NCIS: Origins (2024) s03e03 Episode Script
Return of the Mack
1
- GIBBS: I want you.
- LALA: Prove it.
Wait for me. I just need some time.
Then I'll wait as long as it takes.
SWANSON: Better be careful,
or people might start thinking
we make a good team.
[GUNSHOT]
OLDER GIBBS:
He said, "One down
- [GASPS]
- one to go,"
so I knew someone close to me
was in trouble.
- Whose print is it?
- He's in the system,
but his profile's locked up
beyond my reach.
To figure out who that is,
you're gonna need someone
with serious access.
[SIGHS]
TONY: If I'm half the
leader Vance was
I'll have done one hell of a job.
I know, I'm late.
But you know how tough it is to
find a decent bottle of bourbon
- at this hour?
- [CHUCKLES]: Tony.
[GIBBS GRUNTS]
You're the only guy I know
who could live a hundred miles
from civilization
and still manage to get shot.
So
what have you been up to
the last ten years?
[CHUCKLES]: Oh, come on. You first.
Oh. Went to Paris with Tali,
and then it took a hot minute,
but Ziva found us,
and we are together now.
We got framed. Big heist.
Like, 122 million euros big.
Imagine Clark and Ellen Griswold,
European Vacation,
except every seven minutes,
they're getting guns
stuffed in their faces.
Obviously, we cleared our names,
and then someone had the bright idea
of putting me in charge
of this whole kit and caboodle.
- You?
- Alaska.
Huh.
What else?
I got a dog.
Well, glad you're not alone
up there, Gibbs.
To Leon Vance.
Yeah.
Hell of a life.
When I got your message,
I thought it was McGee
using AI to mess with my head.
I gave it ten-to-one odds
you'd even show.
- I knew you'd show.
- [CHUCKLES]
You see the shooter?
There were two of them.
Naturally. It would take
multiple men to not kill you.
- You got the print?
- Yeah.
- [GIBBS SIGHS]
- You got a bullet in you.
Jimmy should look you over.
- No one can know I'm here.
- Right.
You're dead. I know.
- It's buried in red tape.
- Well, good.
A challenge, at 2:00 a.m.
Nice to see you, too.
I almost came to see you, Duck.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
I wonder what you'd think about that.
DUCKY: No, my dear boy,
this simply shouldn't
have been your time.
I've only just met you,
and yet, you've got so much to tell me.
Fresh calluses. I'd surmise
you pumped iron, perhaps.
Manicured nails.
Your appearance
was of great importance to you.
Even your brows are perfectly plucked.
I know you're a Marine,
but part of me wonders
if you're an aspiring model?
You certainly got the looks for it.
But how did you fall off this cliff?
That is the question.
FRANKS: I got one of them, too.
- The hell you doing here?
- Agent Franks.
How lovely to see you this fine morning.
Tango and Friedman
are at a conference this week,
so the Duck-man is filling in.
- Pretty great, huh?
- You get a haircut?
[SCOFFS] Couple days ago.
You, uh, just now noticing?
- Looks good.
- RANDY [DISTANT]: Hey, boss!
- You see Ducky's here?
- Yeah, I'm standing
right next to him, Rando!
- Oh, okay.
- What do we got?
Lance Corporal Marco Diaz, 22.
A beach walker found him early
this morning, called it in.
Found a Marine logbook
in the bushes back there.
Likely fell out of his pocket
when he went over.
- Anything written in it?
- Yeah,
but it was out
in the marine layer all night.
The ink's blurred.
You can't read a word.
What are we thinking?
He got too close to the edge,
tumbled down?
I'm afraid it's far more sinister.
This is quite the wound.
Elongated, fracture lines are clean.
That didn't come from the fall.
No, Cecilia, he was struck.
And the murder weapon we're looking for
is something heavy,
with a narrow striking surface.
RANDY: Oh, my goodness.
- Ma'am? Ma'am? [SHOUTS]
- [VICTORIA SHOUTING]
You're too close to the edge.
Uh, please back up the hill.
Oh, relax, Bernard.
I simply want to get a photo of Donald
at work with this beautiful background.
For Aunt Phillis, Donald.
- You know this lady?
- DUCKY: Yes.
It is my mother Victoria Mallard.
The hell's she doing here?
The hell you doing here?
Oh, I flew out with Donald
for a little R & R.
We were at brunch when he was paged.
The hotel was in the opposite direction.
So, I said, "Well,
why don't I just come along
and I'll stay out of the way?"
Oh, is that what you think you're doing?
Well. You are even pricklier
than Donald let on, Michael.
He has told me a lot
about all of you. [LAUGHS]
- This is amazing.
- This is epic.
FRANKS: There's nothing
epic about an old lady
trampling our crime scene!
Oh! Oh, my.
Bernard, would you be so kind
as to come and have a look at this?
- RANDY: Yes.
- DUCKY: Mother!
Back to the car, please!
RANDY: Hey, boss?
I'm pretty sure Ducky's mom
just found the murder weapon.
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
How's that for an old lady, Michael?
7:30, okay. Make sure
I get the booth I like.
Yeah, the one with the picture
of President Bush
wearing the cowboy hat on the wall.
Okay, thanks.
Gibbs and Randy are headed to
talk to Diaz's platoon sergeant.
What about the tire iron?
Blood type's O negative, so is Diaz,
but the handle's
been wiped clean of prints.
What was that little smile about?
I am taking FBI Swanson
on a date Saturday.
Just made the res.
Look at you. Where you taking her?
Lone Star Steakhouse.
Place with the peanut shells
on the floor?
That's the one.
What, y'all don't think she's worth it?
Following the Civil War,
American taverns were overrun,
and peanuts
were the cheapest snack
a barkeep could serve.
Incidentally,
the discarded shells on the floor
helped to soak up the beer
- You ready for us?
- Right this way.
Left your mama at the hotel this time?
Actually, Vera's been so kind
as to take her to lunch.
She met Mother last month
when she flew to D.C.
to give a lecture on profiling,
and the two of them hit it off.
- In fact
- The body, Duck.
Yes, of course. I called you here
because once I got
the lance corporal undressed,
I found some suspicious markings.
- Look here.
- LALA: What is that, branding?
Yes, some sort of square.
I've not seen anything like it.
But I'm afraid
that's the least of his worries.
- Was he restrained?
- I believe like so.
And there is more.
Look at all these lashings
and burns on his abdomen.
Far too symmetrical to be from the fall.
- He was whipped.
- Indeed, Michael.
I believe this poor young man
was tortured.
Copy that, MJ. Thanks for the update.
PE-19 out.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Tortured?
Geez Louise.
Diaz's record's spotless.
No page 11s, no NJPs.
He was a model Marine.
How does this happen to a guy like that?
A perfect record just means
he wasn't caught for anything before.
True that.
Did you and Lala hook up?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
Where did that come from?
I keep getting these, like,
strange little looks and moments
between you guys.
Like the other day when you
brought Lala's lunch to her
and she said, "Thank you, Gibbs."
- And that's strange?
- Oh, outlandish.
She should've just been like, "Thanks,"
or, like, said nothing at all.
- It wasn't like her.
- It was that cheesesteak she loves.
She was probably just excited.
You remembered her order.
You never remember anyone's order.
- Randy, it's
- You can deny it all you want,
but I know something happened.
And my next move is to lean on Lala.
I don't want to do that,
but I have no choice.
I'm just that nosy.
It's gonna get really awkward
and I'm gonna feel really bad,
but at the end of the day,
she won't lie to me.
Yeah, we kissed.
I knew it. I knew it.
I but I don't know where it's going.
But you're hoping it goes somewhere?
Yeah, you're hoping.
GIBBS: Okay, so, now you know.
So, there is no need for you
to go bother Lala
about any of this.
Randy?
I already asked her. She said no.
You Staff Sergeant Combs?
NCIS?
Nice whip.
- You coming, bud?
- Oh, yep.
RANDY: Did you leave
the barracks anytime
between 8:00 p.m. and reveille?
No, sir. I was dead tired, racked out.
And Diaz never came back.
That's unacceptable, Marine.
If your bunkmate
is unaccounted for,
you have a duty to report it.
- Aye, Staff Sergeant.
- GIBBS: Diaz disappear often?
SANDERS: At night? Yes, sir.
I have no idea why though.
I asked him and he told me
it was better I don't know.
Did he have a girlfriend?
COMBS: Not that I know of.
GIBBS: Heavy reading.
SANDERS: He was the
smartest guy I ever met.
He knew it, too.
Was he close with his family?
Yes, sir. Very close.
We don't make much money, but, uh,
anything extra he made,
he, uh, sent back to them.
COMBS: Diaz's dad
died when he was young.
He looked out for his mom
and his little sisters.
What you got?
I don't know yet.
Here we go.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
RANDY: So much for not
having much to send back.
How much you think's in there?
Enough to get you tortured and killed.
137 G's.
- Mm-hmm.
- Every time a stash
like this comes in,
I think about Belize,
its gorgeous beaches,
its even better extradition policy.
[LAUGHS] I'm just messing with you, kid.
You hear about Ducky's mother
being in town?
GIBBS: Mm-hmm. Yeah, Victoria.
Uh, Lala said Vera
took her out for lunch.
Yeah, well, if that was lunch,
God help everyone at Daly's
when happy hour starts.
What do you mean?
Well, I was having my burger over there
and I watched the mayhem
unfold before me.
Even did a shot of Crown with them.
- Did you?
- Vic is, uh,
some kind of woman.
Is she?
[BELL RINGS]
[LAUGHS]
How's a Marine get this kind of cash?
FRANKS: Maybe he was dealing dope.
Says here he's never popped
on a pee test.
Never get high on your own supply.
You ain't never heard that, Rando?
It's a golden rule, boss, but
pretty unlikely with dealers.
Okay, then, maybe he stole it.
I called Oceanside PD,
sheriff's department,
the FBI, there haven't been any
robberies of that size reported.
FRANKS: Money could've
been illegal from the start.
Hooligans don't report it
when their stash gets boosted.
So, Diaz steals the money
from some unsavory dudes.
They torture him,
but he won't cough it up.
So, they kill him, toss him off a cliff.
FRANKS: Problem is,
Dominguez, if he's dead,
he ain't leading them to their cash.
Maybe they accidentally killed him.
Yeah. As someone recently tortured,
I can vouch that these, uh,
types of guys,
you know, the torturers,
aren't too careful with us torturees.
What's going on, boss?
You got a hot date?
LALA: Actually, he does.
With Swanson.
Really?
Taking her to Lone Star Saturday.
I just saw her chatting with Mary Jo.
Said she was here for some
interagency meeting with Wheeler.
Right on time.
- I'm gonna go seal the deal.
- Wait, wait!
- You haven't asked her yet?
- [BOTH LAUGH]
I saw you make the reservation.
What, you think she's gonna say no?
- [LAUGHTER]
- Go get her, tiger.
- No
- That little bow he does?
- I think it's endearing.
- Y'all talking about Bloom?
- Mm-hmm.
- Boy gives me the heebie-jeebies.
He'll grow on you.
Franks. Can I have a word?
Course.
Listen, I've been thinking.
I want to take you to dinner.
How's Friday?
I, uh
got Gary Callahan Friday.
Okay.
Let me know when you're free.
[GRUNTS]
What?
Ducky called from Forensics.
They've got something.
MARY JO: What's that about?
You don't have Gary on Fridays.
FRANKS: Shut up, Mary Jo.
Let's go, Dominguez!
[DOOR OPENS]
I'm just saying, if you wanted
to go out with her,
why does it matter
that she asked you out first?
How many times I got to tell you?
- I ain't talking about this, Dominguez.
- [GROANS]
DUCKY: And just how many margaritas
- have you had, Mother?
- Wrap it up, Doc.
No, I ain't waiting. You're the one
who called us, for God's sakes.
What do you mean, she's on the bar?
- [GRUMBLES]
- Look, no Mother, Mother?
No, please, do not dance on the bar.
- [CALL DISCONNECTS]
- Mother? Hello?
My mother's just hung up on me.
[SOFTLY]: I'm sure she's fine.
Woodrow, Philip and I
have a rather riveting discovery
to share with you,
but I'm afraid
I must see to this situation.
They're all yours, gentlemen.
May I? Thank you.
WOODY: Ugh. Finally.
You guys.
We have such deliciously sordid news,
that we had a heated dispute
over delivery rights.
BOTH: Your victim Lance
Corporal Diaz was a prostitute.
- Huh?
- But he's a dude.
WOODY: Yeah, well, uh,
we're still waiting for the results
on an expanded tox screen,
but allow us to blow your mind.
Phil, you're up.
First,
deep rust-colored smudges on
the victim's chest and thighs.
You might think that's blood.
Au contraire, mon amour.
That's a deep shade of lipstick
called "Blood Lust."
I've had lipstick all over me.
That don't make me a prostitute.
Yeah, I'm with Franks on this one.
Tough crowd,
but thankfully, there's more.
We found a fiber on the body.
Natural, long-staple cotton fiber.
PHIL: The kind you'd
find on luxurious linens,
the kind you'd find on the beds
of luxurious
- super deluxe hotels.
- FRANKS: Sleeping in fancy sheets
don't overwhelm the fact
that he is a dude.
[PRINTER BEEPS]
As we suspected.
Diaz had a high amount
of papaverine in his system.
- Which is?
- Uh, a medication
to induce erections.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
So, he needed a little bit
of help reporting for duty.
That don't make him a working boy.
What about the restraint marks
on his body?
The lashing, the branding?
That's classic S&M stuff.
And we're not even finished.
Uh, do I look finished?
You've never looked less finished.
The notebook you got on the beach.
We used UV fluorescence imaging
to restore the writing.
LALA: "Shawna, $400.
"Missy, $500.
- Sa"
- I think that dude was a hooker.
[STAMMERS] It's like they just
it's like he figured it out.
It's he's a genius.
Gail. What are you doing here already?
GAIL: Oh,
I came in early because I wanted
to catch up on some collating.
What's going on?
You were the duty agent last night?
Collating, huh?
What's with all the cars in the lot?
Oh, you know how that
dead Marine was a gigolo?
Franks and them were out all night
looking for anyone in the sex
game who might've known him.
Fellas hit all the hotels,
motels and bars.
GAIL: And Lala went
to a bunch of strip clubs
with her CI Bambi Rose.
She's passed out in the rec room.
Smells like cigs
and cocoa butter in there.
- It's hot.
- Careful, Jeremiah.
MARY JO: I think your shift is over, JJ.
- GIBBS: Hey.
- [INHALES SHARPLY]
How'd it go with Bambi?
We hit three strip clubs
and two whorehouses.
No one knew Diaz.
What happened there?
Oh. Some guy got handsy with me
and I punched him in his throat.
- Nice.
- Tell me y'all
came up with something
on our little callboy,
'cause my hotel canvasses
came up with nothing.
- [GRUNTS] Same here.
- All I got
is nightmares for a month and
glitter I can't get off my face.
How many guys got punched in the throat?
RANDY: Drumroll, please.
[IMITATES DRUMROLL]: Da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da
- da-da-da-da!
- [GIBBS CLEARS THROAT]
RANDY: Driftline Hotel. That's
where Diaz was meeting his clients.
Were you in there this whole time?
Yeah, I was just eavesdropping,
waiting for my big moment
to go, "Drumroll, please."
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, the manager saw Diaz there
the night he was killed
but didn't see who he was with.
FRANKS: Security cameras?
All conveniently down.
Someone was getting bribed.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- RANDY: Exactamundo.
Manager seemed nervous, so
I threw around a bunch of big words
like "pandering" and "obstruction."
He folded like a Kmart suit.
It's funny, it's like
everyone's folding
under my pressure lately.
Every month, one of the escorts
would pay the manager
a thousand dollars.
Great. Now we got a list
of names from Diaz's black book
and we know what hotel
he was meeting them at.
Let's get the guest registry
from the Driftline,
- see if any of those names match up.
- RANDY: I already got it.
But they got over 300 rooms
and they're always full.
And Diaz's book only had
his clients' first names.
FRANKS: Didn't say it was gonna be easy,
Dominguez.
I'll get with Gail,
and get copies of the registry going.
Kowalski!
Ah, more hooker dough?
Yeah. You ever see a band like that?
Can't say that I have.
Wonder why the rest of them
weren't wrapped like this.
VICTORIA:
Oh, stop making a fuss, Donald.
You were sleeping
on Vera's floor, Mother.
You have osteoporosis.
VERA: Shh. Inside voices, please.
LALA: Damn, Vera. Rough night?
I think the word
you're looking for is "epic."
By the time I got to Daly's,
they'd already moved on to another bar.
VICTORIA: It's not a bar crawl
unless you actually do
the crawl, darling.
Does anyone know where the loo is?
First door on your right, Vic.
Hello there, Dick.
I didn't even see you there.
- They hide me away.
- With that face?
What an absolute shame.
DUCKY: I am sorry for making this
a family affair, Agent Franks.
I was just passing through
to drop Vera off.
She left her car at Daly's on
account of her being so trolleyed.
FRANKS: Ain't my concern.
Hey, your mother is a beast.
Truth be told, that's why
I brought her out here.
She's a bit of a hedonist.
All the partying
and the men in her wake,
it's all been too much.
I just needed to find
some way to break the cycle.
Look, Doc, I'm sorry
your mama's been getting around,
but I'm trying to concentrate.
Ooh, how fun. A Saint George ribbon.
- You seen one of them before?
- Oh, but of course.
The orange and black patterning
is the unmistakable symbol
of honor in Russia dating back
to Catherine the Great.
Russia, huh?
Hey, what's our Russki CI's name?
Blockbuster boy?
- Vlad.
- Y'all go pay him a visit.
Rando and I will get cracking
on Diaz's client list.
I'm glad you know
so much useless crap, Doc.
Your mom's a hedonist, huh?
Hey. Heads up.
Vera said Vlad's wife's
been a problem lately.
Uh, I need to tell you something.
Randy got you to spill, didn't he?
- How do you know?
- Because I know him
and I know you.
- You're all so damn predictable.
- [SCOFFS]
How am I predictable?
Randy knew you'd tell him
everything to keep him
from pestering me and then
you told him everything.
How's that not predictable?
I-I am trying to protect you.
Is that a bad thing?
I knew you'd say that.
[GUNFIRE OVER TV]
What's up, man? Cool shades.
I am the Terminator.
I wouldn't mess with you.
[RUSSIAN ACCENT]: Peter, go to back.
- Mom.
- Now.
I'll be back.
I know my husband
made agreement with you,
but you are to never speak
to my son again. Understood?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Olia.
That's enough.
It's okay.
It's okay.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Come, follow me.
I'm sorry for my wife.
She did not want me to enter
into this deal with you.
She thinks this place
is not worth the risk. [SCOFFS]
Can you imagine? Look around.
We're in blue heaven.
And I'll tell you secret.
[WHISPERS]: The smell of real popcorn
makes people want to rent more movies.
- Genius, eh?
- Mm. We got a dead Marine.
Found some cash wrapped
in a Saint George ribbon.
Think he was involved
in a Russian prostitution ring.
I have not heard about
anything like this.
I think I just saw that look
on your face.
What look?
We're gonna do this every time?
Yes, we are.
You see, you are Eddie Murphy
and he is Judge Reinhold
in Beverly Hills Cop,
and you have to use your wit
and charm to convince me.
Hey.
Okay, fine.
There is a lucrative
male escort operation
run by Russian.
You know what it remind me of?
American Gigolo. You know.
Richard Gere?
- Vlad.
- LALA: The guy running this.
- What's his name?
- [SCOFFS]
Who said it was a guy?
Her name is Zlata Zhukov.
She operates her organization
from a bar she owns
called The Black Bear.
Zlata is ruthless, cunning.
Do not let your guard down
for a moment.
She is held accountable
by no one.
Zlata?
NCIS. We need to talk.
About?
Lance Corporal Diaz.
Good-looking boy.
Not anymore.
- What happened?
- GIBBS: He was murdered
two nights ago after he left
the Driftline Hotel,
where he was working for you.
Who was he with?
We have enough to arrest you
for sex trafficking,
so maybe you want to think
about cooperating.
Arrest me?
[LAUGHS] This is America.
With your amazing legal system,
I'll be out in no time.
- I have great lawyer.
- GIBBS: Maybe.
But we'll storm this place with Feds.
And that won't be good for business.
I like your style.
You ever want to make more than
poor cop salary, come see Zlata.
We make big bucks.
GIBBS: All right.
Feds it is.
Even if I give you the client's name,
she will not talk to cops.
She has money for good lawyer, too.
Then don't tell her I'm a cop.
Tell her I work for you.
You said it yourself, I look the part.
And if I do this, you will back off?
LALA: No.
But we'll go easier on you.
Okay.
We'll be in touch.
So, you're going full gigolo now, huh?
You really took that
"predictable" thing to heart.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Yeah.
LALA: We're not rehashing
the terms of the deal, Zlata.
You're getting off easy.
You got three at this hour?
I'm a miracle worker.
Zlata, enough.
Agent Gibbs is meeting this Mona
woman in a couple hours.
- What is going on?
- Sorry, MJ, lots happening here.
You really need
this much surveillance equipment
for one hotel room?
Better safe than sorry. Lala.
Hey, Lala. Didn't one of these
bad boys scald your leg?
Okay, righty it is.
How frickin' exciting.
Gibbs as a hooker, Gail.
- He'd be expensive.
- [LAUGHS]
When you get in there, probie, remember,
no kissing above the neck.
- Hookers don't do that.
- Hmm.
- How would you know?
- [CLEARS THROAT]
And you're gonna need a duress code.
GIBBS: Pretty sure I can
handle a horny housewife.
MARY JO: Uh-uh.
There's a lot of graveyards
filled with overconfident men.
FRANKS: That is right, Mary Jo.
Lance Corporal Diaz
went in there thinking
he was just gonna get
a little hanky-panky.
- We all know how that wound up.
- [SIGHS]
I'll ask her if she's cold.
That's the duress code.
Ocean-blue
storm-gray
and jet-black.
Yeah, I was gonna say black anyway.
The Man in Black, Johnny Cash!
- Let's go.
- RANDY: Microphone incoming.
And here is Le Rivière Noir.
The super-expensive cologne
Junie gave me for my birthday.
Aka, sexual catnip.
- [COUGHS]
- GIBBS: Damn.
- That's strong.
- You need strong, probie.
Your natural man scent reeks of cop.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Uh, the blue.
Blue is nice.
But we got bigger problems.
This client you're seeing, Mona,
she is hot for teacher.
Zlata says she has a kink for
the sexy, know-it-all professor.
RANDY: Must be why
she set her up with Diaz.
His roommate said he was
the smartest person he ever met.
- [SNIFFING]
- Yeah, Gibbs is screwed.
What?
- I know stuff.
- Okay.
Hit me, Professor.
GIBBS: Okay.
A two-by-four isn't really
two inches by four inches.
After drying and planing,
it's actually a lot closer
to one and a quarter
Ease up, probie, you're
giving me a chubby over here.
[LAUGHTER]
RANDY: What if we give him an earwig?
We just got a prototype from HQ.
Real 007 stuff.
We could feed him lines.
You know, the three of us
combined have to be
as smart as Diaz, right?
I can't have you all in my ear.
LALA: He's right.
We need a singular voice.
You want me to Cyrano Jethro?
We don't want you to.
This-this whole idea
is damn embarrassing.
- But we're in a situation, Doc.
- I am a medical examiner,
not an agent or Gérard Depardieu.
At this point, it don't matter
if you're a garbageman.
You are a know-it-all,
and that's what we need.
A pursuit of knowledge
hardly makes me a know-it-all.
And that is a rather unflattering term.
Although, it didn't start that way.
It originated with the learned character
Mr. Know-All
in John Bunyan's 1682 book
The Holy War
Very well. How is this gonna work?
Okay, so, you'll be in a room
with us, safe and sound,
- talking in Gibbs's ear.
- In Gibbs's ear.
You just got to run your mouth
like you always do.
You feed him the lines, you are
the brains, he is the brawn.
DUCKY: Mother?
- MARY JO: Victoria.
- We ain't got time for this, Doc.
MARY JO: You look amazing.
Ducky's in the rec room. I'll show you.
Oh, no, I don't want to bother him.
Mother, I thought you were
getting a facial in the hotel.
- Is everything all right?
- Mm-hmm.
There she is.
You look lovely, Vic.
Oh. Aren't you sweet?
Mother, what is this?
Oh, I asked Dick to dinner.
- You got to be kidding me.
- KOWALSKI: Uh,
meant to come in and say
something to you, Doc,
but you looked pretty tied up in there.
I figured Swanson was into
some New Age women's lib crap.
There ain't nothing new about her.
- Hey. Easy.
- [LAUGHS] It's fine, it's fine.
Michael is, um,
intimidated by mature women.
FRANKS: I ain't intimidated.
I just miss when pimps were men
and hookers were women,
like God intended.
DUCKY: Perhaps the world is
simply evolving, Agent Franks.
But, Mother, I thought we agreed
you were going to have
a relaxing night alone.
Oh, damn.
["RETURN OF THE MACK"
BY MARK MORRISON PLAYING]
Return of the Mack ♪
- There it is ♪
- Return of the Mack ♪
- Come on ♪
- Return of the Mack ♪
- Oh, my God ♪
- You know that I'll ♪
[COUGHING]
You went a little hard there, kid.
Franks said I smell like a cop.
What? Too much?
VICTORIA: With a physique like that,
cologne is but an afterthought.
KOWALSKI: Don't worry, Doc,
I'll have her home at a reasonable hour.
- Okay?
- Oh, what a shame.
You switched to blue.
Yeah.
All right. The guys
should have the cameras ready,
so it's just about go time. Y'all ready?
- Yeah.
- No, not really.
Perfect. Let's go!
[RANDY SHOUTS]
- This way, please.
- Wait.
There.
DUCKY [OVER RADIO]:
Jethro, do you copy?
Loud and clear.
FRANKS: We see you, probie.
Looking good.
Yes, do let me know
if I can adjust my speech
for clarity, Jethro.
I, uh, did a spot of theater
at Cambridge,
so I have an American accent
in my repertoire.
[AMERICAN ACCENT]:
You look awesome, dude.
[RANDY LAUGHS]
Just be you, Ducky.
LALA: How you feeling, Gibbs?
Like I'm born for this.
- [KEYPAD BEEPS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
[SOFTLY]: Incoming.
Mona.
You must be Alex.
Alexander.
FRANKS: Well, she's unexpected.
What? She's paying for sex.
I didn't think she'd come in
looking like Jessica Rabbit.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Showtime, Ducky.
Here goes nothing.
Your gorgeous crimson locks
bring to mind Mary, Queen of Scots,
whose beauty inspired
the devotion of countless men.
Your gorgeous crimson locks
bring to mind
Mary, Queen of Scots.
Her beauty inspired the devotion
of countless men.
[CORK POPS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Where were you educated?
- Brown, Sorbonne, Cambridge.
- [DRINK POURS]
What did you study?
Anatomy.
And the psychology of human sexuality.
Oh.
Lucky me.
GIBBS: How about we
make ourselves comfortable?
Are you aware the MC1R gene variant
responsible for red hair
also makes the carrier
more sensitive to dental pain?
LALA: Little sexier, Ducky.
DNA in and of itself is sexy.
All right, I'll try.
Bigger words.
Excuse me?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Bigger words.
- [MOANS SOFTLY]
DUCKY: I have advanced proficiency
in reciprocal osculatory biomechanics.
RANDY: And that means?
- He's a good kisser.
- Nice.
- [STATIC CRACKLES]
- Something wrong?
FRANKS: Why's he just sitting there?
It looks like we just
lost signal on Gibbs's earwig.
Well, get it working, Rando.
He ain't gonna last long on his own.
Yeah, I'm trying, boss,
but it's a prototype.
I'm guessing they're
still working out the kinks.
No.
I just
I could give you
five-syllable words all night.
But I would rather see if
redheads are more sensitive
in other places, too.
[GASPS SOFTLY]
Look at that.
Maybe Gibbs doesn't need Doc
in his ear after all.
DUCKY: I built the fire.
Jethro merely put the kettle on.
But first, I want
to get to know what you like.
Tell me how
your last lover failed.
I want to be better for you.
Oh, I don't want
to talk about my lovers.
I want you to make me forget about them.
I want to know how I compare.
MONA [LAUGHS]:
Oh, that's what turns you on?
What is with me and these jealous men?
What does she mean by "jealous men"?
Maybe Diaz caught feelings for her.
He wanted her all to himself.
I told Gibbs hookers
don't do nothing above the neck.
He's gonna blow his cover.
[MOANS]
RANDY: Cover seems intact.
Oh.
[MOANS]
Mona!
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
Wait, you know this guy?
- I'm gonna kill you.
- Who the hell's that guy?
RANDY: Yep.
- You stay here.
- Gladly.
- MONA: Chet.
- "Out with the girls," huh?
Take it easy. Take it easy, okay?
- [MONA GROANS]
- Uh
You cold by any chance?
[CHET YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
- [BONES CRACK]
- [GRUNTS]
[GROANS] It is cold!
It is very freakin' cold!
NCIS!
LALA: Hands on your head.
Hands behind your back.
She's my wife!
Yeah. I am getting that.
I think we should call our lawyer.
Great, while you got him
on the horn, can you tell him
you're being charged for
Lance Corporal Diaz's murder?
- Who?
- Marco is dead?
RANDY: Yeah. And as far as we know,
you were the last person
to see him alive.
Or was it you?
CHET: I don't even know
who we're talking about.
FRANKS: Talking about the guy
she was banging, Chet.
There was another one?
I swear I had no idea
anything happened to Marco.
Zlata said he was taking a break,
that she had this new guy
Alexander she wanted me to meet.
Oh, that bitch set me up, didn't she?
How'd you know she'd be here?
I followed her.
- You done that before?
- MONA: Oh, my God,
Marco said he was being followed.
He thought it was one of his
client's boyfriends or husbands.
Was it you?
- Did you kill him?
- No, Mona, I didn't.
And I'm only gonna
ask you this one time.
How many guys have you been banging?
Where were you two nights ago?
I drove to Beverly Hills
to get her an anniversary gift.
The Chanel clutch.
- [WHISTLES]
- Oh, pull it together, Chet.
Diaz say anything about the guys
who were tailing him?
Type of car?
No, but I told him
it was probably his girlfriend.
He didn't have a girlfriend.
Yeah, he did, and she's a freak.
He had all these S&M whip marks
and burns she gave him.
I mean, he was into it, too.
He even got me to burn him
with candle wax once.
- Oh, Lord.
- DUCKY: Excuse me,
but I've been eavesdropping
from the other room.
You banging this guy, too?
DUCKY: Diaz had the
most curious branding mark
that I couldn't identify.
Did he mention what specifically
his girlfriend used to burn him?
MONA: Yeah, lots of things.
Uh, fire poker.
- No, it's not from that.
- Curling iron.
- Nope.
- Cigarette lighter from her car,
a frickin' glue gun
Car lighter. That's it.
The size matches, and the
faint lines are from the coils.
[GROANS] I didn't suspect it
because of the square shape.
I ain't never seen a square one before.
Precisely.
KOWALSKI:
Turns out, there's only 11 cars
registered in the county that
have a square dashboard lighter,
and one of them is Staff
Sergeant Combs's woodie wagon.
She and Diaz had been carrying
on a secret affair for months.
But why did she do it?
Did that little freak find out
that he was hooking?
She did, Victoria.
And she just admitted to everything.
Said she lost it,
and expressed her displeasure
with a tire iron.
DUCKY: A tire iron that Mother found.
How was your date?
Donald, don't.
I know how you feel,
but I deserve some fun.
You're right.
- I'm right?
- Yes.
I'm sorry, Mother.
I'm afraid since Father left,
I've been acting like
[SCOFFS] well, your father.
Ironically, it was Agent Franks's tirade
about the conventional roles
of men and women that helped me
to see the error of my ways.
I realized if Father had been
enjoying life as much as you,
I wouldn't have the same issues.
[TONGUE CLICKS]
Mighty wise of you, Ducky.
Dick, I know you to be a good man.
I'll leave you two to enjoy
your last day together.
Uh, does that mean
you won't say anything
when I go to Aruba
with Arthur next week?
I will say, "Bon voyage."
Thank you, Donald.
So
who's this Arthur fella?
OLDER GIBBS: We all have
roles we're expected to play.
Some of us are good with that.
Others, not so much.
FRANKS: Had another meeting with Cliff,
huh?
Yep.
Listen, about the other day
I was off-put by you asking me out.
You might find this surprising,
but I'm a bit of a traditionalist.
You don't say.
I'm free Saturday if you are.
Got this fancy little spot I like
called Lone Star Steakhouse.
I love Lone Star.
I'll even let you get the check.
- Yeah, you will.
- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Great.
- [CHUCKLES]
Pick you up at 8:00.
Wait, pick me up?
OLDER GIBBS:
Franks liked his role,
but he liked Swanson even more.
Lala watched me play a guy
who knew exactly
what a woman wanted.
You did good last night.
What, are you surprised?
Not that you did good.
Maybe
how you did it.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
You're not always so predictable.
You said you needed time.
I'm not gonna take that from you.
OLDER GIBBS:
And now, she was seeing
maybe that wasn't
just a role after all.
Another one in the books, eh, Jethro?
Won't forget that one anytime soon.
We make a good team.
- Yeah. We really do.
- [CHUCKLES]
When are you and your mom heading out?
First thing tomorrow.
But I'm actually
rather excited about it.
We're going to make a meal
of the trip home.
- We're taking a train.
- Really?
- The finest form of travel.
- [CHUCKLES]
In fact, did I ever tell you
I once had the privilege
of riding in the fastest
steam locomotive of all time?
Most wonderfully named
the Mallard.
I could go on and on about that beauty,
but only a know-it-all would do that.
You know, if you have time,
I would love to go to lunch
and hear all about it.
I do have time,
and would love some lunch.
- Mm.
- [LAUGHS] Come this way.
OLDER GIBBS: For me,
Ducky would go on to play the role
of the best friend
a guy could ask for.
[ELEVATOR CHIMES]
Oh, Jethro, do be careful.
That is a limited edition
Blue LINER Class A4
Mallard train.
I won a seat in a poker game,
sipped Negronis all the way
to Edinburgh Waverley station.
Not bad.
[REGULAR ACCENT]:
Ah, I've been working on it.
I do miss the Duck-man.
Yeah.
I do, too.
[SIGHS]
About your prints.
Belong to a tracker
who used to work for the CIA.
I doubt he's the shooter.
I think the shooter hired him
to find you in the middle of nowhere.
OLDER GIBBS: Sounds like this
tracker and I should have a chat.
Yeah, about that second target.
Our system was hacked
a few weeks ago, and they accessed
all the personnel files from the '90s.
I seem to recall that you had
a rule about coincidences?
I'm worried about you, Gibbs.
You've been out of the game for a while.
And what else was it?
Oh, yeah, you've been shot.
I'm okay.
You can't do this alone.
Bravest people I've ever known
are in this building.
And they're lucky
to have you leading them, Tony.
I'm proud of you.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Take care, boss.
- GIBBS: I want you.
- LALA: Prove it.
Wait for me. I just need some time.
Then I'll wait as long as it takes.
SWANSON: Better be careful,
or people might start thinking
we make a good team.
[GUNSHOT]
OLDER GIBBS:
He said, "One down
- [GASPS]
- one to go,"
so I knew someone close to me
was in trouble.
- Whose print is it?
- He's in the system,
but his profile's locked up
beyond my reach.
To figure out who that is,
you're gonna need someone
with serious access.
[SIGHS]
TONY: If I'm half the
leader Vance was
I'll have done one hell of a job.
I know, I'm late.
But you know how tough it is to
find a decent bottle of bourbon
- at this hour?
- [CHUCKLES]: Tony.
[GIBBS GRUNTS]
You're the only guy I know
who could live a hundred miles
from civilization
and still manage to get shot.
So
what have you been up to
the last ten years?
[CHUCKLES]: Oh, come on. You first.
Oh. Went to Paris with Tali,
and then it took a hot minute,
but Ziva found us,
and we are together now.
We got framed. Big heist.
Like, 122 million euros big.
Imagine Clark and Ellen Griswold,
European Vacation,
except every seven minutes,
they're getting guns
stuffed in their faces.
Obviously, we cleared our names,
and then someone had the bright idea
of putting me in charge
of this whole kit and caboodle.
- You?
- Alaska.
Huh.
What else?
I got a dog.
Well, glad you're not alone
up there, Gibbs.
To Leon Vance.
Yeah.
Hell of a life.
When I got your message,
I thought it was McGee
using AI to mess with my head.
I gave it ten-to-one odds
you'd even show.
- I knew you'd show.
- [CHUCKLES]
You see the shooter?
There were two of them.
Naturally. It would take
multiple men to not kill you.
- You got the print?
- Yeah.
- [GIBBS SIGHS]
- You got a bullet in you.
Jimmy should look you over.
- No one can know I'm here.
- Right.
You're dead. I know.
- It's buried in red tape.
- Well, good.
A challenge, at 2:00 a.m.
Nice to see you, too.
I almost came to see you, Duck.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
I wonder what you'd think about that.
DUCKY: No, my dear boy,
this simply shouldn't
have been your time.
I've only just met you,
and yet, you've got so much to tell me.
Fresh calluses. I'd surmise
you pumped iron, perhaps.
Manicured nails.
Your appearance
was of great importance to you.
Even your brows are perfectly plucked.
I know you're a Marine,
but part of me wonders
if you're an aspiring model?
You certainly got the looks for it.
But how did you fall off this cliff?
That is the question.
FRANKS: I got one of them, too.
- The hell you doing here?
- Agent Franks.
How lovely to see you this fine morning.
Tango and Friedman
are at a conference this week,
so the Duck-man is filling in.
- Pretty great, huh?
- You get a haircut?
[SCOFFS] Couple days ago.
You, uh, just now noticing?
- Looks good.
- RANDY [DISTANT]: Hey, boss!
- You see Ducky's here?
- Yeah, I'm standing
right next to him, Rando!
- Oh, okay.
- What do we got?
Lance Corporal Marco Diaz, 22.
A beach walker found him early
this morning, called it in.
Found a Marine logbook
in the bushes back there.
Likely fell out of his pocket
when he went over.
- Anything written in it?
- Yeah,
but it was out
in the marine layer all night.
The ink's blurred.
You can't read a word.
What are we thinking?
He got too close to the edge,
tumbled down?
I'm afraid it's far more sinister.
This is quite the wound.
Elongated, fracture lines are clean.
That didn't come from the fall.
No, Cecilia, he was struck.
And the murder weapon we're looking for
is something heavy,
with a narrow striking surface.
RANDY: Oh, my goodness.
- Ma'am? Ma'am? [SHOUTS]
- [VICTORIA SHOUTING]
You're too close to the edge.
Uh, please back up the hill.
Oh, relax, Bernard.
I simply want to get a photo of Donald
at work with this beautiful background.
For Aunt Phillis, Donald.
- You know this lady?
- DUCKY: Yes.
It is my mother Victoria Mallard.
The hell's she doing here?
The hell you doing here?
Oh, I flew out with Donald
for a little R & R.
We were at brunch when he was paged.
The hotel was in the opposite direction.
So, I said, "Well,
why don't I just come along
and I'll stay out of the way?"
Oh, is that what you think you're doing?
Well. You are even pricklier
than Donald let on, Michael.
He has told me a lot
about all of you. [LAUGHS]
- This is amazing.
- This is epic.
FRANKS: There's nothing
epic about an old lady
trampling our crime scene!
Oh! Oh, my.
Bernard, would you be so kind
as to come and have a look at this?
- RANDY: Yes.
- DUCKY: Mother!
Back to the car, please!
RANDY: Hey, boss?
I'm pretty sure Ducky's mom
just found the murder weapon.
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
How's that for an old lady, Michael?
7:30, okay. Make sure
I get the booth I like.
Yeah, the one with the picture
of President Bush
wearing the cowboy hat on the wall.
Okay, thanks.
Gibbs and Randy are headed to
talk to Diaz's platoon sergeant.
What about the tire iron?
Blood type's O negative, so is Diaz,
but the handle's
been wiped clean of prints.
What was that little smile about?
I am taking FBI Swanson
on a date Saturday.
Just made the res.
Look at you. Where you taking her?
Lone Star Steakhouse.
Place with the peanut shells
on the floor?
That's the one.
What, y'all don't think she's worth it?
Following the Civil War,
American taverns were overrun,
and peanuts
were the cheapest snack
a barkeep could serve.
Incidentally,
the discarded shells on the floor
helped to soak up the beer
- You ready for us?
- Right this way.
Left your mama at the hotel this time?
Actually, Vera's been so kind
as to take her to lunch.
She met Mother last month
when she flew to D.C.
to give a lecture on profiling,
and the two of them hit it off.
- In fact
- The body, Duck.
Yes, of course. I called you here
because once I got
the lance corporal undressed,
I found some suspicious markings.
- Look here.
- LALA: What is that, branding?
Yes, some sort of square.
I've not seen anything like it.
But I'm afraid
that's the least of his worries.
- Was he restrained?
- I believe like so.
And there is more.
Look at all these lashings
and burns on his abdomen.
Far too symmetrical to be from the fall.
- He was whipped.
- Indeed, Michael.
I believe this poor young man
was tortured.
Copy that, MJ. Thanks for the update.
PE-19 out.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Tortured?
Geez Louise.
Diaz's record's spotless.
No page 11s, no NJPs.
He was a model Marine.
How does this happen to a guy like that?
A perfect record just means
he wasn't caught for anything before.
True that.
Did you and Lala hook up?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
Where did that come from?
I keep getting these, like,
strange little looks and moments
between you guys.
Like the other day when you
brought Lala's lunch to her
and she said, "Thank you, Gibbs."
- And that's strange?
- Oh, outlandish.
She should've just been like, "Thanks,"
or, like, said nothing at all.
- It wasn't like her.
- It was that cheesesteak she loves.
She was probably just excited.
You remembered her order.
You never remember anyone's order.
- Randy, it's
- You can deny it all you want,
but I know something happened.
And my next move is to lean on Lala.
I don't want to do that,
but I have no choice.
I'm just that nosy.
It's gonna get really awkward
and I'm gonna feel really bad,
but at the end of the day,
she won't lie to me.
Yeah, we kissed.
I knew it. I knew it.
I but I don't know where it's going.
But you're hoping it goes somewhere?
Yeah, you're hoping.
GIBBS: Okay, so, now you know.
So, there is no need for you
to go bother Lala
about any of this.
Randy?
I already asked her. She said no.
You Staff Sergeant Combs?
NCIS?
Nice whip.
- You coming, bud?
- Oh, yep.
RANDY: Did you leave
the barracks anytime
between 8:00 p.m. and reveille?
No, sir. I was dead tired, racked out.
And Diaz never came back.
That's unacceptable, Marine.
If your bunkmate
is unaccounted for,
you have a duty to report it.
- Aye, Staff Sergeant.
- GIBBS: Diaz disappear often?
SANDERS: At night? Yes, sir.
I have no idea why though.
I asked him and he told me
it was better I don't know.
Did he have a girlfriend?
COMBS: Not that I know of.
GIBBS: Heavy reading.
SANDERS: He was the
smartest guy I ever met.
He knew it, too.
Was he close with his family?
Yes, sir. Very close.
We don't make much money, but, uh,
anything extra he made,
he, uh, sent back to them.
COMBS: Diaz's dad
died when he was young.
He looked out for his mom
and his little sisters.
What you got?
I don't know yet.
Here we go.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
RANDY: So much for not
having much to send back.
How much you think's in there?
Enough to get you tortured and killed.
137 G's.
- Mm-hmm.
- Every time a stash
like this comes in,
I think about Belize,
its gorgeous beaches,
its even better extradition policy.
[LAUGHS] I'm just messing with you, kid.
You hear about Ducky's mother
being in town?
GIBBS: Mm-hmm. Yeah, Victoria.
Uh, Lala said Vera
took her out for lunch.
Yeah, well, if that was lunch,
God help everyone at Daly's
when happy hour starts.
What do you mean?
Well, I was having my burger over there
and I watched the mayhem
unfold before me.
Even did a shot of Crown with them.
- Did you?
- Vic is, uh,
some kind of woman.
Is she?
[BELL RINGS]
[LAUGHS]
How's a Marine get this kind of cash?
FRANKS: Maybe he was dealing dope.
Says here he's never popped
on a pee test.
Never get high on your own supply.
You ain't never heard that, Rando?
It's a golden rule, boss, but
pretty unlikely with dealers.
Okay, then, maybe he stole it.
I called Oceanside PD,
sheriff's department,
the FBI, there haven't been any
robberies of that size reported.
FRANKS: Money could've
been illegal from the start.
Hooligans don't report it
when their stash gets boosted.
So, Diaz steals the money
from some unsavory dudes.
They torture him,
but he won't cough it up.
So, they kill him, toss him off a cliff.
FRANKS: Problem is,
Dominguez, if he's dead,
he ain't leading them to their cash.
Maybe they accidentally killed him.
Yeah. As someone recently tortured,
I can vouch that these, uh,
types of guys,
you know, the torturers,
aren't too careful with us torturees.
What's going on, boss?
You got a hot date?
LALA: Actually, he does.
With Swanson.
Really?
Taking her to Lone Star Saturday.
I just saw her chatting with Mary Jo.
Said she was here for some
interagency meeting with Wheeler.
Right on time.
- I'm gonna go seal the deal.
- Wait, wait!
- You haven't asked her yet?
- [BOTH LAUGH]
I saw you make the reservation.
What, you think she's gonna say no?
- [LAUGHTER]
- Go get her, tiger.
- No
- That little bow he does?
- I think it's endearing.
- Y'all talking about Bloom?
- Mm-hmm.
- Boy gives me the heebie-jeebies.
He'll grow on you.
Franks. Can I have a word?
Course.
Listen, I've been thinking.
I want to take you to dinner.
How's Friday?
I, uh
got Gary Callahan Friday.
Okay.
Let me know when you're free.
[GRUNTS]
What?
Ducky called from Forensics.
They've got something.
MARY JO: What's that about?
You don't have Gary on Fridays.
FRANKS: Shut up, Mary Jo.
Let's go, Dominguez!
[DOOR OPENS]
I'm just saying, if you wanted
to go out with her,
why does it matter
that she asked you out first?
How many times I got to tell you?
- I ain't talking about this, Dominguez.
- [GROANS]
DUCKY: And just how many margaritas
- have you had, Mother?
- Wrap it up, Doc.
No, I ain't waiting. You're the one
who called us, for God's sakes.
What do you mean, she's on the bar?
- [GRUMBLES]
- Look, no Mother, Mother?
No, please, do not dance on the bar.
- [CALL DISCONNECTS]
- Mother? Hello?
My mother's just hung up on me.
[SOFTLY]: I'm sure she's fine.
Woodrow, Philip and I
have a rather riveting discovery
to share with you,
but I'm afraid
I must see to this situation.
They're all yours, gentlemen.
May I? Thank you.
WOODY: Ugh. Finally.
You guys.
We have such deliciously sordid news,
that we had a heated dispute
over delivery rights.
BOTH: Your victim Lance
Corporal Diaz was a prostitute.
- Huh?
- But he's a dude.
WOODY: Yeah, well, uh,
we're still waiting for the results
on an expanded tox screen,
but allow us to blow your mind.
Phil, you're up.
First,
deep rust-colored smudges on
the victim's chest and thighs.
You might think that's blood.
Au contraire, mon amour.
That's a deep shade of lipstick
called "Blood Lust."
I've had lipstick all over me.
That don't make me a prostitute.
Yeah, I'm with Franks on this one.
Tough crowd,
but thankfully, there's more.
We found a fiber on the body.
Natural, long-staple cotton fiber.
PHIL: The kind you'd
find on luxurious linens,
the kind you'd find on the beds
of luxurious
- super deluxe hotels.
- FRANKS: Sleeping in fancy sheets
don't overwhelm the fact
that he is a dude.
[PRINTER BEEPS]
As we suspected.
Diaz had a high amount
of papaverine in his system.
- Which is?
- Uh, a medication
to induce erections.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
So, he needed a little bit
of help reporting for duty.
That don't make him a working boy.
What about the restraint marks
on his body?
The lashing, the branding?
That's classic S&M stuff.
And we're not even finished.
Uh, do I look finished?
You've never looked less finished.
The notebook you got on the beach.
We used UV fluorescence imaging
to restore the writing.
LALA: "Shawna, $400.
"Missy, $500.
- Sa"
- I think that dude was a hooker.
[STAMMERS] It's like they just
it's like he figured it out.
It's he's a genius.
Gail. What are you doing here already?
GAIL: Oh,
I came in early because I wanted
to catch up on some collating.
What's going on?
You were the duty agent last night?
Collating, huh?
What's with all the cars in the lot?
Oh, you know how that
dead Marine was a gigolo?
Franks and them were out all night
looking for anyone in the sex
game who might've known him.
Fellas hit all the hotels,
motels and bars.
GAIL: And Lala went
to a bunch of strip clubs
with her CI Bambi Rose.
She's passed out in the rec room.
Smells like cigs
and cocoa butter in there.
- It's hot.
- Careful, Jeremiah.
MARY JO: I think your shift is over, JJ.
- GIBBS: Hey.
- [INHALES SHARPLY]
How'd it go with Bambi?
We hit three strip clubs
and two whorehouses.
No one knew Diaz.
What happened there?
Oh. Some guy got handsy with me
and I punched him in his throat.
- Nice.
- Tell me y'all
came up with something
on our little callboy,
'cause my hotel canvasses
came up with nothing.
- [GRUNTS] Same here.
- All I got
is nightmares for a month and
glitter I can't get off my face.
How many guys got punched in the throat?
RANDY: Drumroll, please.
[IMITATES DRUMROLL]: Da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da
- da-da-da-da!
- [GIBBS CLEARS THROAT]
RANDY: Driftline Hotel. That's
where Diaz was meeting his clients.
Were you in there this whole time?
Yeah, I was just eavesdropping,
waiting for my big moment
to go, "Drumroll, please."
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, the manager saw Diaz there
the night he was killed
but didn't see who he was with.
FRANKS: Security cameras?
All conveniently down.
Someone was getting bribed.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- RANDY: Exactamundo.
Manager seemed nervous, so
I threw around a bunch of big words
like "pandering" and "obstruction."
He folded like a Kmart suit.
It's funny, it's like
everyone's folding
under my pressure lately.
Every month, one of the escorts
would pay the manager
a thousand dollars.
Great. Now we got a list
of names from Diaz's black book
and we know what hotel
he was meeting them at.
Let's get the guest registry
from the Driftline,
- see if any of those names match up.
- RANDY: I already got it.
But they got over 300 rooms
and they're always full.
And Diaz's book only had
his clients' first names.
FRANKS: Didn't say it was gonna be easy,
Dominguez.
I'll get with Gail,
and get copies of the registry going.
Kowalski!
Ah, more hooker dough?
Yeah. You ever see a band like that?
Can't say that I have.
Wonder why the rest of them
weren't wrapped like this.
VICTORIA:
Oh, stop making a fuss, Donald.
You were sleeping
on Vera's floor, Mother.
You have osteoporosis.
VERA: Shh. Inside voices, please.
LALA: Damn, Vera. Rough night?
I think the word
you're looking for is "epic."
By the time I got to Daly's,
they'd already moved on to another bar.
VICTORIA: It's not a bar crawl
unless you actually do
the crawl, darling.
Does anyone know where the loo is?
First door on your right, Vic.
Hello there, Dick.
I didn't even see you there.
- They hide me away.
- With that face?
What an absolute shame.
DUCKY: I am sorry for making this
a family affair, Agent Franks.
I was just passing through
to drop Vera off.
She left her car at Daly's on
account of her being so trolleyed.
FRANKS: Ain't my concern.
Hey, your mother is a beast.
Truth be told, that's why
I brought her out here.
She's a bit of a hedonist.
All the partying
and the men in her wake,
it's all been too much.
I just needed to find
some way to break the cycle.
Look, Doc, I'm sorry
your mama's been getting around,
but I'm trying to concentrate.
Ooh, how fun. A Saint George ribbon.
- You seen one of them before?
- Oh, but of course.
The orange and black patterning
is the unmistakable symbol
of honor in Russia dating back
to Catherine the Great.
Russia, huh?
Hey, what's our Russki CI's name?
Blockbuster boy?
- Vlad.
- Y'all go pay him a visit.
Rando and I will get cracking
on Diaz's client list.
I'm glad you know
so much useless crap, Doc.
Your mom's a hedonist, huh?
Hey. Heads up.
Vera said Vlad's wife's
been a problem lately.
Uh, I need to tell you something.
Randy got you to spill, didn't he?
- How do you know?
- Because I know him
and I know you.
- You're all so damn predictable.
- [SCOFFS]
How am I predictable?
Randy knew you'd tell him
everything to keep him
from pestering me and then
you told him everything.
How's that not predictable?
I-I am trying to protect you.
Is that a bad thing?
I knew you'd say that.
[GUNFIRE OVER TV]
What's up, man? Cool shades.
I am the Terminator.
I wouldn't mess with you.
[RUSSIAN ACCENT]: Peter, go to back.
- Mom.
- Now.
I'll be back.
I know my husband
made agreement with you,
but you are to never speak
to my son again. Understood?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Olia.
That's enough.
It's okay.
It's okay.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Come, follow me.
I'm sorry for my wife.
She did not want me to enter
into this deal with you.
She thinks this place
is not worth the risk. [SCOFFS]
Can you imagine? Look around.
We're in blue heaven.
And I'll tell you secret.
[WHISPERS]: The smell of real popcorn
makes people want to rent more movies.
- Genius, eh?
- Mm. We got a dead Marine.
Found some cash wrapped
in a Saint George ribbon.
Think he was involved
in a Russian prostitution ring.
I have not heard about
anything like this.
I think I just saw that look
on your face.
What look?
We're gonna do this every time?
Yes, we are.
You see, you are Eddie Murphy
and he is Judge Reinhold
in Beverly Hills Cop,
and you have to use your wit
and charm to convince me.
Hey.
Okay, fine.
There is a lucrative
male escort operation
run by Russian.
You know what it remind me of?
American Gigolo. You know.
Richard Gere?
- Vlad.
- LALA: The guy running this.
- What's his name?
- [SCOFFS]
Who said it was a guy?
Her name is Zlata Zhukov.
She operates her organization
from a bar she owns
called The Black Bear.
Zlata is ruthless, cunning.
Do not let your guard down
for a moment.
She is held accountable
by no one.
Zlata?
NCIS. We need to talk.
About?
Lance Corporal Diaz.
Good-looking boy.
Not anymore.
- What happened?
- GIBBS: He was murdered
two nights ago after he left
the Driftline Hotel,
where he was working for you.
Who was he with?
We have enough to arrest you
for sex trafficking,
so maybe you want to think
about cooperating.
Arrest me?
[LAUGHS] This is America.
With your amazing legal system,
I'll be out in no time.
- I have great lawyer.
- GIBBS: Maybe.
But we'll storm this place with Feds.
And that won't be good for business.
I like your style.
You ever want to make more than
poor cop salary, come see Zlata.
We make big bucks.
GIBBS: All right.
Feds it is.
Even if I give you the client's name,
she will not talk to cops.
She has money for good lawyer, too.
Then don't tell her I'm a cop.
Tell her I work for you.
You said it yourself, I look the part.
And if I do this, you will back off?
LALA: No.
But we'll go easier on you.
Okay.
We'll be in touch.
So, you're going full gigolo now, huh?
You really took that
"predictable" thing to heart.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Yeah.
LALA: We're not rehashing
the terms of the deal, Zlata.
You're getting off easy.
You got three at this hour?
I'm a miracle worker.
Zlata, enough.
Agent Gibbs is meeting this Mona
woman in a couple hours.
- What is going on?
- Sorry, MJ, lots happening here.
You really need
this much surveillance equipment
for one hotel room?
Better safe than sorry. Lala.
Hey, Lala. Didn't one of these
bad boys scald your leg?
Okay, righty it is.
How frickin' exciting.
Gibbs as a hooker, Gail.
- He'd be expensive.
- [LAUGHS]
When you get in there, probie, remember,
no kissing above the neck.
- Hookers don't do that.
- Hmm.
- How would you know?
- [CLEARS THROAT]
And you're gonna need a duress code.
GIBBS: Pretty sure I can
handle a horny housewife.
MARY JO: Uh-uh.
There's a lot of graveyards
filled with overconfident men.
FRANKS: That is right, Mary Jo.
Lance Corporal Diaz
went in there thinking
he was just gonna get
a little hanky-panky.
- We all know how that wound up.
- [SIGHS]
I'll ask her if she's cold.
That's the duress code.
Ocean-blue
storm-gray
and jet-black.
Yeah, I was gonna say black anyway.
The Man in Black, Johnny Cash!
- Let's go.
- RANDY: Microphone incoming.
And here is Le Rivière Noir.
The super-expensive cologne
Junie gave me for my birthday.
Aka, sexual catnip.
- [COUGHS]
- GIBBS: Damn.
- That's strong.
- You need strong, probie.
Your natural man scent reeks of cop.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Uh, the blue.
Blue is nice.
But we got bigger problems.
This client you're seeing, Mona,
she is hot for teacher.
Zlata says she has a kink for
the sexy, know-it-all professor.
RANDY: Must be why
she set her up with Diaz.
His roommate said he was
the smartest person he ever met.
- [SNIFFING]
- Yeah, Gibbs is screwed.
What?
- I know stuff.
- Okay.
Hit me, Professor.
GIBBS: Okay.
A two-by-four isn't really
two inches by four inches.
After drying and planing,
it's actually a lot closer
to one and a quarter
Ease up, probie, you're
giving me a chubby over here.
[LAUGHTER]
RANDY: What if we give him an earwig?
We just got a prototype from HQ.
Real 007 stuff.
We could feed him lines.
You know, the three of us
combined have to be
as smart as Diaz, right?
I can't have you all in my ear.
LALA: He's right.
We need a singular voice.
You want me to Cyrano Jethro?
We don't want you to.
This-this whole idea
is damn embarrassing.
- But we're in a situation, Doc.
- I am a medical examiner,
not an agent or Gérard Depardieu.
At this point, it don't matter
if you're a garbageman.
You are a know-it-all,
and that's what we need.
A pursuit of knowledge
hardly makes me a know-it-all.
And that is a rather unflattering term.
Although, it didn't start that way.
It originated with the learned character
Mr. Know-All
in John Bunyan's 1682 book
The Holy War
Very well. How is this gonna work?
Okay, so, you'll be in a room
with us, safe and sound,
- talking in Gibbs's ear.
- In Gibbs's ear.
You just got to run your mouth
like you always do.
You feed him the lines, you are
the brains, he is the brawn.
DUCKY: Mother?
- MARY JO: Victoria.
- We ain't got time for this, Doc.
MARY JO: You look amazing.
Ducky's in the rec room. I'll show you.
Oh, no, I don't want to bother him.
Mother, I thought you were
getting a facial in the hotel.
- Is everything all right?
- Mm-hmm.
There she is.
You look lovely, Vic.
Oh. Aren't you sweet?
Mother, what is this?
Oh, I asked Dick to dinner.
- You got to be kidding me.
- KOWALSKI: Uh,
meant to come in and say
something to you, Doc,
but you looked pretty tied up in there.
I figured Swanson was into
some New Age women's lib crap.
There ain't nothing new about her.
- Hey. Easy.
- [LAUGHS] It's fine, it's fine.
Michael is, um,
intimidated by mature women.
FRANKS: I ain't intimidated.
I just miss when pimps were men
and hookers were women,
like God intended.
DUCKY: Perhaps the world is
simply evolving, Agent Franks.
But, Mother, I thought we agreed
you were going to have
a relaxing night alone.
Oh, damn.
["RETURN OF THE MACK"
BY MARK MORRISON PLAYING]
Return of the Mack ♪
- There it is ♪
- Return of the Mack ♪
- Come on ♪
- Return of the Mack ♪
- Oh, my God ♪
- You know that I'll ♪
[COUGHING]
You went a little hard there, kid.
Franks said I smell like a cop.
What? Too much?
VICTORIA: With a physique like that,
cologne is but an afterthought.
KOWALSKI: Don't worry, Doc,
I'll have her home at a reasonable hour.
- Okay?
- Oh, what a shame.
You switched to blue.
Yeah.
All right. The guys
should have the cameras ready,
so it's just about go time. Y'all ready?
- Yeah.
- No, not really.
Perfect. Let's go!
[RANDY SHOUTS]
- This way, please.
- Wait.
There.
DUCKY [OVER RADIO]:
Jethro, do you copy?
Loud and clear.
FRANKS: We see you, probie.
Looking good.
Yes, do let me know
if I can adjust my speech
for clarity, Jethro.
I, uh, did a spot of theater
at Cambridge,
so I have an American accent
in my repertoire.
[AMERICAN ACCENT]:
You look awesome, dude.
[RANDY LAUGHS]
Just be you, Ducky.
LALA: How you feeling, Gibbs?
Like I'm born for this.
- [KEYPAD BEEPS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
[SOFTLY]: Incoming.
Mona.
You must be Alex.
Alexander.
FRANKS: Well, she's unexpected.
What? She's paying for sex.
I didn't think she'd come in
looking like Jessica Rabbit.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Showtime, Ducky.
Here goes nothing.
Your gorgeous crimson locks
bring to mind Mary, Queen of Scots,
whose beauty inspired
the devotion of countless men.
Your gorgeous crimson locks
bring to mind
Mary, Queen of Scots.
Her beauty inspired the devotion
of countless men.
[CORK POPS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Where were you educated?
- Brown, Sorbonne, Cambridge.
- [DRINK POURS]
What did you study?
Anatomy.
And the psychology of human sexuality.
Oh.
Lucky me.
GIBBS: How about we
make ourselves comfortable?
Are you aware the MC1R gene variant
responsible for red hair
also makes the carrier
more sensitive to dental pain?
LALA: Little sexier, Ducky.
DNA in and of itself is sexy.
All right, I'll try.
Bigger words.
Excuse me?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Bigger words.
- [MOANS SOFTLY]
DUCKY: I have advanced proficiency
in reciprocal osculatory biomechanics.
RANDY: And that means?
- He's a good kisser.
- Nice.
- [STATIC CRACKLES]
- Something wrong?
FRANKS: Why's he just sitting there?
It looks like we just
lost signal on Gibbs's earwig.
Well, get it working, Rando.
He ain't gonna last long on his own.
Yeah, I'm trying, boss,
but it's a prototype.
I'm guessing they're
still working out the kinks.
No.
I just
I could give you
five-syllable words all night.
But I would rather see if
redheads are more sensitive
in other places, too.
[GASPS SOFTLY]
Look at that.
Maybe Gibbs doesn't need Doc
in his ear after all.
DUCKY: I built the fire.
Jethro merely put the kettle on.
But first, I want
to get to know what you like.
Tell me how
your last lover failed.
I want to be better for you.
Oh, I don't want
to talk about my lovers.
I want you to make me forget about them.
I want to know how I compare.
MONA [LAUGHS]:
Oh, that's what turns you on?
What is with me and these jealous men?
What does she mean by "jealous men"?
Maybe Diaz caught feelings for her.
He wanted her all to himself.
I told Gibbs hookers
don't do nothing above the neck.
He's gonna blow his cover.
[MOANS]
RANDY: Cover seems intact.
Oh.
[MOANS]
Mona!
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
Wait, you know this guy?
- I'm gonna kill you.
- Who the hell's that guy?
RANDY: Yep.
- You stay here.
- Gladly.
- MONA: Chet.
- "Out with the girls," huh?
Take it easy. Take it easy, okay?
- [MONA GROANS]
- Uh
You cold by any chance?
[CHET YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
- [BONES CRACK]
- [GRUNTS]
[GROANS] It is cold!
It is very freakin' cold!
NCIS!
LALA: Hands on your head.
Hands behind your back.
She's my wife!
Yeah. I am getting that.
I think we should call our lawyer.
Great, while you got him
on the horn, can you tell him
you're being charged for
Lance Corporal Diaz's murder?
- Who?
- Marco is dead?
RANDY: Yeah. And as far as we know,
you were the last person
to see him alive.
Or was it you?
CHET: I don't even know
who we're talking about.
FRANKS: Talking about the guy
she was banging, Chet.
There was another one?
I swear I had no idea
anything happened to Marco.
Zlata said he was taking a break,
that she had this new guy
Alexander she wanted me to meet.
Oh, that bitch set me up, didn't she?
How'd you know she'd be here?
I followed her.
- You done that before?
- MONA: Oh, my God,
Marco said he was being followed.
He thought it was one of his
client's boyfriends or husbands.
Was it you?
- Did you kill him?
- No, Mona, I didn't.
And I'm only gonna
ask you this one time.
How many guys have you been banging?
Where were you two nights ago?
I drove to Beverly Hills
to get her an anniversary gift.
The Chanel clutch.
- [WHISTLES]
- Oh, pull it together, Chet.
Diaz say anything about the guys
who were tailing him?
Type of car?
No, but I told him
it was probably his girlfriend.
He didn't have a girlfriend.
Yeah, he did, and she's a freak.
He had all these S&M whip marks
and burns she gave him.
I mean, he was into it, too.
He even got me to burn him
with candle wax once.
- Oh, Lord.
- DUCKY: Excuse me,
but I've been eavesdropping
from the other room.
You banging this guy, too?
DUCKY: Diaz had the
most curious branding mark
that I couldn't identify.
Did he mention what specifically
his girlfriend used to burn him?
MONA: Yeah, lots of things.
Uh, fire poker.
- No, it's not from that.
- Curling iron.
- Nope.
- Cigarette lighter from her car,
a frickin' glue gun
Car lighter. That's it.
The size matches, and the
faint lines are from the coils.
[GROANS] I didn't suspect it
because of the square shape.
I ain't never seen a square one before.
Precisely.
KOWALSKI:
Turns out, there's only 11 cars
registered in the county that
have a square dashboard lighter,
and one of them is Staff
Sergeant Combs's woodie wagon.
She and Diaz had been carrying
on a secret affair for months.
But why did she do it?
Did that little freak find out
that he was hooking?
She did, Victoria.
And she just admitted to everything.
Said she lost it,
and expressed her displeasure
with a tire iron.
DUCKY: A tire iron that Mother found.
How was your date?
Donald, don't.
I know how you feel,
but I deserve some fun.
You're right.
- I'm right?
- Yes.
I'm sorry, Mother.
I'm afraid since Father left,
I've been acting like
[SCOFFS] well, your father.
Ironically, it was Agent Franks's tirade
about the conventional roles
of men and women that helped me
to see the error of my ways.
I realized if Father had been
enjoying life as much as you,
I wouldn't have the same issues.
[TONGUE CLICKS]
Mighty wise of you, Ducky.
Dick, I know you to be a good man.
I'll leave you two to enjoy
your last day together.
Uh, does that mean
you won't say anything
when I go to Aruba
with Arthur next week?
I will say, "Bon voyage."
Thank you, Donald.
So
who's this Arthur fella?
OLDER GIBBS: We all have
roles we're expected to play.
Some of us are good with that.
Others, not so much.
FRANKS: Had another meeting with Cliff,
huh?
Yep.
Listen, about the other day
I was off-put by you asking me out.
You might find this surprising,
but I'm a bit of a traditionalist.
You don't say.
I'm free Saturday if you are.
Got this fancy little spot I like
called Lone Star Steakhouse.
I love Lone Star.
I'll even let you get the check.
- Yeah, you will.
- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Great.
- [CHUCKLES]
Pick you up at 8:00.
Wait, pick me up?
OLDER GIBBS:
Franks liked his role,
but he liked Swanson even more.
Lala watched me play a guy
who knew exactly
what a woman wanted.
You did good last night.
What, are you surprised?
Not that you did good.
Maybe
how you did it.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
You're not always so predictable.
You said you needed time.
I'm not gonna take that from you.
OLDER GIBBS:
And now, she was seeing
maybe that wasn't
just a role after all.
Another one in the books, eh, Jethro?
Won't forget that one anytime soon.
We make a good team.
- Yeah. We really do.
- [CHUCKLES]
When are you and your mom heading out?
First thing tomorrow.
But I'm actually
rather excited about it.
We're going to make a meal
of the trip home.
- We're taking a train.
- Really?
- The finest form of travel.
- [CHUCKLES]
In fact, did I ever tell you
I once had the privilege
of riding in the fastest
steam locomotive of all time?
Most wonderfully named
the Mallard.
I could go on and on about that beauty,
but only a know-it-all would do that.
You know, if you have time,
I would love to go to lunch
and hear all about it.
I do have time,
and would love some lunch.
- Mm.
- [LAUGHS] Come this way.
OLDER GIBBS: For me,
Ducky would go on to play the role
of the best friend
a guy could ask for.
[ELEVATOR CHIMES]
Oh, Jethro, do be careful.
That is a limited edition
Blue LINER Class A4
Mallard train.
I won a seat in a poker game,
sipped Negronis all the way
to Edinburgh Waverley station.
Not bad.
[REGULAR ACCENT]:
Ah, I've been working on it.
I do miss the Duck-man.
Yeah.
I do, too.
[SIGHS]
About your prints.
Belong to a tracker
who used to work for the CIA.
I doubt he's the shooter.
I think the shooter hired him
to find you in the middle of nowhere.
OLDER GIBBS: Sounds like this
tracker and I should have a chat.
Yeah, about that second target.
Our system was hacked
a few weeks ago, and they accessed
all the personnel files from the '90s.
I seem to recall that you had
a rule about coincidences?
I'm worried about you, Gibbs.
You've been out of the game for a while.
And what else was it?
Oh, yeah, you've been shot.
I'm okay.
You can't do this alone.
Bravest people I've ever known
are in this building.
And they're lucky
to have you leading them, Tony.
I'm proud of you.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Take care, boss.