The Animals of Farthing Wood (1993) s03e05 Episode Script
Tiffs and Tempers
I have called this meeting of elders to discuss a plan of action to deal with certain problems
that threaten the peace of White Deer Park.
Firstly, there is Tray.
He's Barney!
Mr. Sirius, Whistler has informed me today that dozens of rats have appeared in the park.
The number of rats was growing and they were becoming bolder by the day and something
else strange was happening.
Plucky is disappeared!
Plucky?
Our grandson was not the only one.
All over the park animals had been disappearing mysteriously and there was no simple explanation.
I haven't seen my old dad for days.
I'm here.
Wake up Shadow.
It's her call.
You're having a nightmare.
It's me.
I'm back.
Oh, hello, Harkel.
I didn't know you'd been away.
I went looking for that bad tempered stag.
I didn't find him.
I found this mole again though.
I find him everywhere.
Or he finds me.
Poor, remote creature.
Don't you like him?
Oh, yes, very much.
He would be unkind, not to like him.
It's just, well, my next saw from carrying him about.
Oh, hello, beautiful, kind, badness.
Couldn't you perhaps walk by yourself?
Harkel.
Look, Fox.
Everyone's so nervous.
They're expecting that monstrous stag to charge up at any moment.
And so am I.
Our noon, Fox.
Vixen.
Hello, matey.
So, what is that?
What's what?
That.
Standing there.
Oh, hello, matey.
This here is my friend, Spike.
But he's a rat.
Long-tailed personage.
He don't like to be called a
He's a long-tailed personage.
One of those.
The chief for a long-tailed personage.
The frung him out.
I didn't fit in.
I've got a kindly disposition.
Oh, yes.
When you get used to him, you almost forget about one of those.
At all.
I've been instructed him in the principles of our oath.
Have an eye, matey.
Perhaps he can tell me himself.
What the oath is all about.
And, man.
We'll finish this later.
Excuse me, Tray.
I want a word.
You haven't come down here to drink.
I hope.
I came to talk to you.
But if I want to drink, I will.
If I've told you,
easily, rabbit-y, squirrely, fox-y, verminous animals,
once I've told you a thousand times,
this pond is for dear only.
That means me.
The park is meant to provide safety for all of us.
It's not your private playground.
It's me.
Herk or remember?
We've met before.
I'm kind.
You tried to kill me,
but I'm sure you didn't mean it.
You've the moh on your head.
How disgusting.
A fox here and his friends
have brought a great gift to this park.
Their ideals are quite unique, you know?
I'm sure.
If fox and I explained it all to you,
then the kindness that lurks deep within your more obvious brutality,
is it all right, Jovar?
Very good, Herk.
But it's quite useless.
If it's the last thing I do,
I'll make you respect our right to be here.
I've never heard so much blithering all my life.
You're a big and handsome stag, or yet.
But you're the first animal I've ever met that I didn't like.
Is that unkind, do you think?
Where are we going to sleep tonight?
Wearing deed!
Where?
Shhh.
Find out when you're annoying your mother.
Measley twerp.
Mmm.
They'll grow up just like you.
I can see it. Measley twerps.
Oh, what did I ever do to deserve this?
Look, here's a place, an empty barrow.
How do you know it's empty?
There might be anything in there.
Sorry, oh, double check.
It's a funny smell that no monsters is empty.
You got them twerp.
Aren't I going to find a decent meal?
Weasel. Weasel.
You are coming back.
I love you. You're gorgeous.
You cool yourself a Weasel.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
No trouble.
Look, Leo, I can't.
He's all right. Everything's all right.
Meow! Meow to you too.
But I'm not okay.
Not just a cat, I should say.
I'm a wild cat.
Doesn't it look vicious?
I've been out hunting since first line,
and although I've caught a few tasty creatures,
I'm never expected to come home and find a snake.
A snake and two morsels waiting for me.
Meow!
No, wait, Leo. Don't.
You can't eat us. It's not fair.
You're the jungle weasel.
It's the law I live by, and it's never fair.
Amuse me, go on.
Take me amused and I'm not here for work until I get bored.
That's it.
Po-S-Ka!
Po-S-Ka!
Please, baby!
Oh, you're a pussycat, oh, I told you!
You're a pussycat, tell you!
Yeah!
Pussycat, pussycat!
Yeah!
Oh, please, oh!
Oh, please, oh!
Oh, please, oh!
The little ones!
On the my face, I protected them!
Oh, hi cats!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Hello, wee-zoo!
Are you in there?
No trouble, I hope.
This is your wee-zoo dog, Ronald!
Hello, hey!
Hello, hey!
There's a wild cat in here!
He's gone to eat us!
Oh, dear!
And you'll finish me the cats!
There's one at the farm!
It's always hissing!
I'm afraid of it!
Oh, all right!
I can't be!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi, boy!
Full, full, full, full!
Coast clear!
Bake the signal!
Oh, hi!
Ah!
It's me, Spike!
I've come to make my report, oh great one!
Report?
I have joined the white deer park animals.
I am pretending that I have gone over to their side.
Yeah, yeah, and
I've made friends with that stupid toad, and he got the end.
Is it bleeding?
Get out of my way!
All right, matey?
Matey?
Matey?
I mean, oh great one!
My report is that they don't know what to do about us
without weasels.
Hear that?
My long-tolled beauties!
Spike's report proves what I'll be telling you all along
the places as good as ours!
Before the first leaf falls, all this will be our private,
ready paradox
Dice
Well
Have you any suggestions
Just because you're an adder it doesn't mean you have to go around adding everything up
I was just calculating there's too many I ate one this morning and I'm full up
Yes
I ate one yesterday and I'm still full up
Do something
Nobody is said but I think it's expected
If I say if we attack them we could bite dozens of them to death
But they bite back and reasonable things rats
Oh my oh my white
Oh
Oh
Me oh I
Oh
Ow!
Well done, Charna. Good kill, is that?
Oh, that was almost too exciting.
Screg! Screg me, boy!
I told you, didn't I? Not to chew yet. I did not, boy.
Am I?
Hey, you, me!
We don't care who you are. Get lost.
Go back to the town where you belong.
You and you. How many of us can you kill?
Look, one here. Another over there. Couple more.
Maybe. We're too many. And there's more coming.
There couldn't be more.
More!
Kyle's flicking, scratching his legs, scamper. The pretty sounds of squeaking in the air.
Oh, be noob. Oh, be noob.
Oh, boy! Bullie, that's me. Bullie, bully, bully.
We can a witness. Oh, yeah.
That I can tell the mark and stop us. This is our patch now.
Yeah!
Oh, remember you, Foxy Foxy.
Oh, be noob.
Wasn't he horrible?
You're not frightened, are you, whisper?
No. No.
When I lived in town, I hired nothing but rats.
I'm used to them. But him.
He's right, though. We can't beat them.
Oh, don't say how we can.
Leave me alone, your moth-eaten rock.
I love you.
I'm an owl, your a rock.
I don't care.
For the first bow with us, we argue you and obey.
I'd wait for all my long life.
I'm very old, you know.
Go away!
Oh, no, I don't look it.
Oh, oh, oh, what?
Are you all right?
Perfectly.
Go.
Oh, you've been overdoing it, my lad.
Do you love me? Just a little bit.
Really?
I think you do.
I most certainly do not.
I left my home woods in search of a mate
with a single stipulation that he'd be an owl.
Do you understand?
Owl, owl, owl.
Rook, rook, rook.
Of a bird, ain't I?
Why don't you just fly back where you came from?
Slowly.
This is
No, it can't be.
Yes.
All my senses tell me I'm right.
This is farthing wood.
This is farthing wood, my old home.
I used to live here.
No.
Yes, honestly.
No.
It's unhubic then.
This is farthing wood.
Or this is where it was.
I'll go to say it again.
I love you.
I am going to find myself a nice big owl.
And when I do, I'll tell him what a pissed-through bean.
Hey.
If anyone has any ideas at all,
any plan whatsoever to get rid of these rats,
this is the time to tell Fox about it.
Why not ask Spike?
He'll know what frightens him.
Oh, yes.
You're long-tailed friend.
Spike may he.
Well?
Spike?
Well?
What's the question?
Oh, sorry.
I was listening to the squeaking drifting through the trees.
Rather beautiful, don't you think?
Fox wants to know what it is that really frightens rats.
Oh, frightens rats?
Well, I would say, speaking as a rat myself,
as a thing which frightens us above all things, is a
hey.
I think he's trying to say weasel.
That's it.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, I hate to admit this.
But I've been thinking for days if only weasel amazely were here.
They'd know just what to do with rats.
Oh, yeah.
The farmer was having his favourite stew tonight, but I let his prize pick out of its style,
and now he's running about trying to catch it.
So here's his dinner.
Oh, Rullau, you really are a splendid, weasel dog.
Oh, it's so wonderful not being useless.
Could I lick the bowl when you've finished?
It would never mind.
I suddenly feel happy,
for the first time in a long time I have my gorgeous weasel.
I love to bits.
Too shatter, measly.
My two little weasels were such a joy.
Sinister Selma.
Oh, yes, please.
I enjoy being a weasel.
There is nothing like a weasel.
I enjoy being a weasel.
There is nothing like weasel.
I enjoy being a weasel.
Oh, Rullau, wake up.
This is the most stressful night I've ever lived through,
and it's all your fault.
I'm taking my litter somewhere safe,
where they can sleep in safety, away from wild cats, away from you.
Weasel, I was happy, I was.
Was I dreaming just in?
Wain.
Nothing.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.
that threaten the peace of White Deer Park.
Firstly, there is Tray.
He's Barney!
Mr. Sirius, Whistler has informed me today that dozens of rats have appeared in the park.
The number of rats was growing and they were becoming bolder by the day and something
else strange was happening.
Plucky is disappeared!
Plucky?
Our grandson was not the only one.
All over the park animals had been disappearing mysteriously and there was no simple explanation.
I haven't seen my old dad for days.
I'm here.
Wake up Shadow.
It's her call.
You're having a nightmare.
It's me.
I'm back.
Oh, hello, Harkel.
I didn't know you'd been away.
I went looking for that bad tempered stag.
I didn't find him.
I found this mole again though.
I find him everywhere.
Or he finds me.
Poor, remote creature.
Don't you like him?
Oh, yes, very much.
He would be unkind, not to like him.
It's just, well, my next saw from carrying him about.
Oh, hello, beautiful, kind, badness.
Couldn't you perhaps walk by yourself?
Harkel.
Look, Fox.
Everyone's so nervous.
They're expecting that monstrous stag to charge up at any moment.
And so am I.
Our noon, Fox.
Vixen.
Hello, matey.
So, what is that?
What's what?
That.
Standing there.
Oh, hello, matey.
This here is my friend, Spike.
But he's a rat.
Long-tailed personage.
He don't like to be called a
He's a long-tailed personage.
One of those.
The chief for a long-tailed personage.
The frung him out.
I didn't fit in.
I've got a kindly disposition.
Oh, yes.
When you get used to him, you almost forget about one of those.
At all.
I've been instructed him in the principles of our oath.
Have an eye, matey.
Perhaps he can tell me himself.
What the oath is all about.
And, man.
We'll finish this later.
Excuse me, Tray.
I want a word.
You haven't come down here to drink.
I hope.
I came to talk to you.
But if I want to drink, I will.
If I've told you,
easily, rabbit-y, squirrely, fox-y, verminous animals,
once I've told you a thousand times,
this pond is for dear only.
That means me.
The park is meant to provide safety for all of us.
It's not your private playground.
It's me.
Herk or remember?
We've met before.
I'm kind.
You tried to kill me,
but I'm sure you didn't mean it.
You've the moh on your head.
How disgusting.
A fox here and his friends
have brought a great gift to this park.
Their ideals are quite unique, you know?
I'm sure.
If fox and I explained it all to you,
then the kindness that lurks deep within your more obvious brutality,
is it all right, Jovar?
Very good, Herk.
But it's quite useless.
If it's the last thing I do,
I'll make you respect our right to be here.
I've never heard so much blithering all my life.
You're a big and handsome stag, or yet.
But you're the first animal I've ever met that I didn't like.
Is that unkind, do you think?
Where are we going to sleep tonight?
Wearing deed!
Where?
Shhh.
Find out when you're annoying your mother.
Measley twerp.
Mmm.
They'll grow up just like you.
I can see it. Measley twerps.
Oh, what did I ever do to deserve this?
Look, here's a place, an empty barrow.
How do you know it's empty?
There might be anything in there.
Sorry, oh, double check.
It's a funny smell that no monsters is empty.
You got them twerp.
Aren't I going to find a decent meal?
Weasel. Weasel.
You are coming back.
I love you. You're gorgeous.
You cool yourself a Weasel.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
Oh, no trouble.
No trouble.
Look, Leo, I can't.
He's all right. Everything's all right.
Meow! Meow to you too.
But I'm not okay.
Not just a cat, I should say.
I'm a wild cat.
Doesn't it look vicious?
I've been out hunting since first line,
and although I've caught a few tasty creatures,
I'm never expected to come home and find a snake.
A snake and two morsels waiting for me.
Meow!
No, wait, Leo. Don't.
You can't eat us. It's not fair.
You're the jungle weasel.
It's the law I live by, and it's never fair.
Amuse me, go on.
Take me amused and I'm not here for work until I get bored.
That's it.
Po-S-Ka!
Po-S-Ka!
Please, baby!
Oh, you're a pussycat, oh, I told you!
You're a pussycat, tell you!
Yeah!
Pussycat, pussycat!
Yeah!
Oh, please, oh!
Oh, please, oh!
Oh, please, oh!
The little ones!
On the my face, I protected them!
Oh, hi cats!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Hello, wee-zoo!
Are you in there?
No trouble, I hope.
This is your wee-zoo dog, Ronald!
Hello, hey!
Hello, hey!
There's a wild cat in here!
He's gone to eat us!
Oh, dear!
And you'll finish me the cats!
There's one at the farm!
It's always hissing!
I'm afraid of it!
Oh, all right!
I can't be!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi!
Oh, hi, boy!
Full, full, full, full!
Coast clear!
Bake the signal!
Oh, hi!
Ah!
It's me, Spike!
I've come to make my report, oh great one!
Report?
I have joined the white deer park animals.
I am pretending that I have gone over to their side.
Yeah, yeah, and
I've made friends with that stupid toad, and he got the end.
Is it bleeding?
Get out of my way!
All right, matey?
Matey?
Matey?
I mean, oh great one!
My report is that they don't know what to do about us
without weasels.
Hear that?
My long-tolled beauties!
Spike's report proves what I'll be telling you all along
the places as good as ours!
Before the first leaf falls, all this will be our private,
ready paradox
Dice
Well
Have you any suggestions
Just because you're an adder it doesn't mean you have to go around adding everything up
I was just calculating there's too many I ate one this morning and I'm full up
Yes
I ate one yesterday and I'm still full up
Do something
Nobody is said but I think it's expected
If I say if we attack them we could bite dozens of them to death
But they bite back and reasonable things rats
Oh my oh my white
Oh
Oh
Me oh I
Oh
Ow!
Well done, Charna. Good kill, is that?
Oh, that was almost too exciting.
Screg! Screg me, boy!
I told you, didn't I? Not to chew yet. I did not, boy.
Am I?
Hey, you, me!
We don't care who you are. Get lost.
Go back to the town where you belong.
You and you. How many of us can you kill?
Look, one here. Another over there. Couple more.
Maybe. We're too many. And there's more coming.
There couldn't be more.
More!
Kyle's flicking, scratching his legs, scamper. The pretty sounds of squeaking in the air.
Oh, be noob. Oh, be noob.
Oh, boy! Bullie, that's me. Bullie, bully, bully.
We can a witness. Oh, yeah.
That I can tell the mark and stop us. This is our patch now.
Yeah!
Oh, remember you, Foxy Foxy.
Oh, be noob.
Wasn't he horrible?
You're not frightened, are you, whisper?
No. No.
When I lived in town, I hired nothing but rats.
I'm used to them. But him.
He's right, though. We can't beat them.
Oh, don't say how we can.
Leave me alone, your moth-eaten rock.
I love you.
I'm an owl, your a rock.
I don't care.
For the first bow with us, we argue you and obey.
I'd wait for all my long life.
I'm very old, you know.
Go away!
Oh, no, I don't look it.
Oh, oh, oh, what?
Are you all right?
Perfectly.
Go.
Oh, you've been overdoing it, my lad.
Do you love me? Just a little bit.
Really?
I think you do.
I most certainly do not.
I left my home woods in search of a mate
with a single stipulation that he'd be an owl.
Do you understand?
Owl, owl, owl.
Rook, rook, rook.
Of a bird, ain't I?
Why don't you just fly back where you came from?
Slowly.
This is
No, it can't be.
Yes.
All my senses tell me I'm right.
This is farthing wood.
This is farthing wood, my old home.
I used to live here.
No.
Yes, honestly.
No.
It's unhubic then.
This is farthing wood.
Or this is where it was.
I'll go to say it again.
I love you.
I am going to find myself a nice big owl.
And when I do, I'll tell him what a pissed-through bean.
Hey.
If anyone has any ideas at all,
any plan whatsoever to get rid of these rats,
this is the time to tell Fox about it.
Why not ask Spike?
He'll know what frightens him.
Oh, yes.
You're long-tailed friend.
Spike may he.
Well?
Spike?
Well?
What's the question?
Oh, sorry.
I was listening to the squeaking drifting through the trees.
Rather beautiful, don't you think?
Fox wants to know what it is that really frightens rats.
Oh, frightens rats?
Well, I would say, speaking as a rat myself,
as a thing which frightens us above all things, is a
hey.
I think he's trying to say weasel.
That's it.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, I hate to admit this.
But I've been thinking for days if only weasel amazely were here.
They'd know just what to do with rats.
Oh, yeah.
The farmer was having his favourite stew tonight, but I let his prize pick out of its style,
and now he's running about trying to catch it.
So here's his dinner.
Oh, Rullau, you really are a splendid, weasel dog.
Oh, it's so wonderful not being useless.
Could I lick the bowl when you've finished?
It would never mind.
I suddenly feel happy,
for the first time in a long time I have my gorgeous weasel.
I love to bits.
Too shatter, measly.
My two little weasels were such a joy.
Sinister Selma.
Oh, yes, please.
I enjoy being a weasel.
There is nothing like a weasel.
I enjoy being a weasel.
There is nothing like weasel.
I enjoy being a weasel.
Oh, Rullau, wake up.
This is the most stressful night I've ever lived through,
and it's all your fault.
I'm taking my litter somewhere safe,
where they can sleep in safety, away from wild cats, away from you.
Weasel, I was happy, I was.
Was I dreaming just in?
Wain.
Nothing.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.
A dream full of wild cats.