The Guild (2007) s03e03 Episode Script
Player Down
So, strange turn of events.
You're looking at the new Guild Leader.
Okay, okay! This is going to be good for me.
I need something to focus on, get my mind off myself.
You know, like my inability to connect with men, constant unemployment, my nose being weirdly lumpy.
Okay, I'm sad now, see? First item on my Guild agenda: Smoothing things over with Tink.
Walking off like that was dramatic, but she'll be back.
We've been playing together over a year.
That means something.
What does that mean, actually? What's on the agenda? I'm juggling gaming and sexual obligations now.
I've got to set a firm schedule.
GTD'D.
You guys, Tink quit! All her characters are gone! All of them? Even Tink 2.
0, "The Early Levels"? Bladezz, don't make fun of that! You should have apologized to her! Okay the only thing that would make me do that is a cashier's check for the price of the Caribbean Cruise I bought her! And then when I have the check in my hand, I still won't do it! Psych! Sorry! I had a hard time rounding up the kids.
I found one of them sleeping on a shelf in the graphics card section.
He's so mine! Loading! Three disks, wow! So much new content! Clara, Tink quit the Guild! What? No! Did she send you a dagger with a note telling you how dumb you are? Why would she? Yeah, she did! "Eff off, idiots.
XOXO, Tink.
" How did you know? Well, one night we dished about our exit strategies.
See, mine is to wait until everybody gets online and then scream into the mic, "Take that, you Dungeoneering Bozos! Clara is ixnay on your uildGay nanymoreay!" And then g-quit.
Pig Latin? Really? It's the only foreign language I know.
What are we gonna do, guys? Tink was part of the group.
We're a Guild.
You can't just quit! Why don't you try calling her or something? Me? Why? 'Cause you're the Guild Leader now.
Earn-your-title, yo.
Uh, I don't have her contact info - Oh, I can help with that! - No! No! - I'm doing it already.
- No! I mean It just happened, so She'll be back.
We just need to give her some space, right? - Hello? - Codex.
I left a box of Guild Leader paraphernalia on your doorstep.
- You didn't knock? - Face to face? Twice in one day? It seemed unnecessary.
Vork! Tink really quit the Guild.
What should I do? I can't advise you, Codex.
The minute I abandoned the mantle of Guild Leader, I felt a lightening in my soul.
Having five people depend on your calm guidance It's overwhelming, giving so much of yourself.
Yeah, I can see how that probably weighed on you.
I'll be sporadically online for the next several days.
My Wi-Fi is still not repaired in my office due to Bladezz's shenanigans, so I'm using this opportunity to explore humanity.
I've abandoned everything familiar: My thought patterns, my methodologies, my sleepy time place.
I'm going on the road.
What? Lead me, oh wireless gods! Okay, taking charge.
I think we should all load up the expansion and then, you know, group up and go to the new lands together and stuff.
Oh, thanks Officer Obvious.
You want to come over and help me aim while I pee-pee too? Oooh, Tink would have such a good comeback to that! You come up with one, Codex! Uh something about "your momma?" - Lame! - Pretty lame.
Hey, tiger.
Do you like playing dress up? I have this French maid's outfit that's a real turn-on.
Heck, yeah, put it on! It's for you.
You put it on.
Uh, well, we're gonna put a few hours of the expansion in You'd rather play with the game than with me? Everyone, Vork's not going to be online for a while.
Are we going to be okay on DPS, Zaboo? - Zaboo? - No! We're gonna get our asses handed to us with two players missing! Simon! Language! WTF, Dena! Why are you hiding over there like goddamned Gollum? Mom told me I was making too much noise in the house.
She's being such a beeyach lately! Dad dumped her.
It had an effect.
Does everyone have the expansion loaded up? How do I check who's ready to go on here? Something's wrong! It's not finishing with the installation! Clara, I need to talk to you.
I was uploading the pictures from the wedding onto your computer Oh, my God, how many did you put on here? I don't have enough space! This could ruin my install! Let's meet in Taryn Keep.
That's a good plan, right? Bladezz? Just a sec! No! No! This is the Bladezz pad! Not cool! Mom! Why is no one accepting my invite? Zaboo, are you there? Do you want the game or me? Game or me? That's nice.
Ah! I don't like that! But I like that.
Augh! What did you do last weekend when we were gone? Anything you want to tell me about? Not that I want to tell you about.
Where is everyone? Bladezz? Zaboo? Clara? Anyone? I gave you a chance to tell me yourself.
Just remember that.
Oh, how cute.
You're looking at the new Guild Leader.
Okay, okay! This is going to be good for me.
I need something to focus on, get my mind off myself.
You know, like my inability to connect with men, constant unemployment, my nose being weirdly lumpy.
Okay, I'm sad now, see? First item on my Guild agenda: Smoothing things over with Tink.
Walking off like that was dramatic, but she'll be back.
We've been playing together over a year.
That means something.
What does that mean, actually? What's on the agenda? I'm juggling gaming and sexual obligations now.
I've got to set a firm schedule.
GTD'D.
You guys, Tink quit! All her characters are gone! All of them? Even Tink 2.
0, "The Early Levels"? Bladezz, don't make fun of that! You should have apologized to her! Okay the only thing that would make me do that is a cashier's check for the price of the Caribbean Cruise I bought her! And then when I have the check in my hand, I still won't do it! Psych! Sorry! I had a hard time rounding up the kids.
I found one of them sleeping on a shelf in the graphics card section.
He's so mine! Loading! Three disks, wow! So much new content! Clara, Tink quit the Guild! What? No! Did she send you a dagger with a note telling you how dumb you are? Why would she? Yeah, she did! "Eff off, idiots.
XOXO, Tink.
" How did you know? Well, one night we dished about our exit strategies.
See, mine is to wait until everybody gets online and then scream into the mic, "Take that, you Dungeoneering Bozos! Clara is ixnay on your uildGay nanymoreay!" And then g-quit.
Pig Latin? Really? It's the only foreign language I know.
What are we gonna do, guys? Tink was part of the group.
We're a Guild.
You can't just quit! Why don't you try calling her or something? Me? Why? 'Cause you're the Guild Leader now.
Earn-your-title, yo.
Uh, I don't have her contact info - Oh, I can help with that! - No! No! - I'm doing it already.
- No! I mean It just happened, so She'll be back.
We just need to give her some space, right? - Hello? - Codex.
I left a box of Guild Leader paraphernalia on your doorstep.
- You didn't knock? - Face to face? Twice in one day? It seemed unnecessary.
Vork! Tink really quit the Guild.
What should I do? I can't advise you, Codex.
The minute I abandoned the mantle of Guild Leader, I felt a lightening in my soul.
Having five people depend on your calm guidance It's overwhelming, giving so much of yourself.
Yeah, I can see how that probably weighed on you.
I'll be sporadically online for the next several days.
My Wi-Fi is still not repaired in my office due to Bladezz's shenanigans, so I'm using this opportunity to explore humanity.
I've abandoned everything familiar: My thought patterns, my methodologies, my sleepy time place.
I'm going on the road.
What? Lead me, oh wireless gods! Okay, taking charge.
I think we should all load up the expansion and then, you know, group up and go to the new lands together and stuff.
Oh, thanks Officer Obvious.
You want to come over and help me aim while I pee-pee too? Oooh, Tink would have such a good comeback to that! You come up with one, Codex! Uh something about "your momma?" - Lame! - Pretty lame.
Hey, tiger.
Do you like playing dress up? I have this French maid's outfit that's a real turn-on.
Heck, yeah, put it on! It's for you.
You put it on.
Uh, well, we're gonna put a few hours of the expansion in You'd rather play with the game than with me? Everyone, Vork's not going to be online for a while.
Are we going to be okay on DPS, Zaboo? - Zaboo? - No! We're gonna get our asses handed to us with two players missing! Simon! Language! WTF, Dena! Why are you hiding over there like goddamned Gollum? Mom told me I was making too much noise in the house.
She's being such a beeyach lately! Dad dumped her.
It had an effect.
Does everyone have the expansion loaded up? How do I check who's ready to go on here? Something's wrong! It's not finishing with the installation! Clara, I need to talk to you.
I was uploading the pictures from the wedding onto your computer Oh, my God, how many did you put on here? I don't have enough space! This could ruin my install! Let's meet in Taryn Keep.
That's a good plan, right? Bladezz? Just a sec! No! No! This is the Bladezz pad! Not cool! Mom! Why is no one accepting my invite? Zaboo, are you there? Do you want the game or me? Game or me? That's nice.
Ah! I don't like that! But I like that.
Augh! What did you do last weekend when we were gone? Anything you want to tell me about? Not that I want to tell you about.
Where is everyone? Bladezz? Zaboo? Clara? Anyone? I gave you a chance to tell me yourself.
Just remember that.
Oh, how cute.