Father Dowling Mysteries (1989) s03e05 Episode Script

[LOCK CLICKS]
MAN: And that's
what I knew, of course.
It takes six hours to drive
from Matawan to Chicago.
And Larry Wilkes claimed he
saw Monica Stokes for lunch at 1.
At a Thai restaurant, where he says
they ate pork satay and peanut sauce.
But Monica Stokes
is allergic to peanuts.
Exactly. So she
couldn't be the murderer.
Oh, Father, you make
is seem so simple.
It is simple, Sister.
As Sherlock Holmes once said,
when you eliminate
the improbable,
whatever remains, however
impossible, becomes the truth.
No! No! No! For
God's sake, Mark!
Do you think you might
possibly give me the correct line?
If it's not too great a
strain on your intellect.
The line is "eliminate the impossible,"
not "eliminate the improbable."
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- Look out!
- Aah!
[PANTING]
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- How about you, Mr. Prince?
PRINCE: Yeah, I'm okay.
Where's the writer? Cahill!
Not now, Sandra.
I have to know, Brian. What
are we dealing with here?
Is this a deliberate plot to drive me
crazy, or just plain incompetence?
- Cameron, I know you're upset
- Upset?
Shooting this pilot on location has been
nothing but one disaster after another.
Can't you change this dialogue
so our actor can understand it?
It has to go that way,
it's part of the plot.
All right. Never mind.
Armstrong, I want that idiot driver
of yours off my set now. This minute.
It wasn't Lou's fault, Mr. Prince.
The brake pedal froze.
I don't care!
Send him back to the
stock-car derby. He's finished.
And so are you, Tannen, if you
can't master this brilliant dialogue.
- I'm sorry, Cameron.
- Sorry?
"Sorry" doesn't
put film in the can.
Darling, Mark's been
working very hard on this.
At least he's working, darling.
You could have phoned
your performance in.
Cam, was this necessary?
Sandra's my wife, Brian.
I know how to handle her.
Armstrong, you've got ten minutes
to re-rig that car. This time you drive.
Yes, sir.
PRINCE: Let's get with the
program, people! We're losing the light!
I'm glad I'm not an actor.
What a way to make a living.
[CHATTERING]
Phil, I don't know how you talked
me into letting these people film
this TV pilot here
at St. Michael's.
It's $10,000 for
a new parish bus.
Yeah. Don't forget the old one
broke down five times last month.
Not to mention the morning
it got stuck in reverse
and backed into
Mrs. Gurdy's mailbox.
Heh, heh. And besides,
to have a television series
named Father
Flaraghty Investigates?
That's wonderful
promotion for the church.
Mark makes an excellent
priest. Don't you think?
Oh, he's dashing.
You know, I took an
acting class in the seminary.
It was marvelous.
So fascinating.
- The smell of grease paint.
- The roar of the crowd.
PHILIP: Exactly.
You know I played
Rosencrantz in Hamlet?
No.
Fascinating character. I
wish I had more lines. Heh.
There's Sandra Soames. I wonder if
she'd autograph a copy of my script.
Speaking of Sister Eugenia, isn't she
wearing too much makeup for a nun?
Well, I guess that's what
you call dramatic license.
- That's dramatic all right, huh.
- I don't know, Marie.
How do you think I'd look with
a little lipstick and hairspray?
About as funny as Father
Dowling with a California tan.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, I think I have
things to do inside.
Father Dowling?
Sister Stephanie?
Uh, it would never occur to Cameron
to thank you for saving his life, Sister.
So allow me. You
have quick reflexes.
It comes from playing stickball
in a rough neighborhood.
Mr. Cahill, now
that you're here,
I was looking at the
script a little while ago.
And you have a few
suggestions. Of course, Father.
Did we get a feast day wrong?
Well, actually, I don't quite
follow Father Flaraghty's logic
in the last scene.
Wouldn't he suspect that Eleanor
was the killer once he noticed
that the flower box was missing
from the window in act one?
Sorry?
Yeah, and what about the
police forensics team in act three?
Oh, yes.
A real detective wouldn't let a hunch
get in the way of following evidence.
Oh, we already have
a police expert, Father.
You, uh, trying to do
my job again, Frank?
- Bob.
- Heh, heh, heh. How are you?
Lt. Foster is our technical advisor,
Father. You know each other?
Oh, yeah, Father Dowling
and I go back a long way.
In fact, he and I at one time
shared a high-school gym locker.
Even then he had a very nasty habit
of stuffing his socks in my sneakers.
You, uh, already told him
about the forensic team.
Oh, yeah. That was the
second thing I noticed.
Right after the mix-up
over St. Swiffen's Day.
St. Swiffen's?
Ha, ha. I gotcha. You play in
your yard, Frank, I'll play in mine.
Tannen, what is the problem?
I thought you were an actor,
but you're an incompetent idiot.
Do your homework!
Learn the lines!
[CREW MEMBER GROANS]
Looks like I've got another
of Cameron's fires to put out.
Excuse me, Father, Sister.
Well, Frank, that's
entertainment.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Excuse me, Father.
I hope I'm not bothering you. I
was wondering if I could use a phone.
Why not, Mr. Armstrong? Come in.
You sure I'm not bothering you?
Nothing bothers me.
Phone's right over there.
Herby? It's Lex.
Uh, not so good.
We blew a car gag.
Prince came real close
to getting himself killed.
Well, that's what
I'm trying to find out.
Did you see anybody
mess with that car last night?
Well, somebody did
something to it, Herb.
No, the brakes locked up as
soon as Lou touched the pedal.
Yeah, all right.
No, I'll call you back
after we wrap. Yeah.
Thanks, Father.
Not at all.
I couldn't help
listening, Mr. Armstrong.
Are you saying that the car
was deliberately tampered with?
I'm not saying anything, Father.
Well, I heard you say
All I know is the adjustment bolts
on the master cylinder were loosened.
And that would have caused
the car to go out of control?
Looks like it.
If the stunt had gone off as
planned, what would have happened?
A near-miss by the two actors.
Who could have
done such a thing?
Well, the car was, uh, in the garage
overnight with the rest of the vehicles.
I mean, anybody
could have gotten to it.
All they'd need would have been
an Allen wrench and a bad attitude.
Hm.
Look, Father, I have
to get back to the set.
- Of course.
- Thanks.
Sorry. Am I interrupting?
No. No, no. I was
just talking to the boss.
Oh?
Oh, heh. Right. Right.
Truth is, I'm not a
Catholic myself, Father.
I was kind of hoping you
could give me a few pointers.
Such as?
Well, when you're crossing
yourself, for instance.
- Is that too much?
- That's fine. Very authentic.
Great. Great.
I was watching you
perform, Mr. Tannen.
Oh, please, call me Mark.
Not that I'm, uh, much
of a judge on acting.
Mark, I think you're
doing a very fine job.
Well, thanks, Father. Really.
I'm glad someone
appreciates what I'm doing.
Mr. Prince comes down on
you pretty hard, doesn't he?
Well, you know,
he's a perfectionist.
Well, that's no excuse
for rude behavior.
I'm surprised to hear
you defending him.
Father, I wasn't the
network's choice for this part.
Cameron made casting me part of
his deal as co-creator of the show.
If it's a hit, I'm going to
owe my career to him.
And Cameron's under
a lot of pressure too.
Yes, but even so
Shooting a pilot's
stressful enough, Father,
but for Cameron to do it
while his marriage falls apart
His marriage?
There's a rumor
going around the set
that Sandra's in an affair with
someone in the production.
Sandra Soames? Sister Eugenia?
Yeah. Life doesn't
always imitate art, Father.
Tannen!
What the hell do you think you're
doing? My AD's been looking for you.
Mr. Prince, watch
your language please.
You don't understand,
Father. He's holding up a shot.
If you can't handle the work, there's
a hundred other actors who can.
Now, let's get on the stick.
Thanks, Father.
[SIGHS]
Hey, Frank. Look at what
the prop guy gave me.
Oh, Sister Stephanie,
you'll shatter my illusions.
Illusion is what film
is all about, Father.
- I was wondering.
- Well, now you know.
- What can I do for you, Mr. Prince?
- That tree on the lawn outside.
Yes, our stately oak.
- It's a sycamore, Frank.
- Oh, sycamore.
- Beautiful, isn't it?
- We're going to have to lose it.
Lose a tree! What
are you talking about?
It's messing up my establishing
shot of the church. It's got to go.
That tree is over 50
years old, you know.
Sister, trees live and
die. Film is forever.
[PHONE RINGING]
It's probably for me.
Prince here.
Look, I don't
want to discuss it.
All right, Dooley's. Yes, I'll be
there, but it's a waste of time.
- About that tree, Mr
- Later, Father, I've got things to do.
Oh. A bar called
Dooley's, where is it?
Oh, my Uncle Jack
used to hang out there.
You go out the
door, you turn right.
It's about 5 blocks, on
the corner of Ashland.
I'll walk.
It's a rough neighborhood.
Sister, I haven't needed a
crossing guard since first grade.
[DOOR CLOSES]
You know, Steve, I have
been a priest for 32 years,
and I've managed to find at least
one thing to like in every person I meet.
So, what do you like
about Cameron Prince?
I'm thinking.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
MAN: Psst.
Psst.
What is this, a joke?
[GRUNTS]
One of their stunt guys told me
that if you want to skid the car,
you just pull the emergency
brake up when you turn left.
I knew that. You drive
that way all the time.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
MARIE: I'll get it!
- Where is he, Marie?
- In there.
Robert. If you're looking
for Mr. Prince, he's not here.
Prince is dead.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Well, Frank, it looks
pretty cut and dry to me.
His wallet's gone. His watch is
gone. Even his wedding band.
So you think he was mugged?
I hate to say it happens all the
time, Sister, but it happens all the time.
- Not this time.
- Oh, here it comes.
No bruises, no scrapes,
no clothes ripped.
Now, Bob, you knew
Cameron Prince.
You think anyone could mug
him without him struggling?
The man was on his
way back to his hotel,
took a shortcut through the
alley, and somebody jumped him.
He wasn't walking
back to his hotel.
No, he was going to
meet someone at Dooley's.
Look. That light, it's broken. That
means this alley was very dark.
Cameron Prince would not walk
in here unless someone called him.
Someone he knew.
You'd better
take a look at this.
I found it in his hand.
What's this?
Father Dowling? Lt.
Foster? What's going on?
Mind if we come in?
Mark, Cameron Prince
was killed last night.
What?
Mr. Tannen, is
this your costume?
Uh, yeah, but
what's it doing here?
Father, what's going on?
I'm placing you under arrest for
the murder of Cameron Prince.
You're making a mistake, Lieutenant.
I didn't do that. I swear to you.
Read him his rights.
Father, I didn't kill him.
You gotta believe me.
COP: You have the
right to remain silent.
If you give up this
right, anything you say
It all fits in so
neatly, doesn't it?
Yeah, it sure does. Well, it
looks like I owe you one, Frank.
I'm not so sure about that, Bob.
[CHATTERING]
MAN: How did this happen?
WOMAN: Are we working, or what?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Sister Stephanie,
Marie, this is a disaster.
That's for sure.
Frank's been in there all
morning talking to Lt. Foster.
A man dead, another up on murder
charges. An entire day of filming lost.
Some of the crew think that
the whole shoot may be canceled.
I can't eat this.
No appetite, Father?
No cream cheese.
FRANK: There's no point arguing
with you anymore, your mind is made up.
[MARIE CLEARS THROAT]
I've got six witnesses
that'll testify they heard Prince
threaten to replace Tannen.
I know, I heard
him say so myself.
Okay, there's your motive.
The lapel pin we found places Tannen
at the scene. There's your opportunity.
I just can't believe
he'd do this.
Ooh. Aren't you the
guy who once said to me
a real detective would never let a
hunch get in the way of following evidence?
I think you're making
a mistake, Bob.
Tell you what, Francis. Why
don't we let a jury decide it?
Ladies.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
If Tannen is innocent, we're
gonna have to find the real killer
before they finish this movie
and everyone leaves town,
and we don't have much time.
Unless Lt. Foster
is right, Frank.
I mean, Prince did
have that pin in his hand,
and we found the torn
jacket in Tannen's hotel room.
I know. That's what
puzzles me, Steve.
Excuse me.
Is, uh, this where they
keep the wardrobe?
That's right.
You two should have turned yours
in when we wrapped Monday night.
Heh. No, you don't understand.
I'm Father Dowling and
this is Sister Stephanie.
Father Dowling, Sister Stephanie
I don't have these characters listed.
Did we get another rewrite?
Nobody ever gives me the new pages.
No, no. We're the real thing.
This is our church.
Oh, that explains it.
Those are your costumes?
Yes.
Uh, are all the actors supposed to return
their costumes at the end of the day?
- Absolutely.
- Even the lead actors?
Principals and
extras, in particular.
Excuse me, I have to go get a
wimple ready for Sister Eugenia.
That means that Tannen
must have turned in his costume
before he left Monday night,
which would explain why
he seemed so shocked
when Foster
found it in his room.
The murderer must have pulled
Mark's lapel pin off of his coat,
planted it in Cameron's
hand when he killed him,
and then put Mark's costume back in
his hotel room while Mark was asleep.
Yeah, but how did the
murderer get the costume?
That's a good question.
Sorry, just one more thing?
Father, please,
I'm really very busy.
Yes, um, is this trailer always
locked when you're not here?
Sure, I'm responsible
for everything inside there.
She didn't lock it.
BRIAN [OVER BULLHORN]:
Attention, please, everybody.
Can I see everybody
at the trailer, please?
Can I have your attention, please?
Come on, gather around me here.
[CROWD MURMURING]
I spent yesterday on the
phone with the network.
Last night, they finally
agreed to continue shooting.
[CROWD CHATTERING
AND APPLAUDING]
Now, I'll be taking
over as director.
And Glenn Evert here just
flew in from L.A. this morning
to be our new Father Flaraghty.
And we're lucky to have him.
Now, I know this isn't going
to be easy for any of us.
But we're professionals,
and we owe it to Cameron
and to ourselves to make this
the best show we possibly can.
Let's get to work. We'll start
with scene 72. Thanks a lot.
[CHATTERING]
It's not right. They can't
just replace Cameron.
Not like this.
FRANK: Take it
easy, Miss Soames.
Excuse me.
I'm gonna go see if
there's anything I can do.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
Yeah, hold the condolences,
Lou. This is business.
Oh, heh. Yeah, it was
a terrible thing. I know.
Lou, listen to me for a minute.
They're going ahead with the project,
and they're replacing Mark Tannen,
which means they're gonna
need me for reshoots, right?
Well, that's my point. Heh.
I'm saying, why don't
we renegotiate my deal?
[MOUTHING]
We're not holding them up. We're
just taking advantage of a new situation.
Lou.
Lou. I want you to go to the
network and lay it on the line, all right?
[SIGHS]
How can they say no?
Okay, all right. Well, let
me know what they say.
And, Lou, thanks
for the condolences.
Okay. Bye.
What can I do for you, Sister?
Well, I saw that you
were kind of upset outside,
and I was just hoping there
was something I could do for you.
But, uh, you seem
to be doing fine.
[SCOFFS]
Don't be fooled by the bravado.
I'm having a very
difficult time right now.
But I have no choice. I have to get
on with my life and my career, so
Yeah, I guess so.
You have to understand,
in this industry,
you take what you can
get, when you can get it.
I guess I just don't understand
show business, you know.
No, I don't suppose you do. Heh.
Well, like Prince said, people
come and go, but film is forever.
I guess he'd approve.
You didn't like Cameron Prince
very much, did you, Mr. Armstrong?
The only people that liked Prince
were the ones paid to like him.
Me, all I get paid
to do is rig stunts.
FRANK: Like the accident with
the car the other morning, huh?
Odd about that.
How so?
Well, if Sister Stephanie hadn't
pulled Cameron Prince out of the way,
whoever killed him on Monday night
might have been saved the trouble.
The brake pedal froze, Father.
Besides, the police say that
Mark Tannen killed Prince.
Yeah, that's what someone
wants us to think anyway.
You're getting at
something, Father. What is it?
I don't know yet.
You see, I'm somewhat
like Father Flaraghty,
an armchair detective.
Do you always wear
gloves, Mr. Armstrong?
A few years ago, a fire
gig on a show went sour.
They got barbecued.
Occupational hazard.
Whose idea was the fire?
The director's, Cameron Prince.
Anything else I can
help you with, Father?
- No, not for the moment.
- Then, uh, if you'll excuse me.
Heck of a way to make
a living, huh, Father?
[SIGHS]
That whole background
area has to be clear.
MAN: Phone call for
you, Miss Soames.
Hello?
Are you crazy,
calling me on the set?
If anybody finds out about us
[SIGHS]
I know, darling. I do too.
But I can't see you right now.
Tonight, in your room.
Of course, sweetheart.
I love you too.
MARK: Father Dowling?
- What?
I'm sorry, Father. I
didn't mean to startle you.
Mark? What are you doing here?
I just got out on bail.
I came in the back way. I didn't want
to run into anyone in the film company.
I can understand that.
It's very important to me that
you believe that I didn't kill Prince.
I do believe you, Mark.
I'm glad someone does.
- What about your attorney?
- Heh.
He's not too optimistic.
I can't explain how that torn
costume got into my hotel suite.
Well, did he talk to
the staff at the hotel?
I've been all over
the hotel myself.
Nobody saw anyone
near my room that night.
I did find a door jimmied open,
but that doesn't prove anything.
What can I do for you?
Would you keep your
eyes open on the set?
Maybe you'll see or hear
something that might help me.
I think I can manage that.
Thanks, Father.
- Father?
- Hm?
Even though I'm not Catholic, I
would appreciate your blessing.
In the name of the Father, the
Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Thanks, Father.
Good luck.
I'll just slip out the back.
Frank. Wonderful news.
What's that, Phil?
I'm in the movies. Brian Cahill
has asked me to be a stand-in.
- Oh. I'm so happy for you.
- Ha, ha.
Just exactly what
does a stand-in do?
While the director and the
cameraman are setting up the next shot,
the actors are in their dressing
rooms rehearsing their lines.
So the stand-in,
well, he stands in.
You You just stand there?
It's more difficult
than you think, Frank.
Also, I've been looking over the
script. I have a few ideas. Heh.
Oh, I'm sure you do, Phil.
Great. Thanks, guys.
- Father? PHILIP: Yes?
- We need you over
here. PHILIP: Oh. Okay.
Now, what is my
motivation for this scene?
You're paralyzed with terror.
You can't move a muscle.
How's this?
Perfect.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
See what I mean, Frank?
Mr. Cahill?
Taking over under such trying
circumstances must be rather difficult.
I wouldn't have agreed to do it if
this project weren't so personal.
Oh. I thought that Cameron
Prince created this show.
His main contribution to
Father Flaraghty Investigates
was forcing us to cast
Mark Tannen in the lead.
You know how that turned out.
Cameron's reputation
exceeded his ability.
Well, I heard he
won a lot of awards.
Six years ago, he won an Emmy for
a movie of the week that I produced.
FRANK: Oh.
I wrote the script,
I cast the show,
I made the final cut, and I
supervised the postproduction.
But Cameron won the
award. It made his reputation.
So, really, all this worked
out very well for you.
With Prince dead, now
you get all the credit.
Don't take this armchair-sleuth
thing too far, Father.
The police have their suspect.
Humor me.
Where were you
when Prince was killed?
Asleep in my hotel.
Alone.
All right, let's
have a rehearsal.
All right, Jeff, this is the scene
where you finally make the connection
between Uncle Mark and his
illness, and the disappearance
Remember, you're a
priest. Now, Sandra
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh. Father.
They've been poking around here
all morning. I can't get any work done.
They're going to duplicate our rectory
on a sound stage downtown, Marie.
They got to get
the details right.
Why do they need two rectories?
Well, they're going to film their
inside scenes on their rectory
to match their outside
scenes from our rectory. Hm?
I don't get it.
Well, that's the way they do
things in the movie business.
Let's just count our blessings.
- Father Dowling?
- Hm?
Sister Stephanie wants you
to meet her in the church hall.
Oh. Excuse me, Marie.
[CLEARS THROAT]
WOMAN: Ready when you
are. MAN 1: A camera's ready.
MAN 2: We're all set.
MAN 3: Pull it back.
- Good. Perfect, Owen. Thanks.
- Yeah.
WOMAN: Is everybody
out of the background?
MAN 4: Watch the boom.
- Good. Thank you, Billy.
All right, let's go over it
one last time for everybody.
Okay, everybody, listen up. I'm
going to go through this one more time.
Now, Sandra's stunt double runs
into the hall. We give it a three count.
I hit the button and
boom. You got that?
MAN 5: Roll two camera.
MAN 6: Roll two camera. MAN
7: All radios off. We're locking up.
BRIAN: Action!
One thousand two,
one thousand three
BRIAN: Good. Very nice,
very nice. That's great.
MAN [ON MONITOR]:
Father, Sister, are you all right?
Uh, Billy, can we see
B camera, please?
BRIAN [ON MONITOR]:
Cut, cut, cut! What's going on?
MAN: Father, Sister,
are you all right?
BRIAN: Good. That
looks great. Heh.
You know, Father, with the right
editing, we might be able to use that.
- What do you think, Billy?
- Should cut together pretty well.
Oh. I'm so glad.
You know, you two
are lucky to be alive.
Considering we were kind of
unlucky to be there in the first place.
I, uh, had no idea that you used two
cameras to film a scene, Mr. Cahill.
Only when we shoot a stunt,
like that car scene Monday
and this scene today.
One wide angle,
one tighter angle.
That way we get the
coverage we need.
And, you know,
speaking of coverage,
we're gonna have to get some
close-ups of Sandra and Glenn
to match you and Sister
Stephanie in the explosion.
STEVE: Excuse me.
Hey.
Hey!
You know, you're talking like
there is nothing wrong here.
This isn't a movie. Somebody
tried to get Father Dowling killed.
Sister, the PA who told Father
Dowling to meet you in the church hall
said he got a call
on his walkie-talkie,
but there was so much static, he isn't
sure what he heard or who was talking.
Heh. It was just
an accident, Father.
Pretty handy accident.
What are you saying, Sister?
What Sister Stephanie is saying is
that it's been a stressful day, it's late,
and she's a little bit upset.
- Frank, that is not
- Accidents happen, Sister Stephanie.
Look at this rectory. Huh?
- I mean, isn't this amazing?
- Uh-huh.
Wait till we get it done. You won't
be able to tell it from the real thing.
Illusion and reality, Father.
I think I prefer reality.
Maybe you're right. Anyway,
I've got to get back to work.
Excuse me.
Frank, that was an accident
like Sandra Soames is a nun.
Whoever killed Cameron Prince
is afraid you'll expose them.
That thought has
crossed my mind.
Well, then shouldn't
we do something, Frank?
You said you overheard
Sandra on the phone
making plans to meet someone
in his hotel room tonight?
That's right.
Well, it won't be the first time
that infidelity has lead to homicide.
Father Dowling, Sister,
what are you doing here?
We need your
help, Mr. Armstrong.
My help?
We want to talk to you about
who killed Cameron Prince.
Um, Mark Tannen killed Prince.
No, no, no. No, I'm certain
that Tannen was framed.
But you can help us
identify the real killer.
Well, I'll do whatever I can, but
why don't I meet you at the hotel bar?
I was about to take a shower.
Like to talk to you
too, Miss Soames.
What's the point in
hiding anymore, Lex?
Cameron's dead.
He can't hurt us now.
How'd you guess, Father?
Well, I didn't think that this
belonged to Mr. Armstrong.
[SCOFFS]
You're a good
detective, Father Dowling.
Miss Soames, did Prince find out
about your affair with Mr. Armstrong?
- Did he threaten you with divorce?
- Is that why you killed him?
Father, she didn't kill anyone.
And we're not having an affair.
Well, then, what
would you call it?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
When my marriage
fell apart with Cameron,
Lex was there to
pick up the pieces.
And we got married
two weeks ago.
But you were still
married to Prince?
We were divorced a month ago.
Cameron asked us to keep it a
secret until the end of production.
He said if we didn't, he'd
make trouble with the settlement.
If you ask me, he just didn't
want to admit that he'd lost her.
Anyway, I hope this
lets us out as suspects.
Well, not necessarily, Mr. Armstrong.
You still had another motive.
Your hands.
[SARAH SIGHS]
Father, you want the truth?
I'm glad Prince is dead,
but we didn't kill him.
We have an alibi for Monday
night when Cameron was killed.
Lex and I were having
dinner here in his room.
If you don't believe us,
check it out with room service.
[FRANK SIGHS]
That room service waiter seemed
pretty sure they were both there.
FRANK: Hm.
Well, I suppose a dinner order of
oat bran and yogurt is hard to forget.
Maybe Mark Tannen did kill
Cameron Prince, you know?
Sandra and Lex were
our best suspects.
Yeah.
BRIAN: Absolutely brilliant.
PHILIP: You think so?
BRIAN: Absolutely, it's great. Heh.
- All right.
But not our only suspect.
Steve.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
PHILIP: I could send it
to you when I'm done.
BRIAN: Please, do that.
Ah. Father Dowling.
There you are.
We're having a crisis
and we need your help.
FRANK: Oh? What's going on Phil?
I've rewritten the climax. Father
Prestwick had a terrific idea.
Sister Eugenia is going to find Martin
stabbed to death in the rectory pantry.
- Not in my pantry.
- Uh, not in our rectory, Marie.
No, they're going to kill Uncle
Martin on the sound stage downtown.
- Isn't that right,
Mr. Cahill? BRIAN: Mm-hm.
Why doesn't somebody
tell me these things?
Wait a minute.
The script I read,
Martin was the killer.
No, not anymore. Now it's Buffy.
Buffy, the blind maid?
Interesting twist,
don't you think?
[CHUCKLES]
[PHONE RINGING]
Excuse me.
St. Michael's Rectory.
Who?
Oh. Just a minute. Mr. Cahill.
Brian Cahill.
What?
Who is this?
Where?
Hello?
Hello
We'll have to continue this tomorrow.
Something's come up. Good night.
Good night.
You know, Brian was
so excited with my idea
that he promised to
cast us all as extras.
We are going to
be on television.
Phil, this may come
as a shock to you,
but many people live
happy and fruitful lives
without ever once
appearing on TV.
- Did it work?
- I'm afraid so.
Steve called Cahill
from the sacristy phone.
Yeah. I said, "I know what
happened to Cameron Prince.
Meet me at Dooley's
Bar in ten minutes."
Heh. I don't understand.
Well, Cahill and the production
crew are all from out of town.
So the only one who would
know where to find Dooley's
- is whoever killed Cameron
Prince. FRANK: Cahill had a motive,
and now it looks like he had
the means and the opportunity.
So Brian Cahill killed
Cameron Prince.
[DOOR OPENS]
Excuse me. Does anyone here
know the way to a bar called Dooley's?
[MARIE CLEARS THROAT]
GLENN: And that's
when I knew, of course.
It takes seven hours to drive
from Matawan to Chicago.
And Larry Wilkes claimed he
had lunch with Monica Stokes at 1.
At a Thai restaurant, where he says
they ate pork satay with peanut sauce.
But Monica Stokes
is allergic to peanuts.
Exactly. Which is why she
couldn't be the murderer.
Oh.
You make is seem
so simple, Father.
It is simple, Sister.
As Sherlock Holmes said: "When
you eliminate the impossible,
whatever remains, however
improbable, must be the truth."
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SARAH SCREAMING]
BRIAN: Cut!
Print it. Very nice.
Very nice, people.
I told Cameron you'd be much
better than Mark. I wish he'd listened.
All's well that
ends well, right?
So, Father, what's your
professional opinion?
Oh, ho, ho. As a
priest or a detective?
Well, I'm not much of a judge
when it comes to acting, Mr. Evert,
but I thought you
were very good.
Thank you.
It's great to be back
here in Chicago.
Will you excuse me? I have
three new pages to memorize.
It seems we have a new killer.
Yeah, Buffy the maid.
Actually, it's Casper Leech.
The giveaway is
when his car explodes.
- Who's Casper Leech?
- Casper's the friendly killer.
When his car explodes, he'll be
known as Casper the Friendly Toast.
[CHUCKLES]
Forgive me, Father.
Very nice, Lex. Very nice.
That's the way it should
have gone the first time.
- Steve?
- Yeah?
This stunt didn't go
the way the first one did.
Yeah, I know. The car went out of
control because the brakes failed.
And if you hadn't pulled him out of
the way, Prince would've been killed.
Right. Somebody fixed the
brakes so Prince would be killed
and make it look
like an accident.
But that's what
puzzles me, Steve.
Now, both of these cameras
were pointed over there.
If Prince doesn't run out into
the street and yell at Tannen,
he wouldn't have ended up
anywhere near that runaway car.
So what are you thinking?
Maybe we've been
concentrating on the wrong victim.
Maybe Cameron Prince
wasn't the target at all.
Steve, I got an idea. Come on.
As Sherlock Holmes once said:
"When you eliminate
the improbable,
whatever remains, however
improbable, becomes the truth."
PRINCE [ON MONITOR]:
No! No! No! For God's sake!
Mark, do you think you might
possibly give me the correct line,
if it's not too great a
strain on your intellect?
The line is "eliminate the impossible"!
Not "eliminate the improbable"!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Could you stop it there, please?
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
Can we see a
closer angle of this?
The B camera.
You got it, Father.
[TIRES SCREECHING ON MONITOR]
Freeze it right there, please.
You were right, Frank.
[FRANK SIGHS]
Can you make a
print of that frame?
Yeah. I'll have to get the
negative from the vault.
- Would you do it, please? BILLY:
You want to come back later?
No, no. I'll wait
here, if that's all right.
BILLY: Suit yourself.
There's coffee over here.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Thanks.
PHILIP: Thank you.
STEVE: Phil!
Oh. Sister Stephanie,
where is Father Dowling?
I'm in a scene first
thing after lunch
and I was kind of hoping
he'd be here for moral support.
Listen. Frank's got a really good
idea who killed Cameron Prince.
He's in the editing room right now,
getting some evidence together.
But don't tell anyone, all right? He
doesn't want anybody to know yet.
Sister Stephanie,
my lips are sealed.
Shh.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Billy, is that you?
Who's there?
MAN: Who are you
looking for, Father Dowling?
I was looking for the man
who killed Cameron Prince.
Looks like I've
found him, Mr. Evert.
"Come into my parlor,"
said the spider to the fly.
Hm.
You should have stayed
out of camera range
when you tried to
kill Mark Tannen.
Very clever, Father Dowling.
You're even better
than Father Flaraghty.
Hm.
When Prince ruined your
attempt to get Tannen,
you decided to kill him instead
and frame Tannen for the murder.
Get two for the price of one.
The important thing was to
get the part. I was perfect for it.
Prince didn't think so.
No. No.
[SCOFFS]
He said I lacked
commitment. Heh.
But he was wrong.
A lot of actors say
they'd kill for the part.
I actually did.
How's that for
commitment, Father?
It's too bad you
had to get involved.
Well, I couldn't stand by
and let an innocent man
go to jail for your crime.
You were actually in Chicago
before the murder, and then you left.
And then you came back again
afterwards to establish your alibi.
But I noticed that there were
two flight tags on your luggage.
Ah. The fatal flaw. Heh, heh.
There's always a
fatal flaw, isn't there?
There is when you try
and get away with murder.
Well, this one's easy to fix.
MAN: Freeze!
Hold it right there, Evert.
Don't you even blink.
- Are you all right, Frank?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]
Hey, that was some acting,
Frank. You looked scared to death.
I wasn't acting, Bob.
Well, like you said, Mr. Evert,
there's always a fatal flaw.
But, hey, that's show business.
[WOMAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
- Popcorn, Father?
- I can't eat now, Marie.
My scene is coming
on any minute.
MAN [ON TV]: He could
have climbed the drain pipe
to reach Casper's
second-story window.
So Sister Eugenia's long-lost cousin
Fritz turned out to be the murderer.
Should have known when
the dog didn't lick his face.
Look. Look, here I come.
Here I am.
There I am. There!
Ha, ha. There I am.
Ah! The newspaper was my idea.
You know, Phil, I really think
they caught your best side.
[CHUCKLES]