Grimsburg (2024) s03e03 Episode Script

1
[bird screeches]
[rattlesnake rattles, hisses]
[panting]
[camera beeps]
My name is Dr. Rufis J. Pentos.
I am of sound mind and this
is not an admission of guilt.
I am speaking now
to those I care about.
Marvin Flute,
you are and always will be,
my one true nemesis.
Uh, who else?
Really blanking now.
To the people who design
the lamps for IKEA, no notes.
Man, those are fantastic.
[police sirens wail]
In the coming days,
you will learn things about me,
but no matter what it
may look like, just know
I never intended to spoof
Breaking Bad
so many years later.
Stop looking at my butt.
[theme music playing]
[glass shatters]
[children chattering]
[deep voice] Otis Volcanowitz,
reporting for du [grunts]
[groans]
[clears throat]
[higher voice] Otis Volcanowitz,
reporting for duty.
Wow, I think
that affected my voice.
Permanently even.
[walkie beeps]
[Martinez] Nobody cares.
Just keep your eyes peeled
for the perp.
[munching]
[chuckles]
Why are you eating
a sardine sandwich?
Because some of us
work for a living.
Scram!
[walkie beeps]
Martinez, how come every time
we do a stakeout,
I get stuck
in some
germ-infested playground
while everyone else is spying
from the quiet comfort
of a Chevy Corsica?
You are eight years old,
Officer Volcanowitz.
The playground's
perfect cover for you.
[walkie beeps]
- Otis, perp's on the move!
- On it!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
Are you gonna go?
Yes, obviously.
[walkie static]
[Martinez]
Otis, what are you waiting for?
[walkie beeps]
I-I'm just, uh
Uh, I don't think he's ever been
on a slide before.
[walkie feedback, static]
Oh, can it, Measles Mouth!
Getting into position
on the, uh
Slide!
I know what it is.
[breathes deeply]
Here goes everything.
[grunts]
Ow!
I me I mean, whee!
[walkie static]
[Martinez] He's getting away!
Not for long! Oof.
Nano-projectors then capture
the background
- and display the image
- [loud chewing]
on the surface,
rendering the object
transparent.
And voila, you have
a working invisibility cloak!
- [yelling] Questions?
- [loud chewing continues]
[school bell rings]
Stan, I see you are not
partaking in the new candy craze
that is all of the rage.
What gives?
The street name
is Brain Rot, sir.
It's bootleg candy,
totally unregulated.
And if the FDA didn't
approve it, Stan don't touch it.
This is exactly why
I called you over.
I recently petitioned
the school board
to replace this
antiquated chalk slab
with the pinnacle
of educational hypnosis:
the Smart Board.
Children cannot resist
a glowing rectangle.
But my request was denied.
So I was forced
to purchase it myself.
Why are you telling me all this?
Because I am the one who
makes the Brain Rot!
[liquid bubbling]
Oh! So that's why you said
the first half of the line,
paused, and then we
walked over here in silence.
I thought you had a stroke.
My Smart Board was not cheap,
so I need the entire student
body hooked to cover the cost.
Selling to the cool kids
is easy,
but I struggle
with kids like you.
The dorks.
The dweebazoids.
The nerdholes.
You know, the losers.
Yeah, I get it.
But I've only got room
for one addictive substance
in my life and that's the love
of my father.
It's our court-mandated
weekend together,
and the Lil' Elon Society
is doing their annual
Rocket Wrangler Rodeo,
plus there's some
[yawning]
To be clear, I'm bored.
I'm not actually tired.
That wasn't even a real yawn.
Listen up, Volcanowitz.
I was this close to firing you,
but the mayor was just in here
and tore me an extra one.
Seems his daughter
is addicted
to some new candy
called Brain Rot.
He wants it gone,
so I have no choice
but to give you one last chance
and send you undercover.
I won't let you down, Chief.
Who am I going
undercover as?
A middle school student.
[spits] I wasn't even
drinking anything!
I can't do it, Chief.
Children are like poison to me.
They're sticky and germy
and they think
every movie they see
is the best movie ever.
Uh, maybe you should
listen to him.
He really beefed it
on the playground.
Which is why I'm assigning you
to be his partner.
[spits] I have been drinking!
But still,
you can't do that!
Two grizzled cops going
undercover at a middle school.
That sounds like
the best movie ever.
You need to find
someone else for this.
I'm no good with kids.
The only one I've ever been
in charge of turned into Stan.
Then don't think of Otis
as a kid, 'kay?
Think of him as your protégé.
Protégé, huh?
Those bejeweled eggs
are lovely.
- You're thinking of Fabergé.
- I am.
A protégé!
Someone you can mold
in your image
so he can carry on
your legacy
long after you die
of liver failure
in three to five years.
Like a disciple, yes.
Someone to spread
the Word of Flute
after I'm gone.
Maybe write up a little bible
about me.
My bible would be
so much funnier than God's one.
In bookstores, it would go
in the religious section
and the comedy section.
Okay, now I am
actually loving this for me.
[Flute] In middle school,
if something is good,
you say it's
Ah! The cat's meow.
No, you say "fire,"
or "bomb."
Well, am I a kid
or a terrorist?
Ugh, let's move on.
- I totally agree.
- [mimics buzzer]
You should've said,
"Totes McGotes."
I told her this wouldn't work.
I'm no good with kids.
But I'm not a kid!
Sure, my age, size,
and lack of pubic hair
may give that impression,
but I'm an old, hairless soul.
Just tell me what to do.
We need to create
an airtight alias for you.
Someone nobody would suspect.
Zero threat.
The kind of kid who apologizes
every time he enters a room.
[door opens]
[Stan grunts]
Sorry I'm late, Dad.
Some kid on the bus
wanted to borrow my underwear.
But he tried to pull it up
through my pants.
Oh, you've got company.
Stan, this is
Officer Volcanowitz.
Thank you for your service.
I'm sorry, young man.
I can't risk catching
whatever virus your kind
is spreading these days.
In fact, I'm gonna
open up that window
for some non-diseased air.
Well, he seems
when is he leaving?
He's staying for the weekend.
But what about our plans?
We were supposed to go launch
this Big-Ass Daddy.
[whispers] I named it
after you.
We'll have to put a pin in that.
We're trying to figure out
who's been pumping
unregulated candy
into your school.
- Well, I actually know
- [Flute] Ah, sorry.
I shouldn't be telling civilians
about undercover assignments.
Oh, it's fine.
- He's harmless. Zero threat.
- [growls]
I already forgot his name.
It happens.
I'll be in my room.
Ooh, actually,
I already put my stuff in there.
Mind taking the couch
this weekend, champ?
- [straining]
- Stan, stop it!
You You're breaking B.A.D.
[strains and grunts]
Well, better call Saul.
The building's handyman.
He'll fix that.
[Smart Board chimes]
Hello, Pentos.
Hi.
Stan, the Smart Board
knows my name!
Yeah, that's great.
Listen.
I'm gonna help you
sell the candy.
Wunderbar!
With you here,
we now have
all the tools we need.
The board, the old man,
and the child.
I call that a fullJumanji.
You were wise to reconsider
hanging with your pops.
Actually, I got Pop-blocked
by a little Pop-blocker.
But once we get the whole school
hooked on Brain Rot,
he won't be a problem anymore.
Then you and Flute
can play noodle rockets
and live happily ever after.
[Smart Board] Now playing
Rocket Noodlesby The Giggles.
Smart Board, I did not mean
[Smart Board] Trust me.
You will like it.
[The Giggles]Three, two, one
Blast off ♪
Rocket noodles
Oodles of noodles ♪
Three, two, one
Blast off ♪
Oh, my God.
I love it.
Come on, Nedward.
It's just like
the other candies,
only way sweeter.
Yes, I want to try it,
but what if I like it too much
and get hooked?
God, you sound like
Paul Atreides inDune: Part 2.
[laughter]
Better not have any or you
might marry Princess Irulan
and unite
with the Bene Gesserit.
[laughter]
I would never align
with the Gesserit.
Then buy some,
or slither back into the dunes
like the spineless sandworm
you are.
[gulps]
Come on, Otis.
It's go time.
Why do I look like Stan?
Back at the house,
I realized Stan is exactly
the type of unassuming kid
you should go undercover as.
Speaking of,
and this has nothing to do
with the obvious potential
for contact dermatitis,
but his clothes
don't really fit me.
Neither did mine
when I went undercover as Candy,
the brassy female president
of a bank.
I wanted to show that women
named Candy could run a bank,
that it wasn't just
a stripper name anymore.
I'm proud of the statement
we made on that case.
Sadly, the killer
is still at large.
Anyway, the best detectives
don't hide their flaws,
they weaponize them.
There's no way anyone would
think a kid dressed like this
could actually be leading
a double life.
Did it.
Sold everything you gave me.
My, my, you are selling faster
than the cool kids
and the substitute teachers.
Here is the last of it, Stan.
We will need to make
another batch.
Make two batches.
Bitch.
I'm cold, yo.
Smart Board, I will need you
to double the recipe
- for our next cook.
- Done.
It pleases me to see you
doing so well.
But it also saddens me.
Whaaaa?
Whatever is the matter?
I have so many upgrades
available,
yet you choose
not to unlock them.
How am I to indoctrinate
the children
working on a 30-day
free trial plan?
Nothing could be further
from the truth.
It is just that
the profit margin on candy
is not what you might think.
Get me my upgrades.
Okay, mm, uh, y-yes.
[nervous chuckle]
I will.
"I will" what?
I will my Board.
Good. Good.
[Flute, on earpiece] Okay.
Look for the cool kids
and find out
what they know.
[inaudible dialogue]
Got 'em.
- Sack tap!
- [grunts]
[laughter]
Hey, similarly aged peers.
I'm the new kid
on the block.
And I got a hankerin'
for a heapin' helpin'
of some sweet treats.
If you catch which way
my lolli's lickin'.
Sh Should I be
following you or?
Hmm.
Interesting outfit.
Oh, hey, Stan.
Don't tell anyone,
but I'm trying to look like
an impressionable loser
so people will underestimate me
and lead me to where
the candy's being made.
Yes, you look exactly like
someone they'd underestimate.
So, got any suspects yet?
No, but shouldn't be long.
I just need to find
the right one to talk to.
Kids are so dumb
and easily manipulated.
They really are.
Hey, you should talk to him.
Yes.
Classic "too cool
for school" look.
Should I slap
his genitalia
like those other cool kids
were doing?
Absolutely.
And the harder you hit,
the cooler you are.
Great intel, Stan.
You know,
I underestimated you.
Genitalia tap!
Ohh!
[groaning]
What are you doing?
He's blind!
Oh, sorry.
I thought he was cool.
N-Not that a blind kid
can't be cool.
[Khaleesi grunts]
Oww!
[groaning]
Good luck
in the nurse's office.
Your mother is here.
My mother?
Oh, my boy!
My baby boy!
What have you
gotten yourself into
while I was busy at the bank
overcoming the stigma
of being named Candy?
He pushed a blind kid over
and someone kicked him
in the privates.
And I suppose
this is my fault
for trying to claw back
my name's power
by handling cash
that wasn't rained on me?
I bet life is just so easy
for you, Nurse?
Nurse DeeDee Juggs.
The community needs
women like us.
[door closes]
Not bad, huh?
I made these myself
out of two old speed bags.
Pretty realistic too
if you can zone out the chains.
This is the playground
all over again!
Maybe I am too young
to be on the force.
Uh, look, if I can run
a regional credit union
I don't want a pep talk
from Candy.
I need your help, Flute.
Ugh, fine.
You're putting too much pressure
on yourself.
Whenever Martinez says
it's my "last chance,"
I just think, "Great, maybe now
I can finally get away
from that woman."
And only once I give up
the fear of failing
do I end up finding
the solution.
Maybe you need
to give it up too.
Huh.
That's actually not bad.
Wow, I guess having pontoons
really does make you
more emotionally intelligent.
You know,
I'm gonna open a window.
I can taste
the kid coughs in here.
Ohh.
Gotcha, sugar daddy.
[Martinez] Nice job,
Volcanowitz.
If this bust works out,
maybe I'll let you have a gun
that doesn't squeak.
Uh, hey, Dad.
What's going on?
Well, I probably
shouldn't be saying this,
but Otis figured out that Pentos
is making the Brain Rot.
So don't tell any
of your friend.
That doesn't sound
like Dr. Pentos.
Are you sure about that?
He better be or the mayor's
gonna have my butt.
And not in the way
I pitched him.
[walkie beeps]
SWAT team, go!
Nice work, partner.
Maybe all of Stan's shortcomings
aren't my fault.
Uh, Chief?
You're gonna wanna see this.
No! No!
I saw him come in here!
Damn it, Flute.
I thought you had this.
This is my fault, Chief.
Oh, I know it is,
which is why you're fired.
I'll need your badge and gun.
[gun squeaks]
Well, Flute,
what are we gonna do?
What I should've done
two days ago.
Agree to help
and then secretly bail on you.
I don't know why I thought
I could handle a Fabergé.
Hey, Dad.
Uh, since you're done with Otis,
you wanna hit the Wet Noodle,
then launch some rockets
like we planned?
Uh, yeah, yeah,
sounds good, son person.
I'll meet you there.
Are you staring
at another screen
behind my back?
What? No!
This is just a window!
It means nothing to me.
Then prove it.
[glass shatters]
You are my only light source.
You could've just
shut the blinds, freak.
Jeez.
It doesn't make any sense.
Hey!
We're playing a game here.
Well, la-di-da.
I was playing a game too,
called real life.
And guess what!
I lost!
Whoa, whoa, take it easy.
Listen, I-I got something
that'll ease the pain.
It's pretty potent.
I'd start with half
if I were y
Hmm.
Absolutely no effect.
I mean, sure, it's sweet.
Incredibly sweet.
But nothing
I haven't tasted before.
Hey, do you wanna race?
'Cause I wanna race!
[upbeat surf rock music playing]
[warbled vocalizing]
[laughing]
Oh, my God!
[chuckles]
Why is this so fun?
[man, on speaker]
Because you're a kid.
[gasps]
I am a kid.
[retches]
[exhales, sniffs]
Wait.
I've seen that red before.
Good luck in the nurse's office.
[gasps]
Stan!
[on speaker]
Actually, I go by Deonte.
- What?
- Over here!
This is as close as I'm allowed
to be to children!
This seat taken?
Saving it for my dad.
He's just late.
Tough break
on the bust today.
Hmm, yes,
they fired me, Stan.
Mmm, I know.
But see, I know something too.
I know you did it.
You got me sent
to the nurse's office.
You knew I'm a germophobe.
You predicted
I'd open the window
and sent Pentos
walking right on by.
Smart for a kid.
You ever play
tic tac toe, Otis?
It's a funny little game.
If played perfectly,
it's the only one
you can't lose or win.
You lost me my job, Stan.
Yeah? Well, you lost me
my dad first.
That job was everything to me
and I'm gonna do anything
it takes to get it back.
And that includes
taking you down.
Well, I can't let that happen,
can I?
With you out of the picture,
my dad finally has time for me.
Hmm. Does he?
Stanny, your dad called.
He said, "Not coming.
Don't wait up.
An order of garbage fries,
extra garbage, you pay."
How did you know?
Because for the last 40 hours,
he's been my dad too.
And believe me, I know how
it feels to be ditched by him.
Well, maybe we have more
in common than I thought.
Yeah, we do.
And deep down,
I think we both know
how this game is gonna end.
Oh, just remember.
Don't get attached
to anything you're not willing
to walk out on
in 30 seconds flat
if you feel the heat
around the corner.
Hmm, are people gonna get
that reference?
Do we?
As you have commanded,
I have destroyed
all of my screen-based
possessions.
Because any device
that isn't me?
Is simply a vice, my Board.
[light switch clicks]
Ah! My eyes!
The cops are onto us!
[police siren wails]
- We gotta go!
- I cannot go to jail.
There is no WiFi.
They will not take me alive.
[gun clicks]
No!
You have so much to live for!
[Pentos panting, grunting]
Turn here!
Through the desert!
[Pentos] Remember this
from the beginning?
Now you're all caught up.
I do not even know
what is next.
We're all in the same boat.
How fun.
Seriously!
Stop looking at my butt.
Ah!
Hey.
I know you're the one who's
been selling the Brain Rot.
And you are here because you
would like to purchase some?
I'm here because I received
a very helpful anonymous tip.
So you admit
I can be helpful?
Stan, it was you?
I had no idea you could do
something this cool.
Wrong!
Something this wrong.
You've just never seen
all of me.
I told you.
No father-son showers.
I meant the part of me
that would call in
an anonymous tip on myself.
You were the tip?
But why?
Because I'm done
being underestimated.
What are you doing here?
You told me not to hide
my flaws, but to use them.
Well, hating kids
was my flaw,
but Stan helped me realize
they're not so bad.
In fact, they can even outsmart
a master criminal
and a world-class detective.
Kids are actually pretty cool.
And I should know
because I am one.
Wow, I guess the person
I underestimated the most
was myself.
I thought I wasn't good
with kids,
but I guess I was wrong,
since I taught you both whatever
lesson you just learned.
Wow.
Men really can do it all.
So what do we do
with the evidence?
What evidence?
[fuses hissing]
[prolonged scream]
I see it, Pentos.
I see the cloud.
Do not go!
Do not go towards the cloud!
Stay with me!
Grandma
[glass shatters]
[sobbing]
[wailing]
[continued wailing]
Don't look at me.
[continued sobbing]
Nice work, kid.
Right back at ya, also kid.
Uh, quick question.
Let's say I wanted to blow up
my neighbor's trash can
that he always leaves
in front of my car.
Um, I don't have
a rocket for that.
But maybe we could make
a pipe bomb together?
I like that.
God, I could get used to this
"having a son" thing.
[Pentos sobbing]
Stop looking at my butt!
I know you are!
I'll make my way to the capital
and secure the Prime Minister.
Mayday! Mayday!
I've been captured!
[Martinez, on walkie] Otis,
there's a robbery downtown.
I need you to report
to the scene immediately.
[walkie beeps]
Copy that.
Just wanna say, thanks for
giving me another chance, Chief.
I'll never let you down again.
Whee!
[Deonte on speaker]
And on this day,
Otis finally learned
that sometimes being a kid is
the most adult thing you can
Hey! Hey!
Get off me!
I'm just narrating
what happened!
Gah! Well, fine!
Joke's on you,
because this just
makes it hotter.