problem of radioactivity.
Now, the best preventative
for the internal bombardment
of radioactive particles is through
their containment by hydrocarbons.
Would you mind repeating that?
Not at all. I've applied the principles
of theoretic chemistry
to the problem of radioactivity.
Oh, come on, professor, never mind
all the scientific lingo.
What are you trying to tell us?
That our best protection against
the vegetables we've eaten
is through hydroc well, that
is to say, through plant fats.
And the best source of plant fats
is the soap we've been
making here on the island.
You mean we have to
take a bath with that soap?
No. We shall have to
consume it internally.
Oh, thank goodness. For a minute there,
I thought we were gonna have to eat it.
Do we really have to
eat the soap, professor?
Absolutely.
Seems a shame to wash
out my mouth with soap
when I didn't say anything bad.
Gilligan, you are gonna
eat a piece of soap,
and I'm gonna sit here
and see that you do.
Now, take a piece of soap.
Alright. Now, start eating.
Gilligan.
Eat.
This stuff just tastes awful.
Never mind that, gilligan.
Just do as the professor says.
Oh! Just call me "bubbles"!
Oh, my goodness!
This could be the start of a whole career!
Ginger Grant bubble dancer.
It's working!
The hydrocarbons are
absorbing the radioactivity!
Keep eating!
When's it gonna stop?
Everything's gonna be alright.
[All talking excitedly at once]
Gilligan, the professor
said we're all cured.
Isn't that good news?
Yeah. But that soap didn't taste bad
after you got used to it.
Oh, I thought it tasted awful.
Mmm. I thought it tasted good.
Gilligan.
Are you eating something?
Hmm?
You're not eating
You're not eating any more of that soap?
Whatever gave you that [Hiccup]
ID [hiccup] Gilligan?!
Gilligan?
[Boom]
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪