Happy Days (1974) s03e05 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
I'll do anything to get a role in a Broadway play.
You will? I want to suck your blood.
Does it mean I'll get the part?
Let's go, Rhonda.
The coast is clear.
My sister's asleep, and my folks won't be home for hours.
No, no, no!
Not here.
We'll go up to my room.
Don't wake up my little sister.
She'd want to watch.
Whoa! Ho-ho-ho!
You can't even wait, you little devil.
You rat! What'd you do that for?
It's Mom and Dad!
That's the car key.
It's not the car key, Marion.
You can't open the door Hi!
We're home!
Shh!
We're not home?
Oh, hi.
Guess I fell asleep around 9:30.
I guess I fell asleep, too, around 11:00.
How was the hardware convention?
Very nice.
A great punch bowl.
It was pretty good.
I made a very important business contact.
I'm glad you're still up,
Richie, 'cause I want to talk to you about it.
It tasted like lemonade, but it had a little snap to it.
Mmm.
Marion, dear, why don't you go on upstairs to bed, huh?
Oh, I'm not tired.
Oh, Richard, some people got so drunk.
Yeah.
Well, then why don't you put Joanie to bed, huh?
Come on, dear.
I'll help you up the stairs.
Good night, Mom.
Your mother got so silly tonight.
She wanted to wear my hat!
I mean, you can see it's a man's hat.
But you had a good time.
Oh, yeah, we had a very good time.
We met this nice couple from Nebraska
George and Henrietta McKinnie.
He's in bathrooms.
What?
Makes bathroom fixtures You know, toilets, sinks.
In Nebraska he's known as the "Prince of Porcelain."
You know, if I play my cards right,
I could be his Milwaukee distributor.
That's terrific!
Just Molly and me, and baby makes three ♪
We're happy in my blue heaven ♪
Marion, the party's over!
Aw Listen, Richard,
this toilet guy could be big business for the family,
but I can't close the deal without your help.
I want you to take out McKinnie's daughter, Winifred.
Winifred?
Yeah, they call her Winnie.
Winnie McKinnie? Mm-hmm.
She's a nice girl. I met her.
She has a great personality.
Well, is it that important, Dad?
It's that important.
Well, all right,
I'll take out a Winnie McKinnie.
Aw, thanks a lot.
I knew you would.
By the way, the whole evening'll be on me.
You just pick her up tomorrow night
at the hotel at 7:00.
Dad, I-I can't take her out tomorrow.
Don't kid your old dad it's late.
Well, I'm not kidding.
I already have a date for tomorrow.
Why?
Why do I have a date?
Dad, didn't we have this talk that summer I got tall?
Now, I know why,
but why does it have to be tomorrow night?
I mean, this is business It's got to be tomorrow night,
because the next day the McKinnies are leaving town.
I've been planning this date for two weeks.
I'm doubling with Ralph, and we're taking out twins,
and they won't go out separately.
What are they, Siamese?
I just can't let Ralph down.
Oh, no, no, you just go ahead and let your father down.
Dad! Mom fell asleep in the bathtub.
Is the water running? No.
Well, then leave me alone!
Dad, I'll do you a favor any other time.
No, no, that's all right, Richard,
you just forget about me.
You go on out with your old buddy Ralph.
I suppose it was Ralph who used to take you
to those Indian Guide meetings and wear those silly feathers
and go "hey-ya, hey-ya" all the time, huh?
And I suppose it was Ralph who bought you
a new bike and taught you how to ride it.
Is that when he broke his arm?
Young lady, I'd be a slim man today if I didn't have to eat
all those crummy cookies that you couldn't sell.
You're mad at him.
Yeah. And I suppose it was Ralph
who delivered your papers in the rain
because your mother was afraid you'd catch cold, huh?
Boy, this is a real tearjerker.
And I caught the cold
and had to go to work with a 102 temperature.
And what about the time I walked into your room
Dad, I'll do it! Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I knew he'd crack.
You promised your father? Yeah.
What about Ralphie, your lifelong buddy?
Who played marbles with you?
Who ate those crummy celery sticks
your mom used to give you for lunch. Remember?
Who taught you how to sneak into the movies?
And what about the time your
father walked into All right, all right!
What is this? I'm 17 years old,
and I owe everybody in the world.
Didn't I ever do anything for anybody?
Cunningham! Fonz! Hey, Fonz!
I want to talk to you.
Move it.
I practically live under the same roof as you.
When you got a problem, why don't you come to me?
Why do I got to pick it up from the streets?
Well, I'm sorry, Fonz, I didn't see you today.
All right, all right, let's get down to cases.
I hear you're giving up a date with Lori Glass.
I got to.
After all I taught you?
Whoa!
I notice there's no ketchup on these French fries.
I don't like ketchup. I do.
I had to break the date.
My father fixed me up with this girl.
Yeah, I heard My grapevine told me.
The disaster from Nebraska.
Have you seen her, Fonz? No.
But this chick could be a real loser.
Why give up a bird in the hand for a dog in the bush?
I'm helping my father's business.
Besides, he says she's got a great personality.
How many times have I got to tell you,
when a parent says a chick's got a great personality,
said chick should have a bag over her head.
Now, listen.
Lori Glass is the big time.
You break a date with her,
you ain't gonna get a second chance.
I know.
I'll take Lori out.
More ketchup.
I don't think she'd be happy with a pinch hitter.
Listen, I'll be happy with anybody.
It's got to be a double date.
Fonz, you got to I've already laid the groundwork.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, time-out, time-out.
Now, this chick from Nebraska, can anything develop here?
No, she's going home tomorrow. All right, all right.
And you're never gonna see her again, right?
I never saw her in the first place. Right.
That's it!
Meet the other Richie Cunningham.
Huh? "Huh?"
Man, you guys are so backward.
Now, dig it.
Potsie takes Richie's place and takes out Miss Nebraska.
Ralph, Richie, you take out the Glass twins.
Miss Nebraska goes home,
nobody knows the difference,
everybody's happy, and you got a perfect plan.
I'd be happy.
I'd be happy.
I'd be taking out a girl with a bag over her head.
No way.
Where does it say, "Nerd ruins plan"?
I should get paid for this.
All right! It's all settled!
You come on the date with me,
and Potsie's gonna be Richie Cunningham.
Nah, we'd never get away with it.
I agree. Would we?
I heard the twins got French blood.
Maybe we would. Pots, what do you say?
Wait a minute, Rich. Come on, listen.
You can use my car, and I'll even pay for the gas.
You're not gonna con me, Rich. Wait a minute.
I'll throw in an extra five dollars.
My affections can't be bought!
Could they be rented for ten?
Rented, sure.
You got it.
Five from me, five from Ralph. Deal.
Look at this I rented a nerd for five dollars.
Splish, splash, I was taking a bath ♪
Along about a Saturday night ♪
There's an empty booth right there.
I-I thought you girls had to go to the ladies' room.
Here's two dimes. It's on me.
Bring me the change.
All right, what's with you?
Nothing. You're not kidding, nothing.
You haven't even put an arm around Lori yet.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for the right moment.
Rich, we went to a drive-in movie
The right moment passed.
You should have followed my lead.
By the time they flashed From Here to Eternity
on the screen, I already had bare arm.
And then when Borgnine was beating up Sinatra,
I had bare shoulder.
And then when Lancaster had Kerr on the beach,
I was getting bare lip.
What happened during the Pearl Harbor attack?
Nothing. I wouldn't miss the Pearl Harbor attack!
I watched.
I can't concentrate on the twins
because I'm worried Potsie's gonna do
something stupid with Winnie.
Like what?
Like bring her here to Arnold's!
What'd he bring her here for? What an idiot!
I can't believe it. You wait for the girls.
Hi there. Oh, hey.
This is my date Winnie.
This is my good friend Warren.
Hi, Warren.
Uh, you having a nice time?
Sure. It's easy to see
why Richie's the president of the student body.
The president.
Uh, could I talk to you for a minute, Rich?
Well, I'm really kind of busy. Well, I was just wondering
what you're doing here, where everybody knows you by name?
They'd know him wherever we went.
After all, who doesn't know the captain of the track
and football team?
She forced it out of me.
Come here, Mr. President.
You're stretching my sweater.
And where's the twins? They're in the ladies' room.
What'd you bring her here for?
Didn't people say "Hi, Potsie" when you walked in?
Sure. I'm a popular guy. Well?
I told her that was my nickname.
That's why I didn't call you Potsie I'm always thinking.
Well, think about getting out
of here this is very dangerous.
Okay.
It was nice meeting you. Yeah.
So long, Rich. Bye, Warren.
I'll save you.
Ralph! Hi, Richie. Potsie!
Potsie? I thought that was your nickname.
Why is he Potsie?
Well It's my nickname, too.
It's a club. We're all nicknamed Potsie.
Yeah, I'm Potsie, too. Everybody's Potsie.
Hi, Potsie.
In Nebraska, we just use our names.
This is a fun town. Yeah.
Well, Winnie, we better be running along.
Right.
Oh, the check, old boy, it's on you.
Huh? Fonz.
Hey, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?
Oh, sure, Fonz, this is my date, Winnie.
And I'm Richie, also nicknamed Potsie.
This here's Warren, also known as Potsie,
and this here's Ralphie, also nicknamed Potsie. Potsie.
I think it's cute.
Why don't they call you Potsie?
Hey!
Uh, he's not in the club. He's not in the club.
What club?
Uh, the The Potsie Club.
Come on, Winnie. Bye, Fonz.
The Potsie Club, I'd rather be a Mouseketeer.
Hello?
Well, hello, George, old buddy.
Winifred home yet?
What?
Oh, not Richie.
Now wait a minute, that's my son you're talking about.
Yeah, but, but there must be
some explanation, George.
What? Yes, all right,
of course we'll pay for her dress.
George? George?
What happened?
Your son is an animal!
Your son took Winifred up to Inspiration Point
and he he went crazy!
I don't believe it.
I do.
Would you believe that she tore her dress
trying to get away from Richie?
She wouldn't even drive home with him?
She hitchhiked back to the hotel?
No, I don't believe it.
I believe it. What else did he do?
Well, he just, he just gave me the highlights.
Why am I telling you this?
Winifred just got home and she's hysterical!
Oh, now, Howard, control yourself.
I am perfectly controlled, Marion.
I think I'll kill him.
How could he do a thing like this?
Our son, a Boy Scout.
I think he made Explorer tonight.
You go to bed, Joanie.
Now, Howard, let Richard explain.
He's never done anything like this before.
Of course not!
He's been saving it up for tonight!
Tonight, the most important night of my life.
I could have been the toilet king of Milwaukee.
I found my thrill ♪
On Blueberry Hill. ♪
Hi, everybody.
Can I have his record player?
All I want is his throat.
On Blueberry Hill ♪
You go to bed.
How was your dinner?
Just fine. How was your date with Winifred?
Great.
Wonderful, terrific girl.
What an evening, it was unforgettable.
"Unforgettable," Marion.
Why don't you tell us about it, huh?
What can I say?
Everything went perfectly.
I was suave, sophisticated.
I had her in the palm of my hand.
Palm of his hand. Did you hear that, Marion?
Can I have his car?
Up!
I really came through for you, Dad.
She's going to be talking about this evening for a while.
He's beautiful.
Thanks, Dad!
Howard!
Marion!
Could I talk to you for a minute, son?
Sure, Dad you need another favor?
Come here.
George McKinnie just called.
Winifred just got home.
She had to hitchhike.
Of course, that's no big deal.
I mean, it's easy to hitchhike
when you're standing on the road in a torn dress!
A torn dress?
Yes, a torn dress!
Now that must have happened someplace
between suave and sophisticated!
Dad What, what, what, what, what?!
Was she telling the truth to her father, huh?
I, I can't say
Marion, where did we go wrong?
Where did we go wrong? I didn't teach him that!
Well, you think I did?
Now, look, you got us into this
and you're going to get us out.
Tomorrow you're going over to the McKinnie's
and apologize before they leave town.
I can't.
You can't?
Perhaps you didn't notice the tone of my voice.
That wasn't a question, that was a command.
Marion, to bed!
It's those Esquire magazines.
They should be banned!
You, up!
Okay, okay.
Richie, I'm proud of you.
You're not a nerd, you're an animal!
Sit on it, Joanie.
Richie, whatever you have to say to me,
you better say it fast,
because the McKinnies are on their way over here
for an apology.
Oh, boys.
Hey, Mrs. C., how are you?
Hi, Mr. C. Did you tell them yet?
No, I was saving that for you.
Look, fellas, this is really not a very good time.
We're having a little personal problem.
Mr. C., I know all about it.
Believe me, I'm more disgusted than you are.
The whole world knows our business?
They're here for a reason, Dad.
Sure, to laugh at me.
There's something that you have to know.
You see, actually, it was Potsie
who ripped Winifred's dress.
You mean, you held her and he ripped it?
Marion, you better go upstairs.
They're crazier than I thought.
Last night, Ralph and I took out the Glass twins.
And we paid Potsie ten bucks
to take out Winifred and pretend he was me.
Oh, my son's not an animal.
I'm the animal.
Do you understand?
Hey, that's a great plan, Mr. C.
Hey Oh
It almost worked.
She really liked me there for a while.
Yeah, we figured as long as she didn't know me,
what difference could it make?
What could go wrong?
Now listen, I don't want to hear any more plans.
The McKinnies are on their way over here
and we are going to tell them the truth,
the entire truth, and hope they'll understand.
No?
Bad plan!
The truth is a bad plan?
The worst.
Just let Potsie apologize to the chick.
Yeah, but isn't it better
that they really find out it wasn't my son?
No
Hey, Mr. C, just take a seat.
I'll tell you about women, all right?
Boys.
This could be very enlightening.
Now, listen, you got to understand women.
They are not real people.
Excuse me, Mrs. C., huh?
Now listen, they expect a guy to make a pass.
They get angry, believe me.
They expect it.
But now this is a crucial but
Let them feel that they got dumped
passed from hand to hand, unwanted, sight unseen,
and you've got hurt feelings.
Maybe he's right, Dad.
Maybe I'm right?
He's wrong.
I'm wrong?
Now, look, I don't want
to hear any more about this.
We are going to tell the truth
and I don't want to hear any arguments!
The Fonz is wrong?
Oh Well, George, Winifred, come on in.
Well, there it is.
That's what your son did.
My father made me wear it.
Well, make your apology quick.
My wife's waiting in the cab.
This whole thing has given her a rash.
Well, actually, George, there's a
there's a humorous side to this whole thing.
But if we can be serious for just a minute.
You see, George, sometimes things are not
really what they appear to be.
And, uh, sometimes
people, they, they aren't, what they appear to be either.
What I'm really trying to say is that, uh,
I don't think Richard knew what he was doing.
I could tell.
The fact is, George Wait a minute.
Richard, apologize!
Sure, Dad.
My record's clean.
I'm really sorry. I mean it.
You're very pretty and nice girl,
and I never would have even thought of acting
the way I did
if you didn't have such a deep, sultry voice.
Richard, just apologize.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry for what happened.
I mean it and I apologize, okay?
Okay.
Ah, good boy.
Well now, son, isn't it good to tell the truth?
Huh? Sure is, Dad.
You've got a great son there, Mr. C.
Howard, I'm, uh,
well, I didn't really mean to be such a hothead.
It's all right, George, hardware people are like that.
Yeah, well, uh, we better be going or we'll miss our train.
Richie, will you move your car? I can't get my bike out.
Richie? I thought he was Warren.
Well, yeah, you see I'm Warren
Warren? No.
That's Potsie's real name.
Now I'm getting a rash!
Who is that girl?
Oh, don't mind her.
She's the little girl from next door.
She needs glasses.
Go home, little girl, your kitten isn't here.
Well, George, I guess you better hurry up.
You're going to miss your train.
Howard
Uh, look, George, we'll talk next week.
You see, I'm going to put a display in my window
featuring all your fixtures.
The whole window?
Sure.
Winifred,
why don't you wait in the cab with your mother?
And tell her not to scratch.
I'll be right out.
Howard, I think we'd better talk now.
You see, when I go to conventions,
I like to have fun.
Well, so do I.
Yeah, but part of my fun is lying about my business.
Lying?
I'm really not the Prince of Porcelain.
I have a little store, smaller than yours.
Well, I better be going.
That cab's costing me a fortune.
He's not my son!
What do you think of that?!
We paid that kid to rip her dress!
What do you think of that?
You mean, I apologized for nothing?
No. Bathroom fixtures or not,
they deserved an apology for what happened last night.
Well, I'm really sorry about it.
It was my fault.
No, it wasn't.
It was my fault.
No, it wasn't.
Hey
It was my fault.
Right.
Richard's social life should not be used
for my business deals.
It was wrong and I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sorry I lied.
I'm sorry I messed up the date.
I'm sorry George turned out to be a liar.
I'm sorry I wasted a whole morning here.
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Oh, the next time I come up with a plan,
I'll handle all the women, huh?
Hey!
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪