Superjail! (2007) s03e05 Episode Script
Specialneeds
Ðh, lord Jesus! Heal! Help me, Jesus! Oh, life on the outside ain't what it used to be you know, the world's gone crazy, and it ain't safe on the street oh! well, it's a drag, and I know There's only one place to go I'm coming home whoa, yeah I'm coming home There's the spider! Get it! Help.
What's that ruckus? Sir, this gathering is completely unsanctioned.
And Alice is in cahoots! Outrageous! Those lucky cons get to rub up against her fuzzy fun-bumps, and She doesn't say boo! Sir, I'm forced to recommend strict disciplinary Sir? and now our undefeated champ faces a last-minute entry, "señor happy hands!" Greetings, señorita.
I don't know who you think you are, but I'm gonna "f" you up so bad.
fight! - oh, gross.
- oh, my okay, okay, okay! Alice wins! Alice wins! Pretty sweet beatdown, huh? Don't you think that was a bit much? Yeah, I think you really put the hurt on that poor guy.
What the "f"? It was a fight.
I fought him.
Is that what you call it? 'Cause from here, you look like some gross, out-of-control dude.
You need to check yourself.
Gross dude? Come on, sir.
You've got to keep up your strength! Don't baby me, jared! Useless.
I'm a pathetic invalid.
Alice will never let me grope her now! Sir, just keep squeezing your therapy ball and you'll be tying your own bow tie in no time! Get out, and take your pity ball with you! You're just tired from gumming your lunch.
I'll be by tomorrow for your sponge bath! Well, goodbye, cruel world and tough-but-fair superjail.
Amazing grace How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me Bunch of jerks, giving me a hard time.
I just did what I always do.
Rght Like I always do.
But now I'm found I've been lashing out like a dude my whole life.
Well, no more, damn it! A real lady stifles her ball rage, and it's about time someone acts like a lady around here.
So, after weathering superjail's various hustles and bustles, you ended up just hanging out here? Yep.
Superjail ain't always been kind, but we learned It don't bother us if we don't bother it.
So, what's your major malfunction? We're not malfunctioning, Warden.
We just function differently and, like, way more gross.
Snack time, fellas! Thanks, slim! Yeah! Whoo! Lads, check it out! Huh? T'ain't one of mine.
Oops, forgot to double bag.
You dumb sack of [bleep.]
! I'll bite your [bleep.]
nuts off, asshole! Whoa! Come on, fellas! Haven't we been through enough already? You're right, Gunz.
Sorry, bagpipe.
Ah, no sweat, bro.
Boys, your freakish fraternity has given me hope.
I now see there's more to life than virility and strength and groping the sexiest woman alive.
But you need to see that there's a whole jail of opportunity outside this garden! You'll feel like real people again in no time, once you're bunking with all the normal murderers and rapists! Ugh! Watch it, turd! Uh, I mean, here you go, uh, buddy.
Hey, guys.
Let's stop being a bunch of dumb meatheads and, like, have a nice day and crap.
[bleep.]
off, bitch.
Violence is not the answer.
Should've listened to the lady.
Hey! Our glory-hole wall! Greetings, love/jailbirds, and welcome to our double-wide, Handicap-accessible stall! We're losing our love nest so a few cripples can take a squat? Such intolerance! Sir, you must have no idea what it feels like to be an underserved minority.
Sir, what's going on? Did you realize superjail's not handicap-accessible? I've got just a few small tweaks in mind.
Well?! It's a cripple's greatest dream, isn't it?! Except for walking, I guess.
This is really too, too much.
Yeah, we don't need a whole fuss made over us! I don't like being singled out! Come on.
Everyone will love you! They're just waiting to be inspired by your tales of perseverance and So, these geeks are why the whole yard's messed up.
Let's just keep our heads down, okay?! Uh, sorry, lowbrow.
It's okay.
Watch it, jerk! All right.
That does it! Let's mess these freaks up! You know, like like, even more.
Don't worry.
Little hazing ritual.
Totally normal.
Come on, men! We're survivors! Let's do what we always do and use what we got when we're doing it! You boners think I can't stop you without being violent? Damn it! Remain a lady.
No.
No.
No! It's all happening all over again! Oh, boy.
I think they've almost been accepted into the herd.
This is all 'cause of you.
Hey, no need to thank me, guys.
Aah! Somebody help me, please! [bleep.]
this.
Hold on tight.
What I should treat them different 'cause they're crippled? She saved me! Did you see it? But, sir, all your new handicapped friends are dead! Who cares? We've got a whole new crop of cripples, ripe with "challenging yet ultimately life affirming" adversities to overcome! But do me a favor and put them where I don't have to see them.
Or hear them.
What's that ruckus? Sir, this gathering is completely unsanctioned.
And Alice is in cahoots! Outrageous! Those lucky cons get to rub up against her fuzzy fun-bumps, and She doesn't say boo! Sir, I'm forced to recommend strict disciplinary Sir? and now our undefeated champ faces a last-minute entry, "señor happy hands!" Greetings, señorita.
I don't know who you think you are, but I'm gonna "f" you up so bad.
fight! - oh, gross.
- oh, my okay, okay, okay! Alice wins! Alice wins! Pretty sweet beatdown, huh? Don't you think that was a bit much? Yeah, I think you really put the hurt on that poor guy.
What the "f"? It was a fight.
I fought him.
Is that what you call it? 'Cause from here, you look like some gross, out-of-control dude.
You need to check yourself.
Gross dude? Come on, sir.
You've got to keep up your strength! Don't baby me, jared! Useless.
I'm a pathetic invalid.
Alice will never let me grope her now! Sir, just keep squeezing your therapy ball and you'll be tying your own bow tie in no time! Get out, and take your pity ball with you! You're just tired from gumming your lunch.
I'll be by tomorrow for your sponge bath! Well, goodbye, cruel world and tough-but-fair superjail.
Amazing grace How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me Bunch of jerks, giving me a hard time.
I just did what I always do.
Rght Like I always do.
But now I'm found I've been lashing out like a dude my whole life.
Well, no more, damn it! A real lady stifles her ball rage, and it's about time someone acts like a lady around here.
So, after weathering superjail's various hustles and bustles, you ended up just hanging out here? Yep.
Superjail ain't always been kind, but we learned It don't bother us if we don't bother it.
So, what's your major malfunction? We're not malfunctioning, Warden.
We just function differently and, like, way more gross.
Snack time, fellas! Thanks, slim! Yeah! Whoo! Lads, check it out! Huh? T'ain't one of mine.
Oops, forgot to double bag.
You dumb sack of [bleep.]
! I'll bite your [bleep.]
nuts off, asshole! Whoa! Come on, fellas! Haven't we been through enough already? You're right, Gunz.
Sorry, bagpipe.
Ah, no sweat, bro.
Boys, your freakish fraternity has given me hope.
I now see there's more to life than virility and strength and groping the sexiest woman alive.
But you need to see that there's a whole jail of opportunity outside this garden! You'll feel like real people again in no time, once you're bunking with all the normal murderers and rapists! Ugh! Watch it, turd! Uh, I mean, here you go, uh, buddy.
Hey, guys.
Let's stop being a bunch of dumb meatheads and, like, have a nice day and crap.
[bleep.]
off, bitch.
Violence is not the answer.
Should've listened to the lady.
Hey! Our glory-hole wall! Greetings, love/jailbirds, and welcome to our double-wide, Handicap-accessible stall! We're losing our love nest so a few cripples can take a squat? Such intolerance! Sir, you must have no idea what it feels like to be an underserved minority.
Sir, what's going on? Did you realize superjail's not handicap-accessible? I've got just a few small tweaks in mind.
Well?! It's a cripple's greatest dream, isn't it?! Except for walking, I guess.
This is really too, too much.
Yeah, we don't need a whole fuss made over us! I don't like being singled out! Come on.
Everyone will love you! They're just waiting to be inspired by your tales of perseverance and So, these geeks are why the whole yard's messed up.
Let's just keep our heads down, okay?! Uh, sorry, lowbrow.
It's okay.
Watch it, jerk! All right.
That does it! Let's mess these freaks up! You know, like like, even more.
Don't worry.
Little hazing ritual.
Totally normal.
Come on, men! We're survivors! Let's do what we always do and use what we got when we're doing it! You boners think I can't stop you without being violent? Damn it! Remain a lady.
No.
No.
No! It's all happening all over again! Oh, boy.
I think they've almost been accepted into the herd.
This is all 'cause of you.
Hey, no need to thank me, guys.
Aah! Somebody help me, please! [bleep.]
this.
Hold on tight.
What I should treat them different 'cause they're crippled? She saved me! Did you see it? But, sir, all your new handicapped friends are dead! Who cares? We've got a whole new crop of cripples, ripe with "challenging yet ultimately life affirming" adversities to overcome! But do me a favor and put them where I don't have to see them.
Or hear them.